#healing attachment trauma

[safe-haven-safe-place]

[stargirl-and-potts]

It’s actually so important to me that Ed cries over Izzy in front of the whole crew. We’ve seen him bite back his tears in front of Frenchie and Lucius, and at Mary and Anne’s, when he was too low to help himself. But we’ve only seen him willingly, fully cry in front of Stede, once. And even then that was after a debilitating flashback that left him in a very young state of mind.

But Stede returning to the Revenge restarted the experiment Ed had begun when he sung to the crew — the experiment of being “just Ed.” Finding out what makes Ed happy. Letting his guard down. Playing and learning and apologizing, showing up soft, since Stede was there to protect him from the consequences. This was Stede’s ship again; no one would hurt Ed if he let himself put his weapons down.

And then Ed gives up even the protection of Stede’s captaincy and the safety of his ship and leaves, and tries being soft all on his own. He learns he doesn’t much want to do it without Stede; but he does want it. So when he comes back (having read that love letter, knowing he is cared for as deeply and permanently as he cares, knowing his presence matters to Stede as vitally as Stede’s does to him) — when he comes back, even with his leathers on and his gun and knife strapped to his thigh, he’s still just Ed. He can’t armor it back up again.

Izzy bleeds, and tells him he is loved, and he doesn’t reject it, and he doesn’t run from the pain. He sets down his panic and the emotional distance of trying to fix it, and he sits with him. And he sobs. And the crew cries with him.

Ed isn’t alone with his griefs anymore.

[tryingtogetaway]

as you grow into yourself as a young adult and leave your childhood home behind, it is crucial to remember that the way you were treated there is not necessarily representative of how others will treat you.

as children, we often believe our parents mirror what the world is like, and we begin to subconsciously understand their worldview and behaviors as commonplace and normal — as what everyone must be like. but if your home was not a safe place for you (whether that be physically and/or emotionally), it is imperative that you unlearn that way of thinking.

it was your parents who treated you cruelly, not the world.

it was your parents who made you feel like shame would always be your most powerful emotion, not the world.

it was your parents who never loved you the way you deserved to be loved, not the world.

this world and the people in it are so much kinder and gentler than you were made to believe as a scared, lonely child hiding in your bedroom. allow yourself to accept that kindness without shying away from it for fear that you don’t deserve it, for fear that you didn’t earn it. you don’t need to earn love — you never did. and you have always deserved it.

[drumlincountry]

I am at the stage of trauma recovery that feels like reattaching previously dead limbs.

[total-drama-brainrot]

i love how basically every future! au i've seen has noah divorced from emma.

it's just so funny that, instead of having the two break up amicably after dating for a while and realising they're just not compatible/meant to be, most creators go out of their way to make noah this sad divorced man who fumbled his successful lawyer wife and ended up with the short end of the stick. yes! make this man pathetic and depressed! he's the saddest wet cat in existence!

[hussyknee]

I hate how not having any self worth keeps hurting everyone close to me, because I think they can't possibly love and care for me the way I do for them since I'm not worth it. I project all my self-hate onto them and always think they'll be fine and much better off without me. Never wrapping my head around the fact that having someone you love push you away and keep anticipating that you'll leave, no matter how much you try to show that you won't, fucking hurts and makes you feel like nothing you do will ever be enough. It's really difficult when someone treats your love and care like they're less real and true and deep than theirs.

Hurting yourself hurts the people that love you whether you want it to or not.

[vizthedatum]

I will not excuse abuse or disregard for my feelings/boundaries.

I will not enable my insecure attachment to a person who consistently exhibits this behavior.

I understand that maintaining insecure attachments is not the same as maintaining a relationship.

I will not settle for the veil of safety.

I want real safety.

I want real relationships.

[cat-eye-nebula]

Tips & Tools for Releasing Stored Trauma in Your Body

🌻Somatic Experiencing: Developed by Dr. Peter Levine, Somatic Experiencing can release trauma locked in the body. This method is the result of a combination of stress physiology, psychology, neuroscience, medical biophysics and indigenous healing practices. (Videos on youtube)

🌻Mindfulness and Movements: going for a walk, bike ride, Boxing, Martial arts, yoga (or trauma-informed yoga), or dancing. People who get into martial arts or boxing are often those who were traumatized in the past. They’re carrying a lot of anger and fighting is a great release for them. Exercise helps your body burn off adrenaline, release endorphins, calm your nervous system, and relieve stress.

Release Trapped Emotions: 🍀How to release anger from the body - somatic healing tool 🍀Somatic Exercises for ANGER: Release Anger in Under 5 Minutes 🍀Youtube Playlist: Trauma Healing, Somatic Therapy, Self Havening, Nervous system regulation

🌻 Havening Technique is a somatosensory self-comforting therapy to change the brain to de-traumatize the memory and remove its negative effects from our psyche and body. It has a calming effect on the Amygdala and the Limbic system. 🌼Exercise: Havening Technique for Rapid Stress & Anxiety Relief 🌼Exercise: Self-Havening with nature ambience to let go of painful feelings 🌼Video: Using Havening Techniques to rapidly erase a traumatic memory (Certified Practitioner guides them through a healing session)

🌻Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a psychotherapy technique often used to treat anxiety and PTSD. It incorporates rhythmic eye movements while recalling traumatic experiences. This combo changes how the memory is stored in the brain and allow you to process the trauma fully.

🌻Sound & Vibrational Healing: Sound healing has become all the rage in the health and wellness world. It involves using the power of vibration – from tuning forks, singing bowls, or gongs – to relax the mind and body.

🌻Breathwork is an intentional method of breathing that helps your body relax by bypassing your conscious mind. Trauma can overstimulate the body’s sympathetic nervous system (aka your body’s ‘fight-or-flight’ response). Breathwork settles it down.

Informative videos & Experts on Attachment style healing: 🌼Dr Kim Sage, licensed psychologist  🌼Dr. Nicole LePera (theholisticpsychologist) 🌼Briana MacWilliam 🌼Candace van Dell 🌼Heidi Priebe 

Other informative Videos on Trauma: 🌻Small traumas in a "normal" family and attachment: Gabor Maté - The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture 🌻Uncovering Triggers and Pattern for Healing: Dr Gabor Maté  🌻Understanding trapped emotions in the body and footage of how wild animals release trauma

Article: How Trauma Is Stored in the Body (+ How to Release It)

Article: 20 self-care practices for complex trauma survivors

[lovelifeinlove]

[healingmosiac]

✌🏼

[kimchicuddles]

Healing and wholeness. Thank you so much for supporting my work! patreon.com/kimchicuddles

text reads:

People respond to trauma in so many different ways, and the ones I don't recognize from my own experience sometimes confuse me.

People heal from trauma in so many different ways. 

The things that helped me were sometimes so far from my initial strategies for healing that they confused me too...

And made me notice that some of the things I thought were keeping me safe 

were actually keeping me walled away from my own wholeness.

There are a lot more people who would rather play house than build foundations.

And I never thought I was one of them.

But letting you love me has shown me how alone I'd been keeping myself in the company of others.

[pluralhottakes]

People need to understand that criticizing anti-endos is often religiously intolerant or ableist and excludes people of certain beliefs or opinions from spaces where they can share isn't the same "i hate anti-endos!! I want anti-endos to be isolated!"

And saying that this is a problem that also affects people in real life (whether through religious intolerance, forced medicalization, etc.) is not comparing it to forms of systematic oppression.

(anti endo I'm not just referring to those who call themselves that, but rather anyone who believes that any form of plurality NEEDS TO BE medicalized and traumatic).

.

[yuckydraws]

(Click for better quality)

Healing & Growth

(gif made by my friend @robanilla-arts is below - slight warning for flashing! Thanks again, Rob!)

[jemeryl]

As someone overwhelmed at the prospect of reparenting myself, where do I start?

I'm sorry I didn't see this earlier, I've been using social media very sporadically this year. I have a lot of thoughts on this topic to share that are based on my long and ongoing healing journey.

This is going to be a lot of information about something that's already overwhelming, so I've tried to include advice on how to deal with the overwhelm of it all.

Disclaimer: I'm not a mental health professional. With that in mind, these are what i consider the main aspects:

Physical Reparenting (getting your needs met/asking for help)

Emotional Reparenting (understanding what you're going through)

Finding Other Kids to Play With (making healthy connections) (highlighted because it's the one most personal to me!)

1 - Physical Reparenting: getting your needs met/asking for help

I put this at the top because you need to stay alive in order to heal, and sometimes that's all you can manage. That means feeding yourself and your dependents, cleaning, doing laundry, UGH. Your parents didn't teach you how to do any of that, but other people can. And when you don't have the energy to ask, or you feel too ashamed, you have the internet!

A search engine can help you with even the most basic of topics. How do I brush my teeth? How do I do my laundry? How do I make friends?

Importantly, there is now lots of advice on how to do these things when you're struggling. For example: disposable paper plates and cups mean you don't have to do dishes. There are recipes you can learn so you can get a healthy meal with minimum effort.

I've found reddit great for this, eg: mom for a minute and cleaning tips. I've usually found that you can ask anything, even the most embarrassing thing, and people will either give you advice or direct you to where you can find out more.

You can't learn it all at once: focus on one thing at a time and find something that works. Once you've built the muscle memory for that one thing, you can focus on learning a new thing. That way, over time, you can build up your toolbox and turn your attention to other things. Such as...

2 - Emotional Reparenting: Understanding what you're going through

Often when we're abused or neglected, we lack the language to articulate or even understand what we went through, let alone heal from it. Once you understand what happened to you and why you act the way you do, you can start to figure out how to come back from it. This is where you learn to parent yourself emotionally.

There are lots of resources, so find one that resonates with you. Stick with it till you've got what you need from it, then move onto the next.

Here are some resources I've personally found helpful, based on what form of media you like to consume.

Books: From surviving to thriving by Pete Walker, The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk

Podcast: Respectful Parenting by Janet Lansbury. This is aimed at parents of infants and toddlers, but I'm finding it extremely helpful in being compassionate to myself and others when feelings are running high.

YouTube: Heidi Priebe; The Crappy Childhood Fairy. These two make videos on attachment trauma and various things related to CPTSD. Also on specific issues that crop up in our relationships and daily lives. They also are great for recommending other resources that you might find helpful.

3 - Finding other kids to play with: Making healthy connections

Playing is super important, whatever age you are! So many of us were too busy parenting our parents, or we never had anyone to play with, or we only ever got bullied. It's an essential part of childhood development that we missed in some way. This is something I find distinct about reparenting and treating childhood trauma.

This is hardest part by far, imo, but a vital one. Going to therapy is a great step. Devouring content and learning how to meet your basic needs is essential. But I believe true healing can only take place by establishing and maintaining genuine connections with others. Playing is the perfect way to do that!

Connecting with people is easier said than done, so how the heck do you go about it, you may ask? Keep going, gentle reader, because I have got some tried and tested advice for you!

This is the long one, so skip to the bottom for the tldr.

Mental health support groups are great, but spending all your time talking about how miserable you are can get you stuck ruminating and make you feel even shittier. That's something to be mindful of.

I recommend joining a group activity, like a sport, band, or gaming club.

Ideally something you're passionate about, your hyperfixation, even if it feels cringe. A structured activity gets everyone motivated to meet up regularly (something that's very hard to do for the purpose of just hanging out); all the burden of making conversation is taken off because you can all focus on the task at hand; and you have to practice communicating with one another to make it work.

Connecting with people is scary, and you will make mistakes and get hurt. It's important to keep trying anyway.

You will run into people like you, who are suffering and trying to better themselves. They will act out because they can't help it. They'll flake, they'll ghost, they'll accuse you of being abusive because they can't tell if it's abuse, a genuine mistake, constructive criticism, what have you. They sometimes turn into abusers themselves because they're now in a situation where they can punch down and get away with it. That makes people feel powerful in a way they've never felt before, which is seductive.

You might do any and all of these things, but you can learn to fix your behaviour. You will find people who'll establish appropriate boundaries, support your growth, and you will emerge as a healthier, better person.

The key is to find a peer group that is committed to healing together.

This takes time and experimentation, but you are not alone. You will find people of all ages and walks of life who will walk this path with you. This is what all the resources and books are for: learning to identify how to make connections and build a community that's healthy and supportive. Where you will probably fuck up and hurt each other, but will fight to come back from it and fight to grow together. This is where you will build the healthy, enriching relationships you should've have from the very beginning.

You may need to sever unhealthy connections.

It's extremely painful and difficult to cut off a family member, partner, or friend who's bad for you, and this is a whole topic on its own. However, you can develop a sense of when to stay and when to leave, and even though it's hard and lonely, you will be able to find people who are better for you. That will make it easier to know who to commit to in the long run.

TLDR: Focus on the social thing that brings you the most joy.

It takes a few tries to find out what is the best thing for you. Once this is stable, then you can expand your horizons.

Personal example: For this entire year, my main social focus has been keeping my Dungeons & Dragons groups going. I have two games a week on average, so I get to DM and play. Now that that's stable, I can go back to other friendships, and stuff I neglected (such as social media). The people who are worth it are the people who would never hold it against me for going off the grid for awhile.

I hope this has been helpful!

[worldwidewandress]

Feeling constantly drained in relationships with other people where giving and receiving is rarely healthily balanced?

Let me guess—you grew up emotionally neglected where love was conditional and care inconsistent?

Read on ...

You’re not just doing nice things for people ...

... nor are you just trying to make them feel good ...

... nor merely feeling responsible for their emotions or ‘fixing’ their moods to maintain peace and harmony.

What you’re actually doing is ...

... (unconsciously) choosing people who mistreat you, and when they hurt you, you try to ‘prove’ your worth and ‘convince’ them to treat you better, rather than walking away ...

... you seek validation from the same place that takes it away from you ...

... you’re trying to 'win' love and approval of the same people that withhold it ...

... you’re trying to get your core needs met in the same place that keeps depriving you of them ...

... you’re trying to ‘survive’ in the same environment where, once, walking away was not an option ...

... and so you prioritize unhealthy attachments over your well-being in the aim to (unconsciously) 'rewrite' the painful past which only keeps the cycle going ...

... while disconnecting from it triggers your survival instincts ...

... and that’s the core of your trauma response called people-pleasing.

It’s time to stop. You are worthy of everything your heart desires without having to overextend yourself. You just need to learn to really believe in it before you're ready to make different choices. Awareness is the first step. It's safe to walk away; this time—you will survive. (;

[angria]

I don't know why the attachment shit is so loud. The perpetually bleeding void throbbing, burning. Consuming.

I see T in 15 minutes and I'm already crying. I just want T. I miss J. I want safety. I want a childhood. I want a past.

I'm just left with the broken shards. With only her in the reflection.