#codependency

[thepeacefulgarden]

[crimeronan]

YES many dynamics have like 7 of these at once. but i'm in A Mood. tell me about ur faves and their awful bullshit.

[angeloftuesdayy]

"and after all the things we put each other through and I would drive on to the end with you"

[guiltyidealist]

Latest hobby: radical self-acceptance codependency affirmations

I like to use over-the-top edgy imagery to invoke the ~emo~ sentiments we associate with edge, juxtaposing the aggressively self-loving text. accentuates the punk nature of radical acceptance

[johnnyiscaged]

How to stop depending on a person who has wanted nothing to do with you for 8 months no glue no borax

[loveyourlovelysoul]

If you grew up needing to keep everyone happy and content in order to avoid excessive negative reactions or behaviours, chances are you need to bring this habit also in the other relationships you join. So anytime the other person is feeling down, you may start stressing over what you can do to make them better, if it was your fault (you may think this even if it objectively isn't possible -eg. this person has had a bad day at work and you don't even work with them- cause you were often accused or blamed for everything in the past), and may stress them even more to get answers to your doubts.

If it happens, try to remind yourself that it's okay to have bad moments and to feel sad: it's part of life as much as feeling good and happy. It doesn't have to be your fault (and very likely it's not) and you don't have to be responsible for everyone's feelings. The person you're dealing with is just a person as you are, and they cannot always be happy and hyped, they do deal with stuff aside of your relationship too (not to say that even if it was something about the relationship, you still can give them space and the ability to process the situation at their own conditions). Let them know you're by their side if they need support or to talk or anything, and then let them deal with anything the way they rather. You don't have to make anything better for everyone, it's not on you. Sometimes people don't need to be saved by you and that's fine.

[f-zzysocks]

the self destructive urge to get into an abusive relationship

[hisbucky]

Eddie: I think we need some space. Buck, sadly: Yeah, a little space might do us some good. I don't want us to fight. Eddie, jaws clenched: Right. It's for the better. Buck: *gets off Eddie's lap, and sits on the other side of the couch.* Chimney, whispering: They do know that they're still holding hands, right? Hen: Shush, this is a big moment for them.

[thepeacefulgarden]

And remember, they don't have to hit you in order to qualify as an abuser. Do they...

Say mean and/or creepy things and then try to walk it back as "just a joke?"

Tell you that you're "too sensitive" when you call out their words or behavior?

Use the Bible, the Quran, the Torah, the Vedas, or any other religious text to justify mistreating you?

Treat you badly, apologize, promise never to do it again, and proceed to do it again?

Try to control where you go, how you dress, who you see and talk to, what and how much you eat, etc.?

Snoop through your phone, emails, belongings, or other private stuff without your OK? Or manipulate you into "letting" them do so?

Track your menstrual cycle (if you have one) without your OK? Or manipulate you into "letting" them do so?

Try to make you keep a pregnancy you don't want (or terminate one you do)? Or try to dictate what (if any) birth control you use?

Threaten to hurt themselves or other people if you leave, or "step out of line?"

Break or throw things when they're upset?

Punch holes in walls, doors, etc.?

Make you (or try to make you) engage in sexual acts you don't enjoy, don't feel ready for, don't feel comfortable with, or just plain aren't in the mood for?

Try to make you feel like a bad person for saying "no" to sex?

Try to distance you from your friends and family?

Actively try to turn your friends and family against you? Or you against them?

Get mad when you say no or try to set a boundary?

Call you degrading names?

Use your insecurities against you?

"Neg" or "should" you into conforming to their preferences?

Try to get you to quit your job, or get you fired?

Use drugs, alcohol, a bad day at work, or whatever their deal is as an excuse for their behavior? If so, you need to get out. Now. Make a plan. I promise, it doesn't get better as long as you are in this relationship. You cannot love the red flags out of people. Even if they don't hit you now, there's a good chance they'll start sooner or later; abuse has a nasty tendency to escalate.

[she-is-ovarit]

The man several years older than you who calls you "more mature than your own age" is grooming you. The man who says you are "special" or "unique" is grooming you. The man who calls you an "old soul" is grooming you.

These are grooming phrases.

The man several years older than you who keeps circling back to "Gosh, I can't believe you're real! But are you sure you want this? I'm so much older than you!" when you're cuddling or making out is grooming you. He is asking you that question during intimate moments as a way to unconsciously manipulate you into denial and perhaps get you to reassure whatever guilt he has, if he has any. Asking this while showering you with affection is an attempt to bait and coerce you into saying yes. Whether done unconsciously or consciously, he is fulfilling an emotional need you have for love or protection while at the same time getting you to say out loud to yourself and to him that you want this in order to work your brain into ignoring any bad gut feeling or doubt you have, then or in the future.

That is grooming behavior.

I understand that you might not want this to be true, and that you feel pulled to him. I understand it might feel more parental or brotherly than it does sexual or romantic. But this is how grooming works in many, many cases. The attachment or relationship fulfills a psychological need or wound you had from a parent or a sibling. His behaviors might very well be fatherly or brotherly, and then over time those little interactions blur into something else that you can't quite make sense of but that you like.

That magnetic, psychological pull you feel is not a sign of healthy attachment or a healthy relationship. You can be groomed as a child, you can be groomed as a teen, you can be groomed as a 20 year old.

And, yes, this goes for lesbians, bisexuals, gay men too. I speak with heterosexual situations in mind because there is a depressing, astounding pattern of heterosexual men grooming women and girls younger than them. But I have encountered plenty of gay men and lesbians in horrible codependent relationships that they feel simultaneously both trapped in and glued to.

[zootopiathingz]

Codependent charlastor is so hot. Yes Alastor is a merciless overlord with an insane amount of power but he will not be able to function if he is not within 5 feet of Charlie for the next hour. Yes Charlie is the princess of Hell and she could very easily take care of herself but like why would she want to when her emotional support demon is right there and willing to do it for her

[guiltyidealist]

"I'm sorry I vented and took up your time with my bullshit" ❌

feeds abandonment fears, implies having needs and being helped with them are wrong, makes it all about you

"Thank you for being patient with me through that, I appreciate that you took the time" ✅

shows your gratitude, affirms your affinity, no "using up" anybody's effort, makes it about you both as equals

"I'm sorry I dumped without checking consent first. I need to act respectfully and ask for your permission before I vent" ✅

"I'm sorry I said x, that was inappropriate of me to put on you" ✅

"Was it okay when I said x the way I did?" ✅

"Would you like to place a boundary around that?" ✅

"What could I do/say instead that's healthier for us both?" ✅

correct an actual wrong, seize due accountability, consider their rights as much as yours, make amends, work to correct missteps going forward

[coolingrosa]

My concept of the fallen stars.

[loveyourlovelysoul]

Gentle reminder that you cannot control and make others behave the way you want or the way that would make you feel better or that you think it's better. You can suggest something, give your opinion ofc, but in the end it's their life, they have the last decision and are not responsible of making your well-being/obeying to you while they take it. They need to act the way they rather and feel it's better for them to. They also need to make their own mistakes, if it's the case. And you cannot do anything about it. You just need to trust them, let them be and support them (if you can/agree ofc -it depends on the situation). And you also need to take care of yourself and your codependency and/or eventual triggers related to this. It's a long path, but you can make it. Separate your worth and deservance from how well you do for others or you suggest/help them, from how much they see you or listen to you. Your worth doesn't depend on any of these things.

[cupid-archives]

having one of those nights

[hisbucky]

Hen, concerned: You need to call Eddie. Buck: What? Why? Did something happen? Chimney: That's the thing, we don't know. He isn't answering any of our calls. Buck: Oh. Just a second... Buck, turning to his phone: Babe, why didn't you tell me the others were trying to reach you? Eddie, currently on a call with Buck for the past couple hours: I had better things to do. Chimney, whispered: ...What. Hen: ...I'm going to murder him.