#but this is just inward and outward affection

[poisonedfate]

bbc merlin - 03x08 The Eye of the Phoenix

the guy who can barely get the words "we're friends" past his lips vs the guy who will call you his best friend within the first day of you meeting aka the different representations of love and affection in bbc merlin

[chillinglikeashilling]

There's something about Sam's fear that other people don't see her as being a full person that I can't separate from the fact that she was so happy and eager to join Jammer and Victor's conversation on the island.

I'm sure Sam is still in contact with her mom but everyone in her immediate physical community is white.

Her intern and the producer of the show, both of whom she just can't seem to connect with emotionally and she so easily seems to overwhelm with her ideas.

There's also something there about Sam being central to their goals in terms of becoming an influencer and having a successful show, but at the same time she and her success are not something they seem to understand fully? There's a layering there of Sam being Black and Magical and both of those things contributing to that cultural distance.

The producer says 'somehow things always work out for Sam' and the intern is trying to borrow T2 for an animal gimmick without understanding that Sam is genuinely enthusiastic and interested in all the things she does for the show.

And I love Evan, but having white friends who do understand you is not actually a replacement for being able to participate in Black community. It can help but that's all it can do.

Also Aabria specifically commented on Evan's attempts to always cycle in on himself, to maintain some emotional distance for his own protection and I think one of the really sad things that Evan doesn't realize about the stonewall he's built is that it's also going to reduce his efforts and ability to be there for his friends. You can't maintain distance and closeness at the same time no matter how attentive you try to be to the other person. The wall will block outward affection as well as inward.

This is obviously very colored by my own experiences but I remember finding the African Student Society in university and it feeling like a lifeline. That's what I remember when Danielle says Sam wants to be in that moment with the other Black people present.

[marinersubmariner]

tidal

Part of why I fixate on Ahch-To and Kef Bir is that I love ocean/water/shore imagery, and because they cater so specifically to my aesthetic preferences it really amplifies how I view Rey and Ben's connection.

I like the symbolism of the Force and the bond as something like a tidal push and pull; the intertidal zone as a middle ground perpetually alternating between two extremes (land/water, high/low, light/dark); the interconnectedness of an ecosystem affected by planetary movement; the dark side as drowning; etc.

I'll simply never be over that so much of the Force bond took place with Rey on Ahch-To in the middle of an ocean, and then that setting was mirrored in their final battle and Ben's redemption. How that all evolved from their first fight taking place in the snow, as though it thawed into a raging sea. Rey from the desert thrust into situations where she is surrounded by water, new and unfamiliar and overwhelming. Water as simultaneously a desperate life-giving necessity and a dangerous life-taking unknown (like Ben, like the Force). You imagine an ocean.

There's also the Ahsoka show's use of the World Between Worlds tying in with the ocean, which only reinforces that link in my mind of water and liminal spaces between the Living Force and the Cosmic Force. Or something about the relationship between deep sea + outer space: they're the same, in reverse! The Force bond pulling inward and infinitely deeper versus the Force itself expanding and reaching ever outward.

And now The Acolyte has added onto this too! Sol: talking about the Force as an ocean me: hooting and hollering and pointing at the screen

If you want more of a literal narrative thread, I'm choosing to view this as a fix-it continuation of this previous drawing—Rey hopped into the World Between Worlds and pulled Ben back and they both washed up on Ahch-To. :) Not pictured: the fish nuns just out of frame saying "ah shit, here we go again."

[colebabey888]

Clearing Your Gut | THE IT GIRL DIARIES

Your gut is connected to multiple parts of your body, the main areas are your immune system, your heart and your brain but it has affects on a lot of other areas aswell, such as your skin, metabolism, hair.

I had an unhealthy gut and it was very noticeable, through my skin, weight all the way down to my emotional state.

It's very important to take care of your gut, it affects your body inwards and outwards.

Here are a few things I did to clear my gut that could help you too

Began eating balanced meals ( make sure your meals have a mix of healthy carbs, protein and healthy fats such as avocado or beans ect )

Cut out sugar ( I have a very sweet tooth so I was consuming artificial sugar almost EVERY DAY and that affected me so much, especially my skin and it showed. Cut out artificial sugar and try replacing it with healthy glucose foods such as strawberries, watermelon, oranges, berries or make your own sweets mixed with honey, lemon and ginger, similar to cough drops. If you can't cut out sugar completely, limit your intake instead )

Began drinking green juices ( i drink one everyday but a few times a week is more than enough )

Added leafy greens into all of my meals including my snacks ( if you're already consuming a lot of greens then you're more than welcome to skip the green juices )

Exercise ( when i say exercise, i don't mean you have to be hitting the gym everyday for 2 hours, i jump on a bike for 15-30 min and it does the job, the goal is just to move your body so that your body burns fat instead of storing it )

Fixed my sleeping schedule ( i used to have really bad insomnia, your brain needs atleast 8 hours of rest to reprogram and function well for the next day )

GINGER ( i include ginger into my green juices and it's a game changer, but if you're not planning on drinking green juices, try incorporating ginger elsewhere, such as ginger tea or even just eating a tiny block will do )

Limit alcohol intake and quit smoking! ( this is very important, nicotine and tabbaco can have major negative affects on your health but this should be common sense )

Lastly Water ( this shouldn't be something that's new, we need water, our bodies need water in order to flush out bacteria and hydrate our body but make sure you drink enough, I started drinking atleast 2-3 liters everyday. Tip: get an aesthetic everyday water bottle that's atleast 1 litre, this will hopefully encourage you to drink water )

remember that everyone's body is different and some people might need to make more changes in their lifestyle in order to clear their gut, do you research and try making changes that cater to your needs.

-------

mwah! xoxo, colebabey8.88

[thatstheproblemwithnapkinman]

something that kind of annoys me is when peoiple genuinely criticise tom taylor's nightwing run by saying "dick is so out of character in those 2 issues where he gets the shit beaten out of him and then falls through his window"

bc

that is taken out of the context of dick recovering from a traumatic brain injury so yeah he's going to be off balance after being whacked in the head MULTIPLE TIMES what are you talking about?!?!

it's ok, just breathe

the panel for reference

Nightwing (2016) #83 pp. 12

don't believe me?

dick gets shot in the head just above his left ear, which you can see in both of these panels and in the cover for nightwing (2016) #50 (if you pretend if's a mirror image bc why is it on the right)

Batman (2016) #55 pp. 21 Nightwing (2016) #50 pp. 2

Nightwing (2016) #50 Cover

you can also see his brain scans in the same issue which nicely show the area of damage and literally list what happened

Nightwing (2016) #50 pp. 2

so he lost bone (skull), blood (obviously), brain tissue (we'll come back to this), cerebrospinal fluid (bc there was a whole in his head), and suffered from severe vascular swelling (we'll return here too)

so, what brain tissue did dick lose?

here's the very basic anatomy of the human brain

John Hopkins Medicine - https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/anatomy-of-the-brain (i drew the red circle)

now the ears sit just in front of the cerebellum, roughly somewhere around the red circle which lines up with the brain scan showing the damage is roughly in that notch where the temporal lobe and parietal lobe meet

the temporal lobe is involved with speech, rhythm, and short term memory

the parietal lobe is involved with pain and touch recognition, recognising objects, and oh would you look at that, spatial recognition

dick go shot in the part of the brain that tells the body where it is in relation to objects

no wonder he had a hard time fighting and trying to climb through windows, his coordination was all fucky

now the cerebellum is the part of the brain that affects balance BUT but but but we haven't talked about vascular swelling yet

vascular swelling is where the walls of the blood vessels swell (whodathunk) and this causes a reduction in the blood supply as they swell inwards

outward swelling with increase pressure on the brain which is not good either BUT this reduced blood flow = less oxygen to the brain = damage

there's a reason the symptoms of hypoxia pre-passing out are pretty much limited to your brain bc that's the organ that goes first

so with a decrease in bloodflow to his brain, there is a decent change damage was also done to every single part of his brain

now the blood supply does come in past the cerebellum so tbh there probably wouldn't be that much damage if at all however even with that it would explain how dick was still effected from getting shot

so having learned all that, lets take a look at issues 81 & 83 shall we

in #81...

Nightwing (2016) #81 pp. 5

he gets whacked in the head by heartless, someone with enhanced strength

Nightwing (2016) #81 pp. 12

he passes out because he's been whacked on the head near to where he was shot

Nightwing (2016) #81 pp. 13

this is nicely confirmed by babs

Nightwing (2016) #81 pp. 19

he gets pushed back whilst fighting and due to his injury induced lack of spatial awareness, he falls down the stairs

then in #83, after fighting blockbuster, almost getting shot again, and flying through a helicopter...

Nightwing (2016) #83 pp. 12

he falls through his window

so yeah, i do think this is reasonable for dick to do given he's recovering from a brain injury and has just been hit in the head and probably hit it whilst falling down the stairs

and if you've made it this far, i want to emphasise the 20 million valid reasons to criticise tom taylor's nightwing run, but this just isn't one of them

[sunlit-mess]

what is bpd, and how does it make you feel? do you have different personalities? do they just randomly take over each other?

sorry if this sounds stupid. i js want to understand it better :)

Borderline Personality Disorder

where you're all sunshine and rainbows for one second then it's the end of the world, you're already burning while not even reaching hell yet in the next.

tbh we just try to find the fun in chaos idk it's orbital insanity but hehehey what else can we do- we might as well dance with it

( I'm also trying hard to understand it myself- the info here is just my past knowledge in researching this disorder. )

BPD is a cluster B personality disorder that severely affects your emotional function and regulation. Everything else will scream INSTABILITY.

There are a lot of factors that cause the development of this disorder, and environmental influence (TRAUMA) is the most common. Psychiatric comorbidity is also common for people with this disorder.

BPD affects your entire being and life: from behavior, relationships, perception, mood swings, way of thinking, etc. + There are other variants to it like > Petulant bpd: unpredictable asf mood swings and taken outward + sometimes/often tied with narcissism > Impulsive bpd: engages in risky behavior bc of impulse > Self-destructive bpd: plagued with deep self-hatred + sh behaviors > Quiet bpd/discouraged: high-functioning and experience is inward than outward

Main symptoms are: Intense mood swings (explosive /unpredictable/rapid change), Unstable self-image, Unstable intense relationships, Fear of abandonment/rejection, Chronic feelings of emptiness, risky/dangerous behaviors (from sh to impulse), disoriented/dissociative... Honestly, there's more to it but that's its main criteria for how they figure it out I guess.

When u talk about self-image/personality with this disorder, you're likely to mirror others, then it sends you to an existential crisis of who the fuck you are really without the people you're mirroring from/connected with.

Or, you have extreme beef with yourself that you don't feel like your own soul, body, or mind, you just want to literally burn yourself to the ground or crawl out of your own skin to feel 'right'.

[barrenclan]

just binge read the entire thing up till the recent update (up till 6 am. Don’t do this) and went nuts looking at things for asphodelpaw bc MM MM I love a well crafted narrative. She reminds me of a character I have as well, whose been affected by generations of trauma, but he deals w it in such an immature, teenager-y way bc well. He is. And so was she. She lashed out at Pinepaw bc she desperately wanted approval, some kind of warm reception from an authority figure, and bc her mother has been so distant, she didn’t seek it from her, instead she looked to her mentor Plumstripe (who, admittedly in very nature of being a mentor, had assumed not just an authority role, but a familiar one, one that was supposed to be close, like family.) and Plumstripe, having internalized the cruelty and generations long self inflicted torture Barrenclan does, began to pass down not just that, but the feelings dredged by a splintered relationship w her sister and family. Plumstripe, who validated her own feelings by passing them down and seeing them repeated. And Asphodelpaw so desperate to be close, to be useful, to feel valuable, gave her everything. And yet none of it was enough. (I noticed that while she didn’t try pursuing Cormorantpaw like Daffodilpaw did, she seemed to try and make up for that by needling her brother, something that Plumstripe, from her constant fights w her sister amd the laugh she gave upon actually being there for some of the sniping, clearly liked. At least to try and catch up w Beenose, who was seen being smug abt Daffodilpaw trying to get Cornorantoaw to open up.) And as time went on, the burden of loneliness, frustration, and despair cracked the walls and mask she had built. And the biggest crack came from Slugpelt trying to reconcile w her children, and Pinepaw coming out and trusting his family w that vulnerable secret. Something that shook her enough that she couldn’t help but look inward, to see that she was unhappy, to look outward, and see that the place and people she had looked up to so blindly were hurting her. And she made the right choice, something that speaks so much abt her character. She didn’t withdraw deeper into herself or double down on this performance for the clan she’d been doing, she said “wait, this is wrong. It shouldn’t be like this. And I have the power to change that.” And she HAULED ASS. She went to Egrettail for advice on her feelings of isolation from the culture and pressure the clans have toward she-cats, and finding her footing in her identity that she had grasped for but never realized she could reach until now. She went to Pinepaw and apologized, something that’s surprisingly hard to do, ESPECIALLY for a kid. Her character arc had hit a new track, and she was building a new, authentic confidence. And then all at once she died. And now she’ll be frozen there, never completing her journey, haunting the world she was ripped from. It’s AWFUL (<- said w a smile) I love deeply flawed characters, they’re just so real. Kind hearted and well-meaning characters like Pinepaw are great too, but to me there’s something so visceral abt characters that do the immature things, the selfish things, etc.

You’ve crafted a very interesting story here, with lots of little lore tidbits that make the world feel so much more real, and you’ve backed it up w characters and narrative w so much passion and thought. You care, not just about the story and characters you are writing, but the narrative it presents, the reaches it has. Thoughtfulness is one of the marks of a good writer, and you’ve got lots of it here. Thanks for making such a cool story. If you ever finish the human version, I think you’d have a solid chance at getting it published as an actual book. But if that’s not something you want, please be proud of your hard work and remember to sit back and admire it sometimes.

Thank you both for your very kind words on completely opposite ends of the spectrum.

[audreyscribes]

Ω PJO DEMIGOD HEADCANONS:

🌈IRIS: Goddess of Rainbows, Messenger of the gods☮

Author's note: Hello everyone! In lieu of posting the major gods demigod headcanons, here is the minor gods version! As usual these headcanons will contain what it's like being claimed and what it's like for the respective god and cabin, followed by a small story between you, the reader, and the respective demigod of that god. Thank you for reading and please like and reblog! [PJO MINOR GODS DEMIGOD HEADCANONS MASTERLIST] Disclaimer: To new fans or strictly TV watchers of the PJO series, future spoilers for the entire PJO series books will be referenced. Read at your own risk.

When you get claimed, rainbows appear over you and cast you like the faint rainbow light you see when the sun hits the window pane. If it’s outdoors, it doesn’t matter what the weather is like, there’s a rainbow overhead that follows you.

If you were around before the Titan war and are there as you hear a cabin will be constructed, Iris doesn’t wait as she immediately claims all of her children. All of them. All at once. There’s a massive explosion of rainbows that flash everyone and you get hit with even confetti and sprinkles for extra touch. There’s even glitter. Your skin is covered with a thin sheen of glitter…or its Iris claim effect. Your skin is absolutely glowing.  If you were indoors with other children of Iris, well…oh gods, those unfortunate poor souls. If you’re outside, the light and rainbows are more spread out and there’s a double rainbow above in the sky. 

You’re colourful one way or another. Inside, outside, outward, inward, it’s genetic.

Have you seen those weapons that have that rainbow-like colour on the metal? Yeah, it’s a signature of a child of Iris to wield one. It’s not only representative of who they are but also the rainbow scheming has a use that only applies to a child of Iris. What is it you ask? Well, you’re going to have to find that yourself. There won’t be an enemy or foe that faces a child of Iris that will be able to tell you.

“Beware the anger of a patient man” except more like “never make an enemy of a peaceful person”? Yeah, never get a child of Iris mad. Much like a child of Demeter, you really don’t want to break the straw over the camel’s back. 

You and your other half-siblings all have a favourite colour, but now imagine having a favourite hue, tint, shade- It’s not uncommon for each colour group to debate that their favourite colour is superior, for then to only debate within that colour group which shade/tint of that colour is superior. Even monochrome colour isn’t off the table either.

There’s a good chance you or your other siblings will have Synesthesia: where stimulation of one sensory or cognitive pathway leads to involuntary experiences in a second sensory or cognitive pathway, specifically Projective Synesthesia that have a connection with colour.  Like experience colour when when listening to music, assigning colours to the days of the calendar, tasting or smelling colour, etc-

All except for one universal thing though. You know Skittles and their “Taste the Rainbow”? Yeah. That. There’s a reason for that. An Iris child coined that. You all get free, lifetime skittles. 

You just know what photoshop colour code, pantone, and every other official colour assignment on the spot. Very handy at times.

Tye-dyeing is a very common activity at the Iris cabin. You guys regularly hold workshops with the other campers like a normal camp. In fact, dyeing and altering colours is a child of Iris’ speciality. Heck, they can even dye their own hair and eyes at will (within reason tho. Consequences of such things may apply or not. I.e. you may give yourself red or purple eyes but you also might be affected with the downfalls of being albino).

There have been times where such colouring effects have disastrous moments though. It’s no secret that a child of Iris can take away colour as much as they can give colour. One time, a child of Iris got so depressed and angry they made everything and everyone monochrome. It was…a thing. Children of Hypnos were not happy being affected by the lack of colours in theirs and everyone’s dreams, letting everyone experience what dreams were like before colour television was a thing. 

You have great communication skills, one way or another. Whether it’s vocal communication, literary communication, or whatever, you communicate well, and there’s no miscommunication. Miscommunication is the bane of an Iris child and they will not stand for it.

You all get a toll free call with the Iris messages, which is always a perk. But you do have to at least call Iris every so often, or visit/help her at her stores. Call it parent and child bonding time. That and also giving feedback on her organic products. The organic cookies were fine though.

Speaking of Iris, she’s probably one of the most chill, accepting, and free form parents out there. Of course she’s still a parent and you are subjected to the usual parent behaviour, but like dialled back. You can talk to her about anything, and it is usually done with anything. Sure, she may need some time to come around but it's less wrapping her mind around it, it's just her going, “Okay. Okay. Well as long you’re happy and safe” kind of deal. Coming out to her about anything is still nerve wracking but you know she has your support. Given it’s very ethical, not dangerous, and all that. Cause you know, parents. 

Your flag is the rainbow flag. Interpret that how you want and however you will. 

Every so often, you and your siblings will gather together and travel together to the end of the rainbow, to find a pot of golden drachmas. You all came to the consensus that it’s Iris giving you allowances. Though, be prepared just in case there are leprechauns at the end of the rainbow.

You blinked at all the technicolour happening all around you. There was a mini rainbow over you and it shimmered down what looked like glitter. You moved your hands and you caught a faint shimmer on it that was noticeable but not an eyesore. If you didn’t know better you thought you had put on dusting of powder. 

Your ears faintly heard murmuring, some yelling going “I can’t see!”, among the congrats on your claim by Iris. It was slight but you could hear the slight mocking tone that your mother was Iris, the goddess of Rainbows. You made a frown as the feeling in your gut became uncomfortable. 

You went to yell at the person mocking you until you saw this large boy who had a buzz cut haircut step forward through the crowd. He watched him give a scowl at the gossiper who let out a squeaky “eep!” cowering away as they shut up. 

He glared at them a bit longer before his head whipped to look at your direction. The sudden movement made you flinch and tense up, and when you thought he was simply looking in your direction, he looked at the floating claim above your head before looking down from it and landed his eyes on you. 

You felt sweat bullet out of you as he made his way over to you. You wondered who this guys was as he stepped right in front of you. You stood there, waiting for what was going to happen next as he inspected you; you looked at his appearance, taking in his muscular stature and the almost shaved head. Then you wondered: was he a child of Ares or one of the obnoxious demigods? A small flame of rage began to kindle as you remembered something; how people undermine Iris as a weaker goddess because she was the goddess of rainbows. Then you had the thought that he may be a bully demigod, here to assess you and reaffirm that every child of Iris was weak.

You hardened your resolve and it showed in your eyes. You stared at the person in front of you, your spine straightening as you did. You weren’t going to let anyone think you or your godly parent were any lesser because of their perceptions. You would show them. The two of you stared each other down before he let out a smirk. For a moment, you immediately tensed your muscles for a beatdown but then he gave a satisfying nod. 

“Good, you have resolve,” he praised which threw you in a loop and made you confused. He thumbed towards the onlookers and looked back at them with a disapproving look, making them flinch in embarrassment. “Look, don’t let anyone put you down and make you feel any lesser because of our mother being the Goddess of Rainbows. Iris is just as important as the other gods and is responsible for the Iris communication, which everyone uses. Keep your head up proud.” 

You blinked at him as his words seemed to settle the nasty feeling in you. It was still there but…

“I’ll try” you admitted as he nodded, “Um, not to be rude, but who may you be?” you asked. 

“I’m Butch Walker, son of Iris and cabin leader of the Iris cabin” he introduced and stuck out his hand. You took it numbly as you realised what he was saying. 

“Wait, so that means you’re my…?-”

“Yup. I’m also your half-sibling. So if someone has a problem with you, don’t worry about it cause I got your back.” He also leaned closer and gave a sneaky grin, “And Chiron is good terms with our mom too, so if people try something, they won’t just suffer one’s wrath.”

You smiled as you put more strength in your shake. He grinned with more teeth, before he patted your shoulder, a bit strongly I might add, and guided you away from the crowd. They parted before you as rainbows shimmered in your wake. “Let me help you get settled in the cabin, and when we have time, I’ll show you the pegasus.” 

“Pegasus?” you said a bit excitedly.

“Oh yeah,” he nodded, “Pegasus riding lessons aren’t usually allowed for most but since I’m a pegasus rider, I’m allowed to recommend those who have the talent or interest in it” he said. 

“That’s so cool…I’m willing to give it a try though” you admitted. 

Butch looped an arm around your shoulder and shook it, “Don’t worry, I’ll show you the reins.” 

You nodded and you took a few steps before you realised his puns. 

“Hey-”  

Butch let out a laugh as you couldn’t help smiling a little bit at it.in

[livelaughghoul]

Oscar Piastri Personality and Career Tarot Reading

Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only, nothing observed or taken away from this should be considered fact. As a reminder, I know fuck all about Formula 1, I just like fast cars and have a dumb amount of knowledge of astrology and tarot. 

Since I am just recently getting in F1, the first race I actually watched was the Hungary GP. Which like, what an introduction to the sport. Since then I have watched a lot of the replays from prior races, but my knowledge outside of the track is nonexistent. Having this be my first introduction to Oscar was interesting, and I think that there is a lot to unpack there between the team dynamic and the way they approach and relay information to both Oscar and Lando. I may end up doing a reading on two of them at some point, but we will see how I am feeling. 

This spread is actually amazing to me, because we have one of the better Swords followed with a slew of Cups. I love that we are mixing Swords and Cups (even if we are Cup dominated), because Swords are very self focused, almost interalized, whereas Cups are incredibly emotional. I think that it specifically being the Two of Swords really telling, especially with the specific correlation of the Cups we pulled. 

I really love this spread, like a lot. I usually don’t care much for wanting to learn more about the people on the grid, but I actually am interested in getting to know more about him because this is just so interesting to me. I might actually look into someone other than Jenson Button, Sebastian Vettel, and Kimi Raikkonen (honestly I owe that anon SO MUCH, because you truly have made my life so much better with these men). 

Outward personality - Two of Swords

This card has a soft spot in my heart because it absolutely is the introvert card. It’s protective in nature, and more reserved. While I don’t think it’s a full avoidance of feeling or expressing things, but it definitely is a more thought out or silent approach to emotions and expressing them. Since things are more reserved, there is going to be a lot to go through to develop a friendship or relationship with Oscar. I see a lot of people referring to him as a cat (which is hilarious, I love this), and I think that is really seen in this card positioning. Cats take time to develop trust in people, but when they do, it’s lifelong and so rewarding. Cats are also really good at masking how they really feel, I think that there is a lot of masking and hiding of things in terms of how he is feeling or what is being experienced. 

Inward personality - Ten of Cups

Interally, once you break past the resting bitch face and flat affect, you feel nothing but valued, delight, and at home. The Ten of Cups is like, coming home to your family after a long day at work and just getting to feel valued and at home. It’s a happiness, feeling fulfilled and loved. I love the switch up of the outward personality being this like professional brickwall, and then on the inside there is this soft gooey center filled with love and affection.

Current career - Queen of Cups, reversed

I’m not a huge fan of this one when it comes to the career, because I think that this has the possibility of being too willing to take everything lying down, allowing others to essentially make the decisions for you, and almost put yourself in a secondary or lower positioning. There is a lot of tenderness in this card, and I think that while yes, Oscar absolutely can be aggressive and challenge things, I think that there is alot of hesitancy in this. There is going to be this patience and accepting of whatever he is told to do. It absolutely tells me that he is a team player, but I think that there may be too much of prioritizing of others instead of himself. 

Future career - Three of Cups, reversed

No matter where he goes in his career, who is on a team with, or what his support team looks like, this man is making friends and building a community wherever he goes. Oscar is going to be able to foster a community wherever he ends up, and this is going to make work so much smoother, especially when there is a transitional period that happens. 

[sarucane]

Why did Ed want to "take it slow"?

Gonna do a few posts analyzing Ed's character development in the second half of S2--it all makes sense but the rush is on starting in ep5, so it's fun to unpack!

Ed came back to the Revenge because he wanted to give his relationship with Stede another go, not because he wanted to go into "recovery." But by the end of the episode he's asking Stede to take things slow, and at the start of e6 he's brooding nonstop about his guilt.

So what gives?

In this episode, Ed gets back to a place not dissimilar to where he was on the beach in S1E9--but he goes deeper. He's not exactly sure who "Ed" is, or what "Ed" wants. Like at the end of S1, changes in clothes directly lead to Ed evaluating his identity.

But while in season 1 Ed turned outward with this, grabbing onto Stede with the China plan and grabbing onto the crew with the talent show business, in s2 he turns inward.

Which is good really, because Ed needed to do that work. Running away to another place or putting on another identity won't let him escape himself.

But here's the bit that stings, but makes total sense: last season, Ed saw Stede as the only solid ground in his shifting identity. This time, while it's good that he's focusing on himself instead of externalizing, he's also not willing to trust Stede. To be a partner who'll help him figure out himself and their relationship. And he's not willing to trust himself with Stede, either.

Like in S1 at the "Wayward Seamen" school, Ed ended up having this identity crisis because of Stede. He went to the school because of Stede, and he came back to the Revenge because of Stede.

When he got back on the ship, Ed didn't want to reform, and he didn't want to deal with the consequences of his actions, on himself or other people.

But he did commit to "abide by the guidelines," and he did surrender all his authority on the ship. Because one part of his speech is sincere: he really wants to be on a safe space ship.

First, Ed sets out to stay busy and try to fix things. He pushes Stede to be a better captain, fixes the door, and looks for a shortcut with Lucius. But then Fang comes along and invites him fishing, and Ed does just that. Jumping right into the water (symbolizing: the subconscious).

And when he's fishing, Ed has practically no choice but to reflect. Ed asks Fang if he thinks Ed's a dick because he wants reassurance--he's shocked and resistant when Fang says "of course" he's a dick. And he's not only genuinely stunned when he learns that he was terrorizing Fang: he immediately apologizes.

And then Ed starts to really think about how his actions have affected people. He starts talking, again trying to figure out what he can do to fix it--and Fang doesn't let him rocket off into some hypothetical or justification. He makes Ed sit and think.

And Ed accomplishes something. He catches a perfectly fine fish and tells a story about it--he's made a controlled incursion into the subconscious, represented by water, and come out with a prize.

And then Ed's torn. He does really want to be with Stede, he's the one who initiates romantic-ness. He wants to be someone who can have "fine things," now represented by Stede's red shirt.

Yet, he also breaks the kiss quite quickly. Same for the hand-holding. And he and Stede do walk off together, but they're not touching, and they're discussing a neutral topic.

Ed knows that "to love the sea as she must be loved requires change." And he knows that he's changing, that what he's figured out about himself today is both important and very open-ended.

Ed and Stede need to talk about this stuff in order to succeed as a couple. But they don't. Stede tries to head off deeper discussion of why Ed wants to go slow, saying "oh I know," etc. And when Ed explains why he wants to go slow, he can only discuss it indirectly. He says "sometimes it's nice to be patient," and "you can't catch catch a fish...," and even admits at the end of the metaphor that he's not sure what the fish represents.

The last time Ed got vulnerable with Stede about his uncertainty around his self-identity, two things happened: Ed followed a whim and unknowingly dragged Stede along, and Stede left him. So, Ed doesn't trust either Stede or himself with Stede.

To Stede, this relationship is solid ground. He's been building it up in his head for weeks, dreaming every night, writing letter after letter, ranting to anyone who will listen. He's created this story and he believes it will become real--and he's not wrong. After all, the Revenge and its safe space is a story he created too, and it's real all around him.

But to Ed, their relationship is a place of risk. It's also a place of hope, but he's painfully aware that despair is the other side of that coin. Stede can say "I love everything about you" all he wants, but Ed has good reasons not to trust that.

Ed's right: the fish doesn't want to be caught. The moon behind them in this scene isn't a perfect romantic dream, it's a work in progress.

That said, fish never want to be caught!

A decision has to be made to do the work needed for a relationship. Stede's made that decision, made it when he decided to write letters every day whether Ed wanted them or would read them or not, made it back on the Red Flag when he began to really understand Ed's damage.

Ed loves Stede, but he doesn't feel safe being vulnerable with him. He doesn't have the solid ground he needs, either in himself or in his bond to Stede, to be able to make a decision like Stede's, to do the work in a relationship.

Not yet.

[rin-and-jade]

how can you begin to communicate if journaling hasn’t worked. there’s not back and forth convo or me not having memory of past entries. I just know I write things when I feel certain ways but there is no conversation bc it still feels like me .. just .. not me. and how do I know when I hear them vs when it’s intrusive thoughts or just my own thoughts? I would like to be able to talk and meet them. I want to know that they are real and not just me accidentally making it up or looking too deep into things. how can u know for sure that they are real and that you haven’t just overthought? that you haven’t willed them into existence?

If journaling hasn't worked, added by any lack of system activity as how you remember/wrote, you might have a more abstract experience rather than a direct one which is often discussed about; internal dialogue.

But it could also mean your dissociation barriers is still too high up the bar to facilitate healthy communication of the ability to self introspect, since internal communication is heavily affected by the slightest things such as brain fog, stress, lack of sleep, or physical/mental exhaustion. So, the first thing i would suggest you to do is putting aside your journal for a bit, try meditation (instead of writing things outwards, lets see how well you react to activities that requires to go inwards), and fix any stressor/needs that weren't met yet.

If you had done these two things for the past week with no changes, i will wait for you to come back, if something did change--or found something, come back earlier too! This is not a one-time-off advice, this is used to bring clarity to your situation.

Normal, intrusive, and alter thoughts are all different:

The normal ones are the ones you have daily, the things you plan to do next, planning meals, choosing your type of clothes for the day. It's characteristics will be having a consistent, uninterrupted flow,, being aware that it was thought by you, owned by you, innately.

The intrusive/impulsive ones ranges in a spectrum from uncomfortable (weird ones also counts) to panic-inducing. It is often short--a sentence or less, often associated with a cue too. Eg. you see a ledge, and your thoughts went "imagine dropping my phone down there" . Doesn't give the whole picture of what intrusive counts but its usually a thought barrages your logical or emotional reasoning in my own words.

Alter's thoughts are like the normal thoughts, but you can tell it came from a distinct perspective outside of what you were equipped with, oftentimes different accent, tone, or even the reasoning. A good way to tell if it's not an intrusive thought is if its capable of replying back or keep the conversation going. You also can attempt to deny/counter it whenever you have an intrusive thought to check which one it falls to.

Lastly, as hard as it sounds,, you cannot fake or will alters to being alive if you have a good cohesion of your integrity--which are singlets, or even me, an ex-system (yeah i final fused). It takes dissociation to do that, and i got no more dissociative coping mechanisms anymore, so its totally gone and silent in my head right now. Even if you still worry wether you truly have alters or not, its still a good idea to work on the unhealthy coping mechanisms that is not serving you well anymore.

- c

[pendwelling]

hello !!

I have been reading your content for a while and I really appreciate it especially your detailed answer to people questions I really like it 😄😄

That's why I want to ask my questions too☺️☺️

Hmmm so first , you know in chapter 805 yuseo called gain his Earth and in chapter 850 or close to it when yuseo knew his friends forgot about him ,he was having a breakdown 😭😭 and he said might even resent them for it but deep down he knew he can never hate his Earth forever 😭😭

Yeah so here yuseo only meant gain without Cedric?? So that means deep down yuseo has more affection and love gain more ? Cause I always thought he loves them both equally

Is gain maybe more important in the story thank Cedric? Cause I noticed that gain has many many POV in the story meanwhile Cedric having POV is very rare 😞 especially when yuseo left for his world almost all POVs were gain's ...so does that mean like she's 2mc after yuseo ?

I Know my questions may sound stupid but I actually care and notice these things while reading😅😅 like noticing that gain had also more screen time with yuseo than Cedric in the lastest chs 😅😅 that's why that thought occured to me

Hmm I have only another question ( sorry I talk too much but this novel really took my mind these days 😭😭 so I'm thinking about all kind of stuff) ... U know that Jesse suggested to yuseo to tell the people that they share a plate and yuseo accepted but Cedric refused? But eventually I didn't understand whether they did tell people that or just said that they were twins?

Cause honestly if they did do that wouldn't making a covenant with Cedric be quiet no possible since people know that they share plate

Honestly even now I think making a covenant might be really impossible for many reasons:

1/ yuseo already goes to his world and he spends most time there (he only spends two days in reister ) and the timeline is quite different?? Like a few days in his world are many months in reister??? Wouldn't that make him absent a long time??? When they become religious companions they can't be appart from each other a long time or they suffer like Fred and Aurelie right ? So I feel like yuseo wound not accept it

2/ when he becomes religious companion he can't share his ether with others (except gain maybe cause she and ced already have a connection ) it might be a dump reason but I feel yuseo would still want to help others with his ether especially Johann and future holy knight kids (Lynn and cerise)

3/ finally even if it's one sided yuseo and Jesse do share a plate so it would make it diffecult to form covenant cause Cedric emotions and thoughts will be shared to Jesse too ? It feels like he shared his plate with the two of them

So what do u think?

Man I really wrote a whole essay 😭😭😭

I'm sorry that u have to read through all of this 🥺🥺

And thanks for your answer in advance

Hello!!! Sorry late response 😭😭 I'm assuming you probably read more chapters ahead by now and might have gotten answers to your questions yourself, but I'll still give my own insights too haha

Anyhow—Yeah! Yeseo and Ga-in do indeed get some very notable moments during the later end parts of TWSB, but I personally think that the moments between Ga-in-Yeseo and Cédric-Yeseo are both equally spread out, and both with their own respective moments to shine, and sometimes all together and in different (equally important) ways. Cédric's POVs might not be as much in comparison to Ga-in's in certain moments, but (again personally) I find that this is because Ga-in's character and personality allows for certain scenes to be viewed and conveyed in much more appropriate ways than it could be in Cédric's. Cédric's POVs are also notably... dramatic. Intense (haha). Surprisingly poetic and heartwrenching at times, but it's always an elaboration of his inward emotional state, and not as much outward action.

Cédric is the kind of character whose internal narration is better when taken in small doses, especially because his unique perspective as a Crown Prince archetype (back in the 300s, for example, it was especially interesting to see Cédric's through outsider POVs and in an environment of—not equals, like with "Prince Jesse" and Lady Christelle and their other noble friends—but of commoners and soldiers who cannot interact with him as easily). His POVs are always very emotional (sometimes despite his outward actions seeming so abrupt or sudden or even "out-of-nowhere" if you havent seen his POV), and often related to his own psyche, his internal turmoil, the way relationships affect him personally and the childhood trauma that in turn affect how he goes about life and relationships, and even more particularly, Yeseo.

But as for the moments that you are talking about (800s+), in a way, it makes sense why we get more of Ga-in's perspectives. Both she and Yeseo, after all, are transmigrators who can both relate and understand on deeper levels the dilemma of having to leave one world for the other, and the struggles that come with this very unique experience. She's also undeniably WAY MORE emotionally intelligent than Cédric in this regard, and as the eldest, the noona of the trio, I think it was especially important for Ham Ga-in to have been the one taking the lead in this very emotional goodbye and see-you-later.

Yeseo can be thought of as the glue holding the three characters together, but Ga-in's role as the understated emotional pillar is also just as important and very vital to their dynamics as a whole!!!! 🥲

In the scene of 805, I think it's noteworthy that when Cédric and Ga-in are both leading Yeseo to the Paten, "walking him home," the way the two of them do so is very indicative of the roles they play in each others' lives and in this moment. Cédric holds Yeseo's hand with his right, leaving his dominant left hand free to wield the blade—physically and visibly demonstrating the silent support that Cédric is towards and provides for Yeseo. It should be noted that in all previous situations during fights where Cédric has had to carry Yeseo over his right shoulder, he always, ALWAYS, keeps his sword arm free to both fight and defend his partners. And even when he does have to give up the sword while fleeing with Yeseo over his shoulder, he'll have Ga-in under his sword arm as a "backup weapon" haha. This has been a recurring trend throughout the story, even when it's sometimes used in comedic scenarios, but it's a characteristic of his nonetheless that even the author acknowledged in one of their A/Ns xD (604 Munpia). BUT ANYWAY BACK TO 805—in contrast, Ga-in's support extends more to just supporting him with silent and strong gestures. She constantly talks to him, reaches out, reassures him, she appeases him with words and promises, speaking on both the behalf of herself AND of Cédric. She's the spokesperson for the two of them—her wishes are also Cédric's. If Cédric didn't feel the same way, he would have spoken up (heck, he probably wouldn't have been there in the first place lmao—him growing to care for both Yeseo and Ga-in is one of the most integral parts driving the story too, after all!)

This moment is very emotional, and Ga-in is the emotional anchor keeping them all together. I definitely would NOT say that she is more important than Cédric. They are BOTH EQUALLY very very important to Yeseo, and they both demonstrate their different outward ways of caring for and supporting him 🥹 In this specific situation, however, Ga-in's emotional outspokenness naturally takes the lead and gives Yeseo the more active verbal comfort that he needs. Had she not been there, I fear Cédric would have to deal with an emotionally crumbling Yeseo all alone haha—of course, that isn't to say that Cédric would just stand there and do nothing, but this guy is HELLA internally emotional but without the proper ability to dish out comfort the way Ga-in does. He just keeps it all inward. This situation was hard for all three of them combined, but Ga-in took the reigns and gave the final push.

She's the eldest! Their noona... She has to do her best, smile, and stay strong, because one guy is too soft-hearted, and the other guy is unexpectedly soft-hearted, too, so she must be the strong one and ease the mood. That has always been our Ga-in's specialty 🥹🥲

Ga-in is Yeseo's "Earth" because she's their anchor, the one who grounds them all—"my only rock and hill", as Ga-in once said in reference to own older sister.

Thus, we have Cédric with the unstaggering physical support and strength. Then, Ga-in with her vocal reassurances and emotional support. I have a LOT to say about 805, but anyhow, I think I made my point haha. It a brilliant chapter imo, and really displays the facets of CYC's relationship and dynamics, both inward and outward. Cédric does get his own moments with Yeseo later on too:

Most notably, off the top of my head, that scene in Chapter 917 where Yeseo visits home again with Cédric tagging along, where he presents Cerise to Hyunseo like "Ta-da~ It's our baby" as if they're two newlyweds presenting their daughter to the family for the first time 😭. OH and then in 898, where Cédric snuck into the Jung apartments and clumsily tried offering Yeseo, his family, and EVEN HIS DISTANT FAMILY 😭 all titles and riches and lands just so that Yeseo could permanently become Riester citizens and stay there with him and Ga-in... (Yeseo naturally puts his foot down and refuses lmao, but he appeases Cédric's worries by saying that Riester is still his second home, and that he has no intention of leaving them behind again BUT STILL OMG 😭)

Look. You gotta understand. Ga-in and Yeseo's relationship is so so meaningful and caring and sweet, but Cédric is always on a whole other level. This guy is so crazy about Yeseo, he's just disguising it under a stoic handsome face LMAO...

YEAH OML ANYWAY. NOW FOR THE HOLY PLEDGE/PLATE QUESTION—

For Pledge Concern #1, regarding the time differences between the TWSB world and the "IRL" world, if you continue reading (and I'm assume you might have? already read to that point by now since it's been a while since you sent this Ask wkdjsksk), you'll find that this issue resolves itself haha. I'm glad you took notice of this, however, because it is a concern that Yeseo HIMSELF also shares, even vocally too, back in Chapter 736 during a discussion with Jibril which started with Yeseo expressing relief that Jibril would be a good supporting figure for future-emperor Cédric (to which Jibril slapped back with basically "why would he need me when he's got you?"). Yeseo is so worried about hurting Cédric with the long-distance effects of a Covenant/Holy Pledge, but with time, this thankfully gets resolved 🥲🙌 Even the charas themselves kinda refer to his dimension-hopping being akin to something like "our family' daughter hopping to their new household (the one they married into)" LMAO. Yeseo could also leave Cédric (and perhaps Ga-in, if they go the double Pledge route) with a bunch of holy stones to soothe the soul ache, like what Frédérique and Aurélie have previously done, too.

As for Pledge Concern #2!!! Hahaha, that's a valid concern. I totally understand why you'd think Yeseo might want that, but it's also understandable why he would also choose the other. Yeseo is actually quite recipient to the idea of forming a Holy Pledge with Cédric—or at the very least, officially accepting the man's Covenant proposal and becoming his Religious Companion—but the only thing that held him back was the concern of the universal distances causing him pain. But with that now out of the way, suffice to say, there's now plenty of reason for Yeseo to no longer postpone the proposal. I feel I should also bring back Juliette/Julite Statia, who, historically, has been one of the (if not the only) recorded Priests to have supplied ether to two Holy Knights at once. Ga-in even referenced Julite's circumstances wayyy back in early-TWSB before the Holy See, and now that Yeseo is pretty much the Pope with Paten as his Plate/Vessel, we can assume that a double-Holy Pledge is on the table of possibilities (not to mention Cédric and Christelle's funky little soul bond haha).

As for him supplying ether to others, again, that's very valid. Yeseo is the type that likes to help others when he can. But also, I think he is also capable of trusting their other reliable priest friends, even more so when the war is over. Johann has (his future-daughter-in-law~) Eva and even our dear Priest Sand; Cornelisse has Isle; and Lynn and Cerise are young kids who would probably find their own intimate connections with priest companions of their own, once they grow up, too. After all, they can't rely on Mama Yeseo forever hehe (but the image is very sweet and tempting... maybe Yeseo will hold off the Holy Pledge just to nurse baby Cerise and little Lynn for a bit longer xDDD). But anyhow, it makes more sense for them to eventually find their own Religious Partners later (especially for Cerise Riester, who is actual Imperial Royalty).

As for your Pledge/Plate Concern #3, I remember I answered a similar thing on discord, so I'll just largely reiterate my response for there unto here haha:

The Plate-sharing between Yeseo and Losna is said to be one-way, as Yeseo's original plate was given to Losna upon his resuscitation, while the Paten in turn became Yeseo's. So while it's true that Yeseo's emotions and memories have been transferred to Losna, Yeseo doesn't get anything from Losna—so in terms of a Covenant, Cédric would probably be fusing his plate with YESEO'S PATEN, instead of his original Plate (which is now within Losna). So the ether sharing would be respectively between Cédric and Yeseo's Plates/Paten, and their souls would be connected from that point.

We can also naturally assume that Losna would still be able to feel Yeseo's emotions since he's the owner of Yeseo's Plate, but whether or not he could feel Cédric's is more ambiguous, but here is what I take from the affair:

1.) Losna owning Yeseo's Plate = Feeling Yeseo's emotions and having his memories.

2.) Cédric forming a Covenant with Yeseo's Paten Plate = Merging ether reservoirs and souls, thus knowing how the other feels (and to an extent, how they think).

—SO, WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

Losna, who has Yeseo's Plate but not the PATEN plate, would still feel Yeseo. It's one-sided on Losna➡️Yeseo's part, and so perhaps Losna's indirect link to Cédric (who would be linked to Yeseo) would ALSO be onesided. He could feel what YESEO feels, but not what Cédric feels.

And re:Twins and Plate sharing—while Yeseo was fine with it, Cédric didn't like the sound/implications of selling the story as "Losna and Yeseo share a Plate" LMAO, so in the end, what happens is that the Frédérique ordered the Palace (or rather Bérénice haha) to basically fabricate a whole mythos surrounding Yeseo and Losna's origins as "twins" to sell to the public. One who was born with divinity, one born with mortality. There's a LOT to say about TWSB's use of religion and (fictional) religious propaganda throughout the series, but I won't get into much detail there haha. But just know that I think about it a lot, and again, I love love love how much politics and religion play a part in TWSB. It makes the world of kingdoms, empires, aristocracy and the everyman feel very real.

But anyhow, I don't believe Yeseo forming a Holy Pledge with anyone will cause any issues with Losna, too.

THOUGH!!! On Munpia, Sookym has finally released information on the Side Stories (WHICH IS COMING OUT THIS JANUARY‼️‼️‼️🥹🥹🥳), so perhaps we'll see a glimpse into the aftermath and how Religious Companionship is faring for Yeseo and friends!! I'll personally be totally fine with the story as is ending the way it did and with a lot up for natural interpretation because there are also a lot of other storylines and characters to explore even more in depth to hehe. But I'll probably be happy with whatever Sookym cooks 🥹 Maybe we can even hope for more modern setting shenanigans... who knows!!!

Anyhow, yeah!!! I hope this helped answer any questions or concerns!! Sorry for the late response haha, the questions that take longer answers generally require more energy on my part (both to gather my thoughts, to do some re-reading and research to avoid accidentally spreading misinfo 😭, as well as just writing out everything WKWKKWKW)

Again, I'm assuming you probably(?) finished reading TWSB till the end already, and I hope you enjoyed/are enjoying the rest of their journey!!! I hope you (and whomever might be reading this haha) tunes in for whenever the Side Stories come out in January!!!! 🙌🙌

[melverie]

I wonder if the reason we didn't get to see Satan succumbing to his sin is not because he "already made peace with it and can now control it" back in season 1 or whatever, but rather because he's masking it already

In the og game we see how quickly Satan shifts to directing his anger inward once his outward wrath starts to calm down (isolating himself, insisting that nothing good could ever come from being with him, seemingly not even eating for extended periods of time, just generally trash-talking himself), and maybe that's exactly what is going on with him in NB right now. The outbursts might have stopped, but we've already seen a tiny glimps of the state Satan's mind is—dark, freezing and stormy. Perfectly in line with what we've seen of him in both, the og game and Nightbringer

Satan's usual pattern whenever he gives into his sin is actually exactly what seems to be going on with No. 4. He used to lash out all the time, then he seemingly calmed down and stopped, then retreating to a safe space and reading book after book to avoid everyone else

So that's probably what his arc will focus on—his anger directed at himself and how it affects his mind rather than Satan being completely blinded by his wrath

[unsolicitedadvicecatlady]

When we're stuck in a cycle...

When we're stuck in a cycle, going around and around like a second hand on a clock, we have an opportunity to pause and observe ourselves and ask some questions.

These twelve points are like the twelve hours on a watch face. Each one leads to the next one, and though we cannot turn back the hands of time, we can look back at the previous point and see where we've just come from.

At any of these points we can project forward to determine what will happen next, or backward to see what trajectory we've been on; we can pause, reflect and redirect our course.

Mindset: defense or growth?

Perception: filtered or receptive?

Belief: rigid or flexible?

Desire: forced or flowing?

Thought: closed or open?

Sensation: overwhelmed or understood?

Expression: reactive or responsive?

Action: destructive or constructive?

Pattern: hindering or helpful?

Traits: admonished or admired?

Character: undesired or developed?

Experience: negative or positive?

From the first point, mindset, just like any cell or organism, we can only be in one of two states: defense or growth; that will determine whether our perception is filtered with bias or receptive to new information; which in turn will determine our beliefs about ourselves and others and the world: whether those beliefs are rigid or flexible; which then determines our desires or expectations of how things ought to be: either forcing our way forward or going with the flow; that will affect our thoughts, which are nothing more than opinions: they are either closed off or we are open minded; our thoughts impact our sensations, the way we feel: either overwhelmed by our feelings or understanding of them; we often express our feelings in the form of emotions: either reactively or responsively; the way we emote gives fuel to our actions: destructive or constructive; those actions become habits or patterns: either hindering or helping; patterns become traits, what we call "personality," or the way that we are described by others: admonished or admired; the way we are received by others affects the way we view ourselves, or our character: it's either undesirable to us or developed by us; and our character determines our experience of outcomes: whether they are negative or positive.

So, our experience is shaped by our character, which is molded by our personality, which is determined by our behavioral patterns, that are just a collection of the actions we tend to take, which are predicated by our emotions, which are merely outward expressions of our inward sensations, which are created by our thoughts or opinions, which are influenced by our desires or expectations of how the world must be, which are made of beliefs, which are a direct result of our perceptions, which are only made possible by the state of mind we are in.

The system is perfectly designed to produce the achieved outcome.

Defensiveness → filtered perception → rigid beliefs → forced desires → closed-off thoughts → overwhelming sensations → reactive emotions → destructive actions → hindering patterns → admonished traits → undesirable character → negative experience.

Growth mindset → receptive perception → flexible beliefs → flowing desires → open thoughts → understood sensations → responsive emotions → constructive actions → helpful patterns → admirable traits → developed character → positive experience.

This cycle as a whole makes up our identity, the autobiographical narrative we tell ourselves.

We are going to go forward; it is completely up to us to decide how we are going to go from whatever point we are on right now.

[longing-for-rain]

Hi I'm curious what would you define as "postmodernism" and "degenerates". just curious

Postmodernism:

This is a political ideology characterized by the idea that everything is subjective, everything is a social construct, all knowledge is created by humans so therefore there is no real concept of truth. In general, I have a very negative opinion of this ideology because it has a tendency to isolate people both from each other and from themselves. It obfuscates and deconstructs everything to the point where vaguely defined ideas (that can’t really even be defined, because under postmodernism, everything is subjective) take precedence over material reality.

I know that’s a lot to chew on, but I’ll illustrate why I dislike this line of thinking through a few examples.

You’ve probably heard people say things like “race is a social construct” and similar; this is postmodernist thinking. And while that’s technically true in the sense that how we define race is somewhat subjective based on visible traits rather than actual genetic difference (did you know that there is so much genetic diversity in the continent of Africa that two Africans from tribes who historically lived within miles of each other can be more genetically different than an African and a European?), dismissing the concept of race is dangerous because it also dismisses racism. Sure, maybe the way we classify race is flawed. But that doesn’t change the fact that very real and very dangerous oppression based on race has and still is occurring worldwide. The same is true for oppression based on sex, ability, sexual orientation, etc. We have to acknowledge material reality to address these forms of oppression, and postmodernism won’t do this because it’s too fixated on trying to prove that the concepts of race/sex/sexuality/ability/etc. aren’t real.

Another example is the concept of moral relativism. Since postmodernists believe everything is subjective, they don’t believe in universal moral standards. Which is dangerous—because this is how you get people defending things like incest, rape, and pedophilia. They will often argue that not every culture has the same standards (nevermind that in regions where such things are still legal, feminists are advocating against them just like they did/are in the west) and therefore it isn’t immoral to rape, legalize child marriage, etc.

Postmodernists also tend to be extremely individualistic. Everything is about them and what makes them feel good—who cares about how their actions affect anyone else. They focus their energy inward and are obsessed with personal identity to the point of micro-analyzing everything about themselves, rather than focusing energy outward and connecting with other people and the world around them.

In general, it strikes me as a very narcissistic mindset that is fundamentally detached from reality and real world struggles. I think it’s so prevalent on the internet especially because it’s appealing to people who want to live in a fantasy rather than engage with the world in a meaningful way, and recognize that their actions have consequences both to themselves and the people around them.

Degeneracy:

I feel like the way I use this word is different from how many other people do, but it me, it represents the ultimate mindset of hedonism and selfishness. In my mind, a degenerate is a person who prioritizes their own pleasure above all else, even the suffering of real people. Nero fiddled while Rome burned, basically.

I would call a person who abandons their family in a time of crisis to go on vacation a degenerate. I would call a parent who takes money that was supposed to be for their kids’ college fund and gambles it away a degenerate. I do consider porn use degeneracy, because it’s common knowledge at this point that the industry is fueled by rape and human trafficking and there is no way to guarantee the content you’re consuming isn’t that—you simply don’t care, because a few minutes of pleasure is more important than widespread abuse and suffering (especially given the violent nature of most internet porn, you’re literally deriving pleasure from the pain and suffering of a real human being). And on the flip side, I also consider conservative trad men degenerates—because they’re perfectly fine with treating another human being as a slave if it means creating this archaic fantasy life they have in their heads.

[zomvom]

Zom’s ososan headcanons! :3

Just kinda stream of consciousness style, any may be subject to change, feel free to talk to me about your own hcs! :3c

This is a repost of my twt thread, I’ll list what I have down already, any new hcs or changes to previous ones I’ll just put in reblogs

These are all my personal headcanons! I kin ichimatsu so many of hcs for him are based off myself! This is just for fun but if you don’t agree with or like them that’s perfectly fine! Feel free to block or ignore me!

———

First things first I hc all 6 of the matsus as autistic and trans in some kind of way!

I think oso, kara, choro, ichi, and jyushi are all transmasc and todo is transfem! Transfem choro is also cute tho

Either way tho, none of them are neurotypical or cis!

Oso: He/Him trans man. Is currently on T. Prefers a binder over transtape cuz it’s less work but only wears it like half the time cuz he’ll often forget to put it on when getting dressed and it’s too much work to take his shirt off, put on his binder n put his shirt back on lol also he’s bi with a preference for women!

Kara: He/They trans man. Pansexual. Currently on T. Has gotten top surgery! Wants to get cool tattoos over his scars but is a wuss lol he also still gets a lil nervous bout shot day after all this time but puts on a brave face

Choro: He/She transmasc bigender. Omnisexual. Low dose T. Doesn’t bind all the time but prefers transtape over a binder when she does cuz it’s not as hot since he’s often wearing an undershirt anyway

Ichi: He/Him transmasc agender. Gay oriented aroace. Has gotten top surgery! Was on T for a good while but stopped for various reasons. Also prob has some kinda cat themed neopronouns just for funsies haha

Jyushi: He/Him trans man. Is on T. Who needs to bind or get top surgery when you can just hella work out? lol I don’t think he cares about labels but he’s def some kind of multisexual, maybe bi? Maybe pan?

Todo: She/Her and Fae/Faer trans woman. Is on estrogen. Bi with a preference for women

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Eyesight from worst to best!

Choro: very nearsighted! usually wears contacts nowadays but will occasionally wear his square/rectangle glasses to give her eyes a break. Still has his old round glasses from hs as back up tho

Kara: his vision isn’t as bad as choromatsus but it’s still not great! Farsighted. He refuses to wear normal glasses cuz he thinks it’ll make him look lame so his sunglasses are prescription instead, nobody knows that tho! Also has some form of strabismus, one of his eyes tend to move slightly inward.

Oso and Ichi: they’re both nearsighted and are at about the same level of vision. Neither of them are nearly as bad as choro and kara tho! Still, they would probably both benefit from glasses but choose to just live their lives a bit blurry lol Also ichi has visual snow! And while ichi is aware his vision isn’t the best, oso is oblivious and thinks it’s completely normal

Jyushi: also has strabismus! His is more noticeable and tends to move outward! but aside from that his vision is actually relatively good!

Todo: is the only one with 20/20 vision lol I feel like she would sometimes wear glasses just for fashion and choro hates it haha

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Ichi has chronic fatigue, chronic pain, and pnes! (Psychogenic Non Epileptic Seizures)

I’m not sure if I want him to have exactly what I have in regards to his chronic pain condition, which for me is fibromyalgia, but I’ll prob end up going in that direction anyway since I project onto him so much anyway ya know?

His conditions affect p much his whole life as is the thing with being disabled haha but in particular it affects his sleep. He’s usually a p light sleeper and has a hard time falling and staying asleep unless he’s feeling completely exhausted from either his pain, or the aftermath of a seizure or whatever else, in which case he’ll knock the fuck out, and will sometimes sleep for so long and deeply he’ll scare his family into thinking his dead haha

His condition also often affects his ability to walk, so when he’s struggling he will use a cane

Unlike me tho, he doesn’t need it like all day everyday, only sometimes

Choro also uses a cane sometimes! He has a bad knee and poor balance which causes her to trip and fall a lot! His cane is his same color of green and while he does prefer the clean and sleek look, she does have a couple of little idol charms on the handle!

Ichi’s cane is either black or purple and is covered in various cat themed stickers with a couple lil things attached to the handle that he will use to play with neighborhood kitties!

Oso and jyushi will sometimes steal choro and ichis canes when not in use and sword fight with them lol

I can imagine when either ichi or choro first got their canes, oso in particular would playfully tease them and would use their cane to pretend to be an old man. The other matsus would also join in on the heckling such as todo calling either choro or ichi old men haha

Kinda going back,, when ichi had his first seizure, the others definitely freaked the fuck out. I imagine some of them prob would still panic when it happens at times but not as much. When it happens while they’re all trying to sleep, Kara will quietly help ichi n look over him till it stops, making sure he’s on his side n all that. I also imagine Kara would the most consistently remind ichi to breathe during a seizure and since ichi doesn’t like to make a big deal out of his seizures, Kara wouldn’t mention it to the others unless ichi brought it up first. (Ichi is thankful but doesn’t really verbally thank him often). Same goes for most of the other matsus if they’re alone with ichi during a seizure except for maybe jyushi who would blurt it out and sometimes oso unless explicitly told not to mention it. And prob right after the first seizure, todo researched what to do during a seizure and taught the others what to do so everyone was better prepared for next time.

Going back to ichis chronic fatigue/ poor sleep,

He either sleeps like 2 hours or 15, no in between lol

Oso doesn’t have chronic fatigue but he is really bad at maintaining a consistent sleep schedule so he and ichi (and sometimes the others) will often hang out and go on late night adventures, resulting in them both sleeping in way too late n getting scolded by either choro or matsuyo

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More general sleep based stuff:

Ichi is a side sleeper n likes to be super curled up, he is shrimply kitty, he cannot change this. Kara is a back sleeper mostly, cant stand being too warm and prefers cooler or thinner blankets. Todo flip flops between back and side, is a pretty quiet, peaceful sleeper. Oso is kinda all over the place, flip flops between back, side, and belly a lot and likes to either be spread out or cuddling smth. Choro also flip flops between back and side, doesn’t take up a lot of space. Jyushi is a back sleeper and always very spread out

I can see them all snoring at least a lil bit except for maybe choro. I think it’d be cute if todo had like a baby snore and ichi had that classic cat snore. I can def see oso being loud tho

Poor choro being sandwiched between the two that take up the most space, move the most, and prob the loudest lol

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Jyushi is usually very intense when he stims, lots of physical/moving stims! Definitely hand flapping, rocking, sometimes spinning, etc. I think he does his bat swinging, and mimicking of baseball terms n such as special interest centric stims. Plus his “HUSTLE HUSTLE MUSCLE MUSCLE!”

I think he also really likes deep pressure! Likes to be wrapped up n buried with blankets, and clothes n such (+ the warmth is nice since he doesn’t have great temperature regulation)

He would love a weighted blanket haha, and I think, while he’s not really a huge hugger most the time, he would sometimes ask for tight hugs from his family, or just have them like lean or straight up just lay on top of him haha

Also likes to chew! Seeing as how he’s often chewing on his brothers heads lol he would prefer a really hard/tough toy to chew on. Any thing softer, he chews straight through em

Kara loves anything shiny/sparkly and colorful! He also likes the texture sparkly things/ things with sequins often have,

I also think he would like space and ocean themed things cuz blue and pretty haha

I think he would have jewelry he would play with like rings or necklaces, such as running his fingers along his necklace chains or maybe a spinner ring or something small with intricate details/ rougher textures he could stim with

I imagine something metal/ silver maybe in the shape of a skull! Not sure what tho.. maybe a keychain? A necklace? Just something he keeps in his pocket?

Choro loves like cool lights/glowy stuff esp if it’s related to his special interest(s) ie idols! I think she also really likes clicky noises like a keyboard or switches! I think he would def carry around at least one fidget to help with anxiety but I feel like she would maybe be torn between his toys being colorful/related to her interests or being like subtle and “adult” looking ya know? I also think he’d get kinda self conscious about doing raptor arms or just feel like “what do I do with my hands” n developed a habit of putting her hands on his hips instead haha, I also think choro has a picking habit and uses picky pads to try to avoid picking at his skin and while it’s not as bad, Kara also still feels the urge to pick sometimes from when he had bad acne so choro turned him on to picky pads n she will use the beads to make kandi! But also sometimes she’ll get so caught up in just wanting to pick out and organize all the beads, hell get too focused on a pad and won’t have one for when she actually has the urge to skin pick. Also choro would love a busy board with all the flashing lights n clicky switches haha

Todo is a big visual stimmer! A bit too self conscious most the time to more openly stim in front of most ppl so she watches a lot of like stim boards and “satisfying” videos on her phone and maybe like very specific asmr videos. Her physical stims are a bit more “subtle” like very light rocking, kicking her feet, tapping her foot, using her face roller, playing with her hair, etc. I think she also chews but she doesn’t think it’s cute enough so she tries not to do it and will kinda gently chew on the inside of her lip or tongue or use gum or smth. Definitely prefers much softer chews than jyushi! Also think she likes to do the pop sound with her mouth sometimes

Ichi loves soft fuzzy textures and likes to pet and rub them whether it’s a cat or an inanimate object! He also really likes somewhat squishy things, think like paw pads, that he can squish in his hands! If it’s something bigger like a soft blanket or pillow or smth he likes to kinda knead it. He also likes pain seeking stims esp when hes having sh thoughts and will use things that are sharp and pokey but can’t do any actual harm like acupuncture rings or smth n he will keep like a mini squishy or acupuncture ring in his hoodie pocket to mess with. He also likes bubble wrap n pop fidgets! He likes the sound and the feel of em. I also think he has a bit of a picking issue too and will steal Kara’s like half done picky pads and then leave the beads for choro in places he knows he will find them like a cat leaving “presents” haha, sometimes choro will literally wake up with a lil baggie of beads on her and he’s very confused by it, she has no idea where these lil baggies keep coming from lol. I also think ichi uses his finger as like a worry stone of sorts and will rub his thumb on the side of his finger between the knuckles sometimes just cuz, sometimes to calm himself! Also purring! He likes to purr! He’s so kitty brained haha

Also also he likes to mess with lil bits a trash like paper clips, straw wrappers, bread ties, etc. with like straw wrappers he’ll turn them into like lil stick figures n stuff

Oso doesn’t really notice for himself when he stims! At least when it comes to his physical stims. His lil nose rub thing for example! N Unless hes like actively doing something, if he’s still for like 5 seconds, he’ll just start swaying or rocking back n forth whether he’s sitting or standing. He also likes to be upside down sometimes, just doing that weird upside down sit he does n will like sit on the couch upside down. Also he finds anything that goes really fast or spinny or like colorful flashing lights really captivating, reminds him of pachinko n the races haha

I think when has the urge to like fidget he will steal his siblings stuff instead of just getting his own. I can see todo or somebody buying one of those pop it games n oso stealing it n playing it way more than whoever bought it in the first place haha ichi would also use it sometimes but would prefer the sound effects off

Also I think oso is a big vocal stimmer! Lots of weird lil noises, mimicking of words/phrases, humming, etc. when somebody points it out or asks him to stop he likes to fuck with them n act dumb like “huh? What? What noise? I didn’t say anything. Are you hearing things? ……………… *does it again*” lol I also think when todo does her lil pop sound oso will do it back and things like that will sometimes spread to the others and even matsuyo and matsuzo occasionally n then they’re all just mimicking the same thing, flock of seagulls from Nemo typa behavior lol. Oso also sometimes mimics peoples hand gestures n body posture while they’re talking, sometimes on purpose, sometimes he doesn’t even realize till they point it out, either way it annoys the fuck outta ppl n he finds that funny haha. Oh I forgot but oso also has an oral fixation but uses food instead of toys or gum, bro is snackin all the time haha

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Couple quick lil ichi hcs: ichi wasn’t really a fan of bugs for a long time (didn’t hate them but was still grossed out by them) but then he started noticing how cute and cat like some can be and now he’s a big bug lover! Moths and spiders are his favs! Cuz “fluffy” and cute mostly lol and when I say spiders I’m mostly thinking jumping spiders but I think he’d also like bigger and “scarier” spiders too) also also! 2nd quick ichi hc! He’s very light on his feet and will often scare ppl (usually by accident) by just kinda appearing by them and his family gets mad at him for “sneaking up on them” and will yell at him to wear a bell in like a half joking way but then eventually ichi does start actually wearing a lil bell (maybe a bracelet?) either of his own volition or bc his siblings made him lol Either way, it doesn’t bother him much to wear it cuz it makes him more kitty like and if he wants to be quiet he could just take it off lol