#audhd student

[the-0ther-mother]

‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧‎‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧intro post‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧

‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧

🪐 Ana (they/she)

🪐 19

🪐 third year Economics student

🪐 ADHD/ASD (self-diagnosed cuz who has money for that)

🪐 Capricorn rising, aries sun (+ stellium) and aquarius moon (+ stellium)

🪐 intp

🪐 I speak english, georgian and russian and I'm currently learning Italian

‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧

‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧

I made this blog cuz I'm really struggling with uni and i need something to keep me motivated. My goal is to bring up my gpa and to start actually understanding and learning the course materials instead of just barely getting by. I've been experiencing a neurodivergent burnout for two years now and this blog is to help me minimize the negative results of it.

‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧

I follow back from @belpheg0r-luna

‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧

If anyone wants to be mutuals here's my letterboxd, serializd, storygraph and spotify <3

‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧

[anxietyfrappuccino]

it took me 47 hours 5 minutes and 33 seconds to complete a written 6 question introduction to me quiz for my current class, this is my normal, they'll tell me to do better, but my better is the fact that i got it done at all

[heightjoke]

it's so crazy to me that I explained myself to having no motivation to do art as an artist and not knowing how to navigate that being ADHD and Autistic.

then some people (irl) ask a load of questions implying that I am inherently wrong for not having that, "all artists must have passion or how can they be artists?"

so I clarify passionately about my disabilities because it's my current special interest, then people tell me I am "clearly very angry" about it and should drop the topic if it makes me "that mad".

and then I clarify - oh no I'm just very passionate about being clear and understandable and my disabilities being understood properly- and then they keep insisting I'm clearly upset and frustrated

SO NATURALLY I GET FRUSTRATED AND UPSET BECAUSE YOU ARE SEEMINGLY DELIBERATELY NOT LISTENING TO ME

and then I get "see! I knew you were upset."

my motivation to do art is no driving force, it is an extension of my body, like an additional limb. it comes naturally to me because being human is (mostly) natural to me. it's not a passion, but a fact of life for me. I do not need passion, motivation, or a drive to do my art simply because I will do it regardless, as a human.

I couldn't find the words at the time to understand that. Those were the words I was searching for, and needed time to verbally and mentally process over months.

people often get fed up with me being a very repetitive person (despite this being a literal characteristic of autism) and having to verbally process my situations because, bluntly, it takes a very long time for me to mentally understand what happens in my discussions and actions every single day. This has led me to be labelled an "overthinker" ever since I was little.

In reality, I wanted more than anything to fit in, blend in, and understand what tf is happening. THAT is where my frustration lies. So when I FINALLY understand something and I am able to explain it, and people tell me I probably overthought it, or I am just flat out wrong is (to me) a denial of my reality.

People were right, I didn't need an explanation to be an artist. But what I needed to unlock the words to help me understand my practice as an artist was a gentle, curiosity focused discussion.

I regret attempting to do that with friends and not my parents or a mentor.

[loveisloveisacomplicatedgirl]

my hero academia on netflix will be the death of my college degree

[anxietyfrappuccino]

calling me out the second to last week of the semester 😭😅😂

writers and artists will go "this isn't good enough." my brother in christ, you're creating something new out of nothing and expressing yourself creatively. your productivity and unrealistic standards of perfection do not define you or the worth of your art. you're doing great.

[curlyhairedintrovertsworld]

i am dying from anticipation (and also procrastination) and need the album now

[floq]

they are both addicted to caffeine, but in different ways

[ID in alt text]

[eyecandyandbraincandy-blog]

For those of you newly discovering aspects of yourself like your sexuality, neurodivergence, and things like that, worrying that you're "making it your whole personality", I have a theory and hopefully some words of comfort.

There's something that happens for psychology students/therapists where learning about a new lens to see the world makes you see it everywhere.

A Freudian learns about Freud and sees nothing but repression and facades and misplaced sexual aggression. A choice theorist sees people making choices based on pay offs and short term gains, rational and deliberate choices they're unaware of. A humanist sees people in constant flow of Becoming a Person and accepts what they see.

Being trans, being gay, being autistic, these are experiences that are sweeping, encompassing all parts of ourselves. Since you don't initially have anything to compare it to, you see it as something normal that everyone experiences. And they might, but maybe not to the same degree you do. So me, for example, I didn't realize the level of social difficulty I've felt my whole life isn't shared by others. Whether that's because their relationships are smoother or the disconnects aren't as distressing for them. I could obviously see how people have relationship struggles and always have, but their level of turmoil compared to mine is what I didn't see.

That spurned the discovery of being autistic, and learning this fundamental thing has made me look back and see it everywhere. Because I'm having to essentially reprocess and recontextualize everything about myself and go "Oh fuck, so I really do have sensory overload when it comes to pain. I wasn't just a whimp, and those motherfuckers didn't take me seriously!"

So, like….yeah, of course it's your entire identity right now because you're still putting the pieces together, it's what's on your mind. You see it everywhere because you're rebuilding and making new meanings. It will eventually settle down and be just another part of you. A beautiful and significant part of you, I might add.

Make it your whole identity for right now, it's okay.

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Big celebratory shoutout to disabled/mentally/chronically ill school dropouts. You’re brilliant. You’re a hero. Don’t be ashamed. In fact, be proud. Be proud that you were…

…perceptive enough to see the situation for what it was…

…smart enough to know what you needed to do…

…strong enough to defy expectations…

…brave enough to forage your own path…

…and don’t let anyone convince you that their degree makes them smarter than you. or better than you. or more successful than you. or harder working than you. or more deserving than you. All it means is that they had better support systems. better resources. adequate accommodations. All it means is that you both had goals and plans and dreams, but the world let you down while it was seeing them though. All it means is that our society is deeply lacking both systemic and systematic equitability. And that is something to be angry or upset about, absolutely, but not ashamed of.

[speromelior]

Recently I have been reading into Biopower and Biopolitics which finds its origins in Foucault. Agamben's "Homo Sacer" has been extremely interesting, especially because I wish to do some more research in Disability Studies. I am looking forward to reading Lennard J Davis.

[ineedfairypee]

Gagging for normal life to resume but dreading it at the same time

[the-0ther-mother]

27/100 days of productivity

Thursday, 31 October, 2024

Back from another big drop in my productivity. I'm having a tough time in my personal life with health issues in the family and a depressive week before that. But i have to learn and study for my midterms. I can't have another problem to deal with so I'm dealing with this.

🪐 went to the calculus seminar (and took down notes)

Finally checked my midterm dates and honestly it's much better than i was fearing it'd be. I have the micro exam on 18th and the calculus exam on 21th.

🪐 read through the slides of ch.1.5 of calculus

🪐 finished my notes for ch.1.4 of calculus

🪐 finished my notes for ch.1.5 of calculus

🪐 finished the exercises for ch.1.4 of calculus

I got to the library after my seminal all pumped and ready to catch up on my calc homework but then i got my period and all that energy literally stood up and left the room without a word. Rude, honesty. I managed to do a lot less than i wanted to do today but it was still a good amount. I truly was running on an almost empty tank so it is what it is.

🪐 did my Italian lesson on Duolingo

I need more sleep. I'm gonna go try and sleep.

I'd hug all the weariness out of you if i could.

Arrivederci <3

[anxietyfrappuccino]

i motivated myself this entire night by singing expresso and calling myself barbie

[i-used-to-be-a-spy]

The all As student in school & college to burn out at work AuDHD pipeline is so real

[howlingmutts]

Audhd issues

Im currently at my wits end, I can't reasonably understand why I keep failing at life/school

I choose classes i'd enjoy BUT I cant get myself to go to them

I try to study BUT can retain the knowledge

I want to get better but don't know how to really

What do I do? Im starting counseling soon but why cant I be better like in HS?? my gpa was 3.5 then and now its 1.9 like what is going on with me

[greenmoons]

Being Autistic in college

I thought I'm in a better place with my autism. Don't get me wrong, I love being autistic. But I thought I matured enough to blend in at the neurotypical world.

It's annoying me how it's still hard for me to do assignments in teams. I thought it won't bother me anymore to share my grade or working as a team, but I'm doing everything and taking control over the situation.

People say I'm tactless but I'm really trying not to be. I'm only being honest, why saying one of the students ditched from the whole semester is rude and tactless? It's a fact and everyone knows it all I did was to say it out loud.

I thought my dichotomous thinking won't stand out. But arguing about what the definition of ditching is? Not missing even one lesson even though it's the only lesson I have that day? Arguing why others don't take their studies seriously if they chose to go and study?

Not understanding why they try to convince me I need a boyfriend or how to blend in a conversation about actually everything, because I tried so hard to have general knowledge on every subject so if I have a chance I always could participate in a conversation.

Always get criticism on my voice tone. Yes, I have an autistic accent people feel it and always say I'm talking to loudly, I can't control it I failed in speech therapy, I'm not yelling on purpose.

Trying so hard to handle my anxieties so if one student wants to go up in an elevator I would do it with her even if I never using elevators because I'm afraid to get stuck in them. Of course, the only time I'm agreeing to be in an elevator I got stuck inside and having a panic attack. What a karma.

Being overwhelmed and almost having a panic attack so I'm putting my headphones up but then I'm not respecting my professor even though I told him why I need to do it.

Why when I'm doing something it's because I'm autistic and it's not fit to the world? Someone else could be with headphones all the time and no one will say anything to him about it. Students can sleep on their table at the lessons but if I would dare to lower my hand to the table to calm myself I'm unrespectful and not acting suitable enough??

I'm learning special education. I decided I don't want to do masking; I want to be myself; I want to be proud being autistic. I want to be autistic because I'm learning with students who will go be teachers for neurodivergence kids, I'm learning with professors who suppose to give us tools to work with diversities, so everyone should get used to it. I'm working so hard to fit myself to the world, why can't the world do only a bit to fit to myself?