#Calorie Screams

[soapdispensersalesman]

[lastoneout]

Needless to say, looking up recipes to help with my autoimmune issues is going FANTASTIC and totally NOT making me want to commit arson

[aliendietcoke]

TW: purg1ng

why does nobody talk about how scary purging is. firstly, it’s so difficult to start off with - for the longest time i a was a convinced i just couldn’t purge. But then when i get started it’s borderline traumatic. sometimes i feel like i can’t breathe, sometimes big chunks come out so slowly and i need to push so hard all the blood rushes to my head, but sometimes it comes out way too fast. does anyone else feel like this? i hate this illness and I’d decide to recover again but i’ve made too little progress and it would just be embarrassing

[corpusdiem-seizethedead]

Husk: I need to burn calories

Angel: Y’know, kissing burns calories…

Husk: So does mercilessly beating the living shit out of people I hate.

[wetslug]

cycle of i buy produce -> i eat produce -> i go back to store -> everytime i go back price is now 5% higher

[puddingseikkx]

we just finished Day 9 it was really bad today i did not get over my limit thankfully but i am really sick rn, after i ate i just didnt feel well and the pain only got worse from there then i took some medicine and my body rejected it and i threw that up within 5 minutes and after about 20 minutes i went to use the restroom and threw up probably everything i ate that day and rn ive just been trying to keep everything down and its so fxcking hot rn which isnt helping me i think i caught the same stomach bug as my nephew cause he threw up all over me a while ago and my brother caught it from him too just a few days ago and now i got it but i realized my heart rate isnt always super normal this has only been documented twice cause i cant check my hr i dont have a fancy watch but my heart rate has dropped EXTREMELY low at my physical exam last month they documented my resting hr at 47BPM and rn something doesnt feel right i finally had to guts to stomach some water so i took some medicine to help that and if it doesnt ima decide if i wanna go to the ER in the morning (its like 1am rn) and i do i wanna prepare my own food cause they probably gonaa make me eat and so ik im not going over on calories ima pack my own light foods i usually prioritize protein intake but im not doing that the next few days because i just wanna focus on being well hopefully i dont need to go to the hospital and itll pass in a few days. was just giving an update

[a1m05t-en0ugh]

my GOD. i just need a break from my life. i literally cannot do this anymore. pls just give me a break. but, like, forever. pls, there is nothing else’s i want

[eatsless]

i'm literally getting 20k+ steps a day and not losing weight!! i'm going to riot i stg

[localgardenweed]

I love reading nutrition labels cause wow im eating 1g of dietary fiber in these scooby snacks!!!! 8g of total sugars??? Sign me UP!!! 21g of carbs? PERFECT

[justadevilllll]

Trying to indulge myself in my favourite hobby, dancing but then realised I'm way too fat for that too

[teeny-tiny-witchy]

Girl who's so tiny that even fairies are massive compared to her. Trapped between the toes of a girl who's only 4 inches tall. Just so you know.

[soapdispensersalesman]

The man, Michael Smith, 52, was accused in a federal indictment unsealed on Wednesday of stealing royalty payments from digital streaming platforms for seven years. Mr. Smith, a flesh-and-blood musician, produced A.I.-generated music and played it billions of times using bots he had programmed, according to the indictment.

[delicateimage]

Hey girlies update time… I’ve been sent to a clinic for my weight and it’s been really stressful and my life is kinda falling apart lol there’s defiantly good aspects to it but ughhh I’m like :( bc my diets had to change so much and I feel so unproductive now and I’m really scared about gaining weight but they’d said I’d like die or whatever if I didn’t which um. I genuinely feel so disgusting heavy and sick and disgusting and DISGUSTIGN eww and my disordered eating brain is coming back in full force after silently controlling me for like nearly years at this point and it’s all so much. the hardest thing about this is that I don’t want to gain weight at all and particularly I don’t really even care to live anymore. I’m scared everyday I’ll fall deeper and deeper back into disordered eating I’ll get lonelier and lonelier I’ll get fatter and fatter I’ll lose everything I’ve ever built for myself… ugh this is a mess but ong.

[echthr0s]

What got me thinking about this was that I was reading this substack post and this woman is talking about experiences that put her completely out of her element -- not just a little bit, but like. completely -- and how that is ultimately necessary for her, and so on. She's talking about habituation, which I'm learning is a natural process for the average human person. She's talking about how anxiety can be a byproduct of the modern urban capitalist world, and stepping out into more "earthy" ways of living awakens different parts of the brain, parts that are older and know better, and anxiety has no room to flourish. There is no room for worrying when you have to deal with no running water and biting insects and so on and so forth (she was writing about a jungle experience).

And of course my delicate ass was like, "wow, this is… immensely unrelatable", lol. The thing is, we have learned that we just do not habituate. To some small things, sure -- if I move my bed to a different corner, I eventually will get used to it. But there is nothing innately distressing to me, to our nervous system, about putting a bed in a different location. We cannot habituate to, say, the fact that our upstairs neighbour has his loud ass children over every weekend. We've lived here for 2 and a half years and that is still a source of stress for us. The exact same way it was in the beginning is the way it is now. We cannot habituate to a chronically messy house; we have learned to manage our feelings because we understand why it happens, we know it is largely out of our control, and the other party is doing their best, but we are not used to it. It is still stress. It will always be stress. It will always prevent us from feeling truly relaxed and comfortable in our home (our own room excepted, of course, heh). All our constitution points went into making the organs and skin and bones of this body strong and resilient, to make up for the fact that its central nervous system is made out of tissue paper.

We are not adaptable, is what this means. The fact that Ayin believed it must be is because of Grey, who had the fascinating ability to just disconnect from the nervous system altogether and impose his own values upon the body. The stuff this body could do and deal with while it was under Grey's control is genuinely incredible to me. But it was necessary. We would not have survived otherwise. If the body could have felt its distress, its disgust, its pain, the overwhelming stress of every single day, it would have fallen the fuck apart. But this also means we have a lot of outdated paradigms about ourself -- like that we can adapt to anything, that we are able to just power through anything. We absolutely fucking cannot! We are sensitive beyond measure and now that we know that, now that that truth lives in us daily, we cannot go back to how it was when Grey was here. We will never be that tough, that aggressive, that adaptable, that callous, that survivalist, ever again. We will need sheltering and protecting and patience and care for the rest of our life. Which can be a dangerous way to be, in a world like this. We know. We know. We persist in this truth, regardless.

[synonym-bonadea]

tw binge eating; purging; counting calories

Wednesday, 25th Sept.

a horrible day. I could hold myself back on eating until the afternoon. I wanted to get a little treat from the bakery but in the store there is the same treat but 4 instead of 1 for the same price. I knew it'd be risky if I bought it in the store because I might binge eat the treats. but i did buy them and also stuff for dinner. I already felt bad because i shouldn't eat at all and ⭐️ve but most days I cannot find the strength to do so.

so I got back home and wanted to eat ONE of the four-pack treat i bought. it would've been fine if I only ate the one. I wouldn't have had to throw it up. I could've stopped after the one. but I didn't. I ate all four and i obviously couldn't allow myself to keep that mass of calories inside of me. i went to the bathroom and did was i always do. but I couldn't get it out. just one very tiny bit but that wasn't even half of one of the four i ate. I got aggressive and inpatient so I got more brutal trying to throw up. I cried in pain from my abdomen contracting but not getting the food up. After a while I gave up.

but because it was a binging day it didn't stop there. i then started cooking dinner and it was a lot. it was disgusting and i felt disgusted with myself yet I couldn't hold myself back. I ate something without too many calories for dinner but it was still a big portion of food. I went to the bathroom after finishing most of it and started purging. I always have a problem with estimating how much I already threw up and how much is still left in me. but after 20 minutes time spend in the bathroom I felt confident most of the food was out.

But then the eating kept going. I ate bowl after bowl with milk and cereal. three quite well-filled bowls. I am so disgusting. So again I went to the bathroom and purged. I was getting more and more brutal each time because i was so frustrated to not get everything out and also because I hated that I ate so much. my arms hurt from the bruises I have on my underarms from leaning on my toilet. my throat hurts from my nails scratching from the inside. my knuckles hurt because they're bloody from scraping against my teeth. my stomach hurts from the contractions and throwing up.

Pain.. I hate it but rely on it at the same time.

I planned on going to bed so I wouldn't keep on eating. but I failed. I baked myself three spring roles and ate them with sauce. I felt so fucking disgusted with myself. so many calories I consumed in one day. calories I usually eat within two or three days. calories I should consume within four or five days.

my body felt so weak from purging. I was shaking, had no strength to keep my body straight while standing and sitting. I didn't want to throw up a fourth time but i knew I had to. I at least had to try to make things right. but in the end it was a horrible day of binge eating and purging, that in the end couldn't make up for the calories i still consumed this day. today was a really bad day.

[tumlrgirlgeazy]

Should I commit