#Caedosexual

[januscorner]

Made these cus I was pissed, feel free to use with credit

[acexualien]

Day 6 of Ace Week: Struggles That People On The Asexual Spectrum Face! Enjoy 💜 and remember that you are valid and loved no matter what!!

[thebloodbringscolorandfluoresce]

it's a struggle

[shiutsu]

a tierlist of 30+ ace flags!

[lgbtq-userboxes]

[abcwordsurge]

love the implication that there are people who shouldn't use this label because they didn't survive those past experiences

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

This is kinda random and just me trying to introspect a bit while sleep deprived as hell but what would it be called if im like... sex repulsed in a trauma-based way

(like im slowly getting better- by which I just mean 'closer to the state one wants to return to/end at' so that looks different for everyone I know but for me it means the sex repulsion only happens about 70% of the time instead of the old 100% and I'd like to stop having it entirely)

as in not a disgust reaction so much as 'it makes me feel jarred and 'tainted' and irrationally unsafe' kind of reaction, but I still experience both romantic and sexual attraction? Like I know I'm Allo all the way down, MAYBE potentially demisexual biromantic but probably just double bi if that makes sense, I feel sexual attraction and urges and fantasies

(though I have aphantasia which may be relevant, 0 ability to visualize)

as much as romantic, if towards a smaller pool of people than I feel romantic attraction towards, but reading or hearing or seeing sexual subject matter gives me that repulsion reaction mentioned earlier?

(I'm gonna try and break this up a bit to make it less of a text wall but im doing it in post so sorry if it's weird im very out of it rn)

Hi there,

It's ultimately up to you how to describe or label your experiences. That being said, what you're describing sounds similar to caedosexual, which is a sexual orientation where someone feels that trauma has caused them to identify somewhere along the asexual spectrum, whether sex negative, sex neutral, or sex positive.

If anyone has any alternative suggestions, please feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[neopronouns]

flag id: three flags with 6 stripes. the left flag's stripes are dark yellow-green, yellow-green, light yellow-green, white, grey, and black. the middle flag's stripes are dark blue, blue, light blue, white, grey, and black. the right flag's stripes are dark indigo, indigo, light indigo, white, grey, and black. end id.

banner id: a 1500x150 teal banner with the words ‘please read my dni before interacting’ in large white text in the center. end id.

caedoromantic | caedorose | caedosexual

icon-friendly versions of some caedo- flags for anon! colors are from the originals.

dni link

[warriors-pride]

Caedsexual caedromantic caedgender crowfeather

[freemonker]

*whispers quietly*

*what's caedosexuality...*

"many ace people still have sex and can enjoy it" and "many ace people are heavily sex repulsed" are two statements that can coexist. "asexuality is not a psychological disorder" and "caedosexuality is valid" are two statements that can coexist.

[khaire-traveler]

It's time to be honest with myself, and as silly as this is, saying this on Tumblr is going to be my first step. It's the place where I feel I've experienced the most support, specifically about my gender identity.

I'm asexual. Specifically, I believe I'm caedosexual. It feels weird to come out so openly about it, but I just need to open up about it for myself; I know many people in my life would not be understanding about this. Here, I feel that people will be.

[arany-studio]

Are Kanej asexuals?

While we celebrate LGBTQIA+ Pride in the Grishaverse, let's discuss a matter that is not always well understood, but often spoken about in the fandom - are Kanej asexuals?

Trigger warning for talk of sexuality, trauma, PTSD and past sexual abuse.

According to asexuals.fandom.com, the asexuality spectrum is an umbrella term that applies to people who feel little to no sexual attraction and includes such micro labels as asexual, aroace, graysexual, demisexual, aegosexual, apothisexual, fraysexual, aceflux, cupiosexual, orchidsexual or caedosexual. A-spec is a term that can include all of the above.

A little known fact about asexuality is that it is different from libido (or sexual desire). Asexuality is a sexual orientation that relates to attraction, but asexuals can have either high or low libido, which is not directed at anyone in particular. Also, asexuals can have sex for many reasons that are not related to sexual attraction, such as to please their partners, to relax or for pleasure and they are no less asexuals, but it's also important to mention that the majority of people that identify as a-spec do not include sex in their lives.

Asexuality is a spectrum and the opposite of allosexuality, which refers to people who often experience sexual attraction.

An often unknown label under the asexual umbrella is caedosexual.  This includes people who once identified as allosexual, but later on identified on the asexual spectrum because of trauma. It was feared that inclusion of this flag under asexuality would further feed the prejudice that all asexuals are like this because of  trauma, but this has been disproven. Only caedosexuals are so because of trauma, not the other a-specs.

Now let's see what we know about Kanej. Both Kaz and Inej have gone through horrific experiences in their childhood and puberty respectively, and their resulting traumas are affecting how they engage with their sexualities in their teen years. Their desire to heal fluctuates. Sometimes Kaz thinks that Inej could never be truly his and Inej thinks that they might be better off with their armors intact and at other times Inej appreciates that they have tried to be close and wishes they could try again and Kaz fights his demons in order to hold her hand. Fact is, the caedosexuals I have spoken to have said that Kaz and Inej can choose to work towards separating their traumas from their sexualities in the future, or they can choose not to and they are valid either way. So what could be safely said is that Kanej are likely caedosexuals in SoC + CK timeline, although that could change in the future.

But the discussion of whether Kaz and Inej fall under the asexual spectrum is more complex than that and in the fandom you can often find fans arguing either that they provide much needed representation to asexuals or on the contrary, that they are very eager to heal and have an intimate relationship. But let's not forget that libido is different from attraction and there are many asexuals with high libido, so the question here is what type of attraction do Kaz and Inej experience?

The media that we consume is largely amatonormative, meaning that it assumes that all humans pursue love of a romantic and sexual nature, but a less known fact is that attraction can take many more forms than we were led to believe by such media. Attraction is sexual when a person wants to have sex with another, romantic when they desire to engage in romantic activities, aesthetic when they think someone is beautiful, sensual when they desire non-sexual physical closeness (such as nonromantic cuddles and kisses), platonic when they want to be friends with someone or queerplatonic (alterous) when someone desires a committed relationship with a partner that is in between platonic and romantic in nature. Other types of attraction are familial, emotional, intellectual or spiritual. 

For example, it is quite clear that Inej doesn't feel spiritual attraction towards Kaz's lack of faith in saints, but she does feel intellectual attraction towards his brilliant mind. And though Kaz might cover his feelings under "economic" attraction (joking), the question here is under what type of attraction do Kaz's and Inej's feelings for each other fall under. Fact is, if allosexuals view Kaz and Inej through their lense they can easily think that they feel sexual and romantic attraction for each other, but if asexuals view them from their lense instead, what Kanej feel might very well be queerplatonic, sensual or aesthetic attraction that for one or both of them isn't sexual or romantic in nature. For example some people view Kaz's interest in Imogen as a challenge and his desire to have an intimate connection with Inej as wanting to please her and they argue that Kaz has been "content" on his own for so long, plotting his revenge and Barrel dominion, that he might well be asexual or demisexual. Many other people view Inej's famous line "I'll have you without armor" to be related to trust solely, whereas others view it as being both about intimacy and trust. And let's not forget the many voices that appreciate Kanej for showing how people can love each other deeply even when they don't have sex. The truth is that we don't know for sure where Kanej fall on the spectrum of attraction, the text is beautifully vague in that regard, but the many varied interpretations about Kanej show that what meets the eye is not always a person's inner experience.

To sum up, the one thing that is almost certain about Kaz and Inej is that in book time, their traumas influence their experience of sexuality, likely setting them under the a-spec umbrella as caedosexuals. This may or may not change in the future, depending on their desire and capacity to heal, but Kanej are valid either way. As regards to how Kanej might identify were they to heal from their traumas, many interpretations about the way they feel attraction or lack of it are possible, setting them as either allosexual, demisexual or asexual. The beauty of book Kanej is that they are written in such a subtle way that they provide representation to a wide range of people and that's why we love them so much!

[thebloodbringscolorandfluoresce]

Save Me.

It'd be nice to wake up next to her, as she holds me like I'm something precious; to feel her hand brush my hair, lean over to kiss my forehead and confess things between us.

It'd be a lie if I said I'm not terrified, of what she'll think of me after living on the same roof for so long.

Over time I've grown cold; sweet like vanilla ice cream, but it burns, just like frostbite on my fingertips.

I've been used to rough love that if it doesn't leave me with tears running down my face, it's not worth dying for; no use in dismembering my whole body for.

My head is a hopeless romantic and there's no one to save her, not even a safe word. You can throw the first stone, crack my inside open until you find the wholeness inside of me; the crimson red means that I love you.

- Amy Jade.

[jamiieeez]

Neurorose

Neurorose is when someone is both neurosexual and neuroromantic.

I made a neuroattractional flag some time ago, the flag is here[link]

Caedrose

Caedrose is when someone is both caedosexual and caedoromantic.

Caedattractional

Caedattractional is where someone feels that one was previously able to experience attraction, but that ability was lost due to trauma or negative events.

Here[link] is the link to the caed(o) flags.

[goodluckclove]

tw for drugs and sex mentions

yo clove not writing related but do you think it's normal to have not tried recreational drugs by 15 and not particularly want to find them? I've seen people making fun of people for it, along with not having sex which is also concerning to me as a sex-repulsed aroace person (caedosexual and demialterous/aroflux). I'm really anxious about stuff like this so I'd love ur opinion if you're comfortable answering stuff like this, I trust you a lot and you seem like a smart and knowledgeable adult so if you say it's fine I'll probably stop worrying

Hey man if you want to get real let's get real. I won't get too descriptive, but I do agree some people may need the tw so I'll put this under a Read More. Generally my answer is that younger people have a warped view of what warrants maturity and adulthood and a lot of the stuff that they think represents being a Cool Grown Up is actually not meant to be that profoundly world-changing in my opinion. This is especially true for all the stuff that is designed to spike your dopamine, unless in cases where it's being used medicinally (and even then it's case-by-case on if it's really medicinal).

Let's get into it!

So first off let me say the three big things that make me kind of biased to talk about stuff like this.

I am an alloromantic, sex-repulsed asexual

I am an addict

I am a child of addicts

I'll tackle sex first just to get it out of the way, and because I think it'll be easier to answer. Teenagers are one of the most brutal species on the goddamned planet (second only to middle schoolers and that sludge in Chernobyl that kills you immediately if you look at it), and I know for a fact they'll find a way to make fun of you for anything. I didn't know I was asexual in high school. I was an out lesbian at the time - I actually came out on our school broadcast for a GSA ad that ended up playing at least twice a month all year. People were more...too into it, which is also bad.

Mean Teens might say some dumb shit. That sucks, but you'll live. There will be way more Mean Teens that have an opinion on your sex life than there will be Asshole Adults. Like way more. I am open about being an asexual marriage and the worst I get is like "what if you want kids" which - you know - you can shut that down quick.

What matters is what you think about yourself, and the cool truth is that if you go through your whole life never wanting to have sex your life will be very close to unchanged in the grand scheme of things. I'll probably never want to eat a whole olive, and Riley thinks that's crazy because they love olives. But we will both see the same amount of sunsets and cool birds, and we were both eat roughly the amount of yummy snacks and have the same amount of adventures.

I've had sex. Ladies. No, seriously though - it's fine. It's okay. I remember yearning for it for years (I was actually wanting intimacy oops), and when it finally happened I was like oh. that's it? okay. There was a point when my girlfriend at the time actually entered me and I was immediately confused because I had no idea what she was trying to do. I remember I furrowed my brow like I was trying to understand Improv Jazz.

I laughed. i did laugh. That is not great for two people having sex for the first time.

Anyways, I had a few sexual partners and just kind of assumed they were all bad at sex or I was doing something wrong for some reason. Then I met Riley and they were openly ace, and something just clicked in me. I'm still aesthetically and sensually attracted to them (I use sensually in terms that aren't sexual), but there's really no pressure there and we aren't worried about it. And it's awesome.

If someone makes you feel weird about not having sex or a romantic attraction to people then you should feel a little bad for them, because that seems like a thing that a person would only do if they had very little else going on in their lives. That's some bland-ass khaki shit.

Onto intoxicants! So before I moved to Portland I lived in San Jose, California, and shortly after weed was legalized my parents had me start smoking with them - I was 18 - and I ended up being heavily addicted for about three years. This is a divisive thing to say because I know there's some argument about whether or not weed can even be addictive. Let me just say right now, I'm not about to have that argument. I detoxed for about three weeks and I genuinely thought I was dying. Like, I said my "last words" to my mother when she came to check on me. It was rough.

I am not anti-weed. I know it can be an amazing tool for people with certain medical conditions. And if you don't have a history of addiction, it's probably fine to smoke a bowl or a joint every so often and just have that be the end of it. I mean, it's so easy to find now.

Weed is fun, though. That's kind of the reason why it developed it's own culture and persona. The same can be said with alcohol. People definitely have opinions on IPAs. But if someone is so invested in what is essentially little more than an economic industry, that they feel the need to judge you for - spending your money on other stuff? That's piss wizard shit.

Weed is fun, yes, but it is expensive. If someone says they have cheap weed it's probably shit and you need to smoke a lot, or they got it through means that aren't great. And going out to bars also gets costly quick. I still go sometimes, but I limit myself to one fun cocktail.

You can also still go to bars if you want - when you're older, I mean. They can be a good place to meet people and see shows. A lot of them have cool non-alcoholic options - I like when there's a kombucha on tap - or they even have mocktails that are still cool mixed drinks with no alcohol. But they all have Coke or whatever.

There's literally a bar by my house that I go to and I only order the French fries and a Coke. Nobody cares. Getting drunk can be fun if you're in the right situation, but I don't consider it worth the hangover. Getting high can also be fun in the right situation, but edibles taste like trash and if you smoke you're essentially a smoker and that's it's own stigma. What's the alternative - vaping?

Oh my god, vaping? Come on. I have friends that vape and you know how many of them only do it because they're addicted? All of them. Shit sucks. I don't judge them, but I can see them cringe every time they have to hit it.

Also don't let people talk to you about that Delta-8/9 shit. Yeah, it's stronger. Yeah, it's unregulated. But like - it's unregulated and we have no goddamned clue what it'll do in the long run.

Getting high is fun because you don't have to exist in the world for a while and that's great, but it ultimately doesn't solve anything. When I'd smoke a bunch of weed and sativa alone in my bedroom (Hey don't do that! Bad idea! Really bad! My parents knew I was doing this and they allowed it because they are bad people!), I'd giggle and fuck around and eat a lot of snacks, but the next morning all the shit I was trying to escape was still there. Only difference was that now I had to go out and drop another 60 bucks on an eighth to get me through the next two weeks.

A lot of people want to have sex and get drunk or high so they can think of something else other than their current situation for like fifteen minutes to six hours. if you don't want to do either of that, and you're not going absolutely insane, that seems pretty cool. I can cite all the studies that say that a lot of that kind of stuff can actually stunt your development if you get into it too early (Or at all, really), but you don't need me to do that. You know that's the case. I knew that and I still OD'd on weed twice before the age of 21.

You're good, man. It's not a culture when you do that this young, it's a coping skill. And if you found a different one that's going to be way better for you in the long run. You can still have fun and make friends, you can even still have a partner in life if you find that's something you want. Your life is might seem limited in a few ways - but it's actually far more open in many, many other ones.

I don't mind questions like these all, by the way. Thanks for trusting me!

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

ABOUT: Sexual Trauma, intimacy, sexuality

How do I figure out the difference between trauma based avoidance of intimacy, or if i may be some sort of asexual? I'm really questioning everything right now.

Hi anon,

Please know that there is no rush to be intimate. If that makes you uncomfortable right now then you deserve to have those boundaries respected, and make sure you take care of yourself.

I think this is a great question because it can be hard to distinguish, and sometimes people are asexual due to trauma.

Asexuality is, plain and simple, the lack of sexual attraction, so if that resonates with you then perhaps that is a term you can use. Caedosexual is an asexual identity in which "an individual who identified as allosexual—or not a part of the asexual spectrum—at one point in their lives, but are now on the asexual spectrum due to past trauma." Perhaps aromantic may also resonate with you. Caedoromantic, respectively, is when someone is "alloromantic at one point, but that has been taken or 'cut away' from them due to past trauma."

Intimacy can obviously be more than just sexual or even romantic activity, so that could be something to explore within yourself. According to this resource, intimacy can also be intellectual, emotional, experiential, spiritual, and so on. I also found this interesting article about intimacy avoidance and childhood trauma.

If you resonate with any of these then that's okay, and if in your healing journey your relationship with intimacy improves, then it's okay to describe yourself differently. It's ultimately up to you how you define your experiences and interests. A mental health professional such as a therapist may be able to further help you distinguish your identity as you navigate and heal from what happened.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun