#Caedosexual

[thecouncilacesideblog]

Gender? Oh! I knew I was forgetting something!

Sexuality? Ah, yes, I know of The Sex

Romantic Attraction? Uhh, check back in later

Gender, Sexuality, Romantic Attraction Tagging Game

How do: You put your gender, sexuality, and romantic attraction down with a line break between them—but, here's the catch, don't use any labels! So, for example, this, "Gender? Agender Sexuality? Lesbian Romantic Attraction? Demiromantic" would be this: "Gender? I hardly know 'er! Sexuality? Girl-kisser Romantic Attraction? My friends, I think"

So, here's mine!

Gender? Yours, fool Sexuality? Yes Romantic Attraction? Only if I know you well enough

TAGS (under the cut, and don't feel obligated to do it!) (and obviously those who I have not tagged can participate too)

@bassguitarinablackt-shirt @gloriousvermin @midnight-thedyke @littlebookworm69 @runwiththerain @cybercerealkiller @ishouldsleepbut @ssavinggrace @i-love-your-father @us-costco-official @scifikode @i-am-an-arson-enthusiast

[januscorner]

Made these cus I was pissed, feel free to use with credit

[acexualien]

Day 6 of Ace Week: Struggles That People On The Asexual Spectrum Face! Enjoy 💜 and remember that you are valid and loved no matter what!!

[thebloodbringscolorandfluoresce]

it's a struggle

[shiutsu]

a tierlist of 30+ ace flags!

[lgbtq-userboxes]

[abcwordsurge]

love the implication that there are people who shouldn't use this label because they didn't survive those past experiences

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

This is kinda random and just me trying to introspect a bit while sleep deprived as hell but what would it be called if im like... sex repulsed in a trauma-based way

(like im slowly getting better- by which I just mean 'closer to the state one wants to return to/end at' so that looks different for everyone I know but for me it means the sex repulsion only happens about 70% of the time instead of the old 100% and I'd like to stop having it entirely)

as in not a disgust reaction so much as 'it makes me feel jarred and 'tainted' and irrationally unsafe' kind of reaction, but I still experience both romantic and sexual attraction? Like I know I'm Allo all the way down, MAYBE potentially demisexual biromantic but probably just double bi if that makes sense, I feel sexual attraction and urges and fantasies

(though I have aphantasia which may be relevant, 0 ability to visualize)

as much as romantic, if towards a smaller pool of people than I feel romantic attraction towards, but reading or hearing or seeing sexual subject matter gives me that repulsion reaction mentioned earlier?

(I'm gonna try and break this up a bit to make it less of a text wall but im doing it in post so sorry if it's weird im very out of it rn)

Hi there,

It's ultimately up to you how to describe or label your experiences. That being said, what you're describing sounds similar to caedosexual, which is a sexual orientation where someone feels that trauma has caused them to identify somewhere along the asexual spectrum, whether sex negative, sex neutral, or sex positive.

If anyone has any alternative suggestions, please feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[neopronouns]

flag id: three flags with 6 stripes. the left flag's stripes are dark yellow-green, yellow-green, light yellow-green, white, grey, and black. the middle flag's stripes are dark blue, blue, light blue, white, grey, and black. the right flag's stripes are dark indigo, indigo, light indigo, white, grey, and black. end id.

banner id: a 1500x150 teal banner with the words ‘please read my dni before interacting’ in large white text in the center. end id.

caedoromantic | caedorose | caedosexual

icon-friendly versions of some caedo- flags for anon! colors are from the originals.

dni link

[warriors-pride]

Caedsexual caedromantic caedgender crowfeather

[thebloodbringscolorandfluoresce]

Save Me.

It'd be nice to wake up next to her, as she holds me like I'm something precious; to feel her hand brush my hair, lean over to kiss my forehead and confess things between us.

It'd be a lie if I said I'm not terrified, of what she'll think of me after living on the same roof for so long.

Over time I've grown cold; sweet like vanilla ice cream, but it burns, just like frostbite on my fingertips.

I've been used to rough love that if it doesn't leave me with tears running down my face, it's not worth dying for; no use in dismembering my whole body for.

My head is a hopeless romantic and there's no one to save her, not even a safe word. You can throw the first stone, crack my inside open until you find the wholeness inside of me; the crimson red means that I love you.

- Amy Jade.

[khaire-traveler]

It's time to be honest with myself, and as silly as this is, saying this on Tumblr is going to be my first step. It's the place where I feel I've experienced the most support, specifically about my gender identity.

I'm asexual. Specifically, I believe I'm caedosexual. It feels weird to come out so openly about it, but I just need to open up about it for myself; I know many people in my life would not be understanding about this. Here, I feel that people will be.

[arany-studio]

Are Kanej asexuals?

While we celebrate LGBTQIA+ Pride in the Grishaverse, let's discuss a matter that is not always well understood, but often spoken about in the fandom - are Kanej asexuals?

Trigger warning for talk of sexuality, trauma, PTSD and past sexual abuse.

According to asexuals.fandom.com, the asexuality spectrum is an umbrella term that applies to people who feel little to no sexual attraction and includes such micro labels as asexual, aroace, graysexual, demisexual, aegosexual, apothisexual, fraysexual, aceflux, cupiosexual, orchidsexual or caedosexual. A-spec is a term that can include all of the above.

A little known fact about asexuality is that it is different from libido (or sexual desire). Asexuality is a sexual orientation that relates to attraction, but asexuals can have either high or low libido, which is not directed at anyone in particular. Also, asexuals can have sex for many reasons that are not related to sexual attraction, such as to please their partners, to relax or for pleasure and they are no less asexuals, but it's also important to mention that the majority of people that identify as a-spec do not include sex in their lives.

Asexuality is a spectrum and the opposite of allosexuality, which refers to people who often experience sexual attraction.

An often unknown label under the asexual umbrella is caedosexual.  This includes people who once identified as allosexual, but later on identified on the asexual spectrum because of trauma. It was feared that inclusion of this flag under asexuality would further feed the prejudice that all asexuals are like this because of  trauma, but this has been disproven. Only caedosexuals are so because of trauma, not the other a-specs.

Now let's see what we know about Kanej. Both Kaz and Inej have gone through horrific experiences in their childhood and puberty respectively, and their resulting traumas are affecting how they engage with their sexualities in their teen years. Their desire to heal fluctuates. Sometimes Kaz thinks that Inej could never be truly his and Inej thinks that they might be better off with their armors intact and at other times Inej appreciates that they have tried to be close and wishes they could try again and Kaz fights his demons in order to hold her hand. Fact is, the caedosexuals I have spoken to have said that Kaz and Inej can choose to work towards separating their traumas from their sexualities in the future, or they can choose not to and they are valid either way. So what could be safely said is that Kanej are likely caedosexuals in SoC + CK timeline, although that could change in the future.

But the discussion of whether Kaz and Inej fall under the asexual spectrum is more complex than that and in the fandom you can often find fans arguing either that they provide much needed representation to asexuals or on the contrary, that they are very eager to heal and have an intimate relationship. But let's not forget that libido is different from attraction and there are many asexuals with high libido, so the question here is what type of attraction do Kaz and Inej experience?

The media that we consume is largely amatonormative, meaning that it assumes that all humans pursue love of a romantic and sexual nature, but a less known fact is that attraction can take many more forms than we were led to believe by such media. Attraction is sexual when a person wants to have sex with another, romantic when they desire to engage in romantic activities, aesthetic when they think someone is beautiful, sensual when they desire non-sexual physical closeness (such as nonromantic cuddles and kisses), platonic when they want to be friends with someone or queerplatonic (alterous) when someone desires a committed relationship with a partner that is in between platonic and romantic in nature. Other types of attraction are familial, emotional, intellectual or spiritual. 

For example, it is quite clear that Inej doesn't feel spiritual attraction towards Kaz's lack of faith in saints, but she does feel intellectual attraction towards his brilliant mind. And though Kaz might cover his feelings under "economic" attraction (joking), the question here is under what type of attraction do Kaz's and Inej's feelings for each other fall under. Fact is, if allosexuals view Kaz and Inej through their lense they can easily think that they feel sexual and romantic attraction for each other, but if asexuals view them from their lense instead, what Kanej feel might very well be queerplatonic, sensual or aesthetic attraction that for one or both of them isn't sexual or romantic in nature. For example some people view Kaz's interest in Imogen as a challenge and his desire to have an intimate connection with Inej as wanting to please her and they argue that Kaz has been "content" on his own for so long, plotting his revenge and Barrel dominion, that he might well be asexual or demisexual. Many other people view Inej's famous line "I'll have you without armor" to be related to trust solely, whereas others view it as being both about intimacy and trust. And let's not forget the many voices that appreciate Kanej for showing how people can love each other deeply even when they don't have sex. The truth is that we don't know for sure where Kanej fall on the spectrum of attraction, the text is beautifully vague in that regard, but the many varied interpretations about Kanej show that what meets the eye is not always a person's inner experience.

To sum up, the one thing that is almost certain about Kaz and Inej is that in book time, their traumas influence their experience of sexuality, likely setting them under the a-spec umbrella as caedosexuals. This may or may not change in the future, depending on their desire and capacity to heal, but Kanej are valid either way. As regards to how Kanej might identify were they to heal from their traumas, many interpretations about the way they feel attraction or lack of it are possible, setting them as either allosexual, demisexual or asexual. The beauty of book Kanej is that they are written in such a subtle way that they provide representation to a wide range of people and that's why we love them so much!

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

ABOUT: Sexual Trauma, intimacy, sexuality

How do I figure out the difference between trauma based avoidance of intimacy, or if i may be some sort of asexual? I'm really questioning everything right now.

Hi anon,

Please know that there is no rush to be intimate. If that makes you uncomfortable right now then you deserve to have those boundaries respected, and make sure you take care of yourself.

I think this is a great question because it can be hard to distinguish, and sometimes people are asexual due to trauma.

Asexuality is, plain and simple, the lack of sexual attraction, so if that resonates with you then perhaps that is a term you can use. Caedosexual is an asexual identity in which "an individual who identified as allosexual—or not a part of the asexual spectrum—at one point in their lives, but are now on the asexual spectrum due to past trauma." Perhaps aromantic may also resonate with you. Caedoromantic, respectively, is when someone is "alloromantic at one point, but that has been taken or 'cut away' from them due to past trauma."

Intimacy can obviously be more than just sexual or even romantic activity, so that could be something to explore within yourself. According to this resource, intimacy can also be intellectual, emotional, experiential, spiritual, and so on. I also found this interesting article about intimacy avoidance and childhood trauma.

If you resonate with any of these then that's okay, and if in your healing journey your relationship with intimacy improves, then it's okay to describe yourself differently. It's ultimately up to you how you define your experiences and interests. A mental health professional such as a therapist may be able to further help you distinguish your identity as you navigate and heal from what happened.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[freemonker]

*whispers quietly*

*what's caedosexuality...*

"many ace people still have sex and can enjoy it" and "many ace people are heavily sex repulsed" are two statements that can coexist. "asexuality is not a psychological disorder" and "caedosexuality is valid" are two statements that can coexist.

[neopronouns]

flag id: three flags with 5 stripes. the left flag's stripes are dark green, near-black, very dark faded red, dark red, and dull pink. the middle flag's stripes are dark blue, near-black, very dark faded red, dark red, and dull red-pink. the right flag's stripes are dark purple, near-black, very dark faded red, dark red, and dull red. end id.

banner id: a 1500x150 teal banner with the words ‘please read my dni before interacting’ in large white text in the center. end id.

caedoromantic | caedorose | caedosexual

my own versions of the caedoromantic, caedorose, and caedosexual for anon!

the top stripe of each flag represents the aspec identity one now has, the middle three stripes represent trauma, and the bottom stripe represents the allospec identity one feels they once had (shades of pink/red i associate with the allospec identities, faded to represent that one no longer is that identity).

dni link