#caliber girl

[boysbeware2]

all the old tptm girl journal entries w the new (if anyone wants to see them again and compare them)

please proceed with caution as many of these could be upsetting to read

disposable girl (jordyn)

(old)

i cant fucking stand this. i try so goddamn hard to make friends, to be attractive to people, to be even somewhat appealing to them etc etc. it never works. i thought it would get better the older i get. thats what i was told. guess what! i was fucking lied to!!! im alwasy left out of EVERYTHING i never get invited to shit and my own friends ignore me all the time. everyone looks at me weird. i cant go in public anymore im so fucking terrified of everyone. nobody fuckinf wants me, man. im so close to doing something stupid i feel so gross and ugly and dumb i should actually just die id be doing everyone a favor LOL

(new)

man, i havent been on here in forever. the internet is kind of dumb. what is there to say? my friend group celebrated our outpatient graduation anniversary the other day, that was pretty nice. we’re all trying to figure out housing stuff, nora’s been helping with that. freyja + mayra + kairi found a place already (how are they so responsible??) and the rest of us are trying to find places near them so we can visit more often. i never expected to have such a big group of friends. if you told me 2 years ago that i’d be living like this, i wouldn’t believe you. it’s still surreal to me. i’m not sure what i did to deserve them. same goes for my girlfriends. i don’t wanna say who just yet, we’re still figuring things out, but i’m just so thankful for them. i feel so lucky to have a second chance at life. i really didn’t believe people when they said it would get better, and then it did. how funny…..

irreverent girl (kairi)

(old)

I do not want God to see me anymore. I do not want anymore eyes on me. This is near unbearable. I have no one to turn to. My mother is in the church. Many of my friends are in the church. They would tell me to find hope through Christ. They would tell me to pray to Him. They would tell me that He will save me. He must not remember He made me, and if He does, He simply does not care. I know this is unbecoming of me, and I don't mean to be dramatic. I am simply depressed, nervous, and I cannot tell what's real and what isn't anymore. I know I'm supposed to hear God speaking to me, but I do not, and I am tired of straining my ears. I just want to see a doctor. I want some kind of tangible solution. I do not want to pray anymore. Praying hurts. I only do it when I am afraid, but I am afraid much of the time. I don't want to be unheard anymore. I do not want to hold out hope for someone who does not act like they're there. I am hurting. I am hurting. I am hurting. Belief is hurting me. The idea of God is hurting me. I need an out. I am hurting.

(new)

When I have a job and money and I can move away from my shitty Mormon parents

splitter girl (tahira)

(old)

theres something so broken in me thats beyond saving. so i dont know why i keep trying to be saved. i meant to kill myself when i was 18. i didnt. all ive wanted to do lately is kill someone or something. i havent. im too much of a pussy to plan anything concrete, no matter how much i hate everyone around me. no matter how much i get off to videos of people dying or how much i love cutting myself i cant actually take action against other people. i am fucking purposeless. i was born from evil and i will always be evil and i cant even live up to that. i hate myself i hate myself i HATE myself and the universe hates me too. i dont know what to fucking do at this point. i talked to one of my friends about wantingto die and they said smthn about hospitalizing myself. maybe. i dunno. i dont know what else there is for me/. my eyes are fucking burning from lookign at my computer for so long adn not getting any goddamn sleep. i am not a good person. i dont think i can be helped but i just dont wanna fucking keep goign to school and being around people and pretending like everything is norma;l. i cant keep doing it. what the fuck is wrong with me whagt happened. why cant i be loved or feel love for other people when did something change in me that switched the aggression and affection parts of my brain. im hyperventilating ill be back. maybe

(new)

getting myself onigiri from this one good boba place 2nite bc im 8 months clean…… its the little things~ ^^

fainéant girl (freyja)

(old)

i know i dont hate being disabled... i just hate being disabled in a society that makes existing difficult... but sometimes i really just dont want to be disabled anymore. i dont want my family to lecture me about how i could be helping out more, or how i should get a job. i dont want teachers to keep asking me whats wrong or the fuckin uni counselor to try to get me hospitalized. i dont want to be in so much pain anymore, to feel so exhausted that i cant even do so much as prepare food for myself, let alone do anything meaningful or fulfilling. its not fair. i shouldnt have to stay inside and sit in the dark all day,. i should be able to have friends. to talk to people and to go out with them and to feel like i am alive. its lonely and traumatic to suffer through this and on top of that no one around me understands, and they never fully will. i am tired of trying to justify my existence to everyone, to explain the pain that i am in and why i shouldnt have to experience it. i know the problem isnt me. i know i live in a world that isnt built for me. but if the world cant change then sometimes i truly feel that i should just stop living in it. my lifespan is already shorter than everyone else's anyways. what difference does it make

(new)

my qpps didnt seem to appreciate me playing Alien Kids Alien Rap for them. Do they even love me

caliber girl (nora)

(old)

唉～It is 3 AM and I should go to sleep but I can’t. I have a work zoom meeting early in the morning and I gotta hit the gym also because I haven’t done leg day in like… weeks. Oh well, it doesn’t even matter. My value is depleting but I don’t think I care anymore. The turnaround date for my code is also in a couple of days and I haven’t made any progress. I keep getting the same error and I’m too tired to figure out what’s wrong. I might get fired at this rate LOL(笑). If that happens, I think I’ll just consider ending it all. Not that anybody will miss me. God I sound so weak and pathetic right now. When did it get like this. How did it get like this. I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’ve been through worse before and this is nothing. Ugh, why is it so hard to breathe? My chest hurts and I feel like something is wrong but I don’t know how to make it go away. Should I call someone about this? No. No one is awake or around to help. I’ll be fine. I’ll just sleep it off. Shake it off… shake it off…

(new)

My Tamagotchi beeped during a meeting fml

chocolate box girl (morgan)

(old)

i thought i was doing better but i cant stop thinking about them. their touch, their interests, their smile, everything. the worst part is that i miss them, after all of what they've done to me. i was 13. i dont even feel justified calling it rape since our relationship was so muddy... they never yelled at me or was angry at me, they just got so sad when i tried to speak my mind, and got all my friends to hate me when we finally broke up. i never said no so i feel like im insulting actual survivors by feeling violated. i wasnt even trying to get into a relationship with them, it just happened... i feel like everyone around me wants me in the same way they did, even though im an adult now and i dont even try to make myself appealing. i wish i could trust people not to take advantage of me, and i feel disgusting and selfish for feeling like everyone has ulterior motives of getting me to fall in love with them, or worse. that's so self centered of me. i dont know how long i can keep doing this

(new)

girl help i cant stop looking at anime figures on japan yahoo auctions !!!!!

taxidermy girl (mayra)

(old)

I don't remember ever not having a sex drive, is that normal ? I was born and then it was all downhill from there, something happened to me sexually i think, I don't know what happened, because I don't remember much, but something happened and I was beaten for it and yelled at and my mother hated me, and now I am an adult and I try to have sex, and I'm not there mentally, even if my body is participating, I feel like I am in the past again, being beaten and yelled at . I want to keep trying, I want to have fun, to feel safe in someone else's arms, to reach the heights of pleasure, but my mind scares me so much, I haven't been able to eat anything today because I feel so horrified by my body . If I was good I would have been born as a nonsexual being, no parts, no desires, no instincts, a blank slate, too empty to be enjoyed . Do you know what it feels like, to have your mother tell you people want to sexually abuse you when you are a child, and then to be made fun of by your peers for being so ugly, to have your middle school and high school classmates joke about how much they don't want to have sex with you ? I am illicit and undesirable at the same time, I am everyone's last option, I am nothing and still too much, rotting deer meat on the side of the road . I wish I had been born as something beautiful and pure, I wish I could start over, that whatever that initial sin was had never been committed .. I want to start over

(new)

Went to a kink event the other night and everyone was so nice … The low lights were fucking with my vision so one of the hosts helped me navigate the place . I ❤️ you random disabled ally with a pup mask on

chemical girl (joy)

(old)

LMAOOOOO im too angry and miserable to be around. i think i just need to give up at this point because theres clearly like. something broken inside me that cant be fixed. that has 2 be it because i try to talk and i just sound cold, i try to make a joke and it comes out overly edgy and unfunny, i try to be like everyone else but its too much. i cant even be a collection of the positive traits i see in others, i try to replicate it and it comes out warped and wrong. im either fucking enraged or in abject misery or way too happy and nobody can keep up with me. the thing is i dont even blame them. i wouldnt want to be around me either. do u know what thats like? being someone you wouldnt want to know? i keep hoping that one day ill wake up and suddenly be normal, the mood swings will be gone and everyone will like me and i wont do stupid shit that pisses them off. but i know that day isnt coming. theres no hope for me and i want to say sorry to everyone who has ever had the misfortune of knowing me but i know it wouldnt do anything. theres nothing i could ever do to make myself right

(new)

i need to convince my gf to take me to Round One again soon

refraction girl (nataana)

(old)

i don't want to do this anymore. i'm going somewhere better

(new)

talked with my psych and i’ll be starting TMS soon, it’s some thing where they put magnets to ur brain and it’s supposed to treat depression.. trying to temper my expectations bc i’ve tried so many treatments that just do nothing for me, but i’d be lying if i said my hopes weren’t riding on this. i want to confidently say i’m glad to be alive. i feel like i’m getting closer to that

nurse parallel/machine girl (xiomara)

(old)

I am so excited... Tomorrow my experimental outpatient treatment plan begins!!! I'm beyond delighted. I have complicated feelings about my DID being in remission, but it's nice to feel stable enough to be in charge of something this big, and to not have terrible gaps in my memory anymore. I still don't remember everything that happened to me, but maybe I don't need to. At this stage of my life, I feel content. I can confidently say everything was worth it. I want to help others feel that way, too. I think I can.

(new)

I’m meeting up with a new friend tomorrow… I feel nervous, but it’s a good nervousness, I think!

[nebulastarz]

I’M WEEZING HELP ME

hello weevildoers, now that caliber girl is real i can share these memes from like. a year ago

[pplatonic]

i made blinkies awhile back for disposable, splitter, faineant, and chocobox. i made more for hte rest of the girls now that the series is over :) here is them all

[anti-socialexperiment]

EVIL TPTM

RECYCLABLE Girl

REVERENT Girl

LINKED Girl

AWAKE Girl

SABER Girl

CANDY-BAG Girl

MUMMIFY Girl

BASE Girl

DIFFRACTION Girl

NURSE PERPENDICULAR

[peachie-kittie]

YOU SAW THE VISION

did yall see who won the presidential elections USA 2024 like bro we’ve been saved!! 🤣🤣

+ vice president

IK THE PHOTOS SUCK BUT LIKE. SHHHH. THIS IS REAL!!!!

inspo above this text

[theinsterminators]

TPTM IS OVERRRRRRRRRRUEHGH

MY GIRLS

THEY ARE HEALING

PLEAAAAASE

LOOK AT THEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

MY GIRLLS OUGHGHG

I CRIED LISTENING TO PARALLEL

PLEASE

IT MAKES ME SO FUCKING ILL

AAAAAAAAAUGHGH

WEEVIL YOU HAVE CHANGED MY LIFEHHH

I AM DEVASTATED IN THE HAPPIEST WAY POSSIBLE

[heartscaffold]

been thinking about this ask (disregard the weird pairing itself) where weevildoing says that caliber/nora would see a lot of herself in splitter/tahira and as someone who relates to both of these girls the most i can totally see it! i think tahira's connection to the internet and specifically her usage of it could very well be similar to how nora got introduced to it when she was younger, especially considering that her job as a computer programmer, albeit this is more of a loose connection than anything.

with tahira's general frustration with having no prospects for the future i can see how that would resonate with nora's own history of trying to (and failing) meet impossible expectations and the feelings that arise with destroying yourself to feel like your life's worth anything and being faced with the apparent sign that nothing you do matters, it will never be enough to redeem you

this all adds up to resentment at their lot in life, waging a never-ending battle against oneself and specifically one's inherent lack of worth. i suspect that tahira's self harming habits also parallel nora drowning herself with work to the point of neglecting her needs, and likewise nora's shame is a kind of internalized anger vs tahira's more open form of aggression at her circumstances

another thing i think is interesting is how both of their songs mention particular ways to claim control over their lives, particularly tahira's thoughts of enacting violence vs nora's competence

im not sure how to wrap this post up other than i hope it's legible thank yew for reading <3

[abbyzenken]

💛🩵💗

First colored art with Caliber and it looks so good.... omg...

[froggyplanet4269]

thank you, from the bottom of my heart to weevildoing and the entire tptm fandom for this journey. As of writing this, tomorrow the last girl will come out.

Tptm has become one of my favorite albums by far, and every song and character is as fun as relatable and beautiful in so many ways.

It's a bit odd to think that we will no longer have any new album songs to expect; we have been doing so for long (or at least in my case) that it will be strange to just... have it complete.

Again, thank you so much. I love xiomara's design :D

[tptmas]

THE TPTM GIRLS AS: EYESHADOWS

[boysbeware2]

dont know if anyone has done this yet

i was able to get all of the forms from the girls in the ehawee hospital! i hope this is useful to somebody lol

[feraljayce]

loosely colored the outpatient shots in the last mv! thank you all for being such a wonderful fanbase. of course im only a small part of it, and weevil/towne takes the credit for this amazng album, but im so grateful i got to be a part of this at all :]

edit i meant to say inpatient i literally corrected myself on this before. oops

[pplatonic]

yeah

[anti-socialexperiment]

I KNOW ITS NOT A HEALTHY WAY TO FEEL, / HEAVENLY FATHER, PLEASE ALTER THIS BODY. / SO YOU CAN’T STAND TO SEE ME PUNISHING MYSELF?! / THEY DON’T TELL STORIES ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE ME, / 夜以继日 / YOU PICKED ME OUT AND ATE ME UP! / INLOVE WITH THE IDEA OF ME… / THIS IS NO PLACE OF HONOR.

TPTM cover for my portfolio for school.. should out to be teacher dawg for being based

@weevildoing

[lualily13]

Happy pride month ptm community

[kitty-koins]

nine whole charic genders because im totally sane over my interests!!!

disposablegirlcharic ┄ a charic gender related to Disposable Girl/Jordyn-Mae Thomas from The Post-Traumatic Manifesto !

irreverentgirlcharic ┄ a charic gender related to Irreverent Girl/Kairi Herring from The Post-Traumatic Manifesto !

splittergirlcharic ┄ a charic gender related to Splitter Girl/Tahira Rashid from The Post-Traumatic Manifesto !

fainéantgirlcharic ┄ a charic gender related to Fainéant Girl/Freyja Maria Mendoza from The Post-Traumatic Manifesto !

calibergirlcharic ┄ a charic gender related to Caliber Girl/Nora Qu from The Post-Traumatic Manifesto !

chocolateboxgirlcharic ┄ a charic gender related to Chocolate-Box Girl/Morgan Moretti from The Post-Traumatic Manifesto !

taxidermygirlcharic ┄ a charic gender related to Taxidermy Girl/Mayra Tikuna from The Post-Traumatic Manifesto !

chemicalgirlcharic ┄ a charic gender related to Chemical Girl/Joy Sinclair from The Post-Traumatic Manifesto !

refractiongirlcharic ┄ a charic gender related to Refraction Girl/Nataana Nchoko from The Post-Traumatic Manifesto !

i have versions of these with the symbols from the carrd as well, i just don't have the energy to make image IDs for them ,, i might add them at some point, might not [^-^']>

also i got refraction girl when i took the quiz which. yeah. sounds about right

anyways if you havent already GO LISTEN TO TPTM RIGHT NOW!!!!!!