#tw mind alteration

[galaxygermdraws]

DREW FANART FOR MY FAVORITE FIC OF ALL TIME (and spoiled it for those of you who wanna check it out)

If you DON'T know what fic this is, this is "Dynasty Decapitated" by blueticked. Their tumblr account is deactivated, and idk if they ever made a new account, so I can't properly tag them. But the fic is linked if you want to read it. You may have to zoom in for better quality also because this canvas is huge

(Reblogs with tags/comments are appreciated. PLEASE go read this fic it's so good. Also! I will put a non spoilered version of this under the cut so you can see what I drew. Thankyu)

[diamond-doubles]

i am almost myself again

my menories are skipping aeay

fadung

i dont want to firget

i wonder if volo remembbers?

[mr-payjay]

lalala drawingssss also separated payjay (last two pics) is from an au i just didn't have any other payjay to post (can you believe it!!!)

[al-luviec]

vito

[isthisatragedy]

art

[deceit-and-knowledge]

Aaaand we’re back! Welcome back shadow milk cookie!

s: *coughing and panting*

f: ..a..are you okay?..

s: DO I LOOK OKAY, I JUST THREW UP! ..ugh.. what..the hell.. I feel like I was some nerd for 2 hours..

...

f: it's...gonna be a funny story to laugh at later, do you remember anything?

s: well one minute I'm considering looking for pure vanilla cookie, next minute I see candy apple cookie looking like she's going to cry.. so what did I say to make her cry..

f: you didn't know who she was..

s: say what?.. I forgot my favourite minion???? HA......did I lose my memory or something..

...*shivering* ...what..was done to me.. I feel so utterly weak.... worse than ever..... *Coughs*

f: don't throw up again please..

s: oh yeah try not to.. *sits up and shakes head* ...water.. please...

Hm...oh..hey.....*huffs*

[requiemsystem]

ORGANIZATIONAL PROGRAMMING — WHAT IT IS AND IS NOT

Trigger warning for discussion of programming. Organizational programming is a type of programming that encompasses any form of categorization. This can be done by numbers, colors, gemstones, cards, or anything else your group sees as relevant. For programmed systems who have organizational programming, it is used as the foundation for all other programming. Each category will be used to decide a specific type of programming. For example, the color black may indicate violence or aggression programming, commonly referred to in the survivor community as "delta". You can have multiple organization programs, but the more you have the more confusing it would get, so it's likely that most groups would only stick to a few. The ability for a child to remember multiple different organizational programming systems depends entirely on the child and the ability of the group to make it stick. Due to the nature of organizational programming being the foundation for all other programs, it must be implemented near the start of the abuse and reinforced throughout. It cannot be successfully implemented after all other programs, as this would be extremely poorly done and messy. Due to how group specific organizational programming can be, there is no universal meaning to any type of organizational programming. For example, people commonly say that the color red is associated with sexual programming, or "beta" as it's commonly called in survivor communities, but this is entirely subjective and depends on what the group associates that color with. You also cannot have only organizational programming. The organization has to be for a purpose, and it would be pointless to implement it if they did not intend to use it. Not all survivors of programming have organizational programming, it is not a required thing to have. Some groups see no use for it and never implement it. Others see it as highly important. It depends entirely on your group. Number programming is not the only type of organizational programming. I see organizational programming reduced down to only number programming quite frequently, but it's far from the only type. Anything relevant to your group with distinct categories can be used as organizational programming. - Veritas

[theoneeyedgoldenwolf]

Story idea # 20

Sorry if this is WAY too swiftly written. I'm bit sick at the moment but don't want my Christmas Calendar thingy to have a hiatus or such. Also, I was planning a story for Winter Solstice (Saturday) but it might end up coming day or few late as it's not yet fully written. =/

Anyway, off to the actual idea of mine:

In one of my stories I had several crazy mad scientists trying to turn people into monsters. Mainly going for the cruelest beasts known aka Dead Hand, Stalfos and ReDead.

Now, since Time's my fave he gets the lovely rights to being in this shit once again. Sorry, Time. ^^;;

Anyway, Time's caught by the bad guys as they're holding his boys by swordpoint. Yeah, somehow they got overpowered and all. And Time goes through lot of shit with the injections and whatnot No actual transformation but his mind does alter. He'll crave for meat and is ready to tear pretty much anything into pieces. YET, when the Chain finally finds him, he still does everything in his power to protect them. There's no chance he'll hurt them even one bit but he is crueler and fiercer than ever before against the bad guys.

This is actually mainly for my Ranch Family AU stuff but, if someone can figure out how to fix Time, it can also go for the normal LU.

The story of mine I mentioned:

[anti-endo-help]

tw for ramcoa? (specifically mind control?) mention and abuse

we were wondering if you could help us out here and I hope I’m just being paranoid and wrong

We’re a system and we just remembered recently something we went through and we aren’t sure if it’s just the usual gaslighting and manipulation or if it falls under mind control

just to sum it up, when were 5-6, there was someone who had convinced us that we were related and that their biological family was actually our biological family, and that our current family actually adopted us.

they continued to use this against us and reinforced it a lot. They would force us into bullying our only friend, taking the blame for everything they’ve done leading us to get in trouble, make us do other things we didn’t want, etc typically by using things such as “do [blank] to prove you really care about your real family” or “we’re real family, meaning you’d do anything for me” etc (not word for word obviously, but relatively what was said)

this is where the dissociation started for us and we became dependent on that person (and I’m sure where our co-dependency comes from) to be used as a tool for them. They even often got their friends involved in this, leading to a group manipulating us into this delusion to be used. We were forced into believing we were this person’s sibling and that we had a “fake life” (leading to the start of our struggle of sense of self and not being able to grasp who we were)

we’ve read on mind control, but it’s still confusing to us and we just aren’t sure if this counts or not 

hi. please see a professional about this.

this is very serious, and very concerning. I am not a professional and can't really tell you what this is or how to deal with it, so please seek some kind of person who is able to assist better than I can.

as a ramcoa system, I am sorry for what you went through.

[ID: STOP! this blog is a strictly anti-endo space! pro-endos and endo neutrals, shoo! shoo shoo!]

[diamond-doubles]

M!A Emmets full memories have returned with 0 gaps

Lasts as long as mod desires

[rubs hands together. this will be fun]

so in DID live some place warn befure geying ton hisui

[so i DID live someplace warm before getting to hisui]

[blububs]

Someone said that we shouldn't speak about the torture that we went through because then people can use it against us. But how else are we supposed to heal? We can't suffer in silence forever while our abusers never get called out for the things that they did.

I think that everyone who endured torture should talk about their experience. Just be sure to speak to the right people. Vet them to ensure that they are safe first.

So... With all that being said. This is a part of my story.

They mostly psychologically tortured me. You've heard of gang stalking, right? Similar to that, except they were also sex trafficking me.

It started with mostly family and family friends then peers and teachers at school started to participate. I had developed a dissociative disorder by age 5. So I didn't know that I was surrounded by enemies and I stayed with them until I was in my thirties. They wanted me to stay forever and my entire city wanted that too. But I couldn't stay and when I ended up in a homeless shelter, separated from my abusers, my memories began to merge and resurface.

I realized I had been sex trafficked for three decades. Everyone I had ever interacted with was informed about the trafficking and participated in some way. That's thousands of people. I was forced to continuously switch jobs because no one wanted to work with the 'prostitute' for too long. I was forced to go to college for a decade to get my bachelors because the teachers and administrators were working with my abusers to keep me from graduating. I was forced to move every 6 months to a year because nobody wanted to live with the "whore".

So each new group of people was informed and each new group of people decided to participate in coercive control and undue influence. They chose to be in control of a girl with multiple alters. They attempted to get me pregnant but it never happened. [Thank God!] Every man that I ever slept with was first solicited by my family and friends. They were often persistent until we had sex, then they disappeared.

My sexual encounters could have been worse than date rapes, but I have a male alter who's a fighter. He doesn't let physical abuse slide unless it's my parents. So after a couple ass whoopings in middle school and college, nobody else wanted to fight him.

The thing that is fucking me up right now is the psychological torture. They were obsessed with me so they think about me all the time and see me everywhere. They began to script out movies, TV shows and songs while they were interacting with me. It started out as a few things in middle school. But by time I was in my twenties, during every single interaction they were scripting lines that didn't fit the context of what we were doing.

You know that part in The Truman Show where the wife is promoting the hot cocoa? It was like that. I was so confused about the things people would say to me. (Side note. Because I was working, going to college and hanging out with my abusers, which felt like a second full time job, I never had the time to watch TV or explore music. I rarely watched anything other than movies in theaters or a few shows on Netflix. I never had a TV.)

Well, now I have a TV and they have scripted every single show and movie (well, most of them!!! Definitely the BEST ones!!). It's kinda scary to think they had so much time to do all this. I believe that some of the people who said that they had jobs, really spent their time stalking me and telling the people who I was in contact with what to say or do to act out the script.

A part of me thinks that I'm just paranoid. But that's just wishful thinking. I wish that I was paranoid and that a few pills would fix everything. But that's not the case. I'm traumatized from all the torture. And they set it up so that I can't escape them. Even after they aren't around, I can't enjoy a show without them telling me who they think I am, what they planned for me, or what they wanted for my life.

The worst part is that I can't even explain it to anyone. Everyone in my city already knows. It would be the equivalent of going to your rapist's best friend, the person who they tell everything too, and looking for understanding. It's simply not going to work.

And I don't know what people outside of my city knows. I feel like the whole world already knows though. You know why? Because people go viral so easily. And I have been isolated so I didn't catch all the viral moments. I believe that my city went viral for trafficking me and that the entire globe knows.

A popular singer from my ancestral country came to my city for a concert and they took me. The concert was for me. We arrived late and floated to the very front, right in front of the stage. It was a small venue, so no seats, but it was PACKED. Why would they let us be in front? During the concert it was just me and the artist. He was there because I had been listening to him daily, knew all his songs, and instead of hating on me, he decided to come to my city for my BIRTHDAY. It was my birthday. Nice guy, huh?

But most people aren't like him. Most hear my story and mimic my life but don't care about what happens to me. So I believe it. I believe that other Stars know because they listen to their fans. If the low lives in my city are obsessed with me, their favorites know about me.

You know, like Shay and Ariana? They know about me. Makes me want to delete myself. Where do you go when the entire globe is complicit in your torture? Do you delete yourself? Find a remote village? Fight for justice? Or become a recluse? I can't be a recluse but I can kick ass. But I can't fight thousands of people. I'm already exhausted.

[vulgrados-best]

pretend we are confessional, we will not judge

// MIND THE TWs IN TAGS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

Well man.

I fucked my teacher. What more do you want from me.

[some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat]

me reading relatable NPD posts coming across one about only showing kindness to not seem like a bad person: wait but kindness and compassion and selflessness come so naturally to me what do you mean you struggle with it? do I not have NPD after all?

my ?-8 year old self with anger issues whose entire idea of friendship is to convince people to give him attention and let him use their cool things with no desire to return the favor: uh

my 9-11 year old self still with anger issues but now having 0 friends and one attempted murder of another kid for the crime of not leaving the room because he said to: um

my 12-16 year old self actively homicidal sadistic and only not acting on those thoughts because he wants to be liked but many times trying out being cruel on separate accounts feeling no remorse for it: you sure?

my 17-20 year old self discovering that he can actually choose to be a good person indefinitely (the homicidal and sadistic thoughts don't have to be a ticking time bomb and are actually pretty easy to suppress) and carefully training himself to choose to be kind and hate the thought of hurting people and reprogramming his values to take pride in selflessness so that unnamed but observed NPD would reward such behavior: I think you forgot something

my (current) mid twenties self: hmm no I think I'm just really special and an exception to those symptoms or whatever sorry I think my NPD just makes me really cool instead <3

[mischiefmanifold]

woke up yesterday morning to a bunch of writing and highlighting an alter had done the night before

the alter signs off as "the commander"; it made a list of programs in our journal and highlighted a bunch of stuff in one of our books talking about ritual abuse

the most unnerving part of it all was that the alter used a sticky note with a message on it to get our attention; the note was "listen to us" in all caps

[nettles-vent]

Attempt to explain my internal world

The personalities: me, Billy. Dog, Lavendar, William Oliver Michael, Nate, Raven.

Means of communication: The Scoreboard. (Mental picture of a large whiteboard, presumably infinitely expanding with new additions) Notes are written down by various people when fronting when information must be shared in order to function.

Example: “talked to X at 2:30, agreed to help move house on Nov 30th. Pick up meds.”

Level of detail varies. Sometimes information is conveyed via pictures, sometimes tastes due to lexical–gustatory synesthesia. Only Raven doesn’t convey information.

I, Billy, can only speak to my experience with The Shades . Others may have the same or separate ones, I don’t know. The best way I can explain them is weathers that pass over my cognition. For the most part I voluntarily call them. The clearest ones are Silver and Porcelain. (Not personalities, as they don’t have individuality, amnesic barriers or difference from me. They are weathers I experience, like how a lake might experience frost.)

Silver is a weather, or shade, of extreme pragmatism and logic. Porcelain is a shade of deeply depersonalizing derealization. I don’t experience any others as strong or notable, though there are small ones that come and go.

There is way more but this is just what is easiest to put down in writing.