#mmanifold rambles

[mischiefmanifold]

I love it when big blogs spread misinformation about disorders that are already stigmatized and double down when they get corrected

[mischiefmanifold]

torture methods that most people don't consider to be torture

**Note that these may not be considered torture if they're one-time things or happen alone, but if one experiences more than one of these for an extended period of time they may be a victim of torture**

blackmail

humiliation (especially in front of others or in especially degrading ways such as forced nudity)

music/sound torture (playing extremely loud or overstimulating music/sounds for extended periods of time)

seclusion/isolation, or solitary confinement

sensory deprivation/overload

sleep deprivation

tickling (heavily dependent on context and duration)

withholding food, water, clothing, bathroom usage, and similar things

force-feeding

stress positions

childhood torture (which I've discussed on this blog before) is defined differently and has a different set of criteria, but these listed items (as well as many other things) are considered torture in some situations

[mischiefmanifold]

Something that has been really helpful in managing my ASPD symptoms is learning when to disengage from arguments and conversations. As I've mentioned in past posts, I struggle a lot with antagonizing others to curb my understimulation and then "poking the bear" when things are already heated. This has literally never ended well for me or the person I'm at odds with, and my failure to learn from past experiences has hurt both myself and those I care about.

I do still engage in comment sections and have conversations/debates with people, but now I acknowledge that if I feel myself getting vengeful or petty (like, "if I don't stop right now I'm gonna veer into personal insult territory and nobody wants me to be there" vengeful/petty), I can say "Hey, I don't feel that this conversation is getting anywhere and I would appreciate if it didn't devolve any further, so I will be disengaging."

This may feel avoidant and flighty to some, but it's the best way for me to avoid hurting feelings (and potentially hurting bodies, as well).

[mischiefmanifold]

do you ever make a post and then realize it makes zero sense so you sentence it to die in your drafts

[mischiefmanifold]

for anyone who's struggling to keep themselves clean from cutting, I see you and I am so proud of the progress you've made. relapses are normal, especially with addictions like self-injury.

I still get urges after being clean for almost three years. you are not a failure for still getting urges.

[mischiefmanifold]

stirring up drama with my republican family members on Facebook 🙏

[mischiefmanifold]

Also, I think the reason I don't feel I have to commit antisocial acts is because I'm not nearly as bored as I used to be.

For me, specifically, my experience with ASPD has been soul-crushing boredom that is only lessened by doing adrenaline-pumping things (like stealing and fucking with people). I also lack empathy/guilt/remorse and have a limited range of emotions. In the past, I have coped with my anhedonia by stealing (a LOT of stealing, starting before age 9), mentally fucking with people (I liked making people feel stupid), cutting myself for the adrenaline rush ("to feel something" is how I explained it to my parents and past therapists), and hurting animals.

After graduating and moving, I was so busy with college and work that I didn't really have that anhedonia in the front of my mind (because my brain was getting enough stimulation). I definitely still have it and I still notice it in my daily life, but I can't believe how much a scenery change affected my mental health.

Anyway, the point of this post is to say that people with ASPD still have ASPD if we're not actively committing antisocial acts. The entire reason I despise the diagnostic criteria so much is the focus it has on outside behavior, when the behavior is not what makes you ASPD.

[mischiefmanifold]

one of my tiktok moots made a post about how they were misdiagnosed with DID and one of the things that their DID specialist pointed out when he was being evaluated was that his dissociation levels were extremely high (much higher than the average for DID) and that most people with DID have dissociation levels that fall around the average [would like to note that all the information I have has been shared on here, I can try to find research articles but I have no promises, this post is just to share a personal observation inspired by a mutual] and that specifically piqued my interest because I've always had extremely high levels of dissociation and borderline psychotic symptoms if not full-blown psychosis in the past

idk. it makes me wonder if my therapist's suspicions are right and I don't actually have DID. I desperately need to see a DID specialist to get it confirmed (especially while I'm still on my parents' insurance) but I'm also four years overdue for a full psychological evaluation so I'll figure it out ig

[mischiefmanifold]

How Do My Autism, PDs, and DID Interact/Intertwine?

Disorders mentioned in this post: autism spectrum disorder (ASD), attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), tourette syndrome (TS), fetal alcohol spectrum disorder (FASD), dissociative identity disorder (DID), antisocial personality disorder (ASPD), narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), and schizotypal personality disorder (STPD)

(This post was requested by a mutual, I hope you find this (somewhat) helpful and I apologize for taking a million years to post it 🙃)

I have a whole host of disorders, pretty much all of which affect my personality, identity, and way I interact with the world around me. A lot of people look at the combinations of disorders I have and tell me I can't possibly have them (this is especially popular with autism and ASPD, as well as autism and STPD), when I do in fact have them and they suck ass.

To begin with, since I have DID, my other disorders vary drastically in symptoms from alter to alter. It is important to note that individuals with DID will likely only be diagnosed with other disorders alongside DID if most or all of the frequently fronting alters show symptoms and those symptoms impair the whole. Disorders like autism, Tourette, ADHD, and FASD are system-wide disorders due to the nature of their development. Personality disorders are usually diagnosed at the discretion of the therapist or psychiatrist who is doing the diagnosis.

My combination of autism, NPD, and ASPD resulted in an individual who lacks essentially all empathy, is very isolated, and is really sensitive to perceived slights or criticisms.

I have the psychopathic subtype of ASPD, which means that even if I didn't have NPD I would have narcissistic traits. Alongside heightened NPD traits, I am also more prone to violence and aggression (it is important to note that most psychopaths and individuals with ASPD are not criminals or extremely aggressive). Features of psychopathy that I display are typical antisocial behaviors (disregard for societal norms and rules, essentially), increased aggression and violence, lack of empathy and remorse/guilt, and manipulative and deceitful behaviors.

When it comes to autism and ASPD, the only real trait my presentation has in common is a lack of empathy. Communication problems can arise for individuals who have both disorders, but for different reasons (my ASPD communication problems are almost exclusively related to my disregard for others and lack of remorse; while my autistic communication problems stem from a fundamental misunderstanding of social norms, sarcasm, facial expressions, gestures, and figurative language). Individuals who have ASPD will not experience any developmental delays like autism (delayed speech, social ineptitude, etc.).

My ASPD and NPD go hand-in-hand pretty well. The earliest memory I have of exhibiting antisocial behaviors is at age 8 when I would repeatedly steal candy from my friend's school locker because I felt I deserved it more than her; the theft just escalated from there. I was very good at getting people angry with me so I could take out my anger on them.

I don't feel that my autism and NPD really have that much in common, honestly.

If you would like to learn more about ASPD, its history, and the psychopathic subtype of ASPD, please visit this site: https://psychopathyis.org/what-is-a-psychopath/

[mischiefmanifold]

late night reminder that preventing someone from using the bathroom is considered a form of torture and is on a similar level to sleep deprivation and withholding food from someone

[mischiefmanifold]

it's absolutely miserable outside and I think the weather is giving me a migraine so that sucks

[mischiefmanifold]

making posts on here and on our tiktok to prove to the host that we do in fact exist and our therapist is stupid

but hi I'm Pidge I've posted on here before and I'm tired of Mischief's bullshit so I'm going to be around more

[mischiefmanifold]

minors on tiktok are saying they have ASPD again

[mischiefmanifold]

guys I was just hit by a car

[mischiefmanifold]

just had probably the worst shift of my fucking life

[mischiefmanifold]

guys I think my tear ducts are broken or something 😭😭 they keep leaking when I'm laying down and it's really annoying