#I just love him so much the conflict portrayed inside his own head is so similar to my own

[mischiefmanifold]

I just really love characters who are fucked up in the head, memory-and-control-of-self wise

I especially love when the story goes into how conflicted the character feels and even gives us a glimpse into the battle in their own mind like ohhh my gods I can relate so much to that

[bloodgulchblog]

fuck it i woke up and thought about halo and can't get back to sleep.

i really genuinely truly, from the bottom of my heart, think that sergeant johnson is a critical character for a halo adaptation and creates a lot of opportunities.yes, he's dead. yes, he's been dead for longer than we had that character in the first place. but if halo wants to return to the story of the original three games, johnson is so so valuable.

bear with me and pretend i know a damn thing about tv for a second.

everybody loves our boy master chief, but chief is an obnoxiously difficult character to portray directly as a leading man in a medium where you cannot easily get inside his head. chief's quiet and private and focused on his work. because of that, chief's personality is a negative space that you demonstrate the most through the characters around him. the people you put around chief and have talking to him, telling him stuff, and asking him to do things are the tools you have for illustrating him so they gotta be good. cortana is the best of them, obviously, but cortana is also an AI so her perspective on the world is also very weird.

of the human characters who interact the most with chief in that period of time, johnson is by far the best and the one who has the most layers. on the top layer, johnson is charming and funny and competent and tough. game fans love and remember him because he's likable. on the deeper layers, johnson is a long-experienced participant in this war and the war that came before the aliens showed up. he knows a lot of secrets, including the vital secrets about the chief, and has conflicted feelings he carries around. he keeps his head down and his ears up, and plays dumb jarhead to protect himself and others. he has just as much crazy shit in his backstory as chief and cortana, but chief's chief and cortana is like 3 years old tops and also an ai. johnson is our adultiest adult. johnson's pretty stable, he knows who he is and what's going on, and his perspective is much less strange.

chief needs handler characters with perspectives that are easier to grasp than his. johnson is an amazing handler character for chief because johnson knows him, johnson knows why he's fucked up, and johnson is a decent dude who cares about him even though he cannot save him. if you dilate the timeline to let these two characters talk, it is easy to have johnson check on chief and have chief report back that he's fine in a way that totally shows oh, this dude's priorities are insane. you establish that johnson knows the chief and is looking out for him, and then you do a flashback that shows he has known chief since he was a teenaged child soldier? jesus, suddenly so many things click together. you don't even have to get into the details of johnson's own status as a spartan-i grad for it to work.

it doesn't stop there! johnson's also a key character if you're working with the arbiter! johnson's the first human the arbiter ever has a chance to have respect for, and johnson's smart and able to figure out how to work with him! it also makes for great parallels because johnson was there when the war with the covenant started. you don't have to shoehorn him into a situation to create a bookend, it's just there.

johnson is a likable character with a rich backstory and a nuanced perspective on events and a complex relationship to them. (oh avery johnson, you have been victim of and complicit in so much shit, how's that going for you buddy?) he's a capable action character who also works well on the quieter end, is known and involved in secrets, and can draw out interesting and important details in the original trilogy's two main characters.

also, johnson is just a genuinely cool character who deserves more and on the one hand it's probably ultimately better for the character that he hasn't changed hands a dozen times like everyone else, but on the other his death still feels like a gutpunch and a loss. so like. idk. give him something cool to do in an adaptation from the time where he's alive.

....

anyway, the punchline of this whole thing is that i think johnson is a vital character. so of course he wasn't in that tv show.

[akechis-special-case]

One thing floating around in my brain constantly is ‘What was Akechi’s mother like?’ I think about that maybe more than I should but I was left very curious. It led to me developing a headcanon version of her in my head, at least how her son perceived her – A caring woman who ended up crumbling under the pressure of society. And I have my reasons for this. 

This talks about P5R spoilers but also mentions heavy topics such as suicide and sex work (nothing in depth but a mention). So if you don’t want to read about it, don’t click any further than this.

She was certainly not an uncaring or neglectful mother, at least I don’t think that she was. Otherwise Akechi might resent her too. But he doesn’t seem to blame her for anything, nor does he seem to blame her for the situation she was in. So despite everything she probably tried her best to take care of her child, as tough as it must have been for her. 

She was a sex worker and then had a kid despite being unmarried? Surely people must have looked down on her. Japan in particular can be stigmatizing in such aspects, she must have had it tough. I like to think she was a person who suffered deeply yet did her best to hide it from her son. She didn’t want to make him worry and let him have a normal childhood. And the first few years of his life it worked yet it only became worse as time went on. Her mental state crumbled more and more until she couldn’t take it anymore. 

Perhaps it was also a conflicting time for her, especially imagining that she was probably very young. I could speculate on the reasons why she had gone down this path – Maybe she ran away from home or was kicked out at a very young age. Maybe if she was very young it would make even more sense why she went to such drastic measures. She had a child yet she couldn’t take it anymore. Maybe deep down she even blamed herself for this situation. And believing that even her son would be better off without her she went as far as she did, ending her own life.

This obviously has devastating consequences, Akechi is proof. Given that he goes all out to ploy revenge on his biological father says it all. But a part of me also wonders if he also blames himself for it and projected part of it onto Shido?

Don’t get me wrong, Shido is obviously a piece of shit and portrayed to not be likeable at all. That’s no secret and I don’t think Akechi did a full on projecting. He blames his father for his mother’s ending so the grudge is personal. However, one may also consider that not even his mother stayed in his life, probably the only person in his life he loved.

We cannot exactly say what she thought. We don’t know who she was after all and what I mentioned was speculation (I like to think that she cared for her son but who knows how she felt deep inside. Maybe she also saw it as a duty only… Not my preferred way of thinking but not impossible). But Akechi probably had a lot going through his mind in that regard, especially as he grew older. Perhaps a part of him blames himself for existing, even if he didn’t ask to be born. ‘If it wasn’t for me, mother might still be here’, a thought like that. Not just that but questioning if she ever wanted him to begin with or if he had slowly developed into a burden, if he was also at fault for her death.

Honestly, I wish that we knew more about her, even if just a little. Because these are all just speculations in the end. I’m curious which resulted in me filling the blanks. I’d give so much for just a few more crumbs to draw better conclusions. Until then I will have my headcanons (and make sure to deliver my own thoughts on her via my writing). I’m so very curious… But it doesn’t look likely that we will ever know more about her.

[captain-violence]

The mental health of our favorite bad boy and how ImaHana plays into it.

TW: Depression, mentions of abuse, mentions of self harm. Nothing super graphic? Mentions of blood near the end.

Talking to @wsknbfanaccnt is always such a delight! Thank you for listening to me rambling about my favorite ship and my favorite boys!

Check out their mental health head canons here

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay so THIS IS ALL SPECULATION AND HEADCANONS lol

Hanamiya grew up feeling like he didn't fit in anywhere. His home life was a mess. In school he was way ahead of his classmates (due to his intelligence). But not only that, he lacked basic emotion. He struggled with emotions like empathy, sympathy and contentment. He didn't find traditionally fun things for peers of his own age to be fun at all. Leading him to become a bored, grey and dull person with a feeling of emptiness inside him.

Canonically he lives with his mother. But I don't think that's the way it's always been. As a child he was exposed and subjected to violence directed at him and his mother from his father. His mother finally divorces and leaves him just before Hanamiya starts middle school. But the abuse did leave its scars on him and a strained relationship with his mother. He loved her but even with his high IQ he could never understand why she didn't leave earlier. It would have spared both of them a lot of trauma.

Hanamiya grew up with a feeling of nothingness buried deep inside him. But as he grew more emotions started to join in. Anger. Hurt. Resentment. A huge ego but a fragile sense of self worth. He is smart, but the feeling of never being good enough made him put so much pressure on himself...and the outlet to all these strong emotions bubbling under his calm demeanor? Hurting others.

Other people’s pain brought him...joy? Contentment? A feeling of satisfaction.

A quirk no one really knew about, besides Imayoshi. Because Imayoshi could read him like an open book. No matter how much Hanamiya tried to hide and push him away, Imayoshi could look deep into his soul.

Hanamiya felt like life wasn't exciting at all. Every day was just a new day that he had to go through where nothing was to happen. Hurting others was his outlet and source of excitement. Did that make him a monster? Maybe. But he finally felt something. Why would he want to stop?

Their relationship was on and off for most of high school only to rekindle in university when it turns out they chose the same school. They re-connect and fall into their relationship again.

Imayoshi always knew Makoto wasn't...good?? Inside?? That something was just not the way it was supposed to be? Sure, Imayoshi has his quirks. But he had never felt the lack of lust for life Hanamiya sometimes described. But this is Hanamiya. He is so smart, so capable. Surely he can care for himself.

And he does. Till he can't.

For finals in his second year, the pin finally drops. He had been experimenting with forms of self harm for a while. A new outlet, hurting himself instead of others. Barely left marks. Not that anyone really looked. Not even Imayoshi.

The pressure of being a genius, the perfect son, a decent partner and a good friend became too much. He always portrayed himself like he was way up there. Unreachable, untouchable. For years and years. He carried conflicting feelings inside him. Anger, hurt, resentment, anxiety, depression, mania and the cherry on top. His childhood cat had gotten sick and died. His beloved animal that had been with him for as long as he could remember. The only one who knew all his secrets, knew all his thoughts. The only thing he had ever been able to confide in and trust? Was gone. And all he got was a call from his mother. Telling him the old cat was gone and buried. He didn't get to say goodbye. That was the straw that broke the camel's back of years and years and years of poor mental health but trying to mask. Trying to appear normal. Better than normal. Perfect.

When Hanamiya missed their date and didn't pick his phone up after the 11th call. Imayoshi felt something was definitely off. Makoto was punctual and missing one or two calls wasn't uncommon but eleven? Yea. Not happening.

Imayoshi makes his way to Hanamiya's studio apartment. Unlocking the door to find everything in shambles. There's papers from schoolwork all over the floor, broken glass from picture frames. Light bulbs are shattered and there is honestly more broken things in the tiny studio than who-

le. And in the middle of the mess is a curled up Hanamiya. Hands and feet bleeding from the smashed items. Hair is a mess from where he has tugged on it.

He's quiet. Not even acknowledging Imayoshi’s in his apartment, witnessing him in this state.

It takes a good while before he's able to get Hanamiya to even look at him. Those gorgeous green-brown eyes are so empty.

Imayoshi sticks by his side, cleans up and cares for his wounds. When Hanamiya finally comes through, all he replies with is " I'm fine. I'm fine. " and Imayoshi knows he is a tough nut to crack. Stubborn.

Imayoshi takes care of him the best he can. Hanamiya is so deep inside himself that it takes days to get him to do anything but sleep.

Imayoshi sits down on the bed, putting his warm hand on his arm and says:

" I know you're going through something right now. I don't know what it is... but I'm here and you're not alone. I've known for a while that you haven't been well and maybe it's time to let someone help you help yourself. I care about you Mako-chan. I want to have you in my life. ...I don't know what I would do without you"

And call Hanamiya a sentimental fool. But hearing that from Imayoshi. He understands he needs to sort his life out.

With diagnosed ptsd, depression and aspd. He gets the help and medications he need to make himself have a better life as an adult and Imayoshi supports him every step of the way.

The end

[michaelus]

so fun fact for my public speaking class this year I had to give a speech on something I'm passionate about and why it's important to my entire class so I did mine on falsettos (slideshow attached)

"When most people think of a musical, they think of big jazz hands and kicklines and cheesy plots. What they are unaware of is how a musical can be much more than that. While big dance numbers are entertaining, music can be used to convey deep emotions and stories that just can’t be translated through regular words. Because of this, Falsettos is one of the most important musicals of our decade. It touched on topics most people in its time wouldn’t even talk about, let alone make a musical on. William Finn and James Lapine, its writers, were able to remind us that families can be much more complicated and deep than a husband, wife, and 2.5 kids. A lot of people don’t live inside that norm, yet it’s the primary one that is represented. Then you get a show like this, which explores conceited parents, difficult love stories, coming to terms with things that are hard, and coming of age. All of these are relatable topics. In this speech, we’ll get into the history, the characters, and the representation in Falsettos. “Love can tell a million stories.” This is the main idea of the show. Because there really are countless different ways a family can be. The show has some trigger warnings: AIDS, death, abuse, somewhat sexual scenes, and cursing. Also, spoilers ahead!

First, we’ll get into the history. The creation of Falsettos is rather unique compared to other musicals. It was originally a trilogy of three one-act, off-broadway musicals, all created by William Finn. All the shows take place in New York City, in the late 70s to early 80s. They center around Marvin, and him exploring his sexual identity. This is mostly what In Trousers (1978) focuses on, and how the women in his life helped him accept that. It was critically acclaimed as a flop, largely based on the topic it portrayed in its era. In the second installment, March of the Falsettos (1981), Marvin’s partner Whizzer gets more involved, and this act focuses on how their relationship affects Marvin’s ex-wife Trina and child Jason. Finally, in Falsettoland (1990), the dynamics of the family are shown much more, especially with Trina and Marvin planning Jason’s bar mitzvah. In 1992, the last two one-acts were combined into one full length show, simply titled Falsettos. (This was nominated for seven Tony awards that year!) The show had a broadway revival in 2016, which spread its popularity (and also what I’ll be referencing here). Also, the history behind the name of the musical is fascinating as well; According to a 2019 interview with SFist, Finn says he was “inspired by the idea of the falsetto — a man singing in his head voice outside his range — as a metaphor for people who exist ‘outside the normal range.’”

Next, the characters. Almost every character is a primary one, but the main character is arguably Marvin. He’s a possessive and insensitive man. He left his wife and child after realizing he wants to be with a man named Whizzer. He’s not exactly a good father and wasn’t a loving husband, but over the course of the play, his character development is prevalent and interesting to watch. Second, Whizzer is Marvin’s live-in boyfriend. According to Marvin, Whizzer is “delightful, stylish, and romantic,” but also “spiteful, sorta-kinda mean, and evil.” Marvin and Whizzer’s relationship is pretty toxic, but improves. Alternatively, there’s also Trina, Marvin’s ex-wife. She’s often described as insecure. A lot of her conflict is her coming to terms with Marvin and Whizzer’s relationship. Trina and Marvin’s son, Jason, is 10 years old, and thinks he is “too smart for his own good, and too good for his sorry little life.” Friendless, he plays chess all day, and has anger management problems. Finally, there is Mendel, the family psychiatrist. He was Marvin’s long-term therapist, but after Marvin insists Trina sees him too, Mendel immediately falls in love with her. Mendel honestly is kind of manipulative, but also a fun character to watch onstage. There’s also Charlotte and Cordelia, the “lesbians from next door.” They’re close family friends, and godparents to Jason. A large part of it is showing how real people behave, including the good and the ugly.

Now into how they’re all important as representation. The main theme is the various family dynamics and relationships- most of us can see aspects of our own families within the characters and plot. For example, in my own family my parents divorced then found new partners or remarried later and I have good friendships with them. First, there are three different types of gendered relationships as shown: a straight relationship, a gay relationship, and a lesbian relationship. Oftentimes in the media, the only kinds of relationships that are shown are straight ones. And for them to all be parents in some sort of way to Jason is even more important- it’s showing queer parents can be good ones too, which is a misconception many people hold (this is, that lgbtq+ parents are inadequate). Second, Falsettos touches on the AIDS crisis, which Whizzer contracts and later dies from. During the ‘80s it was a very big problem but now next to no one talks about it. How it’s portrayed in the show represents how it affected real families and people. Third, Jewish households. This year we all were able to read Night, which showed what Jewish people went through during the holocaust, but not what regular cultural home life is like. One of the main plot points is about Jason’s bar mitzvah, and how he’s not sure if he wants one or not. Jewish expectations and customs are brought up throughout the whole show.

To conclude, Falsettos is a fantastic installment to musical theater. It has original history, complex characters, and overall is an amazing testament to different types of American families. Not only that, its music and book are award winning, according to Broadwayworld.com. And this speech is really only the tip of the iceberg–there’s much, much more to it. Falsettos is definitely the musical you’ve been looking for!"

[chibbypanda]

Paradox Live | what the anime’s finale could’ve been…

General SPOILERS of the events that happened during the first Paradox Live.

The finale of Paradox Live the Animation was a mess.

It was a bundle of anime original ideas that were cool on paper, but felt haphazardly executed due to the show’s pacing. There is only so much twelve episodes can do, and it seemed that it wasn’t enough time to flesh out those ideas.

I can go on about my thoughts on Allen’s conflict with his father or my mixed feelings towards the unnamed scientist’s motives, but I’m here today not to burn the final episodes to the coals. Rather, I want to explore the season finale and what it might’ve been.

Before I do just that, I need to share some context.

The drama CDs implied that a major incident happened at CLUB paradox before the events of LIVE.

While the incident in question was never explicitly explained, it did cause three major events:

It made Kanata remember Nayuta’s “death.”

It revealed that Alter Trigger not only organized Paradox Live, but implied that they intended to do something to the performers.

It made the performers realize just how powerful and dangerous phantometal can be.

What made the anime stand out at the time (fingers crossed that the manga will have its own take in the future) was how it portrayed that very incident. In the anime, Alter Trigger forced Kanata to remember his repressed trauma to turn him into a phantometal vessel that will spread the metal erosion to everyone inside CLUB paradox.

The purpose? To make everyone become one with the metal. Why? I have no idea. The scientist just said that he wanted to become messiah and to strip away humanity’s pain and suffering…or something. Okay, Haruomi did comment that the scientist just wanted puppets to control so maybe the scientist wanted to take over the world. That said, considering how everyone affected would likely die as soon as the metal reaches their literal hearts…I don’t know how the mind control thing will happen.

Frankly, I don’t know if the scientist would’ve had any control of the rampage at all. He may have started Kanata’s descent to madness, but unless he has a way to actually control Kanata himself…technically the scientist’s experiment has run wild and for all we know, Kanata might’ve just devoured the entire venue with the scientist in tow.

Other than that, I have no clue of who the scientist is as a person nor understood his implied history with BURAIKAN (except how he apparently killed Chisei or directly contributed to his death). He’s just a mad scientist who happened to conduct a similar experiment ten years ago, and then decided to do it again.

There’s just so much missed potential there.

And of course, the day was saved when BAE, TCW, and AKYR gathered together to sing a friendship rap to free Kanata from his metal-induced state. The rap was well-sung and I love the lyrics. I understand the show’s intent behind its setup, though it’s a bit hard to believe that it’s what saved Kanata considering that he and the others were barely friends but anyway—I’m not here to burn them. I did that already in other places. I am here to wrap my head around the intentions of these plotlines to find a bright side. Because when I think about it, they could’ve been quite something.

This is where I get loosely philosophical.

Based on the finale’s resolution, it seemed like the show intended to hammer in the message of how music has the power to connect people in ways that are hard to see but can be felt regardless. That’s why the scientist used Paradox Live for his plan, as well as why the characters tried to reach Kanata through music.

It appeared to be a nod to the general project as it was an outlook originally said by Tsubaki, Naokira’s wife and Yohei’s friend. She believed in music’s power to connect to others which was why she saw the potential of phantometal.

To me, this line of thinking seems to be inspired by the words of German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer who wrote the following in his book, “The World as Will and Representation”:

Therefore music is by no means like the other arts, namely a copy of the Ideas, but a copy of the will itself, the objectivity of which are the Ideas. For this reason the effect of music is so very much more powerful and penetrating than is that of the other arts, for these others speak only of the shadow, but music of the essence.

The human will is defined as an insatiable force that drives people to act and move forward towards their goals, even though there’s no guarantee that this “goal” will be achieved. Thus, it becomes the “root cause of all suffering” but nevertheless the thing that makes us human. Therefore, it is said that in order to be at peace with one’s self—one needs to temporarily release themselves from the will by momentarily losing themselves to the arts—one of them being music.

With that in mind, Schopenhauer believed that out of all the arts music could pierce through a person’s will the most because it was seen as a direct representation of the human will. He believed that unlike the other art forms that could only capture the shadow of things, music can be presented as itself.

Okay, that sounds interesting, but how is it related to Paradox Live?

It might be just me, but as I said before, I think the finale attempted to implement Schopenhauer’s view on music in its anime-original finale.

For one, the scientist’s plan was already messed up as it is. He basically forced someone to relive their repressed trauma to cause a dangerous chain reaction that could claim the lives of every person the venue—or even the city if he’s not stopped. On it’s own, it’s clear why he needs to be stopped.

That said, if you look at it in a more philosophical lens, then it becomes more poignant as to why everyone—Haruomi especially since he’s the only one aware of what’s actually happening behind the scenes—was strongly against it.

As stated before, Schopenhauer believed that music can be used as a means to temporarily release oneself from the will in order to ease one’s suffering. Emphasis on temporary because while the human will can cause suffering—it is nonetheless the driving force that allows humans to overcome suffering and thus live. The arts, let alone music is never meant to be used to destroy what makes us human. It is meant to connect and inspire us to keep going—to remind us that life is worth living.

“Losing oneself isn’t salvation.”

Haruomi told the scientist during their confrontation. The scientist’s plan is the antithesis of music’s purpose. To him, it wasn’t enough to temporarily release humanity from their suffering. No, he wanted to use music to permanently strip away the human will to “save” humanity from their suffering. And by doing so, he essentially took away their will to live, and thus their sense of self. How is that any different from being dead?

There’s this other cool detail I noticed, and it’s probably there for drama and stuff, but when Kanata was turning into the vessel fake BURAKAN told him this:

“Change the world with your screams!”

On one hand, it’s villain dialogue but on the other hand it could’ve been another nod to how the scientist’s plan was the antithesis to what music is. They could’ve said, “Change the world with your song!” or somewhere along those lines. After all, Kanata’s chosen because of his music (also the fact that he won by default which is a questionable writing decision for the anime).

So why screams? If music is perceived as the closest representation of the human will, then it can be argued that Kanata lost his music the moment he lost his will to live. It kind of happened in the LIVE drama. After remembering the truth of his situation, Kanata lost his reason to live which led him to lose his reason to sing and thus he couldn’t create illusions.

Just a quick tangent, this seems reminiscent to what happened to Allen in the season finale—when he lost his ability to use illusions. Could it be that because his will has been shaken by doubt, it affected his music and thus his phantometal? If it weren’t for the choice to make cozmez win by default, then I would’ve been sold on this plotline.

In context with the anime’s finale, it seems have happened again when Kanata transformed into the phantometal vessel. By forcing him to confront the reality of Nayuta’s “passing,” Kanata has lost his reason (Nayuta) to sing or live, and by having his will snuffed out—so does his music. And by being possessed by the metal, he’s forced to snuff out the will of others in turn.

That’s why CLUB paradox was filled with static, screams, and whimpers. By using music to snuff out the will, music has unsurprisingly died with it. That sounds so cool, and I wish that the anime fleshed out that concept.

Actually, come to think of it, I wonder if the way Kanata remembered Nayuta’s “death” would have affected the severity of the incident.

In the anime, Iori made a comment that Kanata’s metal went berserk due to its owner’s memories being forcibly opened—implying that Kanata’s state of mind made the situation worse. The original project has yet to reveal how Kanata exactly remembered the truth, but the manga did show that illusion Nayuta disappeared on his own without any prompting from other forces (in the anime, illusion Nayuta disappeared because fake BURAIKAN’s pushed Kanata into a corner).

If illusion Nayuta is a piece of Kanata’s subconscious, and he disappeared in his own accord…does that mean that Kanata felt that he’s ready to let go deep down? But again, it’s still unclear if the manga will adapt its own take of the incident so whether Kanata’s mental state affects the incident itself is still up in the air.

Back at the topic at hand, there’s also the Friendship Rap—the resolution of the story. I think its main issue was in its execution because story-wise it makes sense. The show has established that music has the power to connect to others, and philosophically music is the closest representation of the human will. Therefore, gathering together to sing their hearts out in hopes to reignite Kanata’s will makes a lot of sense.

“Remember cozmez’s music and our sound!”

That’s what Allen pleaded to Kanata. By remembering the music he made with Nayuta, as well as the music that drives him to get better at his craft, Kanata was finally able to regain his sense of self.

When he was struggling near the end of Last Verse (the moments before Allen summons his phoenix illusion), I want to believe that it’s Kanata fighting the phantometal with everyone too. He wanted to live. He wanted to be saved. He wanted to face life head on, even if Nayuta won’t be there with him (Nayuta’s alive in the end, so lucky him).

And so, in the end, the scientist plot—and in turn his warped philosophy was thwarted. He was literally beaten up by Haruomi and figuratively defeated by the characters’ strong bonds (or at least, they would’ve been strong bonds if the show didn’t pace it in a way that makes it feel like a gathering of acquittances).

And that’s how I think the show would’ve been.

With more time, Paradox Live the Animation would’ve been a fun yet compelling exploration of the power of music and its connection to the human will. They could’ve fleshed out the scientist’s motives and his history with BURAIKAN, as well as show more moments of Kanata bonding with the others in order to make the Last Verse more poignant in its message of human connection.

But alas, the show is already over and we can only think about it in retrospect. Regardless, the show will always hold a special place in my heart for its quirks and I hope that a season two will be greenlit. Like please! I want more ParaLive anime content!

That’s all for now. What are your thoughts on Paradox Live the Animation? Share your thoughts in the comments below. Thanks for reading!

[sakebytheriver]

I thought this last episode of Ted Lasso was the best one all season, Brett Goldstein does seem to have a solid grasp of who Nate is and the flawed culture of the entire football environment - fans yelling at a guy to get out of a pub for wearing a different team’s jersey, players thinking physical violence is an appropriate response to to hurt feelings, etc. - and I absolutely loved that part of the episode…but the Keeley part really isn’t working for me. Keeley feels like she’s being written dumber than she used to be, not just inexperienced. Barbara’s social awkwardness is sometimes portrayed as something to point and laugh at, and her doing her job and questioning Keeley’s bad decisions seems to never end with Keeley acknowledging her point of view. Shandy’s entire thing. If this is all setup for a Keeley spinoff…I really don’t think I want to see it.

Idk if you meant Nick Mohammed has a good grasp on his performance as Nate or if Brett Goldstein is the primary writer for Nate's storyline or something, but I do think the show is doing an ok job so far showing the inner turmoil inside of Nate and how much he does want to go back to Richmond and just how much Rupert has gotten his claws in him. I didn't believe they could really turn this thing around last season, but so far I'm not wildly disappointed. I still think not addressing the racial aspects of Nate's existence as a character is a bad decision, but I also get that that's not the story they planned to write for him, ultimately I'm just disappointed that they wouldn't take the time to rework some things once they did colorblind casting and cast Nick. I did overall like most of the football stuff last episode, the Jamie and Roy training scene was great and even if they ruined it later I did like watching Shandy run her own shoot and the boys doing their little flirty spots was cute, I did also enjoy the Keeley / Jamie stuff as a Roy x Keeley x Jamie shipper who is very much living in the denial that it might happen

And also I agree. The Keeley storyline is 100% the weakest link this season,

I like all of the new female characters they've introduced, but the way they're writing Keeley and them is so awkward and clunky. It's cliche and feels very cat-fighty in my opinion and I don't enjoy that kind of stuff especially from a show that's done it's best in the past to subvert that kind of stuff so I'm really hoping that this is just the growing pains of an overarching plot thread about female friendships and the way the "Lasso" style of kindness is applied differently for a female dominated workspace rather than a male dominated one

I think the show is really bad at addressing any kind of systemic societal problem, once they utterly fumbled the bag with Sam's protest storyline which really should have taken up like an entire season's worth of conflict by writing it off as solved through one text message from his dad I kinda lost hope in the show being able to address anything more than the surface level social problems the very white liberal, but also well-meaning writing team wants to address, so I'll just cross my fingers and hope that they're going to subvert my poor expectations and flip everything on it's head

Personally, even if they didn't turn Keeley into this weird facsimile of who she used to be I don't think she's a character that can carry a spinoff. If they do a Keeley spinoff it'll last a singular season and be forgotten to the anals of TV history like Joey, sorry 🤷‍♀️

[iabookreviews]

Before the Ever After

This review is over Jacqueline Woodson's novel that won a Coretta Scott King Author award, titled Before the Ever After. I borrowed the book from my public library and read it as a physical copy. There's nothing that quite beats a heartfelt story and turning the pages to see what comes next, and I thoroughly enjoyed this novel.

Cover

Genre

Before the Ever After's genre is realistic fiction, as it's not true, but could still happen in real life.

Target Age Group

The target age group for this novel is 10-13 years old, or 5th to 6th grade.

Summary

The novel details how a young boy named Zachariah Jr., or ZJ, realizes that his reality has changed when his dad suddenly starts to act different due to all the head injuries sustained while playing professional football. The story is placed through the eyes of a child watching as a parent changes and being able to do nothing about it other than wishing how things were the same as they were before and simultaneously working through the changes being hurled at ZJ in these rough times.

Justification

Before the Ever After was selected for a review not just because of the Coretta Scott King Author award, but because the concept was fascinating. Reading the back of the book and the summary on the inside flap had me hooked. It made me wonder how something that sounds so tragic would be presented through the eyes of a child, and how a tough topic would be handled in a kid's novel. There's a steady line when it comes to children's literature of sad topics, and sometimes authors teeter on this line or even cross it, and I wondered where this novel would stand on that line.

Evaluation

The three evaluating factors selected for this review are Style and Language, Characters, and Plot.

The style of the novel is quite unique because it doesn’t contain typical chapters that provide the information in the usual novel manner. Instead, it feels like a collection of poems that tell a story. It’s a refreshing take, and it’s one that works considering ZJ’s love of music and the fact that he writes songs. There’s a rhythm to the words and the sections, and it still provides as much information as you’d get from a normal novel. The language of the novel is pleasant as well because the selection of words really sends home the point that this was written from the perspective of a child worried for his dad. There’s no words that are too complicated and it makes it feel like they’re coming from the hands of ZJ himself, it’s very refreshing.

The characters of the novel are crafted through words since there’s no illustrations to portray what they look like, but the way their traits are described are enough. Not to mention, the poems and details, small comments exchanged between the characters of the novels as well as being about them also add to building character. Overall, they feel incredibly realistic because they all have their flaws. No one is pictured as perfect, and the only time there’s a clue to that happening is when ZJ is reminiscing on how his dad used to be. They have their own strengths too, such as ZJ with music and his friends for being reliable and there for each other when they need to be. The realness of them doesn’t make them bland though, because they have their own unique aspects that make them stand out.

Finally, there’s the plot of the story. The conflict is present in the form of ZJ’s dad changing and having issues with memory, migraines, and behavior, and ZJ having to accept and adapt to the change. The story follows along his journey of recognition, acceptance, and relying on those close to him to help him with the change. However, the presence of a big “yes or no” question presented at the beginning of the novel appears to be absent in my opinion. This question could be asking if ZJ’s dad is or will be okay, but it’s unclear. A smaller detail noticed is that there’s no solid resolution and is instead left up in the air if ZJ’s dad will be alright or not. The novel seems to end with the author’s note to detail what was happening to ZJ’s dad, but as for the story, it’s essentially left with an open ending.

References

Woodson, J. (2020). Before the Ever After. Nancy Paulsen.

[anashins]

Hi Mina.

I have been following you for a long time and read your stories multiple times. I just wanted to tell you that you are a very talented writer. I love your portrayal of the conflicted feelings revolving around love. Keep up the good work!

Also you asked for requests. Uh, how much time do you actually have, because my mind is filled with ideas. But if I were to name one person, I think you will be able to write really well, it is Doyoung. Hear me out okay. This is obviously my take on his personality and in no way the exact truth. I feel like Doyoungs heart is too big for his own good and he cares so much about those he love. He will show it through actions, but he can be in his head a lot and overthink things. Basically that’s how I see part of him and I just really enjoy the angsty, fluffy and (ahem *wriggle wriggle eyebrows*) writing of yours. It would to nice to see your take on another member.

Oh, or a funny Johnny story of some sort where his brazen cheekiness pops out alongside his cuddly teddy bear persona (and *cough* personal *cough* stripper).

Anyway I’ll stop now. I look forward to your new stories and PS loved your recent short Jaehyun work!

Hiiii anon! Thank you for your patience with my reply, I hope you still read this 🥹 Ah, this is one of the messages that really touches something deep inside of me because yes, yes, yes! That's exactly what I want to portray with my stories: conflicting feelings in different settings revolving around love. I'm so happy my readers see this, so thank you so much! 🤍🤍🤍

I totally get what you're saying about Doyoung and Johnny! But I just can't come up with plots of my own, I'm just too Jaehyun-Taeyong-coded, I'm so sooooooorry 😭😭 If you or someone else have something specific in mind, shoot me a request and I'll do it for you for sure 🔛🔝

[musiclovingmoth]

types of scientist each pkmn prof would be irl as seen by a biology major

1. professor oak

according to bulbapedia, oak concentrates on the relationships between humans and pokemon- seems like an animal behavior scientist and professor! definitely also a famous scicommer since he hosts a radio show across kanto and johto! probably the bill nye of the pokemon world at this point. what if he was this Friendly Science Man all the 90s-2000s kids knew and like 20 years later he goes on a late night show and delivers this swear-filled rant on the global biodiversity crisis and how people need to keep their meowths and liepards inside

2. professor elm

elm gives me HEAVY recent postdoc vibes. i love how his hgss artwork portrays him to be a klutz. he’s so busy and frazzled he forgets to eat. see my post about how like half the men in biology i know look like this man. it’s also fun seeing professors who have families of their own, i like hearing tidbits here and there about their spouses and children. the *lore.* i don’t think he’d be to the level of maes hughes but when he like squeezes in a tiny thing about his wife or kid during lecture or to other members of his lab people can’t help but be like aww. he just seems wholesome! since he’s credited with the discovery of pokemon eggs, he probably would study reproductive/evolutionary developmental biology (one of my fav subjects!).

3. professor birch

(disclaimer: i have not played rse/oras) the only thing i know about this guy off the top of my head is how you get to pick your starter only because he’s getting chased around by a poochyena in the field. i love this fieldwork mishap energy. look at him, he’s wearing sandals and shorts into TALL GRASS. himbo scientist vibes, even tho those things kind of conflict. according to bulbapedia, he specializes in... HABITAT AND DISTRIBUTION?? oh my god also one of my loves. one of the phd students i work with who also kinda studies distribution once fell into a >6 ft soil pit doing field work. if birch is getting chased around by wild animals as a professor, i can only imagine the shit he got himself into as a grad student.

4. professor rowan

one of the oldest professors at the school, to the degree where everyone considers him an enigma and takes his classes at least partly out of curiosity as to what he’s like. most people say the same thing, which is that he seems really scary at first but basically he’s just grandpa! has office hours that somehow work for everyone and has a huge bowl of candy at his desk. if you go, he’ll encourage you to take some and he’ll probably also take and eat one during your meeting. as per bulbapedia, literal evolutionary biologist. i feel like all the pokemon professors are somewhat of of evolutionary biologists by their trades, which may make rowan the Big one out of all of them. maybe neil shubin-level famous...

5. professor juniper

ONE OF MY FAVS!! i love her energy so much. she also gives me recent postdoc vibes but i could also see her as the weird (in a good way!) and spunky pi (principal investigator, basically the research manager) of her own lab. definitely active on scitwitter where she keeps up with the latest papers and advocates on academic issues. specializing in the origins of pokemon sounds a lot like an evolutionary biologist to me, though again i feel like all the professors are to an extent because “evolving” is pokemon’s thing. probably also works a lot with extremely old fossils, maybe from around the cambrian. if so, that definitely makes her an invertebrates person, my favorite kind of person (the lab i work with is full of them and they’re all wonderful). ohh maybe she even does research on the jump from unicellularity to multicellularity! definitely a close colleague of rowan, maybe even a former student!

6. professor sycamore

god if this man ever did a guest lecture or visiting professorship at a foreign university (like in “america” vs. “france”) everyone would go fucking nuts. his classes would fill up instantly. he teaches like. an introductory course on cell bio and there’s a not-insignificant portion of students there who are upperclassmen. i don’t really remember much from xy but that letter he leaves as a young man to his future self is very nice, i think he’d be a very supportive advisor/mentor and would be great at encouraging underclassmen to take their time and pursue their dreams. studying mega evolution, an instantaneous temporary change, reminds me of phenotypic plasticity, which is when individual organisms can change physical form in response to environmental stimuli. a really cool topic!

7. professor kukui

another professor where everyone signs up to take his classes. i feel like his chill yet enthusiastic attitude make him a good candidate to teach gen bio for freshmen, he’d be a great communicator and also probably puts actual good memes in his lectures. i feel like on the about page of his class/professional website he’d have this professionally-done photo of the masked royal, not even one some other fan took at a match, and it would be captioned “i’m a big fan of the masked royal! check out this sick picture i got of him” and he’d just do such a terrible job of hiding the fact that it’s him. i think due to the rigors of academia, it would be a retired thing he used to do, but the new students all lose their minds when they find out about it. WHAT IF HE TOLD EVERYONE A SURPRISE GUEST LECTURER WAS COMING IN AND IT WAS JUST HIM AS THE MASKED ROYAL AND HE MADE A BIG DEAL OUT OF HOW “HE AND KUKUI ARE FRIENDS” BUT EVERYONE KNEW BUT STILL WENT WILD ANYWAY. an irl analog to studying pokemon attacks... maybe the specific defense/attack mechanisms of a specific group or species. he likes rockruff and lycanroc right? maybe he’s also a behavioral biologist who studies how wolves hunt in packs and how their sociality evolved.

8. professor magnolia

(disclaimer: i have not played swsh) since she studies dynamax, she might also study phenotypic plasticity. apparently her work on it was so influential it started the trend of using it in big flashy galarian stadium battles, so she probably travels to do guest lectures a lot and it’s a BIG DEAL wherever she goes! uhhh idk what “galar particles” are? sounds like molecular or cell biology. oh maybe she studies differences in metabolism between form changes and what physiologically changes to keep up those different structures.

[anonquack]

| Take Care |

Alex Quackity x Reader, Oneshot!

Word Count: 3501

Warnings: None, a little bit angsty. This takes place in the past !! so technology is not necessarily available yk?

Summary: Being with Alex means sneaking out, it means risking getting caught, it means, lying to your parents.. but it's worth it in both of your eyes. After getting caught, you two must find a way to keep in touch and keep the relationship thriving.

You'd been staring out the window for what felt like hours now. Watching as the dark blues morphed into oranges and light blues. The idea of being able to see him soon kept you up the whole night. Last you'd seen him had been about 3 days ago, before he told you he'd be off at his grandparent's house, and wouldn't be back until the weekend.

That's why you watched the sunrise with such urgency. As soon as there was light outside, it meant he was back home. It meant seeing him again.

The bright light that slowly infiltrated your room brought a light sting to your eyes. Perhaps staying up late enough to see the sun rise wasn't the best idea, but there was no other way to calm your nerves.

As the sun found its place in the sky, and the sound of nearby roosters filled your ears, you couldn't help but feel tingles throughout your whole body. The clock was ticking, and it was ticking fast. You'd get to see him before you knew it.

Once you deemed it a reasonable time to be out of bed, you got up and headed to the kitchen in search of something to eat. Something to truly help get the day started.

The food you served yourself wasn't even properly enjoyed, far too focused on what you'd wear once you headed back up to your room. How you'd dress yourself in preparation for seeing him again after what felt like an eternity.

After breakfast and a quick look through your closet, you found yourself patting and dusting yourself off to ensure you looked presentable, pleasant to the eye. One look in the mirror and you deemed yourself ready to head out and towards where you and Alex usually met.

On your way to the front door, a loud voice demanded your attention, asking where you were off to in such a hurry. You excused yourself, telling them you were on your way to meet a friend. And yes, you'd eaten breakfast already. After a quick nod of approval, you were on your way out of the house.

-

You didn't think you'd ever speed walked somewhere as fast as you'd done just now. Urgency in each of your steps, eagerness pouring out of you with each exhale.

But the tree was empty. He was nowhere in sight. Perhaps you'd gotten here too fast, eagerness leading to you being too early. That made sense.

Taking a seat on the grass, you waited patiently to see if he'd show up. Of course he would. Meeting up at this tree had become your thing. If he ever needed to find you, he'd find you here. Vice versa.

It didn't take long before he appeared before you, in all his glory. Your eyes scanned him shamelessly. You'd missed the sight of him. And it had only been three days.

Clean slacks, suspenders resting nicely on top of his white button-up shirt. The three buttons left undone at the top allowed his collarbones to be on display, even if just a little. It also exposed his honey-like skin to the world. And his shoes, slightly dirty from the dirt path he'd taken to get to where you two found yourselves now.

Truly a sight to behold. You stood to your feet, smile growing instantly. He smiled back before you found yourself engulfed by his arms, head tucked neatly under his chin.

"How was the visit?" You finally asked after minutes of staying in the embrace. He began to tell you, later slipping into different conversation.

"I missed you." He mumbled into your hair, to which you responded by nuzzling your face into his chest.

He was leaning against the tree with you placed between his legs, back resting on his chest. His fingers moved slowly against your hair, and you worried sleep would finally catch up with you after staying up all night.

"How'd you manage to come out here?" He asked, sending a smile your way and breaking you out of the relaxing trance his fingers had left you in.

You couldn't help but smile back before shrugging slightly. "Just told them I had to meet with a friend."

"Lying to your parents, hm?" He raised an eyebrow, making a small 'tch' sound and shaking his head. "What if they find out?"

Your body visibly stiffened at that. "They won't, unless you tell them." You carefully positioned yourself so you were sitting facing him now. Perhaps your tone came out more serious than you'd intended, considering the conflicted look that now rested on his face.

"Why can't we just tell them we're together?" His tone was telling of how he felt. Exasperated, tired of hiding. You wanted to laugh at how insane the idea sounded, but his face told you it wouldn't be appropriate. He was serious.

"You know how they'll get." You stated softly, reaching for his hands and gently beginning to play with his fingers.

He bit the inside of his cheek, not moving his hand away, but clearly still upset.

You hated this as much as he did. Having to sneak around just to see him, lying to your parents about your whereabouts, it was all so tiresome. But it was necessary.

Your parents had freaked out at the idea of you two even being FRIENDS. You imagined they'd die of a heart attack or send you off if they ever found out.

Once you two had clearly understood that your parents weren't fond of it, he offered to meet at his place instead.

Turns out his parents weren't very fond of you either, and you never went back. It simply wasn't working out, but neither of you were willing to put an end to the relationship.

And that's how you ended up here. Lying to parents, meeting up at a tree, hands entangled and gentle whispers of the near future where you'd be able to be together, without any worries.

Even if seeing his pouty face broke your heart, you knew you couldn't tell your parents, or vice versa. It wouldn't end your problems, but rather create more. He didn't seem to understand that though, and it led to these conversations every single time.

"Soon." You stated firmly, hands moving to cup his face and leave a small kiss on his cheek. "I promise."

-

Although the reality that your relationship was forbidden hung over your heads daily, you both still tried to enjoy your time together as best as you could. And yes, that meant dates.

He'd come up with the idea of painting together, and you couldn't really refuse after seeing how proud of himself he was. He'd suggested you two meet by the tree with paint supplies and some extra cash for an ice cream cone or a snack after. It seemed perfect.

When the day came, you found yourself seated by him with your fresh canvas and the small containers of paint located beside you two, small brushes ready to do as your hand commanded.

The paintings had started off fairly well, him drawing what seemed like a street in town with people passing by and a pretty sky on display.

"Is that where we got our ice cream?" You asked curiously as you stared at his painting. It felt oddly familiar and warm. It amazed you how well his art was able to portray and give off such emotions.

He smiled and nodded. "That street is really pretty, so colorful." He explained, setting his brush down momentarily. "Plus, I have a lot of good memories there."

You smiled back, "Me too. It looks so pretty, Alex." You reached over to gently squish his cheek, which only made him let out a laugh before he began to question you about your own art.

After some time, both paintings were set aside to dry and you two were left with one blank canvas and an abundance of red paint. It'd been the least used in both of your creations.

You both looked at each other, and you instantly recognized that mischievous look in his eyes. "What‐?" You asked, to which he only smirked before pointing at the canvas.

"Well, we wouldn't want the canvas to go to waste.. right?" He received no response beside your wary stare. "How about we paint our hands red and put them on there? Wouldn't that be cute? We could add our little signatures on it as well."

The idea was extremely incriminating. Red paint. A canvas that had BOTH of your names on it? It was never a good idea. But he had his ways of getting others to say yes.

"If you're worried about getting caught, we can wash our hands really good to get it off. And one of us can hide the canvas in our rooms." He was so convincing, and he looked so so cute.

"Fine. But we can't wait around too long or else the paint will dry! So let's hurry." You finally responded, to which he let out a celebratory yell before coming closer and grabbing the red paint and pouring it onto his hand carefully. You did the same, and soon both of your hands were plastered onto the canvas.

It was cute, just like he'd said, and it was even cuter once he'd lazily written his name and yours under the handprints. You couldn't help but stare as he focused on adding a small little heart between the two handprints, his tongue sticking out in concentration.

Once he was done, he sat up properly and shot you a smile, to which you responded by impulsively pulling him in close for a kiss. He responded almost immediately, arms carefully wrapping around your waist as to not leave paint on your clothes. You'd done the same once you gently wrapped your arms around his neck to deepen the kiss.

Every single date you two went on only solidified your feelings for him, and made them so much stronger. He was lovely, full of ideas, and so kind. He was perfect, but your parents would never see that. You pulled away from the kiss, only for him to pull you back in after letting you both breathe. No complaints from your part.

But definitely from your parents. You both heard a loud gasp, which had you pulling away from him within seconds. To your demise, your parents were both stood a few feet away with shock and disappointment plastered on their faces.

You both stumbled onto your feet, the words failing to leave your mouth as you tried to explain what they'd just witnessed. You felt lightheaded. How was any of this real?

"You know, the neighbor told me you'd been snooping around with a nobody, but I never took them seriously. I trusted you knew better." They spat angrily.

It suddenly made sense. The stares from the neighbor everytime you left the house and sneakily made your way to the tree. Or when he'd 'carefully' come drop you off at your house after being out all day, hidden by the night sky. Or so you two thought.

You felt numb, unable to create any sort of excuse as to why you were with him. Saying you two were friends wouldn't work, considering they'd walked in on you two kissing. And the canvas that lay between you two with handprints, signatures and hearts. There was no fixing this.

"We were going to tell you, but we knew you wouldn't approve." You finally mustered up, voice trembling in fear of the consequences. Alex was frozen in shock as well beside you.

"You've completely lost my trust." One of them said, shaking their head before looking directly at you, as if giving him a single glance would kill them. "I don't want you near this young man again, do you hear me?"

He looked hurt, but most of all he looked angry. Angry that they wouldn't just let you two be. Who were you hurting by being together?

"Not as long as they live under my roof. Now let's go." They stated just as firmly, a strong grip on your wrist and pulling you towards home, daring him and you to deceive either of them. You two were fighting a losing battle.

"They have every right to make their own decisions." He tried to state firmly, but the slight tremble in his voice was too noticeable.

"Wait. At least let me say goodbye." You pleaded, knowing they wouldn't hesitate to send you away as soon as you got home.

They let go of your wrist and you made your way over to him. You couldn't help it as the tears began to well up in your eyes. This was exactly what you feared, and it had come true.

"I guess we got caught.. red-handed." He stated after a moment of silence. His comment took you by surprise, and you couldn't help but laugh at his ability to crack a joke no matter the situation.

The tears that were threatening to spill from his eyes became more noticeable the closer you got, frown etched onto his beautiful face. Unacceptable, really.

Your eyes fell down to both of your hands that had red splotches all over them, along with the accidental red drops all over some of your clothing. "I guess we did." You finally responded. Red hand reaching for his. "I love you so much, okay? This isn't the last you're seeing of me."

"I wouldn't allow that anyway. I'm not giving up on you." He whispered back, knowing there was curious ears nearby. It was a promise neither of you would break.

Even if you were getting pulled away after too long of a goodbye. Even if the canvases were left forgotten on the grass to dry. Even if it was prohibited.

No matter what.

-

It had gone just as you thought. You were prohibited of meeting with him, and stripped from multiple other privileges. It made no sense why they cared so much, but they did.

A promise was a promise though, and you'd managed to sneak out a few times to see him during the first few months. Each second of the meeting was bittersweet, a reminder that the moment would end sooner than later constantly there. On edge of who was nearby or if anyone had spotted you two. Horrible.

After a few of those, they'd gotten stricter, and it was harder to leave the house. It led to you resorting to writing letters. It was the only other form of communication. The house phone was an absolute no, far too risky. So you often found yourself in your room, writing letters to him about missing him and how it didn't feel the same without him around.

Everytime the mail came, you were the first to receive it. Looking for any letters from him. Taking it before any curious eyes could notice your eagerness to check the mail.

Your days were spent in bed, reading and re-reading the letters he had sent. Waiting for the next to come in the mail. It made you yearn for his company, his touch, him. The days passed with only letters from him and your own memory to remind you what he was like.

It was painful being away from him, and you couldn't really remember exactly how long it'd been since you last saw him, but one thing kept you sane. Kept you from losing faith of seeing him again. It was the promise you two had made the night your parents found out.

He wasn't going to give up on you, and you surely wouldn't give up on him either. Even if it'd been months since you last saw him. Many repetitive months of writing letters, busting missions just to get to them before your parents did, and spending your time daydreaming about him.

It would all work out in the end. It had to. You'd both make it work.

No matter what.

-

You really didn't know how long it'd been at this point, since you'd last seen him. But you knew exactly when the letters stopped coming.

It'd been exactly 6 weeks and 4 days since the last letter of his came in the mail. You'd sent one back not too long after, but he hadn't returned one to this day. Usually his letters came 3 days later, the latest.

You couldn't help it whenever your mind wandered to the possibilities of why the letters stopped coming. Every sick idea that entered your mind seemed possible. It'd been far too long since you'd last seen him.

You had no way of knowing if he was healthy and thriving, if he'd gotten sick recently, or if his parents had found out about the letters. Even worse, if he had moved on by now.

It made you sick to your stomach just thinking of it all. Had you done something to upset him? Maybe you were bitching too much in your letters and he'd grown tired of you. Maybe the tone of your words were far too longing for him.

You had no way of knowing. No way of confirming your thoughts.

No matter how many weeks passed, you desperately clung onto the hope that a letter would come. Surely, eventually, and it would explain his absence. It would come if you believed hard enough.

But 6 weeks became 10, and then it became 15. 15 weeks without him, without any response. No knowledge of his whereabouts or well-being.

"What about the promise we made each other?" Is something you'd asked yourself frequently over the last 15 weeks, but no answer. At least not one you wanted to hear or even acknowledge.

You sat at your desk now, fresh sheet of paper ready next to your pen. You couldn't keep living like this. In suspense and longing.

The guilt was eating at you as you wrote 'Dear Alex,' onto the page, but the reminder that he was the one that hadn't written back helped ease the growing pain in your chest.

He hadn't kept his promise. He'd broken it after 15 weeks of not responding. You'd waited around for so long, but who knows if he'd moved on and left you behind, or whatever else could've happened.

Your hand froze, gently biting at the inside of your cheek, too scared to truly put an end to this. But it was necessary. It's what you needed in order to be able to breathe properly again, to sleep well at night, to stop the ache in your chest.

The times you'd been out in town with your parents, there was no sight of him. You'd visited the tree a few times since the last letter came in, and nothing.

You had to let him go, just as he had let you go.

'I don't know what happened to cause you to stop writing to me, but I've had enough time to speculate and overthink the answer to that.'

You paused. If this would be the last letter you wrote to him, you didn't want it to sound so bitter. You still loved him, and he was your first love. You could never truly hate him. But you had to let go. How to convey that in a single letter?

'I can only hope that you're holding up alright. I've missed you dearly since the last letter you wrote to me, and I hope you know that I truly do love you. Far too much for my heart to handle.'

'Which is why this is the last letter I'll be sending you. For my wellbeing, for my mental health. I can't sit here and worry for you every single day. I tried waiting around for you, but it seems you've given up on me before I could even think of giving up on you.'

'I will keep the memories we made in my heart and mind always, and I hope your memory of me is fond, and that you loved me as much as I loved you.'

'Thank you so much for making these the most wonderful years of my life. I'll forever remember you fondly. I wish you the best in life and in health.'

You paused. Was this enough? You didn't want to overwhelm him, if he even did end up reading your letter. One last look through the letter and you let out a small sigh. This was it. You just had to sign it, package it nicely into its envelope, and send it off to him.

In hopes that he'd receive it, read it, and that it would bring peace to your heart. Even if it meant not knowing of him anymore. You could only hope.

You wiped your eyes, a small smile on your face, a hushed "Thank you" escaping your lips as you finally signed near the end of the page,

'Take Care' .

[princeescaluswords]

Funny that the characters expected to do things for free (Scott, Deaton, Braeden) are all people of color. Scott is demonized for even considering keeping the deadpool money which can be argued is his after they made attempts on his life and how it comes from the family that upturned his young life and caused so much pain. Braeden is portrayed as an assassin without morals who dares to haggle with two rich white men about her prices and props her feet up on their precious Italian table in a barren high rise apartment. In the case of Deaton, he *has* done things without payment from the Hales or Argents, including but not limited to flying to Japan and Russia on his own dime, providing ketamine to the pack so they could tranquilize Jackson which could've cost him his license and business and maybe earned him jail time (especially if Jackson's parents found out and his rich lawyer dad sued him to hell and back), and his role of emissary. But Derek and Peter are entitled by birthright to money without having to work for it. They don't actually have to do any protecting of town but bear the surname Hale.

There have been several incidents in the last month where I've heard about conflicts over whether the discussion of racism when it comes to fandom motivations is necessary, accurate, or fair. I'm sure you realize that I believe that it is not only accurate and fair, but it's also absolutely necessary.

Nothing, to me, shows the need to discuss racism in this fandom space than the need for Peter stans to turn Alan Deaton into Peter Hale's archnemesis, a schemer in shadows whose malignancy pervades the story in his role as Sinister Tree Wizard.

We've all seen post after post defending the right of fandom to favor villains, even villains who murder and betray their own families, prey upon teenagers, whose barrel has no bottom. They all say that they just love him because he's sexy and funny and doesn't give any fucks, but they also defend themselves by saying that they recognize he's a villain and would never try to erase what he's done.

Except they do. Eventually, they'll begin to attack his victims by proving how they deserved what he did to them. Eventually, they will get around to excusing Peter's behavior by concocting elaborate fantasies, such as the Left Hand. Eventually they will transform the villain they love into ... not a villain. But in order to do the thing they stated they wouldn't do, they have to find someone to blame his crimes on. Isn't it funny how that, in this fandom, it often turns out to be the nearest character of color.

In Peter's case, this is often Alan Deaton, even though these two characters interacted in a hostile manner only once on the show, in Code Breaker (1x12). Deaton chose to protect Scott, a wounded teenager, from Peter, a violent murderer.

Then again Deaton also warned Derek about his uncle (which Derek chose to ignore) after Peter had used Derek to come back to life in Fury (2x10).

Deaton: She was right. And I have some advice that you need to listen to very closely right now. What Peter managed to do doesn't come without a price. He'll be physically weak, so he'll rely on the strength of his intelligence, his cunning. He's gonna come at you, Derek. He'll try to twist his way inside your head, preying on your insecurities. He'll tell you that he's the only way you can stop Gerard. Do not trust him.

I can see why people think of Deaton as Peter's nemesis, if you think that Deaton was trying to poison Derek against Peter. But here's the funny thing -- Deaton was 100% right. Everything Deaton warned Derek Peter would do, Peter did. We watched him do it.

As a digression, here's another hilarious thing about this particular scenario. You know how parts of the fandom go ballistic when they think about how Scott McCall is the worst person ever because he violated Derek's physical autonomy to defeat Gerard at claw point in Master Plan (2x12)? Where's the outrage for Peter violating rape-victim Derek's physical autonomy in Party Guessed? I've never seen it.

But back to Deaton. When they're not arguing that he must have planned to steal the Hale Spark for Scott -- without ascribing a method or a motive -- they're accusing him of not doing enough to save the Hale family or, worse, being actively involved in the plot against them. Even though we learned how the Hale fire happened and who was responsible, and even though we learned that the Hales -- even Peter -- trusted and relied on Deaton, as evidenced by Visionary (3x08).

Cora: And did she give you good advice?

Stiles: Actually, yeah.

Peter: That's what they do. That's what Deaton used to do for Talia.

Now I know anything is possible in fanfiction, but if you look closely at Sinister Conspirator Deaton stories, you'll find something strangely missing in 99% of them. Deaton is never given a motive for being Peter's or the Hales' enemy, and he seldom derives any benefit from his schemes. He does it for a nebulous 'power' that he never uses.

It's like they don't need to give Deaton a reason to betray the Hales, to break his promise to the woman he loves, or to be hostile to the people he canonically helps repeatedly. There's something about Deaton that makes him fandom's premium suspect for being the true darkness in Beacon Hills. I wonder, oh I wonder, what that could be?

And they better not damn say "Stiles didn't trust him!" because Stiles didn't trust Derek and he didn't trust Peter and he didn't trust Isaac and he didn't trust Liam, but they aren't turned repeatedly into the secret evil of Beacon Hills. He was right about Peter and Theo, but the narrative showed us he was right about Peter and Theo.

The inescapable truth is that when Peter stans (and Stiles stans and Derek stans) look for someone to blame for not getting what they wanted from the narrative, there is a reason they settle on Deaton (and Scott and and Braeden and Morrell). It's not clues in these character's behavior, it's not the clues from the narrative, and it's not even a fully-developed alternative universe.

BUT IT'S NOT RACISM.

[lightsovermonaco]

Water Weight (NSFW Max Verstappen)

Masterlist

Dual credit for this idea goes to my beta as always, @acollectionofficsandshit thank you my love!

“You watching from the garage today?” Max asks from the tiny bathroom. His fireproof underlayer lay in a pile just outside the alcove, his boxers quickly joining. Weigh-ins were simultaneously your favorite and most dreaded event of race day. On one hand, you got to imagine Max naked. On the other, the thought always wound up distracting you for hours afterwards. 

You flop back on the couch and pull out your phone in effort to distract yourself. If you glanced up, you would be able to see his bare ass reflected in the mirror of the door he neglected to close. “I will, but I’m not going out there right away. I’ll stay in the aircon until I have to.” Max swore softly, his hand darting out to snatch the clothes back. 

“What’s up?” You put a hand over your eyes, not trusting yourself to hold your nerve. The creak of the floor tells you he’s rejoined you in the main room, safely clothed. You drop your hand and pause.

“I’m overweight,” He says, emerging in his boxers. Well, that was a shock. You hadn’t expected to see quite so much golden, toned skin. Before you can stop yourself, your eyes drift to the planes of his chest, trailing down his stomach to the defined v that disappears under the cotton.

This was dangerous territory.

Oblivious, Max continues, “Only by a couple ounces of water weight but with all the gear… Guess I’ll have to work up a sweat before the official weigh-in.”

“I can help,” You blurt, the words bubbling out before you can think about what they imply. You clamp a hand over your mouth as Max freezes, turning to you. You could practically feel the years of friendship washing down the drain with those three syllables. 

Fuck.

Max opens his mouth, then closes it again. Your heart hammers against your ribs, stomach turning sour. Max was your best friend; you sure as hell didn’t want to lose him because of a dumb crush.

A pink tinge tints Max’s cheeks. “Are you suggesting-?”

“I mean if you want-”

He closes the distance between you in two strides. Your eyes snapped up to his face. If you just looked straight ahead-

“I do,” Max murmurs, so low you’re sure you misheard him. You laugh, attempting to negate the tension rippling between the two of you. A hand flexes at his side like he’s trying to restrain himself. Your heart speeds up so quickly you’re sure it could out pace his car. 

Your breath stutters as his fingertips brush your cheek. “I… I was just…” Fuck, you couldn’t even get the words out. Five pinpricks of lightning occupy your senses, short circuiting your brain. The simple touch carried so much… adoration. No, it was more than that. Love, maybe?

Blinking rapidly, you banish the thoughts. No way. You were Max’s friend, nothing more. But…

“I really hope you weren’t about to say ‘joking.’”

You realize his fingers haven’t moved from the curve of your jaw. All you can manage is a shake of your head. It was what you were about to say, but not what you wanted to say. 

Agonizingly slow, Max lowers himself to his knees before you so you are eye to eye. His hand slides to the back of your neck, his gaze falling to your lips.

“Tell me to stop,” He whispers, inching his face closer to yours. Your eyes flutter shut, a hand eagerly gripping his bicep.

“Never.”

And fuck, the moment his lips finally touch yours, every doubt you’ve ever had about his feelings for you vanish. It’s all portrayed in the tightening of his fingers in your hair, the way his tongue prods your lower lip, begging to be set free. His free arm crushes you to his chest as you open for him, setting yourself free. The first brush of your tongue against his has you sighing.

It feels so… Natural. Like it was meant to be all along, and every heartbreak endured along the way had only served to make the end so much sweeter. Desperate, your hands travel the valleys of his muscled back, determined to commit each curve to memory. 

Max stands, his grip on your waist propelling you upward. Stumbling towards the bed, you fumble with the buttons of your shirt. Dammit, why did you have to choose today to wear something nice for once?

Impatient, Max grips each side of the shirt and pulls. Buttons fly and you stare at him, gaping. “I liked that shirt!”

“Weigh in is in 20 minutes, no time,” He mumbles, tossing the useless fabric across the small space. The stupid hopeful grin on Max’s swollen lips turns your knees to jelly, allowing him to guide you onto the bed easily. He slots his hips between your spread knees, bodies fitting together in perfect bliss.

Kissing your bare abdomen, he pauses when his fingers reach the hem of your shorts. Despite the need raging in his expression, he forces himself to wait. But fuck, do you wish he would just take it. 

“Yes,” You say firmly. It sets him free, deft hands making quick work of tearing the shorts off you. His lips find your jaw as he slips off his boxers. He braces his forearms on either side of your head. You can feel his cock against your thigh, your toes curling.

Again he hesitates. There’s a conflict raging in his eyes. All you want to do is be his peace.

“No going back,” He says breathlessly. You wrap your arms around his neck. How many times had you imagined this moment in the years you’ve pined for him? How many times had you slept with other men and imagined it was him? How many times had his name slipped from your tongue when you had your own hand between your legs?

“I don’t want to go back,” You assure him, placing a soft kiss to those lips you’ve always dreamed about. He still doesn’t move, even though you can see the desperation written on his face.

“Fifteen minutes to weigh in,” You tease lightly. That snaps him out of wherever his mind had wandered, his grin returning. He rolls his hips, easing his cock between your slick folds. The sound that escapes you is one of pure ecstasy. Your imagination could never live up to the way he fits so perfectly inside of you, stretching you just enough to know that he was meant for you.

Your name tumbles from him again and again as he moves, slow at first. His movements quickly build up to his hips snapping against yours, the rickety bed creaking beneath you. Words escape you; all you know is the feeling of sweat-slicked skin beneath your fingers as they dig into his back, surely leaving red lines behind.

Heels digging into the back of his thighs, you encourage him to go harder and faster. After all, weigh in is in ten minutes. His thrusts become sloppier, his hips angling to hit that blissful spot inside of you, sending white hot sparks through your veins.

Pleasure crescendos, and you whisper, “I- I’m gonna-”

Max crushes his lips to yours, swallowing your moan as you shatter around him. He keeps moving as you come down from your high, pulling out seconds before he spills himself on your bare stomach.

He collapses beside you, chest heaving. “Damn.”

You laugh, using your now trashed shirt to clean yourself up. “You gonna make weight now?”

“I would bet that I will.” Max props himself up on an elbow to gaze down at you. He seems lighter than you’ve ever seen him. He checks the clock, pressing another quick kiss to your temple before getting up. “Gotta go. See you after the race?”

“I’ll be here, since I no longer have anything to wear.”

His laugh rumbles over your skin, leaving goosebumps in its wake. “Wear one of mine.”

I may never recover from this, so thank you. I also never want to recover from this either. Post it, post it right now.

[idanit]

possibly underappreciated Good Omens fics I enjoyed once upon a time

Indirectly inspired by a video series about fanfiction I watched, I decided to pull together a list of Good Omens fics I have bookmarked as stories I enjoyed, but which have less than 250-300 kudos at the time I’m writing this. No particular order. They’re accompanied by short excerpts from my private fic reading notes (not originally intended to be read by anyone but me, mind), sometimes slightly edited for clarity—and, sometimes, the comments I left on the fics.

This list sat in my drafts for a long time and the recent S2 announcement reminded me of it. I’d love it if it inspired you to do something similar! Spread the love.

And mind the tags, please.

△ = general and teen ▲ = mature and explicit 

thermodynamic equilibrium ▲ 7K the author has such an ear for dialogue and is unapologetic about what they want to write the characters like. They think of the characters as a mix of TV and book canon, but they feel like a homemade blend to me. (...) It’s very funny.

such dear follies ▲ 6K I can really picture this Aziraphale—Crowley as well, but her especially. She’s rather distinct. (...) Nice writing.

The Words Were With - △ 1.2K post-Blitz vignette, Aziraphale realizes what he feels and wonders if they're human enough for this. I liked it, and I liked the tag "transhumanism, but in reverse?", too—what an interesting idea. I'd say it's a vignette in a dire need of a follow-up, but, well, there's the show. The show is the follow-up. It fits very nicely within the canon and I totally believe it could have happened, like a deleted scene.

Gossip and Good Counsel △ 19K/? I love their companionship and how they're set up to be opposites by the management even though they get on pretty well. It feels very in keeping with the canon, but I feel like the fact that it's an F/F set in this particular time period adds a meaningful layer to the situation. It's women supporting each other in the world of men, working with the personas that are created for them, but, privately, being normal, well-rounded people. (...) and of course your writing is always a pleasure to read. (...) SDHDGDHDHDG Maisie is truly an Aziraphale.

Crowley Went Down to Georgia (he was looking for a soul to steal) △ 6K This was nice. Based on a song I didn’t know. Crowley goes to a funeral in the USA, one of a fiddler he knew and lost a bet to once. (...) The fic has not one but two songs composed for it and embedded inside it and that makes it even better. I really enjoyed the experience.

The Thing With Feathers △ 18K WARLOCK you'rE HORRIBLE AND I LOVE IT I would read an entire novel-length fic just of Crowley fighting his battles with Warlock. Written like this? It would be a blast. (...) The OCs are believably characterized and well-loved by the story. (...) Everyone seems to need a friend in this house. (...) This was so fun, and at the same time, their mission has weight here (...) We wonder about what the future holds even though we know it.

Here Quiet Find △ 11K This fic aimed for my head and the aim was sure precise. It was a story of Crowley sensing Aziraphale's distress and finding him in a self-quarantined English village in the seventeenth century, tired and anxious. It's hurt/comfort, so there was washing and bedsharing and I had to love it, so I did.

outside of time △ 2K Post-Almostgeddon, (...) nicely-written, short, but strung with a soft kind of tension and unspoken words. There's no drama, just "can we really", and "do you really" of sudden freedom. They fall into being inseparable. Book canon, which I like for this story (sitting on a tarmac). I liked the footnotes. There's a mention of Eliot. All in all, very much yes.

She'asani Yisrael △ 2K It’s Crowley going through a two-hour service and drinking blessed wine. He also keeps an eye on a boy he was asked to. It’s 1946. It was pretty good, so far the best Jewish GO fic, I think, from the ones I’ve read.

To Guard The Eastern Gate △ 11K  I loved it. You really made Sodom feel lived-in; the description of Keret, Hurriya and Yassib's house and relationship were great. I got attached to both them and the city (...) Aziraphale and Crawley’s interactions were generally very entertaining. I laughed (...) Your rendering of their voices just lands so well (...) But then oh, the entire ending (...) hurt, hurt a lot, and your descriptions are so vivid.

If you’ve been waiting (for falling in love) △ 14K AAAAA a good ending line. The whole paragraph, in fact. I love a good smattering of philosophy in my fics, and this was really nice. I can get behind Thomas Aequinus's and Crowley's view on eternity. It's (...) a pretty simple fic (...) - the courage to express yourself and take a risk is awarded with winning what was at stake by the virtue of reciprocity - but the way it was intertwined with a study of how they would experience a forever was done well. 

Holy unnecessary ▲ 2.2K It's well-written. (...) this is my type of sexual humour if I have any. So subtle. Blink and you'll miss it. Lovely.

The Parting Glass △ 17K Through the ages, they're dancing around their relationship until after the Armageddoff. (...) Wow, this was really, really nice. Very simple in its concept and nothing I haven't read before, but very well-executed. (...) AAAAH I LOVED the first chapter. I always like abbeys as settings, that's a given, but the banter, the good writing, the moral ambiguity!

Name The Sky △ 33K This Crowley is different, but very intriguing. Without his sarcastic talk, and much more animalistic. (...) I love how expressive Crowley is. (...) This fic has a very nice balance of drama and levity. I don't love Crowley-before-the-Fall stories very much, but with this execution I can read about it. (...) Okay I've read Crowley offering fruits, and even Aziraphale biting fruits, but the two of them sharing the apple? Outstanding. Ingenious. What a take.

A Flame in Your Heart △ 5K post-Blitz (why are so many dance fics post-Blitz?), they go to the bookshop and have an actually believable conversation. Then they dance the gavotte. It was really nice! Believable writing, emotions, the dancing! (...) Of course it's too early for them, (...) but the author's note? yeah.

Put down the apple, Adam, and come away with me ▲ 32K At this point it's just reading original stories with characters with names and some personality traits that I recognize. (...) I really enjoy this, the careful dance, the opposition between their views. (...) This is well-written, wow. (...) it's not an easy read (...) this story feels very believably 50s, but also reaches out to the present time. 

Liebestraum ▲ 10K/? It really is like music. I'm enjoying the writing a lot. (...) oh my actual god. This, this? Wow, uh. This came for my throat. (...) THE MUSICAL COMPOSITION, THE MOTIF RETURNING, THE AUTHOR KNOWS WHERE IT'S AT (...) Excellent. This hits the right beats so precisely, (...) and with feeling, too.

Down Comforter △ 2.4K and they lay down in angeldown, a soft rug ‘neath their heads– alright. Well, Crowley lies under Aziraphale's wing on a Persian rug after the Apocalypse, and they talk (...). It was sweet.

The Corsair of Carcosa △ 5K Crowley wakes up from a nap, visits Aziraphale for some drinking, and they read The King in Yellow that he happens to own. Good writing, so I'm bought. Aziraphale mentions Beardsley, so I'm bought twice over. My god, a discussion of etheral/occult madness? Caused by some wrong/true reading? Yes.

Very Good, Omens! △ 6K It's rather well-written, well-pastiched. People don't do that too often, nowadays - try to write in the style of a particular writer. (...) I love wordplay like this.

Reviving Robin Hood: The Complicated Process of Crème Brûlée △ 30K it's well-written (...), has a rhythm to it, and quiet humour. (...) Finally some nice, good, light writing. The attention to detail! (...) I'm still reading most of it aloud, the rhythm of it compels me to. (...) okay this does sound like Pratchett&Gaiman, the Good Omens itself (...) The fic is meandering, hilarious, sensitive in all the right places, and overall lovely.

my dear acquaintance △ 1K Oh. Oh. Yes, yes! Aziraphale in Russia, Russia I've never been in, but I can feel the snow and the evening of. Very real, and the bar, too. Attention to detail - vodka flavoured with dill, what on earth? Yes. He would totally have a distinct taste in operas and he would totally complain about a subpar one. I'm glad Tchaikovsky's there.

there is a crack in everything △ 1.8K This was good! Ah. Inspired by a comment (...), I went looking for Mr. Harrison and Mr. Cortese fics—really, what a big brain moment someone had and why have I never thought to look for them? This is Crowley getting suddenly anxious and Aziraphale going out of his way, through all his layers of not-thinking and denial, to console him. I also really liked how the Arrangement is a carefully unacknowledged partnership-marriage.

Scales And Gold And Wings And Scars △ 6K  No conflict, no plot, one tiny arc like a ripple on the surface of water on a calm sunny day - of Aziraphale discovering Crowley’s scars. It's the South Downs and it's early summer. They bask and swim in a spring. Non-sexual nudity, love in the air like a scent. Nice.

Nineteen Footnotes In Search Of A Story △ 0.4K This is a Good Omens story told only through footnotes. Your mind can fill in the gaps. Fascinating (...). Also, it’s an experiment so apt for this particular fandom.

Hell on Earth △ 6.5K Oh, I loved it! How could I not love it: it's Beelzebub-centric, it's historical, it has classical painting, and even a hilarious scene with a cuneiform phrase, as if I didn't enjoy this story enough already. There are so few Beelzebub fics out there and I find searching for them very difficult (I accept recs if anyone has any), and it's such a shame, so this was really like a gift to the fandom. I absolutely adore the way you portrayed them, small, frightening, powerful, and confident. Also, it was super fun to see how different Crowley seems when we're not in his POV or in a story about him and Aziraphale. (...)

Go Up to Ramoth-Gilead and Triumph △ 24K Daegaer is... pure class. (...) hdhdhdh what pfttt why you so funny (...) I love this Crowley. (...) This got unexpectedly intense. (...) I love the little nods to the fact that Israelites, especially the poorer ones, still believe in other gods. I also really like that they sleep on roofs. It's just the kind of detail that grounds the story and shows that the author is, in fact, a historian. 

[dreamingsnowflake2013]

They are so freaking domestic and married and functional the whole time I can’t!!! They bicker and banter with ease of two people who feel secure and confident around each other and know each other’s boundaries and limits and don’t need to worry about offending the other person or the conversation turning antagonistic which allows them this sort of brutal honesty, at times, and frank criticism.

Issei gets the edamame shell husband treatment and he literally can’t believe it Hayame did that to him right in front of his salad when it already helped to ruin her previous relationship. It seems Hayame didn’t understand his lesson about the difference between the edamame shell and skin, well, she was in the middle of confronting her cheating ex so I suppose she was otherwise engaged.

Though, poor Issei doesn’t know the depth of Hayame’s culinary disability until he discovers her special lemon and cereal gyoza! HA! I admire that he doubles down on his criticism and even if he tries to back pedal, he simply can’t make himself lie to her even to please her when it’s so awful.

Unlike her ex-husband, he doesn’t put on a fake smile and swallows it so he wouldn’t hurt Hayame’s feelings but actually tells her it sucks bigly, showing that not only won’t he ever lie to her or keep secrets from her, he won’t feed her white lies to avoid conflict either. You almost never see portrayed in Asian dramas how these little mundane details can lead to a complete failure of a relationship once they pile up. Quite the opposite, they often depict swallowing food that makes you puke as something romantic and a proof of love without giving any thought to the fact whether the person can manage that for the rest of their life, considering it’s suggested most of the OTPs live happily ever after. The issue shows that Hayame and Issei are already more than one step further regarding the growth and functionality of their relationship than she ever came with Masahiro, illustrating their suitability. It’s not about a relationship being conflict-free, it’s about confronting the problems, argue about them even though it’s exhausting and uncomfortable and solve them through communication and misucommunication, not about hushing the issues up and staying silent about them in order to avoid arguments.

The drama might be called Promise Cinderella but it has been turning the Cinderella stereotypes on their head since episode 1. One of them is Hayame not fitting the bill of a girl who is amazing at cooking, sewing, reading, embroidering, polite conversation, dancing and generally being more princess-like than all the princesses and noblewomen, even though her mother died in her childhood and she couldn’t have taught her all those things, neither could her father, nor the mice or the other animals she spent all her whole time with. Let’s face it, Cinderella has always been the fairytale counterpart of Richardson’s Pamela and Hayame - divorced, almost thirty, penniless and jobless - is the modern real-life version of an orphaned abused virgin fallen on hard times. 

On the other hand, while Hayame might share Cinderella’s origin story of her mother dying at an early age, this sad event tragically affects her whole life in a much more realistic and darker way. Her father falls into a depression and becomes neglectful and she has to grow up overnight, having to learn everything by herself as she is left with no one to teach her, guide her and defend her so she ends up turning into a fiercely independent tomboy who is a self-taught cook and, as such, her cooking, well, sucks. She is literally the farthest thing from a Mary Sue ever. 

Then, Issei may be a modern version of a prince but while young, he has been taught since an early age and has a very unconventional unique upbringing in a modern world - he is the one who excels at cooking (because he had someone who actually taught him), can tie kimonos, knows the proper etiquette, can arrange flowers and knows their language and meaning. 

You would expect all those things from a woman, not a man; however, he is not only educated and good at them, he has a natural talent for them. In this way, the drama re-invents the Cinderella story, gives it a new original meaning and a breath of fresh air. 

Thus, you can see all these details in which Hayame’s relationship with Issei differs from her marriage - they are left to live together alone in what is basically a simulated marriage, but she doesn’t end up in the traditional role of a woman and housewife whose purpose is to provide dinner/food for her husband who comes back from work. She used to work back then, too, even if only part time. Now, it’s her who works full-time while Issei works part-time but despite it they share the cooking and he, fittingly, ends up being the better cook, completely changing up the dynamic of the traditional roles both in the original fairytale and male/female relationships in general.

Except for a brief denial stage caused by his confused feelings, Issei has always been honest with Hayame, sometimes brutally so, be it regarding the major issues or mundane everyday things like her cooking skills. 

He treats her the way she wants her to treat him, and, as a result, he rightfully expects the same honesty and consideration in return from her. He doesn’t want any lies or secrets between them, he wants a conversation not a deafening silence, regardless whether they are lovers or friends. 

He wants honesty and equality and instead, Hayame is trying to dismiss him as a child again in an attempt to avoid the problem because it’s uncomfortable and she doesn’t want to have a messy argument or worry him. She should have known by now that that’s exactly the attitude which led to the failure of her marriage. Not that they are an excuse or justification for cheating, but Masahiro raised some good points about the things he disliked about her and it’s time Hayame learns from her past mistakes.

Marriage/romantic relationship is not a one-person show, the point of it being you are not alone to deal with your problems, some burdens should be shared and if not, the other person feels left out because their partner keeps secrets from them which then leaves many opportunities for misunderstandings and creates a rift that keeps growing between the couple. Hayame’s greatest strengths - her self-reliance and independence - which allowed her to survive on her own so far become her greatest weaknesses and drag her down now. 

Issei immediately realizes Hayame has been putting a mask around him, trying to make herself look cheerful and happy, he can see through it right away as she can never fool him because he knows her so well and, frankly, she couldn’t pretend even if her life depended on it just like him. She fails to notice that this sort of consideration and selflessness are a double-edged sword. 

It’s both apt and ironic she tries to dismiss him as a child because her stubborness, discomfort and avoidance maker HER appear like a child and Issei the one 10 years older with his patience, calm and and persistence on discussing and solving the whole issue. This time it’s him who calls her out on her bullshit and childishness.

Issei notices everything about Hayame, including her mood swings which also refer to the mixed signals she’s been sending him, and how could he not when he always watches her so searchingly as if he were trying to look inside her soul, trying to spot every quiver of her lashes and nervous press of her lips. 

Thus, he can sense and predict what she plans to do because he can read her like an open book after watching her so closely for so long but also because he’s been there where Hayame is right now - he had been running away for the past 10 years before he met her and she saved him by making him realize he had been fucking up his life that way, therfore he gets angry seeing her repeating his mistakes. 

Moreover, he is scared shitless he may one day wake up and end up like Seigo, abandoned by her, not even left with a direction where to look at her, because she thinks she is not good enough and fears she might drag him down and mess up his life.

Despite it all, Issei doesn’t think about himself first, he thinks about Hayame and what it is she truly wants. She feels so lost and conflicted, fretting and completely panicking and he pretty much tells her ‘fuck the world and other people! You are the only person who matters! Think about yourself first and do what you truly wish to do even if it makes them hate you.’ And from the hopeful way she looks at him, it’s exactly what she needs to hear and wants to truly do but lacks the courage to go through with it just yet. 

Finally, THIS SHOT on the sofa! It pretty much says ‘married, in the middle of marital crisis and before a huge life-changing conversation’!

[yniswaifu]

The bet - 1

You look at the crowd in front of you, eyeing each person for a split second before turning to other. They were talking, they were smiling, they looked happy. Everyone around you and your group were in similar situation – talking, smiling, being happy. But how do we know it was genuine?

Someone tapped your shoulder. You snap back to reality and look at Osamu, the gray head who was also your boyfriend. He had a questioning look on his face, but kept quiet and just smiled at you. You too, smiled back and finished the rest of your food on the lunch tray. Ten more minutes till the end of lunch break.

While you and Osamu weren't the type to be openly affectionate, with the maximum being a kiss on the forehead, the same couldn't be said about the blonde guy sitting across you. He had his girl on his lap, and his head tucked in the crook of her neck. To you, that looked uncomfortable as heck.

"dude, we're in school. Please curb your love." Osamu chimes in, a distasteful expression on his face. His hand was on top of yours, and the other held the special pork bread you get every Friday.

Your eyes turn to the girl, who was blushing at the comment made by your boyfriend. She was pretty, and popular. But she was also nice. So nice that she will might as well take her heart out for you. Her kindness irked you as well, because in today's world kindness was rare, and you weren't sure how genuine that kindness was. You observed her some more. Her hands were intertwined with the blonde's, and she looked happy. Her happy face made something in you hurt when you looked at the 'genuine' love in her eyes, and the 'genuine' love in Atsumu's eyes. Something in you hurt so bad, it made you angry.

You look down and clenched your fist. Conflict was raging in you, making you feel worse with the seconds. You had to decide, and you had to do it now.

The bell rang, and you got up from your seat. Osamu offered to take your tray along with his, and Atsumu followed his brother - trying to be the gentleman he never was. Suna and Ginjima, the other two classmates and friends you had, they too went to keep their trays at the counter. You and f/n were the only people left.

You weren't very close to her. The relationship was confined till "the other twin's girlfriend" category. And since you and her hung out in the same group, you were friendly with each other. A blanket of awkward silence covered the both of you, and while f/n may look uncomfortable, you were scared. Scared of being fake.

"the boys are taking their time." f/n said, and smiled at you. Your eyes widened at her smile, and then turned to her frown. This is wrong. This is so wrong.

"yeah, it seems so. We'll be late for class." you reply, trying your best to smile.

"I know right. Should I go call them?" she asks, pointing towards where four tall dudes stood, talking about something.

You nod your head, and f/n walks over to them to call them. Shutting your eyes tightly, you pinch the bridge of your nose and sigh. That's it, you have to tell her the truth. You can't continue like this.

When f/n returns with the rest of the gang, you stare at them blankly, void of any emotion as you feel drained. Osamu eyes you for a second, and quietly asks, "are you okay?"

His arms wraps around your shoulders and he pulls you closer as you all walked back to class. You were in a different section from others, as your grades were better than theirs. But that didn't affect anyone.

"yeah I'm fine. Just feeling a little tired that's all."

Osamu nods, clearly not accepting your answer, but he let it go for the time being. In the two years of relationship you two had, communication was never an issue. So he knew you will tell him sooner or later anyway.

The boys enter their class, bidding you and f/n goodbye. Atsumu places a kiss on her lips, while Osamu just squeezes your hand a little. You cringe at Atsumu and he sticks out his tongue at you before leaving. Again, it's just y/n and f/n.

"f/n..." you start.

She turns to you and smiles, tilting her head. "yes?"

"when the boys leave for their volleyball practice, would you like to walk home with me?"

You wanted to be direct, but you decided to do it nice and slow.

F/n couldn't believe her ears. The girl she admired was asking her to walk home with her. She wanted to jump in excitement but kept her calm. "sure." she smiles.

You give her a small smile as well, and enter your class. You were going to make it right, even if it hinders your relations.

***

You kick the pebbles on your path, waiting for f/n. Nervousness had a grip on you, but you knew that this was the right thing to do. Best or not, you weren't up for discussing that. You were also aware how this was going to affect the people around you, specially a specific pair of twins – one of who was someone you held dear to your heart.

Speaking of Osamu, your mind drifted to him, and his pretty poker face, and his subtle way of caring. He wasn't the most expressive in the block, but you knew, how much he cherished you. Not like you were any different. Maybe that's why you two vibed well, seeing both of you were introverts.

"let's go."

You see f/n approaching, a smile etched on her face. You force a smile yourself, mentally preparing for the upcoming storm.

It was awkward to say the least. You have never done anything like this before, and now that you have decided to be genuine and honest, all sorts of doubts enveloped you. None of you spoke a word, and you wondered what was going on in her head.

Meanwhile f/n is way too nervous to be walking with you. Being in a class below, hanging out with people like Atsumu and others was overwhelming. She may be popular for her looks or personality, but it wasn't like she asked for it. But when she had seen you for the first time, she was fascinated. She liked how well you kept yourself together, how you were honest with your words, and how cool you were in general. You didn't need someone's validation to make yourself better, and f/n really appreciated that. Sometimes she felt as if her way of living was inside of a bubble, and she wasn't exactly being herself.

For f/n, you were someone she looked up to, and Atsumu was someone she looked down at. His extravagant way of portraying himself for being one of the best volleyball player in Japan, and his superiority complex, got on her nerves. She wanted to avoid him as much as possible, and she did succeed. But not for long, because Atsumu's charms surpassed his cons and she soon found herself falling for him. It was pathetic on her side, seeing how deep she was in this ordeal, and developed a form of self hatred for lowering her morals. Or so she thought. That's why seeing and being with y/n made herself feel a little better, or worse, and she felt she could correct herself through the 'cool' senior who walked beside her in silence.

Soon the silence was broken by you, and you stopped under the streetlight, calling out for f/n. F/n turned to see a pitiful expression. It was almost like...you felt bad for her.

"is everything okay?" she asks, concerned.

Sighing, you meet her eyes and say, "no. It's not."

"huh? What happened?" she asks, confused.

Gulping the lump at the base of your throat, you continue. "Atsumu started dating you because of a dare."

There it was. The bomb. You dropped it without a warning, and the blast is going to injure a lot of people.

F/n stared at you for a good minute before speaking. "why...?"

Her blurred eyes signal the start of waterworks, but you chose to ignore it and continue. "entertainment." you shrug. "you weren't really into Atsumu, so everyone made a bet that he will make you fall for him in a month. And...he succeeded. The bet has been going on for four months now."

Your eyes were cold, f/n noticed. She wasn't sure why you decided to bestow her with this news, and why now. After four months of bliss and in love. Why her, of all the people in the world.

SLAP!

A hand flew across your cheek, the painful sting making it's way on your face. You didn't expect that, but you also knew somewhere deep down you deserved that. You couldn't bring up to look at the now crying girl in front of you, so you kept looking down.

"screw you all." were the last words you heard before the footsteps faded away.

Ah, I went and did it. You think, as your own tears streamed down your face while thinking of the aftermath.

Chapter 1 is up! Wow I'm nervous. Anyway, I hope you like it. The second chapter may be posted sometime within this week, so stay tuned.

Have a beautiful day. ✌️