#so if she changes in the future I know that it’s not normal behaviour for her to swim like a maniac

[kingscrafty]

I need help from anyone who knows anything about betta fish!!! I made this post on Twitter but am spreading it here just in case.

She literally floats in one area almost all day every day, staring at nothing in particular - sometimes the wall, sometimes the ceiling, sometimes just the surface of the water - and she basically never swims properly. She CAN do so, if you go to touch the surface of the water she darts off, but otherwise any swimming she does is so relaxed/low-energy that her tail fin doesn’t swish. Her pectoral fins do pretty much all the work.

Plus, some pics of the girly in question: in the second pic she’s in the mid/upper right with three more of the sorority she came with visible in the centre of the picture and lower left (there were 12 total). As you can see it’s a decent sized tank, I think 240l or around 50gal, with plenty of live plants, branches, rocks, and some plastic decorations.

If she were a runt she wouldn’t act so different, so I’m a little concerned that there’s something psychological or some illness. She’s been like this since we got her several days ago and I wanna make sure it’s not a quality of life issue. It’s fine if she’s just like that anyway and is perfectly happy, I just don’t want her to be doing it because she’s suffering!

Also she eats just fine and goes straight to the food when sprinkled in, plus her pelvic fins flare out when another betta passes/folds away when gone (same as all the other bettas) so it isn’t that she’s blind/visually impaired. It literally is like she’s autistic lol, vibing on her own, enjoying her own space

[malaierba]

My unpopular (why) opinion is that Toshiro's and Falin's relationship (platonic obviously) is quite beautiful and if fans weren't so odd about shipping they'd see how very sweet it is that Toshiro started liking Falin when he realised she's an odd but gentle person, when he felt a sense of kinship that he likely never felt before.

From what we see they got along, Falin has a positive opinion of him, on the few instances when we actually see them talk (beyond just memories of them talking but no actual dialogue being shown to us) it's obvious she feels comfortable enough to be completely honest and transparent with him, while still minding his feelings. She likes the guy well enough, she doesn't want to hurt him.

The marriage proposal is actually so interesting... The way they communicate with each other. Falin let's Toshiro down gently, and reveals something so intimate about herself, how she's behaved until now, what she wants to do in the future, that she'd like to visit him again!

And Toshiro is so gentle. He obviously cares about her so much (and water is wet BUT im talking specifically about how it's portrayed in this scene). If what Maizuru says is true, that was the second time he made a "selfish" request ("marry me and come with me") but he simply asks this from her and offers reassurances, "I'll make sure you're comfortable", but he's not you know the Hardass some people pretend he is.

And what I love the most... When she rejects him not only does he accept it gracefully, he's inspired by her declaration that she wants to be more independent. Why did Falin say that? To spare his feelings further? Or because she knew that this realisation, which meant so much to her, would resonate with Toshiro too?

Gonna get personal but. I'm aroace, hello. I've had a few friendships go to shit because someone confessed to me and I rejected them. And exactly one where the person accepted it gracefully and our friendship, after surviving an awkward moment, blossomed.

Like. Relationships CHANGE, and they can develop and deepen and strengthen in many ways, regardless of the dynamic they take on. When aspecs say "friendship can be as important as romance" one of the things we mean is, allow romantic love to go back to platonic love and be stronger regardless OR EVEN because of it.

Like. How beautiful, that these two recognised a bit of themselves in each other, and knew how to approach the other. How beautiful that Ryoko tells us "their friendship survived a rejected proposal, when the commonly used trope would've made their friendship unviable from then on".

How beautiful that narratively Toshiro's sacrifice is never played for laughs or made fun of or devalued because """he didn't get the girl""', but instead the manga says "it didn't pan out but it wasn't a pointless sacrifice because Toshiro genuinely cared for Falin as a person, and always did what he thought was best even when it went against his normal behaviour." How beautiful that Falin wants to meet his friend Toshiro again, that she thinks to tell him "I'm going to start being an active participant in my own life" and Toshiro thinks "I think I need to start doing that too".

How beautifullll that a rejection ended with a promise to meet again, it's so beautiful am I insane? Can someone hear me hello?

The love was there and it mattered, but it's even better. The love shifts and survives because the care is genuine, because when you truly care about a person you'll want them in your life in whatever dynamic suits everyone involved the best. Because love, whether romantic or platonic or a mix of something else entirely, is selfless.

[yanderehsr]

Yandere Lyney, Zhongli, Dottore ((why not)) Neuvillette and Tighnari bring up the idea one day that they want a baby but darling dislikes children so she keeps changing the subject or ignoring the idea all together completely shutting that thought down plus the very idea of it makes her stomach cringe having a baby with them

I have a good idea which 4 I'll pick here, Hope you'll enjoy😄

Trigger Warning: Yandere, Obsessive behaviour, Possessive behaviour, Kidnapping, Suggestive in all of them, proceed at your own risk

Zhongli: You can't tell me this guy doesn't want children with you at all costs, so when you change subject and reject the idea, it honestly hurts him a bit, did you not want to have children with him, isn't he good enough. He can't deal with that, he is going to have a child with you no matter what you say.

All Zhongli needs is to slip you some nice sleeping aids, and he'll whisk you away to somewhere so far removed from society that only he knows about it, you have only yourself to blame here, if you hadn't rejected him then this wouldn't be happening at all, you will wake up sore with Zhongli cuddling you, you have no idea where you are and you feel strange, weird huh.

"This wouldn't be happening if you just accepted it from the very beginning. I am sure you'll be a great mother"

Dottore: Let's be honest here, this freak doesn't do this because he has a kink or because he genuinely wants a family, these children serve two reasons. One, they will bind you to him, it's something of a possessive bond. Two, they are experiments plain and simple.

Dottore also finds a bonus in all of this, he can use children to threaten you to be compliant, he doesn't care about your refusals or your discomfort, he just wants to pump a baby into you so it's easier to get you to obey. He doesn't even hide it and that's what is scariest.

"Wake up, I have confirmed that it worked this time... why are you crying, aren't you happy to have a child? No matter, you are having it whether you want to or not"

Neuvillette: He has brought it up to you so many times and each time you either change subject or completely shut the idea down, it's honestly starting to get to him a little, shouldn't the ultimate goal of any female be to have a child, that is atleast what he understood from other humans.

Neuvillette isn't someone who would force you to have a child, that would go against his morals, or the little morals he has left after kidnapping you, you can at the very least be happy he isn't someone who would force this, he will continue asking tho, hoping that one day you will say yes.

"I just wanted to bring up the subject of potential future childre-... Oh, ok, I understand, could you tell me how your day has been at the very least"

Tighnari: Fennec foxes mates for life, meaning they only get together with one person ever, and that so happens with you, Tighnari does want children but wont force anything if you don't want it, that is until he enters his heat.

Tighnari before a heat will force you away from him, but this time he forgot, and you happened to walk in on him during the heat, he would catch you quickly to have his way with you, he can't really control what he's doing here, but when he goes back to normal he finds himself happy instead, he is sure you'll make a great mother.

"Well there's nothing we can do now about it... you don't need to be so sad about it, I'll be with you every step of the way, MY mate"

[lestcat-de-lioncourt]

In response to the assumption that Lestat never loved Claudia

Whilst there were moments describing that he didn't really care about Claudia, it's not certain but he seemed to think she was in the way, though, this story is told by Louis who is known very well to be a totally unreliable narrator with now Armand who is butthurt about Lestat running off from him as well, whispering in his ear. Likewise, Claudia's diary has multiple pages stripped out, and it's mostly the parts favouring Louis left.

Lestat gifted what was assumed to be a family heirloom, at least in fan theory, (the gorgeous antique necklace) rather than given to him by a marquis as he mentions upon doing so, something you would often gift to your child you ultimately cared for and saw as your child. Though, whoever gave it to Lestat, it was still a special gift.

Lestat taught Claudia a multitude of talents, which Louis would not teach her nor encourage her to do. Piano, chess, hunting to survive (not particularly done by Louis due to his vegetarian vampirism), and Daniel calls out a lot of what Louis has to say was her relationship with Lestat and how he's painting it to be.

Looking toward the time when they conspire to kill Lestat, children can be easily manipulated, not to mention that she has the mind as a young person and there's trials and tribulations we have to go through during puberty, and it's a rather vulnerable time.

He looked regretful when he called her a mistake as well.

I know people so often accuse him of not loving her just because he's telling her off, normally in situations that would literally threaten her life and anonymity, and safety, this drastic opinion and assumption parents don't love their kids if they tell them off during moments that could end up killing them, is really telling of who has got kids and who hasn't ever needed to look after one.

Maybe he loves her, maybe he doesn't, he certainly struggles with her, and it's the age old tale of one parent being jealous of the other, or feeling lonely once having kids as the relationship may because less consistently intimate with less time to spend together, alone. There's things she's done that upsets him. He struggles with her playing them off against each other, but that's what kids often do. It's a survival technique.

It's very clear that he's too messy to be a good parent. He needs a whole lot of therapy, but that doesn't remove someone's capacity to love their kids. He has a lot of love for them.

This isn't related to his unchanging polyamory taking on various lovers, which he was very clear about with Louis, and he'd initially consented to and even done himself.

People look at Lestats behaviour and immediately assume he doesn't care nor has any real love for any of them, but that's so not true. The reality of love and family dynamics aren't as clear-cut as people try to paint them and disqualify more complex expressions of their feelings towards one another.

It is stated that he is forever haunted with the guilt and shame of Claudia's death.

You can see love and hurt and a series of emotions he felt when Louis asked Lestat to make them a baby (in the adaption, though yes, it is an adaption), for them to start a family, that he wanted a kid with Lestat. In that moment, he did, though he says he made her as the ultimate gift for Louis, a daughter, a child, and starting their own family. This is a very raw feeling that people who decide to have kids will often experience. I don't believe he "baby trapped" Louis though, as many keep saying, considering he was worried about the consequences that would happen to her and her future as a child immortal. Seeing how distraught Louis was and empathetic to the potential death of the child, he changed her. He tried to highlight to Louis that in the end, it could do her more harm than dying.

I don't think he never loved Claudia, I may well be wrong, though.

[artisticgirl19]

Five Hargreeves and the expectations that comes with being the "favorite character".

S4 is the season that we got the most holes in the storyline, lack of explanation and even the erasure of existence of all Hargreeves, but definetly what shocked the audience the most was Five behaviour and his, until now, unknow tendencies of homewrecking.

I am not here to judge him, neither to defend, but to say what i have been seeing of the fans reactions and I got to say... Some of y'all claim to be his fans, but wish him a miserable life.

"BUT IT WAS SO OOC, S1 FIVE WOULD NEVER DO THIS!"

Yes, he would not, but a If there is something the show it's trying to show since s3 it's how tired Five it's from apocalypses, failed tentatives to save the world, having to save his siblings asses all the time, getting blamed about every bad thing that happend and never getting showed any appreciation with honorable exceptions of Klaus and Diego.

Five changed, pretty much like everyone, due to all his emotional baggage, which happens to be a bit bigger than the others cause of his age and the fact the his entire life was just chaos and loneliness.

The thing is, yes, Five would do anything for his family and that's what he has been doing for the last 45 years, even with little to no recognition. Unfortunately, all this loyalty placed him into a pedastal that it's dificult to keep up.

I even saw some people saying that "normal Five" would have gone to the train station by himself to not put anyone in danger. So that's what you want for him? To get stucked AGAIN completly alone for another 7 years of his life?

I saw people saying "How could he do that with Dolores?" Like, seriously? As much as i liked that whole mannequin- human romance, it's time for y'all to accept that Dolores is to Five what that volleyball ball was to Tom Hanks in Cast Away. Just a coping mechanism to not get crazy in a devasted world by himself, but that was not love.

You guys really think that his entire life it's suppost to just be there for his siblings and holding a mannequin when times get lonely, and that's it? How fucking depressing is that?

And not that being there for his siblings it's a bad thing, but then again, why it gotta be his responsability, always? Besides, when Will someone else be there for him too? I guess that's why he fell for Lila in that moment. She was febre for him as much as he was there for her.

And to be honest, a big part of me it's glad, that even for once, he decided to be selfish. For once he choose to allow himself to be in a calm and peaceful place not constantly worring about his siblings or the future of earth. He loved a real person and was loved back by them. He finally had the opportunity of trying to live as fully normal person, what he never had the chance before. It was a breath of fresh air that he deserved.

I know that Lila was definetly not the right person to have these amazing last moments with, but i am sure that If they had more seasons, they would come up with some new character to fill that up.

And even being Lila, It still made sense. In that moment, with that conection and after all they lived together, It still made all the sense.

The only thing that hurts me about this whole situation, it's that It literally costed his relationship with Diego and they stop existing without talking It out, cause there was no time for It (Steve Blackman, i hate you for this).

It's bittersweet, indeed, and just shows that he can't really have it all, but at least he got some moments of peace in this earth before getting ceased forever.

.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Don't Speak 26

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon, obsession, stalking, manipulation, reclusive behaviour, disordered eating, dissociation, allusions to abuse, and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Reader is a reclusive loner who ventures down to the library on a simple mission. Her task is complicated by the man she meets there. (f!short!reader)

Character: librarian!Andy Barber

Note: Enjoy the fucked uppery.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

Love you all. Take care. 💖

When Andy stirs, you feel relief wash over you. He rolls away, slowly dragging his hand across your stomach. You quickly shield yourself with your arm as he stretches, making the bed feel even smaller. You push yourself up cautiously as he yawns, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes.

“Mm, dove,” he murmurs groggily, “morning.”

He lowers his hands and smiles as he scratches his beard. A tuft along his chin juts out and he smooths it. His other arm falls behind you and trails his fingers up the back of your shirt. You shiver but do you best to suppress it.

“Morning,” you squeak back, bending your knees to your chest, “um, I’ll…” you search the wall on the other side of him as you think, “I’ll go make some coffee.”

“Oh,” his voice gristles with disappointment, “you’re leaving me?”

“Um, well, no, I just…”

“Can I get a kiss before you go?” He asks, playing with a dimple in the fabric of your shirt.

Your brows rise high and your eyes round. A kiss? Oh, you suppose that’s normal. If he loves you and you love him.

You nod and shift reluctantly. You unfold your legs as you twist around and lean in. He closes his eyes and you peck his cheek quickly before shoving away from him. You bounce across the bed, hopping off as your lips tingle funnily.

He groans but doesn’t say anything. You scurry to the door and stop just inside the frame. You look back at him, breathless in disbelief at what you just did. You really just kissed him.

“I’ll get changed and put the coffee on,” you promise with a sheepish smile.

“Alright,” his hand drops heavily onto the mattress. Your heart sinks. It wasn’t enough. You let him down again but that’s a lot for you.

You slouch and turn away. You shuffle down the hall and dip into the guest room. You shut the door behind you as your lip quivers. You thought you were getting better but that word just sticks in your head; ‘alright’. His grim tone stamped into your mind.

You pull out a pair of jeans and a tee shirt. You dress, happy to be rid of the shorts and high-cut shirt. You put on a pair of fuzzy socks as your toes throb in the chilly air. You’re nice and cozy and comfy. 

As you come out into the hall, you keep from crossing it. The bathroom door is closed. Dang. You were going to brush your teeth. You’ll have to wait. Once you get the coffee going, you’re sure it’ll be free.

You take a step down the hall and nearly trip. A low, sonorous sound draws you to a stop. You’re not sure what it is at first. You almost think it’s the floor groaning under your weight. No, it’s too full to be that. It rises again, a deep rumble that makes your stomach swirl strangely.

There’s a sharp breath. Almost a hiss. Shallow pants beneath the rich groans. Your heartbeat picks up, racing as you know you should cover your ears and run away. It’s him! It’s Andy. What is he doing?

You retreat and raise your hand to knock but stop as his voice gets louder. You think better of asking if he’s okay as you realise you might be intruding. The epiphany of what he’s doing makes you feel very… ashamed. You shouldn’t be hearing this.

You spin and flit down the hall, carelessly letting your feet thump on the floor and down the stairs. Forget it, focus on what you have to do. Coffee for Andy, tea for you. You can’t let one awkward moment ruin the whole day.

Once the pot is brewing, you set the kettle over a burner and pick out a pair of mugs. You busy yourself with tiny things; straightening the dishcloth on its hook and sweeping away an errant crumb. You hear the stairs as Andy comes down, another yawn, more theatrical than before as he enters the kitchen.

You face him as the coffee machine grinds. His cheeks are slightly flushed as he stretches his neck one way than the other. He goes to the fridge and takes out the carton of oat milk. You watch him, your voice trapped inside of you. You feel as if you might just blurt out what you heard.

He faces you and places the carton next to one of the mugs. He looks at you as you stare at the floor. You rub your arm and sway on your feet.

“Is that what you’re wearing?” He asks.

You frown and shrug, “I… you don’t like it?”

“Well, I thought you might… you might want to wear something I bought you. Dr. Kemp is coming over.”

“Oh, I guess,” you tug at the bottom of your shirt and examine it, “I didn’t think…”

“You don’t have to,” he says bluntly, “it’s up to you. I just thought you’d want to look good for company.”

You blink and peer up at him, hurt. What is he saying?

“You’re always cute, dove,” he reaches to caress your cheek, “but I know you can look even better,”

He kisses your forehead and you wince. You nod and sidle away from him, folding your arms over your chest as your socks slip on the tile, “I know… I’ll go change.”

🕊️

There’s a knock at the front door. You sit forward as Andy gets up. He wears a powder blue pullover and pair of dark blue jeans. 

You wear a short denim dress over a turtleneck, a few new pieces from the closet. Still, it doesn't seem good enough for Andy as he only said 'good enough' before pacing around restlessly. Now the time has come and your anxiety is about to overflow.

You wring your hands as you hear Andy open the front door. His greeting is met by Kemp's rich tone and you tug at your sleeves, waiting and watching the door. You don't know what to expect.

"There she is," Kemp smiles at you, "how are you doing, sweetheart?"

You try to return the gesture and stand. He looks around, appraising the room with a thoughtful hum. He twines his fingers together and cracks his knuckles.

"You good sitting there?" He asks as he looks at you again.

You nod and resume your seat in the armchair. Andy hovers behind the couch as Kemp nears the mantle and picks up the signed baseball there. He examines it before facing the room again.

"Andrew, why don't you sit down?"

"Wait, I, er, I forgot," Andy insists and goes to the console table near the window. He opens the draw and pulls out a familiar shape. It's your notebook, how did he get that?

"I thought this might help," Andy carries it over to Kemp and holds it out. The doctor considers it and swallows. His eyes flick up to meet the other man's and he raises his chin as his smile turns strained.

"Thanks," he slowly takes the book and pivots on his heel. He approaches you as you frown at his hand. Your lip trembles as you flutter your eyes. 

"Here," he offers it, "that's yours."

You take it and thank him with a squeak, hugging it tightly to your chest. You see Andy's brow arch as he stares at the doctor. Your heart won't stop racing.

"No need for that," he says to Andy as he backs up, "all I need are you two. So please, sit."

You can tell by Andy's stunted movement's and the twitch in his jaw that he's not happy. Well you aren't either. He took your journal without asking. That's your private thoughts.

Dr. Kemp waits until Andy is sitting before he relaxes his postures, blowing out a breath as he slides his hands into his pants pockets, "so I think it's pretty obvious what we need to work on; boundaries."

Andy's nostrils flare as you stare down at the cover of your journal. Did he look inside? Did he read anything?

"Let's start with privacy. Anything we deal within individual sessions will be kept confidential. Including that," Steve angles around to face Andy as he point to you, "when we are altogether, we share what is important for the two of you to work together."

"Okay," your murmur as you lift your head, Andy grumbles.

"Andrew, apologise."

"What?" Andy snaps.

"Don't you think you owe her after you took something that doesn't belong to you?"

"Are you serious?"

"Alright, then, if all's fair, you will hand over your phone and let her have a look, won't you?" Kemp challenges.

Andy sucks in his cheeks and sighs. He looks at you and lets the tension drain from his face, "I'm sorry, dove. I didn't mean… I only… I thought it would help. I didn't look inside."

You cling to the book, "it's okay."

"Is it?" Kemp shifts towards you, "is it okay?"

You look him in the face, just for a second before letting your eyes wander to safety along the wall. You shrug.

"You can say, we're here to communicate," he coaxes, "how do you feel?"

"Erm… upset, " you admit.

"Are you hurt?"

You nod again, "I'm… mad."

"As would be expected. And do you hear Andrew's apology? Do you accept it?"

You chew your lip and glance at Andy, "I can."

"Alright, so that's a boundary set," Kemp declares, "but we're not just focusing on those. Let's think about barriers. There are some very obvious ones here. Not least of all communication."

You put your head down and listen. Andy bends one leg over the other as he leans back and rests his chin on his knuckles. You wait as Kemp walks in careless lines around the room.

"So we need to talk to each other. Let each other know how we're feeling. So let's be together," he continues, "please, come sit with Andrew."

You wince but get up. You put your notebook on the table as you pass it can sit on the cushion next to Andy, keeping space between you. Kemp comes close and looks down at you, "come in cozy."

He gestures with both hands. You sidle over as Andy does the same. He jostles you slightly as his arm brushes against yours.

"Alright, I'm sensing a divide. There's resistance here," Kemp rubs his chin, "now, I spoke with Andrew but I don't want to share anything too much, so please why don't you share why you called me here?"

Kemp waits, watching Andy, who puts his elbows on his thighs and taps his fingertips together. He peeks over at you.

"Well, you know–"

"Tell her," Kemp directs.

Andy clears his throat and angles slightly. You feel like melting against his gaze, "dove, we already talked about some of it, didn't we? When I try to be nice, you just pull away."

You listen, shoulders slumping, spirit shriveling.

"And it just feels like you take whatever you need and leave me with nothing," he carries on.

"In what way? Be specific. What is the issues here?" Kemp prompts.

"I… I don't want to embarrass her… er, you, dove, but… when I touch you, you… you act afraid and… and you never try to touch me," he sits up and gulps loudly, "I'm a touchy person. That's how I communicate."

"Good, good," Kemp praises, "that's good to vocalise your needs. And she can't give you what you need if she doesn't know, right?"

You look between them, confused. They're doing most of the talking but you don't know what to say. You don't know how to feel.

"And you," Kemp opens his hands in your direction, "What do you need?"

Your lips part, your mouth is dry, your ears are fuzzy. You have no idea what they want you to say. You're not used to asking for things, there's not much you can think of that they can give you.

"Nothing. I have more than enough," you say.

"Sweetie, it's okay," Andy assures you.

You shake your head. You really don't know what they're asking. You just want to draw and maybe even be happy.

"It's alright," Kemp leans back on his heel, "she might not know."

You rub your lips together and clutch your hands tight. It feels hot in the room. Like you could turn into a puddle.

"That means we take it slow. Figure it out. Patience for both of you. Andrew, you have to take your time showing her what you need and you," he smiles at you, "need to be patient with yourself. Explore and let yourself feel before you judge."

You furrow your brow. Kemp backs up further and hooks a thumb in his pocket, "alright, let's try something small. A nice starting point." He instructs, "hold hands."

Andy perks up and looks at you. You can't meet his gaze as you stare at the thick wool weaving of the doctor's sweater. Andy puts his hand against his leg and opens his fingers.

"Whenever you're ready," Kemp says.

You swallow and shakily raise your hand. You lay it in Andy's and he spreads his fingers so yours slip between them. He curls his grip around you, tight and warm.

"And how is that?"

"Nice," Andy answers first. 

You sniff and nod, "yeah… nice."

"Alright, see. I don't want either of you to stress. This is healthy. Working together, right? Trust me, you're not the first or last couple to come to me."

"Sure," Andy squeezes your hand as if he's afraid you'll pull away.

"Hm, right, now one step further," Kemp continues, "put your arm over her shoulder."

You freeze, body locking in place. You're too afraid to protest. Therapy is hard work, Dr. Kemp said that the first day you met him. This is the only way to get better. Stop thinking about yourself, Andy is trying so hard.

Andy untwines his fingers from yours, leaning back slightly. He clears his throat and extends his arm behind you. Cautiously, he lets it rest over your shoulder. You try not to shrink down any further. He pulls you against him just slightly. 

"And that? Is it good?" Kemp asks.

Andy answers the same as last time and you echo him with another stiff nod. Kemp seems pleased as he claps his hands together. He drops his arms and frames his hips.

"Okay, one last thing for today," he begins, "and Andrew, you can relax, I want her to initiate." He looks at you and your eyes meet for a brief moment, "a kiss."

"On the lips?" Andy asks, reminding you of how you chickened out and pecked his cheek earlier.

"Yes, just a small one,” Kemp encourages you.

You hesitate as you feel the tension in Andy’s body firm. Oh no, you don’t want to let him down. You reach up to rub your cheek and slowly slide forward. You lift your head and face Andy cautiously as he looks over at you.

You can’t look him in the eye. Your ears thrum loudly as your gaze falls to his lips. You feel like you’re choking on air. Just do it. Just get it over with. It’s what you have to do to make him happy and maybe if you make him happy, you might be happy too.

You lean in, awkward as you’re unsure of the angle. You hover before him, quivering with doubt. You make yourself move forward and press your lips to his, letting out a squeak as your mouths meet. You hold yourself there for as long as you can before you pull away.

You sit back and stare at your lap. Your whole body is buzzing with a mix of hot and cold. You don’t know how you feel, you just feel different.

“That was good,” Kemp says, “wasn’t it, Andrew?”

“Y-yes,” Andy rasps, “see, dove,” he puts his hand on your knee, “we’ll work on it, huh?”

[writing-in-the-impala]

Secret Smokes (Part 3)

Pairing: Teacher! Remus Lupin x Reader

Series Summary: When the reader bumps into the new DADA professor on the bridge in Hogwarts she begins to build a friendship with him all thanks to their shared feeling of not belonging and love for muggle cigarettes. Their friendship blooms while they both fight internal battles deciding what is wrong and what is right leading to a lot of fluff, angst, flirting and a rollercoaster of emotions.

Warnings: Swearing, Drinking, teacher-student relationship (but like it’s all legal chill), SLOWburn we’re in for a long ride

Word Count: 2038

A/N: Once again thank you for all the love this is a side blog so I can't reply from this account to you all below the post but I read every word I promise. You guys are the best ! Some people have asked about being tagged, yes I can tag you! So if you want to be added leave me a reply below and I'll tag you in the future parts and if you decide you want to be untagged just message me and I'll remove you it's okay I won't judge.

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Over the next few weeks you committed to showing up to lessons more often, you spent time with the Weasley's but you avoided getting into trouble. People started noticing the sudden change in your behaviour and dedication to your studies, Percy was very proud of your change in attitude and believed his talk with you helped you get there, you let him believe it but really it was all profesor Lupins doing. Unfortunately his class was the one you got the worst grades in, it was okay when you didn't attend and got bad grades but even with attendance they didn't grow it was your weakest subject.

Your evening smokes continued some days Lupin was there some he wasn't but he was there often some days he wouldn't smoke he would just be there to talk with you, your conversations turned deeper than they used to be as you got to know each other and you looked forward to them, you saw him as someone you truly connected with, yes the girly attraction was still there but what girl didn't find him attractive he had girls flirting with him constantly. It did make you feel uncomfortable watching the girls put bright lipstick on before entering his class and staying behind to ask him questions or for extra lessons, but he seemed to not mind and act profesional giving the girls extra lessons and paying no attention to their advances.

You had DADA last on Fridays which normally would've meant a lot of people not paying attention and aching to leave but profesor Lupin kept the class entertaining and engaging. It was a practical lesson, the ones your dread because with lack of practice you genuinely sucked at practical lessons. But you got through it and you were excited for the weekend to start, before you left the class Lupin asked you to stay behind. So you said bye to Percy and a few others telling them you'll join them later, you weren't worried that you'll get told off like with most teachers when they ask you to stay behind it was Lupin so you patiently waited for the last few girls to say "bye profesor" while walking out and then went over to his desk where he had sat down.

"What's up?" You asked as you approached his desk.

"Please, sit down Y/N." He said quite formally gesturing to the seat in front of him, now you were getting worried. "I'd like to speak with you about your grades." He paused and saw your face drop before continuing. "Now please don't think of this as a telling off, your attendance is better this year than any year before and I've heard great things from your other teachers about the progress you've been doing." He said but you still looked worried so he added. "You should be very proud of yourself Y/N." Which made you relax into the chair a bit more. "Nevertheless, I am worried about your grades in my subject as you're doing well in the theory side however it's using the spells in practice that you seem to struggle with. I know you've had a few hard years with the rotation of teacher, some worse than others, so it's not your fault you are in this position." He said all of this formally. "Although notoriously skipping classes for the last sexi years probably didn't help." He said with a small laugh as a friend rather than a teacher. "I want to help you, I've been speaking with your head of house about how we can improve your grades and we believe you need extra lessons, practical magic like this can't be learnt through studying alone in your dorm you need real practice. So I'm happy to offer you tutoring twice a week on Mondays and Wednesdays, to help you catch up." You sat silent still. "You don't have to do this, but profesor McGonagall and I do believe it is in your best interest." He added you just looked down embarrassed that you skipping classes has lead to this. "Okay Y/N I'm dying here please say something." He said casually addressing your silence.

"Thank you profesor." You said.

"How do you feel about my suggestion?" He asked.

"Embarrassed." You stated. "How so?" He asked I'm a caring tone. "I wouldn't be in this situation if I listened to everyone when they told me not to skip so many lessons."

"You're not the only student who will be receiving extra lessons, I have a small group of girls that have asked for extra time that I teach on Tuesdays. If you want you can join them so it's not just one-on-one if that's more comfortable for you?" He offered.

"But I'm the only one who actually needs tutoring. They only asked for it because they have a crush on you." You blurted out in your annoyance.

"Trust me crush or not some of those girls need extra lessons. Still after weeks of receiving them." He said honestly. "They're too busy staring at your lips to learn I guess." You said laughing to yourself, he gave you a gentle smile. "Y/N, you're a quick learner. You know the theory, with a little practice you'll be caught up by Christmas."

"Okay. As long as these lessons are done by 9pm." You said with a hint of humour.

"I would never let education get in the way of your nicotine addiction, I'm not a monster." He replied jokingly. "We have a deal." You say.

"Perfect, now enjoy your weekend." He said and you took that as a queue to leave. "And Y/N, don't let this overshadow all the effort you've been putting into your studies, you're doing amazing." He said whole heartedly.

"Thank you professor." You said leaving the classroom. You looked him as a teacher so if you needed anyone to give you extra lessons you were glad it was him.

You went straight to the great hall for dinner after your conversation with Lupin, Fred and George had a space saved for you next to them. "What took you so long?" Fred asked.

"Lupin is making me take extra lessons." You said solemn.

"Bullshit, you've been studying harder than ever."  Fred expressed.  "I know but I'm still behind, plus it's only two days a week and he said it'll only be until Christmas." You explained.

"I think it's a conspiracy." George stated. "Now why's that?" You ask amused. "They're obviously trying to keep you away from us so we don't pull any pranks." He expresses. "This has old minnie all over it." Fred adds sniffing the air comedically.

"Now that you mention it..." you say looking over at the teachers table watching Lupin and McGonagall speaking. "...Lupin did mention this being her idea."

"See! Merlin, Y/N we need to pull a prank now." George states. "Show them we can't be stopped so easily." Fred adds. "I don't know guys, I've been enjoying not sitting in detention."

"George, she's getting all soft." Fred states. "Now that's not okay." George replies and they both have a cheeky smile before they stand up and suddenly pick you up while you protest taking you out the great hall while you laugh and tell them to stop, you hadn't even had time to eat before the kidnapping and the whole school watched this happen but the boys didn't care. They carried you straight to the dorm room plopping you down on the sofa. "Y/N it's time to plan our first big prank of the year." George begins. "Perfect timing as well as we can go to Hogsmeade over the weekend to get any supplies we need."  You laugh and agree to the plotting, you plan a prank. It was to happen in the library, the plan was to hex every book, the books about animals would bite you, the books about history would disintegrate in your hands, the books about plants would be filled with soil and so on. You would obviously need to take all the real books and hide them but that wasn't a problem using the marauders map. You were looking at the map when you noticed Lupin was already standing on the bridge, you checked your watch and it was after 9pm already, he was just standing there you felt like you were missing out on seeing him plus you were scared he'd think you're ignoring him after your conversation earlier. "Boys I need to go, it was a pleasure scheming with you as always. I'll see you tomorrow." And with that you took the map, put it in your pocket and headed for the bridge. When you were around the corner you saw Lupin walking down the corridor in your direction, he must've finished smoking you thought. "Good evening professor." You said with a smile and me looked up at you with a grin. "Evening, Y/N. Evening stroll?" He questioned as if to ask why you didn't go to the bridge tonight.

"Just going to destress." You said showing him your pack of cigarettes.

"I forgot mine in my office I was just going to go get them." He explained, odd because he had been standing on the bridge for a while you think to yourself.

"You can borrow one of mine." You state.

"I'll give you two tomorrow." He replies turning around to walk with you. "I hope I wasn't too harsh on you today." He says as you walk after a moment of silence.

"You weren't harsh at all." You say with a hint of confusion.

"I didn't think you would come here today in all honesty, after the way you looked at me after class and during dinner." He said with a soft smile but you could tell there was some hurt behind there. "How did I look at you?" You ask.

"Differently." He simply stated, maybe because usually you look with admiration and a bit of lust while now you were looking at him like at a teacher for the first time.

"Well you are about to ruin two evenings a week for me by making me study." You remark.

"Is that how you see spending time with me? Am I ruining your evening right now?" He teased.

"You know what I mean, this Lupin isn't the same as profesor Lupin." You say adding emphasis to professor.

"I am the same person Y/N. If you're afraid that I'm going to be making you write essays and do homework you're mistaken, I promise I'll make the evenings fun." He says in his teacher tone. Maybe it was the mischievous energy from planning a prank that allowed you to say what followed maybe it was purely forgetting he's not your friend but you replied with. "Fun evenings? What does that mean?" You watched him swallow getting a bit uncomfortable and not knowing how to answer. "I mean don't treat it like a punishment. I'm just trying to help." Your brain went straight to replying with something inappropriate about getting punished but you held your tongue as you didn't want to push it too far.

"I hope you don't think I hate you, I really enjoy our talks." You say. I really only came here to talk to you, I feel like smoking on a empty stomach will make me feel worse." You we're over sharing now but he didn't seem to mind.

"I watched you get carried out by the Weasley twins before dinner, the whole school did." Lupin remarked unamused making your face go red.

"Yeah they were messing around and wanted to go talk as they said I've been too busy with lessons this year."

"They sound like a bad influence," He said sternly before pausing and thinking. " keep them around sometimes you need friends like that." He added.

"Profesor you're great at encouraging bad behaviour." You say laughing.

"Friendships like that are sometimes very important, if only you knew what I got up to when I was your age." He said with a soft reminding smile.

"And what would that be?"

"I can't say, I'm your teacher after all." He added a wink at the end which you didn't know the meaning of, but all you did know was you wouldn't find out anything more about his past.

NEXT CHAPTER | More stuff I wrote

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@thesoundresoundsecho @ahoyyharrington

[t0ast-ghost]

I will not shut up about Star Trek TOS yet and you’ve decided to listen in on that. So welcome to my thoughts on the 11th episode (The Corbomite Maneuver):

- starting off strong with these camera angles and movements

- *sees a spinning colourful cube in space* just go a bit to the left (he is not up for shenanigans today)

- can’t wait for Checkov to be introduced, I hear he gets a gun or smt

- WHAT IS THAT PHYSICAL CHECK??? Why does he have to lie on his back?? And why does he have to have his shirt off?

- if I were Spock trying to call the captain and he picks up and all I’d see was his tits… all I’m saying is he keeps a really good straight face

- OMG we got a “what am I a moon shuttle conductor or a doctor?”

- Sulu laughing at Spock’s sense of humour

- the close up on Kirk’s ass as he leaves the room is so intentional

- Bones sitting on the railing…

- how many surfaces can I sit on competition but my opponent is Leonard Bones McCoy

- just to prove my point the next scene starts with him sitting on a table

- god I feel bad for Scotty having to sit between McCoy and Spock in some of those meetings

- Sulu was cool as a cucumber

- “do you ever tire of questioning me on things you’ve already made your mind up about?” “it gives me emotional security” they are each others emotional support guy (Spock & Kirk)

- Kirk saying“navigation, you’re timing was lousy. Same with engineering, Helmsman” then Bones immediately after “you’re timing was lousy”

- how can you sit in a chair like that even (bones)

- Alexa play tik tok by Kesha

- (okay now I’m just imagining Spock dancing like one of those spider-man memes but completely straight faced (also Spock now listens to Kesha canonically but like in my head))

- THE FUCK IS THAT FUCKING THING??? THAT IS A PUPPET!

- Bones is so caring, he has so much fucking compassion I won’t shut up about him

- “you now have seven minutes left” but there’s 23 minutes left in the episode. Guess a lot of it’s just gonna be dead air… er space I mean (yeah I can come up with a better line than this later (edit: no I can’t I’m tired))

- SPOCK IS SO SAD. He truly thinks this is a hopeless situation.

- Bones is about to die in four minutes and he’s threatening Kirk because of the fact that he put Bailey’s health at risk… I love this man

- “Anytime you can bluff me, doctor” I can’t legally say what I thought was said but maybe the ancient archaeologists will know from context clues

- I don’t think Uhura has spoken to most of the bridge crew up to this point, she barely has had plot or even dialogue, I can’t wait till they give her an episode or just even make her more central

- Spock going to Kirk’s side after the bluff for emotional support

- Spock is so proud when talking about his mom :)))

- Your science and medical officers usually shouldn’t stand so close to your chair and clutch at it while leaning over you. It’s not normal behaviour.

- Okay I’d like to mention how calm Sulu has been and how much I love him, can we please get more of him in future episodes?

- wait so Bones is just gonna let Bailey go back to work? Like I get they apologized to each other but that doesn’t change that it’s still a bad idea to have him there

- Spock, Kirk, and McCoy immediately after the death threat is gone: guess it’s time to start flirting again

[Video description: Spock stands on the bridge, he says, “A very interesting game, this poker.” Kirk sitting in his captains chair replies, “It does have advantages over chess.” McCoy smiling at Spock adds, “Love to teach it to you.” Spock smiles back at him. End description]

- he’s got a twinkle in his eye

- The shake on the bridge as the tractor beam tows them is so funny if you watch Spock and McCoy (it continues to be funny for the next couple minutes)

- "Captain request to-" "Denied. If it's a trap.. If I'm wrong, I want you here" awwe he wants him safe (idc that this is not what the writers are trying to say, HE WANTS SPOCK SAFE)

- they all have to bend over on the transporter pad but when they get transported Bones isn't even bent he's just standing at his normal height slightly hunched

- HOLY CRAP I HATE THAT THING... I'm so glad it's a puppet

- nope okay I don't know what's happening, I can't. I'm. What.

- that is apple cider, they are sitting around this guy trying to drink apple cider

- McCoy doesn't know what the fuck to do right now and neither do I

Now imagine, if you will, Spock dancing

Thank you, and have a good day.

Master post of past/future episodes

[theroosterfairytaler]

His Sweet Pea: One-shot | Bo Sinclair × Reader

___________________________

Summary: Ever since they were young, way back to their kindergarten days. Bo had always been obsessed with (Y/n). He was kind only to her, constantly making sure she remained close to him, and tried his best to control himself when it came to his anger. But of course, nothing lasts forever. Ending up with her moving away after the sugar mill had shut down. Twenty years later, Bo had managed to satisfy his urges, and Vincent began to imitate his mother's work in a more sinister manner. She had come back home. Meeting the Sinclairs once again and witnessing the horrors of the nearly abandoned Ambrose.

Sometimes, when I'm lying in bed late at night, I am unable to sleep because of the many thoughts rushing through and dissappearing quickly as they come in my head. But it's always mainly for a simple yet stupid reason. I can't stop thinking about him. No matter how hard I try to forget him.

He smiled at her, and though it was meant to be reassuring, it came off as rather more sinister. He reached out to gently tuck a stray curl of her hair behind her ear.

"Sweet Pea. My Sweet Pea." He murmured. Bo was obsessed with her, and his brothers knew it. He killed for her. He's killed so many for her. But she was never his, though he tried to make her, and it drove him to madness when she was stubborn.

I wanted to avoid this place, this town, his brothers, him. Yet here I am, stuck in a chair that was meant for him, his tantrums, and his unstable behaviour. I always knew that Beauregard Sinclair wasn't a normal child. Not because he was known as the bad influence or constant violence like outbursts. But because I already could foresee a future, which he wouldn't be a saint.

He grabbed her chin between his thumb and index, and forced her to look up at him. A wicked grin played at his lips. He always took pleasure in how much she squirmed and pulled away.

"You up and left me, Sweet Pea." He spoke lowly. There was no anger in his voice, but the edge of his tone was there. "Why'd ya go and do that?" He asked, moving his hand to brush a thumb across her cheek, gently caressing it, ignoring as she flinched. It was an answer.

I always wanted to avoid telling anybody. Not only for the reason that I wanted to hord all of my thoughts to myself. But because the answer made me sound so pathetic, so guilty, so blameable, so... so cowardly. The answer wasn't because I was scared of Bo. No, no, no, no... that couldn't be farther from the truth. But it was after a realisation. I tried, I really did try, please, anybody on this earth, believe me. In the end... I could not.... I couldn't make a single change in anything. No matter what tactic I chose, it would just end the same. I was just a bystander. And when a bystander is well aware of this. The only thing that sounds reasonable for them....is to leave. Escape before you are intertwined in a future that will lead to your doom.

He leaned down, so that he was eye level. His hand still remained on the side of her cheek, not moving in fear of her pulling away. And his cigarette now dangled from the corner of his mouth.

"Well, Sweet Pea." He murmured softly. "Why don't ya tell me?" He demanded in that low tone again, the one that was almost a growl but softer when he spoke to her, rather than others. It was his soft tone. One of the only soft things about him.

"You know I couldn't stay Bo... the sugar mil had shut down, remember?" It wasn't a lie. It was the reason why her family wanted to move away from Ambrose. But it didn't exactly excuse her actions from not trying to reach out to him. He narrowed his eyes at her, though they still held that softness in them, hidden slightly.

Her answer seemed reasonable. Though, he wasn't sure he believed she was telling the truth. It felt far too vague, especially from her. So, he squeezed her cheeks, not hard enough to bruise, but enough as a warning.

"That ain't what I meant, and you know it." His tone was harsher now as he got closer. Her mouth got shut tightly at that, she dosen’t get why it even mattered in the end.

"Why do you want to know so badly, Bo? It's in the past, don't you think? And you'll just get rid of me like the rest." He scoffed, glaring at her now, letting go of her face. "I ain't never wanted to get rid of you." He sneered, his jaw clenching slightly.

"I really wanted ya to stick around." Bo spoke softer now. "I wanted ya to be mine. I still want that, y'know." She stayed silent at that as she didn't say anything for a few seconds, only to let out one word in an almost silent mumble.

"...What?" Did she hear him, right? Since when? That can't be true... he's lying. He's lying as always. He sighed heavily, straightening up so he towered over her again, cigarette forgotten as he pulled it from his mouth.

"You heard what I said." Bo knew he was a bad person. He was toxic, psychotic, and obsessive. He didn't like admitting this. He did though. He hated how much he craved her, his sweet pea. He hated how desperate he became for her, but only for her. She was the only one who made him soft. Made him feel human and not like a monster. But why? WHY!? What made him even think of that? What made him so determined to get her like this. Like all of those other women before her, only to tell her he wanted her alive. She dosen’t get it! She dosen’t understand him anymore. And that frustrates her. Because it's an anathor reminder that they had grown up away from each other.

He could tell she was growing frustrated. His heart felt something. Not love, not even affection. Or maybe it was both. He wasn't sure how to tell anymore. But it made him feel vulnerable. He hated being vulnerable. He turned from her and grabbed his lighter again. Bo knew what made him feel like this, that he wanted her alive. But he couldn't bring himself to say those words. Not yet. He still felt hurt after so many years of her leaving him. The woman couldn't help but feel her eyes beginning to build up by her frustration. Her emotional heart could not handle the situation she was going through anymore. As Bo turned his gaze back to the shorter woman, he knew he had to say something, not those three words he couldn't spout out to anybody. But sometimes, to remind his girl what made him so determined to have her, what sealed the deal and gave him that hope. He walked a bit slowly to her as he leaned down to begin wiping her tears away.

"Now, don't go a-cryin' on me (y/n). I ain't gonna hurt ya, cross my heart. I'm just gonna tie the knot like I promised, Sweet Pea." She was silent. As she was so often. Silent, yet observant. Watching his every move carefully as he knelt down again, to wipe her tears as if he was so caring. She would have pushed him away, if only she wasn't tied to the chair. Not that she could even move, as his hand was on her cheek. She didn't say anything, just sniffed, as more tears fell. She hated crying. It was a weakness. Yet, Bo was the only one who would see her cry and wipe those tears away, and not use it against her. Bo was gentle with her when he reached out to wipe her tears. He always was. He knew her limits, and how soft she was. He didn't want to admit it, but he wanted to keep her like that. Soft, kind, but only for him. He hated seeing her cry. Even hearing her sniffle made something in his heart twitch painfully, a reminder how much she had an effect on him. He didn't want to be weak. But she made him weak.

"Don't cry, Sweet Pea. Not for me." He murmured, leaning down so they were closer again. She closed her eyes, forcing the tears to stop. She sniffled another time, letting a shaky breath leave her as she felt his close presence. God, she hated how soft he made her. She didn't want to care, and she didn't want him to know that she had missed him. But how was she meant to feel, with him this close? It was clear she was struggling to stop her emotions, but Bo knew she was trying. He couldn't convince her now, Bo knew it for sure. He wasn't a delusional man. He knew she didn't want this, and to be honest. He didn't want it to end up like this either. But what else was he supposed to do? It was one thing when she came back to Ambrose for car troubles. But anathor with that damn... boyfriend of hers. God, even thinking about that guy, made Bo grit his teeth. But he needed to hold it together, for her sake. She opened her eyes, and he could see the emotion there easily. The one that had him obsessed with her, the one that ruined him. He hoped too hard she still felt for him. Her lips parted slightly, to say something. Anything. But she had nothing to say. She hated how he ruined her. She felt so many things that she had worked years to suppress, that were ruined in this moment. The sight of her was enough. She looked small and helpless in the chair, and her slightly parted lips made his obsession grow. He wanted her. He wanted her to be his.

His sweet pea. His, and no one else's.

He leaned forwards again, his forehead resting against hers. It felt so familiar, the feeling of their faces close. It felt even more like home. Bo would take care of her, fix her a bit to his desire in order to live the life he invisioned for them both. He didn't want her to change that much. He still loved his little firecracker. But he needed his sweet pea back again, the kind-hearted understanding sweet pea...

Author: I did it! I wrote my first ever one-shot! I'm proud of myself. This one is based on that imagined scenario I made about Bo a few weeks ago that I wanted to make a one-shot for a while now, but I had been too busy to finish it. Either way, I hope I managed to write it the way you guys imagined it.

[lassieposting]

Chinhands

Okay so like, long post incoming, but here me out:

This isn’t my first post on Astarion & CPTSD – there’s this one here, about some of the more obvious symptoms he might end up dealing with during his healing journey; there’s also this one, about some ways his lover might use magic to help support him in a world without therapy; and then there’s this one, which is headcanons rather than meta, but has my thoughts on vampires as camouflage predators, and how Astarion might change physically as he goes from starving to well-fed. Those kinda tie into this so, linked for easy context.

But those posts all focus on the visible aspects of CPTSD – the symptoms everyone around you can pick up on. And. The thing is. A lot of the longterm effects of extensive trauma are actually not outwardly obvious. They're quiet. Insidious. Fundamental facets of your worldview become warped and twisted by your traumatic experiences. You look at the world - or at least, the parts of the world affectd by your trauma - through a goddamn funhouse mirror, and that's your normal. And part of the healing process - I'll pause here for us all to share a collective bitter laugh - is realising just how broken your idea of How The World Works is, and having to relearn from the ground up how things actually function outside of your trauma bubble.

So, y’all know what I think Astarion would struggle with without even realising it?

Disordered eating. A messy, complicated, love-hate relationship with food and how feeding makes him feel about himself.

Like. Most living things are hardwired to avoid certain negative experiences. A creature that has starved will often hoard food to ensure they won’t starve again. A creature that has fallen from a great height and experienced physical pain will be more careful to avoid other falls in future. A social creature that has experienced humiliation or disgrace will be distressed by those feelings, and adjust their behaviour to try and avoid feeling them again. The more bad experiences we have with a specific stimulus – drinking blood, in Astarion's case - the more we associate that stimulus with the negative physical or emotional consequences we will suffer, and the more avoidant we are likely to become.

As a real life example: an autistic child who talks enthusiastically about her special interest and is met with mockery and social rejection by her classmates will learn to hide her authentic self from the world to try and fit in: the pain of the bullying motivates her to distance herself from her own autistic tendencies, which are an essential component of how her brain works. She ends up trapped between her deep desire to engage with her special interest, and the training she has received from her peers that to do so is bad, unacceptable, social suicide. She learns to hate her autistic behaviours for causing her to be bullied, but she still feels the need to engage in them.

Astarion is in the same boat. He craves blood anyway as a vampire, and the hunger is made all the more intense because he is starving. But for the first 200-ish years of his undeath, we know that feeding has been a deeply unpleasant experience for him, and that will have left a deep imprint on how he sees the act of feeding, how it makes him feel. To eat is one of the most basic instincts of every single living (and, in this case, undead) creature, a fundamental source of positive emotions (satisfaction, fullness, satiety, enjoyment, happy taste buds etc) with a massive impact on a creature's quality of life - and Cazador has gleefully warped and twisted the very concept into an attack on his spawns' personhood. He uses it to dehumanize and humiliate them, and that's all they've ever known. So they will have learned to associate feeding with deeply negative emotions - humiliation, shame, disgust, fear and pain. For example:

STARVATION

Astarion tells us that Cazador fed him just barely enough to keep him functioning. Starvation is a trauma that, on its own, is likely to cause disordered coping behaviours in the victim. We actually see some of these in-game:

Astarion keeps a sizeable stash of bottled blood in his tent. This is an example of resource hoarding – he’s afraid of starving again, and he’s stockpiling food as a safeguard.

Individuals who have suffered starvation (or who have been forced to follow a restrictive diet by a parent as adolescents) often find that they struggle to impose healthy limits on their own food intake once food is plentiful lor they age out of the parent’s dietary control). We see this in Astarion during the bite scene: he can kill the player character if they fail a roll to convince or force him to stop feeding before he drains them dry.

We know that Astarion's feeding time is late at night – he tells the player that he’ll come to them for a meal once they’re in their bedroll and everyone is asleep. This seems like a strange choice, considering Astarion's tenuous self-control, but my personal headcanon is that he feeds so late because, like many starved creatures, he’s food-aggressive. Cazador absolutely seems the type to throw an insufficient number of rats to his starving spawn for them to fight over: Astarion is likely used to having to viciously defend his paltry meal, or one of his siblings will take it from him. So the player starts out offering him breakfast along with everyone else – but they’re interrupted, Gale nearly loses a hand when Astarion snaps at him, and the decision is made to feed him separately, so he doesn’t feel threatened.

SENSORY DISTRESS

Astarion talks about being compelled to choke down the blood of bugs and putrid rat corpses - at one point idly remarking that, "I've eaten things that would disgust most vultures." - so we know that a lot of what Cazador was feeding him was a) already dead and b) actively going off, and that offers up so many potential sensory triggers.

After death, blood begins to coagulate, clotting and curdling into a semisolid - that could be a texture issue.

Rotting corpses smell vile - that could be a scent issue.

We know putrid corpse blood doesn't taste good to vampires - iirc he calls it sewer water or dirty ditch-water, in comparison to "plonk" (woodland animal blood) and "fine wine" (the player character's blood).

Corpses often also come with the lovely bonus of maggots, which are a hardcoded signal to humans (and presumably elves) that food is no longer fit for consumption. The disgust response is instinctive, to make us avoid eating the rotten item. But Astarion would’ve had to choke it down anyway – probably wanting to hurl all the while.

NEGATIVE ASSOCIATIONS

Astarion tells us at one point that if he refused the disgusting carcasses Cazador gave him, his alternative was being flayed alive. That makes the disgusting food a choice, and one he doesn't really have any choice but to make. He would also need to be fed after his torture sessions in the kennels, to give him enough blood to heal himself before being sent out after more victims. This would eventually build a link in his mind between being fed and being hurt.  

There's also a dialogue where Astarion explicitly tells us that Cazador would suggest they dine together after Astarion brought someone home for his master to feed on. The alternative, as above, is getting flayed. So that makes a horrible three-way feedback loop of negative emotions: being forced to prostitute himself -> being forced to feed -> being tortured -> being forced to feed again -> and round and round again.

BODY IMAGE

This one is more headcanon than theory and ties into my other post about vampire biology, but it's still a point worth mentioning imo. Astarion's life has essentially revolved around sex, however unwilling, for 200 years, and that's become intrinsically linked with his identity - the way he sees himself, the way he interacts with the world. He makes several comments that all but explicitly state that he views himself as a prostitute, and his entire survival strategy in the outside world hinges on his ability to essentially leverage his attractiveness and his bedroom skills to snag himself a smitten protector. Iirc, there's a point in one of the breakup dialogue trees where he'll bitterly refer to sex as his only talent and say that he knows what people think he's good for. He is putting on an act almost constantly, always thinking about how best to portray himself to get the outcome he wants, how to make use of his target's desire for him.

And? This man has, for 200 years, been taught that people like him starving. He knows that the dehydrated-muscle, prominent-collarbone, deathly-pale hungry-eyed vampire look works for him. He's been found consistently desirable even though he doesn't look anything like a healthy, well-fed vampire should, and for someone who's so reliant on being hot, that's going to be hard to let go of. At this point, it may well make him anxious to be so well-fed that his body functions start coming back online, that he can fill out a little to how he looked when Cazador first turned him, that his unshakeable seducer act can be disrupted by things like blushing for flattery. After 200 years of seeing your body starving and thinking that that is how you are at your most attractive, being able to far better imitate a living elf could well be quite distressing for him.

So. At this point, as the game begins, Astarion most likely mostly hates feeding. It makes him feel terrible – degraded, humiliated, disgusted – and has almost no redeeming features. The blood he’s getting doesn’t even taste good, let alone sate his hunger. Feeding him is, essentially, just another torture technique of Cazador's. And yet, he still craves it desperately – debases himself begging for it, feels pathetically grateful for the tiniest scrap he’s given, finds his mouth watering at the sight of vermin. That’s already a horrible, mixed-up place to be emotionally.

And now it's going to get more confusing for him. Enter the player character.

Astarion gets to feed on a thinking creature for the first time, and with it, an array of positive emotions and sensations he's never gotten to experience before, in all the time he’s been a vampire. For example:

SOCIAL SUPPORT

When the PC calls Astarion out for trying to sneakily bite them in their sleep, he explains that he usually feeds on animals, but he's currently too weak and slow to bring any down. This is interesting, because in his Origin, it's a nightmare about Cazador that prompts him to bite a companion. But...I don't think it's a lie. We see multiple times throughout the game that Astarion doesn't cope well with being put on the spot - he gets flustered and kind of starts rambling - but this line comes off without hesitation. It is, if not the truth, still a truth. And the PC doesn't take advantage of that admission - he's vulnerable, but the PC doesn't hurt him or try to make him pay them with sex. Instead they just...feed him.

PHYSICAL STRENGTH & MENTAL CLARITY

He explicitly tells you that he feels strong after drinking from you – and he goes straight out hunting, backing that up – and he has a surprised exclamation that his mind is “finally clear”. He’s been living with hunger-induced brain fog for centuries. He must feel like you’ve given him his brain back.

JOY

He’s sated. He just had a meal that tasted good. He's getting all those positive food feelings for the first time - a massive rush of endorphins to a brain starved of happy chemicals for two hundred years. How many things have made this man happy since he died? It would be overwhelming.

CONNECTION

Held up against how Astarion is used to being treated, this gesture from the PC is an overwhelming show of kindness and generosity. They choose to trust him - even though, as he'll admit in the graveyard, that's an objectively stupid thing to do - and they offer freely something that makes him feel good. Him, a man who's usually forced to degrade himself for "rewards" that make him feel terrible. And as if that's not enough, they accept him for what he is, continue to give him the protection of a group, and they defend him to the others in the morning. He's feeling grateful and giddy and warm for the first time in centuries, and he knows it's all thanks to you.

But

That's going to give him a lot of complicated feelings, because he still has all those negative emotions related to feeding too. And they're not going to go away just because he's found out thinking creature blood is actually nice. They're going to clash against that new enjoyment and make him feel all confused and weird and mixed up. He might still feel shame, even though he enjoyed the meal. He might still find himself wrestling with pointless dread, because he associates feeding with torture and abuse, even though he knows Cazador is miles and miles away. It's a small step towards seeing feeding in a less negative light, but that’s all. And like, up to this point he hasn’t even realised that he might be able to enjoy drinking blood, because to him, Cazador's horrors are normal. That’s all he’s ever known – the only experience of food he’s ever had as a vampire. Feeding Is Horrible And Degrading is a fundamental fact of life that he’s just starting to realise...may not actually be true. That’s like...having a rug yanked out from under his feet. Scary. Distressing. Out of control. Which could make him lean more towards avoiding feeding for a while, to get that control back.

So how do the scales start to tip more towards really enjoying feeding?

I think it would be the introduction of the social aspect. As just this once becomes regular feeding arrangement, he's going to realise that he gets the high of all those positive emotions every time he feeds from the PC, and he's going to start associating that giddy, happy feeling with them specifically. Because we know that while animal blood is Fine He Guesses, and he does get merry on bear blood at one point, it's nothing remotely close to person blood. Woodland creatures still make up a decent chunk of his diet, but he doesn't get the same emotional kick out of them.

And like. He likes feeling good like that. It's addictive. So he'll keep wanting to go back for more – making excuses to spend more time with them, with feeding being a very convenient excuse. He's creating a positive feedback loop for himself of happy chemicals and like, crush feelings, and every time he indulges, he’s unwittingly handing over tiny little fragments of trust and affection in exchange. It's difficult not to start liking someone who makes you feel good, especially if you're so unfamiliar with the feeling. He finds himself that little bit less tense around his willing midnight snack. He laughs more easily around them, finds he's more inclined to indulge do-gooder tendencies, realises he's starting to enjoy spending time with them. He doesn't necessarily realise it, but feeding is no longer just about quenching his blood thirst. It's become a bonding activity. He’s like a semiferal rescue animal, building an emotional connection with you as protector and provider. He’s learning that you’re trustworthy.

And then, as your relationship with him develops and deepens, sex gets involved, and he plays himself.

In one of the dialogues where Astarion offers the PC sex, he explicitly calls it a reward for feeding him, and flirtatiously brings up PC's biting kink - that he can tell they enjoy it when he drinks their blood. This always lowkey makes me laugh because like. Up to this point, Astarion has had no reason to ever connect feeding with sex. Cazador doesn't let him drink from thinking creatures, and since Astarion talks about his prey being "dragged away" to be fed on, it seems like Cazador generally took his meals privately, so mixing the two isn't something Astarion got from watching him. This is something he's picked up from you.

Anyway. I'm not sure which way around they happen, but during his first sex scene, Tav gets the option to encourage him to bite them again, and he will. Obviously, he's not going to turn down "vintage wine", but this also makes strategic sense from the perspective of his plan to get Tav to protect him - he's probably thinking that he's locked them down because they can't scratch this particular itch elsewhere. They now need him. Except - whoops, he actually likes sleeping with them, and he's starting to catch feelings. And because he's come to associate biting Tav with all those good feelings anyway, making it A Sex Thing just shifts his perspective a little, makes him realise that he’s getting something out of these interactions that he gets hooked on.

Feeding has become a source of emotional intimacy. He's beginning to feel loved, cared for, valued. Close to the PC. And that, to someone so utterly love-deprived, is potentially enough to make it feel more positive than negative over time.

(As a side note, I quite like the idea that it'll become a sort of self-soothing strategy for him for a while. If he's stressed or afraid or hurting, he'll nibble on the PC to remind and reassure himself that he can - that he's safe and loved and no longer starving. He'll nip at them to deliberately induce those positive feelings of emotional closeness in himself, if he thinks they'll outweigh the bad ones that come with.)

But even so, those bad associations will probably never fully go away or stop affecting him. He’ll probably still always hear Cazador's belittling laughter if someone walks in on him feeding – look at you, boy, not so proud now, are you? Crawling on the floor for vermin, how utterly pathetic. He’ll probably always wrestle with feelings of stress and anxiety after feeding for no obvious reason, because his primitive lizard brain still treats it like a traumatic experience sometimes even when he's feeding on his living, trusted lover. It’s going to take him such a long time to wrap his head around just how fucked up all the reactions Cazador trained into him are, how different from his new experiences as a free vampire.

Anyway. Idk how well I explained all these thoughts but. Yeah. Astarion + disordered eating issues.

[libby-for-life]

How do you think this Adam who has memories of death and suffering love and just his long life and after life would deal with the fact that in Eden Death and all these bad things aren't even a thing yet. This Lucifer and Lilith haven't done anything to hurt him yet(aside from lying and sleeping together and avoiding him but now they love him and want him so thats fixed).

They think he is their sweet naive Adam but I wonder if part of him will be frusterated because he sort of ISN'T. would he ever snap at all this affection they want to give him because he can't understand why NOW? want to lash out and make them hurt because when they didn't notice 'Their' sweet adam was replaced? like dude is agrown as man and technically older in experience than these two..had a bunch of kids..went through alot of stuff..death twice even.

lucifer punching him over and over in that final battle despite giving into mercy thanks to charlie..would he wonder if the entire universe was reset? did everything he experience just.... not happen? was it just a vision of the potential future? a bad dream? does he think this is some elaborate punishment like heaven likes to give him and his loved ones when they get prideful or not obedient?

Would he ever miss the versions of lilith and lucifer he knew from the timeline he experienced despite the hurt and pain just because they would be comfortable in their familiarity?

its really interesting because Lilith and lucifer seem the ones more in control with a plan while they believe adam is acting odd and they want to know why but they basically still see them as their normal Adam.

while WE know the balance is a bit different because Adam has knowledge and has known them longer it seems cuz of the memories....

like when Adam fell from the tree it startled them both but i wonder if adam will have moments of being scared or on edge because he remembered when death and actual pain and hurt was a thing while lilith and lucifer might not notice/realize because those havent been invented yet.

considering lucifer is a angel...would he try to look a bit more into why adam's behaviour has changed?

like it seems they think its just adam realized that Lilith was sneaking away to be around lucifer and that adam and lonely and upset they'd lie and that he might have picked up on the distance....which could explain his behaviour....but WE know Adam's change is rooted a bit more deeply than that...will they notice more behaviour changes that don't quite line up with things?

I wonder if adam would ever kind of treat them like kids since these are younger versions of the people he knows? even if he's now in his younger body and technically the same age as lilith his mind/memories are older?

if adam is particularly talented at sex stuff...would lilith and lucifer wonder how he got that good without them realizing?

would adam ever have flashes of feelings like shame of his body or of being naked while lucifer and lilith pick up something wrong bt they won't have the context since shame was a punishment that hasn't been given yet?

and he can't really address it because he is trying not to be caught?

would they even believe him if he came clean about his memories? or is it his best bat to make sure no one has to suffer from the sins and free will? like before lilth seemed bothered about adam just doing as he was told and how it felt like he was going through the motions and just accepting everything at face value so she let herself doubt his ability to choose...but considering this adam know exactly what happens when they break the rules and can be an educated decision...would adam have more conviction in his choice about following the rules now that Lilith would notice or would lucifer and lilith be bias and think they know best and that adam is just being too cautious?

considering lucifer in now both their lovers(i guess) does that mean lucifer won't get in trouble now or would they want Adam to keep it a secret from the other angels?

Is adam startled at the sensitivity of his body even if his mind remembering being used to it?

I wonder if Lucifer and Lilith will catch on that Adam likes touch since Lilith seemed aware that Adam seems to like to cling and be close like the monkeys even if he tried to distance himself? would they start reaching out and touching and holding Adam first more?

i wonder if Adam will do more stuff for music to be made and stuff?

would Adam try working out to get stronger just in case he ever gets kicked out of Eden again?

dude wants to be upset at them so much but these versions are so sweet and feel so young vs the ones he knew and haven't done the worst yet. I wonder if he ever notices aspects the versions HE knows in his normal timeline now that he's comparing them to more naive honest versions of themselves...like they think they are so sneaky but is it kindof cute compared to their future versions? does he notice lucifer looks sincerely happy here and aspects compared to the more bravado version who was smug and kicked his ass but who was definitely also depressed? how lucifer likes creating things and was so gentle now but in that future needed someone else to snap him out of his rage....(though to be fair adam can probably understand a fathers protective rage). would adam compare this lilith to the one he made a deal with in the regular timelines? would lilith have a front to? but be more aware this lilith isn't really doing stuff for long planning just yet.

I wonder if Adam will also notice aspects like how this lucifer is treated by heaven or get lilith to actually tell him why she'd lie instead of hashing it out properly since dude WAS a father so probably could realize people don't react the way they do out of nowhere.

Does this Adam ever reflect on how he reacted to get where he was in the final battle before he was stabbed?

though I guess he never really knew why he was in heaven anyway so randomly getting thrown into the past wouldn't be the weirdness thing over all he's done. I wonder if he'll ever think about how he's killed people and seen people die and how this lucifer and lilith have no idea about that aspect and how scary it can be...hmmm.

will the other angels catch on that something is up?

Okay, so a lot to unpack from the Theirs au of yandere!Lucifer/Adam/yandere!Lilith. Read that if you don't want spoilers.

Okay, so Adam would definitely have some points where he does feel overwhelmed by it all. He has experienced more and it's hard to forget all that. He's going to sometimes think if what he experienced was even real...then why was it so vivid? He will even panic when something reminds him too much of his past...or is future? Adam isn't so sure....best not to think about it too hard.

Adam is definitely going to fight their love (read:obsession) and he's going to try to avoid them as best as can. He lasted a week before Lucifer found him in a cave. (Theirs! Part 2). Adam also learns what happens to angels, or humans, when they try to fight their love. Heaven has it's own set of punishment...

Adam wouldn't treat them like kids because they don't look like kids. They don't act like kids and they all have had sex so it would be weird for him to think of them as kids.

He would be conflicted about the *other* versions of Lucifer and Lilith....he doesn't want to think about that. It hurts too much.

Lucifer and Lilith think that they know better and they will delude themselves into thinking Adam will need them. (I'm headcanoning that they gain Knowledge by themselves before even attempting to eat the fruit.) He will try to fight them, but being constantly told that he needs them, being held against his will, and having sex with them until he's brought to sub space, well, it's a bit hard to fight them. He eventually will succumb to their will.

Adam was...okay at sex. But, despite Lilith being relatively new to it and Lucifer showing them all what he learned in Heaven, Adam still feels inexperienced simply because Lilith and Lucifer are *better* at sex than he is. You can have all the knowledge but if you can't implement it, then it's useless.

Lucifer will want Adam to keep their relationship a secret, the other angels would get furious if they knew that he had defiled the first man and woman of humanity.

He will have times of body shame, but Lucifer and Lilith are quick to assure him and love him and hug him until he stops saying them.

They catch it early on that Adam is touch starved, but will fight them, so they hold him against his will until he's calmed down and is docile. (They wait until he stops fighting and gives up due to exhaustion.)

Lucifer and Lilith want to do everything for Asam so they do. Adam doesn't need to work out or do anything too strenuous because they will do it for him.

And, well, they can be sweet to Adam. But they are *very* possessive of Adam. They won't tolerate anyone touching or being with Adam. They will get rid of anyone who thinks they can touch what is theirs. Be it some cherub or a new human that could pop up...they will eliminate the competition. Without Adam's knowledge of course. No need to upset him. (Part 5 of Theirs)

If anyone ever catches on to what they're doing, they will all be thrown out of Eden. Possibly Hell. Lucifer and Lilith won't care as long as they have Adam. Adam will be depressed for a while, but he isn't alone so *eventually* he gets...sort of better.

They will have fronts that they keep in front of Adam. They will try to hide their darker nature that keeps reeling their ugly heads. Adam will eventually see through it, but even now, he still thinks they are...well, weird and touchy and don't listen but he doesn't think of capable of anything truly nefarious.

Not yet anyway...

[outmakingmoonshine]

(Some of) my hopes (and some theories) for S3

The number 1 thing I want is a scene after Nat's had her baby where Carmy sees Syd holding the baby and his entire world stops bc that's all he wants for his future 😭 If Sydcarmy kiss or something I'll be happy and I'll reblog every single gif of it like a normal person BUT if we get a Syd holding the baby scene I'm gonna be uncontrollable on every social media platform available. I might even post it on Reddit and watch the meltdown! This is where the bar of my expectation is for S3. If we get this (or anything remotely like it) I'll be so satisfied, any other good thing that happens between Sydcarmy will be a bonus for me.

We know we're getting a Syd x Pete scene and I want a Carmy x Pete scene where Pete's talking about how great Syd is and Carmy can't help but warm to him a bit more. The potential relationships between Syd x Pete and Pete x Carmy are so important to me 🥹 my three awkward, anxious lonely babies (Pete's not lonely now but I think he probably was once upon a time and the Berzatto men singling him out of the family must make him feel lonely and not good enough :( I love Carmy but I will fight him for Pete's dignity and honour!)

Putting the rest under a cut because it's mostly just my musings and ramblings

I want Nat to say something to Carmy about his relationship with Syd. Nat saw their dynamic before Claire came, she saw Syd's reaction to Claire, how sydcarmy's dynamic changed when Claire was around and how Carmy ditching her made Syd feel. She didn't witness all of that for nothing. Someone's gotta tell Carmy how he's been (unintentionally) making Syd feel and I doubt it'll be Syd.

I need to see Richie start respecting Pete at least a little bit. Carmy's already kind of made a step towards respecting and even appreciating Pete for who he is a bit more but I need to see it from Richie too because I'm pretty sure he's the one who leads that little mob mentality against Pete. Even if it doesn't actually happen this season, I need to see it heading in that direction because Pete doesn't deserve all this slander 😭 I need Richie and Carmy to start seeing that the only difference between them and Pete is that he's mature and confident in who he is. They're both not confident in who they are so their only way of feeling like they're above him/better than him is to make fun of him for it. (IRL grown adults with this infantile mentality get on my last nerve so I need to see them come to a realization soon.)

I want Donna to make amends and start finding peace. I know she's technically an antagonist in this story but it really bothers me the way people dismiss her as if she's some monster like we aren't watching Carmy treat the people he loves the exact same way she does. If we can empathize with a man for his toxic behaviour we can empathize with a woman who was going through her own trauma and loss while she had 3 kids (plus Richie) to look after. Any parent who welcomes another person's child into their family unit for years and makes them feel like part of the family despite whatever she's going through, isn't a monster imo. I know she traumatized her kids but honestly, most parents do that and have no remorse about it. Donna has remorse for her actions and the effect it had on her kids. And what is Carmy doing to Sydney's self-esteem and confidence right now? He's definitely not helping it! l If I can forgive Carmy because he's acting on his trauma and I understand he's not just a horrible person by choice, I can do the same for Donna. I know some ppl just don't like JLC because she's pro-zionist (idek I just saw this online somewhere?) which I understand but at the same time, the actress is seperate to the character. Donna's favourite person in the world is gonna be her beautiful black daughter in law! She's gonna love and appreciate Syd so much.

I want Donna's story to end with her starting to heal so people watching this show know that even late in life when you've made all the worst mistakes and inflicted your pain on others you can still heal and try to right those wrongs. It's never too late to start being a better person. This wasn't meant to turn into a rant about Donna but I think the way some fans talk about her character is so unfair and narrow minded because they don't keep the same energy for Carmy.

Some of my theories for S3

I know no one wants to hear this but I think 3x09 Apologies will be an apology to Claire where Carmy finally comes clean about why he gave her a fake number and why he can't be with her, putting an end to romantic Claire/Carmy for good. If we see the end of Claire in the first few episodes I'll be happy but I doubt they'll waste the "suspense" of Claire/Carmy vs SydCarmy by ending it 3 or even 4, 5 episodes in. I don't think she'll be in all 9 episodes leading up to it tho (please no, I love Molly but that's way too much of Claire.)

JAW said during awards season "Claire deserves an apology" which seemed random to me at the time because no one asked him that, he just brought it up and we all know Syd is the one who deserves the biggest apology from Carmy. Idk if they were filming S3 yet when he said that but he already knows where the story is going. Actors don't just play character's "blind" without knowing something about where their story is leading, especially main characters.

I think they'll do the Syd/Claire switcheroo and make it seem like Carmy's going to apologize to Syd (because it will be glaringly obvious he needs to) but it'll be him telling Claire the truth and ending things with her. Idk if Syd will get an actual apology (it would mirror 1x08 where Marcus got the actual apology and Syd didn't even though she probably deserved it more) but I think we will get some kind of super intimate heartwarming/heartbreaking scene from sydcarmy in that episode, just like 2x09.

Also Ayo said something like sydcarmy fans won't get what they want in S3 and it's the one time I actually believe her.

I think we're going to get some amazing sydcarmy scenes in S3 but I don't think it's going to end well for them. I think S4 will mirror S1 and build their dynamic up again back to what it was before Claire came in 2x03. I think S4 is gonna be THE sydcarmy season.

I'm in two minds about whether Syd will sign the contract or not. I'm leaning towards no because despite it meaning Carmy can't just leave again, going off to do whatever he wants with "wHoEvEr" and she'll have his full focus, I just don't think she wants a legal contract to be the basis of why they're committed to working together. Syd's never tried to tie Carmy to her so I don't think she'll appreciate him doing it to her. Carmy's doing this out of desperation, not out of purely wanting to collaborate with her and Syd will sense that. I think Syd wants him to want to work with her. That's why she never actively tried to get him to stay and work with her in S2 and she could've been way more direct and harsh than "I need your focus like you need mine", Lord knows he would deserve it but she isn't trying to force him. That's why she never made him feel bad about being with Claire either even though he ditched her for Claire right when they were getting closer. She doesn't want to guilt trip him or make him feel like he owes her something, she wants it to be his own decision. She wants him to show that he wants it just like she does. And he does...but he just doesn't know how to show it in a healthy way and toxicity raised him so I can't blame him.

Idk what's gonna happen between Syd & Marcus or Syd & Luca but I don't think it actually needs to be romantic to make Carmy jealous, especially if he and Syd aren't seeing eye to eye. I don't think it's necessarily gonna be romantic for Syd either, even if they see her that way. Just like Carmy didn't really see Claire romantically (in present day anyway) and I will die on that hill. That man had zero romantic interest in her despite literally kissing and having sex with her. It was more like he was just going through the motions of a "normal" relationship than it being something he genuinely wanted. Why does he show SO MUCH want and desire for Syd but not a single iota of the same for Claire?!

Seeing Syd get close to any other man is going to bother Carmy regardless, especially if he knows the man is attracted to her. But I feel like Syd is a 'connection before anything else' kinda girl (Carmy is too, that's why having sex with Claire literally sent him into a spiralling panic attack the morning after) but Syd doesn't have the exact same issues and trauma that Carmy has so I can't see Syd being with or sleeping with someone she doesn't feel connected to like that. I could be wrong but I can't see her changing her mind about Marcus and suddenly dating him at this point. She seems like someone who knows what she wants and won't settle for less just because it's available. (Not that Marcus is "less" than anyone, my sweet little cherub.) I could see her feeling a connection to Luca though, he's basically a calm version of Carmy that pays attention.

Ayo basically saying in an interview that Will Poulter pays attention to her instead of his phone was such a random piece of info imo. I get it made context in the story she was telling but it just seems like such a deliberate pointed thing to bring up knowing right now in the show Syd doesn't feel appreciated or listened to by Carmy. She could've answered the question without mentioning Will at all tbh, and even if she did mention him she didn't need to mention all of that, give us a whole backstory and everything, idk. This might be a reach but I'm pretty sure they give out of context clues like this in interviews, they definitely do it in the show so I wouldn't be surprised.

I think it was a clue about the dynamic between Syd and Luca in S3 and the difference between Carmy and Luca is Carmy's unfocused and makes Syd feel like he doesn't listen to her but Luca makes her feel like he pays attention to her. I still don't think this needs to be in a romantic sense but I'm happy for Syd to get some TLC from a hot blond guy with tattoos before Carmy sees sense.

Idk we'll see how that story plays out in S3 but if the fact Luca pays attention to her is a plot point (even a subtextual one) I'm taking that story from Ayo as an out of context spoiler.

I love Marcus and I adore Lionel BUT I just can't see Marcus and Syd being together. Their vibe is so brother/sister to me that it would just be weird at this point in the show imo. The same way sydcarmy ending the show only ever being "platonic co-workers" would give me weird inappropriate vibes about their dynamic throughout the show. The romantic dynamic between sydcarmy and the platonic dynamic between Syd x Marcus are kinda set in stone imo, especially after S2. It'll be very difficult from a literary standpoint to drastically change those dynamics in a believable way and keep the quality of storytelling and integrity of the show intact at this point. It's not impossible, I just don't think it's likely at all.

I'll be honest, I'm not looking forward to Marcus's storyline in S3. My mum died when I was young so seeing kids (even if they're adults) attending their mum's funeral on shows/movies always makes me emotional, especially when it's a character I care about. (If we get a flashback of Syd at her mum's funeral I might actually die of sadness bc I'm not ready for that! I've had enough time to accept I'm gonna see Marcus's mum's funeral but if they spring Syd's mum's funeral on me too it might actually break me idk.) I am looking forward to seeing him be supported through it though and other than his mother's funeral storyline I'm excited to see where his story goes in S3. I feel like Carmy's gonna be an asshole to him if he starts getting closer to Syd and while I love the angst and jealousy of SydCarmy he better not hurt Marcus's feelings or be too hard on him. I can't wait for some Marcus x Luca scenes too.

I nearly forgot the loml, Tina! I'm so excited to see her story in S3, idek what to expect other than her backstory episode that Ayo's directing 🙌🏽 but I'm sure I will love it. Liza does so well in this role at making me feel things (all of the cast do tbh but Liza as Tina just plucks my heartstrings on a different level.)

If you read this far, thank you I appreciate you 💛

[mellowwhumps]

oc introductions!

heyo! now that i’m finally done with june of doom (which was meant to serve as a basic version of this) here’s all my oc introductions! i cannot for the life of me make it sound interesting but hopefully my future content compensates for that…roles are listed from least to most, but may deviate at times since i love role swap!

i’ll make picrews or coloured references like literally any normal creator. someday. soon. (lies)

side note: their personalities do change a lot between AUs since yknow. choices influence actions so yeah!! same yet different love that…as another side not everything i tag as simply “AU'' is just the main one i usually use since that’s the most developed

i really recommend checking their toyhouses since it goes into a lot more detail :3

haley !! 

toyhouse (both original and AU)

quotelist + more in elowen’s quotelist

roles: whumpee-whumper (ex), caretaker

my scrunkly scrimblo…in a way i’d describe him as half living weapon. why half you may ask? because for the first half of his life he was treated as a human and then abruptly in the second half it just. changed. no more nice words. conflict between his ‘home’ and a neighbouring kingdom peaks, war comes, everything ends, though i mostly don’t focus on the war part haha. this guy knows he’s meant to be wielded and used, but just how much of a weapon is he? 

personality wise, he’s not a talker. despite his generally serious demeanour, he’s a much nicer person to be with than the one who raised him, caring about others because he thinks the world should just be kinder, and maybe if he cares enough he can repent for it all.

for the most part he shifts personalities quite widely between aus…

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halcyon !!

toyhouse (unfinished)

roles: whumpee (ex), caretaker

from the aforementioned neighbouring kingdom! she serves the queen as the captain of the royal knights, yknow the drill, there’s war and they started it. she’s the type of person who believes in what’s right but also won’t hesitate to rethink if her beliefs are wrong. her story is mostly about dealing with all the hard stuff like Feelings and the Aftermath because nobody likes doing that ew.

she’s trying her best. i respect this behaviour

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elowen !!

toyhouse (AU)

quotelist

roles: caretaker turned (reluctant) whumper mostly but no fixed role

the guy that took haley in yeah. he cares. a lot. but sometimes his job matters more. he’s mostly there to drive the plot and then he literally just. dies. but that’s not the end is it? he lives on in haley’s memories, forever an enigma. their relationship is so complicated i wouldn’t do it justice in a short introduction…he’s alive and well in the AU and very relevant though

yes his intentions are good. yes he’s coping with it in the only way he knows how. he does genuinely care. he unwavers in his belief that he wants to give everyone a better life, wants to help more people than he possibly ever could. unfortunately, every decision has its downsides.

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ria !!

toyhouse

roles: whumpee (mostly emotionally i swear)

look. okay. i get to use at least one child for my found family agenda. once again i focus on the aftermath rather than anything else so it's mostly emotional whump

rogue. gremlin. she bites (sometimes) (affectionately) but she’s just dealing with how she simply is. she’s like the glue holding it all together as best as she possibly can, because she can’t even come close to understanding how bad it all was and sometimes that’s just better. can and will go through the five stages of grief before admitting that she cares and actually isn’t as independent as she thinks she is.

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ida !!

toyhouse (AU)

tiny quotelist (w. yuuto)

roles: whumpee, caretaker, whumper (rarely written)

right now i only have the AU version of him! his story’s about identity and somewhat also breaking free. oh and also semi-doomed yaoi but that’s not the problem here. he has a prosthetic arm and heart but that is 100% not his entire personality and just a few of the burdens he carries!! personality-wise he Does Not Care about restrictions but is also the furthest thing from impulsive when it’s most needed

i’m on a roll so this guy definitely gets more development in my writing than whatever i say here so!! check him out

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ibys !!

toyhouse (AU)

roles: whumpee, caretaker

right now i also only have the AU version of them although that and their current design might change someday…his themes are similar to haley (fate + past vs present) but they could not be more different in story and personality despite both being living weapons!! wanted to try a seperate route with them so this happened. they’re so serious but they’re working on it. so yes, since their story is directly intertwined with ida’s, their themes are similarly also about identity!!

the things i have planned for them are definitely more serious and whumpy than my other ocs (yknow. living weapon typical story) but sometimes that’s required for a good ending!! so bear with me and my little scrunkly scrimblo over here i swear they get nice things too

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twelve !!

toyhouse (both original and AU)

quotelist

roles: whumpee

verrill and them are from a completely different universe than above^^ (some of my ocs were previously from their home city though)

honestly their story is just based off one of my favourite dystopian literatures but i change it up a little! sorry their quotelist paints them as such a romantic because i sourced most of them when i was obsessed with their crackship…anyway!! damn this guy (gender neutral) can hold so much trauma with photographic memory that’s literally out for war with them

i think the best way to describe them would be dull exterior colourful interior! they hold so much hope in them…no 1 hurt/comfort extraordinaire

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verrill !!

toyhouse

quotelist

roles: whumpee/caretaker, pretty balanced

he's an adult he just has chronic babyface from my artstyle rip

the catalyst and the end of it all…this guy has Problems and refuses to deal with them. first attempt at a morally grey character, i suppose? extremely loyal, extremely caring, but only if it’s in his preference. loves playing hero but hates playing hero. walking contradiction. he cannot be described in a few words. he simply cannot.

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roles of other characters that might be mentioned (once again, least to most):

mc/emmei: caretaker

naeri: whumpee (90% emotionally) but really just there to drive the story. may/may not use her

cerilux (previously unnamed character no 2): (whumpee), caretaker

unnamed character: “caretaker”, whumper

more by @/lemlem21 | @/qiuthewhumps, a whole load of other characters in a whole load of roles: yuuto, saora, chelo + more

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misc. 

oc asks

BECAUSE I WAS TOO SHY TO ASK PEOPLE TO. ASK. SO I JUST DID NEARLY EVERYTHING (please look at this to find out more i spent so much time on this it’s kinda insane) (still unfinished with spontaneous updates because i do whatever i want)

and of course, promoting my other completely unrelated oc introduction post here

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anddd that’s it!! thank you for scrolling!! may or may not be extra ocs or content added later on but for now this is my final cast; feel free to send in whatever, whenever! inbox always open to prompts questions musings anything really 💥 please i get so happy if it wasn’t obvious enough by me maxxing out reblog tag limits for things i love pleasepleasepl

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update: you can find my masterpost in the read more under my pinned post^^^

[imagine-knowing-a-name]

Jeff Fictional Universe (JFU) Headcanons

A/N: Hi everyone! I'm on holiday at the moment and don't have too much time for writing, but my next fic is close to being finished and here's this in the meantime: it's a bunch of my headcanons about Jeff the Landshark that haven't explicitly made it into my JFU fics yet.

Send me an ask if you have any of your own headcanons about Jeff, I'd love to hear them and see if they'll fit into future stories! Have a good day y'all and I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: vague mentions of death, not proofread.

➼ Jeff was experimented on by MODOK. This one is pretty canon to Jeff’s official comics since MODOK officially created the land sharks, but in my mind, it went a lot deeper than that. Jeff doesn’t really remember any of it, nor does it affect him anymore, but he’ll still get a bit nervous in lab environments and snap at people who get too intrusive, even if he doesn’t know why he does that.

➼ He’s a mix of a bunch of animals – a shark most obviously, but he has the behaviour of dogs/cats and the toe count of guinea pigs, to name a few.

➼ Jeff understands every language, but he can only speak his own. He doesn’t expect anyone to speak his language because of this, but he can get frustrated that they don’t even understand his language. Especially with Natasha.

➼ When you first got the ability to speak to animals in the JFU, Jeff was the first animal you could understand, but you had gotten so used to answering Jeff’s mrrrs with random assumptions that you didn’t even notice. Jeff also didn’t notice because you had actually been fairly good at guessing what he wanted. It was only after a few days and a long speech by Jeff that you both had the moment of realisation.

➼ Jeff cannot read; you and Natasha have tried to teach him but to no avail. It became a challenge between the Avengers that anyone who teaches Jeff to read would win. Tony got closest to winning, but you later realised that Jeff was just reciting a section of the book which Tony had taught him to memorise, and he still couldn’t read anything else. Bruce decides that Jeff is just biologically incapable of reading full words.

➼ Despite this, Jeff can write a few short words/phrases; mainly his, yours, and Natasha’s names.

➼ Even if he can’t read words, Jeff understands all the letters of the alphabet individually and is convinced that the letter ‘E’ is written backwards (Ǝ). Any attempts to correct this are met with a scolding from that land shark and a lesson on how to ‘write it properly’.

➼ Somehow, Jeff has even set his phone keyboard to have a backwards E. Nobody is sure how he managed this, or even why he changed it, since he types in his own language and only uses the letters ‘m’ and ‘r’.

➼ He will sometimes ‘correct’ Natasha and your mission notes to have ‘the proper Ǝ’ because he doesn’t want you to look bad or be embarrassed. This leads to Maria Hill and Fury sometimes even writing their Es backwards since they’re so used to seeing it and reading it as if it were normal.

➼ On the topic of Jeff’s mental abilities: Jeff can only count to 4, since he has 4 fingers on his front hands (he only has 3 toes on his back feet, but that’s another matter – see ‘Class Pet’ for Jeff’s reaction to this information)

➼ If Jeff tries to count above 4, he reverts back to 1. This has led to some issues when you asked Jeff to scout out how many soldiers there were during a mission (Jeff had stowed away, but he was put to good(?) use). You went out expecting an easy fight, only to be confronted by 13 soldiers and a realisation that Jeff cannot count.

➼ There aren’t many foods that Jeff won’t eat; he’ll happily root through the trash for an extra snack, however, Natasha cooked for him once and that is where he draws the line. He immediately taught himself how to cook and he is excellent at it, and will often step in to cook when Natasha says she will (much to your relief). He is not so good at cleaning up after himself – but you leave that chore to Natasha.

➼ Sharks have some understanding of what Jeff is saying when he swims with them, but he has a ‘land accent’ and sometimes they find it easier for you to translate for Jeff, much to his annoyance.

➼ Jeff hopes to find other landsharks like him one day… little does he know that he’s the last of his kind. The others attacked civilians in an invasion orchestrated by MODOK and were put down by the Avengers; Jeff was saved by being the runt of the litter and was left in his cage rather than being sent out with the others.

400 year old Jeff headcanons (these aren’t all canon to the JFU, but it’s a fun version of Jeff that @wolferine and I brainstormed in discord.)

➼ Jeff is 400 years old but nobody believes him; they even go as far as to call him a baby constantly since his appearance has never changed.

➼ He was kicked out of the landshark group because he ate all their food. Jeff is exceptionally hungry for a landshark. He spent some time in the sea after that and befriended the oldest greenland shark, who was still just a pup like Jeff at the time.

➼ Jeff still goes to visit his friend from time to time, glad to have had someone with him for his whole existence.

➼ When you and Natasha take Jeff in, it is the first time in his 400 years of life where he has been content to settle with a family for their entire lifetimes. The Avengers promise that their children will look after Jeff when they’re gone, like a tortoise (once they realise Jeff isn’t a baby).

➼ Jeff replies to any scolding with ‘I’m older than you’ or ‘respect your elders’, much to Steve’s annoyance because that’s usually his line, but now he’s being called a youth by a tiny, round, short legged shark.

➼ The other Avengers expect Jeff to scold Thor when he comes to Earth and calls Jeff a baby on their first meeting, but to their surprise, he just accepts it. Jeff mentions later on that he met Thor roughly 350 years before during a battle on Earth. Thor doesn’t believe Jeff is that old until he finds a portrait of the battle back on Asgard, and spots a familiar landshark in the drawing; he still doesn’t believe it can be Jeff and assumes it is just Jeff’s ancestor, so Jeff bites him in annoyance – that spurs a memory and Thor suddenly realises that it was Jeff who fought in battle with him (because Jeff had accidentally bitten Thor in the heat of the battle, and he’s been bitten by so many creatures in his life that he instantly recognises the landshark bite.)

Jeff taglist: @unexpected-character @wolferine

[zahri-melitor]

New(ish) Comics:

Batman #151: Zdarsky writes a competent Selina using her car burglar skills in this. Proof positive that Bruce & Selina make a solid investigative team.

There’s also a Tini Howard Harley Quinn backup, sigh.

Gotham City Sirens #1: I was mostly sampling this because I do like Selina and I enjoy Ivy, but a little Harley goes a loooong way.

Hmmm. The plot is a fairly weird and sort of forcing the three together, plus it looks like their main antagonist is going to be Punchline. That's...not exactly convincing me I'm going to enjoy this.

Blue Beetle #11: And that's the wrap for this series, as it's cancelled. I do wish that DC had given Trujillo one more issue to finish on #12, because it was clearly plotted as 2 6-issue arcs. So this issue is your classic "we shoved two issues of plot into one and ALSO threw in some pages of the future story we were drafting for year 2 because we liked it and wanted to show it off". Which means it reads as terribly disjointed: two separate relationships are announced by their participants; every page feels like a separate plot point, which normally would have some context and lead in; and things are hurriedly tied off without explanation. I think it probably would have gone more smoothly to read if Trujillo had left a few more threads hanging (like the Jaime/Ood'Li relationship, the Reyes family visiting, and whatever he was trying for with Traci and Nimue), but I get the desire to shove everything in so you can say you 'yeah I planned that!' and get the credit. I'll miss this. I would have liked to see the kids starting college together.

The Boy Wonder #4: oooh this is the Talia issue. I enjoyed the structure of how this was put together; echoing Talia's childhood against Damian's childhood and setting up the story of cycles of behaviour and the manner in which each of them chose to attempt to reach outside of the League's teachings. And they made different decisions! Talia chose to turn back towards the League, while Damian here is shown reaching out to change - BECAUSE he received that extra support from his brothers, which Talia did not get. It's just crunchy and really interesting framing and talks to a lot of things, because yeah. Talia did end up in a situation where she was pregnant, and her father and her lover were in opposition to each other, and she had to make a call about where she wanted to be, and where she'd raise that child. And she chose to stay with what she knew, rather than reach out and leave and tell Bruce and turn her back on her father. And that's an understandable decision she made, even if was probably the worse decision for all of Talia AND Bruce AND Damian.

Birds of Prey #12: mind empty, DinahBabs hug telling her "I love you. Never do that again!". Okay that aside this is still really good? It's a wild Xanthe appearance! I do agree that Kelly Thompson need to take a breath and slow down on trying to get to play with ALL the toys in terms of characters, but also I fully know if I were given a BOP run I would also have a cast list of at least a dozen characters who I wanted to play with, even if it was unwieldy.

Shazam! #14: Freddy has a lot of emotions and reminds you that he keeps it bottled up a lot of the time unless you're in his head. Also I enjoyed that Campbell has looped around to add Uncle Dudley back into the cast, after setting him up over in Power of Shazam; not only does he bring a lot of energy of his own but I think his thing of being unpowered and still fighting is going to link in well with the fact that Freddy, Eugene, Pedro and Darla are also still unpowered.

Plastic Man No More #1: okay, this is interestingly creepy. I honestly don't hugely care about Eel O'Brien, but it makes his condition fascinatingly horrifying plus leans into the fact that Eel's often used as a joke character. Even while on the League. Even by other characters on the League.

The Warlord #63: this week in Skartaris Travis Morgan and Mikola Rostov are off to see Jennifer to find out if she can cure his lycanthropy. Mikola brings up Mariah, because she was his student and lover, and Travis is like...oh yeah! Still trapped in the past.

At some point you'll get to come back to the story, Mariah. I believe in you. Hopefully you are busy spreading the good news of Communism among all the various gnomes in early Skartaris.

Also they drop in to see Aram's kingdom, where Shakira is spending all her time as a cat, and some fabled people who can talk to animals are visiting. They end up kidnapping Mikola.

[compassionatereminders]

one of my friends started talking badly about my other friend because they say they are nonbinary (i'm talking about 1 person but i use they since they don't want to be called a she)

i love both of them a lot and this friend never had nasty opinions before but now she says she never had nasty opinions because she said she was hiding her true opinions because she was afraid she will lose her close friends.

3 days ago she said she is no longer afraid to lose friends if they are not radfems. she said she had radfem accounts (like twitter and on discord i think?) for 3 years (so since she was 15)

i don't get the whole nonbinary thing - by this i mean i don't understand how they feel exactly - their thoughts and their experiences (since i never felt that way) but at least i will always listen and not judge them. not knowing or understanding how someone feels doesn't mean you need to hate them.

of course i will always stand up for my friend and not let my other friend to insult them... but am i a bad person for still loving my other friend? i really want to talk to her, help her to understand that people are different i have known her since i was 14 years old. i hate the things she said but i don't hate her as a person because i think she just thinks this is a "cool way" to stand out. she was always more of an outcast, she is quiet and i kind of think this is her way of "notice me!"

ofc if this friend will act this way in the future i will remove her from my friend circle. i don't support this kind of behaviour.

but am i a shit person for still hoping she will change? because on of my other friends (not the nonbinary friend) said i was a bitch for not just telling her to fuck off and to never talk to me again. the thing i did was - i wanted to talk to her privately and explain that the nonbinary friend still has the same personality - good personality even if they don't want to be called a she and even if they don't want to dress girly (they got rid of old clothes last october and has a new style). and that this is no reason to start hating your friend. but i also told her i believe in second chances and if she will be respectful i'm still here for her. because of this conversation my other friend accused me of being the same trash as her.

why i said i believe in second chances was because my family is extremely homophobic, my grandma, grandpa and my mom are very religious and homophobic. my dad is not religious but still goes to church and stuff like this so mom is happy but he is homophobic as well (and his mom and dad -my grandparents on his side are homophobic too). i was raised up to think being gay/bi/lesbian/trans etc. is wrong while i never insulted anyone over this (it's not in my personality to verbally attack people) as a kid i used to think that you are a weirdo if you're gay/bi etc. Then I realized at 12 or 13 that they are just normal people who just want to live their lives. and i actually even enjoyed watching girls love or boys love movies or series, despite being straight (ofc in secret my mom would kill me if she knew what i was watching)... because to me it was just a love story about normal couples.

now i really think the while day am i really the same trash as her? i usually want to talk to people and solve things. it's not really that easy to turn off my emotions and say from this moment on i hate her forever. we were almost like best friends. i am willing to remove her (as i already said) from my friend circle if she will be like this. but i feel like i don't hate her, i'm mad and disappointed, even sad but i still don't hate her... and now i'm being called a bitch and a trash by my other friend... which makes me feel so bad that i even don't want to see my friends because this friend talks badly about me to others too.

also sorry english is not my 1st language.

I get that it's hard to cut someone off, but you might have to face that this is the kind of situation where your nonbinary friend might need you to choose their side to feel safe around you, and where refusing to do that might have consequences.