#tell me if i make sense

[natsuhi-supporter]

the thought was put into my brain and now i must give birth to it to get it out, I'm way too tired to formulate well, and i don't have energy to write about Eva or Kyrie, i hope I'll do it later, you can add on if you want to. i was thinking about how different patterns of pain and how the moms deal with it. Like, it's not just "i was hurt so I'm gonna hurt ya", it's more nuanced and complex.

With Rosa is about being burdened with other people's responsibility and/or violent loss of innocence/purity of some kind. Like, the mildest example is the dish on, in the ep2 chapel scene where they found the bodies, I'll just put the whole thing here, bc it'll be easier than explaining

[ Rosa remembered a gross out meal, a turkey that had been served at her own birthday when she was a young girl.

When it had been cut with a knife, from the inside, things she loved, but which she had not heard about at all... bright-red, bright-red... ketchup omelet-rice had poured out like blood-stained maggots, buwaa, dripping, slimy, pulpy, sticky!! ]

About being responsibility of is kinda obvious with Maria's father, she trusted him, and was taken advantage of, and now she's gotta pay off his debts. But also, in a way, by Beatrice Kuwadorian. Hear me out, i love Beatrice Kuwadorian and want her to have good life as the other guy, but she still, through no fault of her own, relied on 14 yo to save her from abusive environment. A 14 yo who was in very similar abusive environment, they literally share a father! And it was also violent loss of innocence because she saw a girl die and assumed responsibility for it! The pattern!

And she goes about it by doing sorta same thing, in ep1, when we first see Rosa slap Maria, Battler tries to stop her, and Rosa tells him "to think about her [Maria's] future" and stuff like that, she's burdening him with responsibility of caring about her daughter's future! And, also, yeah, she relies on Maria for emotional support, she expects that Maria will forgive her even though Rosa herself doesn't think she deserves it, it became Maria's responsibility, and it also goes for loss of innocence, i hope i don't need to explain that one, i just remembered the "Sakutaro is dead" page and what effect it had on Maria, and i can't talk about it.

Then we have Natsuhi. I think for Natsuhi the pattern is about humiliation and being treated as subhuman for something she has no power over. It's kinda obvious, i don't know if i need to explain, but i think about Natsuhi more than normally ppl do, so just as precaution I'll say examples.

1. Bit controversial for me, but generally her born family. Like, we don't know about any instances of humiliation bc we don't know anything abt that time, but we do know that at some point Natsuhi didn't agree with her mother's behaviour but then had a change of heart. I think it was "discipline", even Natsuhi says that her born family was strict

2. Her marriage circumstances. She literally just was born into he priest family, what the fuck, kinzo, she was 17, she should have been doing her homework

3. The way she was treated because she couldn't get pregnant.

4. The way she is still treated by Eva because she isn't perfect, because her servants aren't perfect and make mistakes sometimes.

5. The way Erika treated her in ep5, especially when she denies this particular statement of Natsuhi "i loved my husband! I kept this emotion to myself, it was too intimate. Do i need proof that I'm in love?"

6. Krauss sexist treatment of her.

Natsuhi never intentionally hurt ppl bc of it, her main coping mechanism is her pride, humiliation becomes pride, she prides herself on being a good wife, a good daughter, good mother etc, she prides herself on upholding and fitting the rules and morales she cares about and she was taught. So as a way of upholding these rules she enforces them, with Jessica, her heart is in the right place, but she's still doing the same thing she suffered from, she's scolding Jessica for being the way she is, she strict with Shannon in particular, Shannon has no power over how clumsy she is, but it's still Shannon's fault in Natsuhi's paradigm. I also need to talk about the whole baby thing. Natsuhi was heavy with shame and resentment so she couldn't see baby as properly human or care for it because it became symbol of her humiliation, of "her failure as a woman".

[hinamie]

I'll rip in hands and teeth and take a bite

[keets-writing-corner]

Thinking a LOT about Lucifer in the latest Hazbin episode. Idk what I was expecting but not this??

As I was watching my immediate thought was just "huh... Lucifer is kinda of weird..." but as the episode went on I realized the issue

the dude is off the chain depressed, like he says it as a joke but holy cow it is SO BAD

He's manically just creating rubber ducks cuz his daughter really like it that one time but it's empty, it's never good enough but he keeps doing it, maybe cuz he doesn't know how to pass the time otherwise.

like I get the feeling he HAS better things he SHOULD be doing than making rubber duck after rubber duck. At first I was like, "Bruh why isn't the king of hell doing anything?" aaaaand then it became clear...

The dude is disassociating so bad he can barely hold a conversation let alone remember information. He clearly WANTS to, he wants to be involved with his daughter so bad, he wants to care about the things she's doing so bad, but his depression keeps interfering. It's like he can only hear every other word and he grasps onto the ones he does hear semi-out of context. Like you can see every time he catches something that he hadn't before and he just "well shit I didn't catch that part"

and that's why he reacts so weird when people talk to him. He is struggling so bad to engage with the conversation he's only getting 50% of it

does that look like the face of a man who knows what the hell the conversation is even about??? he is STRUGGLING

like Charlie spent so long telling him about the hotel, and he STILL didn't understand what she wanted. Yeah it comes off as ditzy but literally I've been in that position where your brain just "nope, not doing this right now" and nerfs your conversation comprehension. So as someone who's BEEN in that position, to me it feels exactly like what he's dealing with. He's sorta engaged with the conversation, but only as much as his brain will allow

For example, when I'm dealing with this, this is what someone talking to me feels like this where the crossed out parts are what I missed and bold is what I catch, "Hey! You know I was thinking for dinner we could either make some chicken with rice? But if you don't feel like cooking, pasta is super easy and you love that right? What do you want to do?" you can kinda get that someone is trying to talk to you about dinner, and towards the end you get the impression that they asked something that needs your input so you can decently put 2 and 2 together and try and pass off, but crucial bits were left out, I would have no idea that either chicken or pasta is in the conversation only having heard "rice". When someone is just talking at me, I can decently pass off as being engaged but the second I'm required to participate in the conversation I'm screwed. Seem familiar? At which point I have 2 options, try to give a bullshit answer, or admit that I missed what they were saying and ask them to repeat

Lucifer, unfortunately, is trying so damn hard to hide that he's dealing with like 24/7 dissociation, so he can't admit that he's missing entire chunks of the conversation, hence his really weird replies. He does eventually get the full picture and then he and Charlie start having the real conversation

Also, the Alastor/Lucifer rivalry was hilarious but also really indicative of more of what Lucifer is dealing with

Alastor is, unfortunately, really good at picking up people's insecurities, and thanks to Charlie's description earlier and watching Lucifer clearly trying to overcompensate, he immediately picks up on the fact that Lucifer KNOWS he struggles to be a good dad (we know cuz it's cuz of the depression, hard to be engaged when your brain keeps turning off) and decides to rub salt in the wound by pretending he's been acting as a surrogate father to Charlie. Now why Alastor decided to pick a fight with the king of hell is beyond me, I do not understand Alastor (and I LIKE IT) (maybe it's cuz Alastor thinks he's hot shit and was expecting Lucifer to at least have heard of him but Lucifer just treats him like a nobody? who knows)(why would Lucifer listen to radio anyways when he can't even pay attention to a conversation it'd just be white noise)

But yeah I just was expecting someone who oozed either charisma or presence and instead I got a depressed dad who's dissociating so bad he can barely function and be present in his life. The only thing it seems he CAN do is make rubber ducks cuz his daughter really liked it that one time

Idk Lucifer is tragic to me. Whatever the full details of what heavan did to him absolutely broke him and he can't deal with it. He's aware of it, and he doesn't know how to fix it, so he tries to over compensate and sorta makes an ass out of himself but no one says or does anything cuz this guy is supposed to be THE king of hell

Suddenly it's making a lot more sense why he just rolls over and lets heaven do what it wants and even told Charlie to go in his place the start of the show. He's not in any headspace to hold a basic conversation let alone negotiate! He didn't even know who Alastor was, he's been so out of touch

idk I like him, he seems sweet, I hope Charlie brings some light back into his life. He really needs to get out of that rubber duck room

[hamsternamedmarinette]

Don't ask how it got into his room

[boysborntodie]

TUA S4 proved that Netflix cancelling their shows after the first season is actually a good thing

[mythicalcoolkid]

You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side

[danlous]

I feel like many people have a fundamental misconception of what unreliable narrator means. It's simply a narrative vehicle not a character flaw or a sign that the character is a bad person. There are also many different types of unreliable narrators in fiction. Being an unreliable narrator doesn't necessarily mean that the character is 'wrong', it definitely doesn't mean that they're wrong about everything even if some aspects in their story are inaccurate, and only some unreliable narrators actively and consciously lie. Stories that have unreliable narrators also tend to deal with perception and memory and they often don't even have one objective truth, just different versions. It reflects real life where we know human memory is highly unreliable and vague and people can interpret same events very differently

[inkskinned]

at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"

like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.

"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."

... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.

and i'd still keep writing.

i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.

i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley

"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"

and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.

it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.

you create because you're greedy.

[cashmoneyyysstuff]

i feel like when people say "katsuki won't change for you" they mean it like, completely and literally. but tbh i really really don't see it like that.

like yeah, he will never change his personality for anybody. he's still him because if you liked him romantically you'd already know what he's like. but he'd most definitely change his behaviour towards you. ofc im not trynna say he's gonna like do a whole 180 and kiss the ground you walk n shit but like..you're still his partner,, does that make sense ?? like it always confuses me when ppl say stuff like " he wont give you any special treatment he'll treat you like he treats everyone" and to me its like..no.., y'know ?😭 like at the end of the day you are still his partner. you're dating and he loves you so why would he treat you like some rando.

at most i see him like being awkward at the beginning of the relationship when its still new cus he doesnt know what to do (lol loser) but i still know he'd very much try. cus thats the thing youre not just a random you're his person. you're his one and he's obv gonna show you that because otherwise whats the point

m not sayin he's perfect, he's gonna mess up at some points maybe be a bit snappy because that's just how he is and you know that, you knew that when you got with him. BUT you still love him and he still very much loves you and he shows you that and he tries to make it up to you because you're different and he CARESSS!!! thats my whole thing!!!

[keferon]

I. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. I’m okay I’m fine I’m okay I’m fine I’m oka

The fic I'm illustrating and losing my mind about 👉 Mistakes on mistakes until

[maxipad33]

in brazil we went hunting

it was hard finding time to draw while i was in korea but i finally finished this beast on the plane! max verstappen brazil 2024 you are so special to me

also feel free to use as a wallpaper!

alt versions under the cut

[mochasucculent]

Was looking at refs and since Viktor has two different leg braces I was wondering, do we think he wears them simultaneously?? The refs don't perfectly line up perspective-wise so it's hard to tell but parts of the one he wears during the Hexcore scenes look like they could maybe line up with the brace that he wears over his clothes, but also some parts really don't and look like they'd be super uncomfy. Also HOW does he take these on and off. Experts weigh in

[lotus-pear]

free will is drawing ur two favorite characters together and making them gay

[citizen-saint]

(gender, personality, whatever else you think makes up your identity)

[dansemacabre]

(tw unreality!)

ayo new theory just dropped and bad news! the implications are cosmically horrifying

in the bulletin from time baby in book of bill, he says bill is a “danger to narrativity”, and that he risks the fourth wall. this kept bothering me. why reference the fourth wall here? why have time baby reference it? yeah the heaven page and shit is a bit meta, but thats just how bill talks, right? Well i was a fool

when you put “seven eyes” into the lost files site, this warning pops up from the oracle question mark? from journal three:

the therapese at the bottom translates to “set coords for dimension: r34lity”.

and putting r34lity into the website gives us this image:

the text below it reads they found a new home. those are “real” fucking images. the henchmaniacs are in our “reality”. the cryptids page might not have been a goof goof bit- they were “real”. (“real” meaning our reality in the book of bill sense of it but still our reality. is that tracking.)

none of the rest of the cast actually references us as a specific audience, or the fandom, or acts like we know them at all. the cast addresses everything they write to a mystery “reader” who needs to be saved from the book’s influence.

meanwhile, in the book of bill:

because bill’s not talking to a mystery “reader” who’s reading this book.

bill fucking sees us.

bill sees reality. REALITY reality. like this earth the one with alex hirsch and gravity falls the show and tiktok and shit. book of bill is a book in our reality for us the reader. (ie. there’s a reference to “they both reached for the gun” if you put gun in the website, which would only make sense if bill was sentient in this “reality” right now.) and someone is trying to get here to hide from him. maybe they’re already here.

[somnimagus]

My page for @sheikahzine; about Impaz's duty to her village, empty of people and full of memories.

[id in alt text]