#scandal incorrect quotes

[braxix]

Gil-Galad: No swearing around Elrond.

Galadriel: I can't say shit anymore?!

Celebrimbor: Aw, fuck.

Elrond: You bastard! Does that mean I can't fucking swear either?

[thewrittenpodcast]

How i imagine Avengers family game night goes:

Peter: pay me my money

Sam: nnnnno

Nat: don't worry I have a gun

Peter: You have a gun??

Bucky: I have one too

Steve: NO

Steve: NO GUNS

[cod-dump]

Nik: Would you date Graves?

Price: I’d only date him so I could steal his money and leave him ruined

Nik: I’d date him to just ruin him

Price: God, Nik-

(Later)

Price: Nik…

Nik: Hmm?

Price: I think I just want to ruin him now

Nik: Oh? What changed?

Price, who had just watched Graves dance around in shorts while washing a tank with a bunch of Shadows: I just… thought about it

[sandbees]

Yuu: Mmmmm, tea.

Kalim: Oh, hey Yuu! What are you drinking?

Yuu: Sweet tea, it’s a popular drink where I’m from. Want to have a try?

Kalim: Sure! I can never say no to tea, especially if it’s sweet!

Kalim:

Kalim: Why is it cold?

Yuu: Because it’s sweet tea? Wh- Oh! Sorry Kalim, forgot to say that it’s iced. Kind of weird that no one ever thought to drink iced tea before- Kalim?

Kalim: This is…a disgrace! Who drinks tea cold?! Yuu, we need to make proper tea, stat!

Yuu: Wait, what?

Kalim: Don’t worry, Yuu! I’ll show you how to make proper sweet tea!

[bluesylveon2]

Lilia and Silver watching a movie together

Two characters in the movie kiss

Lilia covers Silver’s eyes

Silver: Father, I'm 17

Lilia: hush, you don't need to see this

[baker-street-boys]

I know I'm probably an idiot for just noticing this, but like Irene is married. idk that's kinda cool. I love lesbians. that's all.

[luneartt]

effie: mr. abernathy...

haymitch: oh for god's sake, we are so far behind the "mr abernathy" crap. just say my name.

effie: that's crossing the line. it would be inappropriate.

haymitch: then let's be inappropriate.

haymitch: say my name?

effie:

effie, quietly: haymitch

[catdoingblep]

Jesper: *talking shit about the merchers’ high society of Ketterdam and their questionable fashion choices in a random social event*

Wylan: Jesper, we are here not for gossiping *sipping wine* Did you see Boreg? The suit he is wearing is a crime worse than any crime Kaz has ever commited. The worst suit I've seen in my life so far, and I am living in the very same house with that purple monster you’ve bought last summer

Jesper: Yes, I know, right! Boreg is hilarious. How a person with money can even... Wait, what did you say about my purple suit?! You said you like it!

Wylan: Actually, I said that I’d like to take that suit off you... like in not seeing it on you anymore

Jesper with the most overdramatic facial expression: Wylan, I am deeply offended!

Jesper in two seconds: But you know who wears even worse outfit than Boreg? Just have a look at Schenck's wife!

[incorrect-star-allies]

Taranza: Not to be nsfw but I want someone to hold me while I sleep.

[uncorrectintamed]

Lan Qiren: Where's Wangji?

Lan Xichen: Don't worry, I'll find him.

Lan Xichen: Wei Ying is the worst!

Lan Wangji: Wei Ying is the best person ever, fuck you!

Lan Xichen: Found him.

[thewrittenpodcast]

Ned: hey why you do that i was about to deliver killer opps to the power grade

MJ: you were about to shut down the Internet?

Ned: no I was about to DELETE the Internet

Peter: Fuck yes!!

Tony: nO-

Tony: I THOUGHT THIS WAS A POWERPOINT FOR IT CLASS

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

uu: CAN YOu DRAW SOMETHING FOR ME TO MASTuRBATE TO

TT: Sure.

TT: ■▲●

[sakshisahu]

[infinite-orangepeel]

*steddie about to leave for a dinner date*

eddie: god baby you’re such a slut for me, dressed like such a whore tonight

steve: *fully clothed in multiple layers with barely any skin showing* um thanks. but what about this is slutty exactly ?

eddie: steven, don’t act like you don’t know…

steve: oh my god it’s the glasses again—isn’t it ?

eddie: you bet its the glasses, you little slut

steve: YOU ARE INSANE OH MY GOD

[earlgreycoffee5]

pov: remus, sirius and lily at the dentist's office and remus is hopped up on nitrous

nurse: here are the tools, doctor

remus: doctor *chuckles* its funny when people call dentists doctor

dentist after a long shift so he's tired and arrogant as fuck: we a r e doctors? we do four years of medical school

remus: yeah but its called "dental school"

*sirius smirking in the background with his hands crossed, fully aware of what's coming*

dentist: ..but we learn about the entire body

remus: yea but if you had cancer you wouldn't call a dentist

*lily glances at a grinning sirius, starting to get mildly concerned*

dentist: *getting increasingly exasperated* y'know its actually harder to get into dental school than medical school-

remus: well bc there are fewer dental schools lmao bc most people want to become actual doctors

lily: ohmygod-

sirius: YEAH YOU TELL HIM BABY

*the dentist and lily both glare at sirius*

dentist: that's ridiculous its not like we're college professors calling ourselves "doctors"

remus: not the same thing my friend-

dentist: well s u r e it is, when someone has a heart attack on a plane do they yell out "yo does anyone have an art history PhD?"

remus: a PhD is a dOCTORATE ITS LITERALLY D E S C R I B I N G A DOCTOR

lily, getting increasingly concerned: rem maybe we should calm down-

remus, now all fired up: nO THE PROBLEM HERE IS THAT MEDICAL PRACTITIONERS HAVE C O -OPTED THE WORD "DOCTOR"-

lily: remus-

remus: I KNOW WE LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE ANYTHING CAN MEAN ANYTHING, AND NOBODY EVEN CARES ABOUT ETYMOLO-

*lily shoves a piece of chocolate into his mouth to shut him up and looks at the dumbfounded doctor*

lily: ..yeah, heh, so insurance still covers this visit right-

*sirius wearing the widest shit eating grin*

sirius: i have never been more turned on in my entire life

lily: yeah neither of you are ever stepping out of the house again

THIS 100% HAPPENED AND I WILL NOT HEAR OTHERWISE.

(all hail captain holt, may he rest in peace)

[incorrectbensler]

Elliot: Somewhere… in another life, another reality… we are married are we have four kids, and we live in Vermont, and I’m the Sheriff, and-

Olivia: And I make jam.

Elliot: And you make jam.