#incorrect avengers quotes

[headcanonthings]

steve has a singular way of making (boy)friends

[thewrittenpodcast]

Principal: unfortunately we had to call your mother in

Peter: may won't pick up

Principal: no not your aunt. your mother

Peter: i don't... have one?

Principal: says here one Viginia Potts is listed

Peter: i have never met a virginia in my life

Pepper, walking in: i was called

Peter:

Peter: your name is virginia?

Peter: my life is a lie

Peter: how can I go on

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

[incorrectpeterparker]

Peter: Getting up a 6am made me realize that 6am isn’t a place it’s an emotion

Tony: 6am isn’t a place at all

Peter: That’s because it’s an emotion

[incorrecttonyxeveryonequotes]

Tony: Being smart has never stopped me from being a complete fucking idiot.

[slavicshadownr]

Yelena: *Carrying all the groceries in both arms*

Kate: *Reaches out to help*

Yelena: *Switches all the groceries to one arm to holds Kate’s hand*

Kate: that’s not what I- ok

[westannatasharomanoff]

Laura, to Clint: Help me get the kids in the car. Cooper! Lila! Come on! The whole family is going to the spaghetti hut for dinner!

Natasha: I guess I better go, then.

Laura: Where are you going?

Natasha: What?

Laura: I said the whole family. Get in the car.

[totallyaccurateavengersquotes]

TONY: Stephen and I--

PETER: Are getting married?

STEPHEN: No, we--

HARLEY, PULLING OUT A GIANT BINDER: Sit down. We've planned out the entire thing.

[karmaspidr]

Hela: Give up, brother! You and your pathetic Avengers have failed. Kneel now and I will grant you a quick death.

Thor: Muttering and not paying attention

Hela: Are you even listening?!

Thor: ...and shall therefore possess, for a limited time only, the power... of THOR!!!

Gold lightning shoots out and strikes the Avengers. They stand, fully healed and with the power gifted to them dancing across their bodies.

Clint: Oh I can get used to this.

Tony: Power at 10,000%. Not bad.

Natasha: Let's see her shrug this off.

Hulk: Hehe. It tingles.

Steve: What's the plan, Thor?

Thor: Avengers...

Hela: ...fuck.

Thor: Assemble!!!

[incorrectmarvels]

Loki: I can explain.

Thor: Can you?

Loki: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.

[squilfmybeloved]

my fav odd avengers besties as incorrect quotes <33

tony: there is something SERIOUSLY wrong-

t'challa: yes, there is something seriously wrong with you.

tony: WITH GIVING A GROWN MAN MOTRIN.

t'challa: IT'S A- A BRAND NAME???

tony: I AM NOT ON MY CYCLE.

t'challa: IT'S IBUPROFEN!

---

clint: have you been drinking??

bucky: chlorophyll.

---

[in london, after peter gets hit by a fucking train]

tony: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?? GET IN THE CAR

peter: I 👏 WAS 👏 ATTACKED 👏

[headcanonthings]

Tony: Thanks for agreeing to see me Fury: I didn't. You walked in and started talking Tony: I don't have time for a history lesson

[thewrittenpodcast]

Peter: you can't ground me

Tony: can. Did. It's done you're grounded

Peter: but-

Pepper: no arguments you're grounded

Peter, saluting: yes ma'am Ms. Potts i am going to rethink my life in my room now

Tony:

Tony: HOW

[incorrect-assvengers]

Peter: 11 year old me would think current me is insane

Harley: He'd be right

Harley: 11 year old me would call current me a slur

[incorrectpeterparker]

Peter: I accidentally ate MJ’s sandwich… How long do you think I have to live?

Ned: Ten

Peter: Ten what?

Ned: Nine

[slavicshadownr]

Phil: Agent Romanoff what are you doing? Natasha: Wrapping Barton’s desk in Saran Wrap. Phil: Uh why? Natasha: He stole my one of my knives. Phil: Couldn’t you have just taken it back? Natasha: I couldn’t find it so I removed all sharp objects from the office so he has to either unwrap it by hand or use my knife. He’s a dumbass so he’ll use my knife which is when I will steal it back and he is left to unwrap it by hand as punishment for stealing my knife in the first place. Phil: That is actually genius. Natasha: Yes. It is.