#incorrect avengers quotes

[thewrittenpodcast]

Principal: unfortunately we had to call your mother in

Peter: may won't pick up

Principal: no not your aunt. your mother

Peter: i don't... have one?

Principal: says here one Viginia Potts is listed

Peter: i have never met a virginia in my life

Pepper, walking in: i was called

Peter:

Peter: your name is virginia?

Peter: my life is a lie

Peter: how can I go on

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

[headcanonthings]

Natasha: People keep calling Clint the epitome of a golden retriever. Natasha: He is not. Natasha: He is a raccoon that has been too socialized by people and now cannot be released back into the wild.

[incorrectpeterparker]

Peter: Getting up a 6am made me realize that 6am isn’t a place it’s an emotion

Tony: 6am isn’t a place at all

Peter: That’s because it’s an emotion

[incorrecttonyxeveryonequotes]

Tony: Being smart has never stopped me from being a complete fucking idiot.

[totallyaccurateavengersquotes]

TONY: Stephen and I--

PETER: Are getting married?

STEPHEN: No, we--

HARLEY, PULLING OUT A GIANT BINDER: Sit down. We've planned out the entire thing.

[incorrect-assvengers]

Peter: 11 year old me would think current me is insane

Harley: He'd be right

Harley: 11 year old me would call current me a slur

[slavicshadownr]

Phil: Agent Romanoff what are you doing? Natasha: Wrapping Barton’s desk in Saran Wrap. Phil: Uh why? Natasha: He stole my one of my knives. Phil: Couldn’t you have just taken it back? Natasha: I couldn’t find it so I removed all sharp objects from the office so he has to either unwrap it by hand or use my knife. He’s a dumbass so he’ll use my knife which is when I will steal it back and he is left to unwrap it by hand as punishment for stealing my knife in the first place. Phil: That is actually genius. Natasha: Yes. It is.

[incorrectmarvels]

Loki: I can explain.

Thor: Can you?

Loki: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.

[loislame84]

Natasha, holding out the phone: Yelena, it’s your girlfriend.

Yelena, grabbing the phone: Kate Bishop is not my girlfriend. How many times do I have to tell you this?

Yelena, answers the phone: how is my little hawk doing today?

Natasha: at least once more.

[thewrittenpodcast]

Peter: you can't ground me

Tony: can. Did. It's done you're grounded

Peter: but-

Pepper: no arguments you're grounded

Peter, saluting: yes ma'am Ms. Potts i am going to rethink my life in my room now

Tony:

Tony: HOW

[squilfmybeloved]

*during literally any avengers fight ever*

KAREN: Well done with the stitches, Peter. I'm reading significantly higher output, and your vitals look promising.

peter: god KAREN you snitch- yes, for the moment, i'm not dying, thank you!

tony, on comms: what do you mean, you're not dying? did you just say you were dying?

peter: that you, mr. stark? uhh- no! i'm not! not anymore!

rhodey, also on comms: what- what? what's going on?

tony: you were gonna tell me? you really were dying?

peter: well you didn't let me-

tony: why didn't you tell me that??

peter: i was gonna make you an omelette and tell you!

nat, yelling over comms: hey- hey, save it for at home! we have incoming over here, fight's bringing itself to us!

peter, groaning: great. mr. stark?

tony: well are you okay now?

peter: i am fine, don't be mad! i'll formally apologize-

tony, cutting him off: i am mad.

peter: -when we're not fighting aliens from outer space!

tony, sighing: fine.

[headcanonthings]

Bucky: When I was a kid, I always wanted to be a magician. Steve: Tell them why you stopped? Bucky: I... I almost cut someone in half with a saw. Tony: What the fuck?? Sam: What kind of kid were you? Bucky: I didn't know a magician was fake! I thought they were real! That's why I didn't become one. Natasha: That's why?? Bruce: Not you nearly cutting a kid in half?! Bucky: The kid was fine. My dad stopped me before I could hurt him. Tony: Poor guy. At least he's safe from you now. Bucky: Huh? He's standing right beside me. Steve: I'm the kid. Bruce: And you still ended up being best friends?! Sam: I take it back. What's wrong with the both of you?!

[incorrectpeterparker]

Peter: I accidentally ate MJ’s sandwich… How long do you think I have to live?

Ned: Ten

Peter: Ten what?

Ned: Nine

[totallyaccurateavengersquotes]

TONY: Standing next to sunflowers always makes me feel weak. Like, 'look at this fucking flower. This flower is taller than I am. This flower is winning and I am losing.'

STEPHEN: Wow, you are not ready to hear about trees.

[incorrectmcuquotess]

Steve: This facility is a violent place filled with hardened criminals. We need to send someone who can blend in.

Peter: Captain, I would be honored to take on this challenging assignment. 

[laughter]

Peter: Why is everyone laughing? I can be a badass.

Tony: You're raising your hand right now.

Peter: We're in a meeting!