#tony stark incorrect quotes

[marionluth]

Harley: Wanna know what would be really cool?

Peter: Honestly, I don't think I wanna know, no.

Harley: Being shot

Tony: No!

Peter: Been there, done that. Not particularly cool either…

Tony: You’ve been what?

Peter:

Harley: No, no! BEING SHOT. As in being the one… shot… at someone! As in human projectile with the speed of a bullet!

Peter:

Tony:

Harley: I mean… think of the damage here…

Peter: *sitting up* This holds promise.

Tony: No!

Peter: We'd have to take into account a ton of stuff, mass and volume of human projectile…

Harley:...energy source and force distribution…

Peter:... Acceleration curve, g force tolerance…

Harley:... trajectory and stability…

Peter: I'm bringing the whiteboard!

Tony: NO!

[incorrectquotesmcu]

Steve, gardening: Hey, can you bring me the hoe?

Thor: Yeah, sure.

[A few minutes later]

Thor: Here you go.

Steve:

Thor:

Tony: Why am I here?

[chaxan08]

Steve: I truly believe that water can solve all your problems.

Bruce: Weight loss? Drink water.

Tony: Clear skin? Drink water.

Natasha: Want to get rid of someone? Drown them.

Everyone:

[incorrectpeterparker]

Peter: Getting up a 6am made me realize that 6am isn’t a place it’s an emotion

Tony: 6am isn’t a place at all

Peter: That’s because it’s an emotion

[oscorp-lawsuit]

Headcanon that when Peter accidentally calls Tony dad for the first time, he immediately freaks out over his slip-up (as usual) but Tony is running on like -20 hours of sleep and doesn’t even notice the mistake but he responds to it so suddenly Peter spirals into ANOTHER crisis because does that mean Tony thinks of Peter as his son, or did he just not hear him right? And now he doesn’t know how to bring it up without outing the fact that he wants Mr. Stark to be his dad

Peter: “Hey, dad?”

Peter, internally: Wait, shit shit! Why did I say that? I can’t call Mr. Stark DAD. That’s so creepy-

Tony, dead on his feet and hearing colors: “Yeah, Pete?”

Peter:

Peter, tearing up: “Um-”

[theocanhavemyheart]

Steve: Tony, when’s your birthday?

Tony: Why? So you can look up my natal chart? So you can figure out my weaknesses? So you can destroy me?

Steve: …So I know when to wish you a happy birthday.

[romanoffshouse]

Peter: Can I ride this scooter outside?

Tony: I'm not your dad, do what you want.

Peter: Okay!

Tony: Not in the street!

[lalixlizzie]

Peter: So, what did you do last night?

Tony: Nothing.

Peter: I know, but what did you actually do?

Tony: Literally nothing. I sat in a chair and I stared.

[gfmaximoff]

Tony: I’m making a documentary about my life. Rogers, I want you to play my father.

Steve: I don’t want to be your father.

Tony: Perfect. You already know your lines.

[yourloverfromthepast]

Y/n, during an interview: I really do love working with the Avengers, we all get along, have a great relationship and- we just fully accept and comprehend each other, you know what I mean?

*Earlier that day*

Y/n: FUCK OFF TONY, I'M NOT WORKING WITH YOU, EVER AGAIN.

Tony: OKAY GREAT, BECAUSE YOU'RE FIRED.

Y/n: OH I'M FIRED? NO I'M NOT, BECAUSE I RESIGN FIRST.

Tony: WHAT? YOU CANNOT RESIGN AFTER I FIRED YOU-

Y/n: LALALALALA I AM NOT HEARING WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. OOOH SWEET PEPPEEER, DO YOU WANT A FIANCÉ WHO'S NOT A RAGING CUNT???

Tony: I am gonna fucking kILL THIS LITTLE BASTARD-

*Natasha, Steve and Thor, trying to hold him down*

Bruce: *clicks his tongue* Please Clint, remind me what happened?

Clint: In a few words: they ate the last donut. He got angry.

Bruce: ...over...over a fucking donut?

[marionluth]

Tony: Have you ever considered TRYING to be careful when you're spider-Manning?

Peter: Life's too short for careful.

Tony: Life's even shorter without careful, kid! Drunk Spider-Manning? Really?

Peter: You once entertained party guests by doning your armor and shooting glasses they threw in the air.

Tony:

Peter:

Tony: This is one of those do as I say not as I do moments.

Peter:

Tony:

Peter: I regret nothing.

Tony: I'm telling Pepper.

Peter: I'm going to my room to think about my actions and thoroughly repent.

Tony: There's some good use of your Spidey-sense.

[incorrectquotesmcu]

Steve, coming out of the closet: I don’t like… women.

Tony, mouth agape:

Thor: yoU ARE A MISOGYNIST?!

[chaxan08]

Tony: THE FLOOR IS LAVA!

T'Challa: *helps Shuri onto the counter*

Natasha and Yelena: *they help each other up onto the table*

Loki: *pushes Thor off the sofa*

Tony, to Steve: As you can see, there are three types of siblings.

Actually, I think Natasha and Yelena could perfectly be any of the three.

[marvel-lous-guy]

Peter: what's a polite way to say "this essay would have been better if I had any clue what the fuck I was doing"?

Pepper: "the analysis is severely limited by my lack of understanding what I am doing"

Peter: wow, that was great! You're really good at this!

Tony: she has to some up with polite ways to say all the shit she wants to in those board meetings

Pepper: not just in board meetings

[oscorp-lawsuit]

Pepper: Tony, why do you keep ignoring lab safety protocol when it always ends in some sort of explosion or OSHA violation?

Tony: Well, Pep, some of the greatest scientific discoveries were made by ignoring lab safety protocol. Besides, Tony backwards spells “Y Not” so it’s really in my namesake.

Pepper:

Pepper: Did Peter give you that one?

Tony: Yes, he did.

[louwaffles]

Y/N: Hey, guys. What if I told you I made a bad mistake?

Nat: This wouldn’t be the first time I’m disappointed in you. 

Steve: It would show your levels of maturity are dropping. 

Tony: It would actually be alarming to hear you didn’t make a mistake. 

Sam, from the bathroom: Y/N, what did you do to these cookies?!