#tony stark incorrect quotes

[incorrectquotesmcu]

Steve and Bucky: [kissing]

Tony: What the actual fuck?! Oh you sick, sick bastards.

Steve: Listen, Tony—

Tony: This is incest!

Bucky: No it’s not.

Tony: Yes it is, Barnes.

Bucky: We’re not related.

Tony: Oh and that makes it okay, I suppose?

Steve: Well it makes it not incest.

[chaxan08]

Steve: I truly believe that water can solve all your problems.

Bruce: Weight loss? Drink water.

Tony: Clear skin? Drink water.

Natasha: Want to get rid of someone? Drown them.

Everyone:

[marionluth]

Harley: Wanna know what would be really cool?

Peter: Honestly, I don't think I wanna know, no.

Harley: Being shot

Tony: No!

Peter: Been there, done that. Not particularly cool either…

Tony: You’ve been what?

Peter:

Harley: No, no! BEING SHOT. As in being the one… shot… at someone! As in human projectile with the speed of a bullet!

Peter:

Tony:

Harley: I mean… think of the damage here…

Peter: *sitting up* This holds promise.

Tony: No!

Peter: We'd have to take into account a ton of stuff, mass and volume of human projectile…

Harley:...energy source and force distribution…

Peter:... Acceleration curve, g force tolerance…

Harley:... trajectory and stability…

Peter: I'm bringing the whiteboard!

Tony: NO!

[movienerd22]

Tony: hey good job on the mission kid

Peter: thanks dad

Tony:

Peter:

Clint: (in the vents holding his laughter in)

Peter: I got to go… uh home, yeah home

[incorrectpeterparker]

Peter: Getting up a 6am made me realize that 6am isn’t a place it’s an emotion

Tony: 6am isn’t a place at all

Peter: That’s because it’s an emotion

[oscorp-lawsuit]

Headcanon that when Peter accidentally calls Tony dad for the first time, he immediately freaks out over his slip-up (as usual) but Tony is running on like -20 hours of sleep and doesn’t even notice the mistake but he responds to it so suddenly Peter spirals into ANOTHER crisis because does that mean Tony thinks of Peter as his son, or did he just not hear him right? And now he doesn’t know how to bring it up without outing the fact that he wants Mr. Stark to be his dad

Peter: “Hey, dad?”

Peter, internally: Wait, shit shit! Why did I say that? I can’t call Mr. Stark DAD. That’s so creepy-

Tony, dead on his feet and hearing colors: “Yeah, Pete?”

Peter:

Peter, tearing up: “Um-”

[theocanhavemyheart]

Steve: Tony, when’s your birthday?

Tony: Why? So you can look up my natal chart? So you can figure out my weaknesses? So you can destroy me?

Steve: …So I know when to wish you a happy birthday.

[marvel-lous-guy]

Peter: what's a polite way to say "this essay would have been better if I had any clue what the fuck I was doing"?

Pepper: "the analysis is severely limited by my lack of understanding what I am doing"

Peter: wow, that was great! You're really good at this!

Tony: she has to some up with polite ways to say all the shit she wants to in those board meetings

Pepper: not just in board meetings

[romanoffshouse]

Peter: Can I ride this scooter outside?

Tony: I'm not your dad, do what you want.

Peter: Okay!

Tony: Not in the street!

[lalixlizzie]

Peter: So, what did you do last night?

Tony: Nothing.

Peter: I know, but what did you actually do?

Tony: Literally nothing. I sat in a chair and I stared.

[incorrectquotesmcu]

Steve: So does anyone have any healthy stress outlets?

Tony: Screaming.

Natasha: Violence.

Bruce: Tea.

Clint: Also violence.

Steve: …Okay, so we’ve got tea.

[chaxan08]

Natasha: So, your plan is to spend the rest of your life being mad at Rogers?

Tony, scoffs: Well, that’s not my only plan.

Natasha:

Tony: One day, I’d love to build a cabin in the woods.

[marionluth]

Tony: Have you ever considered TRYING to be careful when you're spider-Manning?

Peter: Life's too short for careful.

Tony: Life's even shorter without careful, kid! Drunk Spider-Manning? Really?

Peter: You once entertained party guests by doning your armor and shooting glasses they threw in the air.

Tony:

Peter:

Tony: This is one of those do as I say not as I do moments.

Peter:

Tony:

Peter: I regret nothing.

Tony: I'm telling Pepper.

Peter: I'm going to my room to think about my actions and thoroughly repent.

Tony: There's some good use of your Spidey-sense.

[movienerd22]

Natasha: Tony have you seen Barton

Tony: *looks up to the Celling* no

Natasha:

Tony:

Natasha: *pointing her gun up at the vent*

Clint: *sticks his head out of the vent* hey no! *he shrieks*

Tony: *absolutely done* please don’t shoot my ceiling again

[gfmaximoff]

Tony: I’m making a documentary about my life. Rogers, I want you to play my father.

Steve: I don’t want to be your father.

Tony: Perfect. You already know your lines.

[oscorp-lawsuit]

Pepper: Tony, why do you keep ignoring lab safety protocol when it always ends in some sort of explosion or OSHA violation?

Tony: Well, Pep, some of the greatest scientific discoveries were made by ignoring lab safety protocol. Besides, Tony backwards spells “Y Not” so it’s really in my namesake.

Pepper:

Pepper: Did Peter give you that one?

Tony: Yes, he did.