#incorrect peter parker quotes

[incorrectpeterparker]

Peter: Getting up a 6am made me realize that 6am isn’t a place it’s an emotion

Tony: 6am isn’t a place at all

Peter: That’s because it’s an emotion

[oscorp-lawsuit]

Headcanon that when Peter accidentally calls Tony dad for the first time, he immediately freaks out over his slip-up (as usual) but Tony is running on like -20 hours of sleep and doesn’t even notice the mistake but he responds to it so suddenly Peter spirals into ANOTHER crisis because does that mean Tony thinks of Peter as his son, or did he just not hear him right? And now he doesn’t know how to bring it up without outing the fact that he wants Mr. Stark to be his dad

Peter: “Hey, dad?”

Peter, internally: Wait, shit shit! Why did I say that? I can’t call Mr. Stark DAD. That’s so creepy-

Tony, dead on his feet and hearing colors: “Yeah, Pete?”

Peter:

Peter, tearing up: “Um-”

[incorrectmcuquotess]

Tony: Sometimes I think you were bred in a lab to help people.

Peter: You know what else they bred in a lab?

Tony: Steve.

Peter: I was gonna say pugs…

[underoooos]

The Avengers: What's the definition of "innocent"?

Tony, pointing at Peter and using Peter's hand to wave at them: Right here!

Peter: *grimaces as the Avengers awkwardly wave back*

[1luna1lovegood1]

Tony: there's only one thing worse than losing!

Stephen: [rips off paper to make it say 'losing peter'] boom!

Peter, nodding: me.

Tony: no-

[incorrectgwenstacy]

Miles: If I run and leap at Peter, he will 100% catch me in his arms.

Peter B, entering while holding a cup of coffee: Hey, what’s up?

Miles: *runs towards him at full speed before jumping*

Peter B: Wait, my coffee!

Peter B: *drops the coffee to catch Miles*

[sarcasm-and-stiles]

Y/N: *clearly annoyed*

Peter: what’s wrong?

Peter: is it because my shoes light up and yours don’t?

[dead-sane-stuff]

*Peter doing anything remotely life threatning*

Tony: What has gotten into that child? I'm telling you, he gets it from your side of the family!

Pepper *sighing*: Tony, Peter isn't our biological child

Tony *sniffling back tears*: I know 😢

[marvel-lous-guy]

*Tony reading Peters MIT application*

Tony: "I single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents"

Harley: What the hell does that mean?

Peter: it can be roughly translated to "I changed a light bulb"

Tony: You have literally helped me build an ironman suit. Why are you writing about changing a lightbulb?

Peter: Wait, I can write about building an ironman suit!?

Tony: ...yes!

Peter: can I write about the webshooters too?

Tony: Obviously!

Peter: and science fair projects?

Tony: Well yeah! That's the whole point!

Peter: ...Mr Stark I have made a terrible mistake and need that paper back before you lose all respect for me

Harley: yeah, too late for that

[jjsmaybank20]

Peter: What's the most efficient way to burn calories? Steve: Exercise more! Y/N: Set yourself on fire. Tony: There are two kinds of people.

[incorrectpeterparker]

Peter: I accidentally ate MJ’s sandwich… How long do you think I have to live?

Ned: Ten

Peter: Ten what?

Ned: Nine

[oscorp-lawsuit]

Tony: makes a joke belittling himself

Peter: “Ah! No self-depreciation. Put another hundred in the jar.”

Tony: grumbles to himself as he shoved a $100 bill into a jar labeled “Mr. Stark’s Self Love Bank <3”

[incorrectmcuquotess]

Peter: This is the worst day of my life.

Tony, trying and failing to be comforting: The worst day of your life, so far.

[fromjannah]

ACROSS THE SPIDERVERSE + memes/text posts (1/?)

[thenomadicquill]

Dick: So how long have you been doing this whole crime fighting thing?

Peter: Honestly, kinda lost track around the 90s but a long time.

Dick: That's rough. You got any back up like a team?

Peter: Nah. Been on several teams but none that stick. I like doing things on my own.

Dick: Any family?

Peter: Nope. My parents were CIA agents and killed by the Red Skull, the leader of Hydra, when I was young-

Dick: W-wait-

Peter: I was adopted by my aunt and uncle but when I got my powers, I let a robber go and that same robber killed my uncle-

Dick hearing aggressive running in the distance: Pete stop-

Peter: Yea and after being spider-man for a while I was hated by a news organization, was accused of killing my first girlfriend's dad-

*Aggressive running speeds up*

Dick: Pete, stop he is coming-

Peter: And then she died in my arms after I tried to catch her with a web but didn't factor in the momentum. And I have been non-stop struggling since.

*Aggressive running stops*

Dick: Oh no... he is here.

Peter: Who-

Bruce Wayne bursting through the wall holding a robin costume: SO, YOU'VE STRUGGLED ALL YOUR LIFE AND ARE, OR CLOSE TO BEING, AN ORPHAN??

Dick: PETE RUN!

[incorrectgwenstacy]

Peter B: Yeah, maybe I don’t get “a healthy amount of sleep,” but can other people do this?

Peter B: *stands up and blacks out for a second*