#incorrect iron dad and spider son quotes

[incorrectmcuquotess]

Peter: This is the worst day of my life.

Tony, trying and failing to be comforting: The worst day of your life, so far.

[wynnd-citrus]

nearly forgot to post this onto my tumblr today (im so used to just posting to IG and then being done but i must now take care of my tumblr page too hehe)

[spidey-017]

Peter: *almost dies*

Tony: jeez kid, did Rogers teach you your self-preservation skills or something?

Peter: no, my parents did

Tony: kid-

[irondadspiderson4evr]

Peter: TONY TONY TONY TONY

Tony: No, you cannot borrow my iron man suit for high school hero day.

Peter: NO THAT ISN’T IT!

Tony, turning around: What is it t- is that a knife?

Peter, gesturing at the knife in his side: YEAH! I got stabbed!

Tony, panicking: WELL WHY THE FUCK AREN’T YOU AT THE HOSPITAL-

Peter: Because! I wanted to show you! It’s my first stabbing!

Tony: YOU SHOULD NOT BE EXCITED ABOUT THIS!

[at1r1-park3r]

Peter; at school and just got in trouble: I swear I'm innocent!

Principal; not amused: That's it. Your aunt passed? I'm calling your parents.

Peter: Haha, good luck with that!

Principal: What?

Peter: My parents are DEAD! *unhinged laughter*

Principal: but I have their phone numbers....

[ironspidersblog]

Tony at the start of spider-man homecoming: spider-man? Peter Parker? He’s cool, he helped us in the airport fight

Tony by the end of homecoming: if anyone even BREATHES AGGRESSIVELY AT MY SON I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN

[thewrittenpodcast]

Peter: can we get a puppy

Tony: no

Peter: why

Tony: we have Harley

Peter: but Harley isn't a puppy

Harley, spinning in circles trying to lick his elbow:

Peter:

Peter: never mind I see your point

[marionluth]

Tony: Have you ever considered TRYING to be careful when you're spider-Manning?

Peter: Life's too short for careful.

Tony: Life's even shorter without careful, kid! Drunk Spider-Manning? Really?

Peter: You once entertained party guests by doning your armor and shooting glasses they threw in the air.

Tony:

Peter:

Tony: This is one of those do as I say not as I do moments.

Peter:

Tony:

Peter: I regret nothing.

Tony: I'm telling Pepper.

Peter: I'm going to my room to think about my actions and thoroughly repent.

Tony: There's some good use of your Spidey-sense.

[ramen8008]

Peter: Mr. stark can I borrow 2500 dollars?

Tony: Yeah sure but what's it for?

Peter: ...an escape room

Tony: what kind of escape room costs 2500 dollars??

Peter: ...prison

[oscorp-lawsuit]

Headcanon that when Peter accidentally calls Tony dad for the first time, he immediately freaks out over his slip-up (as usual) but Tony is running on like -20 hours of sleep and doesn’t even notice the mistake but he responds to it so suddenly Peter spirals into ANOTHER crisis because does that mean Tony thinks of Peter as his son, or did he just not hear him right? And now he doesn’t know how to bring it up without outing the fact that he wants Mr. Stark to be his dad

Peter: “Hey, dad?”

Peter, internally: Wait, shit shit! Why did I say that? I can’t call Mr. Stark DAD. That’s so creepy-

Tony, dead on his feet and hearing colors: “Yeah, Pete?”

Peter:

Peter, tearing up: “Um-”

[incorrecttonyxeveryonequotes]

Peter: Whaddya call a fish with no eye?

Tony: [not looking up] Myxine Circifrons

Peter: ...

Peter: fsh

[irondad-and-spiderson]

Tony: Remind me to teach you some common sense

Peter: I had common sense until you started teaching me!

[wynnd-citrus]

Yk the art meme…

[onpluton]

bubble tea vs. tony stark

peter: mr stark i have something for you to try

tony: yeah okay *takes the drink handed to him*

someone: wait i thought he didn’t like to be handed things

tony: hrrrk *tapioca pearls fall out of his mouth*

peter: mr stark! you’re supposed to chew those!

tony: did. did you just try to kill me? that’s it. you’re outta the will.

peter: it’s not my fault you- wait. i was in the will?

-

tony, lying down on the therapy couch: is this gonna keep happening? am i going to distrust every food or drink my kid gives me?

sam: *sips his bubble tea loudly*

[irondadspiderson4evr]

Zombie apocalypse AU

Tony, turning away from Steve after finishing with the boards on his side: alright kid, let’s- what are you doing?

Peter, playing with a zombie while hanging upside down: That’s right! Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy! You’re a good boy!

Tony, pinching the bridge of his nose: Peter, that is not a puppy, nor will it ever be a puppy. It is going to EAT you.

Peter: whaaat? No! (Queue the zombie trying to bite him) HEY! NO. Bad zombie, BAD ZOMBIE! We don’t bite! Bad!

Steve, shaking his head: Tony, what is wrong with your kid?

Tony: I… don’t know. I just let him do whatever. Hey, kid! You web that thing’s mouth shut and you can keep it.

Peter: YAY!

[ironspidersblog]

Peter: if you even cared you’d actually be here

Tony, about to scold the hell out of his reckless, but with good intentions, son: