#incorrect captain america

[1luna1lovegood1]

Clint: WHY AREN'T THERE ADULT-SIZED PLAYGROUNDS? !

Natasha : so like, everything is the same as a kids' playground but bigger!

Clint : yeah, why don't we have those?!

Steve : they are called theme parks.

Clint: but you have to PAY for theme parks!

Steve: that's the adult part.

[thewrittenpodcast]

How i imagine Avengers family game night goes:

Peter: pay me my money

Sam: nnnnno

Nat: don't worry I have a gun

Peter: You have a gun??

Bucky: I have one too

Steve: NO

Steve: NO GUNS

[i-a-q]

Bucky: Why do you always look at me like that?

Steve: Like what?

Bucky: Like you’re scared I’ll disappear again.

Steve: *quietly* ... Because I am.

[incorrectmcuquotess]

Steve: All right. Start with a hundred push-ups!

Clint: All right, cool. How many do you want me to do?

Steve: A hundred.

Clint: Oh, I thought that was a figure of speech, "A hundred push-ups." Like, "do a bazillion push-ups." No one can do a hundred.

[marvelnatasha]

Steve: Are you mad?

Bucky: No.

Steve: So sharpening your knives at 3 in the morning is just a hobby?

[marvel-lous-guy]

Steve: Why are you eating tofu?

Bucky: I'm trying to convince Sam I'm a vegan

Steve: Why?

Bucky: I've been stealing his chicken from the fridge and if I'm vegan, he can't accuse me of stealing it

Steve: Why not just buy your own chicken, Buck?

Bucky: this is much more fun, watch

Sam: Okay! I have had enough! WHO THE HELL! IS EATING MY GOD DAMN CHICKEN!?

[i-au-a-q]

Hydra!Peter

Steve: Wait, Hydra made you?

Peter: Yup. Spider powers and all.

Sam: Why aren’t you more messed up?

Steve: Sam!

Peter: I eat a lot of pizza. Helps balance things out.

[skylarinfinity]

[bucky and male reader came across zombie captain america when they try to find survivors]

bucky : [notice zombie captain america and tap male reader shoulder] male reader, get ready-

male reader : [turn and see zombie captain america] bless his heart, he hasn't changed a bit.

[zombie captain america throw his shield towards male reader and bucky but missed]

male reader : [click his tongue] ah just like he was when we dated... brainless.

bucky : [panicking, try to avoid zombie captain america attack] male reader, not now!!

tags lists @sonicqaulan @graysonfriggason @thebettermaximofftwins @sloanalistair @acienthazard @starlinggoldeneyes @ortegaolsen @wednesdaywanda @sandwichmarvel @gardenofmarvel @wanda-cabin-natasha-jacket @panandinpain0 @badblondebisexualboy

[incorrectmarvels]

Steve: I have a plan.

Fury: It can’t involve overthrowing the government.

Natasha: Okay well-

Fury: It also can’t involve murder.

Natasha and Steve: We have no plan.

[topknott]

Steve: We call that a traumatic experience.

Steve, turning to Harley: Not a "bruh moment".

Steve, turning to Shuri: Not "sadge".

Steve, turning to Peter: And DEFINITELY not an "oof LMAO".

[incorrect-wandanat]

Steve: No offense but-

Peter: Oh well this is going to offend.

Steve: I haven’t even-

Peter: All of my pseudo-parents are team Iron Man. I can’t support you.

Steve: Your pseudo-parents? What about Wanda?!?

Peter, hugs Wanda: She repented.

Wanda, tearful: That’s right. I fell face first into Natasha’s boobs and never looked back.

Steve: Damn it! Next time I’m just going to offend.

Peter: I think you already have, Steven.

[1luna1lovegood1]

Bucky: *messages the boys at 3am*

Peter : *replies back soon after*

Steve: What the fuck are you doing awake, go to sleep

[thewrittenpodcast]

Clint and Natasha, frozen and staring at each other across the counter:

Bruce: this is so creepy

Tony: how long have they been like this

Peter: about an hour

Steve: what happened

Peter: he stole her chips

[i-a-q]

Tony: *after a long day* We’re not solving any more problems today, team.

Steve: But—

Tony: Nope. I declare today a non-solving problems day. No one is allowed to be productive until further notice.

Peter: Can we order pizza then?

Tony: *sighs* Yeah, that counts as not solving anything. Let’s go with that.

[marvelsarchiveofdumb]

Sam, to Bucky: you got hair that long and you can't braid? that's embarrassing

[painted-doe]