#incorrect steve rogers

[ironshieldchild]

a little something i made lmao

[hurtspideyparker]

Tony may be a genius academically, easily understanding anything he sets out to research or create, but street smarts and common sense just do not come naturally to him.

And then there's Steve, who may not understand anything about astrophysics or calculus, but is extremely clever and sharp. His practical intelligence and strategy helps him outwit even the greatest of brilliance.

Steve, watching Tony bump into the same coffee table for the third time this week: You good there?

Tony: Yeah don't worry about it, I do that all the time. Practically have a permanent bruise on my thigh from it

Steve: Why don't you just... move the table?

Tony:

Tony: Huh.

[randomstuffjustrandom]

Surrounded by Assassins

Steve, being righteous or smth: If you kill a killer, the total number of killers remain the same.

Bucky, mouth full of cereal: Kill 2.

Clint, coming out of the vents: Not if you were already a killer.

Natasha, bored: Then just kill yourself.

Bonus:

Steve, face palms: oh my god! That’s not the point.

Tony, nonchalant: What did you expect? You’re surrounded by assassins.

[thewrittenpodcast]

How i imagine Avengers family game night goes:

Peter: pay me my money

Sam: nnnnno

Nat: don't worry I have a gun

Peter: You have a gun??

Bucky: I have one too

Steve: NO

Steve: NO GUNS

[fandom-tornado]

Steve: Hey Buck? Bucky: yeah Steve: *makes eye contact for two seconds* Steve: ok thanks Bucky: mhm *goes back to reading* Sam, standing in the doorway: what did I just witness

(check out my blog!!)

[mamaspidershit]

Peter: Hi, I'm Spider-Man, sarcasm and one liners department. Steve: Terrific, and you are? Natasha: Black Widow. Applied violences.

[i-a-q]

Bucky: Why do you always look at me like that?

Steve: Like what?

Bucky: Like you’re scared I’ll disappear again.

Steve: *quietly* ... Because I am.

[1luna1lovegood1]

Bucky: *messages the boys at 3am*

Peter : *replies back soon after*

Steve: What the fuck are you doing awake, go to sleep

[ramen8008]

Cap's birthday isn't actually the 4th of July (it's 28 Sep)

But it's too late to say anything so he's just going about every year being wished happy birthday on the 4th of July and he is in too deep and Bucky is kinda confused as to why even the Avengers don't know.

Steve sees Bucky's confused face and before Bucky can say anything Steve desperately gets Bucky out of the room.

But you see what the others don't know? There's someone else who knows Cap's actual birthday.

TONY FREAKING STARK. Son of HOWARD STARK

But Tony isn't going to tell the others. Nope. He's going to mess with Cap every time the rest celebrate his birthday.

"Sorry my gift isn't here yet Cap. It'll take a few months. But it should be here in September. On the 28th. Is that okay with you?"

Bucky tries to wish him a happy birthday on his actual birthday when he doesn't know that the rest don't know yet and Steve basically tackles him before he can get a word out.

There are two days both Bucky and Tony will see Steve's anxiety through the roof.

It's on the 4th of July and on 28th September.

Each second he just knows somehow it's going to get out. Maybe it should. He doesn't want to live with this anymore. But they can't know. He has gone too long. They will never stop making fun of him. He will never recover.

And both Tony and Bucky are just like,

"We have to help him. He's going off the walls"

"by what? Telling the others? Pfft- no this is so much more fun"

"how do you know anyways?"

"my dad was obsessed with the guy. Remembered more about him than me. Never thought I'd be this happy about that"

"huh"

"My gift is coming today"

"what is it anyways. You wouldn't tell anyone"

"It's a giant birthday card that sings him Happy Birthday on repeat"

"..."

"in any usual sense it would be alright. Just a joke. But today? One word related to his actual birthday?"

"he's so going to break"

"Oh yes he is"

"you're evil, Stark"

"If I was evil I would have told the others and had them keep it a secret and mess with him until he thinks he's going crazy"

"....and you didn't do that?"

"nope. That's my plan for next year. The big one zero zero. His 100th birthday is going to be amazing"

"I have never seen you think excited for literally anything else"

"What can I say? I just love my friends"

"uh huh"

"Oh the gift is here. FRIDAY remember to record this. I'm going to go put on a suit"

[incorrectmcuquotess]

Bucky, to Tony: Those pants are great. And I bet they’d look even better on Steve’s floor. Steve: Are you hitting on Tony... for me?

Bucky: Well you weren’t doing anything about it, punk.

[svetlanabeilschmidtannon]

Why steve dosent borrow y/ns laptop

Steve:the porn on your computer...made my jaw drop

Y/n*confused*what?

Steve*walks away with a cup of coffee*

*she checked her laptop notice that its set to where she left it . Little later sees the tabs *

*Tumblr

*Ao3

*Wattpad

Y/n*inhales* no sh*t *bookmarks and close tabs mumbling*he will be ok

Tony:did you freeze on the way out

Steve:im not borrowing her laptop 🥲😳

Tony:saw something

Steve:fanfic Smutt

Tony:you know they are manuals

[ironshieldchild]

you guys asked for more of these

[hurtspideyparker]

Tony going to bed at 6 am crossing paths with Steve waking up for the day:

Steve: Oh hey Tony, you're up early

Tony: Y'know me, early bird gets the worm. And I... am a well adjusted member of bird-ciety.

Steve: Okay then... did you wanna join me on my morning run? It's great, really sets a productive tone for the rest of the day

Tony: Well I totally would except I'd rather be doing anything else

Steve: (• - •)

Tony:

Tony: Anyways, nice seeing you buddy. I'm going to go do some productive morning... lunges... for the next few hours

*Tony pats Steve on the back and goes to his bedroom*

Steve: What an odd morning routine. But this must be why he's so hard-working, always starting early and balancing his day well. I admire his work ethic!

*Walks down the hall and passes Tony's open bedroom door, where he's starfished on top of the covers dead asleep and snoring obnoxiously*

Steve: Oh thank god, that makes way more sense.

[iwasmadetobeasoldier]

Avenger's compound - 2207 hours

Steve: It's missing again!!

Tony: Friday, I need a report every ten minutes of progress

Bucky: I'll take the perimeter!

Natasha: Barton and I will take the vents

Sam: Do we have eyes on it? Who had it last?

Fury: What in the hell is going on?!

Steve: We lost the sponge in the sink again.

Bucky: can't wash dishes when the sponge is missing.

@thatlittleguyfrombrooklyn, @clintbarton-thearrowguy, @natt-romanoff, @proud-owner-0f-americas-ass, @im-not-a-pirate @we-love-redwing, @thebestmerc-1, @oh-to-be-a-murderer, @fictionalmenjusthitdifferent,

//i do loose the sponge in the sink sometimes//

[thewrittenpodcast]

Clint and Natasha, frozen and staring at each other across the counter:

Bruce: this is so creepy

Tony: how long have they been like this

Peter: about an hour

Steve: what happened

Peter: he stole her chips

[marvelnatasha]

Steve: Are you mad?

Bucky: No.

Steve: So sharpening your knives at 3 in the morning is just a hobby?