#incorrect steve rogers

[ironshieldchild]

a little something i made lmao

[hurtspideyparker]

Tony going to bed at 6 am crossing paths with Steve waking up for the day:

Steve: Oh hey Tony, you're up early

Tony: Y'know me, early bird gets the worm. And I... am a well adjusted member of bird-ciety.

Steve: Okay then... did you wanna join me on my morning run? It's great, really sets a productive tone for the rest of the day

Tony: Well I totally would except I'd rather be doing anything else

Steve: (• - •)

Tony:

Tony: Anyways, nice seeing you buddy. I'm going to go do some productive morning... lunges... for the next few hours

*Tony pats Steve on the back and goes to his bedroom*

Steve: What an odd morning routine. But this must be why he's so hard-working, always starting early and balancing his day well. I admire his work ethic!

*Walks down the hall and passes Tony's open bedroom door, where he's starfished on top of the covers dead asleep and snoring obnoxiously*

Steve: Oh thank god, that makes way more sense.

[randomstuffjustrandom]

Surrounded by Assassins

Steve, being righteous or smth: If you kill a killer, the total number of killers remain the same.

Bucky, mouth full of cereal: Kill 2.

Clint, coming out of the vents: Not if you were already a killer.

Natasha, bored: Then just kill yourself.

Bonus:

Steve, face palms: oh my god! That’s not the point.

Tony, nonchalant: What did you expect? You’re surrounded by assassins.

[thewrittenpodcast]

How i imagine Avengers family game night goes:

Peter: pay me my money

Sam: nnnnno

Nat: don't worry I have a gun

Peter: You have a gun??

Bucky: I have one too

Steve: NO

Steve: NO GUNS

[mamaspidershit]

Peter: Hi, I'm Spider-Man, sarcasm and one liners department. Steve: Terrific, and you are? Natasha: Black Widow. Applied violences.

[i-a-q]

Bucky: Why do you always look at me like that?

Steve: Like what?

Bucky: Like you’re scared I’ll disappear again.

Steve: *quietly* ... Because I am.

[1luna1lovegood1]

Bucky: *messages the boys at 3am*

Peter : *replies back soon after*

Steve: What the fuck are you doing awake, go to sleep

[incorrectmcuquotess]

Bucky, to Tony: Those pants are great. And I bet they’d look even better on Steve’s floor. Steve: Are you hitting on Tony... for me?

Bucky: Well you weren’t doing anything about it, punk.

[ramen8008]

Cap's birthday isn't actually the 4th of July (it's 28 Sep)

But it's too late to say anything so he's just going about every year being wished happy birthday on the 4th of July and he is in too deep and Bucky is kinda confused as to why even the Avengers don't know.

Steve sees Bucky's confused face and before Bucky can say anything Steve desperately gets Bucky out of the room.

But you see what the others don't know? There's someone else who knows Cap's actual birthday.

TONY FREAKING STARK. Son of HOWARD STARK

But Tony isn't going to tell the others. Nope. He's going to mess with Cap every time the rest celebrate his birthday.

"Sorry my gift isn't here yet Cap. It'll take a few months. But it should be here in September. On the 28th. Is that okay with you?"

Bucky tries to wish him a happy birthday on his actual birthday when he doesn't know that the rest don't know yet and Steve basically tackles him before he can get a word out.

There are two days both Bucky and Tony will see Steve's anxiety through the roof.

It's on the 4th of July and on 28th September.

Each second he just knows somehow it's going to get out. Maybe it should. He doesn't want to live with this anymore. But they can't know. He has gone too long. They will never stop making fun of him. He will never recover.

And both Tony and Bucky are just like,

"We have to help him. He's going off the walls"

"by what? Telling the others? Pfft- no this is so much more fun"

"how do you know anyways?"

"my dad was obsessed with the guy. Remembered more about him than me. Never thought I'd be this happy about that"

"huh"

"My gift is coming today"

"what is it anyways. You wouldn't tell anyone"

"It's a giant birthday card that sings him Happy Birthday on repeat"

"..."

"in any usual sense it would be alright. Just a joke. But today? One word related to his actual birthday?"

"he's so going to break"

"Oh yes he is"

"you're evil, Stark"

"If I was evil I would have told the others and had them keep it a secret and mess with him until he thinks he's going crazy"

"....and you didn't do that?"

"nope. That's my plan for next year. The big one zero zero. His 100th birthday is going to be amazing"

"I have never seen you think excited for literally anything else"

"What can I say? I just love my friends"

"uh huh"

"Oh the gift is here. FRIDAY remember to record this. I'm going to go put on a suit"

[svetlanabeilschmidtannon]

Why steve dosent borrow y/ns laptop

Steve:the porn on your computer...made my jaw drop

Y/n*confused*what?

Steve*walks away with a cup of coffee*

*she checked her laptop notice that its set to where she left it . Little later sees the tabs *

*Tumblr

*Ao3

*Wattpad

Y/n*inhales* no sh*t *bookmarks and close tabs mumbling*he will be ok

Tony:did you freeze on the way out

Steve:im not borrowing her laptop 🥲😳

Tony:saw something

Steve:fanfic Smutt

Tony:you know they are manuals

[ironrad]

Clint who just learned a new game from his kids:

Clint: Alright guys we’re all going to pass the phone around and say who we’d warn someone about before coming to the Avengers compound

Clint: I’ll start. Personally, I would warn people about Tony because I never know what he’s up to in that lab…

Nat: What are we doing? Oh ok, I’d warn people about Peter. He acts innocent, but I see right through it…

Tony: You want my honest answer? Steve. Next question-

Steve: Um maybe all of us because we have powers and can be dangerous when crossed.

Steve: That wasn’t the question? Ok, fine, I’d warn them about Queens. He scares me sometimes…

Bucky whispering: …Peter.

Sam: Why did you whisper that?

Bucky: He’s always listening.

Sam: Yikes, anyways, I’m gonna go with Bucky.

Bucky: Hey-

Bruce: Hi! I’m Bruce Banner, and I think I would warn people about Peter and Tony. Alone they’re both trouble, and together they’re a train wreck, but the good kind. Hang on-

Peter: Oh EZ, I’ve seen this on Tik Tok. Mr. Stark, no questions asked. That guy is everywhere all the time. I can’t get shit-

Steve: Language.

Peter: Sorry! I can’t get anything over on him.

Happy: Peter and Tony.

Thor: Ah, yes, hello. I would warn them of ME.

Thor spinning his hammer and chugging a keg:

Stephen: Tony. I try to avoid him at all costs.

Pepper: Awe thank you for including me. I’d warn them of my husband and his teenager…sometimes I need an extra warning.

The Avengers watching back the footage:

Tony: I’ve done nothing but be a pleasant member of this team.

Peter: Yeah, sounds about right.

[ironshieldchild]

you guys asked for more of these

[hurtspideyparker]

Tony may be a genius academically, easily understanding anything he sets out to research or create, but street smarts and common sense just do not come naturally to him.

And then there's Steve, who may not understand anything about astrophysics or calculus, but is extremely clever and sharp. His practical intelligence and strategy helps him outwit even the greatest of brilliance.

Steve, watching Tony bump into the same coffee table for the third time this week: You good there?

Tony: Yeah don't worry about it, I do that all the time. Practically have a permanent bruise on my thigh from it

Steve: Why don't you just... move the table?

Tony:

Tony: Huh.

[marvelnatasha]

Steve: Are you mad?

Bucky: No.

Steve: So sharpening your knives at 3 in the morning is just a hobby?

[thewrittenpodcast]

Clint and Natasha, frozen and staring at each other across the counter:

Bruce: this is so creepy

Tony: how long have they been like this

Peter: about an hour

Steve: what happened

Peter: he stole her chips

[marvel-lous-guy]

Bucky: what happened to you?

Steve: There was this asshole in an alleyway and I tried to fight him so I said "life is short! Smile while you still have teeth"

Bucky: why

Steve: I thought it was a cool line

Bucky: That would be a good line if you could actually knock anyones teeth out

Steve: *smiles to show a missing tooth and a chipped tooth* i did break some teeth, actually

Bucky: you just need to work on your aim