#Incorrect marvel

[hurtspideyparker]

Steve walks into an Avengers meeting room to see Peter and Clint talking:

Peter: I haven't paid taxes in 4 years and I'm fine

Steve: *leaves room in confusion and then comes back 30 seconds later to inquire more*

Peter: All I'm saying is if I were god I could do a better job

Steve: *leaves again*

[incorrectmarvelquote]

Tony: [on the phone] Where are you?

Peter: [also on the phone] I’m waiting for the subway

Tony: Well hurry up

Peter: [panicking] I don’t know how to wait any faster???

[ironshieldchild]

a little something i made lmao

[ynxbucky]

Bucky: *talking and having an important conversation again*

Y/N: *walks by and kisses his cheek with no context without stopping and continues on your way*

Bucky:

Sam:

Sam: Y/N! You broke him! Get back here I don’t want to deal with him

Sam:

Sam: are you blushing??

Bucky, much too fast: NO

[definitelyincorrect]

Steve: Did you have to stab them?

Bucky: You weren’t there. You didn’t hear what they said to me.

Steve: What did they say?

Bucky: “What are you going to do? Stab me?”

Steve: That’s fair.

[1luna1lovegood1]

Clint: WHY AREN'T THERE ADULT-SIZED PLAYGROUNDS? !

Natasha : so like, everything is the same as a kids' playground but bigger!

Clint : yeah, why don't we have those?!

Steve : they are called theme parks.

Clint: but you have to PAY for theme parks!

Steve: that's the adult part.

[ramen8008]

Peter: Mr. stark can I borrow 2500 dollars?

Tony: Yeah sure but what's it for?

Peter: ...an escape room

Tony: what kind of escape room costs 2500 dollars??

Peter: ...prison

[rkiveinmarvel]

Y/N: Can I have a bite of your food? Bucky: Absolutely not. John Walker: Wow. Some great couple. He won’t even share his food. Bucky: It has peanuts on it. They are allergic to peanuts. Are you so jealous of our relationship that you want Y/n to die? John Walker:...

[incorrectpeterparker]

Peter: Getting up a 6am made me realize that 6am isn’t a place it’s an emotion

Tony: 6am isn’t a place at all

Peter: That’s because it’s an emotion

[randomstuffjustrandom]

Smooth

Kate, Sam, Bucky, and Yelena chilling tgth.

Kate, to Yelena: When are you going to stop calling me by my last name? Is it a Russian thing? Cuz I swear Bucky does it too.

Bucky: It isn't a Russian thing, it's an assassin thing. And I'm not Russian. Just so happen they are often linked together.

Yelena: I'll stop calling you by your last name, Bishop, once you change it to Belova.

Everyone: ……..

Sam: …Smoooottthh…

[slavicshadownr]

Yelena: *Carrying all the groceries in both arms*

Kate: *Reaches out to help*

Yelena: *Switches all the groceries to one arm to holds Kate’s hand*

Kate: that’s not what I- ok

[hurtspideyparker]

If Civil War didn't end in divorce and everyone lived together Part 2

Read Part 1 and Part 3

Tony: Why is Underoos mopping the ceiling?

Sam: Told him since he's sticky that's his chore

Bucky: It's only fair he helps out around the house

Tony: Hm. Makes sense

-

Vision cooked dinner:

Peter: *pushing around food to make it look eaten*

Natasha: *surreptitiously spitting into napkin*

Steve: *taking small bites with tons of water*

Bucky: *just stares at full plate*

Tony: Well this is disgusting, I'm ordering pizza

-

Sam: C'mon man stop moping around, you gotta get yourself a girl

Bucky: Ok.

Sam: Ok? Okayyyyy! I know-

Bucky: Give me your phone

Sam: Oh you got a number in mind already hotshot? *hands phone over*

Bucky: *ring* Hi Sarah ;)

Sam: BOY-

-

Peter: Ned thought you would seperate your colours from your lights but he also thought you'd be homophobic so I don't pay him much mind cuz clearly I'm more of a superhero expert than him but he does have a 2% better average than me in history so like maybe you do hand wash your clothes and that's why I asked what underwear you wear because-

Steve: *listening intently with apprehension and alarm*

Natasha: I can't believe you found the one person on Earth who talks more nonsense than you

Tony: I know right, it's incredibly unnerving. I'm planning on adopting him

-

Peter: Mr. Stark I have to tell you something. I think Vision is a... *whispers* pervert

Tony: Um, why?

Peter: He keeps floating through my room without knocking! He saw me changing, he saw my nipples !

Tony: Well if anyone's a predator here it would be you. I mean showing your nipples to a 2 year old? Deplorable.

Peter:

Peter: Oh god, I'm the pervert...

-

Bucky: Y'know animosity isn't good between teammates. I think we should spend more time together

Sam: Am I being punked right now? Where's the camera

Bucky: I'm serious. I think it would be healthy for us to bond

Sam: Okay fine I'll bite... what did you have in mind

Bucky: Wanna go for a run?

Sam: *slams door in Bucky's face*

-

*staring at Bucky's sparkly clean metal arm*

Bucky: Dishwasher?

Peter: Dishwasher :)

(later that day)

Bucky: I've decided to let the child live

Peter: YoU wHaT?!

-

Thwip

Tony: Who took my coffee cup, It was right here

Thwip

Bruce: Um, has someone seen my book? I just had it

Thwip

Steve: I could've sworn I was holding a pen a moment ago

*giggling from the ceiling*

Tony: Young man I will take those webshooters away if you use them for shenanigans and rascality

Peter, muffled: Mr. Hawkeye told me to!

Clint: Oh so you're just gonna rat me out like that?

Peter: Sor- OOF

*falls out of ceiling vent*

-

Sam: You're in my spot

Bucky: There are no spots, it's a common area

Sam: Well that's my spot

Bucky: Did you buy the chair??

Sam: No, but everyone knows that's where I sit. Right Steve?

Steve: Oops I forgot something in my car, be right back *leaves*

Sam: Still my spot

Bucky: Still not

Sam: *sits on him*

Bucky: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL THE COUCHES ARE FREE-

Sam: IT'S MY SPOT YOU CAN'T TAKE A MAN'S FAVOURITE CHAIR-

BUCKY: YOU HAVE ISSUES GET OFF ME-

(one hour later)

Steve: Hey so turns out I don't have a car! Isn't that funn...

Sam & Bucky: *Squeezed awkwardly on the chair together*

Steve: I think I left something in my car

-

Steve: Leave the bedroom door open when you have Vision in there

Wanda: UGH you're so protective

Tony: Teenagers, am I right? Caught Pete reassembling my particle accelerator at midnight because he needed to neutralize a miniature nuclear bomb he nabbed off some guy he neglected to tell me was trying to kill him

Steve:

Steve: Wanda y'know what do whatever you want

Wanda: Really?

Steve: Yes just keep being normal. At least I can read about our issues in a parenting book

-

Thor: Ah, new warriors I see! Good to make all your acquaintance. But why are you so grumpy my friend?

Bucky: *glaring*

Peter: He's always like that. It's um, P- P- PMS? Wait -

Natasha: Yes it's PMS

Wanda: He's got it bad

Steve: *genuinely concerned* Bucky you didn't tell me something was wrong. What can I do to help?

Bucky:

Bucky: I like chocolate

-

Wanda: Welcome to the first annual girls night! This place reeks of men, so I thought we needed some women time

Pepper: Why is Vision here?

Wanda: I get sad when he's gone

Natasha: Why is Pietro here?

Pietro: Slay queens

Wanda: Moral support I think

Maria: Why is Peter here?

Wanda: He looked really upset when I said he wasn't included and I felt bad

Wanda: Anyways... yay girls! Who wants me to paint their nails?

Peter: ME ME ME

-

Steve: Pancakes or waffles?

Natasha: Pancakes

Steve: Good because I don't have a waffle maker

Natasha: Then why would you ask-

Steve: It's important for your voice to be heard, as team leader I value your opinion

*2 minutes later*

Steve: Good morning Clint, pancakes or waffles?

Clint: Waffles

Steve: Oh no.

-

Some of these were based on requests (ex. more Sam & Bucky, dad Steve w/ Wanda) so if you have certain dynamics you enjoy let me know !

[incorrectmarvelquote]

Peter: Someone threw a snowcone at me today

Peter: Hit me right in the face

Peter: I thought I hit a rainbow it was terrifying

[incorrectmcuquotess]

Logan: I suffer from a disorder called Sleep Fighting. Wade: Wow, must be terrible. Logan: Only when I'm losing.

Wade: I suffer from a disorder called Sleep Fuck —

[ynxbucky]

Y/N, mostly asleep, face smushed into Bucky’s arm:

Bucky, who thinks this is the most adorable thing ever: I’m so in love with you

Y/N: mmmhwhat?

Bucky: I said I’m sElling you to the zOO—

[definitelyincorrect]

Clint, at a coffee shop: Can I get a large vanilla latte with um, seven espresso shots?

Natasha, behind him: JESUS CHRIST, just do cocaine!