#Incorrect marvel

[hurtspideyparker]

In a timeline where Civil War didn't end in divorce and everyone lives in the compound:

Steve, walking into the living room: Don't worry Buck I think you'll really fit in around here. Everyone is super nice

Peter: Oh my god you're living here too?! Can I please look at your arm? Please please please please please-

Bucky: *turns around and leaves*

-

Clint: So... wanna test if your spider-sense defeats my perfect aim?

Peter: Oh my god do I ever

Tony & Steve: NO.

-

Peter: Hi. Big fan. Y'know we're like a spider duo. Crime fighting spiders. Arachnid pals

Natasha, staring blankly:

Peter: Web friends? SPY-ders?

Natasha:

Peter: Spinneret associates?

Natasha: Leave.

Peter: Yes okay sorry ma'am

-

During a meal:

Bucky: *glaring at Sam*

Sam: Ay Rogers come get your dog

Steve: Bucky, leave it

Bucky: *glares down at soup instead*

-

Peter: Mr. Rogers could you help me with my homework?

Tony: What the hell kid, I'm right here

Bruce: I have... so many degrees

Steve: Hey I know a thing or two myself. Sure Queens, what do you got?

Peter: Great! I'm just gonna ask some questions for my essay. What would you say the role of war propaganda was in your decision to enroll in the military? Was being poor a factor? Actually, how was the Great Depression for you?

Steve: Less depressing than this conversation.

-

Steve: Take a jacket, it's chilly

Wanda: Okay thanks dad

Steve:

Wanda:

Peter: Ha! That's so embarrassing, it's like calling your teacher dad

Wanda: Shut up Peter, you call Tony dad all the time

Peter: Yeah but I do it on purpose so it's not embarrassing. I'm very open about my daddy issues

-

Tony: I wanna punch you in your perfect teeth

Steve:

Tony: Looking at me with your angelic blue eyes, like a freak

Steve:

Tony: Stupid Dorito ass build. Making me wanna take a bite

Steve: I feel harassed but I'm not sure what kind

-

Natasha: Hey bird brain!

Clint and Sam both turn:

Natasha: Hm, that's a problem. You have thirty seconds to decide who gets bird brain. The other will be feather head

Clint and Sam: *start arguing*

Tony: I can't believe they're fighting to be called an insult

Steve: She has that effect on people

Peter: Aw man, I wish the Black Widow gave me a nickname :(

-

Peter: Hey old man

Bucky:

Peter: I'M SO SORRY SIR MR. WILSON MADE ME DO IT PLEASE DONT KILL ME

Sam: *cackling in the background*

Bucky: *stands up and turns to Sam*

Sam: Oh shit- kid you're not getting the money if you're gonna snitch!

Peter: That's okay, I'd like to think my life is worth more than twenty bucks

-

Bucky: I need your... help

Tony: Sure, what's up?

Bucky: *glances back at Steve who stands in the doorway and nods approvingly*

Bucky: Arm.

Tony: Ok... this conversation is killing you isn't it?

Bucky:

Tony: Say please

Bucky: Nope can't do it-

Steve: Do I need to get out the get-along shirt?

*Bucky and Tony share a look of alarm*

Bucky: Please fix my arm

Tony: Yep of course no problem buddy

-

Read Part 2 and Part 3

[incorrectmarvelquote]

Tony: [on the phone] Where are you?

Peter: [also on the phone] I’m waiting for the subway

Tony: Well hurry up

Peter: [panicking] I don’t know how to wait any faster???

[ironshieldchild]

a little something i made lmao

[ynxbucky]

Bucky: *talking and having an important conversation again*

Y/N: *walks by and kisses his cheek with no context without stopping and continues on your way*

Bucky:

Sam:

Sam: Y/N! You broke him! Get back here I don’t want to deal with him

Sam:

Sam: are you blushing??

Bucky, much too fast: NO

[definitelyincorrect]

Steve: Did you have to stab them?

Bucky: You weren’t there. You didn’t hear what they said to me.

Steve: What did they say?

Bucky: “What are you going to do? Stab me?”

Steve: That’s fair.

[1luna1lovegood1]

Clint: WHY AREN'T THERE ADULT-SIZED PLAYGROUNDS? !

Natasha : so like, everything is the same as a kids' playground but bigger!

Clint : yeah, why don't we have those?!

Steve : they are called theme parks.

Clint: but you have to PAY for theme parks!

Steve: that's the adult part.

[ramen8008]

Peter: Mr. stark can I borrow 2500 dollars?

Tony: Yeah sure but what's it for?

Peter: ...an escape room

Tony: what kind of escape room costs 2500 dollars??

Peter: ...prison

[rkiveinmarvel]

Y/N: Can I have a bite of your food? Bucky: Absolutely not. John Walker: Wow. Some great couple. He won’t even share his food. Bucky: It has peanuts on it. They are allergic to peanuts. Are you so jealous of our relationship that you want Y/n to die? John Walker:...

[incorrectpeterparker]

Peter: Getting up a 6am made me realize that 6am isn’t a place it’s an emotion

Tony: 6am isn’t a place at all

Peter: That’s because it’s an emotion

[randomstuffjustrandom]

Surrounded by Assassins

Steve, being righteous or smth: If you kill a killer, the total number of killers remain the same.

Bucky, mouth full of cereal: Kill 2.

Clint, coming out of the vents: Not if you were already a killer.

Natasha, bored: Then just kill yourself.

Bonus:

Steve, face palms: oh my god! That’s not the point.

Tony, nonchalant: What did you expect? You’re surrounded by assassins.

[incorrectmcuquotess]

Logan: I suffer from a disorder called Sleep Fighting. Wade: Wow, must be terrible. Logan: Only when I'm losing.

Wade: I suffer from a disorder called Sleep Fuck —

[hurtspideyparker]

Steve: I like you kid, you're gonna do great things

Peter: Thanks! I wanna be just like Mr. Stark when I'm older

Steve: Oh dear god no. No. Where are this child's parents?

Peter: Uh, they're dead-

Steve: IT'S ALREADY BEGUN

[incorrectmarvelquote]

Peter: I wanna play football with her

Tony: Pete, she’s two days old

Harley: She can be the ball

Pepper: Remind me to never leave her alone with you two

[ladylokilaufeyson5]

Steve: Wait, so you were both at Hydra?

Y/n: Yep

Steve: But Bucky got brainwashed and you didn't? Why?

Bucky: I'd assume it's hard to brainwash something that doesn't have a brain

[ynxbucky]

Y/N, mostly asleep, face smushed into Bucky’s arm:

Bucky, who thinks this is the most adorable thing ever: I’m so in love with you

Y/N: mmmhwhat?

Bucky: I said I’m sElling you to the zOO—

[definitelyincorrect]

Clint, at a coffee shop: Can I get a large vanilla latte with um, seven espresso shots?

Natasha, behind him: JESUS CHRIST, just do cocaine!