#incorrect stony

[joetavis]

2012 Avengers Tower AU:

Tony and Steve just got into a heated argument about who is the most American (both insist that it's definitely not them):

Tony: 4th of July.

Steve: Actually, the Army made that up.

Tony: You are called Captain AMERICA.

Steve: And yet I'm not even fully American. I'm also Irish.

Tony: I am actually- like actually, a quarter Italian and at least I know the language.

Steve: You are a genius, You knowing something doesn't make you less American.

Tony: Actually, the American education system begs to differ.

______

Steve: Your favourite food is Cheeseburgers.

Tony: YOUR favourite food is Cheeseburgers!

Steve: True. Lunch?

Tony: Sure.

*fast food break*

______

Steve: You worked for the American government.

Tony: You were born of the American government.

Steve: Personality wise, though, I'm not American at all.

Tony: Bullshit- You are all freedom, self-righteousness, honour.

Steve: Nothing honourable about America no more.

Tony: You are an American Soldier. Is there anything else that America's better known for than their military?

Steve: You've funded and supplied the military.

Tony: I stopped, you didn't. Also pretty sure you've known more presidents than I did.

Steve: I knew 6 total, you?

Tony. Hm- 8. But I bet you have more of their phone numbers.

Steve: As if you don't have any?

Tony: I delete their numbers immediately after they give them too me.

Steve: Huh, me too actually.

Tony: Anyway, You're blond with blue eyes.

Steve: Which is more of an Irish trait.

Tony: It's really not.

Steve: And you are rich, hence you achieved the American dream.

Tony: Also bullshit! The American Dream is from rags to riches, and I was always rich, so no Dream came true over here, baby! You on the other hand, didn't you grow up poor?

Steve: Yes, but I'm not rich.

Tony: You live in a penthouse.

Steve: Your penthouse!

Tony: I do feel like marrying rich is part of the American Dream and hence- you achieved it buddy.

Steve: We aren't married.

Tony: Ah, details.

______

Tony: You're still more American than me- You are all: Freedom, Freedom, Freedom.

Steve: And you aren't? Financial Freedom, Sexual Freedom, you are very free spirit.

Tony: Oh, I could teach you the ways of sexual freedom, too, darling ;)

Steve: See, you're shameless, American.

Tony: Oh, I'll show you how shameless I am-

*sex break*

______

Tony: The public loves you. You are literally Americas Sweetheart.

Steve: What? If anyone you are America's Sweetheart. Everyone knows Tony Stark, you are in the press all the time?

Tony: And they don't know Cap? There are like 10 movies about you.

Steve: Cap is just an alias, Steve Rogers is just a boy from Brooklyn.

Tony: My point! Brooklyn.

Steve: What Point? Malibu. AND New York!

______

Tony: Nah- You're definitely more American! You're colours are red white and blue. Which by the way- pretty self obsessed. And is there something more American than being obsessed with yourself?

Steve: ...

Tony: Ok. I see how that might have lost me the argument. I still think you're more American though.

*They turn to the other avengers in the room*

Steve: Only one way to settle this: Nat? Who of us is more American?

Nat: The fact that you are even arguing about this makes both of you way too American for me to deal with this. But since I'm russian, I will say the one of you that annoys me more is American, sorry Tony.

Tony: This is ludicrous. Captain America?

Nat: Well you are obsessed with Captain America, nothing more American than that.

Clint: He has a crush on him, too.

Steve: See? I win.

Tony: huh? So you are saying that I'm the most American because I like a very American thing?

The Avengers: Yes!

Tony smiles: Well, then. Since Steve likes me, and I'm the most American thing in the world, I guess that makes him the most American. Case closed. I win.

Steve: Doesn't work like that. We could turn that argument for ever.

Tony: And I will, I'm petty like that, I'll wear you out, Rogers.

Steve: My stamina is endless and so is my will to be right.

Nat: I changed my mind, that was obnoxiously American, Steve wins.

Tony: Ha! See? I'm the best.

Bruce: Arrogance is also pretty American. I vote for Tony.

Clint: Captain America got my vote- hello?

Nat: Technically i'm not American, so not allowed to vote.

Tony: You're lame, I could have won, Nat.

Steve: Well, that settles it. I am way too American, if I'm almost lost to you.

______

Tony: Hm. You know, now that we talked about voting- I may be more American, but if we both ever run for president, you'd definitely win.

Steve: That's crazy. You would definitely win! I couldn't even pay for the campaign.

Tony: Well, actually-

*Camera zooms out on the rest of the Avengers slowly leaving the room, shaking their heads in exasperation*

[ironshieldchild]

a little something i made lmao

[hurtspideyparker]

stevetony divorce but it isn't a huge devastating betrayal so they have to keep being awkward coworkers who are always arguing afterwards

Steve: Can you please listen for once

Tony: Oh I don't know, can you be honest for once

Steve: We've been over this, that was a personal error. It won't impact my professional judgement so we—

Tony: La la la la liar liar pants on fire

Steve: Oh real mature. This is why things didn't work out, you can't communicate to save your life. Get your fingers out of your ears

Tony: Oh here comes the orders again, can't go one day without telling me what to do

Steve: I swear to god I'm going to come over there if you don't mature in the next five seconds

Tony: *sticks his tongue out*

Steve: THAT'S IT

*Steve chasing Tony around meeting room table*

Clint: Wow. This is way worse now that it isn't foreplay

Natasha: Maybe they can beat the tension out of each other instead

[definitelyincorrect]

Steve: Tony, can I speak to you for a minute? In private.

Tony: Ooh, someone’s in trouble. It’s me. I don’t know why I did that.

[incorrectmcuquotess]

Bucky, to Tony: Those pants are great. And I bet they’d look even better on Steve’s floor. Steve: Are you hitting on Tony... for me?

Bucky: Well you weren’t doing anything about it, punk.

[fishsouper]

in the honor of my marvel obsession creeping back to me + my family being in disneyland and exploring avengers campus, have some ✨avengers incorrect quotes✨ as things my friends and family have said

a shit ton of these were conversations between @cissyenthusiast010155 and i lmao

-

peter: indulge in my child-like whimsy. buy me a web slinger

-

steve: is that an igloo over there??

peter: …it’s a hippie house?

tony: did you hear about the hippie states wife?

steve: why on earth is there a hippie house in the cars theme park?!

tony: babe. did you hear about the hippie states wi-

peter: what’s the hippie state?

tony: the hippie states wife is mississippi!

steve: what on earth are you talking abou-

tony: like,,, mrs. hippie?? mississippi?

steve: …

peter: …

tony: …

tony: i thought it was funny

-

tony: “i can do this all day”? that’s what she said

steve: SHHHHHH!!!

natasha: ooh, you’ve finally been shushed

-

loki: a kid ran in front of me and my reaction was “broken child!”

steve: wHAT?!

loki: i didn’t say it out loud!!!

-

scott: please sir, you don’t understand, if i don’t get my 20 dollar sunglasses back, my children will die

-

peggy: i support neil patrick harris being gay

natasha: peg, you’re a lesbian

peggy: yes, but i am an ally to his gayness

natasha: you are gay

-

peter: they should let me stay up late. because. if they don’t it would be…

ned: transphobic?

peter: YES

-

bucky: i smelled grass! and now i want some!

steve: you want to eat grass?!

bucky: absolutely

-

peter: and they were LAB PARTNERS

harley: oh my gawd they were lab partners

-

tony: i want shawarma

steve: i want to go to sleep

tony: it’s only 4 pm

steve: and?

-

steve: oh, this boba pearl is stuck in the ice…

bucky: just like captain america!

tony: aaaah, good one

-

mj: “what kind of girl do you want” a red one

peter: …

peter: are we talking about cars????

-

thor: i don’t understand the scientific physics

bruce: the what

-

peter: please bring back the cheese man

tony: that could really mean any of us

-

*at their first meet up in a while*

natasha: yknow, i’m just now being reminded of the fact that i hate half the people here

-

bucky: i hate will ferrell

sam: how can anyone hate will ferrell?!

bucky: well, i liked him in barbie

sam: and he was funny in the lego movie!

bucky: true, he was awesome in that

sam: oh, he was also megamind!

bucky: yes! i loved him with that

sam: you don’t actually hate will ferrell, do you?

bucky: …

sam: you just hate elf

bucky: …i just hate elf

-

steve: “rogers: the musical” can only be described as feeling like bad fanfiction

tony: isn’t it amazing

-

*playing heads up, prompt “avengers: civil war”*

peter: when! when the divorce!

scott: ant man’s first fight!

natasha: when everyone decided they didn’t like each other anymore!

-

harley: oh, c3p0 and r2d2 are a gay couple!

peter: duh??? did you just realize that???

[skylarinfinity]

male reader : [telling random bartender about his love life] i fall in love with mustache guy, the guy he attached to isn't my favourite... but i willing to take one for the team!

steve : [sighed] male reader, you know me and tony can hear you right?

tony : [laughing] to be honest, i am myself not interesting at the guys i attached to...

tags lists @sonicqaulan @graysonfriggason @thebettermaximofftwins @sloanalistair @acienthazard @starlinggoldeneyes @ortegaolsen @wednesdaywanda @sandwichmarvel @gardenofmarvel @wanda-cabin-natasha-jacket @panandinpain0 @badblondebisexualboy

[rjjameshiii]

Fury: Why is Captain Rogers lying facedown on the floor? Steve, indeed facedown on the floor: ... Natasha: Tony gave him a genuine smile. Steve, weakly: I need a moment... Fury: Ah, I see. Carry on then.

[joetavis]

Steve: Until death will do us apart <3

Tony: Funny how you think you'll get rid of me that easily-

by @shajiang144584

[joetavis]

Stony, but Tony's Identity is still a secret, so Steve is best friends with Iron man, but doesn't know Tony that well.

Steve and Tony (in armour) chilling in the living room.

Steve: Iron Man, do you think Mr. Stark is cute?

Tony: Do I think what now?

Steve: Well, about Tony, your boss. I think he's cute. I might even have a crush on the guy. Do you think he'd be into me?

Tony: Interesting. Very interesting.

Steve: I know it's embarrassing, but he's your boss, so do you think he'd like me.

Tony: stares Steve's lips, blue eyes, broad shoulders.

Tony: You know what- I think he might.

[ironshieldchild]

you guys asked for more of these

[sass-on-mass]

Tony: FUCK!

Steve: [rushes in] Tony, what's wrong? Are you OK? Are you hurt?

Tony: What? Oh, yeah, I'm fine I was just screaming at life in general.

[hurtspideyparker]

there was only one bed at Clint's farmhouse:

Tony: Rogers I swear to god if you keep touching me—

Steve: It's a small bed Tony, and I'm a large man. What do you want me to do

Tony: I don't know, maybe not cradle me to your chest like a teddy bear

Steve: I don't really see an alternative. Did you want to be the big spoon?

[definitelyincorrect]

Tony: You are the love of my life. I would do absolutely anything for you.

Steve: I want you to eat three meals a day, have a decent sleep schedule, reduce your coffee intake, and love and appreciate yourself.

Tony: Absolutely not.

[incorrectmcuquotess]

Fury: Captain Rogers. My office.

Tony, to Steve: Uh oh. He probably wants to talk to you about how your shirts aren't tight enough. Probably.

[jarvispoptart]

Tony Stark: *speaking Italian*

Steve Rogers: I know, I know.

Clint Barton: You speak Italian?

Steve Rogers: No. I just know the phrase, 'this is all your fault' in every language Tony speaks.