#incorrect mama spider

[mamaspidershit]

Peter: And then I accidentally called her "mom!" Yelena, holding back laughter: Oh no. *In another room* Natasha, in tears: And then he called me "mom!" Clint: Are you crying out of happiness or disgust? Natasha: YES.

[esmerxyaugusta]

peter: HELP ME, I HAVE A PROBLEM!!

nat: i need to hide a body problem? or i like someone problem?

peter: no.... maths problem

nat: oh, nevermind then.....

[randomstuffjustrandom]

Lightly

Tony: You were mugged?!

Natasha: Why would you not tell us?!

Y/n: *nonchalant* Because he was injured…

Peter: I was not injured… Just lightly stabbed

Tony and Natasha: *freaking out*StAbBeD??!!

Peter: LIGHTLY

[mamaspidershit]

Natasha: I think that I might have some mild trauma. Clint: you THINK?!? Maria: MIGHT have?!? Peter: MILD?!?!?

[mamaspidershit]

Peter, shivering: How are you not cold? How are you NEVER cold?! Natasha: I've got this thing, like a superpower. Hill, what did you say it was? Maria: Catastrophic nerve damage. Natasha: Yeah, that.

[mamaspidershit]

Natasha: So oxygen went on a date with potassium, it went… OK. Peter: I thought oxygen was dating magnesium, OMG. Natasha: Actually oxygen first asked nitrogen out, but nitrogen was all like NO. Tony: I thought oxygen had that double bond with the hydrogen twins. Clint: Looks like someone's a HO. Peter: NaBrO. Maria: I'm done with all of you.

[mamaspidershit]

Peter: You think Clint and I—both over fifteen years of age—are immature? Natasha: Yes, exactly. Peter: Clint, what do you think? Clint: Well, first of all, Natasha doesn’t get to play in our fort with that kind of attitude.

[mamaspidershit]

Natasha, knocking on the door to Peter's room: Peter, open up. Peter, from the other side: Why? Natasha: We need to talk. Peter: How many of you are there? Natasha: Uh… Maria: Two. Peter: Talk to each other.

[mamaspidershit]

Peter: Ms. Romanoff what are you doing? Natasha: Wrapping Barton’s desk in Saran Wrap. Peter: Uh why? Natasha: He stole my one of my knives. Peter: Couldn’t you have just taken it back? Natasha: I couldn’t find it so I removed all sharp objects from the office so he has to either unwrap it by hand or use my knife. He’s a dumbass so he’ll use my knife which is when I will steal it back and he is left to unwrap it by hand as punishment for stealing my knife in the first place. Peter: That is actually genius. Natasha: Yes. It is.

[mamaspidershit]

Natasha: Why are you squeezing me with your body? Peter: It’s a hug, Ms. Nat. I’m hugging you.

[mamaspidershit]

Judge: Does the defendant have any special requests? Peter: Death penalty. Natasha, from the gallery: Peter, it’s just a parking ticket. Peter, whispering into the mic: Please kill me.

[mamaspidershit]

Natasha: despite contrary belief, I don't condone violence. I'm actually a very c- Clint: COME HELP!!! PETER IS GETTING BEAT UP!! Natasha, loading her gun: *sigh*

[mamaspidershit]

Peter: Pleasing everyone is impossible— Natasha: but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell.

[mamaspidershit]

Natasha: Hold up. So you’re Peter's girlfriend? MJ: I am. Peter: She is. Natasha: Interesting. Why?

[mamaspidershit]

Peter, dashing into the room: WHY AREN’T THE DISHES IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER?! Natasha: …What does that even mean?!

[mamaspidershit]

Natasha: ARE YOU- Peter: Fucking. Natasha: KIDDING ME?! YOU- Peter: Fucking. Natasha: IDIOT! Clint: …What was that? Peter: Maria banned Natasha from swearing, so I’m helping her out.