#incorrect wanda maximoff

[auroraromaximoff]

Nat: You know Archaic Latin ?

Y/n: I got bored with classical Latin.

Wanda: You know normal Latin?

Y/n: Yeah, someone from my sewing class taught me.

Nat/Wanda: YOU TEACH A SEWING CLASS?!

Y/n: You two don’t know everything about me

[floilee]

Widows and their blackmail

[incorrect-wandanat]

Wanda: Now they come for my woman? My sweet, defenseless little woman?!

Nat: I’m the Black Widow.

[satanic-nightjar]

Wanda, texting Agatha: [sends a voice message]

Agatha, texting back: I’m a little busy, is it urgent?

Wanda: No, don’t worry, just listen later :)

[Later]

Agatha: [presses play]

Wanda’s voice message: THERE’S A FIRE-

[delulu-with-wandanat]

Cop Au—

Yelena: You see the dude I brought in today? The drug dealer? 81 years old. I think it’s the oldest collar of my entire career.

Wanda: Ooooh, I once arrested a 96 year old, for flashing!

Natasha: My oldest collar was 78, but the pcp made her fight like she was 20.

Y/n: What about two 50 year old twins, does that count as a 100 year old?

Everyone: Nope.

Pietro: You guys talking oldest bag? 68 *he proudly said*

Wanda: That’s not that old?

Pietro: Yea but I was only 20.

Yelena: 20? Were you even a cop then?

Pietro: No man, it was before I got into the academy.

Everyone, visible confusion:

Natasha, smirking: Pietro isn’t talking about his oldest arrest.

Everyone, realizes: EWWWWWW

Pietro: No! NO! Yes, I am. Oldest arrest-

[skylarinfinity]

male reader : [standing in front of wanda] wanda you have attachment issues, please fix it.

wanda : [looking at male reader with confused but also hurt expression] what?

male reader : [putting files in front of wanda] your files have some attachments error, please fix it.

wanda : [blushing] oh- ok i will fix it...

[male reader nod and walk away]

clint : [snorting] you really thought he calling you out huh?

wanda : [pouting] shut up!

tags lists @sonicqaulan @graysonfriggason @thebettermaximofftwins @sloanalistair @acienthazard @starlinggoldeneyes @ortegaolsen @wednesdaywanda @sandwichmarvel @gardenofmarvel @wanda-cabin-natasha-jacket @panandinpain0 @badblondebisexualboy @loving-wanda-in-every-universe

[ladylokilaufeyson5]

Y/N: Pietro and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us

Wanda: *Sighing* What did Pietro do?

Y/N: He chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...

Pietro: Who wants a steering wheel?

[jjsmaybank20]

Wanda: Y/N kissed me!

Natasha: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

Wanda: It was unbelievable!

Natasha: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

Thor: Okay, we wanna hear everything. Natasha, get the wine and turn off your phone. Wanda, does this end well or do we need tissues?

Wanda: Oh, it ended very well.

Natasha: Do not start without me! Do not start without me!

Thor: Okay, alright, let’s hear about the kiss. Was it a soft brush against your lips or was it like a, you know, “I gotta have you now” kind of thing?

Wanda: Well, at first it was really intense, you know? And then, oh God, and then we just sort of sunk into it.

Thor: Ohh... So, okay, was she holding you? Or were her hands on your back?

Wanda: First they started out on my waist and then they slid up and then they were in my hair.

Natasha and Thor: Ohhh.

*meanwhile*

Y/N, eating pizza in her room: And, uh, and then I kissed her.

Tony: Tongue?

Y/N: Yeah.

Clint: Cool.

[marvel-lous-guy]

Wanda: Shut up you twink!

Peter: Not every guy who doesn't wanna fuck you is gay y'know

Wanda: Have you seen me!? Of course they are!

[brutashasblog]

(Wanda being Bruce’s therapist)

Wanda: I think you are getting better, Bruce.

Bruce: I don’t feel like it.

Wanda: Want me to get Nat.

Bruce: I feel better now.

[auroraromaximoff]

Y/n: *Walks into living room* We need to slow down on the Russian lessons and go over Spanish, my babies are forgetting everything !

Billy/Tommy: No we aren't!

Wanda: What? That can't be true..

Nat: I'm sure they're fine..

Y/n: I asked them to turn off their games last night, and they turned off the lights.

Tommy: Lo siento Mami estoy embarazada..

America: Congratulations! You're glowing!

Wanda: What did he say?

Y/n: He just told me he's pregnant

Nat: Maybe they do need to practice more..

America: haha! Mami te va a matar!

[floilee]

Kate is well oriented

[incorrect-wandanat]

Wanda: Aw man, someone took the last soda.

Nat: What flavor?

Wanda: Oran—

Nat: *pulls out a 12-pack of orange soda*

Wanda: What the hell

Nat: I have a secret stash because they’re your favorite.

Wanda: Okay but you literally just pulled that out of nowhere.

Nat: …because I love you.

Wanda: but wHERE DID THEY COME FROM?

[satanic-nightjar]

Wanda: So, I’m thinking a spring, maybe fall wedding. I don’t want it to be too hot, though.

Agatha: Wanda, we’re not even engaged.

Wanda, slamming her head on the table: SO THAT’S WHAT I FORGOT TO DO LAST NIGHT!

[upon-a-starry-night]

Wanda: *approaches Y/n*

Wanda: Y/n... I have to tell you something. I’ve liked you for quite a while and I’d like to take you out on a date

*whole team watching in anticipation*

*Y/n looking around confusedly before taking out airpods*

Y/n: Sorry Wanda, did you say something? 

Wanda:...No * walks away flustered*

Bonus-

*Clint handing Nat 10 dollars*

Nat: Y/n’s just too oblivious for their own good

[skylarinfinity]

[avengers having their monthly meeting]

steve : we always open for new ideas-

male reader : we should make a merch-

bruce : [shaking his head] we a team of heroes, not a team of celebrities.

male reader : no hear me out first, we make a merch that actually help people's!

steve : [interesting with male reader ideas] what your first example?

male reader : [point at pietro and wanda] we put their face on sanitary pads products than call it maximoff maxipads and the tagline is “for when you didn't see it coming”.

tony : [laughing his arse off] oh god i love this idea!

wanda and pietro : what the fuc-

tags lists @sonicqaulan @graysonfriggason @thebettermaximofftwins @sloanalistair @acienthazard @starlinggoldeneyes @ortegaolsen @wednesdaywanda @sandwichmarvel @gardenofmarvel @wanda-cabin-natasha-jacket @panandinpain0 @badblondebisexualboy