rusomnia

[rusomnia]

Damian: alfred, are you seeing this? he's ignoring me.

Tim: you tried to put me up for adoption.

Damian: [sigh] i didn't fill out the paperwork

[rusomnia]

Red Robin (2009) #25

This is actually the reason you two are siblings WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

[rusomnia]

going through old quotes and some of these i just can't make fit contextually but are still fucking hilarious and im tempted to share them anyway

[rusomnia]

dick, at tim: maybe don't pass out

jason: maybe do

[rusomnia]

jason: losing my mind over this stupid ass essay

stephanie, probably: did you check under the sofa

[rusomnia]

fandom stop sleeping on her challenge #impossible

shes the jokers daughter. her first instinct in a life or death situation is to protect her brother. shes definitely autistic. everyone thinks shell be the next joker. shes a child prodigy. she runs away twice within two weeks. she technically brings her father back from the dead. shes probably some kind of gay. we have never seen her with her shoelaces tied

i know theres a subset of tim drake fans that would love her

[rusomnia]

stephanie: if there was a degree in being unhinged you'd have a masters

tim: taking that as a compliment

[rusomnia]

just saying jason todd probably wrote batman fanfic as both a form of therapy and karma

my evidence:

- he's a lit nerd. every lit nerd has written fanfiction at somepoint. if you're a lit nerd and you haven't, you're a liar or you will be writing fanfiction soon. be ready.

- you're a liar if you think the batfam didn't have a giant fandom in gotham city (and other cities that had batman shipped with their hero (metropolis im looking at you))

- he'd get to tear the shit out of batman with well thought out arguments against stuff without actually having to try and make bruce listen

- the authors notes.

- 'sorry i haven't updated in two years, i got blown up resurrected and turned into an assassin by my step-mum. here's some fluff as an apology'

- i feel like i could go on for a while but I'll leave it there

[rusomnia]

tim, muttering to himself: i doubt they'll be girlypop with a broken nose

dick: *concerned older brother noises*

[rusomnia]

someone: you think youre so scary

tim: no actually im asbop.

someone: what

tim: assigned scary by other people

[rusomnia]

jason: everytime you smile i get nervous

tim: good.

[rusomnia]

Tim: okay but what if i were evil

Jason: then not many people would be left

[rusomnia]

jason, texting tim: eta?

tim, outside the window: now.

[rusomnia]

dick, hearing a LOT of barking: is titus having a playdate or something

damian: he's in a business meeting I'll have you know

[rusomnia]

posts blowing up is such a scary thing

[rusomnia]

somewhere in my heart i know this exchange has taken place while batman is busting a weapon dealers warehouse

rogues, buying discounted explosives: uhhh

batman, who was expecting jason: Red Robin.

red robin, clearly also there as a customer, entirely unabashed: this is where i get my groceries B

red robin: ooh 45% off the mini land mines if purchased with any 2 weapons containing a hidden retractable blade!

one of the rogues already tied up in the back: oh get that one now, the deals marked purple are limited time, i’ve made that mistake before

red robin: thanks greg i’ll remember that

batman, internally: i’m worried about the wrong child

[rusomnia]

Tim gets his hands on Jason’s helmet and hacks the voice modulator to sound like Hatsune Miku.

Feared crime boss Red Hood uses it anyway.