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bcksbarnes · 22 days ago

Text

silver lining

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

summary: for someone who was once frozen in time, bucky barnes never had to worry about aging, until he finds his first gray hair.

word count: 2.3K

mornings spent wrapped in bucky’s arms were your favorite ways to start your weekends, especially after such a long week. you were barely awake yet but you could feel the way he held you close his chest, both of your bodies intertwined as the two of you slept.

work was kicking your ass, not physically, but with the way your to-do list piled up.

work was kicking bucky’s ass, but actually physically.

he had been away for the week, only getting home late last night as you were finishing up dinner. he loved his job, loved getting to help people and save the world, but coming home to the apartment the two of you shared was the most rewarding part of it all. it was as if he could fully unwind and forget about the cruelty that seeped into this world; bucky had his fair share of contributing to that many years ago, but now he was doing his best to pay back all he had done.

and now, as you stirred softly from your sleep, all you could think about was how excited you were to be with him on this glorious saturday morning. the sun was shining in from the tops of your blinds, the bedroom you shared still mostly filled with darkness - per bucky’s request to get black out curtains, it helped him sleep better. a groan leaves his lips as soon as he feels you stir, his hand on your back pulling you in closer.

“morning.” you whisper, your eyes opening, blinking away the blurriness.

“morning.” he mumbles back, but it’s almost incoherent as he sucks in a deep breath and starts to move. “i was very peaceful, you know.”

“i’m so sorry.” you say to him, a smile on your face as your hand moves up his chest and to the side of his neck, pulling him in for a quick kiss. he hums against your lips as he runs his fingers up and down your spine, your shirt riding up as he does so.

“apology accepted,” he mutters softly, causing both of you to break into a smile. bucky finally opens his eyes; those baby blues that you had fallen in love with had always managed to make your heart flutter, and this time was no exception. it didn’t matter how long the two of you were together (3 years, but who’s counting), there was always a spark that hit the both of you whenever your gazes connected, it was exhilarating.

without even thinking about it, you bring your hand up to his face, cupping his cheek softly as your thumb rubbed against his coarse skin, his early morning stubble was one of your favorite things about waking up with him.

the two of you finally pull back, only far enough so that you can see each other's faces. you weren’t exactly sure how you landed such a wonderful man in your life, for all the bad things that bucky had seen about himself, they were just overshadowed by how truly incredible he was. a man who saw himself as cold, guarded and unemotional, was deep down really just the kindest, most gentle and well rounded person you had ever met. you were so very lucky.

“what’s the plan for today?” he asks, clearing his throat a bit to get out the morning vocal fry he usually had.

“i was thinking maybe we can go grab breakfast at that new diner we’ve been wanting to try?” you ask and can hear him hum in response, the best way to bucky’s heart was definitely through his stomach. after years on the run and in control by someone else, good food was always a comfort he could appreciate.

“and then afterwards we can head to the store? i need to pick up a few things for the week.” youwere already dreading thinking about the next week of work, but that was just life, mundane and full of running errands and doing chores. though when the two of you did it together, it never really felt so bad.

bucky sighs as he rolls onto his back, looking up at the ceiling as he uses his hand that’s not resting on your back to run down his face, getting out one last yawn before he had to get up for the day. you knew the days after missions were tough for him, a mix of needing to catch up on sleep and wanting to make the most of your time together, he always opted for the latter. he’ll sleep when he’s dead.

his hand lightly taps your back signaling the two of you to move and start getting out of bed. both of you stretched your limbs, stealing one more quick kiss before going your separate ways; bucky on his way to take a shower while you move to the kitchen to get the coffee pot going, if it was one thing about you and bucky, it’s that you both needed at least two cups before you could get your day going.

while he’s in the shower you keep yourself busy; folding blankets the two of you left out in the living room, picking up shoes from the hallway, putting dishes in the dishwasher and getting dressed so that all you had to do was wash your face and brush your teeth when he got out - all the same mundane things every couples did.

it’s about twenty minutes later when you start to get concerned, the shower is still running but bucky doesn’t usually take that long, he’s more of a man that showers because he hated the idea of being dirty rather than a man looking to relax. when you step closer to the door you press your ear against it, hoping to hear at least some sign of movement, when you don’t your stomach drops.

“buck?” you call out, your fist knocking on the wood door. “are you okay in there?”

suddenly it feels like time had slowed down and all you can think of were the bad things that could have happened. you didn’t hear him collapse - bucky was a big man, you would have heard that - and you didn’t hear him yell in pain or anything, but the thought doesn’t leave your mind as you start rapidly knocking again.

your hand reaches for the doorknob but before you can even grasp it you hear the water from the shower shut and footsteps approaching the door. taking a step back to give him some space, you watch as the door slowly opens and bucky stands in front of you. he’s standing in his boxers, it looks like hadn’t made it into the shower yet, and there’s a look on his face that’s hard to read. the steam from the room is slowly entering the hallway as he meets your gaze, his hair is all messed up. as quickly as relief filled your body that he was okay, the look on his face made your concern return.

“are you okay?” you ask, reaching your hand out to him. “i got worried.”

“sorry,” he mumbles. he’s suddenly feeling very shy, not wanting to have worried you. sometimes bucky can tend to revert back to those days of keeping everything inside, not wanting to share his emotions or feelings. it feels like a complete turn around from this morning and the way the two of you were wrapped up in each other.

in the beginning of your relationship it was hard to coax these talks out of him, bucky would shut down and shut himself out. with time, patience and trust you two were able to get to a place where this didn’t happen very often, but sometimes it still did and it always blindsided you. you tried to never show it on your features, you knew that if he had any inkling that this was surprising that he’d shut down even more. open, patient and receptive is what you had to be and this time was no different.

“no, no, don’t apologize.” your voice is soft as you take a step closer, your hand resting on his shoulder. “i just wanted to make sure you were okay. i didn’t want to have to break the door down.”

this gets him to smile, well not really a smile but the edge of his mouth curls up a bit.

“yeah, like you’re capable of that.”

there's no malice in his joke, but there is an air of nervousness from him as if he’s contemplating what he wants to say, your thumb is drawing small comforting circles on his skin as you wait to see if you need to push him to talk or give him some space. you see him open his mouth to speak, your eyes watching his every move.

“i found …” he mumbles the last words so you don’t quite catch them.

“sorry, what?”

“i found …” he says it again, this time even more mumbled than the last.

“buck, babe, i can’t hear what you’re saying.”

a sigh leaves his lips as he closes his eyes, he’s struggling with saying this out loud for some reason. it’s not that big of a deal, it happened to everyone, but bucky never thought he’d see the day it’d happened to him.

“i found a gray hair.” his voice is still sort of muttered, but you can finally hear him.

the words hit you square in the chest and your emotions are immediately conflicted. you are so happy that bucky has lived to see the day that he has gotten to age properly, that he’s been able to live a new life that is so fulfilled and full of love. but, you know the flip side of this coin, which is that bucky is a person from another time and that this process should have started decades ago for him.

“oh, buck,” a whisper comes from your lips as you take another step closer to him, the steam from the bathroom still flooding the hallway.

“i’m just having … a moment.” he explains softly, his hand moving to the small of your back as he pulls you in, needing the close proximity for comfort. “i never thought this would happen, you know? it’s hard to imagine myself getting …” he takes a deep breath before continuing, “older. i guess.”

you listen intently as you know it’s the right thing to do, all bucky ever asked for was for someone to take his feelings seriously and you always tried your best to do so.

“and? how do you feel about it?”

“good, bad, a mix of both.” he says honestly as his hand slips under your shirt, the warm flesh rubbing against your skin as if to ground himself. “it’s nice that it’s finally happening, that my life is moving forward, but it should have happened a long time ago.”

“i know.” you whisper softly.

you move both of your arms to wrap around his neck, keeping him close to you. his shoulders relax and you can feel the tension leaving his body almost immediately. bucky was an adult man, there was no doubt about it, but moments like these gave you an inside look as to what he would have been like all those decades ago - a boyish look in his eyes in the moments he felt really small.

when he opens his eyes again to look at you his thoughts are racing. he wished he never went through what he did, of course he did, but in some sick twist of fate if his life had never worked out the way it actually did he would never have met you. bucky, for all its worth, thinks that alone is worth the years of his life missed.

he’s smiling at you now and you can see the sparkle in his eyes return again as you both stand there for a beat. in these moments he’s happy he gave his heart up to someone all good and all kind.

“do you see it?” he brings his metal hand up to his hair, grabbing a few strands from the front of his head and flattening them so you can get a better look. “see? right there.”

there’s still a massive amount of dark hair, but between the strands you see it - the one gray hair that stands out from the rest. it really is only one.

“i see it. you want me to rip it out?” you offer.

“no.” he says quickly, his hand on your back playfully smacking your behind as he smirks at you. “that’s actually why i haven’t taken a shower yet. i’ve been contemplating for the last 20 minutes if i should rip it out of my head or not. is it a mid-life crisis if you’re over 100?”

you can’t help but laugh softly at his joke, bringing one of your hands up to fix his hair; you can tell he was definitely digging to see if there were more.

“oh definitely not, you’re way past mid-life crisis. maybe more like a geriatric spiral instead?” you feel him smack your behind again and both of you start laughing softly, the bucky you knew and loved slowly returning to you. “now you and your gray hair better shower quickly because i’m hungry. if we end up getting to the diner and there’s a line i won’t be very happy.”

“oh well, we can’t have that happening, now can we?”

bucky presses a sweet kiss to your forehead before he pulls away from your embrace, giving you one last look over before he closes the bathroom door to shower. he turns towards the sink once the door is closed, his hands on either side of the counter as he gives himself one last look over in the mirror, the gray hair standing out from the rest. he meets his own eyes and gives himself a nod. everything would be okay.

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