#psychologically healthy

[murk888]

Aro 👉👈

I DIDN'T HAVE MY TWILIGHT STAGE IN TIME, OKAY?!? Now I watch the films while dying from laughter most of the time, their faces I can't-

MICHAEL SHEEN >>>>> 🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐

[spoonie-support]

[theambitiouswoman]

How Childhood Trauma Can Show Up In Adulthood

Childhood trauma can have a deep and lasting impact on your development, some scenarios we would not even consider to be " trauma" but it comes down to how you as a child perceived the situation. To add to that, you could have had a great childhood factually, or by your understanding, because it is all you knew. I’ll give you an example, do you find yourself putting everyone else before you? Maybe when you were little you had an experience with a parent where they put someone else before you in a situation that was significant to you at the time, and that feeling got registered in your subconscious. Maybe you got rewarded for the experience or reprimanded. It could have been very harmless. You may not even remember unless you start to think about it. None the less the root of a lot of our triggers, habits and insecurities boil down to our childhood experiences, that stay buried in our subconscious and often manifesting in various ways during adulthood.

You have a have a hard time controlling your feelings. You might get super angry or not feel anything at all.

You are scared to fail.

You blame yourself for your mistakes and bad choices from your past and have a hard time forgiving yourself.

You worry about what other people think about you or in general and may feel scared a lot.

You are too clingy or too distant and cant find a balance.

You don't trust yourself to make decisions and need constant validation or someone else to make decisions for you.

You feel really sad and down most of the time.

You suffer from negative self talk, are very hard on yourself and really believe those things to be true.

You constantly criticize others.

You need external validation to feel accepted.

You are always anxious.

You are hypersensitive to criticism.

You are terrified of change.

You find it hard to take compliments and truly believe you are not worthy.

You find it hard to keep good relationships because you're scared of getting hurt and feel like you cant get close to others.

You try to be perfect and want to do everything perfectly because you think it will help avoid bad things from happening.

You might eat too much or too little because you are feeling bad or want to control things.

You can't stop thinking about bad stuff that happened before and might have nightmares or feel like they're living it again.

You may feel like they're not really in their body or like things around them aren't real because of what happened in the past.

You avoid things because they remind you of bad stuff that happened.

Sometimes people stay away from things that remind them of bad stuff that happened.

You might have more health problems like headaches or stomachaches.

You do things that hurt you or others, and you don't even realize it because you learned it from when you were young.

You might work extra hard to be successful because you want others to like you or because you don't feel good about yourself.

You rather be alone because you feel embarrassed or worried about what others think.

You try really hard to control everything in your life.

You water yourself down and put everyone else before you.

[geneticdriftwood]

on dick grayson & roy harper & marriage

I mostly stand by what I said here on the dickroy marriage poll (in short: lmao, they’d barely even admit they’re in a relationship) BUT after more thought I believe there actually is a world where they’d get married ‘for love’?

now, imo roy would never be the one to propose. marriage just isn’t that meaningful to him; it’s not something he really cares about. (and even if it was, proposing would feel like an ultimatum he doesn’t want to set. when everyone always leaves you, you learn to be careful not to ask for too much.)

and while I DO believe marriage means something symbolically important to dick, it’s a pretty fraught topic for him, given past experiences! so I think dick would resist putting labels on his relationship with roy, because acknowledging that there’s a romantic element to the way they love each other opens their relationship up to failing the way dick's past romantic relationships have failed.

but if they’d been in a stable relationship for a while, and dick had worked through some of his issues? well. so much of their relationship has been defined by leaving and being left, by other things getting in the way. so if they finally worked it out, I could see dick proposing as a promise to roy that he’s committed to roy and the life they’re building together. that he’s sticking around. that their relationship (that roy) is worth prioritizing!

and marriage might not mean much to roy, but he knows that dick takes it seriously. he knows that if dick is offering ‘till death do us part’ now—after working through his shit enough to be honest with himself—then dick means it. and that would be VERY significant to roy. it wouldn’t change anything about their relationship on the surface! but it would soothe the part of him that’s always bracing for abandonment, and let him believe that this is something he might get to keep.

they still wouldn’t have a wedding tho. they’d get courthouse married on a random afternoon with just them and a witness, and then probably not actually bother to tell anyone* unless asked directly, besides casually referencing it when quipping at each other.

*except donna. she knows because dick talked it through with her before proposing.

[angelpink610]

You guys wanna know when the things I wished for, hoped for, visualized and manifested actually started to appear to me, to become my reality? When I understood and learned how to ENJOY THE PROCESS!

Let’s yap a bit… ;)

Us as immediate people in an immediate society end up focusing entirely on the results, we only see the things we wish for as results, as finish lines. What we fail to do is see the start line and the path that leads to the end.

I don’t want to sound corny, but it’s really all about that Hannah Montana movie song “The Climb”. We only think about how fast we will get there, how life will be when we get there, how happy it will be when we get there. Well, here’s the thing: if you’re not happy and grateful throughout the way, don’t even expect to be happy on the finish line. Our goals are not essentially what make us happy, they’re proofs of our capacity and work. What actually makes someone’s life happy and amazing, is the way that person behaves and conditions their mind WHILE chasing all of these dreams. It’s all about your methods, it’s all about your feelings, your reactions to the world, the way you act towards people. Don’t think you’ll be happy and achieve the greatest things when you live your life and answer to the world bitterly, in a rush, not paying much mind to it.

I know this is obvious, but just so that no one is confused and comes for me after: I’m not saying every day is going to be incredible, I’m not saying that you’re not allowed to be sad, angry, uncomfortable, jealous, disgusted. These are all perfectly normal and human emotions, and everyone should feel them—it just shows you’re alive. This concept of being 24/7 happy and grateful and “Oh my God, everything’s incredible all the time” it’s just not sustainable nor healthy (+, obviously, not real). What we should do, instead, is allow these emotions to be felt, and then act upon them understanding why they’re there and how we can soothe them, or make them a little less strong. For example, understand where your anger comes from, is it truly someone’s fault, why are we feeling it. Not block it, not try to stop it from being felt—but understand it. And then, after thinking (even meditating, if you like) about it, let it go, and let it be felt still, if you think it’s the right thing. Don’t ask too much of yourself always, sometimes we really just need to scream for a second on our pillow or shed a tear in our room. It’s perfectly alright and also healthy!

Have fun, make friends, create good memories with these friends, study, live your life to the fullest. Meet new people, go to new places, discover new music, books, art, movies that make you feel something. Laugh with people you love, create memories through pictures, do some risky things, you don’t need to always be so careful about everything. Some lesions make us stronger. And while you’re doing everything else, manifest your dreams, work towards it, put in the effort, visualize, believe you’re worth and destined for that, acknowledge you already have everything you need to get there and that, actually, you are already there.

Learn to actually live your life on the way to your dreams, not just survive the path. When you look at life with gratitude and love, life looks back—and you’ll feel it.

As always, you’re free to agree or disagree with me on the various topics I talk about. It’s my own experience and the way it’s been for me. Feel free to also share your stories on comments and/or reblogs! I’ll love to see it.

That’s it for today’s yapping session. Love, Seiko ♡

♡ borders credit: @anitalenia

[sinnbaddie]

To say that Kakashi and Gai’s relationship (talking solely platonic rn) was mostly about him helping Kakashi cope with the loss of Obito is disingenuous to Kakashi and all of his relationships.

Any person is going to be traumatized after seeing someone — much less their teammate — be crushed to death under a rock. Kakashi is shown to be someone susceptible to depression due to 1. His environment 2. His initial beliefs and 3. His genetic line. Of course his life is going to be centered around one of the most traumatic experiences of his life, romanticizing it is so hurtful to his character because it destroyed him - and if Kishimoto actually cared about expanding other character relationships instead of making a “generational duo that falls apart” + wasn’t a misogynistic writer, Rin’s death would be the bigger influence on his life than Obito’s.

Yes, Gai had to help him numerous times in his grief but it wasn’t solely or even mainly about Obito. Rin was an absolute vital point in Kakashi’s downfall into chaos. The self harm he inflicted upon himself, the self hatred, the self shame. He became a whole different person after he was forced to kill her. I would say Kakashi’s father Sakumo is by far the biggest influence on him. He wouldn’t have needed any speech of “your father was a hero” by Obito if it wasn’t for Sakumo. His personality of today is thanks to his father’s own death.

Gai and Kakashi’s friendship is almost entirely about them when they’re in scenes together. Look at the chunin exams, look at any scene in the land of steam arc, look at their race, etc. naturally there will be grief the two bring to the relationship and it’s on them to work it out separately, together and with other people which did happen.

You’re actively ignoring every other character that has shaped and formed who Kakashi is by saying Obito is the biggest and only reason he is who he is. Gai is one of the strongest reasons why Kakashi is as motivated and strong as he is. Kakashi would’ve absolutely died at some point in (general) anbu if Gai didn’t pull him out and he was slipping so far when he was in it because of Rin and Minato.

Kakashi’s heart does not “belong” to Obito because he’s in love with Obito and can’t get over him, his heart belongs to the people he loves because that’s who Kakashi is at his core - a lover. He’s a person who cares so deeply, even for people he doesn’t necessarily like or get along with.

Kakashi is a person who is shaped by everybody in his life, that’s why he is one of the best written Naruto characters. He feels like a real person because real people are influenced by everyone in their life, in every way. It’s unfortunate to see those who call themselves Kakashi fans only to mischaracterize, limit and erase the bonds he was written to have to prop up one single bond for your ship.

Do you care for this character? His themes, parallels, relationships and writing? or is he just a placeholder / self insert for shipping content?

[madelee]

How I like to imagine the ZaDr dynamic. How they sift from enemies to something more. And what I fucking love about ZaDr.

Some thoughts.

Zim and Dib, two emotionally neglected kids. Having little to no friends or any emotional support system… They became the primary attachment figures for each other: Based on them being enemies this relationship/development… it’s bound to be very complicated and messy.

There are various emotions mixed up in their dynamic. The initial hatred, frustration, and antagonism because they literally are enemies… but also the feelings of bonding, caring, appreciation, respect, and understanding. Then when getting older, also attraction, passion, and all those fuzzy feelings get mixed in.

But essentially, all the positive emotions that one develops and gets to experience with a close person like love, adoration, connection, tenderness, compassion, or simply joy… all those also get mixed up with the ‘negative’ ones.

The brain quite literally connects feelings of affection and connection with violence, aggression, cruelty, abuse, and brutality. This is trauma bonding, reward-based learning, and positive conditioning.

Them being obsessive and excessive as a fundamental part of their core personality only adds as a multiplier.

When this happens in a critical life phase (being young and in adolescence), having nearly no other positive influences in life and being neglected (emotionally especially), this connection the brain made will get so deeply internalized and won’t ever truly go away.

It could also connect to your sexuality and all that.

(There are real-life equivalencies)

What I’m getting at is, all this makes just so much sense!

This dynamic and their relationship is super complex and nuanced because of this.

Their relationship is incredibly intense and yes totally toxic but also compassionate.

Them fluctuating between high psychological distress/tension (hating, fighting, obsessing, loving, being in denial about your existence, generally trauma responses e.g., through neglect, loneliness, abandonment) and then them experiencing the sweet release through the aspects of their dynamic (connection, closeness, intimacy) as mentioned.

This stuff becomes quite simply addictive to someone.

This is why they can get crazy shit feral/hardcore with each other and also feel pleasure while doing so.

Like cutting each other up (or open), taunting, fighting, beating each other...

But because I’m a sucker for ambivalence and stark contrast, I like to imagine them being very, very cute with each other as well (occasionally even without showing the bad stuff while being cute), still toxic, still abusing and batshit crazy but absolutely meaning everything to each other and deeply caring.

Fluffy but in an obsessive and excessive way.

They will always somewhat be mean to each other and never shy to argue, even if just in a teasing and more lighthearted manner.

This is their love language after all.

This is how they show they care, and it’s what they know.

Also, this is just how they are personality-wise: thick-headed, intense people with strong opinions and even stronger egos.

And let’s not forget about stupidness, dorkyness, and comedy sprinkled in.

ZaDr is a fantastic way to deep dive into complex inner psychological human workings and I love exploring this.

(I love love love intense emotions.)

It’s even comforting in a way, if you ask me.

Hate and love are so close for a reason.

It’s the most intense we can feel.

And I mean, I guess we all (or many of us) can somehow relate to not liking or even hating a close one (even if only sometimes). But when a real deep bond is established with someone and when affection is also part of your connection (even if only sometimes), this stuff just doesn’t go away. Toxic relationships are messy and certainly not easy nor black and white. You just understand this emotion… of how complicated you can feel about someone, and what complexity this can bring with it.

Note that, this is how I like to imagine it. One can have a totally different perspective on it and this is valid as well!

Also this is romanticized, fiction and reality operate differently. Cognitive dissonance baby.

[xenxone]

remember that staying in our comfort zone might not always be good for us. even though change is scary, its always durable. resilience is a choice!

[sleeps-au-bag]

yuu manages to get all of their gaming systems from their world working in twisted wonderland. she connected them all with the help of ortho and now has access to all her games again. he uses this opportunity to introduce his friends to some games and gets them hooked on some.

yuu: really likes the honkai games and sometimes dabbles in genshin when they're interested in what's going on. long time main game pokemon fan (favorites are the sun and moon games). has both ensekai and jpsekai. occasionally plays sky but gets frustrated with the flying mechanic. loved the digital devil saga games when they came out and recently started playing p3r. still waiting to get unbanned from roblox.

ace: fell in love with the persona games, especially the ones under the smt persona ip. the persona 2 duology are her favorites. she has a roblox account but barely uses it. she plays wuthering waves a lot. modded minecraft truther right here. really good at solitaire, unsurprisingly. absolutely adores love nikki and the other games in the franchise.

deuce: he'd probably like games like smash bros and mario kart. also peaceful farming games too, he just seems like the type to like them. yuu introduced him to choose your own adventure games and he's been hooked ever since. they're his favorite type of genre and his favorite has to be telltale games' the walking dead.

riddle: big reverse:1999 fan, is in love with the story and character designs. ace made her play shin megami tensei iii: nocturne and she'll replay it sometimes. also adores love nikki but also adores the style savvy franchise games too. the moment she found ace attorney, it was like finding an oasis in the desert. unexpectedly liked bayonetta and has played all three games.

jack: he doesn't play video games that much, even before yuu introduced him to the ones of their world. he's just not interested in them but he occasionally plays minecraft with ace or sky with yuu.

epel: he won't admit it, but he loves lollipop chainsaw. he'll finish the game and then immediately start replaying it. he also likes farming simulator but lollipop chainsaw takes the cake. he plays the sonic games too but only because of the fandubs. if he gets to a cutscene, he'll sometimes quote the fandubs over the actual dub.

ortho: he's currently gatekeeping every single gacha game from idia while he plays them himself. he doesn't exactly have a favorite game but he definitely likes turn-based strategy games more than other types of games. he plays pokemon masters ex the most often and project sekai is right after it. he modded everyone 3ds'.

sebek: he mostly plays retro games and likes ocarina of time the most. he also likes old strategy games like the first fire emblem game and the first shin megami tensei game. he doesn't play often because of his duties as a personal knight of malleus, but sometimes he'll play pokemon red/blue with yuu. he was dared to play a dating sim one time and vowed to never again play one again.

[cringefailvox]

How do you think Vox and Val would react to someone flirting with Vel?

they're whipping out buckets of popcorn to gleefully watch the ensuing evisceration when she inevitably gets annoyed enough to finally look up from her phone

[thessaralka]

when u realize every mean and nasty thing said about women (women will die alone w 4 cats if she doesn't settle for whatever lame ass broken loser proposes to her first and lower her standards, women fall in love too fast, women open their legs to any Chad that walks in the room and ignore the Good Man Who Just Happens To Be Ugglieee Right Next To Her, women are too emotional, women have shallow friendships women lose value as they age) is false for most women but very true for weak men ur eyes start to open and u become free.

bc only weak men who:

have to settle for whatever women MAYBE picks them bc they ain't shit and their standards are way too high compared to who they actually are as people,

can't control their emotions and fall in love w the first woman that glances at them,

try to have sex with any woman who he finds hot and gets offended when 1. she turns out to be batshit crazy and has major self esteem issues so she was using him as a validation toy or 2. her standards are higher than Him, and then blames her for her desires rather than working on himself to become a man who can match the kind of woman he says he wants (but doesn't want to work for, not realizing that a woman like that REQUIRES at BARE MINIMUM a man who busts his ass for her and dedicates his life to her well being)

have no emotional control because the realm of the emotions is forbidden to them by their pride and they haven't explored the Feminine aspects of their psyches

^ due to fear of losing bro points with equally immature loser bros who sit around trying to impress each other while flexing their muscles and circle jerking about how cool their cybertrucks are or whatever,

are definitely losing value as they age bc they don't work on themselves to become Grown Men and only place value on outer qualities not inner growth,

are spitting this shit about women.

and realizing this is how you raise your standards for men and the kind of men you surround yourself with. because you're not the kind of woman to hang out with crazy immature babymen. so why bother yourself with fools any longer?

[torchstelechos]

In an instance where the party met or had to deal with Mal du pays, I think they could theoretically do damage to it despite the fact that Siffrin could not. Specifically because I think, as Mal du pays is Siffrin's saddness/trauma taken form, that it would allow the party to hurt it. As I think that Siffrin would allow his loved ones to hurt him, as long as they stayed with him for a moment longer.

[tiktok-singularity]

“Emotionally immature people won’t apologize”

here’s why!

[furiousgoldfish]

One of the most hypocritical 'rules' of abusive families is that if you tell anyone outside the family, or even inside, something that makes your parents 'look bad', you're automatically betraying them. Like it's your job to keep their secrets and to protect them from 'looking bad to others' at any cost. They'll enforce this rule not only by warning you that 'what happens at home stays at home' but actively punishing you if you accidentally let something slip that you didn't even know wasn't normal to do to kids.

On the other hand, they can do whatever they fuck they want to you, and it's still not betrayal, in their own point of view. They can neglect you, fail to take care of you, ignore you, turn you into their emotional-support-child, have you do their part of work at home, have you responsible for more things than they themselves are, they can fail to teach you any life skills, fail to nurture your psychological health, fail to protect you from predators, fail to keep you safe completely, hell they can even get violent and knock you around and torture you for fun and entertainment, humiliate you as a joke and throw insults at you as if you were not a human being, and still it somehow doesn't count as betrayal!

And the thing is, all things on that list that they do to you are a betrayal! All of this means they've failed to provide a family to you, it all means you've been emotionally abandoned and forced to live as if you had no family at all, you had to earn your right to eat and sleep there, you had to raise yourself while enduring abuse, you had to deal with everything in life alone and fear your own lack of abilities to take care of yourself because nobody ever did that and nobody ever taught you how!

Telling others what happens at your home, however, is not a betrayal, it's simply repeating your experience to someone! If your family isn't abusive, this should be a normal and safe thing to do, even with uncomfortable and weird situation, it would not make a family member look abusive if they weren't actually actively abusing you.

You have not betrayed anyone if you speak your truth. The rules of 'everything must go in our favour and nothing in yours' are not real. That is not what family does. If this is what your family demanded of you, they weren't a family to you. Family should be benefiting children, not the reverse! Children are not obliged to do anything to be a part of family! It should be your birthright.

We are not going to build up a world where children are supposed to be 'of good use' to their parents, rather than the parents doing everything they possibly can to raise a happy, valued and healthy child. If you ended up miserable, guilty, traumatized, abandoned, neglected, unwanted, feeling worthless and like something about you is unlovable or irredeemable - they betrayed you. They hurt you when you were the most vulnerable and most in need of safety and protection. You do not owe them anything. And you do not have to forgive them.

[skania]

I've seen people criticize Akane's reply to Aqua in Chapter 52, but I think Akane actually said exactly what Aqua needed to hear.

Because she once again saw through Aqua.

Akane promises Aqua that she will always be his ally. That no matter what happens, she will be by his side; that she will understand him.

This really touches Aqua, but he can't bring himself to believe her. After all, Aqua, cynical and self-deprecating as he is, doesn't think it's "easy" to find someone who will acknowledge you as you are and appreciate you for it.

Of course, it doesn't help that he hides himself and his heart under multiple layers.

Despite that, he does open up to Akane in this chapter. You wouldn't understand, not that I'm going to tell you anyway, he says, before proceeding to do just that (lol).

He gives it his best shot, even turning his dark stare on her.

He is testing her. Laying a trap so that when she naturally judges him for his less than noble intentions, he can convince himself that that moment of comfort she gave him was nothing but a mirage. Of course she wouldn't understand, no one can understand.

He is doing the same thing Ai did when she met Saitou, being honest with the goal of scaring Akane off.

However, Aqua, who is always at odds with himself, is simultaneously also hoping Akane will prove him wrong, because he wants to believe her. He really does want to believe someone out there can understand him.

And Akane sees through the trap into what Aqua truly wants, and tells him exactly what he needs to hear.

She doesn't encourage him, neither does she tell him that he's wrong. She listens to him without judgement and tells him, in no uncertain terms, that she is willing to share that burden with him. Just like she told him she would.

And that kind of companionship and acceptance means the world to Aqua, who thinks so little of himself. It even chases the darkness from his eyes, turning the black star back into its usual white.

This is all highlighted later. First in Chapter 65, where Goro reveals that finally finding someone who understands him is one of the reasons that makes Aqua start to believe he can be happy.

And of course, in Chapter 97, where Aqua has a monologue about how Akane acknowledging him and accepting him as he is has saved him little by little.

[goldensunset]

ayyyyy it's the art year in review post with my best work from each month