#just give him batkids already

[ryemiffie]

I love imagining the scenario where one of Bruce's kids is getting married but no one knows Bruce's identity and it creates shenanigans. Like for example, Dick is marrying Starfire and she doesn't know Bruce's identity.

And they of course want Bruce at the wedding since he's Dick's dad, but they also want a hero as security due to the nature of the wedding, not only as a wedding between two heroes but also a Wayne wedding (not to mention holding a wedding like that in gotham is never easy) which is a pretty big deal in both respects and garners a lot of attention to be the perfect opportunity for a villian attack. So Starfire and Dick decide to request a justice league member there as security. Some heroes are eliminated due to them already being meant to attend as guests who are meant to be able to enjoy the wedding and some already have missions that need their attention, like Wonder Woman, Aquaman, and the Martian Manhunter are busy off-world, Shazam and HawkGirl are busy with a villian who's been on the run, and Superman is supposed to be doing press for the wedding as Clark, so they decide to give the task to Batman seeing as he's more than qualified and is already accustomed to the area (gotham), he can't figure out a way to decline the mission without risking his identity being leaked since he really has no reason to not be able to do it, except of course saying he has civilian business, on the day of the wedding, at the exact time of the wedding.. yeah hell no, Batman is way to paranoid to say something like that! So he agrees to do security as Batman for the wedding while also agreeing to attend the wedding as Bruce, ya' know, so people don't suspect anything about his identity due to the situation.

And before you ask yes Dick has realised the situation but no he is not helping Bruce out of it because its fucking funny to him, and none of the other batkids agree to where the suit for the day since they're also guests and they also find the situation funny as hell. So cue Bruce trying to constantly switch between making appearances as Bruce and doing security as Batman, like the classic sitcom episode where the person has to constantly switch between one date to the next, but it's Batman just trying to enjoy his kid's wedding.

[justsomestuffreally]

I think the Batkids reaction to a Bruce who isn't de-aged to 8 but rather 29 (pre-Jason death, post his adoption) would be fascinating. 

Their reaction would vary wildly:

Dick: Oh. Bruce is soft again. Bruce calls them ‘chum’ and ‘buddy’ and gives head pats for no reason. He still isn’t perfect, his communication skills are still a work in progress, but compared to his future self? Without actively dying Dick is hugged plenty. Bruce asks him to go to the zoo, unrelated to any case, just to spend time together. Dick is hit with more nostalgia and longing for the past than he knows what to do with.

Also notable: his dad is younger than him. That is something. Second, holy existential crisis Batman, his dad is younger than him and already one adult and one teenage kid??? Dick is not ready to feel this old yet. Third, Dick has absolutely no idea how Bruce managed to stay patient through his no-pants years. He is going to thank reason every day from now on that Damian wears full protection.

Jason: After his death and League he clung to an image of Bruce. One many tried to beat out of him, but he still kept it somewhere close to his heart, buried deep enough even he couldn’t see it. When he came back Bruce wasn’t like this idea of him. How stupid of him to believe the mind of a traumatized kid. Trying to create one good thing before the kid drew his last breath. Making up memories that never even existed.

But they did. Every smile and hug and even his words reflect the image tugged safely against his still-beating heart. His dad very clearly, very deeply loves him. Which is so much worse. Because he can understand why a Bruce, who never cared, didn’t kill the Joker. But he cares. So why the fuck did he not kill the Joker?

Tim: The reason he joined the family, the reason why he became Robin in the first place was because he saw a problem when Bruce started self-destructing and thought ‘Someone needs to fix that!’. Therefore he went and collected Dick, who didn’t seem keen on fixing it. So, the job fell to him to fix it.

He thought he did a good job, he thought he fixed the problem. Except now he sees who Bruce was, and he knows he failed. Their Bruce is less soft, less affectionate, less like he was before. Batman needs a Robin and Tim didn’t manage to be good enough of one to save him. 

[Or: Tim has a guilt complex a hundred miles wide and blames himself for things that aren’t his fault part 52]

Steph: Jason and she are very similar. Both come from the Narrows, both have a mother addicted to drugs and a shitty father. The differences start when Steph keeps waiting on the roof of their apartment for Batman to whisk her away, while Jason tries to steal the tires of the Batmobile and is taken in.

When Steph started out as Spoiler Bruce tried to keep her off the field, and obviously this one would too (even if he would probably be less paranoid about it), but she knows this Bruce would have also taken her in. This Bruce would be the father she always wished for when she sat on their roof and couldn’t see any stars. 

And she didn’t get to have this because Jason went ahead and died. (Of course, she knows she isn’t fair to the guy. Dying isn’t fun… And she knows the only reason she lived is because he died. When Batman rescued her from Black Mask she was in such terrible shape that Leslie managed to convince the World’s Greatest Detective that she died. If Jason hadn’t died Bruce wouldn’t have been as paranoid, wouldn’t have noticed her missing so soon, wouldn’t have been as urgent in his response. Would have been just a minute slower, a minute which would have killed her. Just as it had Jason.)

For her, this Bruce is a distorted mirror into a past which never was. 

Cass: This Bruce and B are not the same person. They don’t move the same. In a fight, this Bruce is younger, faster, stronger. Doesn’t compensate for a previously broken spine. Less experienced. Still one of the most experienced she knows, but less. 

He still moves differently, outside a fight, less pain. More likely to engage in physical affection, more likely to hug and pat and talk. He talks more than B. B knows what she means without words. This Bruce doesn’t.

She likes this Bruce, warmth, and softness. But not as much as B. He knows what she means, when she wants a hug, when she tells him ‘I love you’ without words. B doesn’t need words. This Bruce doesn’t know her, doesn’t communicate like her. She wants B back.

Damian: At first, when this version of his father seemed uncanny and oddly familiar, he assumed it to be due to the stories of his mother. After all, she always told him tales about his father. He simply did not have the frame of reference to understand the kindness she spoke of. Clearly, the clash between the ideals of the League and the ones of his father causes these feelings, just as they did when he first entered the manor.

He presumed this to be the case until one day on patrol Batman laid a hand on his shoulder and told him he did a good job after no particularly impressive fight and he nearly called him ‘Grayson’. Because the stories of his mother may have painted the picture of this version of his father, however, it wasn’t what made it familiar; no, he knew this kindness. These hugs and compliments one would bestow upon a child. Compliments which, despite the indignity, still warm him. Because Grayson learned how to be a… caregiver from his father.

His father used to be like Grayson, used to be until his grief hardened him. Damian could have had this. Damian could have a brother and father who would- But he doesn’t because of Todd. He loathes Todd. Loathes him for ruining the life he could have had.

Why did he die anyway? Damian certainly wouldn’t have a problem escaping bonds created by the Joker, Damian would have disarmed the bomb in time, Damian would have never thrown this life away like he did.

[Or: Damian is a child who was raised by assassins and has unreasonable standards for fighting abilities and also is a child who needs to focus his rage on someone.]

Duke: He was neither there before Jason died nor in the aftermath [according to my math he was around 4 when Jason died] he joined the family when Jason was already back for 4 years or so. He mostly skipped all the drama. For him, Bruce is the way Bruce is because he is Bruce. It’s weird to see him so different, to see how grief shaped parts of Bruce which Duke assumed were just Bruce things.

He’s glad this Bruce is brighter, or not because it just highlights how much that light will dim? Who knows, certainly not him. 

What he does know is that, with their Bruce, he has a distance which, with his parents still alive, he appreciates. With this Bruce, he can understand why Dick struggled so much whether he wants to be his ward or son, how he doesn’t want to replace his parents but still have this Bruce as a dad. It definitely explained the ted talk Dick tried to give him after Bruce officially took him in as a ward.

He likes this Bruce well enough, but he doesn’t necessarily want him to stay this way. Yes, their Bruce is less happy, less open but he did heal, he did grow. Duke met a Bruce who tried to learn from his mistakes, learned to communicate better, and learned when to pull and when to push. For Tim, Damian, Dick, and certainly Jason there is too much baggage, too much history in their relationships, it’s difficult for them to ever move past- anything really.

Sure, when Dick and Bruce are on the same page they are essentially invincible but then the past catches up again and they don’t talk to each other for months. And honestly? Apart from Cass, Duke’s pretty sure he has one of the best relationships with Bruce simply because he got to know him at a better time.

Duke doesn’t mind this Bruce. But their Bruce loved Jason, cared for him so deeply the scars still show to this day. And he still chooses to open up again even if just a bit by bit. Even if just Duke can see it. He is used to being the only one that can see.

And maybe knowing this care extends to him, this love even grief can’t shake? Maybe it makes him feel just a little bit safer, a little bit warmer, a little bit brighter.

[wondersinwaynemanor]

hc that the batkids' partners go to Steph for anything as she's a batfam member already so she has ideas on what the others like or dislike.

1.

Wally, hands Steph a Batburger: Here ya go.

Steph, narrows her eyes on the food: Extra cheese?

Wally nods.

Steph: Did you ask for extra ketchup?

Wally, shrieks: You don't have ketchup in your apartment???

Steph: Do you want to know whether Dick liked the flowers you gave him last week or not?

Wally, already zooming away: Give me a sec, Stephanie!

2.

Roy, hands her the coffee machine that he fixed: Just loose wiring.

Steph, nods at it: Great job, Harper. Thanks.

Steph, hands Roy the tools she borrowed from the cave for his next project: If these even get a little scratch, B will not be pleased.

Roy, rolls his eyes: Delicate fingers, Brown.

Roy, hands some flowers he got from Dinah's shop: I believe these are fresh, Cass will love these.

Steph, smells them: Beautiful.

Steph, hands the special recipe of Butternut Squash soup that Jason loves: And if you lose this.... Then Alfie will take both of us down in a heartbeat.

Roy: I would never want to be against Alfred.

3.

Steph, groans: What is it this time, Clone?

Kon, floats by Steph on the rooftop: How did you handle it when Rob was having nightmares?

Steph: Does he still sleepwalk?

Kon, shrieks: He sleepwalks???

Steph, shrugs: Maybe.

Kon: What am I supposed to do??

Steph, shrugs casually: Slap him awake and kiss him, I supposed.

4.

Izzy, calls Steph: So...

Steph: I figure you need some advise on something related to Duke?

Izzy: Hey, I was just going to ask if you want to go get your nails done.

Steph: You paying?

Izzy: You are the one living under that mansion, Steph.

Steph: Not exactly.

Izzy: Ohh.

the conversation dies down for a couple of seconds, before Steph speaks again.

Steph, sighs: Take him to the new movie that's out. He likes Sci-fi movies.

Izzy, squeals: You're the best, Steph!

5.

Steph: It's about time the little Kent showed up.

Jon, floats by Steph on the rooftop: So Kon has done this too?

Steph: All of them thinks I know everything.

Jon: Well, you have the advantage.

Steph just shrugs and then shows Jon the kitten she picked on the street yesterday.

Steph: Here. She's cleaned and I also fed her some of my food at home, but Dami has everything she needs so make sure you handle her with care, okay? Not the Kryptonian strength of yours.

Jon, nods eagerly and takes the kitten from her hands: Got it. Thank you, Stephanie.

Steph, ruffles his hair: Steph is alright, little dude.

[haveihitanerve]

Okay but hear me out- the batkids as actual Vampires. Not bruce, just the kids, and bruce providing for them. Because he just has the tastiest blood.

Little Dick toddling over to Bruce, tears in his eyes because he ate his bloody dinner too fast and hes still hungry and Bruce just sighing and sticking out his hand and Dick lights up and they watch a movie while dick is happily gnawing on Bruce’s thumb and sucking his blood. Big Dick complains very loudly about how hungry he is and Bruce will glower at him before finally giving in and throwing an arm around his eldests shoulders and Dick pecks his cheek with a sweet “thank you dad.” before sinking his teeth into Bruce’s arm. 

Little Jason would very politely come over and tug on his hand and Bruce would pick him up and let him bite his hand and drink, but Big Jason just pounces on Bruce from behind and sinks his teeth into Bruces shoulder/neck for blood. 

Little Tim slipping five dollar bills into Bruce’s hand just before chomping his thigh and Big Tim very casually stabbing a needle into Bruce’s leg, extracting blood and then putting it into his coffee and walking away. Sometimes, if he’s feeling nostalgic, he will curl up with his head on bruce’s lap and actually bite him for blood, for pure blood, but he likes his coffee bruce blood blend better

Little Cass never once asked bruce for blood because she was scared, but Bruce would just scoop her into his arms and offer her his already cut open shoulder until she was comfortable enough scaling him like a tree and drinking from his shoulder. Big Cass still doesn't ask for blood, she just lands on his shoulders and bites his bicep. 

Little Steph was a little vampire gremlin and any time she saw Bruce without clothes (since his children feed off of him Bruce wears very little, just a tank top and shorts and makes sure to shave as much as possible to provide ample biting space, but as Batman he still wears his full suit just easy to slip off certain parts so his kids can feed easily) she would suction onto him like a little affectionate leech and dig her little teeth into his back. Big Steph also likes his back and has much the same habits as little steph did. 

Little Babs wasn't too keen on blood, but sometimes Bruce would offer her his forearm while she was working and she would work and eat. Big Babs has no qualms about taking his blood, but has few chances, so he stops by her Oracle hideout sometimes and just holds out his arm for her to drink

Little Damian thought drinking blood from a human was beneath him. Until he saw Cass doing it and wanted to follow her footsteps, but he cant climb bruce as well as her, so he just sank his teeth into Bruce’s calf. Big Damian will wait until Bruce sits or lays down and props his feet up and will then enjoy his calf blood. 

Bruce Wayne who is covered, littered in bite scars of varying sizes, who was once knocked over by his three eldest sons because they had been on a mission away from him for a week and were hungry and before they even said hello just sank their teeth into his neck, hand and thigh. Bruce Wayne who’s majority of scars come from his children, not villains and who willingly offers up his neck to any one of his children if they seem hungry. 

Bruce Wayne who, as Batman, will peel his protective bat suit arm off because Dick was hungry on a stake out. 

Bruce Wayne who is not a vampire but his children all are and he’ll be damned if he deprives them their nutrients. 

(selina kyle who is also a vampire and also gets her blood from bruce but from his-)

[gothamite-rambler]

Diana Prince (Wonder Woman) with all the batkids when they were kids

Dick Grayson:

Diana (rubbing young Dick Grayson's cheek with her hand): Baby, tiny, precious! You so cute!

Dick giggled with a smile.

Diana: You want a candy?

Dick: Hm, yes! Yes! Please!

Diana: Aww, so precious.

Bruce: He's not supposed to eat a lot of-

Diana (a sweet smile on her face): Bruce, you and I both know I can break every bone in your body at once.

Bruce (hiding his fear): I do remember that, I'll be talking to Superman.

---------------------------------------

Jason Todd:

Diana: Oh, you're so cute and precious! I just want to hug you for hours and hours. I love how tiny you are!

Young Jason feet dangled as Diana scooped him up and hugged him. He couldn't breathe well, but he wasn't not trying to break free.

Bruce: Okay... you're smothering him. Let him go.

Jason (struggling to breathe): Hold up Batman! I'm not complaining.

Diana: And remember I know how to break your bones.

Batman: All right I'll just go.

Batman walks away.

Young Jason: This is the greatest day ever. I... I'm trying not to cry.

Diana: You're so sweet.

---------------------------------------

Tim Drake:

Tim Drake clutched to the woman's hip, crying happily. Batman tried to pull him off, but Tim wouldn't let go.

Tim: This is the greatest day of my hero life! I am so happy to meet you!

Diana (simpering): I can't hold myself longer, I am happy to meet you too young warrior! You are just as precious as the rest!

Bruce: I have to stop bringing them around her- Dick, why are you crying?

Dick: That used to be me!

Dick cried, resting his head on Bruce's shoulder. Bruce sighed pinching the bridge of his nose.

---------------------------------------

Stephanie Brown (for the short time she was Robin)

Stephanie: Oh my goddess, you're Wonder Woman! Bomb girl boss! I've been wanting to meet you forever! I- Oh my goodness I'm embarrassing myself aren't I? You want me to leave, right?

Diana (elated): If I could I'd adopt you, but for now you're an honorary Amazon warrior! Want a hug?

Stephanie: YES!

Diana and Stephanie hugged, any attempt Bruce tried to take to break the two apart was met with Diana shoving him away.

Stephanie (dramatic fake sobs): I needed this, Batman is like so mean to me. Doesn't braid my hair even though I showed him the best tutorials and he doesn't appreciate me! I swear he's like my dad.

Diana glared at Bruce who's face turned red with anger.

Bruce: Okay, that was mean. I'm leaving!

Bruce stormed off while Diana took Stephanie's hand and led her way to chat and braid her hair.

---------------------------------------

Damian Wayne:

Bruce: Okay so Wonder Woman is bit... Obsessed with cute kids. Just be ready.

Damian: Oh father please, I've dealt with way worse.

The doors to the meeting slid open where Diana was already in the room. She sat at the Justice League meeting table. Once she spotted Damian, she gasped.

Damian tensed surprised, he backed away slowly as he began to get flashbacks to Talia.

Diana (eager): You got the itty bitty ones again?! Come here young warrior!

Damian: Noooo!

Damian ran away as Diana chased him with her arms open wide.

Diana: Let me give you cheek rubs!

Damian (screaming): Get away from me!

Clark Kent walked over to Bruce while snacking on a granola bar.

Clark: You ever think about not having a kid sidekick?

Bruce: You've got one more time to tell me that and I'm sending kryptonite to your house.

Clark (sarcastic): Glad your practicing being kinder to us like I told you too.

[emotional-piece-of-meat]

Batkids + “I need my dad” moment 

When Dick has “I need my dad” moment, he goes straight to Bruce. No matter where he was, he'll find Bruce to hug him or to rest his head on his shoulder. He becomes uncharacteristically quiet, and Bruce holds back as tightly as Dick holds him.

Jason hates with burning passion having “I need my dad” moments because it makes him feel small. It reminds him of a little boy who wanted nothing more than protection and comfort from his dad. And Jason hates to remember that this boy is still here.

Cass, on the other hand, cherish her “I need my dad” moments. It overwhelms her with love and joy, because she finally has a parental figure she can trust. Cass bonks her head into him to show her love, and you better believe that Bruce gives her tons of forehead kisses after.

Tim was weird out by “I need my dad” moment when it happened for the first time. He never had a dad he could rely on, so he didn't know how to process this craving. He still doesn't, and to these days he feels that these moments do not belong to him.

Damian doesn't understand this whole "I need my dad" kind of thing. He feels it, sure, but he doesn't understand what it is. He's already out of touch with his emotions, this one is too complicated to analyze and as useless as other feelings in his opinion, so he ignores it as he usually does with the rest of them.

When Duke has "I need my dad" moment, he asks Bruce to visit the local psychiatric hospital with him, because he doesn't have the moral strength to do it alone. Although Duke loves his surrogate father, he truly does, sometimes he just needs his dad. 

Bonus:

When Bruce has "I need my dad" moment, he brings Alfred food and asks him to cook something. Because, growing up, Bruce often watched Alfred cooking and such a routine gives him a certain sense of comfort. 

[dc-gotham-instincts-wild]

Smol Au where Bruce heard one 1 detail about Tim’s home life and immediately went into Bat-Dad Override Mode.

Like, imagine Tim offhandedly mentioning something like, “Oh yeah, my parents used to forget I existed sometimes. I once had to fake a break-in just to get their attention.” And Bruce just freezes. Cue the world's longest internal monologue:

"Wait. What. What do you mean 'forget you existed'? What do you mean 'fake a break-in'? TIM, WHAT DO YOU MEAN—"

And the next thing you know, Tim blinks and—boom, Brucie Wayne has casually committed legal theft.

Paperwork? Done. Custody battle? There was none. Jack Drake? Doesn’t even realize he’s been replaced yet. Bruce just pulls some billionaire strings, has Alfred pack up Tim’s things, and suddenly Tim legally belongs to the Batfamily (As if he didn't emotionally belong to them already)

Tim: “Wait, what?��� Bruce: “You live here now.” Tim (Scared of Jack): “But my father-” Bruce (Hugging him): “No. I'm done seeing you go back to a place where they don't care.”

Meanwhile, Dick, Jason, Cass, Steph, and Damian are in the background, going absolutely feral over the fact that Bruce didn’t do this sooner.

Dick is so happy he picks Tim up and swings him around like a ragdoll.

Jason takes the opportunity and breaks into the place and steals the expensive stuff that Tim mentioned he liked.

Cass just smiles and nods approvingly before immediately making Tim do some ridiculous high-difficulty sparring because "You are true family."

Steph is thriving because she’s been screaming about how her twin deserved better for years. More chaos fun for them now.

Meanwhile, Damian is pretending to be normal about it.

He’s sitting there like “Hmph. This changes nothing.”

Internally, he is losing his mind. “Father should have stolen custody a long time ago.”

He spends the next month being extra insufferable about Tim’s new legal status but also follows him around just a bit more than usual.

Then Duke shows up later, and the other Batkids make sure he gets the memo.

Cass just hands him a file labeled “People We Hate.” Jack Drake is at the top.

Jason corners him like “If you ever see a Ouija board, we’re using it to haunt Jack Drake.”

Dick just gives him the reasons straight

Steph just mentions it once or twice.

Damian openly insults Jack at a gala

By the end of the week, Duke is fully briefed and casually says “Screw Jack Drake” at the dinner table, earning an approving nod from Jason.

[corkinavoid]

DPxDC Demon Children Are Multiplying

This idea is still stuck in my head, and I might even end up writing something out of it, but for now, I just thought of something equally really, really stupid and really, really funny.

What if I combine that idea with Al Ghul Twins. I don't know how. Maybe Talia was cautious about Ra's not wanting to keep two kids for a position of Heir, or maybe she staged Danny's death, or maybe something else entirely happened. But anyway, Danny is Damian's twin.

Then, Dani is the same age as Danny in this AU. And Dan is de-aged to be the same age as both of them.

Now behold an absolute train wreck of a situation where Bruce attends a Gala hosted by Vladimir Masters. Together with Damian, of course, and maybe other batkids are there too. They all part their ways to make their rounds or whatnot. And they all keep seeing Damian wherever they go. Just everywhere.

Dick is talking to someone, and Damian walks past him, not paying him any attention. Which is not surprising, but a little rude, and, wait, wasn't he wearing a red tie? When did he change it to green one?

Tim is just going on the top floor to greet a lady he recognizes from some other event, and Damian all but storms in the opposite direction, only letting Tim catch a glimpse of his face. But when Tim turns around, he is really confused: the person running down the stairs is clearly a girl, albeit she is wearing a suit. Her long hair is up in a complicated braid. Why did he even mistake her for Damian?

But the ultimate confusion happens when Bruce is talking to Vladimir Masters, and a very familiar voice calls, "Father". Because both he and Vladimir turn to face the boy and ask, "Yes?" at the same time.

Damian is standing there, looking between Bruce and Vlad. He looks a little off somehow, but before Bruce can figure out why, the boy blinks and focuses on Vlad.

"We've been looking for you," he tells the man, and, wait, when was Damian looking for Masters? Furthermore, who is we?

But then another child comes closer. And-

That's Damian.

That's two Damians.

Wait, no, none of them are Damians.

"What is it?" Vladimir raises an eyebrow, not paying too much attention to Bruce's blanched expression.

A third child comes towards them, and this one also looks like Damian, only this one is a girl.

"Template's duplicate is here," she says, and Vlad frowns, turning to the Damian lookalike in the middle.

"Have you had another incident that I don't know of?"

Whatever answer the boy wanted to give is cut off by a n o t h e r child who looks like- no, this is real Damian, thank God, Bruce had started to wonder if the champagne was spiked with hallucinogens.

"Father-" he stops in his tracks as the three other children turn to him, and the four of them just stare at each other for a long moment. Then the one in the middle takes a sharp breath in and stage-whispers:

"Quick, do the meme!"

And all three not-Damians start pointing at each other.

Bruce is going to have an aneurysm. Judging by Vladimir's face, he is also not far from one.

Just my ramblings under the cut

I think you all know what meme I'm talking about, but I'm still gonna add it

This is so fucking hilarious to me, I'm sorry, I just can't

Danny is not missing this opportunity of a lifetime, even though Vlad specifically asked all three of them not to cause a scene. And yes, they all call Vlad "father" just for the spite of it or for shits and giggles. I'm going with Bad Fentons idea here, although I'm not sure to which degree they are bad, but anyway, Vlad is their legal guardian, and he is redeemed.

Yes, Dick took a picture. Yes, it's already in the group chat. Yes, other batkids are going wild.

Damian is greatly confused because, first, he thought there was a clone of him at the gala, but apparently, there were three of them, and second, why are they pointing at each other? Should he join them? He is under the assumption his brother is dead (he's not exactly wrong on that account), or he doesn't even know he existed.

This is as far as I got now, feel free to add anything!

[gaywineauntsstuff]

the reason I hate the "Tim doesn't trust Dick after Damian/spyral/ric" is because they are besties your honour.

Like there's a post going around that I cannot for the life of me find that says Dick is Tims trusted adult and they are so right fr ong.

Because despite what Fanon believes Dick is a pretty chill guy and people take one look at him and go "let me unload my emotional baggage on you"

There's like a very famous panel (that im too lazy to find or remember the name of the run its in okay don't yell at me) where Tim basically goes "soooo my girlfriends pregnant" and Dick nearly falls off the roof.

Tim is calling Dick for the dumbest shit imaginable to the world ending and so are the rest of the batkids.

so I have taken the Canon that Dick knows if not all but most and generalised it to hell.

-------------------------

Jason has been on a team with like 80% of OG titan members

they're having gossip session

Jason in a war zone dodging bullets with his bat travel mug in his hand: And THEN! Kori and Roy shared this look and you know the look they give you when they're judging you for bat reasons and you're like tell me why you're mad I was raised by a crazy person my normal levels are skewed.

Dick in NYC with a blueberry bagel In one hand, his Turkish coffee in another, just finished meeting up with Donna who gave him THAT exact look: No REALLLLL why are they like that, just tell me which one of the creepy traits I internalised as a child is bothering you.

Jason: omg you get it anyway so I grab the bomb and start playing soccer with it because its round and im bored and starfire takes it away like idk what im doing? bro ive been bombed I know how to work with a bomb..

Dick: hmmm and then what happened

Jason: and then.....

--------------------------

Tim: Dickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Dick: yea Tim

Tim: Kon is being a dick

Dick: oh?

Tim: yeah and its really starting to bother me man

Dick who knows Kon is dead and Tim is either hallucinating or drugged to be more susceptible to manipulation and is already on his way: hmm tell me more babybird whys he upsetting my lil brother

Tim about to tell Dick what is a fever dream bc he contracted pneumonia and is loopy off his ass on painkillers:

---------------------------

steph does this more with babs in the hero scene but its just... so easy and totally gets into the habit of it after Dick is her Batman for a bit and now she uses him as her civilian life therapist

Steph on her way back from campus: and then this bitch looks me up and down and pours her coffee cup down my shirt!

Dick on his way back to blud after decking bruce in the face: hold on hold on hold on she did what??

Steph nodding vigorously even though he can't see her: pulls my whole ass sweater away from my body and pours her peats coffee down my goddamn shirt Dick.

Dick: omg she didnt

Steph still nodding: she DID and then I found out from Jonny who found out from Vivian that someone told her I made out with her boyfriend at Leos house party

Dick who has no idea who any of these people are: wait but you were at Leos for like an hour max last week. we has smoothies after.

StepH: exactly so I had proof that I wasn't there and confronted her and went like. I don't want your crusty ass alt white boy whose favourite 'indie' band is the neighbourhood. I dated Tim fucking Drake the OG crusty ass white boy and I don't do repeats

Dick choking on his coffee:

Steph: anyway we are besties now and planning on getting her boyfriend back because apparently he cheated on her with this drop dead gorgeous girl and im high key a lil complimented she thought we were the same person.

Dick who initially called for casework and is actually so happy one of the people he calls siblings is actually like living a life outside of vigilantism: tell me more

Steph: you sound a little teary

dick: don't worry about it

-------------------------

Damian: Richard

Dick: Damian

Damian: so I might be skipping patrol with father

Dick:? what you love patrol??

Damian: and school

Dick: Dames? what's going on:? is everything okay? you can talk to me

Damian: I am volunteering at a hospital

Dick: kid

Damian: Listen before you sAY anything I know what we do is important but I think I can help in another way and -

Dick had brown parents and was training for the olympics at 8, totally knows what its like to have insane expectations and rebel with a day job: kid kid calm down okay? you wanna be a doctor? is that it?

Damian: well? I dont really know but I just? there has to be another way to help people. besides what we do I mean-

Dick: Alfred left me Thomas waynes journals I initially thought they were to bash your fathers head in when he was being stupid but it seems the old man was looking out for us. Wanna take a stab at your other grandpas legacy when you come over next weekend. I'll tell Bruce we patrolled so you get a few more days off.

Damian: you're the best

[superbatsbison]

Bruce x Male Reader where, instead of dealing with the whole "Dad and Dad" thing, the batkids just call you some variation of Mom.

Bruce is already their dad, obviously, and he's SUCH a strong father figure, but sometimes, they yearn for something softer. More forgiving.

They come to you for comfort when something goes bad. Either on patrol or in their daily life. They'll lay with their head in your lap while you brush their hair out of their face and whisper loving words in your deep timbre.

On days when there's a gala to attend, you spend hours helping your little chicks with hairstyles and straightening up outfits. Whenever one of the boys lose their cufflinks, you playfully huff and roll your eyes before giving them a pair of your own (or Bruce's). Sometimes Cass and Steph come to ask you which pair of shoes go better with their dress or whether they should wear gold or silver jewelry.

It's these soft displays of affection that lend to them absentmindedly calling for 妈妈, Omm, Mami, Ma, or any other variation they can think of. At first, they're embarrassed and apologize, but you understand that they all have unconventional examples of what a family is. So, who are you to take this away from them? You'll be the best damn mama there is thank you very much!

God help anyone who tries to criticize you or the kids about it because they'll have a furious Bruce Wayne down their throats before they can even blink.

Speaking of Bruce, he's just so endeared by the whole thing. Watching the love of his life take care of his babies in such a nurturing way means the world to him. His own mother was so important to him, and he's glad his kids can find that same solace even if it's with their other father.

just a happily unconventional patchwork family 😔🩷🫶🏼

[wonderjanga]

Marvel Being a Bad Dad (Pedro, Eugene, and Darla Edition)

By the way in this AU Mary is still his twin, but let’s say he knows the Vázquez for whatever reason. Also, in case it wasn’t obvious all of the Marvels besides Billy look like kids. Like actual kids. 10 to 14 depending on how old they are actually. Anyways, this is just a little short add-on to the original post. Nothing more. Also this has a little bit of Mexican Billy, courtesy of someone’s headcanon I saw and a post of Jason Todd babysitting the other Batkids.

*The League is throwing a party and Billy brings Darla and Eugene along. Marvel is talking to Batman while Darla is running around with Impulse. Also Eugene is talking tech with Tim!Robin*

Marvel: “And so yeah—” *looks to a table before doing a double take* “One sec.” *Looks around for Darla*

Darla: *stopped at the snack table for some juice*

Marvel: *Does that thing my mom does to get my attention: snaps fingers and beckons with her pointer with an expression that leaves me wondering if I’m going to get my ass beat*

Darla: *pauses mid juice sip and zips over*

Marvel: *leans down to whisper in her ear* “Toma esa cosa de la mesa.” *points el adorno on the snack table*

Darla: “Wha?” *looks over to the table* “The centerpiece? You can’t take that—”

Marvel: “Cállate!” *takes two fingers and pinches her mouth close* “No me importa. Tú lo vas a tomar. Vete.” *tries to shoo her away and takes his fingers off her mouth.*

Darla: “But that’s wrong!”

Marvel: “Vete.” *says while gritting teeth* “O corto el pelo de todas tus Barbies.”

Darla: *scandalized gasp*

Marvel: “Ah, y dáselo a tu hermano cuando termines. Gracias.” *shooes her off again*

Darla: *has distraught expression as she zips over and grabs it and runs off to Eugene to hand it to him with a guilty look before running back over to run around with Impulse again*

Eugene: *promptly throws it over his shoulder into his pocket dimension*

Robin!Tim: “Was that one of the centerpieces?”

Eugene: “Yeah?”

Robin!Tim: “Did you guys just steal it?”

Eugene: “Also yes.” *nods head*

Robin!Tim: “Why…? Also where did it go?” *rounds Eugene to look for it*

Eugene: “I threw it in my pocket dimension.”

Robin!Tim: “How does that work?”

*The two then forget about that whole thing and then start talking about magic, then go back to tech, then start talking about combining magic and tech*

*Back with Bruce and Billy…*

Batman: “Why did you just go send that child to go steal one of my centerpieces that I paid for with my money in my own Watchtower?”

Marvel: “You understood that- actually wait. You’re Batman. Of course you understood that.”

Batman: “Hn.” (Batman language for: Just tell me already)

Marvel: “Alright, alright.” *claps hand on Bruce’s shoulder* “Look, we needed it more than you ever will, okay?” (They really don’t)

Batman: “Elaborate on that.”

Marvel: “See, I can’t. So instead I’m just gonna go raid the snack table.” *juts a thumb towards the snack table* “See ya, Bats!” *waves and walks off to the snack table*

Batman: *Bat-glares at him as he leaves*

or

*The Justice League are fighting a super strong villain. Currently, Flash and Billy are hiding behind a rock while the villain’s goons are shooting at them. Billy also forgot to mention to Flash that he brought along Pedro*

Flash: “Okay, so here’s the plan- Dude, why is that little kid here?” *points to Pedro*

Marvel: “Huh, you mean him?” *also points to Pedro*

Flash: “Who else, man?” *gives Billy a look* “Bud, in case you can’t tell, this place is super dangerous. Like, Supes got knocked out for a moment type of dangerous! So why’s he still here? You should’ve sent him away!”

Marvel: “What? Pshhhh… He’ll be fine, Flash. Trust me.” *pats Pedro’s head* “Anyways, buddy, say hi to Flash.”

Pedro: *gives a little wave*

Marvel: *stage whispers this to Flash* “He’s a little shy. Me and the others are trying to get him to interact with people more.”

Flash: *notes how Marvel is a little too carefree about this. He later forgets about that when Pedro actually helps quite a bit in the fight. He also notes how this is one of the only instances he’s seen of Marvel acting positively towards his “kids”*

Translations:

Toma esa cosa de la mesa = Take that thing from the table

el adorno = The ornament/the decoration/in this case the centerpiece

Cállate = Be quiet

Vete = Go away/Go

O corto el pelo de todas tus Barbies = Or I cut the hair of all your Barbies

Ah, y dáselo a tu hermano cuando termines. Gracias = Oh, and give it to your brother when you’re done. Thanks.

[littlefankingdom]

I saw another post criticizing Bruce for having children fighting at his side, and I must say: tell me you don't know shit about the batkids' stories without telling me. Bruce fucking tried to stop those kids from being vigilantes, but they keep doing it behind his back, so he decided the best thing to do was to give them the proper training, an armor and to have them stick at his side so he can watch over them. You know, like a parent telling their underage children that they can drink alcohol but only at home where they can watch over them.

Dick became Robin because he wanted revenge over his parents' murder. He would run out in the street of Gotham as a 8 years old, all alone, to go fight Zucco. Bruce helping him make Robin was the compromise to keep Dick safe, because the child would not listen. (And yes, it wasn't the case in the very first canon, but it was like the 40s. Do you know how many kids fought against the Nazis in Europe at that time???)

Barbara Gordon is not his daughter and he has no authority on her being a vigilante. He cannot even ground her.

Jason became Robin after helping Bruce take down Ma Gunn's school. It is implied by Bruce, while talking to Dick, that he offered Robin to Jason as a way to gain a child because he missed having Dick around. He didn't need a Robin, he just missed having a kid. Bruce used the Robin mantle with Jason like people use churu to appease stray kitten. AND JASON'S DEATH, let's talk about it. Jason ran away, which leads to him being killed, after eavesdropping on Bruce and Alfred talking about Jason's mental health. Jason is benched as Robin, but not because Bruce thinks he killed someone like fandom says, but because Bruce knows it is not helping or healthy for Jason. They are talking about getting him help for his traumas and how violence is not helping Jason. And, when he is older and has healed, they can try again if he wants to. That's why Jason or people saying that Jason died because he was a soldier, or blaming Bruce for Robin's existence is false. When Jason died, Bruce was against Jason being Robin for his own health! And Jason knows that, he heard the discussion, he wasn't bench like how so many of his siblings are, with little to no honest explanation. Jason died in the Robin's costume because of his own stubbornness, not because of Bruce. (And that's not blaming Jason for his death. He is not to blame, but neither is Bruce. It's just about the Robin's colors. Jason would not have been wearing them at the time if he listened to Bruce.)

Tim Drake imposed himself as Robin. Bruce was against it, Tim literally went "Don't care, didn't ask". And Tim was already following them around before. Bruce already have Jason blaming him for making Tim Robin when he had no control over that.

Stephanie Brown became a vigilante before Batman knew her. He has tried SO MANY TIMES to make her stop, and so many fans hate that he did it. Make a choice, is it bad that he didn’t stop her more or that he didn’t let her more be a vigilante? He even got his kids to try to make her stop. AND SHE IS "KILLED" TO TEACH HIM THAT MAKING KIDS VIGILANTES IS BAD WHEN HE IS NOT RESPONSIBLE OF HER BECOMING ONE AND TRIED TO STOP HER! No shit the man blames himself for things that are not his fault, everyone does it.

Cassandra Cain was 17 when she becomes Batgirl, so I don't know if she counts. But when Bruce tries to make her stop for her own health, with the support of Barbara and Alfred, Cass is devastated and doesn't obey him. She puts on her costume and fights him physically.

Damian Wayne was trained as an assassin. In every version of him being introduced to Bruce, Bruce is against making him Robin and Damian keeps sneaking out. Damian wants to prove himself to his father so bad and refused to be kept away from the fight. In the comics, it's Dick, DICK, that makes him Robin when Bruce is gone, because Bruce was against letting Damian out at night.

Conclusion: Bruce is a tired father of a bunch of kids that cannot understand they should stay home at night and not be vigilantes.

[radiance1]

Pariah Dark is summoned to the DC universe by cultists who want to give the world over to him, he obliges in their request since he'll get something out of it, and he hasn't been out in ages as well.

So Pariah Dark raises his army of the dead and gets to work, his general isn't here with him but he would do fine without him, couldn't be that hard.

Besides, said general is occupied with a task of the utmost importance.

A few days into this siege Pariah is surprised at how much of a fight this world is putting up, that 'Justice League' of theirs is proving a fair more challenge than he would have though and since when did humans know the arcane secrets of magic?

It was a few more days later that Pariah Dark is about to face off against the league and their magic users that something unexpected happened. A teenage boy appeared on the battlefield, glowing white hair and starry cloak billowing in the wind as he stood before the Ghost King in all his glory.

Only to groan and tell him to come home already and that he promised not to do his whole 'enslaving worlds' thing. Pariah Dark, the Ghost King known as a tyrant and cruel, wilting under the boy's stare and actively seemed to be considering it, before confusion appeared on his face and he asked where his general was.

Kid just held up one side of his cloak and Fright Knight popped right out as if summoned, which, technically he was.

So then the kid forced the notorious Ghost King back to the Infinite Realms with a stare and words dripping in disappointment before turning back to the heroes gathered there with a sigh.

"I know father can be a bit... rough, so please accept my apologies for this." He bowed, all the regal air and dignity of a prince before leaving through the same portal as his dad.

The magic users of the League are both not and are taking it well. One on hand, the goddamn Ghost king apparently has a son, on the other he's not as bloodthirsty as his father.

(After thought. But bonus points if Fright Knight appears too one of the batkids after Danny left and telling them that the prince thought they were cute or something idk mane just an after thought)

[coldilikeit]

CONTAINS SPOILERS, ONLY SLIGHT BUT STILL, also characters explainations

Yandere DC x Pjo

_____________________________

ne thing I don't agree with most of the "Neglected reader" series is that once they realize the reader is worthy of their love, they stop loving each other???

Like there are scenarios where they will fight each other for the reader, that doesn't sit right with me, they share secrets and trauma together and trust each other with their life, that's not going to disappear because of the reader

So in my story, Batfam still loves each other despite what happened to the reader, and this love for family is crucial to future chapters

So protective Jason, at chapter five, glaring at Jon and all

AND ALSO

Most of the time the only reason Batfam loves the reader is out of pure guilt, they don't actually love the reader

Another change in my story is that, the Batfam and reader have their moments, though it's rare, the reader still makes memories with Batfam, although their painful ones

The batkids has created an image in their head that the reader is this pathetic person who was lucky enough to be born rich, and that was the holding grudge to why Batfam treated the reader badly

Yes Damian was also born rich, but he was suffering, when Damian got accustomed to Bruce's affection he felt bitter that the reader had this affection and yk

Bruce on the other hand, is raw, He got the reader when he was still building his reputation as batman, he didn't think a fling child was important, until dick came, he became a sidekick and there he decided to make you one too

To Bruce you were a convenience, just another assistant to him, and he wasn't really a father, but rather an employer, he built his relationship with Dick through being a sidekick, while having no relationship with you turned you into one for more assistance

But it doesn't mean they don't love you, of course they do, that's the main reason Bruce made you stop being a Robin in the first place, because you were a target

It's just that in their heads, you were already this insignificant person, they didn't realize how much you meant to them until you died

Even if you didn't die, if you weren't taken to Camp half-blood, they would have realized their love for you on their own

Only problem is, at camp half-blood, you were able to heal

Inside the Manor, you weren't

So chances of you forgiving them are higher when you're at camp rather than staying in the manor

The difference is also the trauma, you grew up inside the Manor since birth, you were comfortable

That's why the family didn't think to give you that much attention in the first place

That trauma is also why you don't like how your mom said "I'm giving you attention cause you're pitiful"

[flamingpudding]

Danny gets summoned out of his final exams to help the Justice League with a Multivers-level of tread. Grumbling the entire time, he transforms, helps, and just wants to return home cause, hello he was summoned in the middle of his exams but can't return because of the aftermath. Danny is angry and pissy with them the entire time, with a couple exception in the younger generations like Kon when he learned the guy was a clone.

Meanwhile the batkids started to bet on who of the Justice league will attempt to keep Danny:

Red Hood: I like the kid. I give it three weeks, money is on Wonder Woman.

Red Robin: with how B is. Two on him.

Nightwing: One, Green Lantern has been complaining that he wants a kid.

Spoiler: oh are we betting on mentoring or adoption? I put my money on Constantine for the chaos.

Robin: This is ridicules.... I place it on Jon pestering his father.

Red Robin: wait we are throwing in the Sups now? Change it to one week, Kon likes him ever since he mentioned having a clone sister.

Orphan holding up two fingers.

Signal: Mentor wise, two days, adoption? I give him a week. Doesn't matter who though.

Oracle: oh aren't you all forgetting something? The Justice League Dark was the one doing the summoning, they already stated claim on him.

Danny could only stare flabbergasted at them. Didn't they hear what he said? He needs to find a way back home, his final exams were at stake, his sister, the older one, would kill him if he bombed them.

[incorrectbatfam]

How would the batfam react to someone robbing the Manor?

Robber: *enters*

Dick: Oh good, you're here! Do these shorts make my butt look big?

———————

Robber: *taking things*

Jason: What are you doing?

Robber: Robbing you.

Jason: There's a safe in Bruce's office. Passcode is 0816. Feel free to take a crack at it. I'll be in the library if you need me.

———————

Robber: *picking the lock*

*door flies open and hits them*

Tim, on the phone: I'll be there in ten. In the meantime, tell Kon and Bart not to touch anything.

*door slowly swings shut*

Robber, stuck to the door: *slowly peels off*

———————

Robber: *pocketing antiques*

Damian: You must be Alfred's new assistant. I see you're already taking the initiative to get our family heirlooms restored. After that, I need you to do the laundry as I have run out of clean school uniforms.

Robber: Uh, no, kid. I'm robbing you.

Damian: Oh. In that case...

Damian: *stabs them*

———————

Robber: *walks in*

Duke, being kidnapped: Do you mind? We're kind of in the middle of something.

Robber: Sorry, I'll come back later.

———————

Robber: *enters*

Cullen: Hey, I know you're here to rob us, but I've been practicing some magic tricks to impress my boyfriend's family. Can you do me a favor and pick a card?

Robber:

Robber: *picks a card*

———————

Steph: *making a snack while wearing headphones*

Robber: *sneaks up behind her*

Steph: *throws a banana peel over her shoulder*

Robber: *slips on the banana peel*

Robber: *slides across the kitchen*

Robber: *gets tangled in the curtains*

Robber: *falls into a suitcase*

*suitcase shuts*

*suitcase rolls outside into the pool*

Steph: *takes off her headphones and turns around*

Steph: Did someone say something?

———————

Robber: *climbs in through the window*

Cass: Hi.

Robber: Hi.

Cass: You're a robber.

Robber: Yes.

Cass:

Cass: *pushes them out the window*

———————

Robber: *comes in*

Barbara: *looks up from her computer*

Robber: *slowly backs out*

Barbara: That's what I thought.

———————

Robber: Give me the TV!

Harper: Sure, just hold this for me please.

Harper: *hands him a grenade*

Harper: *pulls the pin*

Harper: *walks away*

———————

Robber: *unlocks the door*

Carrie: You must be our new bouncy house guy.

Robber: No, I'm robbing you.

Robber: Wait, you have a bouncy house guy?

———————

Robber: *enters*

Kate, with a clipboard: Name?

Robber: My name's Rob, I'm here to rob you.

Kate: Sorry, I don't have you on our list.

———————

Robber: *saws a hole in the wall*

Helena: What are you doing?

Robber: Robbing you.

Helena: You know the door's unlocked, right? I swear, it's like people don't even try nowadays.

———————

Robber: *unplugging the XBox*

Luke: Best Buy is just down the road.

Robber: ...You're Luke Fox.

Luke: Yes I am.

Robber: Champion MMA fighter Luke Fox.

Luke, rolling up his sleeves: Always nice to meet a fan.

———————

Robber: *ransacking the place*

Bette: Who hurt you?

Robber: What?

Bette: This isn't a healthy coping mechanism. Talk to me. I'm here for you.

Robber, breaking down: It all started when I was little...

———————

Robber: *sneaks in*

Alfred: Not on my watch.

Alfred: *drags them out by the ear*

Robber: Ow, ow, ow.

———————

Robber: *smashes the window*

Selina: Pfft, amateur. Let me show you how it's done.

———————

Robber: *steals the computer*

Bruce: *reading the newspaper*

Robber: *takes valuable jewelry*

Bruce: *still reading*

Robber: *lightly bumps into one of the batkids*

Robber: *turns around*

Bruce: *suddenly appears with the bat-glare*

Robber: I'm just gonna—

Robber: *gets instantly knocked out*