#its so sad it hurts me physically
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"Like Old Times"
As she smiled, it quickly faded into somberness when she realized that what they once shared, "Like old times," was now merely a memory.
#linzin#lin beifong#tenzin#I am starting my week with some linzin feels#its so sad it hurts me physically#i just want to give her a big hug#avatar the legend of korra#lok#monday feels
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from @/elfbotanist on twitter who is posting from trick's bluesky; they elaborated a bit on exactly what the intention of the solavellan ending is
#honestly#this is a lot more sad than i originally interpreted it#i was like oh they can leave if he confronts his regrets like rook did#but it doesnt seem like that is the case?#maybe it is a possibility but he has to stay there to study the blight that is also trapped there?#honestly i love this ending the more i sit with it#but the more i sit with it also the more it hurts#i was expecting him to die and i was really prepared for that#but this is tragic in a way i wasnt expecting and its got me so fucked up#its beautifully poetic#the trickster god who freed slaves and trapped tyrants allowing himself to be trapped#to make up for everything he has done#for him to return to the fade after being forced into the physical world#for him to follow mythal into the physical only for his mortal lover to follow him back into the fade so he wouldn't have to be alone#lavellan giving up her life for this makes me sob#i love her i love this its so fucking bittersweet i could die#and with what tay said about a dalish keeper's role being to guard everyone from the dreadwolf#thats exactly what shes doing but because she loves him she is helping hold him accountable#i genuinely cannot stop sobbing this is so insane#i cant believe they managed to absolutely bamboozle me like this because i did not expect something so tragic#well played trick weekes.....#solavellan#solas#veilguard spoilers#dragon age the veilguard spoilers#da:v spoilers#dav spoilers
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it's you!
#my art#resident evil#leon scott kennedy#i keep seeing pics of 2leon next to 4leon and it kills me .#his eyes being so dull in 4r in comparison to how they are in 2r....#hes so much more tired looking ....... ouh#i could genuinely write so much abt how his change in physical appearance hurts me . i think about it so much it hurts me#its just like..... if you start from 2r and then work your way up he just genuinely gets so much more tired looking .........#and while he hasnt ever been like BEEFY beefy seeing how lean he is in smth like vendetta is like. it just hurts idk#but then you get to around death island and he's very.. playfully silly. i dont know how to describe the difference between him being silly#in vendetta vs in di but like. hes just SILLY in di. do you understand what i mean ..#his eyes are brighter. he's put muscle back on. he's silly. he seems happier.#especially in comparison to vendetta.. vendetta leon is genuinely so sad to me if i think abt him for too long i start crying LMFAO#anyway i've written enough . i need to stop. thank you for looking at this and for potentially reading all of this
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I found this to be such a random comment until I realised it was Balgeum saying it and it suddenly felt so heavy
#his money trauma runs so deep he cant see how his behaviour hurts inho much more than any money issues could#or maybe he does and its just that bad that he cant physically stop himself#when he told inho to go back i was like my man he cant keep coming back until you have enough money to feel secure#if you dont deal with this now that insecurity is gonna run for the rest of your life and even if you do have money youll always worry abou#losing them and not be able to enjoy the comfort that comes with them#and youre always going to base your feeling of self worth on them#and your happiness and everything valuable in your life would be so easy to destroy#itd crumble#i want him to see the truth so bad it hurts me watching him go through it#im happy he was at least honest with inho#thats a step#hes gonna have to take a lot of small ones too#all of these hurt boys ugh#its such a pretty show and the comedy is fun and the acting is top notch that it makes me ignore how much sadness there actually is in ever#episode#and i recommend it as a light watch because they mix the sweet and the sour so well#but i feel for all of these characters#including hyejin lol#boys be brave
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oh the simple release of just crying
#shutup sensitive#hurts but it feels so fucking good#im so blue today sage#just feel lonesome and back into the workplace and just that time feels like its moving in slow motion#i miss having late nights up with my lover but we’re keeping me on a sleep schedule now so i cant do that beyond weekends#i miss it i miss all the time we had with one another#i want to be held by him right now but i just have me#stupid work#i want more tears#give me physical proof of my sadness neow!
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🌻 ₊˚⊹ ࿔ 🌳
#the weather is so lovely today. it’s breezy and cool but the sun is warm so it’s not too cold or too hot out.#i wish it was like this forever.#ive been feeling so tired lately. physically n mentally & idk if its an underlying health issue or bc i haven’t been sleeping super well#the past few days i wake up in the middle of the night but im able to go back to sleep fairly quickly. but i STILL feel exhausted.#im supposed to talk about my lab results w my doc tmrw on the phone so. i hope everything is okay but tbh i wouldn’t be surprised if#something wasn’t optimal. my iron was okay last time i checked it though. sigh i just idefk anymore.#im sick of everything. im irritable for no reason. i don’t wanna do anything. like anything. i just want to rot in my bed#and even my interests are slowly slipping away from me. writing? couldn’t care less if i don’t write anything for the rest of the year tbh.#reading? i couldn’t even care to browse the shelves when we went to the bookstore the other day and it scared the shit out of me#kpop? meh.#i have a massive to do list and uni starts in a month and i have no energy. + dealing with my own brain and nonsensical thoughts on top#of that. overthinking anxiety all that super great stuff.#im also sick of putting in 110% into my relationships and getting half of it back. family friends whoever. and it makes me so sad. +#i feel like nobody even understands me. or even tries to or wants to.#im just tired#sick and tiredddddd#actually a bit sick too my throat hurts#anyways whatever#it’ll be fine i guess#i don’t want to give up but i don’t have any desire to push through im sort of just. floating. ill deal with it when i deal with it#♡ dear diary…
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🎤
a song that i associate with my muse meme!
AHH, hello, chrome!! thank you for the ask (: i appreciate you guys sending these in SOOO much, tbh, but allow me to introduce y'all to a new BANGER that is kind of sad and yet... i think it captures one part of blamore's character that i haven't really talked about before (an explanation as to why i associate this song with my muse will be in the tags):
sade - is it a crime.
youtube
#IT WAS PROBABLY NOTHING BUT IT FELT LIKE THE WORLD: musings.#I SUBMIT MY SOUL TO THE DISASTER OF LOVING YOU: playlist.#yeah - so beyond sade being an AMAZING singer i also chose this song in particular because it just... reminds me a LOT of the situation-#that blamore's character went through / is going through with his ex bf erich though OFC the pronouns in the song are different.#i just think that the lyrics in particular 'is it a crime that i still want you? and i want you to want me too? ... surely you want me back#- are just JSJSJ its very sad but it really does a good job of describing how it feels after everything it went through regarding-#erich who unbeknowst to blamore still loves him even though things became SO much more complicated when he came back from-#death the way he is now as i understand both points of view in the situation TBH (with blamore being hurt by the idea that erich didn't-#accept it the way it is now & erich being somewhat horrified by what had happened to blamore + wanting to reverse the process somehow)#but GAHHH. blamore really hasn't seen him ever since this has happened bc it physically hurts it to think about erich because he-#still holds a lot of affection for him but again its hurt and so its complicated. but i hope y'all enjoy the song as much as i did-#because i adore pretty much all of sade's music okok <3
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there is really something cruel and strange and fucked up about switching between thinking youre the center of the universe and thinking youre completely invisible 50 fuckin times a day. like do you have a god complex or an inferiority complex make up your mind
#the mental illness strikes again#yeah its that and like this crippling lonliness that has had me in a chokehold#pov you open the same 3 apps over and over again on repeat all day trying to see if anyone has messaged you or interacted with you at all#then you realize oh wait yeah. they all have lives and you dont. yeah that explains it#then you self loathe and pity for a bit and repeat the cycle#mad pathetic#and on top of that youre too fuckin sensitive so you take it all personal#even stupid jokes. yeah that stupid joke it hurt my feelings and for no reason at all#im not even really sad right now its just. so painfully frustrating that this has to be the normal for me#no matter how many times i seek help for it i get blown off#not to mention im *still* fucked up over not being able to go to the one person i relied on to help me when i was mentally unwell#though ive tried#but bringing up being mentally unwell gets me a sad face emoticon at best#and bringing up being physically unwell and that ive had to go to multiple doctors over the past few months is just. completely ignored#oh well#i am completely over that person but that doesnt mean getting ignored doesnt fucking hurt#anyways
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That scene from A Tale of Two Stars, from Stan's perspective.
#I imagine its pretty darn scary having your carer/ grunkle beaten up by this random dude from a portal that your grunkle liked#also the 'you didn't tell me you had kids down here' bit Ford looks so guilty like#like he knew he just full on attacked this man - which in his mind is morally fine - but in front of kids? that's where ford draws the line#and stan just looks really sad when he looks at scared Mable#also the r-i-n-g bit is the tinitus caused by Stan's ears slamming into the ground/ dislodging his hearing aid ( and totally#not me deciding that adding the goofy (but still scary) dialogue because it would ruin the tone and also because I hate writing in bubbles#also you all know I had to add the bloodied nose from the story boards what sort of person would I be if I didn't? ;>#when they tell the story it certainly affected Mable but I imagine Stan's joy at seeing his brother being reciprocated by a punch really#imprinted on her I think#she's not scared of loosing dipper until she sees the grunkle she trusts (enough to potentially doom the world as of the last episode)#be so so wrong about his brother - when you see a grown up getting betrayed or being wrong it really impacts a child y'know? so yeah#but I love ford being so caring about children even when he hates his brother and wants nothing more than to slam him repeatedly into a wal#he sees children and immediately changes his attitude#is that because of his parents do you think? did he and stan see or experience physical abuse? is that why he cares so much about these#children not seeing their grunkle getting hurt? Did he see his mother hurt or stan? we all know Filbrick wasn't the best dad ever so...#because as much as stan and ford are jerks to each other they care about Mable and dipper from the moment they saw them and that's just ...#I love them#also I am so surprised by how easily they accept ford into the conversation like I get it for narrative purposes but#someone just attacked your boss/dad or your grunkle/grandpa and even if there were just massive secrets revealed and its like a celebrity (#aka the author) he still punched your boss/dad/grunkle in the face and pinned him to the floor#did no one want to stop that or...#but for real I love how quickly Mable is like 'hey this guys odd and I love his fingers “a full finger friendlier than normal” my heart#anyway I had to draw it so I did#your welcome!#lol#grunkle stan#grunkle ford#dipper pines#mable pines#stanley pines
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with no exaggeration being hyper empathetic is one of the worst things to happen to me
#yes its 2 am just let me ramble#I hate it so much#thinking about people I don’t know and relatives I’ll never meet being sad feels like being stabbed#like it physically hurts to think about#and when my friend goes through a hard time I will get extremely depressed and anxious#and it’s not just people I’m close with it’s Everyone#if some random person in a YouTube comment section says they are sad then I Am Sad now#empathy is supposed to be some beautiful thing but it’s making me depressed#and I can’t just tell myself that I’ll never meet these people or whatever because then I feel like I’m not doing enough#I know that crying over the fact that a relative I’ve never met had mental problems decades ago#isnt going to help in any way#but if I don’t care I’m a terrible person#the one time I put myself first I felt horrible about it#everything is my fault and my responsibility to fix and everyone’s pain is my pain and uuuuuuuughh#it’s never about me even when my mental health is in shambles#I need to make sure everyone else is ok or else I won’t be#and when I can’t fix things for people I feel the worst sense of dread you can imagine#can’t put words to it. it feels like I’m dying. everything is hopeless and I’m in pain and can’t stop crying and blah blah blah#and then I feel guilty because it’s not my problem why am I so upset? I’m just making everything about myself I have no reason to be crying#which makes me cry harder#aaaaaaiiim so tired ill be ok in the morning probably
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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍
#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around#pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable#my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters#no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time#gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt#but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years#and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again#but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and#others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard#it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl#bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either#and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for#but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own#bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me#but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form#and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind#and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will#and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing#and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense#its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out#and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up#and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain#its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit#and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after#or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life#i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever#and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it#and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel#thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable
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Do u ever think abt where al (and talon too neow?) will go when u find ur person irl? Ykwim? like do u think we'd forget them / drop / git bored of our lil oc guys (of al's nature)? it feels sad!!! like a real loss 2 me. is it weird to be attached to them like they r real? HMM.
i hope ur doing well btw wit all da things ur goin thru. wishin u the best, peace and stability to u, bruther <3
dis is so scary i was just talking to a friend about something adjacent to this...
putting under read more solely because it feels weird to have some of the stuff im gonna mention just out in the open loll ^_^ ^_^
so! I kind of already experienced something like this last year, when i found myself um...in a situation like one you described...
I put al up on the shelf for a bit then picked him back up a few months later for much needed comfort among lots of confusion... I look at this Now as maybe being because, well. things started going south at that time and i needed Al again... + that makes sense! but i also have a friend who's in a long term relationship who still has thier own array of characters in their brain to lean on for comfort (though they aren't ocs)
I understand what you mean though... I'm attached to them like they're real. and neither outcome sounds good to me...!
like if the case is just that The Best Fit For Me, My Partner, really will make me forget about them, that makes me sad!!! Al has been in my life for such a long time. in those few short months of my situation where things were nice, I didn't have much to draw...! I don't know what I would draw if it wasn't my little comforts...! My yearning... It felt really weird even if i was happy for a little bit... it felt weird that he was just Gone.
BUT if the case is that i find a partner that's a good fit for me and i DONT forget about Al (and talon)...then that's also kinda sad...! Sad that I still need additional fantasy comfort that can never be real... because the little guys in my brain are like their own people... sad that there's nothing on earth close enough in the same way that everyone you date can have their own qualities you'll miss because theyre their own person, except they'll always just be in my brain and never in my arms etc etc... it is sad.... sometimes i just get emotional over having created em at all because all the outcomes are so sad to me......
#skunk mail#Anonymous#long post#long ask#like argh i cant believe it.#you bring me so much comfort and sanity but remembering you dont exist hurts so bad.#i wish i could be happy with just you in my brain but i need to physically hold somebody but nobody will ever be you...!#and you will never be real but i love you so muck...#id be worse off if you never existed but you're never going to leave... and nothing will ever compare...augh#and if u do leave thats also sad !#and idkkkk i know it sounds so cringe. like obvs its romanticized idealized#but i already experienced the real thing once#my friend is experiencing the real thing now#and we still needed/need that supplemental love that isnt real...ugh#ykwim? so this isnt even just ''fictional character better because Easier and No Struggle''#bc even in my fantasies there's conflict or ups and downs or just boring days...domestic things#wahh#i wouldnt even be happy being like the cockroach wife guy. i cant be happy if i dont have anyone to physically tangibly share a life with.#ive really just screwed myself over with my copium#BUT like it also makes sense??? one person cant be your everything you still have friends that fill different roles in your life#but idk. its still hard bc the ppl in my brain do fulfill different needed roles but arent real
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watching playthrough of Amphipolis and Brasidas’ death for.... research....reasons....and whoever played this had Alexios and Brasidas at odds with each other. Arguing about loyalty before the battle. I cannot see this as them not just fighting about loyalty to Sparta, but some slight between each other. I want to shove them in a room and give them the time to talk things out.
#When Alexios asks to prove his loyalty he has this look of desperation#and my smut brain engaged. Like no Adrian this is not the time. This is a TRAGEDY. Alexios can't just fix this by [REDACTED]#I thought we were friends? Yeah uh they are more than friends.#ONE OF THE OPTIONS IS TO SAY I AM LOYAL TO YOU instead of I am loyal to Sparta.#I don't think I've ever had this option WHAT#I AM HEARTBROKEN. MY STOMACH PHYSICALLY HURTS. I MIGHT PUKE.#also wearing the ares armor? I see we are pregaming for the post-death rage that overtakes Alexios#I always have Alexios put on that armor and just cut across Greece.#then I get sad and think this is not what Brasidas would have wanted so I restart the game. Again.#I can only finish the game as Kassandra. I become far too hopeless with Alexios. There is too much grief.#a bad day for athens a glorious day for sparta? BOY ARE YOU WRONG#its a bad day my friend#you want war? no deimos I want you to go to therapy.#I take everything so personally? Yeah I'll show you personally.#deimos my beloved#Shut the everliving fuck up#I wish they made it a possibility to choose whether to chase Kleon or to return to Brasidas side.#I wish they had made a choice where you kidnap Brasidas and he kicks and screams but lives.#you can hate me all you want my love but you will not die today#Sparta does not deserve your loyalty#ok sorry but I just had a lot of feelings for the 10000th time
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(preface: im the most sensitive bastard you'll ever meet)
if you haven't cried your eyes out while listening to the 'four out of five' outro with your headphones on full volume in the car during a long drive at night YOU JUST HAVENT EXPERIENCED WHAT IT MEANS TO BE ALIVE OKAY
#no seriously that outro just- it feels like an ache in my chest#because its just so fecking incredible to the point where it physically hurts 😭#its not even like- sad. like i dont cry at sad songs. i cry when songs just sound too good#idk i think some of my wires might be a bit crossed when it comes to audio processing#ANYWAY IM RAMBLING#FIRST OF ALL TELL ME WHY:#the four out of five outro brings a tear to my eye#IS ALREADY A TAG OF MINE??#maybe its just my sheer infatuiation with tbh+c and that whole undercurrent of grief because like- its meerly a creative projection#maybe they injected pure morphine into the outro I DONT FECKING KNOW#it just- it hits. alot. too much you might say.#counting myself as a lucky bastard for getting to hear it live 🙏#four out of five#tbh+c#tranquility base hotel and casino#alex turner#arctic monkeys
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#shutup sensitive#like i feel the need to feel physical but i cant leave my bed and im not#i cant do any of that rn except something light like itingbay myself but ??? idk what THAT is i should just obliterate my brain with thc? y#yes yes#im so#weak hahaha how do j be more destructive wo killing myself or hurting my loved ones#how do i hurt me without hurting me toooo much yknow#ding ding ding! take away your emotions with the grass#putting down the keyboard and picking up the lighter#delete later#ive been so good for so long#i can keep being good#so i will bc everyone knows its normal for me to be high but im gonna smoke soooo much#im gonna forget i was sad
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I've been having a very strange predicament recently and I think. I think this might entirely kill any hope I had at learning any emotional regulation skills
#gamer txt.#cause cause like. im only confident (and sober) when im anger right so i neber ever stand up for myself and tell the truth otherwise#and yknow. generally this makes me pretty sad#being a people pleaser out of fear especially one too depressed to Actually people please atm is uh. hard to say the least#cause i just do nothing and either hope no one cares or tgat im sufficiently pathetic ebough that theyll back off if they get mad#and neither of those options have been going well for ne currently. so theconstant fear level is increaased#but. but but but if i get angry if someone pisses me off enough i get my confidence#i stop letting ppl walk all over me i stand up for myself i say aaaaaall the things ive veen holding back for so long#and it feels. so. good.#it feels amazing! its a delightful feeling finally being able to snap at everyone its great#but uh. now ive started getting really happy when i get angry even when im not doing anything cathartic#the anger by itself with no actions feels fantastic#and well like there is a reason i tend to try not to get angry#i can get. unnecessary and im too much of a grudge holder and a hardass to apologise after#but when its actual proper rage coupled with a childlike glee? thats. a bit worrying#im already always seconds away from assaulting people even when im normal#if im angry + joyous thats really concerning. like 'i might actually physically really hurt a person' concerning#and ive kind of pavlovd myself into getting happy when im mad! so. its a bit of an issue#but at the same time. there is. admittedly a very large part of me that likes that soooo much#and i keep having to be like a real honest to g-d physical aggravated assault or potentially worse is not a good thing#oh. oh but dont i deserve it? do i not deserve to beat the people i hate to near death? i think i deserve it#so you see the issue!!!!! what the fuck am i meant to do here!!!!!!#i cant trust myself not to hurt people when im angry but im only happy nowadays when im angry#and i Really dont want to continue being miserable
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