#i will try to go to sleep now
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cybercritterinyourcomputer · 4 months ago
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writing this on a whim because my brain is torturing me about it for some reason and i figured what better place to go than tumblr [this is somewhat sarcasm]. i do not particularly know why i am writing/asking this but im chucking it out there to ease the thoughts so i can go to sleep
to any systems or whatever or really anyone reading who found this through the tags i put here, how did you know you were a system. or plural or how did you start questioning it how did you figure it out. bear with me its past 2 am my writing is atrocious . how did you know if you never knew before?
i dont think im plural, but something wormed its way into my brain today or yesterday and i dont know why or when and and its not the first time this has popped into my brain i think. the thought of what if what if what if but im me. its my me it there its me its my thoughts and there is no other people in my brain just me myself and i. its not quiet it never is but it is just me
i think a clearer question i want to ask is: how can you tell if something is just dpdr[because i fear i may have that, unfortunately it is very likely] or this? this as in osdd or did or whatever
it would appear simple but unfortunately for a lot of my life my sense of self has been so broken and so messy because. fuck all everything happening i guess but its just me, truly. i talk to myself, i draw different versions of myself together, i split myself into many parts to cope with things, to highlight the different parts of me, variants. the wolf, the puppy, the robot, the hermit, the hollow, the dragon, and whatever the Me is i dont know who or what i am when im so many things and nothing at the same time. i didnt completely think about this but also how heavily i relate to certain characters in media but this may just be a nonhuman thing. i see so much of myself in certain characters and so much of them in me sometimes to the point where i dont know where i start and they end. but again i think that is just a nonhuman thing or a coping thing. because its still just me here
where does the age regression and nonhumanity start and where does it end when i rely on my creations of myself to keep me afloat. i only talk to myself through thinking and drawing, i dont talk to anybody else in my head, its all me. and unfortunately theres a pattern where i learn of something and i think about it and i go, "oh, no, no no, that is absolutely not me, never would dream of it! even thinking that i could be that is a crime to all the ones that truly have that!" and then it ends up being too true. the depression, the adhd, the age regression, the therianthropy, the hard denial of abuse, the hard denial of possible autism. my friends speculate i have ptsd or cptsd. i dont want to go down that line of thinking with this, i *know* i dont have it, but the fear
its annoying because ive never really been here present in my body im never really here and the horrors dont end and theres always been something wrong with me but i know its other things. i wont share the details, but the situation ive been in the past 8? months has been horrible horrid no good on my brain i hate being awake. and it feels like someone else took the reins but im still feeling the hurt i still have the memories but they dont feel like mine. my memories have never felt like my own but theyre mine and i have to write everything down or i will forget. i go to work i listen to family shit on me i go to work i do something all day but its not me im still in my room playing a game in my pjs but that was almost a year ago but im still there but i went to work but it wasnt me
because my mind is empty, its just me. it really truly is just me. i think im just lonely. and hoping someone could take me away from everything im always going through or for someone to be there. in my head
there was never anything to make me think this before, a couple times i have but years ago, for no reason, im quite sure its just me. i had imaginary friends as a kid which is normal for kids. i still kind of do but its just me talking to me, im saying two things. i think i just have a lot of possible trauma[i dont believe im traumatized but my friends are quite firm that my entire life has been a shitshow since i was born] and a lot of coping mechanisms plus the fact that i have to pretend for my family and me being trans and me being nonhuman and me so its mostly just that
i dont really know what exactly im even asking. i think im just throwing out a bone and praying for someone to go "yeah dude thats normal youre fine, youre normal" and for my brain to stop ruminating and its annoying. or for someone to ease my curiosity and fear and dread. im throwing out a bone, im begging for someone to glance my way, im begging for someone to tell me its okay. not the begging to be okay but to say that my brain is okay and that my life is okay
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bacchuschucklefuck · 3 months ago
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typical tavern scene
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turtleblogatlast · 11 months ago
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AU where Leo is trapped in the Prison Dimension for months instead of minutes and the only way he gets by with his sanity intact is through recording himself talking to his wrist comm.
When they finally manage to get Leo back and make him rest up to heal, Donnie can’t help but listen to the recordings left behind.
He’s not sure what exactly he’s expecting, only that his subconscious is screaming at him that it has to be heartbreaking, that it has to be torturous.
Instead, what Donnie is subject to is a full thousand hours’ worth of Jupiter Jim and Lou Jitsu crossover fanfiction. More than one part in the series. Spanning well over a million words.
(The worst part is that it’s actually good.)
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt headcanons#donnie keeps the comms going on in the background as he works#when he gets to the end he’s like what the hell…where’s the rest#donnie: leo where’s part nine#leo barely cognizant after not needing sleep for months: whuh-#donnie: you can’t leave it at a cliffhanger. leo. leo where’s the next part.#listen leo has a great memory for his special interests this is CANON plus he’s a great talker so he would totally be able to do this frfr#whenever he needs to be quiet he’s SILENT but otherwise he’s regaling the exploits of his idols to the captive audience that is The Photo#sometimes Krang sneaks up on him and just listens to him talk like ????#it starts both as leo trying to comfort himself with his favorite things PLUS comfort himself with thoughts of his father#as splinter makes his own crossover fanfiction when sick lol plus he’s Literally Lou Jitsu#and yes krang ALSO gets a bit invested#leo notices the reduction of Ouch but hey more time for rambling fanfic for him 👍#idk leo’s a damn good actor/liar/planner/schemer and I genuinely think that can pivot into storytelling so well#the literal second mikey’s hands heal donnie zooms to his side with hand stabilizers and a request to draw ‘scene 82 from recording 3’#mikey’s like what#so obvs now HE needs to listen as he works#he too gets invested#he comes across raph who mentions having trouble sleeping#mikey: have I got the podcast fanfic for you!#it only somewhat helps raph sleep#somewhat bc sometimes he forces himself to stay awake to hear the rest#yes these recordings go to the whole fam and leo is none the wiser#they don’t even mean to hide it it just never comes up lol#it’s only when donnie FINALLY makes it to the end of the recordings that he confronts leo to continue the story#leo: oH YOU HEARD ALL THAT HUH-
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ef-1 · 5 months ago
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look at the state of sport journalism dawg, he sucked on a lollypop with steeliness and determination??? oozing mental fortitude??? Autosport it's time to open up the schools
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temeyes · 5 months ago
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my cold's fucking me up, so just some quick lads for tonight
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soullessseraphim · 5 months ago
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they're spying in town 👀👀👀
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sollucets · 3 months ago
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aninpin + hands
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0ann3 · 9 months ago
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I saw the tsum tsum stack or whatever it is that they did, and my heart just went AAAAAAHHHH-
It's so cute and then I thought of drawing this ToT
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Did it as fast as I can since I still gotta study for something-
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izuke-the-zombie · 1 year ago
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This is a little head cannon/What if Macaque had more original powers, a little more Starry Night dreamlike powers leaning into the more nurturing kind, you know, the moon and sun kind of powers? 🌙☀️
 
Maybe in the past, he was like a therapy friend to Wukong, someone he could really be himself with, vent, and tell his secrets without being judged in the safety of his own dreams. Someone he can truly trust, and that was Macaque.
Skip to Redemption Ark for Mac
Now he's a therapy friend to the whole MK team! (Against his will) They cuddle, pet, and vent to him with their problems. He's like one of Sandy's therapy cats, just bigger and grumpier.😾💕✨ he just has this way with people I guess
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Okay, this is how it starts: Macaque and Wukong's first encounter was in a dream.
Wukong would not shut up about the pretty demon in his crazy dreams, often to his sworn brothers; he talked about all the fun and crazy adventures he'd have, the long meaningful conversations and jokes, and the occasionally moving pictures of otherworldly strong magical humans with sparkly eyes and spiky hair who wield giant weapons that shoots Fire called anime, and that this had been going on for a few months now.
This annoyed and concerned them; they think it's a demon trying to take over the Monkey King's mind or trying to brainwash him somehow, so Azure Lion and the Sworn Brothers all brainstormed together to devise a plan to somehow confront this tricky dream demon. Wukong doesn't want the fun dreams to end or scare off this other celestial monkey, so he decides to talk to his friend in his dreams. Wukong casually brings up the idea that the macaque should visit Flower Fruit and meet his sworn brothers! Macaque of course hesitates, not sure of the idea of traveling to an unknown island and meeting The Monkey King's questionable choice of sworn brothers, but of course, Wukong, sad and a bit offended, but he doesn't give up.
He decides to bring upon the Ultimate Weapon, begging and whining until Macaque crumbles and gives in, which eventually does. Mac reluctantly agrees to travel over to FFM in disguise, just to be safe he tells Wukong he'll be there. Within a month, Wukong couldn't be more excited; he was like a little kid waiting for Christmas day!
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So this is what kinds of powers I think he should have.
😴 the first pic is crossing over to other people's dreams and making their experience life-like he has illusion magic so this makes sense to me. Wukong and macaque would prank the Brotherhood or play tags and hide and seek in their brother's dreams. 🌸The second pic is the soothing ability to calm one's nerves if they pet or cuddle him like a therapy cat,🐈 Wukong would groom him for hours to calm his nerves. now come copes with food🍑🍔🍭
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🌸🎶I saved the best one for last the cute/sad little head Cannon I have
At the end of every dream Mac visits they would end it by dancing to music Mac would bring from the future laughing and stumbling while wukong slowly wakes up, wukong has always gone to bed early But now he goes even earlier to bed. Wukong always thought he was the luckiest monkey in the world he gets to have two Adventure and one of them is with his prettiest best friend Macaque 😚✨the monkey of his dreams.
🌸 Wukong couldn't truly dream of a world without his bestest friend🥰✨
#monkie kid#lego monkie kid#lmk#sun wukong#six eared macaque#doodle#monkey king#macaque#shadowpeach#third idea of power: creating little stars out of his hands that float around like for his shadow play or a night light for the baby monkey#cute right!?#originally I was going to write a short fanfic about Wukong having nightmares and not being able to sleep because of that Mac notices#and decides to visit Wukong in his dreams#Hong Kong wakes up in his dream within a dream to a beautiful breathtaking flower field and seeing the beautiful sky it looks super Galaxy#and Mac just pops up out of nowhere and tries to start up a conversation#at first he's like cocky and stuff and then he gets little awkward#fumbling with his words and he gets a little bit more flustered wukong is like super confused and surprise to see him here#Mac gives up on trying to talk and just attacks wukong after a while we'll come figures out he's just play fighting they pretty much#just play tag and wukong slowly he gets into it but Mac starts cheating a little bit and this Riles up The Monkey King and they're just#having a blast now and at the end of it they start talking eating a few peaches just joking around it's awkward but it's nice wukongs#grooming him and he's just feeling a whole lot better Mac wants to know what's bothering him but he feels like can wait until Monkey King#Monkey King is ready for that macaque gets up extensive hand to Wukong they try to dance#and they're both terribly out of practice they keep going until they're tumbling and laughing and will come slowly gets up#with a smile on the face and super well-rested all thanks to macaque the monkey of his dreams#seriously if anybody wants to make a fanfic about this you have my full permission I don't know I think you guys can do way better than me😫
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absolute-ferret · 2 months ago
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You can have more textposts , as a treat
First one is a reference to @interstyx 's fic, Here, Be nice
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(Sorry i just ADORE their fic . Dies)
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ink--theory · 9 months ago
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coming back home after going through unimaginable hell the squeakuel
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xxplastic-cubexx · 20 days ago
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If you were to like redesign Magneto's classic outfit in a way that both suits the character and your own tastes, how would you redesign it?
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uhhhh errrmmmmm i dont know i really couldnt improve upon perfection but i have still tried for you my friend !!!
#xmen#xmen comics#magneto#erik lehnsherr#max eisenhardt#erik magnus lensherr#like ig fc erik there too but only if you squint Generally Speaking this aint about him#snap sketches#i thought this was gonna be a quick thing but then As I Do i sat and thought about it for too long#and for what. my end result isn't that different from the beginning !! tragic .#out of these i think. it MAY be obvious i like the far right one#once i remembered I Do In Fact love megaman i locked in cause everytime i draw Classic Magneto all i think of is megaman#cant even make a magnetman joke that mfer already exists and he from my FAVORITE classic megaman title tyvm#anyway. should i explain my reasoning now. man i guess i can try#i couldnt tho is the thing- at least for the first set i really was just ickin around and seeing what i Might like#evidently it was nothing LMAO i told yall i cant improve perfection ... so i just. Smash Bros'd his classic look#With some tearing on the cape cause i said so ............#at most- with the furthermost right bit- i just wanted to emphasize a feeling of 'power' hence the chunkier boots + gloves#with the first look i tried that angle with showing some arm skin buuuuttt i dont like it ...#i think the sleeveless look really only works if the outfit's black idk i cant explain it#overall the first design i tried just feels too sleek for my liking if i wanted to go for a 'power' approach#i like the 'M' i did with the legs at least. i really wanted to incorporate an M in case it wasnt clear but alas ...#tbh i might steal the boots/gloves/underwear design from myself when i draw classic magneto regularly. SHRUG we'll see#as for now i am very sleepy and i have class in the morning and i want to do some work Before Class#very cool but very sad i dont have my third class today :( its my fave class :( at least i get more time to work#and the more work i get done the more time i get to draw the sillies !!! epic ...#anyways. good night everyone !!!!!!! talk to yall tomorrow ..... probably ... or later ig technically... i should sleep earlier <- wont
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wishfulsketching · 1 year ago
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I won a battle against art and anatomy, so I decided to doodle something real quickly as a treat!
Show gives me props to use to make cute little moments? Yes please and thank you.
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yaoisquidbob · 2 months ago
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awkward hugging
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snufkins-boot · 1 year ago
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Dc x dp idea: time travel yaaaay
Danny, Sam and Tucker get back from fixing some errors in the time line in France just before the French Revolution.
And sure Danny got mistaken for a French aristocrat that had died the day before they got there but it wasn’t to bad, it only made their jobs easier. It won’t be a problem for them.
Meanwhile Constantine, Batman and whoever the fuck else (imma say Hal, I love that green bitch) are exploring an abandoned manor in France after there being reports of strange, violent activity, and with their latest teammate Phantom not picking up their calls Constantine had to pull these two with him instead.
“Hey guys, Phantom’s a ghost, right?”
Hal sounds hesitant as Constantine replies
“Yes, why?”
“I think I found a picture of him living.”
and there on the wall is a picture of a long dead french aristocrat, with black hair and blue eyes but every other detail the same as Phantom’s
There on the wall sits a photo of Daniel Nightingale, a teenager who was possessed by a demon and killed two servants, then himself.
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luna-loveboop · 1 month ago
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Linktober day twelve- favourite game
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Skyward sword! My favourite game forever :)) The duets with Fi are by far my favourite gameplay aspect and recurring scenes in the game.
The music is The Ballad of the Goddess with Link's harp accompaniment. I played through on three different instruments like fifteen times, and checked every note on ocarina before I carved it. So. It's very accurate. Close ups of the music +my reference because yes
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Also I replaced the treble clef with the triforce
:)
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