#ill probably forget about it

[cybercritterinyourcomputer]

writing this on a whim because my brain is torturing me about it for some reason and i figured what better place to go than tumblr [this is somewhat sarcasm]. i do not particularly know why i am writing/asking this but im chucking it out there to ease the thoughts so i can go to sleep

to any systems or whatever or really anyone reading who found this through the tags i put here, how did you know you were a system. or plural or how did you start questioning it how did you figure it out. bear with me its past 2 am my writing is atrocious . how did you know if you never knew before?

i dont think im plural, but something wormed its way into my brain today or yesterday and i dont know why or when and and its not the first time this has popped into my brain i think. the thought of what if what if what if but im me. its my me it there its me its my thoughts and there is no other people in my brain just me myself and i. its not quiet it never is but it is just me

i think a clearer question i want to ask is: how can you tell if something is just dpdr[because i fear i may have that, unfortunately it is very likely] or this? this as in osdd or did or whatever

it would appear simple but unfortunately for a lot of my life my sense of self has been so broken and so messy because. fuck all everything happening i guess but its just me, truly. i talk to myself, i draw different versions of myself together, i split myself into many parts to cope with things, to highlight the different parts of me, variants. the wolf, the puppy, the robot, the hermit, the hollow, the dragon, and whatever the Me is i dont know who or what i am when im so many things and nothing at the same time. i didnt completely think about this but also how heavily i relate to certain characters in media but this may just be a nonhuman thing. i see so much of myself in certain characters and so much of them in me sometimes to the point where i dont know where i start and they end. but again i think that is just a nonhuman thing or a coping thing. because its still just me here

where does the age regression and nonhumanity start and where does it end when i rely on my creations of myself to keep me afloat. i only talk to myself through thinking and drawing, i dont talk to anybody else in my head, its all me. and unfortunately theres a pattern where i learn of something and i think about it and i go, "oh, no, no no, that is absolutely not me, never would dream of it! even thinking that i could be that is a crime to all the ones that truly have that!" and then it ends up being too true. the depression, the adhd, the age regression, the therianthropy, the hard denial of abuse, the hard denial of possible autism. my friends speculate i have ptsd or cptsd. i dont want to go down that line of thinking with this, i *know* i dont have it, but the fear

its annoying because ive never really been here present in my body im never really here and the horrors dont end and theres always been something wrong with me but i know its other things. i wont share the details, but the situation ive been in the past 8? months has been horrible horrid no good on my brain i hate being awake. and it feels like someone else took the reins but im still feeling the hurt i still have the memories but they dont feel like mine. my memories have never felt like my own but theyre mine and i have to write everything down or i will forget. i go to work i listen to family shit on me i go to work i do something all day but its not me im still in my room playing a game in my pjs but that was almost a year ago but im still there but i went to work but it wasnt me

because my mind is empty, its just me. it really truly is just me. i think im just lonely. and hoping someone could take me away from everything im always going through or for someone to be there. in my head

there was never anything to make me think this before, a couple times i have but years ago, for no reason, im quite sure its just me. i had imaginary friends as a kid which is normal for kids. i still kind of do but its just me talking to me, im saying two things. i think i just have a lot of possible trauma[i dont believe im traumatized but my friends are quite firm that my entire life has been a shitshow since i was born] and a lot of coping mechanisms plus the fact that i have to pretend for my family and me being trans and me being nonhuman and me so its mostly just that

i dont really know what exactly im even asking. i think im just throwing out a bone and praying for someone to go "yeah dude thats normal youre fine, youre normal" and for my brain to stop ruminating and its annoying. or for someone to ease my curiosity and fear and dread. im throwing out a bone, im begging for someone to glance my way, im begging for someone to tell me its okay. not the begging to be okay but to say that my brain is okay and that my life is okay

[cometshift]

[ID: art of subspace from phighting as a child, walking hand in hand with a tall figure who is meant to represent blackrock's leader. they are both silhouetted in black against a white, snowy background. subspace looks happy.]

and i held your hand through all of these years, but you still have all of me

[foxett]

Holy flip!! Fully colored suntan post?? Decently done grass??? Someone pinch me (day 10 suntan)

[redbean-nom]

fascinated by the implied fennec-ventress-phee friend group in tbb. even more interesting (funny) when you add boba in there during the tbobf era.

[larabar]

now I'm going through the game and imagining Sonic in thise scenarios. he would die again laughing at Knuckles attempting a cowboy accent. I can imagine him trying to use his gHoStLy PoWeRs to stop the bomb. oh god the image of him trying to hit it with a random broom (or smth like that) that was in the safe for some reason while the others aren't looking is now in my head

(also you don't need to get to this immediately. let the older asks go first they deserve it)

PLEASE

[comfortabletextiles]

It's my birthday today!!! I turn 30 years!!! 30!!!

Isn't that cool?? As a little gift to me I'll reblog what ever I want today, I think. One day for funsies 😌

If you want to blacklist, I'll Tag everything as "not fiber" and I'll try to Tag everything with the other appropriate tags!

I'd also like to stab Cesar together, I think that could be fun 😊

[keicordelle]

Thinking about Ryuu's first time on stage. Ryuu, who'd never performed in front of anyone before in his life. Ryuu, who grew up as a fisherman's son in Okinawa, and whose greatest aspiration is to fix his father's boat and send his brothers to university. Ryuu, who wasn't even on a popular sports team playing in front of a crowd before he joined up with TRIGGER.

Ryuu, surrounded by two of the most exacting people he's ever met, up on stage staring out at the people gathered there to see them. TRIGGER. And it doesn't matter if it's a dozen or a hundred or ten thousand, that first time it seems like a million. Two thousand eyes on you, hotter even than the spotlights making him sweat. No matter how you try to prepare yourself for that, you can never really be ready for the reality of that sort of thing.

Do you think he froze up? Got nervous and missed a cue? Tenn stepping in from behind him to make up for it, and he's smiling, because of course he's smiling, he's on stage, but Ryuu can feel how angry he's going to be later. Gaku trying to cover for his fumbled dance moves with a little extra charm, but it makes the weight on Ryuu's shoulders weigh all the more heavily.

He just wanted to fix his father's boat.

Stand on the stage. Sing. Dance. Smile. It sounds so easy.

It will be. Eventually. Easier, at least. Never easy.

[harukapologist]

have a sketch of mido and haruka from yesterday :33333

[woolying]

I LOVE U FANGANS !!! I LOVE U DR OCS !!!

just a few i enjoy <3 yay sooo cool ooough

dr mira : @gooseagain8 drsg : @danganronpasurvivorsguilt dr50th : @okthatsgreat drdw : @sir-sunny

the stupid idiot is mine teehee

[fffrost]

Hey girl- I mean they!

(Panel redraw)

[dreamsy990]

this joke mightve worked better for dream drop distance in retrospect

[nailgunstigmata]

thinking about the fact that young chilchuck used to have freckles and in the genderswap mirror verse he has pigtails….meijack looking so much like her dad while taking after his interests and also having her moms eyes is very important to me. its so cute

[rebellum]

I feel like... Perhaps... Arguing that transphobia is defined by murder and that anything other than murder doesn't even matter... May NOT be conducive to fighting for trans rights.

Like... people want the right to exist as they are. They want to have access to hrt and surgeries and prosthetics. People want access to clothes that fit them and reflect how they want to be seen. People want access to medical care (eg. Getting screened and treated for sex-based forms of cancer can be impossible if you have the "wrong" sex listed to receive those tests). People want to be respected and treated well. People want to not be sexually assaulted and beaten and abused. People want to have access to housing and jobs, and the protection to not lose those things for being trans. People want access to shelters for homeless people or survivors of domestic abuse. People want name changes.

Acting like all of those things don't matter because at least they weren't murderered by an individual (and instead die of suicide or state violence, or survive and suffer) isn't okay.

[asterparfait]

matsoo

[pain-is-too-tired]

Pride month is in a couple weeks chat. And I'm begging for Piper art with queer/unlabeled flags instead of bi/lesbian

I'm on my knees, please please please-

[triglycercule]

something something mtt and branding (i dont know what i can say here but it just feels right. one of them probably has a brand. it's probably killer. erm.........)