#and youll see at like 2 other rides ill talk about working them probably

[rushthehollow]

25 days of coasters / 21. magnum xl-200, cedar point # of rides: 37 / last ridden: fall 2024

a very long overdue addition into my top 25! this ride is an absolute masterpiece; from how it operates with 3 trains, the absolute blast of a ride experience, & the powerful finale. i hadn't felt like i was able to truly appreciate just how good this ride was until i got the chance to work it for my final few months at cedar point. it was completely revolutionary for its time and holds up INCREDIBLY well today.

i've had multiple rides where i'd put it as my second favorite in the park, though that'd really mess up my overall rankings ... but really! it's just so good. i love the jank, the airtime, the music, the theme, the tunnels, and i absolutely loved operating it with 3 trains. the night rides are FANTASTIC, especially when the water park is completely dark ... i love how it's still almost so trapped in the 1980's, yet that doesn't deter it from being one of the best rides overall today.

trimless row 3 is an out of body experience. please give this ride more love because it deserves it & i don't find the experience that painful at all. it's just jank & old which adds so much to the charm!

[lexuslikethecar123]

i cried when i read the draft, im still crying.

sometimes i think about you. i think about seeing you randomly in a grocery store with a child in the shopping cart. i imagined seeing you and wondering how i would react. sometimes i imagine seeing you when you are 80 years old and how we could look back on the lives we spent. i know nothing about your life. i wondered if something happened to you how would i figure it out because no one really knows our friendship. when i feel low i think about you. i think about how you liked drake and how we would go over the songs. I wonder what you do for work. i wonder if you still ride bikes but something tells me you dont. i wonder why i never see you around the city. marcos tells that he sees your car at your girlfriend/probably wife parents house a couple a year ago. theres been times maybe once or twice a year ill call your old number even tho i knew you wasnt going to pick up. i wonder how you function with whatever you are doing w/o social media or maybe i just aren't connected with you. you saw the future of me in the present. you dont understand how angry, defensive, upset i was in life because of the plights i was in but with you i was so calm. sometimes i think that you are the only person who really really really saw me. i regret sometimes what we did to our partners. i always felt so unfulfilled after because what i couldn't get what i wanted and i always knew that. we arent made for each other, a relationship wasn't for us, but you truly are my soulmate. at least  one of them. i believe friends can be soulmates too..

and what i went through when the aneurysm popped in my head. i was pushed back to adolescence, i didnt know English anymore, i even told my team to not call the ambulance but i didnt know the word ambulance so i drew a truck and x’s. after getting into the hospital i was in a short coma where i could hear the nurses and doctors around me talking about their lunch and i could not move my body. i was screaming silently in my mind HELP ME. i practiced counting to 10 and ABC’S because at that time i didnt know in order. at one point i was so tired talking to myself i told myself it was okay to let go and you know what happened? i saw the white light. but sometime after i woke up. after 2 weeks my brain started swelling and i was rushed into a craniotomy surgery where they removed a piece of my skull. after waking up from that i normalized death and drafted my will. i was ready to leave.  i was making joke with my family so they wouldnt be so sad. i spent 5 months without of the piece of my skull. it wouldve been just 4 but the hospital put my bone under a different name. i went through so much pain. laughing, coughing, going to the bathroom, anything that gave pressure broke me. 

knowing how weird i am i would let random, strangers people touch my head. i show them my head under my helmet and they look at me like a monster. i tell them do you want to touch my brain? i bet youll never have another chance ever again because that chance is rare. i was rare. i am rare. the most common reasons why someones aneurysm would pop i only related to 1 out of like 8. aneurysms have a variety of causes including high blood pressure, trauma, heredity, and abnormal blood flow at the junction where arteries come together, older folks, and its more common in women.  

my wealth lasted 8 months. after that i didnt know what to do and didnt get that much help. my boyfriend at the time dumped me but let me stay at his home because he understood i didnt have anything. he didnt want to make it harder for me. he ended up breaking up with me and then expecting to get back with me when i got a bit better, but once i get over someone i am entirely over them. anyway back to the focus, i started an earring business and made $500 in 1 our on facebook live. i was so proud of myself. like come on, i barely knew english and made that money for my bills in a hour. on top of that i saw a flaw in the nich of jewelry making when there wasn't enough Afrocentric culture/pride in jewelry. half i made and the other half i resold. it was kind of alot of work but i did it 7 weeks after getting my skull back. im proud of myself for that but also wished i didnt have to go so hard all the time. at this time i was dealing with alot of side effects. i would forget to turn off the gas stove, i couldnt talk on the phone, i had bad memory, i was so aggressive and didnt even know. you dont know whats happening when you have a brain injury until it always happened. last day of the year i went to the movies with my boyfriend at the time and i lost my wallet. it has over $3,000 to pay my bills for monthssss. it pushed me way over my edge and when that ex went to a club 12/31/18 i knew that was my chance to take all the pills the hospital gave me to escape. i didnt want to live in a word where month would mean so much. i made a video recording and i still watch it from time to time. one day i will show the world. 

when i woke up i started crying. i said if a ruptured brain aneursym couldn’t kill me and if i couldnt kill myself then im suppose to be alive.

i started meditating. smudging palo santo and sage. i get to know me the inside out and i got stronger and stronger. i fucking looked so good bald and i had no idea. i lived in south carolina for a little over a month dog sitting my aunts house and i took that time to heal and move on from my ex. 

right now the side effects I'm dealing with are its hard to pronounce 3 syllable words and i have a central auditory processing disorder, i can hear you but sometimes it takes my brain a long time to understand. i am horrible with Q&As lol. carlos i can walk, talk, drive, can move all my limbs. boy, i am so blessed to be here. its hard when you tell people what you went through and they only respond with ohh my uncle/aunt/mom/sister had that but they passed away or whats that? this made me so negative. i had no one to tell me i would be okay not even my mom.

ever since i got back from south carolina ive been part of a docuseries sharing my story, ive shared my story to many colleges (like 2), conferences (like 1)- you know what. fuck all the things ive been doing i just want you to truly understand how happy i am just communicating with you. the friendship is one of hope. this friendship is a muse. i could write 100 spoken words about it and not one line would be about sex or anything like that. i lost alot of memories carlos like drake lyrics to all movies i watched before the anyersm and there has to be a reason why i never forgot any memory with you my friend. im writing this all so ugly because i want you to read as much as i can write. its 4:11am

I have a business Carlos. i founded it with my partner. his name is Evan Delpeche. its blowing up on a local level. we are going to have a store front this season. we have a 3,000 sq foot warehouse in atlantic mills on manton. 

hes awesome. handsome. hes a leo if that means anything. He makes me feel like im super sensitive. he was born here but found himself in new york. hes done many many amazing things in ny with big brands. sometimes i feel like i dont have enough style for his taste but in order for me to be stylish i need money to buy clothes. like i only get money from disability check and sometimes i get paid from soulita but my focus is all profit to go back in the business, but i know what wont last long not paying myself. i can be selfless. anyway, weve been featured in many magazines in RI. check out September issue of providence monthly. go to ri monthyl and search soulita. go to boston globe and look up my name (its just a pic of my art nothing so big) all of these things im proud of. 

the way we met was perfect and we work hard together. in the beginning i was torn between someone else and i felt like why cant i have choices? i almost fucking died why cant i just enjoy being single but that wasnt me. idk what a one stand night is. i have too many feeling and i love way to deep and i am so fucking romantic. i have 1 tattoo that says “always and all ways” to explain it i say “im going to love you always and all ways, its the unconditional love i show” no matter what happens to a person i love even if they got their arm cut off, cant give me children, cant provide, turns blind or anything a shallow person would run away from, i choose to love all different ways.

talking to you is like talking to myself

im blabbing because you don't judge and its been years dude. years that ive only talked to you in my head. 

I saying random shit just to increase the word count. like this next paragraph 

i love cooking. theres nothing better than someone putting my food in their mouth and smiling because its so good. i study neuroscience. i started to study it because i wanted to understand why and how the aneurysm popped and how i can regain all knowledge i lost. i have a list of my favorite molecules and hormones. i dont like random movies unless im learning something from it so i love documentaries. i dont want to be entertained i want to be educated. I know ill be moving in the new few years to ny with my partner. I want my focus on career wise is to be a motivational speaker and a business women/ entrepreneur. you can find some of my speeches online somewhere. im 23 years old now dude

i love u always my friend

and all ways Carlos

even if that means its cryptic, out of sight, if its in a reality only us live in.

please go to one of my motivational speaker events one day. dress up like joe from You or something and be lowkey lol idk. please try out my products. i have an organic pregnancy's line that you probably one day for Lily. maybe every 1 or 3 or 5 or 10 years we meet at the same spot on the certain day every time and that's can be the only communication. idk. 

all i know is i went through that drafts and never notice the message till now and im so happy for me to discover it on a time i really needed it. 

i know ^ was alot. and all over the please but im not going to say sorry. I wish i could say more. even if its random.

thank you my friend.  that sounded wack lol 

[it-is-ok-i-am-ok]

Wait, why are you getting kicked off social security and state aid? 💕💕

Sorry for the late reply. This story is wild from start to end so hang on for the ride

Long story short, the original problem was that SS has to start counting my boyfriend and I as married, which like….no. They said they have to for two reasons (mostly because of reason one), but I do understand don’t get me wrong.

1. We signed for a timeshare together. 

2. He put me as his beneficiary for his life insurance. 

Now, let me explain. 

I went into the timeshare thing (you know the usual like being shown this shit blah blah blah) being like nope we aint buying. (We had to go through it to get something we won or something which in the end was BS gift) We go into “Signing” room and I’m like nope, nada. But then everything just went…so wrong. Long story short, I’m obviously on disability for a reason ok. (I was granted both physical and mental but I won my case in five minutes because of my mental LOL). People who have mental illnesses, especially borderline personality disorder probably understand me on this one. Condo: I couldn’t get out, as hard as I tried. My boyfriend, he’s obviously my BOYFRIEND not my HUSBAND because he still don’t get it all (like my mum who is my representative in every aspect except the stupid payee which makes it “official”). So he like didn’t understand what he was doing was bad and my ques of like holy shit this needs to stop not like my momma. Finally I was like ok ok ok what the fuck ever but it’s your timeshare I want nothing of this, we break up its yours. Then they come back and say because of his credit he couldn’t. So then here we go I immediately feel guilt (without anyone having to say anything more) and my guilt problems cause me anxiety problems which causes me to do the stupidest shit on earth like my guilt problems are legit one of the beggist things i work on in therapy. So they assured me, If i put my name it’s like being a co-signer bleh bleh bleh. It’s in our contract that he pays. While signign they were even like you can read the contract later if you just wanna sign now. Like it was that fucked up.

The beneficiary whatever. Jonathan told me he had to put someone or that was his understanding and lemme telll you, im the only choice. I was assured it could be changed and this wasn’t permanent because I dont want that kinda commitment. I just idk I didn’t think anything of it and just thought i was helping someone because i have another problem with ovre-compassion as i call it lol.

So fast forward she tells me ight well we gotta count you as married. And I’m like WHAT NO I WILL LOSE EVERYTHING. and she omfg she’s like “well you don’t know that” and I’m like bitch���I know I’m right.

Well guess fucking what, yes I would lose everything. Even tho his money, his work, we aint sharing it it aint joint bank account wahbam, fuck me right.

Now, wouldn’t this be your first clue that you shouldn’t count as us married (one of first things I asked):

“Well, what if we break up!?” She then told me blah blah blah I have a year then i’m fucked. Then for like 1.5 hour we talked and at the end she got it, I was a blubbering mess. So she was like ok i aint promising anything because if someones doing this stuff, I put them as married end of story….but i’m gonna send you, your bf, and mom able to write statements blah blah. 

Then as the end it was very lightly mentioned “Oh wait..you might no matter what lose stuff because it’s a resource” but it was said like no real concern. I then realized later hell fucking yeah it’s a concern.

So my mum and I are talking and I’m like this is bananas, it aint like oh man i signed on the dotted line and i regret it…it’s like I have a mental illness that makes it so sometimes uhmmmm I may act rash, or be influenced etc DUH. And then BAM. It just hit me.

A WEEK PRIOR I HAD LITERALLY BEEN IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL. Not 2 weeks, not 1.5 week but a WEEK. I was in there because I was on a medication that was making me plan out my suicide….I was released because the agreed I was safe enough to at least not KILL myself. Not because I was 100% off the med or 100% ok in the membrane. And then i had this vague memory that I signed this shtit leaving the hospital about how I’m not mentally capable of making any life decisions or something. (Their way of saving my ass I guess). I get a call back on monday about that if I did.

So my mom talked to this bomb ass lawyer and long story short I’m 99.9999999% sure I’m gettingout of this contract. 

So ok that solves that problem. And considering again sign contract acting married wasn’t mentally 100% shouldn’t count for married either. And seeing how she was really believing me long story short….

No, I now don’t think I will lose everything. 

I want to set the record straight tho, I just days ago thought I was losing 

1. Social security income

2. Medicare

Then she said the state probably wouldn’t kick me off because they’re more leniant with “marriage” thing. But the resource thing oh man, then I would have also lost

1. I would have went from SS income to state income, but nope nevermind

2. medicaid gone. 

So I would be worth $0 a month, and I mean I would have my parents insurance but I can’t afford that deductable and copay shit, and also Im gonna be 26 eventually. So that means I would be reliable on my boyfriend 100% (which like uhh our relationship is so up and down like no thank you I wanna be able to move out if I want/have to). And his income barely covers one person let alone two. (We did the math if we lost everything and we’d be lucky if we had $50 for the week after paying everything and that’s if we baby how much we spend for gas, food etc). 

This would also mean I’d lose my medicaid appointment transportation which FYI my PT is an hour and 10 minutes away, but then again I couldn’t afford to go anyways to anything. As my convo with my driver went

“Damn, you wouldn’t even be able to work if they forced you….because of how many appointments you have.” 

-me “You know now…they’ll say ‘well cause ya lost everything… youll have plenty of time now LOL”

-her: “And then you woudn’t even be able to work with your “free time” because you need your appoointments to function!”

-me: “EXACTLY” 

So appointments, medications, treatments (Botox anymore? LOL RIGHT and I just got approved for Hetlioz look up that babies price MEGA LOL), affording my car/insurance, my apartment (can’t afford this place no more), internet (if I even could continue school), sadly my lovely rats, my income etc GOOOOONE.

So lets all pray to the gods of the disabled that my contract gets cancelled and I don’t lose everything and actually legit….die. LOL

I went from Wednesday facing the fact that I’m going to die, to friday holy shit I am saved god bless my borderline brain

So moral of the story is my mom is probably going to become my payee, and try to prevent me from getting emotionally influenced or emotionally rash into things, and now my boyfriend nows ques etc. He also obviously knows to NEVER do something like this again. I have also learned that I know I obviously have a brain that works differently and makes even the simpilest things hard, but I’m going to mention in therapy how I want to work on this and we can try to at least (if I can’t able to say no) make my ques known and obviously to jonathan. To talk more beforehand about things and plans, and also make trusted others know what I am ok with and am not. 

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: this is why i don't wear shoes Ali: i have lost one??? Ali: rescue it if you see it Carly: what do they look like Ali: just a kinda tan sandal thing Ali: just a penneys special so not the end of the world, should chuck the other one so someone can have the pair Carly: come & bring me food & then youll be here to reunite them Carly: but yea k will lean out my door & see if its there Ali: love the enthusiasm, babe 😜 Ali: can feel your come down from here Carly: dont barely remember the come up Carly: wtf happened last night Ali: not in a much better position myself but uhm Ali: mayhem, that's for sure Ali: i think you might've gone home with the wrong cousin Carly: shit Carly: my bad Carly: better read my txts Carly: who did you go w ? Ali: didn't go that far with anyone Ali: 💍 remember and such a 😇 Ali: ronan was in a mard though and i weren't up for listening to that so 🤷 Carly: aw Carly: sorry baby i'll calm him down Ali: it's chill 😂 bless him Ali: no need on my account tho i'm sure he'd be down, despite protests otherwise Carly: my inbox is Carly: cba w this rn Ali: oh baby, want a bacon sarnie and a secretary? Carly: yea Carly: gonna throw my phone w your shoe Ali: i woke up to a mystery dickpic on my phone Ali: is it rude to ask which one it belongs to because lads, sorry, not that memorable that i'm picking it out of a line-up Ali: you'll know, been more recent, i'll come over with food and lucozade for real and ruin your day with that lovely image and the actually rather creative sexts that went with it Ali: 10/10 for effort, sir Carly: cant put it on the cv or school report but my memory for 'em is good Carly: if ive seen it i'll id it Carly: ill laff if its the large ginge cousin whose name i never got Carly: sounded like a cough Ali: that's a talent and if the man can't see that, fuck him Ali: and his job in tescos, like Ali: i mean, shouldn't have a preference but i hope not 😂 Ali: soz honey but Carly: thanks baby Carly: I hope its that token english Carly: he was fit Ali: can reply if you like Ali: worse ways to waste a sunday morning than messing with boys Ali: sounding like a priest Ali: oops Carly: ha Carly: i found some fucking funny vids of us so maybe the phone shouldnt go out window before youve had a look Ali: yes, i need to see that Carly: [sends her fave of the vids] Ali: aww Ali: we're fun drunks Ali: love that for us Carly: yea Carly: im a messy bitch tho Carly: no wonder i went w the hero cousin Ali: meh, things happen at parties, everyone knows that Ali: not like you're proper attached is it Ali: though he's gonna be annoying now probs but day in the life when you're irresistible, yeah? Carly: youd know babe Carly: he wont be on site long never is Carly: so idc Carly: saved me for a nite boy youre welcome Ali: duh Ali: hottest couple in town Ali: one for the wank bank anyway Carly: yea & he is fit Carly: give him that Carly: esp when i dont understand what hes saying Ali: the best kind Ali: a boy you don't have to speak to 😜 Ali: if that's all it takes like, whip out the Gaeilge Carly: youve got the giggles but yea Carly: true Carly: but on site id just have all the oldies chatting at me if i could Carly: not trying to make them go weak Ali: they ain't daddies? boo 😥 Carly: some got many kids but thats it Carly: say something to me then Ali: [sends voice memo, probably has dirty words she'd recognise from site life and lots of loling] Carly: k Carly: so hot Carly: if your gf is mad at me for stealing you last nite you can smooth things over w her like that Ali: might have to Ali: though it ain't you she's 😤 with Ali: poor ronan, shoulda done more than snog him if she comes for him, not even worth it for that Carly: ill protect him when he lets me back near Carly: cant stay mad at this Carly: sure your girls the same Ali: She's mad 24/7 babe, just gotta hold on, like 😂 Ali: we want different things now but that's not a convo for this morning like jesus Carly: whos got the energy Carly: cba w angry Carly: yea you want a sarnie Ali: exactly, and i wanted to have fun last night but may as well have said i want his dick in or around my mouth k bye babe Carly: ha Carly: that would be fun tho Ali: tell that to past you, dashing his threesome dreams like 🤷💔 Carly: still time Ali: not me you need to promise baby Carly: yea but id rather talk to you Ali: 💚 Ali: you cute Carly: all you Carly: how you look so good coming from band? wtf Ali: psh please Ali: it was all about you 🙇 Carly: if that was true why is every memory i got from last nite just you Carly: facts Ali: had to get you away from that mirror somehow, like 😉 Ali: it was fun Carly: ha Carly: cuz your talents got me like Carly: yea it was Ali: helps when the canvas already beautiful babe Carly: aw Carly: youre sweet Ali: 🍓 Carly: gonna make me cry Ali: don't cry lil one Ali: the bacon is coming Ali: got roped into doing a shady kid swap, where is my ma, take this demon child Carly: you can bring him if you want Carly: ill put clothes on before Ali: cockblocked again 😉 Ali: nah, he needs to go get shoes Ali: ironically and unlucky, twat Carly: what size is he Carly: i can ask around when i look for yours Carly: lads flog everything and anything here on sundays Ali: his feet are big man Ali: he's only little but he's lanky af, unlike me Ali: that's fun tho Ali: imma go shopping Carly: aw Carly: yea wish i was taller Carly: ffs ma and da Ali: literally Ali: least neither of my sisters are model tall or i'd be more raging Ali: we make it work, babe Carly: & i dont have any sisters Carly: well done on that one tho ma & da Ali: speak for yourself Ali: i'm gutted Carly: oww Carly: trying to replace me like the vows were no thing Ali: you know you're my one and only Ali: but a woman got needs Carly: thats what your gf is for Carly: no Ali: yeah but i'm allowed wishful thinking too Ali: damn Carly: ive given you the mental image of me naked Carly: what more you need Ali: are you jealous of your hypothetical sister? Carly: yea if you like her more Ali: aw baby, 'course not Ali: she's a ride, yeah, but bit of a bitch too, like Carly: ha Carly: takes after our ma like Ali: sadly, straighter than you Ali: 👎 Carly: like theres a ranking Carly: just straight or not yea Ali: I mean, it is a scale but I'm not gonna try and bond with your Ma giving her the test for it, like Ali: could we tie her down for a sec, obvs Carly: hit her when shes washing up Carly: takes long Ali: okay, i'll dry 😉 Ali: what an offer Carly: trying to make me vom now Carly: take crying or blushing over Ali: soz babe Carly: her & my da dont fuck but still dont reckon youre her type Ali: don't know what's worse, that, or knowing they do Carly: im good w them not Carly: sound carries Carly: no secrets in the caravan Ali: sure there's a toilet block they could go to Ali: keeping it sexy Carly: sure my da's there doing his cry wank Carly: while my ma checks the talent Carly: we got that to look forward to in our marriage in a few years Ali: who's scouting who's cranking Ali: because frankly, i refuse either Carly: im the biggest slag so probs me Carly: sorry Ali: and I'm not Ali: igloo sisters how many times now?! 😂 Carly: ha Carly: but youre loyal Carly: me and my ma dont kno the meaning like Ali: am i Ali: you miss the part when i got on ronan Carly: o yea Carly: i forgot Ali: idk what i'm gonna do about that Ali: instant gameover but its literally so irrelevant Carly: hes a ride Carly: you should be excused for it Ali: she's a 6 on that scale, yeah, massive gay Ali: so she ain't seeing that, never mind the other shit Carly: shit yea Carly: dont tell her Ali: does that make me the worst? Ali: i should hm Carly: hes not gonna speak to her Carly: and if he brags you can call it that Ali: Yeah Ali: I don't know Carly: its that or tell her Carly: & say youre sorry Carly: we were all wasted Carly: not like you have feelings for him Ali: You're right, obviously Ali: like that's the truth but yeah Ali: might leave it unless I need to go there Ali: soz God, swing by confession later Carly: tell her youre a bi cliche Carly: she'd love it Carly: use the scale Ali: she would tho Ali: validate everything she's ever sneaky or not so thought about me Ali: soz, i need a constant stream of p n v or i die Carly: a girl has needs Carly: what am i a 1? Ali: its like dis Ali: 1- all straight 2- mostly straight but lil gay 3- equal/bi 4- mostly gay but still lil into opposite 5- total gay Ali: but not gonna resist the urge to tell you you a 10 Carly: 🥇 Carly: i like that you're 3 tho. 3's a lucky number Ali: and a magic one 🔮 Carly: yea cuz youre magical Ali: believe it baby Carly: i do Ali: right, finally leaving, be like 10 Ali: doing the opposite to a walk of shame rn, strutting back in like what's good Carly: you gotta Carly: own it baby Carly: havent found your shoe tho sorry Carly: maybe ronan took it cuz he loves you so bad Ali: 😂 oh my god Ali: like a horny puppy Carly: yea Carly: building a shrine to you rn probs Ali: or he wanna play cinderella Ali: such a ridiculous fairytale, as far as they go Carly: how wasted was the prince that he cant remember what she looks like Carly: k been there but not trying to wife anyone Ali: right?! also, sure plenty of bitches a size 5, like??? Ali: was it a magic shoe Ali: no explanation, frankly Carly: yea like me and you have the same size Carly: ill take your prince for a ride bitch Ali: 😂 Ali: he cool with that Ali: that's the tea Ali: boy gives no fucks, long as it ain't a man in drag Carly: he hasnt met your brother tho Carly: boy looks good Ali: eww Ali: stop that thought right there Carly: dont get jealous Carly: not gonna go there Ali: not jealous, but repulsed 😷 Carly: k babe Carly: if you say so Ali: trust, you wanna see jealous you'll see it soon enough if you go there Ali: 😂 bea don't fuck about Carly: have to go for one of your other hot brothers Ali: trying be my sister in law and wife Ali: kickin it country Carly: you kno Carly: been on site too long Ali: forreal, not gotta hang with the traveller lads that hard baby Carly: after last nite not gonna be hanging w them for a while Ali: let 'em fight it out amongst themselves Ali: defs for the best Carly: yea Carly: hide w me babe Carly: gonna be so bored Ali: gonna Ali: i'll peep their wares another day Ali: not a euphemism Carly: sounds dirty tho Ali: yeah, regretted it as i said it but hey Ali: love me a sale and a gypsy boy Carly: no regrets boo Carly: they love you too Carly: esp whoever send the dick pic Ali: the real mystery Ali: soz everyone else with your drama but we gotta know Carly: i do need to be knowing Carly: thats my wife lads Ali: awh you gonna defend my honour n delicate sensibilities Carly: yea Carly: youre an angel Ali: you're so cute Carly: its you Carly: my parents came back Carly: gonna have to run Ali: oh no i am en route Ali: where you going boo Carly: i'll catch you and we can find somewhere theyre not Carly: ha church Carly: can you eat there cuz im not looking to die for jesus Ali: yeah for sure, not in the pews like its the cinema, like Ali: can go park if you wanna Ali: or up the mountain if you can hack it, like Carly: youre so smart Carly: like your mouth Carly: but yea Carly: date time Ali: awh yeah Ali: this picnic ain't goals i'm so sorry babe Ali: least the weather's looking up Carly: idc Carly: get to be w my boo Ali: 😍 Carly: i look crazy Carly: havent got dressed faster w out getting fucked before since idc Carly: idk Ali: i like crazy Ali: and beside me you'll probs look totally normal 😉 Carly: you look hot every day baby Carly: facts Ali: all these compliments got me feeling 🔥 obvs Carly: thats how i want it Ali: gonna have you flying high too Ali: top of the world, baby Carly: aw Carly: whats in the food like Ali: 😂 Ali: just faith n trust n pixiedust, of course Carly: you can snort pixiedust yea? Carly: k Ali: you gon' be mad when i've got nothing but sandwiches and half a donut Carly: nah Carly: cant be mad at you Carly: too cute Ali: and donuts are life Carly: true

[imsarabum]

Responses to {Part 21} I Won’t Stop You // Jeon Jungkook, Vampire!AU Asks~

Please ‘Keep Reading’ to find my response to your ask ^^ As always, I have copied and pasted all asks into this post in regards to last night’s chapter to avoid clogging up people’s dashboards and to avoid spoilers for those who may still wish to read the chapter. Thank you ^^ 

(I have also included asks that I received in the hours before IWSY was posted ^^)

Anonymous said: So i found IWSY last week and marathoned through it in 2 days and omg its so good im dying for the next part!!! Thank you so much for blessing us all with your writing have a wonderful day/night!!!!!! ❤❤❤❤❤

Oh my gosh thank you for marathoning through it! I’m really happy that you found it and that you’re liking the story so far my dear ^^ I hope you have a wonderful day or night too! ❤

Anonymous said: TONIGHT'S THE MOMENT OF TRUTH!!!

WOOHOO! C:

@mysr3 said: Queen Serren will shed some light for us tonight and poor Jungkook' unbeating heart is ready  I can feel it! My heart is also not ready!!! Have A good day Love ❤️  PS I re-read Who are you again! And I find new things that I didn't notice before last time and feel different! You are such a good writer !!!

Hehe yes things were revealed last night with more to be explained c: And yay thank you for reading it again! I’m glad you could pick up on things that you maybe didn’t pick up on before, I personally love when that happens to me :3 ❤  Thank you so much my love :)

Anonymous said: It's 11:14pm in Sydney right now and I am so ready for IWSY! Unfortunately, it's a little known fact time difference is a bitch and I can't read it till the afternoon! *sighs* if only they didn't block tumble at school. -Tall anon

Aww that sucks that they block tumblr at your school! But I can understand why because they wan you to concentrate :( I hope you’ll enjoy it when you read it my love!

@lostheretics said: fEW HOURS TO IWSY AAAAAA *screaming internally* but cant read it immediately bc i have mid tests😔😔😭😭

That’s okay my love! tests and study come first ❤  I hope you enjoy it when you get a chance to read it!

@deangetoutofmyspleen said: iTS TUESDAYYYYYYYYY

YES IT IS!! ❤

Anonymous said: Yuss, vamp!Kook-tuesday!! Highlight of the week ❤

I’m so happy that it’s the highlight of your week ❤  ahhhh that really makes me smile so much!

@m1n-yoong1 said: OMG I JUST REALISED ITS TUESDAY AND IM REALLY HAPPY NOW. My day has been quite bad so I was sad all day until now 😁😁

I’m glad it can brighten up your day my love, I’m sorry that your day has been sad :( *hug* ❤

Anonymous said: I'M READY FOR WHATEVER PARANORMAL SHENANIGANS YOU HAVE PREPARED LETS DO THIS *insert boxer emoji here*

PARANORMAL SHENANIGANS YES ❤  hehe I hope you enjoyed it babe!

@kpoperinthehoody123 said: OMG SARAAAA!!!!!!!!!! I JUST READ THE WHO ARE YOU // IM JAEBUM SERIES ALL IN ONE GO AND IT IS SOOO FUCKING LEGIT THAT I FORGOT CEO JUNGKOOK WILL BE COMING OUT ANY MINUTE NOW!! HOW DO U WRITE THESE MASTER PIECES??? *cries in the corner* However, U have such an amazing and creative mind oh Sara😘😘😘 Can't wait to read 'I wont stop you' part 21 💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Ahhhh thank you so much for reading it alongside IWSY! (I hope you enjoyed last nights update too!)  You flatter me way too much D: I just imagine something and then write it, it’s nothing special ❤  Thank you so much my love!

Anonymous said: I've updated your tumblr way too many times tonight.... I'm dying to know what's going to happen! 💕

asdfghj I hope you enjoyed the update beautiful!

Anonymous said: i spent a single day binging the entire IWSY series and i've never been happier because it's been hard to find some good vampire!jk and now i have and i'm living also i remember that i had read it when there was only one chapter and then i forgot about it but honestly im so happy to be back!! your writing is exceptional and as a fellow writer, i'm so happy to have found this and you ❤️❤️

jkdgkjsdg ugh thank you so much ❤  I’m really happy that you found it and returned to it and that you enjoy it ❤  thank you for finding me and telling me that you like my series dear, it really means a lot to me!

Anonymous said: I'VE NEVER BEEN SO EARLY FOR A FIC HOLY--

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT!! ❤

Anonymous said: idk why but i??? Cried during chapter 21 its was sO GOOD BLESS

awh~ sad tears or happy tears? c: Thank you so much my love!

Anonymous said: I had a feeling that I would get the vampire explanation and not the "what the heck is she" explanation. On another note, in really happy with how the whole thing went, like I half expected for it to bee more awkward and for the second hand embarrassment to be worse, but you managed to write in in a way that wasn't over the top and still provided a realistic (as realistic as we can assume a scenario like this would play out) scene. So thank you for once again making the week long wait worth it.

Yes~ I personally feel it would be too unrealistic for them to tell absolutely EVERYTHING in one go~ (Y/N) has had a traumatic time and if they were to just unleash everything then she legit might run away terrified lolol. I’m happy that you perceived it as being realistic - especially when the genre is supernatural. I think, for some people, there will always be an element of cringe when it comes to talking about Vampires but I really wanted to make it as natural as possible. In this chapter, I really just wrote like - how I would react if someone were to tell me. I’d be scared but I’d require proof and I’d be curious if I was able to see substantial proof heh~ Thank you very much for honest and unbiased review of the chapter, it was refreshing to read and respond to - and I hope you have a lovely day ❤

Anonymous said: I HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER WEEK FOR THIS MASTERPIECE TO REVEAL WHAT THE HECK Y/N IS?

YES MY LOVE YOU DO ❤  Hehe, thank you for reading it ❤

@moonlighthollow said: Jesus christ.... this was so worth the wait😂😍 I'm soooo inlove with this story omg thank you for writing so perfectly and amazing🙏

I’m glad you found it worth the wait ❤  Thank you so much for reading the update my love!

@lovehaniwhaimagines said: HOLY FLIPPIN SHIT. I binge-read all 20 chapters of I wont stop you just yesterday and waited until the new chapter and holy frickin cow, I LOVE IT. Please keep up the good work, I appreciate every single thing you write :) ~

I’ll keep writing for sure! Thank you so much for reading and enjoying the series love ^^ ❤

Anonymous said: You know you could actually write a book and it would sold to millions of people! You're creative stories and writing are fantastic. I love how you mix humor into your stories, especially in "I Won't Stop You". You are one of the best writers on tumblr no doubt about it. Love you~

I’m not sure about millions of people xD But maybe one day eh!? hehe~ And yes! I love to incorporate a little bit of humour, especially if one of the characters personalities is like that, it can be a great mood lifter or a change of pace throughout the story or chapter ^^ Ah, you flatter me so much ❤  thank you my love, and I love you too!

@parkheehi said: I'm so fucking happy that Y/N was not that mad at jungkook for his secret. :D do you know how many parts I won't stop you will have?? (BTW I DIED WHEN JUNGKOOK SAID 'I won't stop you' AFTER Y/N ASKED HIM IF SHE COULD  TOUCH HIS TEETH)  Don't overwork yourself and stay healthy!🤗

I have no idea how many chapters~ You guys will know when I do! ALSO THIS ISN’T THE FURST TIME JUNGKOOK HAS SAID ‘I WON’T STOP YOU’ - and actually, the reader has said it before too ;) I guess youll have to go back and read to find out where and when it was said! hehe ❤  thank you my love and I hope you’re having a great day!

@semisweetsuga said: I fukin knew you were gonna end it on a god damn cliffhanger but the update was SO GOoD I loVEd iT!

This should no longer be a surprise anymore~ I’ll gladly wear my crown for queen of cliffhangers ~ hehe, I love Kotooooo ❤

Anonymous said: I JUST ABSOLUTELY LOVE WHEN YOU HAVE "I WONT STOP YOU" SAID IN THE IWSY STORY!!!! IM SO EXCITED FOR NEXT WEEK BECAUSE IVE HONESTLY SO CONFUSED WHENEVER YOU MENTION THE AFFECT (Y/N) HAS ON PEOPLE. ❤️😍

This isn’t the first time that the title has been mentioned in the series! :3 Jungkook has said it once before and so has (Y/N)~ muhaha! I hope you’ll enjoy the storyline when you find out what (Y/N) is ❤  thank you so much for reading!

Anonymous said: HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME! I HAVE BEEN WAITING LIKE THE WHOLE FUDGING BOOK TO FIND OUT WHY SHE TINGLES, AND THEN YOU JUST SNATCH IT OUT OF MY GRASP AND SAY NOPE YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER FUDGING WEEK TO KNOW THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW (I know I sound really sad) Ugh 😑 at least you know how to keep your readers along for the ride

Because my dear, I am evil and I enjoy inflicting pain ❤  heh~ Thank you so much for reading and I hope you’ll enjoy the future chapters!

@pandafish said: A very intense and dramatic reveal!  I can't want to hear about their history!

Thank you so much my dear! I hope you’ll enjoy it :D

@animeimmortal said: I shit you not i have never been this mad before. The other cliffhangers? Fine ill just deal with it. but this one? LET ME LIVE FOR ONCE I BEG YOU JUST ONE CHAPTER WITHOUT A CLIFFHANGER PLEASE DO YOU WANT ME TO DIE FROM THE LACK OF KNOWLEDGE I AM SO FRUSTRATED I NEED THE REST GOD PLEASE OMG ❤ love you ❤

U mad bro? :3 tehe~ But thank you s always for reading it despite wanting to kill me ❤  I love you too!!

Anonymous said: When she asked to touch his fangs and he was like 'go ahead I won't stop you' I literally had to refrain from shouting TITLE REFERENCE! BOOM!

This isn’t the first time that the title has been mentioned in the series! Jungkook has said it before and so has the reader ;) But it was probably less obvious because I like to slip in those things to see if anyone picks up on it~ heh^^

Anonymous said: *glares at you author* I was this close to knowing. NOW I HAVE TO WAIT 7 MORE DAYS TO GET MY ANSWER TO WHY I'M VAMPNIP!!! GRRAGH>:( But on the bright side, this chapter wasn't as angsty as I feared! Hooray! :) *but I'm still mad at you hmph*- love Vampnip anon

*glares back at you and smiles* muhaha~ Don’t be mad at me because I love you very much ❤  hehe thank you so much for reading it my dear!

Anonymous said: AAAHHH I've waited so long for this IWSY Chapter *^* My jaw dropped when "I" called the Queen 'bitch' >.< I also really wanted to read about her finding out that the Jeon's are the royal family and her beloved Jungkook is a PRINCE <3 maybe in the next part~(?)

Haha yes! You called the Queen a bitch! c: But it can be forgiven I guess due to the circumstances lol ^^ YES MAYBE SO! ❤  thank you for reading the update dear ^^

@omelys-space said: Once again such a great update ❤ I am glad that they all opened up to her and that she had her time to freak out but calmed down pretty soon after that  Excited to see what she is now and again gotta give some love to Serrena  She is such a babe 😍 Thank you for your hard work and till next week ❤

Ahh thank you so much my love ❤  I’m happy that you enjoyed it and I hope you’ll look forward to next week too! ^^

Anonymous said: You always leave me crying, my heart full yet broken. Every Tuesday. And it's okay because art takes time.

Ahh you make me sound like such an emotional abuser :c I don’t mean to break your heart! *hugs* hehe~ thank you so much for reading the chapter dear ❤

@deboracorrea25 said: OMG!!! Perfect, simply perfect! I just love the way you write,  the way you make us feel all the emotions of the characters. I could feel the surprise, the anger, the acceptance, and even the love. I couldn't imagine this to be better, and I know next week chapter of "I won't stop you" will be flawless too. Thank you again for writing this fanfic. Love you!

sdfghj you’re too sweet for your own good, i’m so glad that you could feel all the emotions that everyone in the chapter was feeling ^^ thank you so much for reading it and for looking forward to next week - I’ll do my best!! ❤  I love you too :D

@mocking-butts said: OH MY GOD IM SCREAMING FOR THIS CHAPTER~!! I was literally at the edge of my seat when they were telling her and oh my god I almost cried and I need it to be next week I want to know so badly I love this story so much teach me the ways oh wise one. I love this story so much I can't even right now.

It’s only 6 days away now! *sweats* lolol c: Thank you so much for loving the story, I really really appreciate it that ❤

@fashionkilla124 said: I am SO FUKIN DONE WITH IWSY. I WAS CRYIN AT FIRST BUT HAD ME DYIN AT TGE END I CANT JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL.😩😩😂😂

*pats your head gently* there there my love, its okay~ ❤

@kookies-hoe said: ARGHHHHH 'I won't stop you' JUNGKOOK YOU TEASEEEE AND ALSO HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME, THE CLIFFHANGER 😭😭😭😂

Ahhhh but it’s not the first time that the title has been mentioned in the series!Both Jungkook and the reader have said it before :3 thank you for reading it my lovely!

@mysr3 said: SARAAAA!!! I LOVE YOU!!! You saved JK heart and my heart at the same time This chapter I love it. The details are amazingly well portray and I love the humor you threw in there to emphasize Y/N characters in the state she is in or her personality in general. ahhh I love your writing! But you just ripped my heart out dying to know the whole story! I was so sure you would reveal today! I thought I had nailed how today chapter would turned out but I was wayyy offff lol Well played my love ❤❤❤

I’m glad I could save your heart and rip it out at the same time hehe ❤  I’m so happy that you could feel everyone’s response and their personalities in the chapter too ^^ Thank you for reading it dear and I hope you have a wonderful day!

Anonymous said: THAT ITALICIZED I WONT STOP YOU I SCREAMED BIIITTTCCCHHH YAAAAASSSS 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 I love it SO MUCH also the garlic bread part I died that was so fuckjng funny and then the to be continued 😭😭😭😭 y u do dis 2 mE ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

This isn’t the first time that the title has been mentioned in the series! Both Jungkook and the reader have said it before c: LOL I chuckled at the garlic bread reference when I was writing it haha (i’m so pathetic lol) Thank you for reading it despite the frustration of waiting ❤

Anonymous said: If you keep ending IWSTY chapters like that I'm going to explode. It's been continuous cliffhangers omg. I love the story and I can't wait for the next chapter!!❤ love you

Please don’t explode, that would make me mega sad :( And yes - continuous cliffhangers are kind of my thing? my style? lolol I’m sorry but it is what it is! :P Thank you very much for reading and I love you too pumpkin ❤

Anonymous said: okay SARA what the absolute HECK why must you play with our feelings that way?? i really thought we were going to get the tea ☕️ on what the reader is but NO ahhhh lovely chapter though omg 11/10 as always!!!!

Because I love to play and toy with people’s emotions~ does that make me a bad person? c: lolol thank you for reading and enjoying the chapter my love!

@doubletroublesince1994 said: I didnt expect this reaction at all! I thought she'll stay mad for 2 or 3 chapters before finally accepting it 😂😂 On a side note, I particulary loved this chapter because Ive been waiting for the declaration since day 1! Can't wait for tge 2nd part

Ahahaha I hope you still enjoyed it though my love! And it makes me really happy to hear that you’re looking forward to the next part too! Have a wonderful day babe ❤

Anonymous said: Oh my gosh this chapter was so good!!!! I can't believe that Jungkook finally told Y/N!  Thank you for writing this amazing series. ♡♡ - self care anon (and yeah, I'm trying to take care of myself. The routine is the most helpul part. Love you!)

Hi there self care anon! I’m glad to know that you’re still taking care of yourself and that my series can attribute to that self care routine ❤  And I’m also really happy and thankful to know that you enjoyed the chapter, thank you so much for reading it and I hope you continue to take good care of yourself ❤

Anonymous said: O.o Oh mai gawd Sara, that was sooo good. IWSY part 21, (y/n) stays!!! Yess!!! I've been so excited for today, I was so anxious to see whether or not (y/n) runs out on Jungkook and I'm so glad this part ended the way it did. Without a doubt, IWSY is the main reason I put up with tuesdays. ily soo much! can't wait for next part! - army anon

Hello army anon! I’m so glad to know that you enjoyed the new part ^^ and yes! (Y/N) was never going to run away or leave Jungkook - she loves him too much :D I love you too and thank you so much for reading it!

@audreymv said: MAMA IS ABOUT TO GIVE STORYTIME WOAH.  This was a roller coaster of a chapter like she yelled at them and she was angry wow and then like wow next thing ya know is she is apart of the ancestral line. Maybe her parents died by mistake. Ooo it's getting interesting

STORY TIME WITH SERRENA TURN UP! lolol~ Thank you once again for reading the new update and I hope you’ll enjoy next weeks too! Have a great day my love ❤

@btsfanficss said: What the heck I swear I was following you this entire time :o BUT ANYWAYS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EXISTING I LOVE IWSY SO MUCH IVE BEEN FOLLOWING IT FOR SO LONG ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

That’’s okay my dear don’t worry! A lot of the time I assume I’m following people but it turns out that I’m not so I totally understand xD Thank YOU for existing too and thank you so much for reading IWSY ❤

Anonymous said: Not gonna lie, I squealed like a fangirl when Jungkook said, "I won't stop you" LOL. But you're seriously killing me every week sara! I die every Tuesday, then get resurrected the next Tuesday just so I can't read the next chapter 😂 UGH AND AGAIN? REALLY SARA?  IM STILL WAITING TO FIND OUT WHAT Y/N IS 😭😂  I'm hoping the next chapter will be nice and long for me to indulge in 😉... and not gonna lie, I'm scared of the idea of vampires, BUT I REALLY WANT ME A VAMPIRE JUNGKOOK OMG 😜 - 7:45 Anon

Did you know that this wasn’t the first time that Jungkook said I Won’t Stop You? The reader has actually said it before too c: lolol And don’t worry - the next chapter will probably be around 7k words (just like this chapter was), because it’s essentually the chapter that I explain the lore I’ve created/decided upon ❤ AND SAME I REALLY WANT A VAMPKOOK and I also want Vampire Vmin too lolol~~ Thank you so much for reading the new chapter as always 7:45 anon ❤

Anonymous said: YESSS I WONT STOP YOU AAAh. This made my day lol , I love you!!!! Have a great day c:

Did you know that this wasn’t the first time that Jungkook said I Won’t Stop You? The reader has actually said it before too c: hehe ^^ I love you too and thank you so much for reading my dear!

@ineffabl-y said: IM SHAKEN OMFG but like WHEN IT SAID THE TITLE I SCREAMED also you should use this thing called interactivefics and it lets the reader insert their name inside the fic and I love it!!! just a suggestion tho ANYWAYS CANT WAIT TO BE THIRSTY FOR THIS FIC TILL NEXT TUESDAY <3

Did you know that this wasn’t the first time that Jungkook said I Won’t Stop You? The reader has actually said it before too c: That’s good that there’s a site like that but I think for now I’ll be staying on tumblr because if I moved and started uploading somewhere else, people might get confused :( Thank you so much for reading my love and I hope you have a good day!

@ohheyitsebonyrose said: Saraaaaaaaa my queen. That part was amazing. I'm so glad the protagonist knows of vampires now ^.^ IM SO CURIOUS TO SEE WHAT SHE IS!!

Yes she finally knows! What a relief hehe ^^ Thank you so much for thinking that it was amazing! I hope you’ll enjoy next week too my love ^^

@theninjachan said: I die every Tuesday and rise again every Tuesday. Thank you. Chapter 21 was a delight (cont.) Oh and “Go ahead; I won’t stop you”  Nut bust x10000000000

Did you know that this wasn’t the first time that Jungkook said I Won’t Stop You? The reader has actually said it before too c: Hehe, thank you so much for reading it my love and I hope you’re having an amazing day!

Anonymous said: I CANT TAKE NO MORE. THIS TUESDAY TO TUESDAY IS KILLING ME. I JUST WANT Y/N AND JUNGKOOK TO BUMP UGLIES AND BE HAPPY. BUT THIS CHAPTER WAS SO INFORMATIVE AND INTERESTING LIKE I WAS LIKE AHHHHH SNAP ITS GOIN DOWN NOW. But on a real note like this story is my shit. I don't mind waiting every week but I do. But like I don't. But then again I do. I'm just confused and I need to know what up with y/n cuz my theories are hella wild and I need the tea ☕️. I love you so much! 💜 ~LilKookieAnon

BUMP UGLIES AND BE HAPPY LMAO I LOVE YOU SO MUCH LIL KOOKIE ANON :3 I love you too and don’t worry, all will be explained in time, I promise you!! Have a wonderful day my dear and thank you so much :3

Anonymous said: Wait, so since Serrena is older then Jeonju does that make her a cougar?  🤔😂

I mean, I guess so c: A hella cougar tho! hehe~~

Anonymous said: I HAVE NO WORDS. That chapter was amazing!!!!!! I'm jungshook. But in all honesty I really want everyday to be Wednesday!! *sigh* I'm so excited for chapter 22! -Tall anon

Thank you so much my dear! That means so much to me Tall anon :D I’m so happy you enjoyed it!!

Anonymous said: How long do you think I Won't Stop You is going to be because honestly I need it to be as long as possible!! I absolutely love it

I have no idea how long it will be but it won’t be ending any time soon ^^ you guys will know as soon as I do! thank you so much for reading and enjoying it my dear ^^

Anonymous said: OH MY GOD I LITERALLY SANK DOWN IN MY SEAT WHEN HE SAID "I WON'T STOP YOU" ITS LIKE YOU MADE ALL OF THESE CHAPTERS JUST TO SAY THAT ONE PHRASE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IM SCREAMING

Did you know that this wasn’t the first time that Jungkook said I Won’t Stop You? The reader has actually said it before too c: It will be a reoccurring sentence throughout! I hope you’ll be able to find them all c: hehe I love you so much too and I’m so happy you enjoyed the chapter!!

@jynxy24 said: I hate you so much, Sara. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MEEEE AND JUST AS SHE WAS ABOUT TO TELL?! COME ONNNNNNNNNNNNNN! (Reader was adorable with the way she was asking question :3) I swear when I saw that cliffhanger, I was like, "Wha- Uh- Sara!" ISTG I'M SO CONFUSED AND FRUSTRSTED😂😂😂 Staph torturing me, Sara😂

Awww don’t hate me because I LOVE YOU very much c: And you should know by now that I love to torture you c: But thank you very much for reading the new chapter Jynxy my love ^^

Anonymous said: God damn it you know like what even what the actual fuck. I am more than shook rn ok. I am relieved nothing too bad happened but I am on edge now with that cliffhanger (& all others). I love it & dislike it (I don't like using hate cuz it's a strong word u kno). I'm sure u get that a lot tho lol. I am so excited for the next part oml I'm so eager to find out what the reader is & y she makes vamps feel things. It sucks to wait but I am really looking forward to the next part 💕 take care 💕

I do get it a lot haha it’s a weird feeling to know that people love and hate me at the same time lolol xD Thank you so much for reading and I’m sorry about the frustration! I hope you’re having an awesome day my dear ^^

@ananyak26 said: Ok I love this chapter!!! How can Serrena  be so savage AND sweet at the same time?!.. And jungkook... Ahhh.. Jungkook . Great job as usual author-nim!!!

She’s a badass mum indeed! Thank you so much my love and I’m so happy you enjoyed the new chapter!

Anonymous said: Love the 'I Won't Stop You' series! I found it a few weeks back and it's amazing!!! Always looking forward for each Tuesday (well Wednesday for me since I'm 7 hours ahead of you)

Ahhh thank you so much sweetie! I’m so happy you found it and that you’re enjoying it ^^ And ugh, damn timezones, they ruin everything!! lol I hope you’re having an amazing day ^^

@angelbeats47 said: YO SARA!!! I'm really getting angry reading I Won't Stop You!!! Like seriously you're writing is fantastic and I can't handle this anymore.... I literally threw my pillow as I finished reading the latest chapter 😡😡😡😡 THIS STORY IS TOO GOOD! I'M GETTING MAD BECAUSE I GOTTA WAIT ANOTHER WEEK FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER 😫😫😫😩😩😩 ugh so good so good 👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽

Hiya doll! :3 You only have to wait another 6 days so it’s not too far away right? c: hehe, thank you so much for reading and I’m sorry it makes you angry :P I hope you’ll enjoy the next chapter!!

Anonymous said: I die every Tuesday bc of your clifghangers!!! Asdfhklhdf your work is so good,  i literally binge read all of 'i won't stop you' yesterday and its killing me inside!! Also, a part of me wants yoongi to fall in love with her and become a better person but i also want her to end up with jungkook ahhhhh can u feel my pain T__T

Awh thank you so much my dear! Glad to know that you’re enjoying the story and I’m sorry about the frustration you feel heh ^^ Have an awesome day/night!!

[themoneybuff-blog]

Questions About Car Seats, Leftovers, Medical Insurance, Budget Brands, and More!

Whats inside? Here are the questions answered in todays reader mailbag, boiled down to summaries of five or fewer words. Click on the number to jump straight down to the question. 1. Early or late retirement contributions? 2. Purchases for infrequent use 3. Used car seats? 4. Excessive leftovers 5. Friends want me to spend 6. Value of one bag living 7. Buying a house on $35K 8. How to avoid drive-thrus 9. Medical insurance difficulties 10. Budget brands? 11. Starting career advice 12. Thoughts on taekwondo One of the most enjoyable parts of writing this mailbag column is the wide variety of comments and questions I get from readers. I usually try to keep the stuff I choose for the mailbag at least somewhat within the realm of personal finance, maybe slipping in one or two questions or comments a week that arent related to the topic, but I get quite a lot of great stuff from readers that covers completely different topics that I just cant reasonably fit into the mailbag. For example, just in the last week or two, Ive received the following notes from readers: A reader wrote in to talk about the joys of playing Magic: the Gathering with her son and how they were building Commander decks together. A reader wrote in to encourage me to pick up some of the writings of the philosopher Byung-Chul Han, particularly his essays Psychopolitics and The Scent of Time (which Im currently reading). A reader has been trying to get me to debate him concerning a number of hot button political issues. A reader has been writing to me consistently for weeks asking for step-by-step help in getting a batch of homemade kombucha to work. A reader invited me to his dynasty fantasy football league. Thats just over the last several days. Honestly, I love this kind of thing, because it represents human connection. Theres a sharing of ideas and interests and a sharing of concern behind all of it that goes way past merely writing about financial issues, and it means a lot to me, even if its not fodder for the mailbag. Speaking of the mailbag, here are this weeks questions. Q1: Early or late retirement contributions? Is it better to contribute to a Roth IRA early in the year or as late as possible? I have money set aside for my 2019 Roth contribution but I dont know if I should do it now or wait. Brian Unless theres some specific reason thats unique to your situation that points to waiting, you should put those savings in there as soon as possible. The longer the money is invested, the more time you have for compound interest to work in your favor. Having said that, investment markets are unpredictable. Theres always a chance that right after you put your money in, the markets dip. Remember that this could happen no matter when you put your money in there. You could put your money in now and immediately see a dip, or you could wait until next February to put it in and immediately see a dip. The difference is that, on average, its much more likely that the investment youre putting your money into will go up in value over that period. If you wait, its very likely that youre going to miss out on growth. Put your retirement money away in retirement accounts as soon as you can. Dont sit around holding them, because youre usually doing nothing more than missing out on growth if you do that. Q2: Purchases for infrequent use Im considering purchasing a pair of bowling shoes. I only bowl once or twice a year, but it seems like its a wise investment since I could get a pair of perfectly good bowling shoes for around $25 instead of paying $3 or so each time to rent them. How do you view rarely used purchases like this that, while adding to the stuff you own, will eventually pay for themselves? Adam My philosophy on purchases like these is similar to yours. I try to look at the total cost of ownership of the item over an extended but still reasonable period of time, like five years, and I figure out which is going to cost less. I also consider how frequently Ill actually use the item, and it basically has to be annually at the very least and preferably much more frequent than that. That type of thinking requires full honesty to be valuable. So, in your situation, is it cheaper to rent shoes for $3 a pop twice a year for five years or buy a pair of shoes for $25 once? Well, the cost for rental over that period is $30, so Id probably swing toward buying a pair, assuming that Im bowling twice a year. If you assume that its actually going to be much less than twice a year, youre going to be better off renting. I usually use a five year measure for calculations like this, because I figure its pretty hard to predict accurately what my life will be like beyond that time threshold and its also probably a reasonable guess as to the wear and tear that an item can take. Usually, with a five year calculation, its obvious whether its a good move or not. Again, in this situation, those bowling shoes arent going to be worn out after ten wears, so its likely you will be able to continue wearing them at that point or theyll have some minor secondhand value. This pushes the pendulum even more toward buying them. Q3: Used car seats? I am expecting in November. My husband and I are starting to pick up baby items from FB Marketplace and Craigslist. Whenever a carseat is listed on Marketplace someone always comments that you shouldnt buy used carseats because theyre not safe. How are used carseats not safe? Amy A carseat is one of the few baby options I wouldnt buy used. The reason is simple: a big part of whats protecting that baby when theyre in the carseat is plastic, and you dont know how that plastic has been treated. Theres some chance that the plastic has become brittle and could easily crack or break in a severe impact, just when you need it the most. This can happen, for example, if a carseat has been left in the sun too much over the course of years. Its not an issue of negligence its an issue of you not knowing the history of that carseat. It may have had years of sunlight exposure, rendering the protection that it offers your child much weaker. Most baby items are fine to buy used clothes and baby monitors and things like that. Those arent things that will cause calamity if they fail and its usually obvious if theyre doing their job or not. A car seat, though, is something you should invest in. 99.9% of the time, it wont matter, but 0.1% of the time, it matters more than anything else and youll never, ever want to skimp on that situation. Q4: Excessive leftovers On any given night we will have 2-7 people at our house for dinner. By default we cook for 7 but that means that many nights we have a ton of leftovers. We eat leftovers for lunch every day but they still get tossed a lot. We cant give them to the food pantry either. Ideas? Andy My first suggestion would be to simply have a leftover buffet night for dinner twice a week or so. On, say, Wednesdays and Saturdays, just pull out all leftovers, put them on the table, and let people assemble their own plates of leftovers and heat them up (or heat up the hot items before putting them on the buffet). That way, the leftovers get consumed directly and you have a free dinner. Another suggestion is to frequently make meals and side dishes that are easy to remix into another meal if you have a low turnout. For example, if you make a bunch of spaghetti, you can save it for two nights and then mix in a few additional spices, put it in a greased 9 by 13 pan, put a couple cups of mozzarella and provolone shredded cheese on top, and bake it for 30-45 minutes, covered for the first half, to make a nice spaghetti bake. We also often have plain vegetables as a side dish and save the leftovers to make quick soups later on, for example. A final suggestion is that on nights where you have a low turnout, simply prep leftover plates for the next night and have the same thing for dinner again, or prepare a different dinner the next night for just the two who ate the night before. I dont think you need to feel obligated to have a fresh meal on the table for whoever happens to show up each night. Q5: Friends want me to spend Im 23 and got a nice job out of college paying $45K per year. Several of my friends from college are in the same area and have jobs as well so its fun to hang out with them, but it feels like they want to blow their income as fast as possible. They go out drinking and to clubs constantly, upgrade their phones all the time, ride around in Ubers when they have cars, and throw money at stupid stuff. I want to get rid of my student loan debt and start saving for a house and Im already contributing to retirement so I can get out of this as young as possible. Its not like Im avoiding fun but theres a ton of stuff to do that doesnt cost $50 or $100 for an evening. When I suggest anything else other than clubs or an expensive restaurant, I get ignored. Do you have any suggestions? Amy Find new friends? I mean, that sounds fairly cold, but it sounds like your values are diverging from the values that your friends hold, or perhaps they were always divergent and the income just exposed it. While I dont mind being acquaintances with people with drastically different lifestyles than my own, I have found its far more pleasant and easier to have close friends who have similar values and lifestyles to my own. That way, Im not pushed to overspend constantly just to spend time with my friends. I have been in situations where it felt like I had to pay some kind of admission fee (in the form of going out when I didnt want to) just to hang out with a friend and if I wasnt willing to do that, that person wouldnt hang out with me. That just isnt worth it. Id suggest digging into activities that you feel internally interested in doing. Find groups in your community that match up well with that by using things like Meetup and there youll find people who are also interested in what you happen to be internally interested in. Get involved in those groups. Youll find its not too hard to build friendships that way. Q6: Value of one bag living I found your post on one bag living to be interesting but not practical. Its not like more than maybe 0.001% of your readers will actually ever do it. What is the practical value of such an article? Ollie The practical value of it is that it really shows you how few items you actually need to have a happy and comfortable life, and when you realize that, you begin to realize how much extra unnecessary stuff you have and how much that stuff is costing you, both in terms of the stuff itself and the space youre paying for to store all of that stuff. Lets say, for example, that you decided to try it for a month. You packed a big duffel bag full of stuff and aimed to live solely out of that bag for that month. During the month, almost everything you use comes out of that bag other than maybe a few kitchen items, you really dont use anything else in your home. At the end of the month, youre left asking yourself what the point of all of that other stuff is. Why have any of it if youre able to have a great life without touching it? Why have shelves full of books and DVDs you never touch? Why have a television if you have a good life not watching it? This is likely to lead you to start downsizing your possessions, recouping some money along the way, and its also likely to lead you to question almost all of your physical purchases. If you keep going in that direction, youll find that you likely have excessive living space and can easily be satisfied with a smaller home or apartment, and if you downsize that, then youre on the way to some serious financial improvement in your life, as youre losing far less money to utilities, insurance, property taxes, and so on. Q7: Buying a house on $35K I am a single woman with a four year old child from a previous marriage; the father is not involved and avoids paying child support. We live in a small apartment in [a large city with a moderate cost of living]. I make $35K per year. My mom lives about five miles away and takes care of my son when Im working and hes not in preschool as she has a pension thats enough for her to live on because my father died in the workplace. I would like to be able to afford a small house for us and get out of this apartment building before hes too old because theres kind of a rough culture of teenage boys here. I would like to be in a house in four years. I have no debts and am saving about $200 a month for emergencies. Carrie First of all, Id contact a lawyer and do what you can to get child support. The cost of supporting your child should not be borne solely by you and hes legally obligated to provide financial help here even if hes uninvolved. Second of all, $200 a month in savings thats also used as an emergency fund isnt adequate to get to where you want to go in four years. I looked into your area and a small starter home is going to run you in the $300K range now and will probably be closer to $350K by the time you want to buy. 20% of $350K is $70K. If youre saving $200 a month, youll get to about $10K in four years if there are no emergencies. To get to $70K in four years, you need to be saving around $1,500 a month and have no emergencies that tap that money. Considering that youre making about $3,000 a month before taxes, thats an extremely difficult proposition. Thus, to make it to your target, youre going to have to do some radical things. The first thing I would do is sit down with your mother and discuss the option of cohabitation for a few years, with you splitting up the housing costs. If she could move into your apartment or you two could move into her dwelling and its a tenable situation for a few years, youll both save a mint. If youre paying $1,000 a month in rent and it suddenly drops to $500 a month, theres $500 a month toward savings, and probably more than that because youll have lower utility bills and you can more easily share food costs. You may find that after you buy that starter home, it may make sense to have your mother continue to live with you to keep costs manageable going forward, at least for a while. If you can swing something like that, use a lot of smart frugal tactics like sticking with store brand items when shopping, get on that child support issue, and keep working at your career to move toward a better salary, you can make this work. Without those kinds of big changes, this probably isnt a realistic goal. Q8: How to avoid drive-thrus How do you stop relying on the convenience of drive-thrus? I understand that its way cheaper to make meals at home but when I can just go to a drive-thru and get a quick meal and have it eaten before I even get home or eat it right when I walk in the door and theres no cleanup because I just toss the wrappers, its hard to convince myself to make a big mess making a meal at home. Leon There are a few good strategies for solving this problem that work well for different people. I suggest trying one for at least 30 days, see if it clicks with you or merely causes frustration, and either stick with it if it works or move on to another if it doesnt. First, try simply packing a meal for yourself at home before you leave in a small cooler. Make something simple that you like a sandwich and some baby carrots and a drink or whatever. Pack the individual items in reusable containers and put them in something insulated with an ice pack to keep it cool. Take that meal with you when you go out and save it at your desk or in a work fridge until youre ready to leave, then eat that on the way home. You can do the meal prep the night before while watching a television show and if you use reusable containers, cleanup is really just a matter of popping stuff in the dishwasher and wiping off the table (which youd need to do anyway). If you want, you can designate Fridays as eat out days and keep it as a treat for yourself for getting through the week. Another thing I strongly suggest is to simply get better at cooking at home. Cooking seems very difficult at first and even easy things like scrambled eggs feel like a giant mess and a big time and energy investment, but once you get more practiced, it stops feeling so challenging. Start by making really simple meals that you like grilled cheese sandwiches or scrambled eggs or spaghetti. Another strategy is to cook things in advance, make individual meals out of them in reusable containers, and keep them in the fridge. For example, you could make a huge batch of spaghetti one night and pack three or four individual meals of spaghetti with a breadstick in resealable containers in the fridge. Then, you can take them to work with you and youll also know that one is just waiting for you when you get home. Yet another strategy is to use a slow cooker. Start a simple dump meal before you leave (a dump meal means you just dump several ingredients in there and turn it on low) and youll have a hot home-cooked meal waiting for you when you get home. Slow cookers are great for stews, chili, soups, and simple casseroles; it can also make a mean pot roast. The goal of all of these things is to either put something in your hands directly so that youre not tempted to stop or have something at home waiting for you so youre not tempted to stop. Q9: Medical insurance difficulties I am covered by [a major medical insurer] through my workplace. A few months ago, I had a procedure done that my doctors office informed me would be fully covered by my insurance. They filed this with the insurance and the insurance company came back saying that the procedure wasnt medically necessary and wouldnt cover it, so my doctor is now billing me for it at the tune of $30K. I dont even know where to start. Should I contact a lawyer? Petra Without seeing the bills and documentation, I cant give you full advice on what to do. However, my first step would be to document every single detail that you can recall about this entire process, including dates and what you were told by both your doctors office and insurance. If you have any supporting documents, such as receipts and printed information about the procedure or about the costs, thats all valuable here. Then, I would go through the process of appealing this claim with your insurer, providing a copy of all of that documentation. An appeal should definitely be your first action. If you find that your appeal is denied, you should then discuss the matter with your doctor and attempt to get their bill reduced. If youre still finding that youre paying an excessive amount, then I would take all of this documentation to a lawyer and get legal help. It very much sounds like you were given inaccurate guidance from a doctors office and a lawyer can usually help here. Q10: Budget brands? Are there any budget brands you trust for making high quality stuff? Meaning brands that are cheap in price but the quality of their stuff is good? Darren The store brands at most department stores and grocery store chains fit that bill. For the vast majority of product types, the store brand is as good as most of the name brand options. They might not beat some of the really high end premium versions of those products, but the store brand is usually as good as 80% of similar items on the shelf. For things like charging cables and basic electronics like computer mice or keyboards, Ive found that Amazons generic brand, Amazon Basics, is really good for the price. For many different kinds of smaller electronic items, like external batteries for charging devices on the go or headphones or things of that nature, I strongly trust Anker. If theres an Anker option for a small electronic device, youre probably getting great bang for the buck with it. Those are the ones that immediately come to mind as brands that I strongly trust that consistently provide good bang for the buck across a wide variety of products. Q11: Starting career advice My oldest son is about to graduate from college with a degree in electrical engineering. I am collecting career advice from some people I respect to pass along to him. What advice would you give to a fresh college graduate in a technical field today? Robert First of all, treat the first decade of your career as an opportunity to build skills and relationships above chasing salary. A killer resume ten years from now will be worth a lot more than earning an extra $5K or $10K right out of the gate. If one job pays a little more but feels like a dead end, while the other job pays a little less but feels like its overflowing with opportunities and ways to build relationships, take the latter job in the first decade of your career. Second, if your workplace offers a 401(k) plan, take advantage of it immediately and contribute as much as you can stand. You will never regret this. Just do this and then start off with smaller take-home checks theyll still be a lot more than what you had in college. Pay yourself first. Third, no matter how tough a situation is, dont burn bridges, even if it would feel good. If youre moving on from a position, do it as gently as possible and be as positive and flexible as you can on your way out. Finally, eat healthy, get some exercise, get plenty of sleep, and dont work too many hours. If you dont do those things, youll be far less productive during your work time, the quality of work you produce will be lower, and youll have a harder time picking up new skills. If your workplace is obsessed with 80 hour workweeks, carve out as much of that 80 hours toward self care and rest that you can reasonably get away with. Q12: Thoughts on taekwondo I was wondering if you could share your thoughts on taekwondo from the perspective of both a parent of a student and as a participant with an eye toward cost. Is it worth it? Do your kids get value out of it? How about yourself? Brenda I attend a local taekwondo school with the rest of my family. It was an activity that my two oldest children wanted to try and the family plan isnt much more expensive than just the two of them participating, so when our family schedule lined up and our youngest was old enough, we all joined. In effect, our third family member was half price and the rest of us are effectively going for free, and the price has actually gone down as some family members have reached black belt rank (and those who havent are at a belt rank approaching black). First of all, if youre new to martial arts of any kind, its something you should shop around for. Any city of any size likely has a few martial arts schools; a larger city likely has some dedicated taekwondo schools with branches in various locations. Different schools offer different prices and different philosophies. Taekwondo is a martial art thats focused on fast, high kicking. That means that it really works hard on agility and balance. Theres also an emphasis on forms, which are sequences of kicks and other movements that are memorized and done from memory, which challenges a persons memory while physically exerting themselves. Our familys interest in martial arts lies much more in the realm of self improvement, character building, self defense, and fitness rather than training to fight. There are definitely martial arts schools that are very focused on simply training to fight, preparing people for things like mixed martial arts. Theres nothing wrong with that, but its not what Sarah or I were looking for in a school. We wanted a school where the merit wasnt in whether you defeat someone in a fight, but whether youre working hard and genuinely improving yourself so that youre better at the techniques, better in all around fitness, and better in character than you were the day before. Again, I have nothing against a school focused on fight-focused training, but its just not what Im looking for or what I would direct my children toward until theyre old enough to make those kinds of choices for themselves. Perhaps someday theyll take what theyve learned and move in that direction, and Im fine with that. When my oldest son and daughter began expressing a genuine interest in taekwondo, we shopped around for local schools that offered dedicated youth programs and were focused on a self-improvement type of martial art philosophy, and we found one that we liked that had classes near us, and over time, we all joined up. I think it has genuinely helped our children improve their ability to focus, their ability to overcome challenges, their character, and most definitely their ability to defend themselves and get out of a threatening situation. As a parent, Im thrilled with the impact taekwondo has had on them. As for myself, I joined because I agree in a deep philosophical way with the goals and direction of the school, as well as the fact that I was looking for a fitness program for myself and an opportunity to mutually encourage my family to be more fit. This hits all of those marks and with family rates, its pretty inexpensive. If you divide our session fees by five, theres absolutely no way any of us could be in a sport or a fitness program at these rates. If someone is interested in taekwondo or martial arts in general, Id start by figuring out why you want to do it. What are you hoping to get out of it, or what do you want your child to get out of it? Self-discipline? Fitness? Self-defense? Character? What are the one or two things you want most for yourself or for your child that you hope martial arts can provide? Start from there and shop around at a lot of schools in your area. Theyll all have different philosophies and centers of focus some of them will line up well with your own goals and philosophies, while others will go in a different direction (not wrong or bad, just different). Find some that match what you want, price compare them, and give one a try for a session and see if its right for you. Got any questions? The best way to ask is to follow me on Facebook and ask questions directly there. Ill attempt to answer them in a future mailbag (which, by way of full disclosure, may also get re-posted on other websites that pick up my blog). However, I do receive many, many questions per week, so I may not necessarily be able to answer yours. https://www.thesimpledollar.com/questions-about-car-seats-leftovers-medical-insurance-budget-brands-and-more/

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Ask Ausiello: Spoilers on Good Place, Riverdale, Timeless, B99, Resident, Million Little Things, Flash and More

Got a scoop request? An anonymous tip you’re dying to share? Send any/all of the above to askausiello@tvline.com

Question: Got any Riverdale scoop? What’s next for Archie? —Kerri Ausiello: When we last saw Archie in the fall finale, he was dyeing his famous red locks and making a run for the Canadian border. Executive producer Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa won’t tell us who he finds when he gets there, but “he is headed into the Canadian wilderness, for sure.” He won’t be seeing his dad Fred in the flesh anytime soon, though: It wasn’t shown on-screen, but the EP confirms that Fred did make it back into Riverdale before the quarantine came down.

Question: Any Million Little Things scoop? My friends and I are obsessed with it and hope it’s back for another season. —Montreal4 Ausiello: Remember how showrunner DJ Nash said that everyone in the group of friends has a secret they’ve kept? Look for Regina’s to come to light in Episode 14.

Question: Any scoop on what to expect when Grey’s Anatomy returns? —Al Ausiello: I will have a special holiday treat for you this coming Monday, so sit tight. In the meantime, I tried to get showrunner Krista Vernoff to share even the tiniest bit of intel about Jennifer Grey’s mysterious character and… I struck out. “I can’t [say anything],” she responded. “Because it would really ruin a twist and turn that I don’t want to ruin.” Hmm… I’m sticking with my initial prediction: She’s Jo’s mom.

Question: Anything on The Good Place? (Janet, specifically.) —Whitney Ausiello: Everyone’s favorite not-a-robot will be forever changed by having the humans materialize in Janet form, creator Michael Schur teases: ��The way to really have empathy for people is to walk a mile in their shoes, and she did, like, the inverse of that. A bunch of people walked in her weird body for a decent amount of time… so that is another contributing factor to her evolution.” He adds that the season finale “has some pretty wonderful ‘compare this version of Janet to the one you saw in the pilot’ kinds of scenes.” So enjoy, Janet fans!

Question: I’m glad Dorian finally confronted Kaleb about his feeding problem on this week’s Legacies. Can I stop worrying about MG now? —Susan Ausiello: I don’t think it’s ever safe to stop worrying about MG, but as far as Kaleb goes, it sounds like Dorian’s pep talk was just the beginning. “Kaleb has a lot of really big ideas, and a lot of opinions about how things should work,” series creator Julie Plec says. “Much like in the real world when a hot-headed teenager thinks he can second guess what makes the rules the rules, he’s going to have a rude awakening pretty soon where he realizes he doesn’t know as much as he thinks he knows.”

Question: The ending of New Amsterdam‘s fall finale makes me think that Max’s cancer is progressing quicker than first assessed. Will this affect the clinical trial Dr. Sharpe has gotten him into? —Malasha Ausiello: We brought your query to showrunner David Schulner, and he said: “While we can’t reveal here what happened to Max on that dock, we will in our first episode back January 8. But, you’re right to ask if this will affect Max’s clinical trial. It most definitely will. This setback will change a lot of things in Max’s life. And Dr. Sharpe’s too. Thanks for watching and caring and writing to TVLine about the show.”

Question: Will The Flash give us any more hints about what Nora seems to be hiding? —SSH Ausiello: Now that we know there is some sort of alliance with Eobard Thawne, you should expect “a flash-forward flashback episode” that explains “how all that came to be, which will be a lot of fun,” says showrunner Todd Helbing. “You’ll slowly start to get the pieces of info that you need, but there will probably be one episode where we explain how that all happened to get her to come back [in time].”

Question: Challenge: Make me look forward to the Schitt’s Creek holiday episode more than I am already. — Belinda Ausiello: TVLine’s resident Schitthead Charlie Mason promises me that, no matter how great your expectations are, you won’t be disappointed — the special totally “sleighs.” What’s more, he issues a warning that the episode reveals a potential stumbling block to Alexis and Ted’s rekindled romance that neither she nor we anticipated.

Question: I need to know two things about Timeless: First, will #lyatt have a baby? Two, is Jessica really pregnant with Wyatt’s baby? —Miwako Ausiello: In response to your second question, star Matt Lanter says, “We address that [in the series finale, airing Dec. 20]. We’ll find out.” As for Wyatt, he’s not suspicious of Jessica and her baby news. “We’ve seen Wyatt be blinded by love throughout the last two seasons, though, and this is nothing new for him,” Lanter says. “Inherently, he’s a good person with a good heart, and I think he has a hard time accepting that people he loves or cares about … wouldn’t be good. So I think it’s easier as an audience member to look at Jessica and go, ‘Yeah, she’s lying.’ But I think Wyatt is just more blind to things.”

Question: How many time periods will we see in the Timeless finale? —Amanda Ausiello: “There are two-plus time periods, I will say that, that we have not visited before,” showrunner Arika Lisanne Mittman shares, adding that the historical time trips highlight “ethnic representations that we have not seen before [on the show]. Both of these stories are things that [are about] lesser known historical figures. You get to meet some new people that you’ve probably never heard of.”

Question: I’d love a Resident scoop on Conrad/Nic. —Holly Ausiello: I hope you enjoyed the couple’s honeymoon phase while it lasted, because the back half of Season 2 will be “nothing but obstacles” for the pair, according to executive producer Todd Harthan. “In just about every episode, there’s a new one for them to overcome… and they just start stacking up,” Harthan says, adding that the couple will be especially preoccupied with the health of Conrad’s father and Nic’s sister. “It’s going to be a ‘hold on and hope that they make it’ kind of ride,” he teases.

Question: Any hints on how to solve the Blindspot episode title puzzle for Season 4? —Hannah Ausiello: “Oh man! We finally built a title puzzle this season that is legit very hard to crack,” showrunner Martin Gero answers. “I will say this: The puzzle is an homage to some our favorite TV series and how they title the shows. Figure out which, and you might be a step closer.”

Question: Creek’s death on Midnight, Texas was so awful. Please promise me no one dies in tonight’s episode! —Rina Ausiello: I cannot make that promise. But I can tell you that Mr. Snuggly makes it through OK. So that’s something… right?

Question: Got any red-hot Chicago Fire scoopage, Aus? —Gene Ausiello: I see what you did there and I’m… very amused. Well done. The NBC drama is planning some girls-only bonding time for Sylvie, Stella and Emily. “They’re going to go on a road trip to [Sylvie] Brett’s hometown,” showrunner Derek Haas previews. The episode will air the week of Valentine’s Day, “so we’re calling it the Galentine’s trip.” Before that, though, the show will explore Emily’s “attitudes towards dating, which are different than Brett’s, and I don’t mean LGBTQ,” Haas explains. “I mean more of what [Emily, who is bisexual] considers casual versus what Brett considers casual. All of those dynamics are going to be deepened.”

Question: March is far away. I want American Gods scoop now! —Rob Ausiello: Well, because you asked so nicely… Pablo Schrieber says the “antagonist and ally” relationship between Mad Sweeney and Laura Moon will be tested big time by his allegiance to Mr. Wednesday when the Starz drama returns for Season 2. The leprechaun’s destiny “is tied to [Wednesday], no matter what, but it’s also very thoroughly tied to her,” the actor says. “So Sweeney is walking the line, balancing what he owes Wednesday and what he’s realizing he feels in other places.” Hmm. Sounds a lot like we’ll see Laura kissing the Blarney Stone before the season’s over, am I right?

Question: Can you give us any Outlander spoilers? (Especially involving Brianna’s and Jamie’s meeting!?!) This is my first time doing this — hope I’m doing it correctly! —Carolina Ausiello: You did OK. I’ll send you some notes about how to refine your approach in a separate email. Regarding the question at hand, I turn it over to our resident sassenach, Kim Roots, who has seen the scene in question: “I have rather high standards for the huge moments on this show — the wedding night, the print shop reunion, etc. — and I was incredibly satisfied by how the father-daughter plays out in [episode number redacted according to Starz’s spoiler restrictions]. Fans of the book definitely won’t be disappointed.”

Question: Elizabeth and Henry on Madam Secretary are #couplegoals. Please tell me anything you can. —Mary Ausiello: An upcoming episode opens with the McCords taking a tango lesson. And one of them is significantly more skilled than the other.

This AAnd That… ♦ THE BLACKLIST: As teased in the Season 6 trailer, Red will spend some time behind bars after being double-crossed by a close confidant — but don’t count him out just yet. “He’s really been stripped of his superpowers,” series creator Jon Bokenkamp shares. “He’s disconnected from his resources, he may have friends who will fall away and he’s sort of on his heels, which is new for us.” But Bokenkamp assures fans that “if anyone could embrace the solitude of a cell and the experience of incarceration with open arms, it would be Raymond Reddington. We have really high stakes, but we also have some of the most fun we’ve had, as well.” ♦ BROOKLYN NINE-NINE: There will be one major.hilarious change when the sitcom makes the leap from Fox to NBC in January. “We’re allowed to bleep and blur [now],” series co-creator Dan Goor recently told us. “Fox had a no bleeping and no pixelation policy.” Now the gloves are off. “Some filthy, filthy things have been said,” added Terry Crews. “I had one [joke] where I’m ashamed. I’m actually very, very ashamed. It was so jarring that everyone was like, ‘Whoa,’ and we needed to regroup… But holy cow, we never heard language like that on the show.” ♦ CHICAGO PD: Burgess is not the only one who will have a reaction to Upton and Ruzek’s romance. In an upcoming episode, Jay “responds in a way I think you’d expect Halstead to respond,” showrunner Rick Eid teases, “and I think what’s going on in his head is a little different than what he says.” Eid also adds that Jay’s “relationship [with] Upton is interesting and evolving, so don’t sleep on that.” ♦ HOUSEKEEPING NOTE: This is the last AA of ’18 so happy holidays and all that jazz!

That’s a wrap! Please send questions, comments and anonymous tips to askausiello@tvline.com. (Additional reporting by Kim Roots, Andy Swift, Dave Nemetz, Vlada Gelman and Diane Gordon)

Source: https://tvline.com/2018/12/14/million-little-things-spoilers-season-1-episode-14-regina-secret/

[survivorelara]

Episode #14: “IDK WHAT TO DO W MY IDOL IF SAM GOES ILL CRY FOR LIKE 3 YEARS BUT I WANT TO BE SAFE ;(” - Loris

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it's the fricking final  FIVE!!!!!!!! i feel like an icon,,, right ok so. tea lately? im winning... like look at everyone in the final 5 rn,,, if we go back to final 8 or 9 or sumn,,, out of us who would u say would be in the final 3... me bitch duh. anyways like.. i got to play mi legacy screeeeeeeee!! AND I still have my idol and if u think im playing that on anyone else lol!! i probably will dont quote me. anyways tea final four sooooooooooooooooon. woop woop. sam has me convinced it's a final two and the winner of fic gets to remove a juror. THAT'S CUTE. i'd love to go to the end with sam i love sam. umm.. like im pretty sure id beat him the jury hates him?? they hate me?? but him morE?? i also played GOOD. doot doot! boop boop

Well, I made it to F5, and this is where things really start falling into place, if my plans are proper, I shouldn't run into any issues. Though I WOULD like to win this challenge if only because I wanna be the one with the most challenge wins at the end, just as an additional notch on my belt.

HOWEVER, I can't seem to get this damn challenge right because of how much I suck. I keep fucking it up, over and over, and it SUCKS. Especially since I keep fucking up sooner and sooner every time.

Hopefully I can get my shit together, things should go fine though so long as Roxy doesn't win immunity, or Sam for that matter since I think Ci'ere and Roxy could try to pull a fast one given how obvious it is that Loris has the idol.

Anyway, here's to it all working out somehow.

Well I won immunity, which is a good thing and the most ideal for me, as it's another challenge under my belt, and it guarantees I make F4.

Currently I'm having a hard time seeing this vote not go my way, Sam and I are both voting Roxy, and presumably Loris is too, and that's majority right there. Funnily enough Roxy was trying to get Sam to flip on me in a F4 scenario or something, which was interesting, but if anything I just feel more justified in voting her out add in that whole tie vote fiasco, and I'm ready to send her home. (I love her to death though, she's such a sweetheart, and I do feel bad voting her out, but I have my own game to think about.)

Ideally Ci'ere will end up voting out Roxy as well, and at F4 I've got two F3 deals and I think I've got reasonable odds in both. Knowing that Loris had two advantages, and just how people seem to think he's this giant threat, I feel almost that I HAVE to vote him out at F4 if the opportunity is there. I think his game is flawed, but it'll all come down to perception, and he's perceived as someone who'll win against anyone.

Alternatively Ci'ere has had a more independent game, though I think I have a stronger case than his, but I could be wrong, maybe the jury will like him more, I can't really say.

Above all else despite all my plans, I'm happy I won this challenge, and I hope I get to FTC as that's all I've ever wanted and this'll be the first time I will have done it.

https://youtu.be/hd8d17Uos6k

Sigh...

So Sam got a brilliant plan together, that could potentially take Loris out. But then Ci'ere told me he wants a F3 of him me and Roxy, which I'm not a fan of. I'd much rather just drag my goat to the end, and drive things my way.

We'll see how things go, I'm not a huge fan of this plan, but I might go along with it just because it seems fun. Regardless though this plan requires Sam to vote Loris, as I will 100% be voting Roxy. If Loris idols himself, I voted Roxy, and I didn't necessarily break blood with Loris. If Loris idols Sam, then Loris goes, and I didn't vote against him, and can hopefully pull for his vote.

So I'm still trying to bend this situation to my favor. Though I'm more in favor of just dueling Loris at F4 since that's what I was expecting. I could honestly just tell Loris to idol himself to force this vote a particular way, but honestly I think I'm in a situation that honestly it doesn't matter who's at the end so long as one of Loris or Roxy go home now, since I'll likely have to win immunity to make it to F3 anyway.

I WANT TO DIE OK SO CIEREMESSAGED ME SAYING SOMETHING LIKE WE NEED TO MAKE LORIS THINK ITS YOU AND NOW APPARENTLY KORI WANTS ME OUT At final 4 GIRL IK NOT SURPRISED ... IDK WHAT TO DO W MY IDOL IF SAM GOES ILL CRY FOR LIKE 3 YEARS BUT I WANT TO BE SAFE ;(

ok.... I don't even know how to start confessing this round. really mad I fucked up and didn't win immunity cause that would've made this vote SO much less tricky. but alas, kori is immune, and guess what, loris has the idol. as we all are aware of now. these are the 2 people I DONT want in the f3 with me, because they both can beat me, whereas I feel I can beat the other two, so that had me thinking. does this mean one of my ideal f3 will have to leave, meaning I'll lose the game?

then it hit me, the most fucked up plan I could think of. loris has been my RIDE or DIE the entire merge phase of this game. words cant even describe how much I adore the kid, but like I said if he makes it to the end of this game, he wins the whole thing. that's how well I feel he's done. definitely enough to beat me. I know loris, and he isn't a dummy. i know that if he felt he had too, he would play his idol on me, because he's aware that if I ended up leaving this round, he'd be alone at f4 with everyone else wanting him out. so I started to wonder, what if I could make him play his idol on me, then vote him out…

so I got to work. I approached both ciere and roxy first and told them that one of us 3 is going because kori is immune and loris has the idol. and if that were the case, then the other 2 left in the game couldn't win because either loris or kori would take the cake if they are both in the f4. I had to convince them that us 3 making the f4 is best for all of our games. I told them to go to loris and start completely gutting me to him, convince him that everyone else is voting me. telling loris that they feel he's too selfish to not use the idol on himself. once word got to him and he came to me about it, I immediately started saying well great man its been fun love ya dude... but I wish you the best of luck at f4 since without me youll be alone. basically hinting at him to use the idol on me

then there is kori… he needs to go next, there's no question about it. but I had to try and convince him that voting loris out now while he has the chance is in his best interest, and that we've been a f2 this whole game and if worse comes to worse I would vote with him at f4. claiming that if loris makes it, kori will be the bigger threat. I started to leak false alliances to him, to try and get him to feel some type of way that im the only one he can trust, and that me staying this round and loris leaving is our best chance at both making it to ftc, because he wants to go with me since clearly he would win against me... that's how I convinced him to hop on my insane, wild, stupid plan to tell loris im the one leaving so he can play his idol on me. then another emma happens and he goes this vote…

If this plan works out, it will be absolutely brilliant, but also hands down the most brutal thing ive done in any org I've played, hence why I'm so frenetic. I can't say this enough but ill say it once, loris does NOT DESERVE THIS AT ALL. not at all. He has been one of my absolute favorite allies ive ever had in an org, and I couldn't be happier to have met him. What I'm doing to him this vote is honestly so brutal I can't even explain how brutal it is. But I came here to win. That's why I play orgs, is to go as far as I absolutely can. And if loris makes it to f4, I don't win. Period. My best shot at winning this game is going f3 with ciere and Roxy, and all im doing is trying my best to ensure that happens so i have the best shot at winning this game. Sure this could blow up in my face and get me voted out instead, but I feel and hope ive done a pretty good job at explaining and convincing how one of those 2 will win this game if they both make f4 and that ciere and Roxy stand a way better chance against me. Here goes nothing, I came to play hard and take risks, so heres one of the biggest risks yet. I'm so so so sorry loris, I just, fucking love you god I hate orgs Why do I put myself through these.

Random thoughts featuring me, Ci’ere!: I think this plan worked a lil too well I convinced Loris to vote out Sam and not use the idol on him but if I can't vote out Loris or Kori Sam is the next best thing and a move for myself sam loris and kori have a final 3 sam told Loris about our final 3 with Kori Kori tells me that Loris has an idol and Sam also tells me that he has one moments later but Loris was planning to vote for Roxy Loris plans to vote to Roxy because he thinks that this plan to get Loris to play an idol on Sam is impossible Sam comes up with a brilliant plan to get Loris to play his idol on Sam which would need convincing by me Loris has no relationship with Roxy and Kori is trying to be this saint and doesn't wanna be in on it Roxy was originally trying to vote for me in the event that Loris played the idol on himself everyone feels closest to Sam: Loris, Kori, Roxy and maybe even me even if I don't want to be taking out Sam would be a move that I could call my own I went off on Kori because he's acting like he's superior for winning immunity and that he'll win the next one too. I'm gonna do everything in my power to prevent that from happening. I also went off on Roxy because she acted fake and sent me hearts that she was down to vote for Loris when she was already told that he had an idol I was very hangry... I had a very long talk with Loris and I was trying to convince him that I would vote for Sam. I believe it worked, but it worked just a little too well because Loris wants to now vote for Sam as well ASDFG I also accidentally slipped and told Loris "we need Loris to believe that it's you" or something of the sort. Luckily, I saved myself by scapegoating Kori and telling Loris that I acted on Kori's delusions that I would vote out Loris in a f4 situation if we were to take out Sam. This means promising Loris that I'm taking him to the end and whew gurl between Kori and Loris I'm not even sure what I'd do but Loris has played better I believe Sam tried turning all of us on each other while he'd be the middleman and have a clear shot at making it to the end with a great story. Which means Sam's relationship with Loris isn't as strong as Sammy thot ASDF Okay nvm Sam just got confirmation that Loris is idoling him OMG THIS WORKED??? I'M SHAKING Sam might've came up with the plan, but I put it into motion and convinced Loris that we were all gunning for Sam & I also got Kori to tell Loris that he was voting Sam. I spooked Loris into voting me... I'd say my acting skillz were on point for this one hehe If Loris happens to end up idoling himself and voting for me or he in fact does vote for Sam, I need a safety net and I need to make sure the next best thing is sent home. So I’m going to be voting for Sam as a precautionary measure because sis ain’t going nowhere okcurrrr.

Loris is voted out 3-1-1*

[wirakor-blog]

Chapter 2: The Nest

After I explained what was going on, most of them seemed like they regretted volunteering, but Warren and Ingrid seemed a little too excited about it. In my car was Larry, Tommy, Ingrid and Henry, the other car had Alex, Ryan, Karen, Warren, Gus and Mike. This nest that Celestine pointed out was about 35 miles north of our base, the ride there was pretty smooth, nothing to much to worry about. As we approached we noticed that there were a lot of Wirakor. More than we have ever seen in one group.

“Alright guys, Henry, Karen and Mike, take the fire crackers and go distract them, please. Be careful. Larry, Warren, Tommy and Alex, help me carry the explosives to the nest. Ingrid and Gus watch our 6, and Ryan, stay back and watch for other people, or if things go south, take the car back and tell them what happened. Everyone understand?”

“Yes sir.” Larry jokingly says

“Understood.” Tommy said barely audible.

“Loud and Clear.” Ingrid said with a smirk, I couldnt tell if she was mocking me or just excited.

The others nodded.

“Good, then move out.”

We waited for the sound of the firecrackers.

Pop Pop Pop

We hurried over to the nest as we see them all run towards that direction. I turned around to see if I could find them, the three made it back to Ryan safely. The smell of the nest was horrid and it felt as if it were burning my lungs. Inside was even worse, the floor was covered in this sticky substance that was hard to walk on. There was something in the middle of the building, it looked like a beating heart, so thats where we decided to place the explosives. As we are planting the explosives Gus leans in and whispers.

“I see one walking back, you better hurry up.”

I looked up to see and I was sure it had spotted us, it felt like I made eye contact with it. He screeched the others came running towards us.

“Fuck! Ingrid have them start the cars. Hurry the fuck up and plant these quicker.”

Panicking, I knew what had to be done.

“Go back to the car!”

“Davey, we arent leaving you!”

“Damnit Larry, thats a fucking order! Id rather die alone then bring you all down. Go now!”

“Fuck your orders, I am not leaving you behind.”

“Fine! The rest of you, leave now!”

While the others followed my orders, Gus stayed back, trying to by us time. Its like he didnt even hear what I said, he didnt even think about leaving. There was no more time to be wasted. They had entered the building. I lit the fuse and we all ran.

“Ah! Fuck!”

I turned around and saw Gus on the ground. I ran back as fast as I could, but it was too late. The bastards had gotten him, the screams that Gus let out were terrifying.

“Im sorry Gus…”

But it was too late, he didnt hear me, he was already gone. They started running towards me again.

“Davey! Lets go or youll end up like him!”

Before I reached the car the bomb went off. We didnt realize how big the explosion would be and I went flying. I dont remember after that. All I know is I woke up in the hospital bed. Celestine, Larry and Melissa, the nurse, were all beside me. I jumped up and immediately regretted it as pain shot through my body. Celeste jumped out of her seat and pushed me back down.

“Oh thank god youre okay…”

Larry walks over

“I was worried about you brother, one hell of an explosion.”

“How long was I out for?”

Melissa, with hesitation,

“Um, almost a week…”

“What? Are you serious? Did everyone else make it back?”

Melissa nods.

“Yeah, everyone but Gus.” Larry almost choked up. Gus was one of his close friends as well.

Celestine looking sharply at the nurse and Larry

“Could you give us a minute?”

They both nodded and left. She slaps me across the face.

“Ow! Fuck was that for?”

“Scaring me. I almost lost my best man out there. But good news, I sent the scouts back out and the nest is completely gone, the whole building was brought down. Not a single Wirakor in that area. The plan fucking worked.”

“Good. Gus didnt die for nothing.”

“We are currently trying to locate more. I think we finally figured out how to kill them effectively, and in big numbers.” Celeste said with a huge smile.

“Yeah, I just hope we dont have to lose more men like that. His screams, they were unbearable to hear.” I said sitting up, with each slow movement being painful and taking the breath out of me more and more.

“Dave, you know what its like out there. It breaks my heart to say it, but we will lose more people. But I think they are okay with it knowing that the Wirakor numbers would go down this drastically.”

She gets even closer and hugs me. I gasp in pain as she tightens the hug a bit more.

“Please. Dont scare me again like that.” She gets off and walks out telling them to come back in.

I wont lie, I was kind of hoping for another kiss, perhaps another time. Larry and Melissa come back in.

“So, you smash yet?” Larry whispered in my ear.

“Its not like that, she just…” Larry cutting me off just like Celeste.

“Bro, she is totally into you. You should feel honored haha.”

“Maybe. I dont know, you mind getting me some water?”

“Sure.” He walks out of the room.

“Melissa, you got anything for this pain?”

“This should help.”

She sticks a needle into my arm, there is this green liquid in the syringe.

“What is that?”

“Its a drug that numbs the nerve endings, reducing your pain. You should be good to go tomorrow morning.”

“Thank you so much. You too Larry.” He hands me the glass of water.

“Ill see you around, I gotta go for a quick run.”

“Be careful out there.”

I lay back down in my bed. She was right, the pain is basically gone. That stuff is wonders.

I woke up, the pain isnt as bad, but before leaving I get another dose. I walk out to the main lobby and everyone starts cheering and thanking me and welcoming me back. I grab a plate of food and sit down. Eating was a pain in the ass as well. My whole body was aching. Celeste was waiting in my room.

“Hey Dave. Can we talk?” she seemed really nervous.

“Yeah, everything alright?”

“Its Larry. He hasnt returned since he left and he lied to me, said he was bringing a group. He left by himself.”

“Hell is his problem? He knows whats out there. Why would he just…” I trailed off.

“Celeste. I know where he is going.”

“What? How?” she seemed a little pissed.

“Well… I didnt want to say anything yet. But Larry and I, we planned to leave for a while. Go to America, see if we could find out families. Bring them back. And I am assuming he has to be going to the docks. He probably found a boat. Although I cant say the reason. We were supposed to go together.”

“What the fuck dave? When were you gonna tell me? Huh? I mean whats your problem? Just gonna leave? Were you even going to tell me?” She walks over and slaps me again. Im still weak and I stumble.

“Of course I was going to! Just not yet, we didnt plan on going soon.”

“I cant fucking believe this.” She isnt even looking at me anymore.

“Celeste…”

“Stop it.”

“Celeste. Would you want to help us?”

She looks at me, staring sharply.

“I have a faction to run. I cant leave. But I wont stop you. And if you do leave. Dont bother coming back.” She slams the door.

“Fuck!”

I slammed my desk, and once again immediately regret it as pain went through my body. I started packing my belongings and headed to see Celeste before heading out.

Knock Knock

“Who is it?”

“David.”

“Go away asshole!”

“I just wanted to say goodbye. Im leaving now.”

“Like that? All in pain?”

“Well yeah, Larry didnt really give me a choice.”

“Hold on.”

I wait outside her room. She comes out geared up.

“I wont go to America, but ill take you to the docs.”

So we leave the bunker and start our long journey to the docs.

[amazingviralinfo]

Thursday, December 13, 1979

2 PM on a cold, rainy afternoon. I felt good today even though I didnt sleep very well last night. But I got out of the house this morning at 7 AM and drove to the Junction; because of the LIRR strike, theres no alternate parking.

Getting a seat on the train, I arrived at SVA around 8:30 AM. I entertained my class by reading them my own stories and Crad Kilodneys, and when they enjoyed them, I felt good about it.

On Tuesday were having a party; I can do the final grades this weekend, and then Ill be free of responsibilities.

Theres much to dislike about this city, yet I feel an overwhelming affectionate loyalty to New York. I cant imagine any other place making me feel this good.

I guess its like the old house in Brooklyn: I miss it terribly. I imagine coming home in the middle of the day, walking in to the hustle and bustle of Maud cleaning, Mom putting away groceries, Jonny working out to loud music in the basement.

Sometimes I feel like looking back six months and wondering how it got to be this way. If Mom and Dad hadnt moved, I probably would have gone to Albany; I wonder how I would have liked it.

There are moments I cant believe Im living alone in New York City in 1979. It definitely feels like the end of the decade. The Iranian crisis seems to drag on monstrously, as if the hostages will never be released.

What if Im going to die with the decade? I think Id die happy. I accomplished a lot more than I ever thought I would. If I die, Ill be leaving something behind: a book, lots of stories, my diaries, memories of a lot of people.

Lets just put it this way: Im prepared to die, but Im also prepared to live. God knows what my world will be like in another ten years, but Im certain its going to be an interesting time.

Perhaps many people would say I lived a sheltered life, that Ive missed so much and at times I feel that, too but on the whole (are we getting really banal here?), Ive enjoyed myself enormously.

Maybe one day Ill look back on this particular time with nostalgia, the way I now look upon my undergraduate days. I can always talk about the time I lived like a pauper in Rockaway, just on the verge of success.

I finished reading The Glittering Prizes; I loved it and identified like mad with its protagonist, Adam Morris, the writer who finally makes it and yet doesnt make it.

One day I may be pretty rich, and I predict I wont be happier at that time than I

Dont get me wrong: Im still very scared about the future. But somehow, at least right now, it doesnt matter so much what happens to me.

Monday, December 17, 1979

9 PM. Its so cold I cant think of anything else. Theres absolutely no heat and the wind-chill factor is six below zero. I dont know how Im going to get through the night.

I have on thermal underwear and a bathrobe, and Im under three blankets and a heating pad. The wind is racing through my apartment. Even my diary is as cold as ice. God knows how Ill sleep tonight.

All I can think about it is that in a week Ill be in Florida. I feel miserable right now, unable to enjoy even the good things that happened today. Ironically, they passed a rent fuel-pass-along increase today; Ill be damned if Im going to pay it.

Damn landlords! They suck. How many people all over New York must be freezing like I am because of their landlords stupid greed. I just want to get out of New York.

Today I definitely decided that I must be out of here as soon as I can. Ill take any job out of town, and if I dont get one, Ill move in with my parents. Living alone in New York sucks.

Hell, today I was videotaped for a PBS documentary, was invited to read my fiction at the University of Louisvilles Annual Conference on 20th Century Literature, got a letter from John Gardner praising me for my writing, found a press release from Taplinger containing great quotes from reviews, and got a letter from Susan Fromberg Schaeffer telling me to hang on.

Can I hang on? Not much longer. Im wildly unhappy.

I suppose thats narcissism. Maybe Im wrong. I probably am. Still, I know what it feels like to go to bed cold and to feel as though life isnt worth living. My problem is that I know that life is worth living: I see people who lead satisfying and comfortable lives, but Im just not among them.

People like Roger Weisberg, the PBS producer, or Gregory Jackson, the host of the program who interviewed me: theyve made it. They can take time out

But they dont live the lives that more unfortunate people do. They ride taxis and dont have to wait an hour for a subway to get from Columbus Circle to Washington Square, the way I did.

I hope my interview does some good, but I doubt it will, for there will always be greedy people like Fabrikant making money off others misery. Fabrikant was evil; my landlord is evil; they are banal, but then you know Hannah Arendt.

Someday, if I survive, a lot of good is going to come out of this pain. Still, on the whole, it would be better not to have to go through this.

Hell, this is not the diary entry I wanted to write. I would have liked to give detailed descriptions of my day with the TV crew of From Back Wards to Back Streetsand write about my feelings about the nice mail I got today.

But the mail uppermost in my mind are the bills. Im almost to the point where I cant think about art because my necessities arent provided for.

Tuesday, December 18, 1979

The heat finally did come on late last night and I did sleep fairly well. This morning I found I had a flat tire, so I took the subway to school: four different trains in the rush hour, and I was still half an hour late to SVA. We had a so-so party; most of my class went to a better one next door. I showed up with my fly open, which sort of set the mood for the day.

It was freezing again. When I got home, I called the AAA, and when they came, they inflated my tire, and I went to buy a new one: another $57 gone.

The toilet stopped up, and Tom, the Irish handyman, came up and fixed it. He said my bed was in bad spot between the two windows, and so we moved it. After Tom left, I rearranged the other furniture for half an hour, but finally I think Ive got it the way I want it. It does feel warmer this way.

At SVA, I handed in my grades, and so for the next six weeks I am a free man! Ive decided not to do the textbook job, as it just isnt worth the hassles to be paid so little.

The item was called The Wrath of Fred, and referred to me as playful prankster Richard Grayson. (I like that, I must admit.) It was about Silverman and NBCs peacock getting their feathers ruffled by my joke about drafting him for President.

It was quite sympathetic to me, who was portrayed as a nice pract

On Saturday, Marie told her that Melvin mentioned reading about me and seeing my book in the window of the Waldenbooks on Wall Street. Among people who know me, Im sure, Im being talked about.

Susan Schaeffer wrote that with your writing ability and genius for publicity, youll make it. Pack a box lunch. Besides, she said, I should get some satisfaction knowing that every success I have just makes Baumbach madder.

I do like Susan. Shes recommending me to Yaddo and MacDowell.

And did The Conference on 20th Century Literature in Louisville wants me to read Nice Weather, Arent We. I think its worth it for me to go. Ill

Mom and Dad said theyll pay for my fare, and there should be a small honorarium. I just want to go to a place where Ill be treated with respect, so Ill go to Louisville at the end of February and hope it will be a good experience.

Wednesday, December 19, 1979

10 PM. Last night I finished Scott Sommers Nearings Grace and was very impressed with it. Its a novel that worked totally for me; it was quite moving.

Moving the bed was the smartest thing I ever did, as I didnt freeze last night and slept well. It felt luxurious to lie in bed all morning, especially on a snowy day like today. I spent the morning in my underwear, cleaning, exercising, taking care of correspondence, watching game shows, and just enjoying my freedom.

Too bad about the snow, but I didnt really have to go anywhere. About three or four inches fell, and it was slippery, so I decided not to drive and went to Kings Plaza by bus.

Back home, I did the laundry, read the papers, made dinner. When Mom called, I managed to sound less depressed than I had during our last conversation. In five days Ill be in Florida for what will be both a homecoming and a visit.

Ive been living on my own for two months now, a fact which still amazes me at odd moments. Today, for example, I was putting a new roll of paper towels in the thingamajig in the kitchen when it suddenly struck me: I have my own apartment.

Friends are very important; I feel closer to Alice and Avis and Ronna, all of whom I talked to today, than I do to any member of my family. Yet theres something in a family that friends cant duplicate.

Gee, Im starting to get nervous about flying. Last Saturdays anx

Especially after the past few days, I need a warmer climate, and I need a respite in order to marshal my resources for what I dont know, but Ive gone through so many changes that I need to rest up and take stock.

1979 has been the year I finally took risks. My book was published, and I became something of a celebrity. I moved out on my own. My parents moved to Florida. I began therapy again. I taught another six college classes and earned more money than I ever had though not enough, certainly, for me to support myself comfortably.

Will I ever stop being so frightened? I feel a need to shiver, to be held by someone wholl tell me that its all going to be all right. How about my trying it myself? Richie, everythings going to be all right.

(Convincing?)

Thursday, December 20, 1979

4 PM. It will be dark soon. This is a very strange time in my life; I feel as though Im going through new experiences all the time. Now that Im free of school, I have time to reflect on all the changes.

Ive been annoyed by the artificial parts of my body in need of repair: my capped tooth and my left contact lens. But I want to postpone work on t

Maybe Im placing too much hope on this trip. Twenty-five days in Florida is not going to change my life. In a month, Ill be back here and there still will be two months of winter to get through and Ill have a hectic schedule teaching, and no doubt Ill be miserable again.

I dont have much to look forward to. But slowly my life is changing. The accumulation of publicity is working. Every day I meet someone or hear of a third person whos seen my name in the papers.

Last night Pete Cherches said that Bruce Chadwick exclaimed that Id gone out of kilter because my name is in the Post every other day.

Is there any point in it? I think so. The point is I need an escape hatch from a dull, impoverished existence. Im aware that my playful prankster activities are moronic, but they do seem to have value in the eyes of the media and hence the public.

That Ive become a minor celebrity is actually a sad commentary on the times: people are so starved for gossip, trivia and weirdness.

But writing, after all, is the important thing. Today my story, Douglas,

But Im finished with that stage of my career. I need to go on to something new. I know Ive been saying that for a year and a half, and in all that time, Ive written almost nothing. Yet I am a writer, and eventually Ill find what needs writing about.

Last night I called Ronna to say goodbye. She said that Susan and Evan saw the two copies of Hitler in Waldenbooks at Kings Plaza and looked through them (of course they didnt buy).

Evan told Ronna that she should get a good libel lawyer. What an asshole he is: he and Susan are little people living little lives. Susan must hate me

As Crad Kilodney says, You should take satisfaction where it comes because theres not much of it around.

So I have no money, but I did fulfill my dreams. I know this must sound pompous Im sure Ronna would say it does but I dont care anymore. After all, this is my diary.

This morning when he phoned, Josh said hes sending out rsums again. What a drag. I cant take this adjunct business for another year; forgive me, Father, if I think Im too good for it.

Tomorrows the shortest day of the year, but then the days start to become longer, and in Florida it gets dark later. The driving wasnt too hazardous

Since neither Marc nor Avis can drive me to the airport, I guess Ill have to take a cab: The guy whos driven everyone to the airport all these years finally gets to go somewhere on a plane himself and theres nobody to take me.

My Wizard Owl air freshener is staring at me questioningly.

* 11:30 PM. What is it that impels us to live? The cockroach that kept escaping me today had whatever it is. And I, for the moment, have it, too.

I’ve just trudged up the block: a desolate winter landscape of dirty snow and ice melted and refrozen. Yet I looked up, and surprisingly, the stars were out, very bright and numerous. Orion’s belt looked so sharp, I felt it was

This evening I went to dinner at my grandparents’. Their kindly questions, as usual, had obvious answers: When you put the laundry in the machine, did you put in detergent, too? When you made eggs, did you clean the skillet? God bless them.

Grandpa Herb will be 76 today, in a few minutes, when it’s the shortest day of the year and the start of winter. On Monday night, my grandparents will have been married fifty years.

When I returned from my grandparents, I decided to do some phoning. I reached Elihu just as he was going out. Scott Sommer hasnt been home for days. Gary wasnt in, nor was Mikey.

I decided to call Evie Wagner; I had passed the old block today when I went to Deutsch Pharmacy to get myself enough Triavils to last me through Florida.

To pass the time, I called Mrs. Judson. Wayne answered and said he had to wake up his mother anyway.

Mrs. Judson told me theyve extended her unemployment benefits, and in January the government will begin retraining her, perhaps as a keypu

The leather industry in this country is dying; Mrs. Judsons boss had to go out of business.

Maybe it will come back one day, she said. Who would imagine that at 56, Im going to learn something new?

We had a great conversation, and then I put in my lenses and drove into Brooklyn for the wake, which was in a giant funeral parlor on Bay Parkway.

Lou and Ev

Her father-in-law died on Tuesday night, a week after an apparently successful hip operation. Mr. Bisogno lay in the open coffin, his hands folded around a rosary; he looked very serene.

Jerry seemed very upset, of course. But he was gracious enough to introduce me to his sister-in-law Louise, the playwright who eit

Shes a lovely woman, slim with blonde frizzed hair, green eyes and age lines that show character.

She told me how she and her husband began by taking teleplay writing courses at The New School.

Louise has been working as a social studies teacher in Westchester, but now CBS has offered her a job writing a long form story for their soaps. She wants to make the sho

Herb Brodkin wanted her play on abortion and euthanasia, and theyre working on a deal for it to appear on a TV network.

Louise told me that at her age, she feels she has to make up for lost time. But I think she must have more discipline than young writers; moreover, shes suffered and survived I can see that in her face.

I was so taken with her that I stayed until the funeral parlor closed.

Then me who knows Brooklyn like the back of his hand got abs

Still, I loved driving around Brooklyn on a (now) winter night. It made me feel .

[nucliufsilver]

lil bit of a rant to all the people i dont talk to anymore

1.yknow honestly, for what its worth you did make me a better person, before i became friends with you i didnt really know what manners were, i was confused on what was right or wrong and you opened my eyes to a lot of things i probably would hate right now if i hadnt met you, examples, gay marriage, cosplay, different ways to love, transgenders etc. and that was all fine and dandy, i really loved you for that, always so kind and thoughtful of others, but i think in return i corrupted you a bit too, as a result i turned out to be a bad guy, granted i did some shit that had no excuse but so did you and bitch dont try and blow that off on me. you made me FEEL toxic, i was never going to be good enough, i was never going to be a better person, i was never going to be as nice as you or as caring, everyone would only ever see me as this toxic, stern, scary person and the sadest part of that? that actually came true lmao, no one cares for me, im alone, ive got a solid 1 friend and it isnt even fucking you because you decided i wasnt worth it and you hated me despite me trying so hard to connect back with you, all you ever did was shut me out and tell me i wasnt good enough, bitch. 

2. fuck i loved you so much, but i had no fucking idea how to show it. i know im not allowed to talk to you anymore, but before i rant off about what you did to me i really really need you to understand that i will always fucking love you, and im so so so fucking sorry for hurting you like i did, it was all i ever knew. you taught me so fucking much, you taught me its okay to open up to people and let them see my dark sides, you taught me its okay to be myself and to share my opinions, and if people didnt like that, that was okay too, you taught me how to love even though it was quite a wild ride and i didnt even figure it out until 6 months after we broke up. you taught me there was so much more i had to learn about myself before i brought other people into my life and i will always be grateful to have had you for so long. but holy fuck did you ever make me feel like shit. i fucking hated you, you never listened to what i had to say and when id say it you never believed me either, i get it was a mental thing but YOU NEEDED TO LEARN HOW TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOURSELF. you made me feel gross and like i will never be a good boyfriend ever. how could i be? if i wasnt good enough for you ill never be good enough for anyone, not only that but holy fuck do you know how to run your mouth. after we broke up so many people were telling me on anon that i was toxic and gross and so much worse. i had to hide from the world for months, couldnt even go to cons for awhile because of it. i know you needed support, but at what cost? fuck you.

3. you just straight up pissed me the fuck off. you still do, I WAS NEVER FUCKING OBLIGATED TO BE YOUR BEST FRIEND, YOU WERE THE ONE WHO HAD THAT FANTASY, IM SORRY I DIDNT LIKE YOU AS MUCH AS OTHER PEOPLE BUT I NEVER DID YOU WRONG AT ALL, YET YOU STILL WENT AND TALKED SHIT BEHIND MY BACK. you hold the biggest grudges holy fuck you have no fucking chill, even your dad agreed with me and if that doesnt say youre being an immature fuck off then i have no idea what does. honestly ive never met anyone ive hated more than you, you tell people theyre fat BUT HAVE YOU LOOKED IN A FUCKING MIRROR? you make me want to throw up everytime i see you, you cant complain about being fat yet nEVER DO JACK SHIT TO SOLVE THAT LITTLE PROBLEM, ALL YOU EVER DO IS FUCKING COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR LIFE BUT YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING TO SOLVE IT. so maybe take a look at yourself and think about where youre going in life because honestly? a reality check here, you dont have ANYTHING. whoops

4. i never intended to lose you, im not even sure what i did to you? i never got closure. i never really got anything from you honestly, when i look back i just felt used, like i was just there to pass the time and you couldve left at any point. you were my everything, i didnt have anything else but you. i wish i couldve done something to change the course but i think i did everything i could, as far as my story goes you were putting me off for your girlfriend, i felt alone so i started to talk with other people, you got jealous and then one day, you were gone, didnt want anything to do with me, gossiped with others about how awful i was. what did i do to you to deserve this? what did i do to any of you? i was TERRIFIED to go to school for MONTHS because i could feel your glares as id pass by, i could feel the rumors spreading through the school, i could feel the hate, its been almost a year and i still barely speak in school and my english teacher actually tried to send me to a counselor. i still dont feel worthy to speak, or look up from the ground, or join any clubs, or go anywhere near the japanese room. i dont allow myself to do anything besides sit alone at the third floor BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO CAUSE MORE TROUBLE FOR YOU. sometimes i think about going to your hangout place just to fuck with you some more. did you know the last time we talked, when you told me you never wanted to see me again, i actually broke a locker out of frustration, i didnt want to fucking lose you. why. why did this have to happen to us. what happened. 

5. i dont even know what to say to you, honestly you saved me. i felt safe, for the first time in months i felt like i finally deserved something for myself, and i took that chance, i spent HOURS listening to you talk about things, just random stuff, i worked hard, i finally knew how love was supposed to work and i was able to use that on you, and everything was fucking perfect. this is still pretty recent so even now im crying typing this out. i miss you, i miss you, i miss you so much. why did you leave? im nothing. i loved you so much, you were the first person i truly opened up to like that since jayce, you made me forget jayce, and now i just dont know what to do. what am i supposed to do? how do i fix myself now that youre gone, i dont trust myself to fall in love, i havent even thought about dating since January because a huge part of me is still hoping youll come back apologizing, saying you miss me, and me being the biggest idiot would just forgive you on the spot. how am i supposed to move on when you left too fast for me to even blink. one day you just stopped replying, i dont know what changed, i want you back. im not as happy, im not the same. who am i now? what am i supposed to do, just please talk to me and give me some closure at least, i need it in order to move on, because i still fucking love you with all my being and i will never be able to find anyone better for me than you and i honest to god believe that. 

6. i have nothing to say to you anymore, you have no right to claim me, you have no mark anymore, you cant tell me what i can and cant do anymore, whoever you think you are to me, fucking forget it because YOU left ME, and it fucked me up, youre the real reason for all my problems, everything can be traced back to you, you left me and you have NO right to waltz back into my life without an apology expecting me to love you like youre still something to me. youre nothing. i hate you. and the moment i turn 18 youre gonna find out just exactly how much i hate you, i have no remorse or love for you, there wont be any pity, and once im done speaking with you itll be my turn to leave, only this time it will be forever, thank you and good fucking bye bitch.