#duke thomas headcanons

[mikeluciraphgabe]

Duke wanting to help out at night but not the actual fighting because he has finals thankyouverymuch but he instead starts an app

You login and and request a “walk home” with your location

Obvi he can’t be everywhere so there’s a reason part you fill out and he goes to most needed areas

It helps many people feel even safer

(It also helps the bats find criminals)

[boiledbirdy]

Duke Thomas Headcannons

⭐️He is either insanely talkative quoting memes sarcasm dripping out of his ass or completely silent

⭐️Duke is the type of person and leader that doesn’t need words to have an impact on people, but does use words primarily

⭐️He’s a people watcher, the type of guy to order one blue berry scone and a vanilla cream coffee and sit there for hours, barley noticeable scone half eaten and sits in seeming focus while watching the ins and outs of the coffee shop

⭐️Is the type of person to have everything but the one specific common thing EX Duke has a mini magnet chessboard, tissues, hair ties, flashcards, a few extra snacks for his friends, pens every color of the rainbow (except for black) like hoW?

⭐️Has doctor hand writing (very ineligible)

⭐️Relating to the one above takes most of his school notes in doodles that just make sense to him

⭐️Is the kid who can do really cool pen tricks when no one notices, if you ask him to do it consciously he cannot

⭐️Detective wise he cannot use the professional terminology that Bruce has tried drilling into him for hours upon hour, case notes are various ways of typing thing or thingy that Duke has to translate before entering into the database cause his brain just can’t compute

⭐️Low-budget Sci-Fi movies are his shit, its on a sketchy ass website or youtube 50/50 on whether you can recognize the costumes from JC Penny

⭐️He is as scared of villains as he is of his own powers

Sticks his tongue into his cheek when he’s thinks really hard

⭐️Authority figures have failed him to many times that he just does not trust them.

⭐️after yr 1 with the Waynes he knows that they aren’t family in his eyes but more the closest friends which makes him scared of what happens when his parents get back conscious. - will he ever be the stereotypical family that’s been driving him for all these years. - will he actually be a child or just be a caretaker to his own parents????

⭐️Love and Family aren’t words he likes much but trusts more through actions

⭐️I think he may have 3c or 4a hair???

⭐️Knows seemingly everyone in Gotham??? Like oh thats Richard he’s a plumber yeah he has two little girls and he’s a single dad (gives a whole flashback for this middle aged man)

⭐️His room decor is really obscure band and movie posters and the live laugh love like signs that he found in hobby lobby, thrift shops, or tjmax

⭐️In spars and in real combat will bite people if he needs to or feels trapped

⭐️that being said Duke motherfuckin’ Thomas is feral like the type of feral where you get a shiver up your spine before he comes in a room

⭐️Chronically listens to Pearl Jam, Red Hot Chillipeppers, Joy Division, 2Pac, and Drake (theres more but thats short hand)

⭐️He has tumblr and has announced to the world through twitter that he sees all of the Wayne posts on there and supports those accounts especially the more bizarre ones

⭐️Favorite color is that deep deep lucid blue that seems to just be the paint of clear night sky (#030640) is the hex color code

⭐️he texts like a psychopath with the correct grammer everywhere but spell check is off and the short hand acronyms are constant

⭐️favorite soda is probably mtn dew which I disapprove but it’s the fact of my brain

[yeahimcal]

DUKE THOMAS BEST BOYFRIEND IN THE WORLD!!!

He smothers you with kisses and little goodies that he makes you, he’s the kind of guy to weld you a bouquet of flowers and act like it’s not the sweetest and most thoughtful gift in the entire world. He bakes you stuff. He holds you like you’re made of glass but he squishes your cheeks and peppers you with little kisses if he hasn’t seen you for a long time. He could stare at you for hours.

He’s such a words of affirmation guy. “I love you (you’re shoving cake in your face)” “you’re perfect (you’re yelling at some guy who catcalled you)” “you look so beautiful in this light (you’re in the grocery store frozen food isle)” “I wish I could stay by your side forever (you’re asleep next to him)”.

He absolutely adores you. He’ll tell you every chance he gets. And god forbid anyone mess with you, otherwise Signal shows up and scares them so bad that other muggers give you a WIDE berth. He’s scarier than Red Hood when you’re involved.

Just… ♡Duke Thomas♡…………

[fckbatmanhiskidsareminenow]

multilingual batkids. they learn each others languages so they can mix and match. for example:

tim in french: have you figured out how we’re gonna tell b we’re not going to that gala yet?

damian in arabic: no i thought that was thomas’ job?

duke french: me? no jason said he’d do something

jason in arabic: hey don’t drag me into this!

dick in romani: i’m gonna kill him i really i am

steph in russian: who are we killing?

dick in english: ah! nobody! wait i didn’t know you spoke romani

tim in greek: you’re an asshole

jason in english: wait my greek is rusty say it again slowly

tim in greek: you’re an asshole

jason: …. you motherfucker

cass signing: nice drawing

damian in chinese: thank you

dick yelling at bruce about something he did

jason in spanish: what language is he speaking right now?

tim also in spanish: uh all of them i think

jason: does bruce even know-

tim: no he doesn’t

[demonicsuffrage]

The justice league sees Batman periodically updating a database of his, at the oddest of times, and naturally they think it's got something to do with his contingency plans or a dataset about the Gotham rogues, but in reality it's just him keeping record of his many children's changing tastes

Superman: Woah, he's writing down with such concentration, wonder what could be in there, maybe a new villain in Gotham?

Bruce, writing: "Dick has refused his favourite Pb&J five mornings in a row. Delete from favourites. Ask for new favourite food."

"Jason didn't seem as Eager to read the new book by his favourite author, put it in neutral category."

"Tim chose a green shirt instead of a red one at the mall today. More research needed."

"Cass listened to arctic monkeys on repeat this week. Update to favourites."

"Duke expressed an interest in slam poetry and called band practice lame. Put poetry in favourites and band in neutral."

"Damian watched Bluey for a total of 50 hours this week. Update to favourites."

[definitelysome1]

Tim: do you guys ever think about the fact that we’ve all hated someone here at one point?

Jason: what the hell are you talking about?

Tim: well, Dick you hated Jason when he first became Robin, right?

Dick: uhh, yeah I guess?

Tim: and Jason, you hated me when you came back from the dead.

Jason: I mean sure. I mostly hated B for replacing me and I took it out on you. But sure

Tim: I hated Damian when he first became Robin and he hated me

Damian: hm

Dick:I guess I see where you’re going, but what about Duke? He’s out of the loop isn’t he?

Tim: no. He hated you.

Dick: WHAT? You hated me Duke? Why???

Duke: you’re a cop dude… you know I hate cops

Dick: oh yeah i totally forgot that

Jason: HA! Get wrecked goldie

[incorrectbatfam]

Alfred gets sick of Bruce breaking and losing stuff on patrol so he gets a label maker and starts naming items after the kids

Alfred: I got you a new phone, just like you asked. Its name is Jason. Try not to let it die.

Bruce, tearing up: Why would you say that—

[gothamite-rambler]

Duke Thomas gets added to the payroll

Bruce Wayne (seeing Duke walk past his office): Duke.

Duke backwards walked to Bruce’s office.

Duke: Sup?

Bruce: Did you check your bank account? The direct deposit should’ve hit.

Duke: The what? Oh you were serious about that?

Bruce: Of course, you’re not only my son, but you do work for me and you deserve an income.

Duke: Thanks dude, but I can’t take your money I work at the library.

Bruce: Duke, trust me. You deserve this. I do it for all my kids… except Tim.

Duke: Why not Tim?

Bruce: Long story… he owns part of my company, plus he- he definitely embezzled a lot of my funds before I noticed so him working at my company is his paycheck.

Duke (alarmed): That was him?!

Bruce: Yeah, but that’s not important currently. You enjoy your first payhcheck and I’m proud of you.

Duke: Thanks man.

Duke left the office, checking his phone as he walked to his room. He nearly dropped his phone seeing the four digits in his bank account that had five dollars in it three days ago.

Duke (shocked, happy): Three- Three thousand dollars?! Woooooooo! I’m eating good tonight! No wait, game stop here I come!

Duke ran out the house passing by Stephanie and Jason.

Duke: I can finally buy a PlayStation!

Jason: Wait until he finds out it’s a monthly payment.

Stephanie: I’ll tell him later. Want to go tell Tim about it first?

Jason: 100% yes.

[adhara2034]

Headcanon that the batfam has a Samsung smart refrigerator or whatever it's called, and it is used entirely for doing work while in the kitchen. There has been justice league meetings held on that motherfucker and nuclear threats disengaged.

[thefriendlyneighborhoodqueer]

sometimes i think about how funny it would be if bruce had a slight english accent as a result of alfred being the only adult in his life for most of his formative years. that or he just says british slang instead of english.

this either drives his children insane, or they think it’s the most hilarious thing ever.

__________________________

Bruce: Can you pass the chips?

Dick: Sure, B. *passes over the potato chips*

Bruce: No, the chips.

Dick: ???? … yeah? here?

Bruce: NO! THE CHIPS! *gesturing wildly for the french fries*

Damian: Father, are you having a stroke?

———

Batman: Alright, this mission is very important. It is imperative that everything goes to schedule. (shh-edule)

*red robin and red hood snicker*

Batman: *glare* As I was saying, it all must go to shh-edule…

RR & RH : *uproariously laughter *

Batman: *harsher glare* Is something funny?

RR: Oh nothing, B, don’t worry.

RH: Absolutely nothing wrong, “left-tenant”

RR & RH: *dying of laughter *

———

Bruce: *reaching the end of a long rant about responsibility and making sure you are keeping yourself and others safe* And what do you have to say for yourself??

Duke: … You sound like Alfred…

Bruce: *horrified look over coming him* … what

Cass: *furious nodding*

*Some time later, after B has been fished out of Gotham Harbor, which he jumped into after declaring that he “couldn’t turn into his father”*

Alfred: *reaching the end of a long rant about responsibility and making sure you are keeping yourself and others safe* And what do you have to say for yourself??

Bruce: *white as a sheet* … Sorry Alfie…

*Steph is heard furiously cackling in the background*

_______________________

anyways i just thought this was fun

[galaxymagitech]

Most of the Batkids lie to Batman.

What’s unique about Tim “I lie to Batman” Drake is that he lies *successfully* to Batman.

Damian just states blatant untruths and expects people to believe them. Dick puts on a good act, but it can’t fool his family, even if they won’t call him out on it. Jason’s emotions are too easy to read, even with his helmet on. Cass lies with her words, but never with her body. Duke lacks self-awareness of his insanity and thus doesn’t try to hide any of it. Steph and Barbara don’t even bother, because Batman has no authority over her whatsoever.

Tim, though? He was raised by boarding schools and nannies and practically incentivized to lie to adults. He’s so earnest and well-meaning that everyone expects him to be a compulsive truth-teller, and he weaponizes it like the little gremlin he is. And when that isn’t enough, he knows how to spin things just right that they don’t quite sound like an untruth.

[jesterraconteuse]

You don't understand there's a part of me that wants Alfred Pennyworth to never age but there's another part that's like

As Alfred grows older his body grows tired and everyone notices. And for Bruce that's his surrogate father. For everyone else that's Grandpa. Immediately there's a secret boot camp in the Batcave for everyone to start learning how to better care for themselves. Selina Kyle assisting of course.

There's already disability accommodations for Barbara so they just need to tweak and add some stuff. They've learned from her needs and start researching on how to care for the elderly for Alfred specifically.

On paper he's still a butler but really everyone (who lives or stays for a long time in Wayne manor) makes sure they learn how to do the hardwork for themselves. Most of his job is just to be there for them honestly. They insist on doing things for themselves.

But Alfred is Alfred. So he knows what's going on. And he's so deeply proud of them. He doesn't let him do anything he insists he can or wants do himself. He's still his own person after all, and they gradually learn his boundaries and patterns.

Bruce keeps paying him but not in a way you'd pay a butler usually. More in a way where you'd send money to your retired parents.

Do you see my vision?

[fckbatmanhiskidsareminenow]

do you think that bruce sometimes calls the bat kids by the wrong names? like

“dick can you pass me that file please?” and tim’s standing there with this 😑 look on his face.

“what?”

“you called me dick.”

“did i?”

or

“jason-tim-cass fuck titus!” he was trying to get damians attention who is looking at his father like he’s having a stroke.

or

“can you ask jason to come here please?”

“jason doesn’t live here b”

“what? oh no i meant duke.”

[violent138]

The idea of the Batkids doing normal people things while suited up is hilarious to me, you know, like Red Robin and Spoiler making the 9 o'clock news while racing through a grocery store because they totally forgot to get the things Alfred asked them to bring for the family dinner. Or Damian and Dick swinging into the Bludhaven Zoo mid-patrol because Dami really wanted to see the new baby tiger. Red Hood buying lemonade from a kid's stand and then standing there awkwardly messing with his helmet, trying not to hurt the kid's feelings. Black Bat, on a particularly tiring day randomly appeared in the nosebleeds of the ballet hall and started sniping phones out of people's hands. Or Signal and a deeply irritated Batman changing out a blown-out tyre in some back alley, earning amused looks.

[demonicsuffrage]

Headcanon that when the batkids are mad at Bruce or just, mildly annoyed, they deliberately use last names that piss Bruce off, a lot.

Kidnappers over the phone: We have Richard Wayne in our custody, if you want to see him again-

Dick, mad after Bruce made him throw out the discowing suit, in a muffled voice: It's actually Richard Grayson-Kent, get it right

Bruce, on the verge of a heart attack: Chum Please

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Barista at Batburger: What would you like your coffee cup to say?

Tim, not mad, just mildly annoyed at the way Bruce did the reports last night: My name is Tim Jordan-Gardener-Cruz-Scott

Bruce, clutching his Jokerized fries so hard veins appear: You're grounded

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author, at a book signing event: And who should I address this to?

Jason, after Bruce had let the Joker live yet again: To Jason Dent, please

Bruce, standing in line next to him, whom Jason had brought along to pay for the signed copy: I should make Harvey pay child support

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Announcer: And the award goes to, Ms Cassandra Isley-Quinn!

Cass, mad because Bruce missed another one of her recitals, walking up to the stage:

Bruce:

Bruce, signing to her: You're killing me, you know that? You're killing your father

Harley, sitting next to Bruce along with Ivy: Yes! That's our daughter!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Duke, calling some shady Gotham lawyer right in front of Bruce after he lectured him a little too much about keeping up secret identities: Hi, how much to legally change my name to Duke Thomas-Queen?

Shady lawyer: About 50$

Duke: Got it. Hey Bruce can I borrow 50$?

Bruce:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steph doesn't use the Wayne name anyway, but sometimes she uses it for Benefits™

Damian would much rather die than adopt the last name of anyone in the justice league or the batrouges or anyone except his very infamous lineages, because he doesn't want to associate with incompetent people

[nyukaart]

They mean so much to me