#THESE HORRIBLE FEELINGS PERSIST

[meat-huge-pain-endless]

peeling my skin off and tearing my hair out and screaming and crying and vomiting and walking into traffic and

[sleepy-the-loz-enthusiast]

Fluffvember Day 3:

Nature walk

This isn't the usual little pencil sketch, but I sort of forgot about this at the last minute- so enjoy a little digital doodle with a photo I took in the background.

I hope you like the little Minish!Four and Fairy!Hyrule !!

[rebeccasbiscuits]

I’m thinking so many thoughts after that episode, which was wonderful and hilarious, but something I’m very much thinking about is where someone on twitter pointed out the contrast between Rupert going to the club every single day for six weeks to wear Rebecca down vs Ted coming to her office every day for biscuits and genuinely wanting to get to know her. I’m especially thinking about how this adds some more context to Rebecca’s point of view on that as well. We see her disparagingly calling him ‘relentless, and nice’, and her desire for her love of the biscuits to not make her dependent on him providing her with something.

The moment I’m thinking about most is the one at the end of episode 5, where Ted storms in after finding out she sent Jamie away. The biscuit reveal at the end has always felt crucial in this way, but even more so in this context. Her experience has been with the relentless interest and charm until the other person pulled back the layer of charm and showed that this charming nature wasn’t genuine, and in a way I think here, as Ted yells at her, it lets her feel a bit vindicated, or at least secure, in her belief, or lack of belief, in the nature of other people. But then Ted continues the biscuits, and the extension of kindness they represent, no matter how angry he is, and not only that but reveals he has been (without having told her) baking the biscuits himself. His only deceit was hiding an extra kindness he didn't even seek self serving credit for, despite knowing how much she liked the biscuits. Obviously this works so interestingly as another anti-Rupert parallel in a Ted/Rebecca sense, but I love it even just generally in the context of how it’s visible that this is what shakes Rebecca in that scene, because it shakes the view she has of how people treat people after her abusive marriage and isolation, which is allowing her to go on with the plan that will hurt so many of them. It disarms her because even when she has done something bad, and Ted is expressing legitimate annoyance about it, he will not stop extending this relentless kindness and generosity to her, even when he has not got what he wanted, the way she experienced Rupert doing once he had got what he wanted. Ted’s not only relentless, not only nice, he’s also sincere.

[hanzajesthanza]

geralt is also a most real depiction of good quality fatherhood and great girldad representation because EVEN THOUGH witchers don’t even experience aging at the same rate as non-GMO humans, EVEN THOUGH it would be “biologically impossible,”

geralt having had been raising a pre-teen girl for maybe a few months to a year already “gave the impression of having aged,” his “face slashed by wrinkles.” the emotional toll on this man from raising she-devil ciri

and this is only the very beginning of the saga. BEFORE everything goes to shit. the wrinkles have set in

[mitamicah]

As a sort of sequel to this (and hoping that sharing my silly ideas will cheer me up) here's what I'll take with me to the Sweden concerts:

My "beautiful" sign :'D (Is it too much?? I am not sure 😅)

90+ Malmö stickers (and my post it blog for Gothenborg although not shown here):

Gifts for the boys!! (In the Minion pencil case I bought in Helsinki none the less :3):

Bunny ears!!! (screamed Kris to me :'D)

And the rest of the keychains (now with Swedish prices as well) :3

[neverbeforeandneversince]

I need to vent

[volfoss]

Pretty happy to get 25% thru this book tonight tbh! Hoping to get 50-60% thru tomorrow if all goes well :)

[roman-o-cheese]

Happy “panic attack at the thought of doing anything” season guys!!!🎉🎉🎉

[birdy-bird27]

During class today we were discussing once more Alaska Native history and I think about the absolute tragedy of so many families and people being displaced from their homes. Being ransacked and people being dehumanized. I think about how that is actively being done right now in Palestine and it breaks my heart constantly. The same thing that happened to my own people is happening once more. Nearly a year now they have to face the absolute horrors and constantly pushed out of their lands.

There are so many go funds me right now dozens that need funding, but one that I want to link here the boy Named Muhammad who is nicknamed Uncle Tito who is currently in the northern Gaza Strip.

I found his tik tok one day and He performs for the children there to bring hope and some much needed moments of happiness to them. I find that his work he is doing is absolutely important. Key to resistance is joy despite everything and he is bringing that to the kids. I really wanted to highlight him and his own fundraiser.

If anyone could donate anything it can make a difference in his and his families life.

[databent]

my mystery illness hurting me -_-

[lynxgirlpaws]

[winged-void]

.

[can-of-w0rmz]

It has been FIVE DAYS of having gone from “constant mild cold symptoms” to “I’m-struggling-to-get-out-of-bed-and-haven’t-updated-my-journal-in-days” sickness and I’ve decided denial is the best way to go so from this moment forward I’m deluding myself into thinking I’ll be completely better tomorrow and hoping I don’t Victor-Frankenstein-ify my ass and pass out in the middle of my English classroom because I was too stubborn to just wait until I was actually better

[sadpurpleblood]

i hate to say it especially since i deeply care about them but im not beating the means-to-an-end allegations.

[cherubxkisses]

sorry about your mom, hope you still had a good day ❤️‍🩹

thank you 💘 my day was okay at best

[inkskinned]

even 2 years ago people still said autism with a whisper. it was also how people sometimes whisper lesbian, like they're afraid of uttering a slur. autistic was either an insult or it was something terrible, a horrible burden only select people endure. "select people" were usually 9 year old boys and skinny white men.

they are not hispanic young adults with a dog and a life and friends. i can make (sustained, calculated, painful) eye contact. with certain people, i don't even have to count how many seconds i am holding their vision - i can just look at them. i can wear clothes that bother me, i will just have a worse day than usual. i might cry about any changes to my schedule - but change is scary! this is normal!

when i was 16 it was OCD. i mean that was the thing everyone said. i totally have ocd. they would arrange 6 colors of gel pen in rainbow order (no worry for indigo feeling left out) and they'd be "so ocd" about it.

if you struggle with intrusive thoughts, be careful at this next paragraph, but. at 16 i developed a compulsion that involved self-harm. my ocd was convinced i was simply forgetting that i'd hurt someone terribly - a thought that persisted for no clear or delineated reason.

at some point i will probably write about how the idea of "morally pure thoughts" was hell for me and others with ocd, but this was the odd dichotomy for many of us: they liked our "aesthetic", but were genuinely repulsed by our lived experience. "intrusive thoughts" now means "cutting your hair in the sink" instead of talking yourself down from believing horrible things. "so ocd" is a label without any true understanding.

it's something i've talked about before - in multiplicity - but i firmly believe in the veracity and necessity of self-diagnosis. i think it saves lives and it saves tragedies from occurring. as someone raised in a house that wasn't safe, self-diagnosis was, for many years, the only viable option. 15 and honestly googling: am i depressed or are there demons affecting my behavior.

but it is not genuine self-diagnosis anymore, most of the time. it is a strange, blanched version of that whispered word autism. now certain traits are constantly seen as "autistic" - any passing intense interest. any flubbed social interaction. people say it while laughing - a touch of the 'tism.

and i like the acceptance! i do. i like that people are talking about it. i like that if i self-identify, more people speak up and say me too, bitch. but there is something-else quietly happening, the way it happened to OCD. the quirky, "fun" parts have been washed and sanitized and removed of all suffering. now it is just something that makes you "a little bit silly."

it took me 27 years on this planet before i learned to make friends. something about me just seems incredibly odd, i guess, some kind of radiation monitoring. someone once (in a way that was almost friendly) told me i am doing the right things, but in a way that's off-putting. i have scoured myself raw attempting to be charming.

someone on tiktok does a deep dive into their particular passion. the top comment says "what kind of autism is this lol". like we are a breed of animal. like it has no influence on our experience. like our life is a fresh breeze, an open meadow.

more often for me, life was a drowning.