#there are people who love me a lot
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Happy “panic attack at the thought of doing anything” season guys!!!🎉🎉🎉
#time change hits and BOOM everything is paralyzing and terrifying!!#it’s so fun!!#I’ll make sure I don’t push people away this year#that’ll make things worse#but UUUUUGH OMFG#Annoying#i feel very useless whenever I’m like this#and i constantly seek validation to prove to myself something i don’t know#I think I’m trying to prove that even like this I’m not completely useless#that people care even when im this pathetic#it’s annoying because I only started to feel better in like August?#getting broken up with definitely didn’t help but I hope this feeling doesn’t last that long again#bc it drives me crazy#yap yappity yap#I am so annoying!!! why do people like me!!! why can’t I just be normal!!! I wish I could be useful!!!#no one should look up to me or admire me like they do#I’m barely holding myself together why do people think highly of me#im pretty pathetic#but it’s fine I’ll be okay#there are people who love me a lot#even if I tell myself they shouldn’t they will love me anyway#things will be okay again. I don’t need to be strong I just need to push through#maybe there’s strength in that or maybe I’m just trying to make myself feel better#i just don’t know what to do with myself when doing anything brings that horrible weight on my chest#but I’ll persist. I always do and I will do so again
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dinosaur in a lab coat - would you trust her with operating the centrifuge
#my art#oc#mockley#anthro#furry#dinosaur#i like the headshot especially so i'm including it too#unintentional redraw of the mockley ref from back in may. this is the natural mockley pose i guess - this is her official render#so i included the symbolism thing again with some slight edits#grhaggh i love her i'm ripping her to pieces with my mind.....my doddery old bint#okay i've got a lot to do tonight. why i did this today of all days i don't know but for people who want art from me#keep yer eyes peeled#also i'm gonna also use this for oc-tober. lol#for the monster prompt. mockley's a monster...literally to us and more metaphorically in her universe#also for ages i was trying to make mockley's species a dinosaur but like evolved. different and weirder#now i'm like embracing full dinosaur i'm too tired to make up a new species i can't....i surrender
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It seems there's a new lawyer in town!!!
#I think she's one of the most underutilized characters ever I will DIE on this hill#she can hear people's feelings that is the COOLEST concept ever#you get people who can hear thoughts a lot and that's cool but hearing FEELINGS is such a sick and unique concept#AND SHES A LAWYER#THATS THE COOLEST CAREER YOU COULD GIVE SOMEONE WHO CAN HEAR FEELINGS THAT OPENS DOORS FOR SO MANY GOOD STORIES#I'D LOVE IN AA TO PLAY CASES AS HER WHERE YOU HAVE TO WORK BACKWARDS FROM PEOPLE'S EMOTIONS TO FIGURE OUT MYSTERIES#IT'S A WHOLE NEW SIDE TO THE EVIDENCE#AND SUBTLE HIDDEN FEELINGS KEEP GUIDING HER AND PPL JUST CANT KEEP UP WITH HOW SHE WORKS... STUFF LIKE THAT WOULD BE INTERESTING#WHY ISN'T IT UTILIZED WHY DO WE JUST HAVE PSUEDOSCIENCE MINIGAME#ATHENA IS SO LIKEABLE AND CHARMING AND FULL OF LIFE TOO#PLEASE CAPCOM#I LOV E HER PLEASE#GIVE US A CRAZY MOMENT WHERE SHE TAKES PHOENIX ASIDE HALFWAY THROUGH A CASEAND TELLS HIM HIS CLIENT WAS JUST ELATED AT THE SIGHT OF A CORPS#OR DO IT IN THE GAMEPLAY WHERE THE PLAYER SPOTS IT IN THE MOOD MATRIX#omg yeah actually that'd make me shit my pants that'd be so cool#proper ghost trick moment#THERE'S SO MUCH COOL STUFF YOu can do fuck okay sorry there are so many tags now#can you tell I got feelings abt this character I LOVE HER so much Im in love w her tbh and she's also so me#ace attorney#athena cykes#my art#have a good day thanks for looking at my art haha
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Hatchetfield Doodles!
#these were so fun!#And I got to draw some characters that I’ve never drawn before or that I’ve not drawn enough#thanks to lovely people in BRP who gave me the requests#I also got to try out a new rendering style that’s a lot of fun#hatchetfield#Starkid#team starkid#nerdy prudes must die#Npmd#black friday#the guy who didn't like musicals#tgwdlm#charles coven#james tolbert#stephanie lauter#steph lauter#mariah rose faith#mariah rose faith casillas#detective shapiro#bryce charles#tgwdlm doug#charlotte sweetly#bill woodward#corey dorris#curt mega#cineplex teen#Hannah foster#becky barnes#Kim Whalen#my art
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Ghouls night out
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#Scopophobia#Don't be mean Lan Wangji - the dead girl aesthetic is a curated one. Support women's rights to look dead!#I have been waiting for this scene for ages...the ghost girl entourage is such a good look for WWX.#And by gods does the audio drama actually do something interesting with one of them.#Namely that we actually get to see WWX talk with them and learn about who they were and what they left behind.#I love necromancer characters but it's way too common for them to be like “Go! Ghost no.145!” like they're a pokemon#and not...you know...someone who had a whole life that they left behind.#I love me a necromancer who has an awareness to whose soul/body they are using. It adds a lot of flavour!#MDZS is a little hit or miss with this. I think the fans do a lot of the work with making Mo Xuanyu a bigger character.#Yi City has this in spades. Even though we don't individually get character backstories#We get many painful reminders about how these 'corpses' were people.#We also get a few lines about how WWX used whatever corpses he could get his hands on (including grandparents - Woof!)#MDZS often (but not always) likes to remind us that every sacrifice and every ghost was a person.#It is so close to nailing the landing regarding the deconstruction of the necromancer character.#Anyhow. You may have noticed the uptick in quality in the last two comics. Rule of three means next one is going to be a treat B*)#See you all very soon!
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please don't ever get rid of that smile i love so much
#demon slayer#kny#shinobu kocho#kanae kocho#kocho sisters#shinobu kny#kanae kny#artbites#art#artists on tumblr#digital art#demon slayer fanart#kny fanart#this one goes out to the people who asked me to draw kanae#i think abuot them a lot#i understand shinobu. i do#also if u recognize the pose its from an old sketch i did!#i love that sketch so i wanted to do smth w it!
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You know, it's genuinely sad to me that aging favourite character actors no longer have any fun murder-mystery tv shows to guest-star as murders on.
#murder she wrote#matlock#diagnosis murder#father dowling mysteries#agatha christie’s poirot#columbo#quincy ME#ironside#perry mason#there are a few others#yes i know there are murder mystery shows on now#but i'm talking specifically about the silly old fashioned ones that have guest stars as murders who used to be quite famous#and yes I know they have rebooted several of these buy none of them are watchable#but that is a whole lot of white people#still fun shows tho that had fun guest stars#yes yes I’ve seen the hallmark movies they are awful and usually don’t have good guest stars#and whilst i love these shows there are way too many white people#I just wanna see old people on tv drinking tea or eating chilli and chasing after murderers.#Perry mason was actually quite young. I want someone over 50 or 60 at least.#and give me more older people with disabilities. I wanna see canes and wheelchairs.#yes the nun in father dowling played a nun in#sister act#but Perry mason was brought back when he was older so he still counts.#yes I’ve seen poker face and it’s good. but I want older people on my screen.
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a glass sun 1/2
#my art#my stuff#this is really fucking long so im gonna have to break it up into multiple reblogs#(howling) WAUGHHHHHHH#i love aishang by xiaoshiguniang#i love to implicate my alma mater in my art about being gay in the shittiest most conservative corner of singaporean society#by some terrible trick of fate i ended up in the conservative chinese christian cishet circuit from primary school to end of hs#obviously i am not most of these things but there i was. Depressed#and there i was after that at Liberal Arts College. the 4 years i spent there were a clusterfuck#but like a good and outrageous and lively clusterfuck#and i graduated in may this year and when i came back it was for the first time in 10 months. it was like. what da hell#like i love being here in specific ways but there is also the pain of being seen as something you're not constantly#can i blame them? i ask myself this every day. for most of my ex classmates and relatives i Am the only not cis person they know#idk my lottery number was bad this corner of society really is that bad#and so its like. idk dawg anyway i aint offering solutions but u get it like it fucks with your head to be misgendered either which way 24/#but to leave them behind would be to leave the only people who knew me for the first 19 years behind. and thats a lot of my life#i am 23!!!!!! ough#anyway. whatever. if u liked it i have a ko-fi#reblogos appreciated
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make a wish! 🍃
happy 1st anniversary, in stars and time 🤍
#ok hold on#isat#in stars and time#siffrin#isat siffrin#Okay. WAAAAH WAUUUUUGHWAYUUAU T_T.. HAPPY BIRTHDYS IN STARS ANDB TIMEEEE#i need that FAWKING ARTBOOOOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#idk where else to get sappy about it but tmblr tags are probably the best spot i'll get. isat is very dear to me ..#i played it when i was going through a lot of terrible grief and it really hit home for me#and as i still navigate this terrible grief it gives me a reminder that there are people out there feeling just like me#and even peolle who might not understand still care and love and cherish you. and youre loved way beyond what you really know#the art of losing isnt hard to master .. etc etc#also its nice to see a character who cant remember basic shit all the time. my personal siffrinism#siffrin is like the kim dokja of your computer. The ones who know know.#sniffle. thanks isat. thanks dev.
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the most difficult thing about growing as a person socially, as in getting out of your shell and noticing that you are, is that there will still be times when it doesn’t feel like you’ve grown at all! times when you can’t really connect with anyone around you, times when you fail to enter into an existing conversation, times when you say the wrong thing (or nothing at all when in hindsight you probably should’ve). but that’s also kind of the best thing, because that’s the thing that helps you realize that sometimes, it’s not you or your lack of skills or any shortcoming. sometimes certain environments just aren’t for you and certain people aren’t your people, and that’s okay. that’s human. it’s okay to not feel the progress you have made all the time.
#and that goes for every type of growth#backstory of this post:#after I came back after a few months of doing my international internship I felt so much more confident#it was easier making friends and walking up to people#i took more chances#and generally just heard it a lot from those around me who kept telling me how much i’d changed#this was further supported by my first office job that went pretty well#but then came my grad internship. and while i love the work and have met some great people I noticed it was difficult again#there was one office lunch where no one spoke to me at all! it was my first week and I didn’t know what to say#if i should even say anything#we were all sitting at the same table#not one person even glanced my way#it made me doubt myself; i was doing so well before#was that even real? why can’t I just speak up? this is not the way to connect with people#especially in my first week!#but you know what#i was still doing well. i just had to factor in the fact that these were all middle aged people talking about reality shows i didn’t watch#and bikes i knew nothing about#as well as people who knew i was the new intern yet didn’t speak to me at all even though I’d introduced myself to them all individually#and even so#people I couldn’t really talk to about MY interests outside of work either#my point being:#it’s okay to not feel a connection with everyone you meet#it’s okay to fall back into old habits even though you’ve developed new ones#it will never unravel the process you’ve made and the connections you’ve built#you’re doing fine#after this internship I will surround myself with people who reaffirm that belief#growth in the self#self love#positivity
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"Huh? You got a weird email from me yesterday? U-um, yeah, about that... My account was hacked, so you can just ignore it."
#mob psycho 100#mp100#kageyama ritsu#reigen arataka#hanazawa teruki#comic#teruritsu#riteru#(if you squint)#i struggled A LOT with this comic for the past several months so i'm happy it's finally done!!!#inspired by a chain email my friend sent me in 2010#and also i'm just a huge fan of ritsu being Dramatic.#(also also sneaking in teruritsu crumbs for myself and like. the 5 other people who love this rarepair lmao)
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something bad happened to you, and you died, and you came back wrong.
not wrong all the way. the little ways. you forget important dates, stopped going out with friends. it's harder to make you smile. you're apathetic towards things you used to love, afraid of places you used to go to cheer up. quieter. flinching. different.
you came back for love. you're still here for love. what pulled you back was a brightness so loud that even death couldn't outshout it. death heard the call and smiled at you and said okay. go home. somebody is waiting for you.
but you came back different. like lot's wife; you've turned into salt. you used to chirp through life in hops and skips; but now you lose skin just standing up. you have to move slower, skimming across this world without-touching-it. most things feel dull - until they're suddenly all-too-much. life, and being alive just rushes up and over you and you get hopelessly crushed.
you try to explain it to them: it is ugly, but this is what you are, now. the huge golden hoop of your halo now a little bronze ring. you are still watering your plants and wearing the same clothes. after all, you worked hard to come home. this life; so odd and off-color, now that you are wrong.
but they waited for you - it's just that they wanted the "you" that happened before this. the "you" that could sing in the show and hug people tight and look at a blade without breaking down to cry. the you with a smile in pictures. god, holyshit, it's like looking at a completely different person, isn't it. that other-you; the one they actually wanted.
you are the consolation prize. you are the body that forgot the ghost. you are the memory of the bad thing, and the death after; like you are wearing that memory as a banner. you are a fragment, an assembly. simulacrum. you don't make eye contact in mirrors, afraid the light will glance off and your true nature will flash back at you.
you hear them talk about it in their hushed, desperate whispers. sometimes they even admit it to your face; harsh and violent, acid thrown at christmas dinner. god, can you just fucking be normal again. you do not remember what normal is. you had to climb so far to get back here; you are far too exhausted. you want to open the glass door of your heart and show all the gears. can you help resolve whatever got messed up?
you try so, so hard. you came back for them. because you believed they would love you, even when you were so horribly broken. because you believed they would be patient. because you believed unconditional meant "without exception." you cannot do things the same way. you just get tired too quickly these days.
you want to put them on a couch and pour them the tea with hands that shake more than they remember. you want to line them up and draw them a map of where you have had to wander. you want to show every bruise in a backsplash; the little helpless ant of your soul carrying all that weight, over and over. you want to say: yes! it is different! but i did it for love!
you want to say: "i'm not the same, but i'm yours and i'm here. can that be enough?"
#this is very obviously about my battle with#ptsd#but i think it's also like a pretty apt metaphor for a lot of things like setting boundaries or going to therapy or choosing recovery#i was thinking about the 'comes back wrong' trope and i was like. oh no i have feelings about this bc i have mental illness#and once i stopped masking - i was WRONG. i was different#here's the good news: i am now INNUNDATED with love. fucking swimming in it. excelling at it. the people who stayed#learned my new self. my new different body and how i am different but i am trying. they have held me so tightly#and my life no longer feels quiet. it is not based in my suffering. it feels like i have been growing a tree in my chest#and now it is flowering.#it is so lovely to be surrounded by people who have said - oh! you cut off so many branches i was worried you weren't the same. but now...#... this is just a new you. and i love you. and i love that you're different and happy.#(but yeah also im nb so i was absolutely influenced by Trans things)
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Sobriety crew gets no mercy from drunk shenanigans
#an art#sdr2#super danganronpa 2#Danganronpa the#danganronpa#fuyuhiko kuzuryu#akane owari#nekomaru nidai#Aoi asahina#chihiro fujisaki#mikan tsumiki#Idk I guess I wanted to draw characters being physical. And drunk#And just have fun colouring#Nidai doesn't drink but loves parties anyway and takes the ppl who go overboard home#And then wakes them up at 8 the next day to get some NUTRITION AND ELECTROLYTES AND TO SWEAT OUT THE BOOZE#Akane only drinks super occasionally (fx when it's free or really elaborate like giant fruit cocktails) or when someone challenges her#But she always comes pick up her drunk friends (lightweight Aoi hehe). Starts a fight occasionally....#Girls are allowed to crash at her place anytime. But she wakes up at 5 and you will wake up too#Fuyuhiko doesn't drink but has to do a lot of businesses at bars which he sometimes owns some part in#So he's in the party scene a lot anyway. He takes security seriously and would rather call you a cab than let you leave on stumbly legs#Mikan doesn't know how to say no and gets swept up in drunk people being...not mean to her#Chihiro does not drink often (because it usually ends like this)#Aoi is just a lightweight and gets sick easily#I really wanted to draw Chihiro with a 70s blowout cut but I think it didn't come through lol#Not tagging ships you can make your own meaning I'm tired and I gotta wrap presents. Which i hate doing wish me well
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god Arcane S2 is so good. I love not knowing any of the source material, because I'm just consuming the story as it is - with absolutely exquisite visuals and beautifully orchestrated emotional arcs. The ending had me legit crying and loved every moment of it.
#there is incredible character work throughout but#it struck me multiple times while watching the variety and depth and interest of all the female characters in particular#as something that it is easy for a show to wobble on#but not here like truly bechdel test WHOMST#this show is about messy rich complicated *people*#and i really love the choices they made with the animation in a lot of places - like who says you need to have one style all the way throug#arcane#arcane spoilers#arcane season 2#arcane s2#op
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i never know how to phrase it but something about the way beatles biographers and people in general view paul's reflexive placating persona and determination to smooth things over as manipulative or duplicitous and john's reflexive barbed persona and habit of lashing out as brave and subversive despite both being equally defensive mechanisms to shield themselves from the world that resulted in them saying things that weren't true says more about how we culturally view kindness or friendliness as inherently untrustworthy or flimsy and anger and carelessness as more believable as someone's true nature than it says about either of them in actuality
#the beatles#john lennon#paul mccartney#mclennon#idk if im explaining this well but it always gives me whiplash to read how 'beatles historians' elsewhere view them#bc it seems like for all that theyre able to make the simple connection between johns past and trauma to his behavior#as a protective mechanism to shield him from vulnerability#far fewer people make the equally reasonable connection between pauls past#with parents that never said i love you to each other or told their children about a serious illness#and an adult paul who doesnt examine his own feelings much less speak candidly about them#or stories like mike mccartney talking about being beaten by jim while paul yelled at him to just say that he 'didnt do it' so it would sto#and an adult paul who has clearly internalized the basic cause and effect of the things you say and the consequences that come from them#and how the truth is less relevant in those situations than the obvious path of least resistance that will spare you needless pain#idk i have a lot of thoughts and feelings on how people see paul mccartney#i want to shake some of these biographers and be like this mid-20s kid experiencing a level of scrutiny and pressure#the world had never seen before#was not puppeteering everything to meet his vision#he was trying to protect himself and his friends from the very real danger of public perception!!
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Felt a bit nostalgic watching RT shut down…Here are the og faves again for old times sake 💙
#rvb#agent washington#agent Carolina#lavernius tucker#michael j caboose#epsilon#my art rvb#ahhh a lot of feelings…of course I stepped away from rt as a company a long time ago#but RvB is special to me!! it was my first fandom experience ever#and the community here on tumblr specifically was so instrumental to me growing up#I really could not have asked for a better community of artists and writers to grow up in. I know it sounds like platitudes when I say#that everyone was super nice and talented but REALLY. People were so kind to me and somehow I became well known despite#my art and writing and me in general still being immature and hashtag cringe#I found my creative legs and#people would respond to my stuff with walls and walls of support in the tags and we would do exchanges and events every year#I made my first lyric comic and it’s still doing extremely well on YouTube even today!! my dad who passed away recently always loved it#and my favorite RvB writer came out of hibernation to write me a bunch of text wall asks about it#I’ve never had another fandom experience quite like RvB#I still keep in touch with many of my friends from that time period even though we’ve all moved on the other things#these guys will always always have a place in my heart#so long reds and blues….
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