that-crippling-urge-to-run - Tumblr blog

that-crippling-urge-to-run · 6 days ago

Text

And he woke up with thorns in his throat and flowers in his hands and

Darling, he was finally home

#these were both inspired by my dream last night!#which I’m about to dump SO hard on another blog <3 #(the dream wasn’t a nightmare. it wasn’t good. but it wasn’t a nightmare)

2 notes · View notes

that-crippling-urge-to-run · 10 days ago

Text

Woke up and the sun could not feel any farther and this white room any closer.

0 notes

that-crippling-urge-to-run · 12 days ago

Text

1 note · View note

that-crippling-urge-to-run · 12 days ago

Photo

Art by Mikko Tyllinen

9K notes · View notes

that-crippling-urge-to-run · 26 days ago

Text

Idk TW

(TW for death; general themes of trauma)

0 notes

that-crippling-urge-to-run · 28 days ago

Text

2 notes · View notes

that-crippling-urge-to-run · 2 months ago

Text

It feels like I am grasping at straws and trying to hold onto my sanity. The news does not help and I think I'm going to have to stop looking for a bit. I feel bad about it but also I don't want to news to be what pushes me over and that I run away.

#There's 3 of me perpetually in argument I fear #One is Me #And they want to leave. They want to stay and they want to be okay #The other wants freedom. They look dead in the eyes of another and want to tell them they would do anything to escape.#They are holding a string and the only place it leads is Home in the forest #And the last one is begging to stay #because they love everybody and that should be enough #And I dunno why I want to leave.#I would be exhausted #but I don't want to stay #this sounds a lot sadder than I am #I'm just confused #And also tired of this conflict that literally never stops #Okay goodnight

0 notes

that-crippling-urge-to-run · 2 months ago

Text

Lately I have been daydreaming of freedom again (borderline maladaptive but we ball)

And the main issue is that it’s good. It’s better than not but it also allows me to think about how I could get out.

(Because if I’m being realistic, I could totally just be gone if I wanted to. Grandpa taught me so many skills. The only thing im not sure about would be illness)

Just thinking about it as I make this post makes me giddy

(For the record I still won’t. This is just me talking about the temptation)

#the very tantalizing temptation.

0 notes

that-crippling-urge-to-run · 2 months ago

Text

I think it very unfair I cannot just leave school to go wander. It’s midterms and I know I shouldn’t but I want to sneak out

I won’t I won’t I won’t but god is it tempting

0 notes

that-crippling-urge-to-run · 2 months ago

Text

I dunno how to TW this but. An imagine has a deer laying down (not dead but it could be taken to interpretation that way). Oh and a mild slaughter mention

1 note · View note

that-crippling-urge-to-run · 2 months ago

Text

Do not trust sleep-deprived Neo because he is very good at being sad /lh

#this is in reference to the last post that I deleted #that hopefully nobody saw #I am good and we are vibing #<- this is not sarcasm btw. I love my friends because they just switched my mood to much happier :)

1 note · View note

that-crippling-urge-to-run · 3 months ago

Text

2 notes · View notes

that-crippling-urge-to-run · 3 months ago

Text

I imagine freedom as a sort of foreign concept sometimes and not something I can gain.

It is as simple as running away, disappearing through the cracks of society. It is not having a home beneath a wildfire of plagues.

If freedom was a drink, it would be tea. All natural and sour and bitter but unaltered and delicious.

I think freedom would taste like dandelion tea, bitter and hard to manage but delicious yet. I think it is sweeter than the current acorn.

It would be drinking dandelion tea, looking to the sky.

It would be wonderful, for everyday to be started with a sky not diluted with light pollution or smog. To see the sun in its fullest, purest form instead of seeing it with a layer of filth over it.

It would be lovely, to see the sky through the canopy.

It can be beautiful, to sleep in trees. Cold, lightless nights gentled by the sound of the night, and broken by an early dawn. It would be beautiful, to be full of twigs and leaves instead of concrete and rebar.

When I look at the forests, I do not see a beautiful landscape, I see home.

I am rational, I will not run but I know in my narrow that the moment I have no obligations to society anymore I will leave, and I will return for only three things.

One day I will be in a tree and that is enough for now.

#see normally I stick to pictures but #this is one of the stronger relapses. if I were not bound here I think I’d be gone.#and I feel bad for it. I love my friends; i love (most) of my family.#and I will feel horrible gut wrenching guilt when I do leave #(if I am not dead by then. it is a scary thought; the state of the world is already so precarious)#I will feel bad when I leave but I would feel worse if I stayed.#for now poetry and moodboards and jewelry can get me through the worst of the days #when the yearning is stronger than I am #but I will persist and I will not run because I made a promise and I do not break those #I am sorry to anybody who has read this; normally I keep this blog kind of light-hearted and diluted #but my veil of dissociation is off right now and everything is so so strong #I am not even sure who it comes from but it is mostly me I presume #I think it to be nice to run #one day one day one day #one day soon ☘️🌿🍃🌱🌳

4 notes · View notes

that-crippling-urge-to-run · 3 months ago

Text