#I will feel bad when I leave but I would feel worse if I stayed.

[nephynes]

jungwon being such a sucker for tatas 🛐

in my head jungwon is a tits guy soooo

MDNI

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There isn't a single position in the world that your boyfriend can't somehow turn into an excuse to grope you.

Sitting on the couch with his head in your lap, arms wrapped around your waist, and hands up your shirt, cupping your tits like they're just... there for him. Like he owns them. Like they're not part of your body, but some security blanket he needs to function. He doesn't even look at you half the time. He just scrolls on his phone, scrolling through apps with his thumb while his fingers absentmindedly tweak your nipples under the cotton of your sleep shirt.

He does it with the same casualness as cracking his knuckles. Gentle, patient rolls between his fingers, tugging slightly every few minutes just to keep you on edge. He's not even hard—it's not about getting off. It's just his comfort, his rhythm, his thing.

"Jungwon," you say, soft but exasperated. He looks up, blinking slowly like he's just now realized what he's doing. But his hands don't move.

"Hm?"

"You don't have to touch me every second of the day, you know."

He just pouts a little. "Yes I do."

You give him a look, but he ducks his head and latches onto your chest like you're the one being ridiculous.

"M'sorry, princess" he mumbles against your skin, kissing the swell of your breast lazily. "They just... help me think."

"You're not even thinking."

He shrugs and slides his other hand under your shirt. "Still helps."

When you're in bed, it's worse.

He physically can't fall asleep unless he's got your tits in his hands—pressed together in his grip like a makeshift pillow, or your back to his chest with one hand shoved under your shirt and the other curled around your waist. You've woken up more times than you can count to him sucking your tits in his sleep, lips latched around your nipple like it's instinctual.

Sometimes, you pretend to be asleep and just watch him. His eyebrows furrow in his sleep like he's focused, like this means something to him, maybe he's dreaming about it.

And it would almost be cute, almost, if he didn't turn feral every time he had a bad day. Because when that happens, he's not subtle about it.

He comes in grumbling under his breath, eyes half-lidded, tossing his keys down like the world has upset him. You open your mouth to ask him how his day was, but he's already on you—arms wrapped around your torso, pulling you down onto the couch and burying his face in your chest before you can even sit properly.

You giggle a little, stroking his hair. “Bad day?”

"Mhm," he hums, already hiking your shirt up. "Don't wanna talk. Just wanna stay here."

"Let me guess—here," you gesture to your chest, "means my boobs?" He groans like he's in pain. "Stop teasing me. You know I can't relax until I've got them in my mouth."

You roll your eyes, but you lift your shirt anyway. "You're so dramatic."

He doesn't respond. Just presses hot, open-mouthed kisses across your chest like he's kissing away the stress of the day. Then his mouth wraps around your nipple and he sucks. Long, slow pulls—like he's feeding, like he's addicted, and the whimper that escapes his throat makes your breath catch in yours.

His eyes flutter shut. His fingers even sink into your waist.

And he just stays like that. Breathing you in. Tongue lapping lazily over your sensitive skin while you cradle his head like it's the most natural thing in the world.

"You're like a baby," you murmur.

"No I'm not," he slurs, already half-asleep, lips still moving. "My dick is so hard right now, baby."

You blink and feel it pressed against your thigh, already knowing what's coming next. No matter what position he takes you in, spooning, missionary, bent over the counter, his hands will never leave your chest. Even when he's fucking into you like he can't get enough, he's still suckling like it keeps him grounded, like it keeps him alive.

"Jungwon," you sigh, breathless already.

He kisses your sternum, then looks up at you with the softest eyes you've ever seen.

"I love you," he whispers, "but I might love them more."

You raise an eyebrow. "Really?"

He nuzzles in deeper. "Don't make me choose."

You're half-asleep when the weight of him settles on top of you. You can still feel how raw your nipples are now.

At first, you think it's just one of his usual nighttime cuddles, warm chest pressed to yours, face buried somewhere between your neck and collarbone. But then his hands push under your shirt, his palms are hot, possessive and there's a low, almost breathless murmur against your skin.

"Lift it," Jungwon says, voice rough with sleep but steady with intention. "Wanna see."

You blink through the haze. "What time is it?"

He doesn't answer. Just sits back on your hips, straddling your stomach, completely naked, cock hard and already leaking against the soft dip between your breasts.

He watches you with dark eyes, expectant.

"Come on, baby," he murmurs. "Be good for me. Let me fuck them."

You shiver.

There's no whine in his voice this time. Just calm, quiet need. And you obey, half because you want to, half because it's always like this with him, he wants it, so you give.

You pull your shirt over your head, tossing it aside. He watches the way your tits bounce free with something like reverence. One hand wraps around the base of his cock while the other glides up your thigh, over your stomach, and down between your legs, slipping effortlessly into your panties.

His fingers are already inside you before you can react—slow, deep pumps, curling just right.

"Good girl," he praises softly, using his other hand to line himself up between your breasts. "Keep holding them like that."

You do. You always do.

He thrusts forward, letting the head of his cock glide slick between the softness of your tits. Your body trembles as he fingers you deeper, his wrist moving with an ease that makes you clench around him.

"Can feel how wet you are," he moans, watching your face like he's memorizing every twitch. "You like letting me do this, huh? Like being used like this."

You nod, eyes fluttering, breath hitching as his fingers find that perfect spot inside you.

"Use your hands," he instructs gently, hips picking up a rhythm between your breasts. "Press them together for me—just like that."

His cock slides through the warm valley you've made, slick and swollen, dragging along your skin while his fingers fuck into you in slow, purposeful motions. He doesn't rush. Doesn't even moan. Just breathes heavier, leans forward slightly, lets his thumb circle your clit like he knows exactly what you need.

"You're perfect," he says, not even breathless. Just focused. Worshipful. "Always give me what I want."

You let out a soft whimper as your thighs tense, your fingers struggling to keep your tits squeezed together while pleasure curls low in your stomach. His cock is glistening now, smeared with precum and your own slick from where his fingers have been wrecking you.

He shifts slightly—grinding harder between your tits, his hand between your legs fucking you faster now, like he's trying to get you off at the same time.

"Let go for me," he says, more command than request. "Come on. Show me how much you like this."

You do—fall apart around his fingers with a sharp cry, thighs trembling beneath him. “Jun—Oh my God!” He watches you ride it out, still stroking himself between your tits, eyes fixed on your flushed, dazed face.

And when he finally cums—spilling across your chest in thick, hot ropes—it's with a low, guttural groan and his hand gripping your hip like he's anchoring himself.

“Ah! Shit shit shit! Oh fuck!” “I feel like I’m going insane.” He says continuing to rut up, overstimulating himself before finally calming down.

He doesn't move for a long minute. Just breathes, inhales and exhales where he’s situated on top of you.

Then leans forward, dragging his fingers slowly out of you and slipping them into his mouth, licking them clean without breaking eye contact.

"Didn't even need to fuck you," he mutters, kissing the space between your tits. "Just this. Just you."

You're still trying to catch your breath when he lays back down on top of you, smearing his release between your bodies like he couldn't care less. And then, just like always, his face buries into your chest again.

Safe.

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• a/n: these reqs are getting fun 🤤

[mybworlds]

A New Dawn

Pairing: jackson!joel miller x f!reader (no use of Y/N)

Summary: You, after a very long trip alone across the country, arrive in Jackson. Joel is a very lonely man and after Ellie broke up with him, he's even more alone and grumpy. Tommy and Maria decide that you're going to stay at Joel's house for a while, at least until more houses are built. Will your cohabitation be easy? Or will it be more complicated than everyone thinks?

Warnings: use of you, use of alcohol, loneliness, suicidal thoughts, suicidal attempt, a short story about sexual assault that occurred in the past I won't go into details, another SA in the present days, PTSD, violence, blood, lots of sexually explicit content, use of petnames, dirty talk, fluff elements, mutual pining, the main characters spy on each other for a while, the image of the female character has the sole purpose of representing the character, but you can imagine her however you want, no physical description of the female character except for long hair often gathered in a ponytail or braid, she wears a bra and jeans (most of the time).

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Masterlist

Thx for the dividers @saradika-graphics.

Taglist: @harriedandharassed; @lilac-boo

Joel's leg is fortunately improving day by day. But his mood gets worse and worse. You do everything to help him, to lift his mood, but nothing seems to help him. He spends whole days at the window and a couple of times you saw him cry.

You did not show yourself, you know how proud and stubborn he is, but every day that passes you want to hug him more and more, hold him tight to your chest and tell him that whatever was making him feel so bad, you would listen and be there for him!

You wonder what's happening to you and why you're starting to feel all this empathy for someone like Joel who's doing everything he can to push you away.

One day, passing in front of the door of his study, you notice one of his many guitars and so you push him to come out of his room and make him go down to the living room and somewhat reluctantly sit on the sofa.

“Why am I here?” he says to you sulkily.

“I got this,” you say, showing off his guitar.

“So?” he asks you with an impatient look on his face.

“I’ve never played the guitar,” you say, “I was thinkin’ you could teach me some chords.”

“Tsk, don't.” He barks, looking at you with an annoyed expression.

“What are you talking about?” you ask him innocently.

He clicks his tongue a couple of times, “Don't do that. You're not helping.” he sighs looking at the guitar in your hands.

“Okay, so what? What do you want to do? Drink? Drown in tears?” He looks up at you, his gaze is grim, you hit the nail on the head. “I saw you.” You admit. You should feel embarrassed or guilty, deep down maybe you do, but now is not the time to think about it.

“Are you spyin’ on me?” he asks you piquedly squinting with a displeased expression.

“No. But I live here too, Joel. And I want you to be at peace at least. I'd like you to tell me what it's torturing you, what makes you feel so bad, because if I can help you...”

“You can't!” he interrupts you abruptly, he shakes his head “It doesn't help me to play or eat your fuckin’ cookies or go out, nothing.”

You place the guitar leaning it gently against the wall, “Please, lemme help you.” you say sitting next to him.

“No.” It's his only answer. He withdraws, avoiding any kind of contact with you. You find yourself swallowing and feeling deeply disappointed, as well as hurt. After everything you've done for him.

He turns his head away as you stand up and after taking a deep breath, you nod with a hurt look, “As you wish.” You reply before disappearing from his sight.

You leave him alone at home, he doesn't need you, he doesn't want you around, he told you so many times, but you didn't give up and you swallowed so many bitter blows, you pretended not to hear, you've endured, but now you can't take it anymore.

Enough.

You don't even know how long you've been walking, you just know that you're at the stables and you are caressing what has now almost become your horse, or sort of. It relaxes you to feel the horse's fur tickling your skin. You smile and you whisper something like the two of you are going to get out together again soon and that you love him. You giggle when the horse moves its muzzle against your face.

Yes, you will do just that. You will soon return to riding, to take part in the patrols, you will go to visit Dina and if she is still not feeling well you will prepare her some tea or whatever you find. You were wrong to spend too much time with Joel, you even dedicated him maybe more time than necessary, but he's half the time so lonely that you didn't have the heart to leave him alone and. . .

“Hello!” a warm voice reaches your ear and you turn around.

You remember him, you've seen him often chatting with Seth at the Tipsy Bison and you know he's not a Joel fan.

“How are you, cutie?” he asks you, reaching you with his hands clasped behind his back.

“Good.” you reply coldly “Why are you here and not at Seth’s talking about the same things over and over again?” you ask him.

“Come on, young lady, what manners!” he replies in a slimy tone “Maybe spending too much time with Joel Miller has made you a ferocious kitty.” you frown, shivering in disgust.

“What d'ya want?” you ask, frowning in a serious expression.

“Just talk, sweet girl.” he answers “Don't be so suspicious,” he adds, raising his hands in surrender. “I come in peace.” You frown, looking at his stubby, dirt-covered fingers. “You know, Miller is a dangerous guy and since he had that accident he's been practically useless. . .”

“That's not true!” you reply immediately in a firm tone “And then he almost got killed, have some respect!”

He smiles, but it's a smile that doesn't reach his eyes, “It's admirable how a useless drunkard can find the sympathy of a young woman all alone,” you frown “I should almost think you are in love with him!” he exclaims “And yet, everyone saw you around with Noah, that nice guy,” his honeyed tone is something you like less and less.

“I don't understand these insinuations and, even if what you say were true, it's none of your business.”

His smile widens, “Think about the benefit you would get from pushing Joel Miller away,” he says “The house would be yours. Yours and maybe Noah's.”

“Enough.” you say gnashing your teeth “I don't care what your opinions are on Joel Miller. And at this point also on me.” and you start to walk past him, but he stops you by grabbing your wrist and making you turn back to him, eyes wide open with anger, a burning anger boiling inside you.

“Joel Miller has become virtually useless to this community. We’ll have a meeting soon and vote to expel him. Think about whose side you want to be on, little girl.” you abruptly break free from his grip and leave the stables.

Until now you hadn't realized how little Joel was liked by many. Maybe because of his grumpy character, maybe because of his brusque ways, maybe because he was mostly drunk, before his near death, maybe he did something bad that made him despised.

You can probably ask Maria or Dina, they’ve been around longer than you and will certainly know if anything happened before.

You don't know why you feel so sorry for someone like Joel, for someone who doesn't even say thank you for everything you did or do. You sit on a half-broken swing and think that after all he just had to adapt to a life who did everything to cut him off and kill him and now maybe it's normal to be so distrustful, grumpy, so unwilling to show the true self. It's easier to survive this way. No one can really hurt you.

It's almost dusk when you decide to leave the playground and go back home.

Home.

You tsk if you think that what seemed to you to be a new prison from which sooner or later you will escape, now you call it home.

Your real home was among those bombed because in the infected area, you were saved only by chance. You still remember the despair when you secretly went back there and found nothing. You collapsed in front of the front door, the only thing left of your house, and cried. All was gone. Your life, your dreams, your past. Everything.

You promised yourself to continue living for your parents, for your friends, you fought and hoped until you got to Jackson. But even here you continue to fight and hope for the future. Not a better future because you never believed in this optimistic vision that people have been praising so much when you were on QZ, but a future that is worth living and appreciated.

You walk back very slowly, you look around and you observe how you are all trying to live as best as possible with each other, even though the resentments, the antipathies, the hatreds that characterize all of you continue to always and in any case prevail. The real enemy, you think, is not the disease, not the Cordyceps, but the human race itself. You destroy and kill ourselves for the most various reasons regardless of the disease. It's in our nature to kill ourselves, you remember a movie quote. And it's true.

You are back. There is only one light and it comes from the living room, there is the fireplace lit. You can see the flames against the opposite wall.

Oh, he lit the fire, this is a nice surprise!

You sigh through your nose and enter. You'd like to ask Joel what he did to deserve such contempt from Seth and others like the guy who made that accusation against him, but you know he wouldn't tell you.

You enter the house almost stealthily, you're not sure you want to face him again, maybe it's best to put some distance between you.

You slip quietly into the kitchen and stand there leaning against the kitchen island, you're mulling over Joel's words and those of that man in the stables when you hear voices: they come from the living room and you can easily recognize them.

It's Joel and Ellie.

Their voices are calm, they don't sound like they're arguing or anything like that. You watch them and then see Ellie lean over and hug him. The expression on Joel's face is suddenly calm, his eyes closed and a small smile curling his lips upwards. Ellie seems to suddenly relax after weeks of tension.

You find yourself smiling and your heart suddenly warms. You leave them alone, being careful not to make the stairs creak, and go to your room.

Maybe this is what Joel definitely needs more than your presence or your care.

You just left and Joel feels his heart breaking again. These days he thought about his whole stormy life and survival. He thought about his daughter Sarah, about his failure to react promptly in protecting her.

He feels like a failure.

He was a parent and should have done everything to protect his little girl and instead he saw her die in his arms without being able to do anything to help her.

For twenty years he lived in shit as a smuggler, he committed unspeakable deeds of which he was later also ashamed. He wasn't alone. He had Tess, but he still felt so alone. Tess hugged him and sometimes she had her soft side too, she would have been a perfect partner if only he hadn't felt totally unable to reciprocate her feelings. Then she also left him to protect a little girl he didn't even care about.

The relationship with that strange girl turned out to be special right from the start and not only because of her condition, but also because of her almost tireless good humor and her determination to continue to believe in a purpose and in a humanity now in collapse. His only goal was to make it possible to create a vaccine and therefore a probable cure for all of this shit, but by now she was no longer just a commodity to be dumped somewhere. She had become a full-fledged daughter. He decided to save his world, condemning the rest of the world to live in steel barricades, armed to the teeth, and killing each other to survive. But Joel didn't care much about that. He couldn't save everyone, he saved the people who mattered to him. But Ellie didn't understand this and the result of Joel's choice was her contempt and her decision to no longer want to have anything to do with him. She still lives with him in some ways, but she constantly avoids him.

When his life seemed to be marked only by deep despair, an unexpected breath of fresh air was brought by your arrival. He can't say he was immediately struck by you, in fact your first meetings were rather stormy and even today they're not rosy, but they are undoubtedly different. He wouldn't be alive today if it weren't for you, he wouldn't be standing if you hadn't fought for him too, if you hadn't encouraged him to fight, if you weren't so stubborn even with someone like him.

Joel sits on the couch in semi-darkness and a memory comes to his mind. It's one particular night and he doesn't even know why. He had been back from the hospital for a few days and you were there for him. He was in terrible condition, spending all his time lying on his back and sleeping most of the time, his thoughts mixed up in each other. That evening it was raining and he was in bed, his leg was tingling and he still had pain everywhere, you had just given him a painkiller since he couldn't move due to the severe pain. He remembers that he was like in a state of semi-consciousness, he could feel everything, but he couldn't move. He was like paralyzed by pain. He felt you around him, he wanted to tell you to go away and rest, but he couldn't. Suddenly he felt the bed bend and then your body pressed against his, your head on his collarbone, your hand on his chest as if to check that he was breathing and then he heard you cry. A feeling of great and immense tenderness immediately spread through him, he wanted to caress your temple and reassure you and tell you to dry your tears, he wanted to tell you that you are more beautiful when you smile and when you reply to his stinging words than when you cry.

“Please, don’t die. Don’t.” he heard you beg, those trembling words spoken against his neck “How do I do?” you sigh, shaking and holding him tighter.

He feels your tears wetting the skin of his collarbones and slowly descend onto his t-shirt-covered chest.

So you care about him, despite everything.

Today he treated you badly again and you left.

Like everyone else, you left. He swallows, maybe it's better this way. He only destroys those around him. He can't help but think that maybe you won't come back. He feels a knot in his stomach at the thought of being completely alone again. His eyes fill with tears, he's a mess, a complete mess and he has only made his situation worse.

Someone knocks. He dries his eyes as best he can and goes to open the door.

It's Ellie.

“Hi.” she says, opening her eyes wide and looking him over from head to toe. She looks surprised.

“Hi, kiddo,” he returns the greeting in a hoarse voice.

“Can I come in?” she asks him hesitantly.

“It’s your house, baby girl,” Joel replies. She sighs, then he adds “If you're looking for her” referring to you “she's not home, I dunno when she'll be back or if she will.” he says with bitterness.

“I was looking for you.” she clarifies, interrupting him immediately “So, can I come in?” she asks again with a half smile on her lips.

Joel's eyes light up and he just nods.

“Fuck, it’s cold in here!” Ellie curses, making the man smile and shake his head as she enters and he closes the door behind her “We can light the fireplace, right?”

He nods barely concealing a smile.

He watches Ellie move around the house with the same agility and familiarity she once had, as if that time had never passed.

A strong, warm emotion rises in his chest. It's so beautiful. He feels so happy just seeing her next to him again, seeing that she isn't looking at him with angry, rage-filled eyes. He knows their relationship won't fix it today or tomorrow, but he hopes to have time to try now.

Silently the two sit on the couch in front of the fireplace. Joel would like to hug her tightly and apologize for having decided for her, but he doesn't know if Ellie would accept his gesture, so he sits there in silence waiting for her to talk to him, if she wants.

“Joel, what happened to you...” she says leaning forward resting her elbows on her thighs “it hit me like...” she sighs “even though you did a horrible thing, um. . . I still want make up for the time we lost together.” Joel gently strokes her head in an affectionate gesture without taking his eyes off her “It’ll take time, but. . . I hope it's not too late.” she adds, looking at him hopeful in his eyes.

“Never, lil’ one.” he says “C’mere,” he adds, hugging her and feeling Ellie's head against his chest and her arms around his torso.

The man's heart seems to swell with a deep warmth, in that embrace he melts completely and doesn't stop for even a moment to whisper to the young woman how much she means to him, how happy he is to have her there with him despite everything he did.

Somehow Joel feels like a father again and feels Ellie's closeness again as if she were his daughter. Again.

The crackling of the fire provides the backdrop to all this, then there is a distant creak and their embrace dissolves. Both Joel and Ellie turn towards the stairs expecting to see you appear at any moment, but they don't see you.

“She knows.” he says and Ellie immediately understands what he's referring to, she sighs “I trust her.” he adds in a whisper.

“Okay,” she says, swinging her legs in a nervous gesture looking down and staring at her beloved Converse shoes.

“She won’t talk.” he adds again.

Ellie nods. She, after a few moments of silence, looking up at his face, says “She's a good girl.”

“Yeah.” Joel says looking down at his hands.

“I saw both of you,” she says, “taking care of each other, in your own way.” Joel looks up at her again “She suffered a lot in these last weeks.” she reveals to him “She was afraid you wouldn't make it, but she pretended to be calm and don't worry me with her worries." Ellie continues her speech "Not everyone would have done that. I know she cares about you.”

“Nah, she doesn't.” he states looking away feeling uncomfortable with her words. They've never had this kind of conversation about his love life before and doing so now makes him feel really uncomfortable because he cares about you.

Deep down.

Ellie shakes his head “You're blind, old man!” she tsks “You know, I don't like people who lie, but for some reason I wanted to believe her that everything would be okay.” she takes a long pause “Oh, Joel. I was so scared. . .” she lets out, swallowing and swallowing back the lump in her throat at the thought that he might die.

“‘s okay, I’m here.” he tells her, caressing her cheek.

She nods, coughing and turning her head to hide the timid tears that are blurring her vision.

“Would you like if . . . um . . . if we tried to make up for lost time?” he asks her again.

“I’d like that.” she says breathing deeply to fight back the tears.

They talk, talk, talk and smile at each other like they used to. It's a beautiful afternoon and then evening they spend.

Ellie falls asleep on his couch and Joel stays by her side watching her with great tenderness. Joel feels for the first time a deep sense of peace, he felt broken, desperate and now instead he's fine again.

He checks the fire, then the front door, and then goes upstairs. He's about to go past your half-open door, but then he thinks better of it and goes inside. He never entered your room at night, except that one time he heard you screaming in your sleep; he remembers your eyes full of terror, you must have dreamed something really horrible. Who knows if it was just a dream or some memory that still haunts you!

The dim light of the street partially illuminates your room and he sees you sleeping so blissfully: your hair is loose and spread across the pillow, you are lying on your back, your lips parted, your breathing a little heavier, one of your hands is placed at chest height, the other on your belly. You are a very sweet image.

Almost as if you sensed him, you mutter his name. He doesn't move. Maybe you're waking up, but if you are, he doesn't want you to find him leaning over you.

You don't wake up, but you roll over onto your side, exposing your belly before you wrinkle your nose and go back to sleep.

When he's about to leave, you call him and this time you're awake.

“What are you doing?” you ask him, rubbing your eyes and sitting up.

Fuck...

“Um, I... I just wanted to tell you, um...” he stammers uncertainly as he slowly approaches you. “May I?” he asks, pointing to your bed.

You, still a little dazed, nod, giving him some space. “Tell me.” You say, looking at his face as best you can given the partial light in the room. His features in that light seem to be even more marked and masculine. Part of his face is shrouded in the shadow of the night, while the other half is well lit so that you can even see his expression.

“You know I'm not a man of many words,” he says and a small smile stretches your lips into a closed-mouth smile “but I have to tell you something, and that is…” Joel hesitates. “I think that guy you’re dating, what’s his name? Lukas, Dean . . ?”

Your smile fades, “Noah. He’s a friend. I’m not dating him.” You clarify immediately.

“You don’t have to say anything, you can do whatever you want.” he says “He’s perfect for you. And . . . um, I think you should give him a chance.”

You frown at being treated like a child, “If and when it happens, it's a decision that's up to me, Miller.”

His expression changes for a moment as if your tone and calling him by his last name had given him a slap in the face, you see him clench his jaw and his eyes narrow. He nods.

“Did you sneak into my room and wake me up just to tell me that?” you ask him annoyed.

He seems uncertain again, but this uncertainty only lasts a handful of seconds and then he regains his iron self-control which leads him to add, “Um, no. Tomorrow I'll resume my patrols,” you observe him without adding anything else, you don't know what to say, you are speechless “I think it’s good to pick up where I left off,” he adds, and you look down, realizing your heart is pounding in your chest.

You feel upside down, Joel is a continuous cyclone. When you think you know him, he makes you realize you don't know him at all.

You don't comment on his words, you don't even know why you smiled seeing him there furtively in your room. Maybe you were hoping he was there to apologize for his harsh behavior earlier in the day or maybe something else, you're not sure. You only know that being treated like an idiot hurt you perhaps more than it should have.

[mikimakiboo]

Mermay day 14 - Boiled Nerves

- Megalodontale -

Dream escaped the nest, Cross is trying to catch him, the situation gets... hot. Litteraly.

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The goldfish was fast, Cross had to admit, even if the thresher wasn't particularly slow either the Leviathan's small form allowed him to take sharper turns and go through shortcuts too tight for the megalodon to follow him, forcing him to take other paths. They were technically over this whole "escaping the nest" thing, but still the shiver didn't like letting the small ones out alone, they wanted to be here to protect them, to prevent them from tiring themselves out, so Dream fleeing like that wasn't ideal.

- Dream ! Come back please I just want to know where you're going ! Cross pleaded.

He would gladly follow him anywhere he wanted to go, if only Dream had told him, but the Leviathan had just been watching them, looking for the right moment to leave the nest and flee. He didn't know what could have caused him to do that, did they say or do something bad ? Cross didn't remember doing anything in particular, but then again, Dream was a God, something normal to them could have been offensive to him.

- I promise I won't take you back to the nest ! Cross tried again.

He really just wanted to know what was wrong and why he fled like that, where he wanted to go. He was starting to get tired too from this chase.

Dream eventually stumbled accross a ship wreck, forcing him to stop before crashing into it. Cross took this opportunity to swiftly trap him between his hands, careful not to squish him.

- Finally... ! He sighed in relief.

But the relief was short as he soon felt the water suddenly boil between his fingers, making him let out a hurt yelp as he reflexivly let go of the glowing goldfish. As he was checking his hands, Dream escaped again, Cross didn't have time to catch him. He whined, going back to chase after the Leviathan.

Cross lost him for a few seconds before spotting the glowing golden light a little farther, he didn't waste any time and followed the beacon until he reached a small rock: Dream was laying on it, looking quite mad as he stared at Cross like he dared him to try and move him. The sun was directly hitting the rock, reflecting on the golden scales of the God.

- Did you seriously make such a big scene and almost burned my hands just to go sunbathing ? He asked, a little pissed.

Cross knew Dream loved sunbathing, but he could have just asked him and Cross would have taken him to the rock without discussing it ! Dream didn't answer, clearly grumpy, as he just glared at the megalodon. Cross eventually sighed, again, and went to lay down near the rock.

- You keep saying Nightmare is grumpy but honestly you're worse.

Dream flicked his tail, but didn't answer, determined to stay silent today.

- Tell me when you're done, I don't want to chase you again to the nest.

Dream huffed, but didn't move. He did feel a bit bad about almost hurting the shark and make him chase after him, but he hadn't sunbathed in ages and his body was craving it more than anything.

He would apologize later though, for now he had a more important activity to do. 

[theoceanoasis]

Fantasy Au idea

One day Soundwave ends up getting deadly sick leaving the cassettes worried sick as they can't do anything but make Soundwave comfortable and hope he gets better. As Soundwave gets weaker each day, Megatron orders his best medics and scouts to try and find a cure for he can't lose his closest friend and secret love.

After a few weeks Shockwave reports that he found something or rather someone who could cure Soundwave the God of the Sun and Fire, Rodimus. The purple mech then goes on how if they visit the temple in Nyon and present an offering to Rodimus that Soundwave would surely be cured. Though Shockwave warns that Megatron might be forced to offer something he'd lose forever as the Sun God has been known to request such items before.

"Megatron."

Ravage walked over, looking exhausted and stressed.

"He's getting worse every day. If something isn't done soon..."

"I know."

He followed Ravage to Soundwaves' room, trying to ignore the smell of sick. He'd been ill for a few weeks now. At first, he tried to continue his work, but as time progressed, he got sicker and sicker until he collapsed. After that, he couldn't even get out of bed.

He sat next to him, unsure if Soundwave could even tell. He held his hand and stayed with him, just reading, hoping he'll wake up by some miracle, he'll get better. It was hard to ignore how bad he'd gotten, how his frame rattled. How his systems slowed. The way he couldn't even turn on his optics anymore. Couldn't even respond. He was hooked up to so many tubes and equipment,t all of them keeping him alive at this point.

"I'll find a way to save you."

He squeezed his hand. Soundwave had no idea. He'd never had the chance to tell him, and he might never get the chance, but he loved him. He's loved him for a long time, and if he ever got better, he'd tell him how he feels.

Medics come in and out, checking on Soundwave and updating him on his condition. All of them had grim looks on their faces despite being the best of the best.

Then, Shockwave came, having found something that might work.

"You won't like it."

"What is it?"

"There have been rumors of a god who can save him."

He scoffed, having lost faith a long time ago.

"Are you sure this isn't a scam?"

"The people of Nyon claim he is legit."

"And what do I need to do to get this 'god" to help?"

"You must go to his temple in Nyon and offer a gift. Ask him to help cure Soundwave."

He sighed. Even though he didn't think it would work at this point, he was desperate and willing to try anything."

"Then let's go immediately Soundwave is running out of time."

Shockwave nodded, and he picked out some fancy trinket that would surely appease the god. Nyon was a poor city, and the trinket was probably more expensive than what he got in a year of hustling people.

When they arrived at the temple, the priests only let him inside. They took him to an altar, and he looked around, wondering where this "god" would appear from.

"Rodimus, god of the sun and fire. Patron saint of Nyon, I humbly ask for your audience."

He read the script, trying not to cringe as he kneeled before the altar.

The room began to heat, and with a blinding light, Rodimus appeared. He was a beautiful mech whose paint suited him well with its shiny reds and golds. He held up his offering, and the god didn't even glance at it.

"What have you come here for?"

He tilted his head, giving him a curious look.

"I can tell you are skeptical. Which means the reason for coming here must be important."

He barely held back a scoff, not wanting to be rude even if he thought the mech was a charlatan.

"My friend is sick and even the best doctors can not help him."

"You want me to heal him?"

"Yes."

"I can do that, but I must warn you that asking such a thing comes with a heavy price. You will lose something important to you."

"I agree."

He assumed the mech would ask for money and was willing to dish out however much if it meant Soundwave would live.

"Take this and place it on your friend's chest. Then when the sun is highest, he will be heated."

The mech held out a golden piece of metal with his face on it. He stared, wondering how vain he could be, just as the "god" disappeared.

On the way back, he tried not to complain about his time being wasted, after all, he was the one who asked to come. He turned the metal piece over in his hands, giving it an unimpressed look.

Although the mech hadn't taken his offering, he still felt scammed and highly doubted this would work.

When they returned, Ravage was waiting with a scared look on his face. His spark froze because Soundwave didn't have much time. Rushing to his room, he collapsed by his side, apologizing for leaving, especially over something so dumb.

Soundwave didn't respond, and he looked at the metal piece still in his hands. Having nothing to lose, he placed it on his chest and waited. When the sun rose to its highest peak, the room became unbearably warm.

He took a step back in surprise, wondering what was happening, when Rodimus appeared in a blinding light. He looked down at Soundwave and gently touched his face.

His hand then moved down to his chest, and he placed both hands on top. Closing his optics, he noticed a soft, comforting light that slowly consumed Soundwave. He watched in shock as his body was healed right before his optics. When Rodimus finished, he looked exhausted, and Soundwave finally turned on his optics.

He sighed in relief, watching as Soundwave sat up.

"How are you feeling?"

He asked only for Soundwave to ignore him. Instead, he was staring at Rodimus completely transfixed.

"Rodimus."

The mech whispered like a prayer, and the god sat in front of him.

Soundwave reached out, gently holding his face, and the god had tears in his optics.

"I remember you... I'm supposed to protect you. I am your lord protector."

"What?"

He looked between the two as Rodimus nodded, tears falling as he held Soundwave's arms.

"I've missed you so much."

Soundwave leaned over and kissed Rodimus, shattering his spark. His engine revved as he glared at Rodimus.

"What did you do to him? Soundwave isn't your lord protector, you freak!"

Rodimus flinched, and his oldest friend glared at him.

"Don't you dare talk to him like that."

"Soundwave."

He tried to argue.

"He's done something to your head. You need to snap out of it."

"No. He saved me. For the first time in a long time, I know who I'm supposed to be. I remember now. Rodimus is my god, and he is my love. Our sparks are bound as one, and our love will last an eternity."

He glared at Rodimus because Soundwave had clearly lost it.

"What have you done to him?"

"I restored his memories of our past lives. When you came to me, I had a vision that Soundwave was the one you were trying to save. I know about your feelings about him, which is why I warned you. When I healed him, I healed him completely, including returning his memories to him. I know he is the most precious thing to you, but with his memories returned, he will have to leave you. Soundwave is my lord protector. He will be mine in every life, just as I will be his. Our sparks are one, and our love is eternal."

Rodimus held out a hand, and Soundwave easily took it. He tried to protest, but with a blinding light, they were gone.

[kathrahender]

I Want You To Stay

Jim walked Strickler to the exit of the Trollmarket, where the gyre would take him away. They walked in complete silence, not even looking at each other. Jim didn’t want to speak. Not because he didn’t care, but because he didn’t know what to say.

Their relationship wasn’t the same anymore, and he didn’t want to pretend it was.

Strickler was his enemy. And he hadn’t forgotten everything he’d done.

Strickler had revealed to Bular that Jim was the Trollhunter. He had betrayed him without a second thought. He had fought against him. He returned to Arcadia weeks after Jim defeated Bular, only to continue antagonizing him. He had awakened Angor Rot. He had bound his fate to Barbara’s.

The damage from all of that hadn’t disappeared— and it wouldn’t anytime soon.

And yes, they had worked together. When Strickler came to his house asking for help with Angor Rot, Jim helped him. They had worked together to defeat the troll assasin, but that barely meant anything. Strickler had shown he wasn’t as bad as Jim once thought, but Jim could no longer see him the same way.

“Are you sure there’s nothing else I can do?” Strickler asked just as the gyre came into view.

Jim grimaced. You had to ask that. Holding back a sigh, he looked at Strickler. “The other trolls don’t trust you to fight beside them. And honestly, neither do I.”

For a moment, pain flickered in Strickler’s eyes, and Jim quickly looked away. He couldn’t allow himself to feel sorry for Strickler. Not after everything that had happened.

Still, he felt a pressure in his chest when he heard him whisper, “I suppose I deserve that.”

Jim turned his head to look at Strickler, who was staring at the gyre, not at him. That expression on his face —and the sling around one of his arms— made him look different.

He didn’t look like the monster who had attacked him.

He didn’t look like the changeling who had fought him at the museum or in his home.

He looked like... a tormented man.

Shit. He cursed himself for feeling empathy, and sighed.

“I... I might not trust you to fight with us,” Jim began. He could feel Strickler looking at him, but this time, he was the one who didn't look at the changeling. “But believe me, I want to. I want to trust you. I just... after everything that’s happened, I don’t know how.”

Strickler exhaled sharply. “I understand. I’m not asking you to trust me, Jim.”

Strickler’s expression became sadder, and Jim began to regret what he’d said. He was supposed to make him feel better, not make him feel worse.

“That’s not what I meant,” Jim said, clenching one fist and closing his eyes, trying to focus. “What I meant is... I want you to stay.” He opened his eyes. His words sounded sincere even to his own ears — not a lie to make Strickler feel better. “I want you to stay,” Jim repeated, looking at Strickler, who watched him silently. “I’m just... not sure it will work. The trolls don’t want to fight with you, and...”

Strickler placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it with a warmth Jim hadn’t felt in a long time. “Then I’ll leave. You don’t have to—”

“Strickler,” Jim cut him off. “Maybe you can’t fight with us right now, but you can still stay in Arcadia. You don’t have to leave if you don’t want to. I…” Jim hesitated. “I don’t want you to go."

“Why not?”

“Because...”

Because I don’t want to lose you again.

Because deep down I still need you.

He tried to ignore both thoughts and said the first thing that came to mind: “Because you want to help. And if you want to help me, then you have to stay here to prove it.”

Strickler hesitated for a moment, as if unsure whether to trust Jim’s words. But at last, he gave a faint smile.

“Alright. I’ll stay.”

[quietplace26]

Notes: Since this was requested quite a bit, and I'm feeling up to it, I decided to do a part two of that angst Furina!MC x Zhongli fic of mine. The original post is HERE.

Sorry if its sloppy or too short, but at least it's something. 😥

Also, thanks again to @arn9tails and for @platinumrosetail for helping me think of ideas.

Warnings: OCness, cringe, yandere elements.

Of course, Neuvillette would probably be angry to see that FAKE ex-Hydro usurper before him. Like how dare she show her face before his after everything.

He's so mad that he doesn't even notice her baby bump, or her flinching in utter fear at the sight of him as he stomps over, only to truly notice when she screams for "ZHONGLI!!", and the usurper of GEO, comes rushing over, and tackles Neuvillette away.

Snarls and roars fill the streets as both dragons wrestled on the ground, only for Zhongli to come out as the winner, pinning a still confused and equally angry Hydro Sovereign to the ground.

"Stay away from my mate and child, Hydro Sovereign!"

It's only with those words does the anger that blinded Neuvillette clears, letting him see Furina!MC truly for the first time.

She was huddled away, crying, staring at him in complete, utter terror as she held her belly, protectively hiding her baby bump.

Like she thought he was going to rip her child from her womb.

As Deus Auri stands and rushes over to his crying mate, Neuvillette stays on the ground, staring at the former Hydro Archon in an almost childlike confusion.

From the way she timidly held herself, to the way she spoke, and even to the way she wailed into the Geo Usurper's chest, there was no sign of the bratty, selfish Goddess he was stuck with for 500 years...

Ending 1. Neutral ending.

Neuvillette leaves Furina!MC be in Liyue.

She's not doing anything wrong.

She's just... living. She has a life, a family.

There was no reason for him to stick his nose where it doesn't belong.

Ending 2. Bad ending.

Neuvillette becomes consumed with thoughts about Furina!MC.

Seeing her happy and free in Liyue, smiling a smile that doesn't match any of the haughty, sly ones he recalls in his memories, did things to him.

He watches her, studies her while in Liyue.

And it only makes the obsession grow as he sees a side of her that he's never seen... Or maybe he just never bothered to look deeper.

Gentle, soft-spoken, a love of knitting toys for children, and so much more.

And a happy mother to be as well. He sees how she cradles her bump, humming soft tunes as she rubs the small bump, clearly in love with her child already.

All the while the father of the babe was always by her side, smiling as well.

Deus Auri. Morax. Rex Lapis. The so-called God of Contracts, and most of all, the Geo Usurper.

This disgrace of a dragon was Furina!MC's mate? The father of her child? How disgraceful! And he dared to give her a GEO vision?! How dare he-

Neuvillette's thoughts only go downhill from there as in the last days of his trip to Liyue, he tries to talk to Furina!MC.

It was an awkward, tense filled conversation, but he now had HER view on things... Including Focalors' treatment of her.

And when he asks her to return to Fontaine with him so he could clear her name, she flat out says 'no', and... and asks him to stay away from her from now on.

This turns out to the worse thing to say.

Neuvillette more or less goes down the crazy yandere route, trying every possible way to pry Furina!MC from Liyue's protective hands.

From underhanded to quite frankly downright dangerous ways, Neuvillette couldn't be stopped.

An obsessed dragon is the most dangerous of dragons...

At this point Fontaine and Liyue were at the edge of war.

Still, Furina!MC remains in the safety of Liyue, in Zhongli's arms... Until she wasn't.

Neuvillette manages to snatch her one night, sweeping her back to Fontaine, where he does something horrific.

Ignoring his new and rightful mate's screams, he presses a hand against her now swollen belly, feeling the hatchling moving around inside, and let's his Authority flow.

He couldn't let it remain the spawn of the Geo Usurper. So, he'll just change its element entirely...

Ending 3. Good ending.

Where like the bad ending, Neuvillette still becomes rather obsessed with Furina!MC after meeting her again, however, he takes a different route.

Meaning, he somehow ends up in a contract with an irritated Zhongli, and now the two them share Furina!MC.

Of course, this took a lot of time and effort on Neuvillette's part, as he had to prove himself to Furina!MC.

This also meant him having to sit down with her to talk. No more lies. No sneaky Goddess pulling the strings. Just him and Furina!MC.

And a very grumpy Zhongli who refused to leave Furina!MC alone with the Sovereign.

The talk was awkward and tense... And by the end of it Furina!MC was crying from recounting all she went through.

And the sky cried with her as Neuvillette's emotions grew erratic the more she talked...

If Focalors hadn't died, then he would've-

Mostly after that is spent Neuvillette slowly courting Furina!MC, gaining her trust as Zhongli watched him like a hawk.

And by the time Furina!MC's child was born, it got not one dragon daddy, but two.

[tryandbehappy]

okay maybe it’s just me but i’m so sick of people being like “nick should love the wife he was forced to have in the fascist police state that he can’t escape from!!! if he doesn’t love his fake wife then he’s a horrible person!!!” like yall. bffr “nick has a family now” that is not his family lmao. HE says it in the show because that’s HIS reality but it’s not real. shipping rose and nick is weird. i think some people have lost the plot. gilead/nb/real life fascist states make people afraid in order to get them to comply. a lot of what nick has done is just to stay alive. that’s how good people end up doing “bad” things / do things they don’t want to do. i hope nick is able to make a decision based on what HE wants before the season is up. that’s true freedom. if rose/the baby live and he still leaves them that does not make him bad or a dead beat. rebellion in fascist states is not going to be pretty or tied with a bow.

I agree, Anon. the show is actually not about what’s “right” or “proper.” It’s about true freedom. And “doing the right thing” is exactly what June keeps trying to do and we see how much it hurts her. It tortures her, it tortures Luke, and it tortures Nick because, in the end, she doesn’t choose him either not because she doesn’t love him, but because she feels obligated to Luke.

And about Nick: I used to think he was forced into that marriage. But in this season, I realized: Rose was his attempt to forget June. That’s the truth. Because we saw all throughout season 4, and really all throughout season 5 too, how hard he was trying to move on. He even said it to Lawrence: “I can’t move on.” And Lawrence said, “She’s never coming back to you, and you know that.” And Nick said, “I know. I just want her to stay alive.”

He knew this love was destroying him because he couldn’t have her, and he had to build some kind of life. He also knew that he’d be expected to marry and if he didn’t choose someone, the system would do it for him. And then he’d end up with a Handmaid and all the other Gilead horror. So he took it into his own hands. That’s how I see it. He picked someone himself to avoid worse.

And he really tried to make that marriage work. We know he told Rose about June which is huge. That’s such a deep level of trust. Why would he do that? Because he wanted that relationship to be honest and real. He really tried. He’s incredibly loyal and we see that, how much it tore him up, how he tried to keep his distance from June all through season 5. He told her again and again: “We won’t be able to talk anymore.” In episode 3. In episode 9: “it’ll be hard for us to see each other.” Even though we saw how much he still wanted to be with her, in every scene. On the phone, when he imagined kissing her. When he told her Rose was pregnant, he even leaned in to kiss June, then stopped himself.

He tried so hard to bury all his feelings, to bottle them up and move on. But you can’t do that forever. The pressure built. And then it exploded. We saw the growing tension with Rose. We saw him snap, for the first time ever!!!! when he punched Lawrence in public and totally blew his cover. He cracked. He couldn’t take it anymore. All those bottled-up feelings just broke through.

At the beginning of the season, I thought maybe he’d just wait, keep quietly hoping for June to choose him. But he didn’t even wait for that. He was already ready to throw everything away. Because he realized: he can’t keep living like this 😭

And that doesn’t make him a bad person. Like I said this show is about freedom. Both external and internal. Internal freedom is the ability to choose for yourself, regardless of what’s “right” or what other people expect. And I truly believe it’s all leading to Nick breaking free, from these chains, from this prison.

Yes, it’s unfortunate. Yes, Rose is a victim in this. But sometimes life just is like that. It’s complicated. And it makes him human.

[unspoken-blossomed-feelings]

{A call is all it takes to let you know when it's time to get medicine and soup.}

ᯓ✮ Hyunjin & gn! reader ¦ ft. Changbin

ᯓ✮ content: fluff 🌷

ᯓ✮ wc: 937

ᯓ✮ warning: mention of food (soup) and eating soup. 🙂‍↕️

All it took was one call to let you know what kind of day it would be. "I feel awful,"  was the only thing you heard before he started coughing. Next thing you knew, you were on your way to his apartment, carrying bags with ingredients for soup in each hand. Plus, medicine and extra super important supplies (required whenever your best friend was sick) in your backpack.

     It only took a few complaints from Hyunjin when it came to taking medicine. A few "ew" and "It tastes gross"  were pretty common. However, it was a whole another story when it came to leaving him alone in his room. He would hold onto your hand and shake his head every time you told him to let go, almost as if you were about to abandon him for good.

"I'll go with you," he said for the third time, trying to get up, so you lifted his chin with your free hand.

"Hwang Hyunjin, for the last time, I need to prepare your soup. Stay here."

     He rolled his eyes before grumbling "Fine." After that, you pulled your hand and even though he was unwilling to, he let you go in the end.

     It didn't take long to prepare the soup, unless you were to ask Hyunjin who would say you left him alone for an eternity. Once you turned the heat down to a lower setting, you went back and forth from the kitchen to Hyunjin's bedroom to check up on him.

     In your last trip to the kitchen, the soup was almost ready, so you stirred it a few more times before using another spoon to try it. In the meantime, someone else joined you in the kitchen and cleared his throat. You were about to scold Hyunjin for getting up when a complete stranger appeared in front of you.

"Hello," he said, and whilst there was a smile on his face, you could also tell he seemed confused. After all, to him, you were the stranger in his apartment.

"Oh, hello. You must be Hyunjin's new roommate! Changbin, right?" The man nodded, and you smiled "I'm Hyunjin's best friend."

     As soon as your name left your lips to introduce yourself, Changbin's mouth twitched as he tried to hold himself back from smirking.

"Oh, so you're the famous best friend." The man in front of you giggled, and you tilted your head.

"Has he talked about me?" You asked slowly, only to receive a quick nod in response "Only good things, I hope." You added then, scoffing jokingly.

     Changbin smiled. He could tell you all about how his roommate never stopped talking about you, but he simply confirmed your statement. "Only good things, don't worry."

     When the sound of a pair of slippers being dragged across the floor reached your ears, you knew your guy had ran out of patience.

"Why are you taking so looong?" Hyunjin whined, and you knew he was pouting without even looking at him.

     The fact that you were serving the soup in a bowl at that exact moment didn't let you see the way Hyunjin's eyes opened wide like saucers when he saw his roommate in the kitchen.

"Changbin- what are you doing here?"

     Changbin scoffed at the question "You mean, in our shared apartment?" but before he could pretend to be offended, Changbin rubbed his chin as if he were trying to remember something. "I thought you said you didn't feel that bad earlier..."

     Hyunjin took three steps towards Changbin, ready to cover his mouth if he had to."It got worse! Now, stop pestering me before you give me a headache."

Once you finally turned towards him, you frowned. "Hyune, don't be mean just because you're sick"

"Sorry."

"Alright, soup is ready, " you said whilst lifting the tray with the bowl. "Changbin, you could get some while it's hot? My cooking is pretty decent, if I say so myself. Alright, angel. Back to bed."

"Wait, should I feed him?" Changbin asked, and you turned around to meet the concerned expression on his face "What if he gets you sick?"

     Hyunjin was fuming over your shoulder, a scowl on his face as he muttered Changbin to leave you alone. His hand reached out to hold onto the sleeve of your sweater, and he pulled slightly to get your attention back.

"Oh, don't worry." you shook your head "It's not the first time, so I'm kind of an expert by now. But, thank you for offering."

"Sure. Thanks for sharing the soup."

"Of course! Let me know if you like it." Changbin nodded his head, and you resumed your walk towards your best friend's bedroom while carrying the tray with Hyunjin trailing right behind you.

     As soon as Hyunjin settled once again in his bed, sitting against a pile of pillows, you sat next to him to hand him the tray.

"Ah, my arms are so tired..." he complained as he looked at you pouting. Before you could say anything, he was already opening his mouth for you to feed him.

     You scoffed at his acting, but your hand simply reached out to take a spoonful of soup. You blew on it lightly before taking the spoon to his mouth. After he savoured the tasty home cooked meal, a contented sigh escaped his lips.

     The sight squeezed your heart, and your eyes looked at him fondly. It was a tender gaze that was only reserved for him. And as Hyunjin looked back at you with the same tenderness, he thought about how grateful he was for having you in his life.

ᯓ✮m.list

A/N: I can't believe it took me this long to post because I didn't know what Hyunjin's picture I could choose. And I kinda didn't finish until I made the small collage-banner bc my brain wouldn't let me finish otherwise, idk

Did you guys see Arena's covers for June?

I love my dearest, he looks so ✨radiantemente bonitooo✨ Also, that clip never ends, that's crazy... (or was I just watching it on loop? oops)

-Sophie🌱

Unspoken-blossomed-feelings🌱

[eroticcannibal]

As a parent, what's your take on the UK government's desire for all adults trying to access porn to have to use ID? I feel so against it for security reasons (I work in childcare so I don't want my ID linked to the porn I watch, I already feel nervous to be seen going into sex shops and such in my everyday life). But I know it's worrying that young teens are stumbling across porn online? (I mean, I don't think it actually did me any harm when I was a teen, but for other people they say it did).

Fully 100% against it.

First of all, it won't work. Even if you support invasions of privacy and restrictions of rights to "save the children", this should still be opposed because it won't work. There has never been any kind of limiting what kids view that works. Not ever. It will never exist. Kids are resourceful and curious. They will bypass it every time.

The dark side of *that* is the more you have to get round protective measures, the more dangerous the spaces you end up in. Linking back to that previous anon with how to find even some quite normie kink stuff you've got to look in dodgier places, the same happens here too. Yes, pornhub will block you. Any reputable site will block you until you show ID. Think what sites are fine with breaking the law. That's where kids will go.

I'm also incredibly worried about what kids will share among themselves, given the current issue with more and more kids in telegram groups sharing quite dodgy shit and sometimes even illegal things, including images of their peers. I can imagine if it's harder to get on to pornhub, that will only get worse.

More of a parenty opinion but I also firmly believe that things should, as much as is reasonable and possible, be framed as shouldn't rather than banned. A kid who has a bad time in a situation they aren't allowed to participate in, especially if it involves breaking the law, is less likely to seek help. I've already had to jump this hurdle with the child, I've always been "shouldn't" regarding porn and explained why as well as been clear about what the law is, when would be appropriate, how to stay safe etc. When they've crossed a line, they've told me and we could deal with it. And they were quite young when this happened, but they haven't suffered all the ills people worry about because we were able to handle it, and it was experienced on top of a strong foundation about appropriate behaviour and why it is important. Now they know to stick to their T rated batfam fics.

And then because it's the UK we need to worry about the fact that PERFECTLY MORAL AND CONSENSUAL sexual activity is criminalised here, and at least some of that is illegal to view if too "realistic" (which is not legally defined). I'm very much not a fan of the idea of making it easier to enforce such laws.

And then yeah privacy god can you imagine a data leak and now everyone knows what you watch. Yikes.

It is also entirely invalidated by VPNs, making the entire thing a pointless exercise.

I really think we need to move away from hiding all the sex from the people experiencing their bodies demanding sex related experiences, we all know what puberty is like, we all know they will find an outlet, and leaving them to work that out for themselves is what is dangerous. Really working out as a society where the line is, what it *is* ok for them to view and when and encouraging healthy and age appropriate explorations of sex let's them know what they *can* do. Like, it's the basic parenting tactic, a kid will always struggle with "don't do x" because it's harder to process the negative. They will succeed easier if you instead tell them what they can do. That's a clear instruction.

[the-red-thread-that-strangles]

☠️🔻♥️ penny for your akai thoughts? 🥺

Hehe thank you for the ask, Celine

(ask meme here, musings and ramblings under the cut)

✨🚬 Akai Shuuichi🪗✨

☠️ Angry/violent headcanons

This is difficult to answer for me, but I think separating the two aspects of this category will allow me to consider both carefully. The problem is, I'm a big proponent of Akai being too numb to get angry. After all, this is the man who smiled at the guy who killed his girlfriend and called him his "beloved enemy". And while I do believe that his dramatic disney princess haircut upon hearing of Akemi's death was partly motivated by anger (and probably alcohol), I think it was mostly grief that drove him to it. Akai Shuuichi's anger, when it does exist, is cold and callous, because he knows he'll get what he wants eventually - or die trying.

If anything, I think he's the type to internalise the anger and turn it inwards. I wonder if the alcohol and cigarettes are a form of self-harm through negligence. Does he think he doesn't deserve better than this, seeing as he's just a tool of violence and death?

Now, the violence aspect is much more interesting. I think that to Akai, violence is a tool. He's not necessarily drawn to it, but he's used to it, and he wields it well. When I first started researching the psychology of people exposed to violence, I learned one very important thing: spies, policemen, soldiers, and other people exposed to violence are not fighters. Akai is not a fighter. Fighting is a ritual, usually done in social situations (to establish dominance, power, etc), with certain rules. If you are forced to fight, you have already lost the pre-confrontation stage of the altercation, the planning, the opportunity to simply crush your opponent with overwhelming force and violence.* I think that Akai excels at this step (he has to, as a sniper), and that he's capable of impressive displays of violence without blinking. It's as much a deterrent as a tool - after all, people will get the message to not try to mess with him if he crushes his opposition mercilessly. We've all spent a lot of time thinking about how Calvados and Kusuda would rather die than deal with Rye, and how the BO has kill-on-sight orders for him. I think it's because of his skill at inflicting violence. He's not cruel - leave that to Bourbon - but he's cold, merciless, and somehow, that's worse. You can't taunt him, can't reason with him. Once he's got you in his sights, you will eventually perish. That's the grim reaper for you.

And he won't even feel bad about it.

*Side note, but this made me think again about how cute the Ferris Wheel fight is, and how much Akai is indulging Rei there. He's meeting Rei where he's at, playing with the rules Rei presents without speaking, without intent to seriously harm, even dragging him back from certain death. Hell, all the while he's handicapped by his rifle case, and the enemy is coming. Akai should be way too smart to indulge like this, but he clearly is, and that's so cute.

🔻 Childhood headcanons

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Akai Shuuichi was daddy's little boy. I'll die on the hill that he first handled a rifle at a very young age when Tsutomu took him on hunting trips.

Other than that, I like to think he used to be a quiet kid, preferring to read over talking to others. In the plant one shot, I wrote teen Akai hiding behind the branches of his willow and reading, and that visual stuck.

I like to think he smiled more, and more genuinely too. Imagining small Akai all bashful because he stayed up too late and Mary caught him reading Holmes novels under the blankets with a flashlight gives me joy. ("You're going to ruin your eyesight", she chastised, and now look where we are. Mr. 20/20 long distance sniper really showed her. Actually. I think Mary should meet Okiya with his glasses, and chastise him for finally needing them. Akai can't well refute her, because he does need them; granted, it's for disguise purposes and not to aid his vision, but she has a point. Also, moving away from the childhood hcs, old man Akai with glasses is peak 🙏 )

Also I imagine Akai not really knowing what to do with his little brother, and Shuukichi trailing after him like a little duckling. Imagining Akai reading him bedtime stories to get him to calm down is soothing my heart.

Oh and lastly, our beloved little pale grim reaper got sunburnt easily I'm sure. Now, this might not have been a problem in England due to the mostly rainy weather, but I bet there exists a photo of a young Akai who could pass as a lobster from when they visited Japan in the summer time.

❤️ Family headcanons

I'm not really sure what to say here aside from Akai clearly being a family man, even if he's not too great at showing it. He cares about his siblings and is fond of his mom, even estranged as they are, and if anybody hurts them, he retaliates at full force.

This also applies to Yumi, as Shuukichi's fiancée, and probably will also apply to whoever Masumi drags into the mess that is the Akai family. Rip Ran or Momiji or-

I think Akai has been away for so long that he doesn't really know how to interact with his family; there will probably be a bit of a reality check for Masumi at one point when she realises that the cool brother she idealised is cool, but also emotionally detached, and probably traumatized. Still, I think she simply won't leave him the option of running away again, and he's going to be the laid back and terribly enabling uncle for his nieces and nephews (of which there will be many, I am sure).

I also think that Akai and Shiho's bond should be further explored. I think Shiho benefits a lot from not being as alone as she thinks in the long run. Granted, she'll probably get along better with Masumi than Akai (a low bar to clear, I know), but she will eventually have to address the Akemi situation. And there really isn't anybody left who could mourn her, aside from the pair of them. So, as much as she doesn't like Akai, I think they should mourn Akemi together, and move on together. Also, as a bonus Crack idea I want them to go to some sort of mystery dinner together and have them crack the whole case before they're even finished with the entrees. Let them be smart together. Augh. Also Akai attending the defense of her PhD...

I think I should stop now, at this point I'm projecting XD

Thanks again for the ask ^^

[that-crippling-urge-to-run]

I imagine freedom as a sort of foreign concept sometimes and not something I can gain.

It is as simple as running away, disappearing through the cracks of society. It is not having a home beneath a wildfire of plagues.

If freedom was a drink, it would be tea. All natural and sour and bitter but unaltered and delicious.

I think freedom would taste like dandelion tea, bitter and hard to manage but delicious yet. I think it is sweeter than the current acorn.

It would be drinking dandelion tea, looking to the sky.

It would be wonderful, for everyday to be started with a sky not diluted with light pollution or smog. To see the sun in its fullest, purest form instead of seeing it with a layer of filth over it.

It would be lovely, to see the sky through the canopy.

It can be beautiful, to sleep in trees. Cold, lightless nights gentled by the sound of the night, and broken by an early dawn. It would be beautiful, to be full of twigs and leaves instead of concrete and rebar.

When I look at the forests, I do not see a beautiful landscape, I see home.

I am rational, I will not run but I know in my narrow that the moment I have no obligations to society anymore I will leave, and I will return for only three things.

One day I will be in a tree and that is enough for now.

[cachexiacomplication]

Eveeytime I come across a YouTube video I've previously left a comment on I have to go find my comment and delete it because I'm scared someone will use it as a starting point for reading my mind

[solace-seekers]

screaming into the void <3

[leori-the-unlearned]

the way digimon does conflict/drama between two characters who should be or are close: chef’s kiss <3

the way sonic idw handles creating conflict/drama between two characters who should be or are close: *wilting flower*

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else

[girltakovic]

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