#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else

[hankwritten]

Quodlibet

Demoman/Soldier, 2k

Request for ImSorry, College

“How do you even know this guy anyway?” Jeremy asked, leaning over Jane’s back in such a intrusive distillation of his character that this particular instant could have come from any singular moment throughout the semester, right down to the mortal threat to Jane’s class project.

“Watch it, Buster! You are dangerously close to causing the greatest second dolphin extinction event since the invention of the six-pack!”

Trying to dislodge his suitemate, Jane threw his shoulder, pushing Jeremy and his grasping arms backwards and away from the fragile, pseudo-aquatic diorama.

Jeremy slid down Jane’s spine. “Fine, jeez, I wasn’t going to squish your bath toys.” He went boneless just long enough to reach the floor, then promptly popped to his feet and began looking at the aquarium from the other side. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“I don't know what you mean by ‘this guy’,” Jane grumbled. “This is clearly a diorama. Not a guy.”

“The guy, man,” Scout nagged, and Jane could already feel the migraine coming on. Jeremy was actually the human embodiment of head pains, to the point where sometimes Jane wondered if he had escaped from a lab that had been trying to bio-engineer the most aggravating person in existence. “This guy that’s making you go wackadoo and put like ten times more effort into a freaking GED project than anyone ever should.”

“This has nothing to do with him.” Jane put an aggressive amount of glue on his last dolphin.

“Right, sure,” Jeremy snickered. “But as soon as I said ‘guy you have a weird rivalry with’ you immediately jumped to him.” When Jane grit his teeth, Jeremy laughed again. “So what is it with you two? You didn’t get the urge to start tearing each other’s intellectual dicks off just because of some Economics of Marine Biology class, right?”

“Applied Oceanography,” Jane corrected, pointedly not looking up.

“C’mon pally, you know what I meant-”

“Hrrn nn brrdaa”

The voice of their third and final suitemate spoke up from a nearby beanbag chair, where its owner was trying to ignite a textbook with a lighter.

Jeremy looked to them, then to Jane. “Really? He plays for the Brawlers too?”

“Yes,” Jane snarled. “Mystery solved. The new power guard is in my oceanography class, and now you will shut your trap, shortstop, so that I can proceed to kick his ass in diorama making and prove that I am the superior guard.”

“That ain’t exactly a perfect chain of events, but you do you pally.” Jeremy pulled to the far end of the couch, drawing his legs into a fold. “Ain’t like, you supposed to develop deep-seated rivalries with players from other schools? Not your own?”

“If you met him, you would understand.” Jane placed some cherry bombs at the bottom of the glass tank. “Plus, he-...” Swallowing his fury, he said, “he got me moved to small guard.”

“To- what?”

“Hurmm umma,” their third put in helpfully.

Jeremy absorbed this for a moment, then burst out laughing. “Oh, oh man. There’s literally a position called small guard? That’s- that’s fucking hilarious you gotta admit.”

“I have to admit no such thing!” Jane rounded on him, diverting his attention from his precious project for the first time in over three hours. “I used to be power guard! Then some one-eyed, Scottish, lay-about, freshman comes in and thinks he can take my spot? This is betrayal of the highest order! A perversion of our constitution!”

“Mrra hudda.”

“I do not care if small guard is ‘technically a step up’,” Jane huffed. “Power guard is further to the front. That makes it better.”

“Basketball’s for chumps anyway,” Jeremy said, apparently having derived all the entertainment he’d wanted from the conversation, laying until he could reach his arms behind his head and dropping his legs in Jane’s lap. “You should try out for a real sport. But hey! Hope your little fish tank fills your inadequacy or whatever.”

“Oh it will.” Jane lowered his face to the glass, breath fogging and obscuring the magnum opus within. “It will.”

#

“And here you will see what happens when America finally colonizes the ocean!” Jane said to the drooling, glassy eyes of an 8am class.

They were significantly less slumberous when he threw a final cherry bomb into his demonstration, causing a chain reaction as dozens of ‘fireworks’ went off under the ocean, celebrating America’s eventual conquest. To really send the message home, he pulled the ripcord in the back, dropping a miniature stars and stripes behind the tank.

“Oorah!” he concluded.

“...Thank you Mister Doe,” the professor said. “Your time allotted for presenting is up.”

He turned and gave her a big thumbs up.

While some staff at Teufort U insisted you call them by their first names, this professor was not one of them, and it was rumored that the TA who had once dared to call her ‘Helen’ in front of her students was never seen again. However, no one could be that much of a hardass all the time; Jane was confident his project had just blown her out of the water (pun intended.)

She eyed his thumbs up with her perpetually sour face. “...That means return to your seat, Mister Doe.”

Jane picked up his aquarium and strolled jauntily back to his desk.

His good mood dissipated as soon as Tavish was announced as the next presenter. The usurper pulled his aquarium in on a cart, a sheet draped over to allow for a dramatic reveal. Dammit. Jane should have thought about dramatic reveals.

Tavish grinned at his audience, whisking away the blanket with a flourish.

“Behold!” he declared. “You’ve heard of desalination to deal with the oncoming global water shortages, but my proposal is this: a complete and total refinement. Salt water? Pah! Whiskey oceans are where it’s at.”

The tanked sloshed, full of something clearly scrumpy or scrumpy adjacent. Within the alcohol floated an awfully realistic looking octopus, expertly crafted and swishing with the tank’s movements. An eyepatch covered its left side.

“With the addition of boozed-based life forms of course, for an entirely new ecosystem.”

Jane curled his lip. Damn. He was good.

“...Mister DeGroot,” the professor said, “might I remind you that this is an alcohol free campus, regardless of any student’s legal status to drink? And, even without that, you are not currently twenty-one years of age?”

“Drinking age is sixteen in Scotland, Ma’am.”

“Sit, DeGroot.”

Tavish sat. He shot Jane a smug grin. Jane scowled.

“That concludes our presentations for today.” If the professor’s voice got any more disappointed, she could have been a ringer for a Badlands Brawlers fan. “As you know, the diorama that scores the highest marks will receive extra credit toward our upcoming final exam. I use the remainder of the class time to grade, and announce the winner shortly. Please return on the bell if you wish to receive those extra credits.”

The ‘bell’, unlike those rinky dinky little red bowl things they had in high school, was actually a proper bell tower, situated over the science building and able to be heard anywhere on campus. This was where Jane retreated to wait out his nerves, pacing around the semi-enclosed area and mulling over his chances. Fine, Tavish’s had been good. He was used to Tavish being good, the bastard, but Jane’s was better, and this time he was going to mop the floor with him.

“I am going to mop the floor with you!” he declared to the heavens.

“Not with that sad display you won’t.”

Jane jumped. A quiet moment of solitude foiled, besieged by his mortal enemy who’d somehow snuck up on him in order to lean cockily against the door to the stairs.

“My display was anything but sad.” Jane shook his fist. “It was joyous! Victorious! Other words that mean not sad!” When Tavish continued to smirk at him, he added, “plus, your idea is bad anyway.”

“Aye?” Tavish challenged. “How so?”

Dammit. Jane hadn’t thought this far. Replacing the oceans with whiskey really did seem foolproof...except…

“If there is no more water, then you can’t make other type of booze either!” he declared triumphantly.

Tavish jaw clenched. Ha! Good. Let him get angry for once.

He walked over and got right in Jane’s face. “Well what about you? How are you going to light off the fireworks underwater?”

“Oil, salt, and various temperature and pressure difference!” Jane didn’t like the other man in his space, and gave him a shove. They were always doing that to each other during practice, blocking and shoulder-checking harder than necessary, doing things that would certainly be penalties in an actual game.

“Who cares?” Tavish shoved him back. “No one’s going to see them anyway.”

Jane grabbed him by the front of the shirt and shouted, “the dolphins will! You would know that if YOU HAD BEEN PAYING ATTENTION.”

One, dangling, aggravating second stretched on, catching friction as they pressed noses and breathed heavy with the effort. Then they reacted simultaneously, lunging forward and attacking each other in mouth to mouth combat.

Jane growled furiously, trying to gain the upper hand, but Tavish was just as motivated not to let him get it. The pair of them sucked at each other’s faces, mastication muscles competing for this year’s WWE championship belt, crashing against the nearest half-wall surrounding the roof. A more wary observer might have worried about them careening over the edge, but Tavish and Jane had more pressing things on their minds. (And ‘more pressing’ was exactly how they were going to resolve it.) Just a whole mismatched ball of absolute frustration as they worked out several months of pent-up attraction.

Their combined rage might have carried them to hell and back, had the bell not struck 9am at that exact moment.

They both screamed, trying desperately to cover their ears as they hundred and fifty year old bell GONGED above them, rattling teeth inside skulls and causing tears to spring to their eyes.

“God! Why don’t they have a warning sign up? Bloody hell!” Tavish moaned, having found his way to the floor and using his beanie to futilely cover his head.

“What???” Jane, who already didn’t have a good ear at the best of times, worried briefly that he’d finally gone deaf.

“What?” Tavish asked. “I can’t hear a thing you’re saying.”

“What?”

This went on for several minutes, the two men lying on the floor of the bell tower.

When they finally staggered down to class, it was in a terribly haggard state, and new bruises around their mouths.

“Hello professor,” Tavish, the least winded of them, declared. “It’s alright, you can tell us which one was the winner now. We’ve worked out our differences, and determined to let the best man win.”

“The best man will be me, but yeah what he said!” Jane put in.

“If you’re going for flashy, maybe, but on sheer sustainability-”

“No one’s going to eat alcohol-based sushi, cyclops-”

“Enough,” the professor cut in. “Neither of you won the extra credit points.”

“What?” Tavish gaped. “But ours were the best out of anyone’s! How could we possibly lose?”

“The assignment,” she said in a clipped voice that spoke of years of dealing with the exact idiots that Teufort tended to attract, “was to create a physical display of algae chemical reactions at different levels of light and pressure as found in the oceanic zones. Not only did you not win, you have failed this project. Now, since I have a lecture in Hale Hall in fifteen minutes, I suggest you both move out of my way, otherwise you will not have the chance to recuperate those points on the final exam. Goodbye gentleman.”

She stripped the last of the grading notes off her desk, shoved them into a manila folder, and disappeared out the door.

Tavish and Jane watched her go. The minutes ticked by on the wall mounted analog clock, which probably could have told them the time just as well as the giant bell that had nearly deafened them.

“Hey,” Tavish said, elbowing Jane in the side. “I got to take Basic Intergluteal Numismatics next semester.”

“...Yeah? And?”

“Bet I can solve systematic inflation before you can.”

“Oh, you’re on son.”

[imagine-loki]

Stubborn Independence

TITLE: Stubborn Independence 

  CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 7/10

AUTHOR: brightsun-and-darkmidnight

  ORIGINAL IMAGINE: 

Imagine Loki struggling to adjust to someone who is independent and insists on paying for themselves all the time, even if it is a struggle sometimes. They need to do everything on their own. They never ask for help and refuse help. Just imagine Loki really wanting to spoil this person. Imagine how creative he would get to make life easier on this person who has captivated him.

+

Imagine being a talented singer at your local club. Loki comes in one night with Thor and the others (he’d rather be anywhere else but who turns down free drinks?) and gets ensnared in the voice of the beautiful singer on stage. Suddenly, his interest (and arousal) are more than piqued.

+

Imagine getting into a petty fight with Loki, so in retaliation, he puts everything on the top shelf where you can’t reach? 

  AUTHOR’S NOTES: College AU. Loki is determined to take over Odin’s company. He works hard and has a strict schedule for success. However, with the interference of Thor and the other four, Loki’s plans are often interrupted so they can play matchmaker.

  My Ao3: brightsun_and_darkmidnight

 ~ ~ ENJOY  ~ ~

“Niagara Falls here we come!” Sirena cheered once everyone was ready to get in the cars.

  It was a long drive but being in Sirena’s vehicle was all the entertainment he needed.

  With music playing on the radio for a little, then phones hooked up to play personal songs. Then to stay awake Sirena put on funny podcasts. There wasn’t a dull moment the the entire time. Once at the hotel they rested for a little then went to a restaurant to eat.

  Loki whispered to Sirena with a hand on her thigh to catch her attention. “Darling let me pay.”

  Sirena pouted but her eyes showed the thoughts going through her mind. “Can I buy you something as a souvenir?”

  Loki knew she had issues with being spoiled but they were making progress. With a little squeeze to her thigh, “Of course.”

  Tony had a pamphlet with the map of the falls and the trails.

  They all went to look at the shops for a while then when it got dark they went back to the hotel and relaxed, tired from the traveling and everyone wanted to get an early start tomorrow.

  Loki got a shower first then Sirena got hers. Loki was drying his hair with a towel when she came out. 

  Loki swallowed because she was in a tank top and short shorts. She was beautiful, especially her wonderful soft curves and thick thighs. Loki cursed himself as he had to think about something other than Sirena.

  She was blow drying her hair in all different parts to her hair.

  Loki had to know, “What are you doing?”

  “This is what I do to get my hair…” she flipped her hair dramatically, “flippy.”

  “So that is your secret to hair always looking nice.”

  “Yep. Come here I can do yours.”

  Loki went to her and sat in the desk chair of the room. Her fingers were gentle in his hair and he found himself relaxing until Sirena stopped for a second to turn off the dryer. Her fingers returned to Loki’s hair and massaged his scalp then shoulders. Loki was in bliss, he couldn’t recall the last time he had a massage.

  She commented quietly. “You carry a lot of stress…”

  Loki breathed relaxed, “Yeah.” He hummed once she found a good spot. “My father is planning on giving either Thor or I the company… Thor has been slacking and his grades are not the best.”

  Loki heard Sirena’s heavy sigh. “So that’s why you have been working so much at your job and programing more.”

  “Yes.” Loki’s pleased sounds made her laugh. “That feels really good.”

  Loki felt more pressure on a particular space on his shoulder blades that made him moan out. He heard her amusement as she spoke.

  “With the near sinful sounds coming out of you I wouldn’t be surprised of everyone’s idea of what we are doing.”

  “I haven’t had a massage in forever.”

  “My hands are getting tired. Do you want me to go over anything again?”

  Loki was grateful for the massage and put his hands on hers. He moved her to the front and hugged her with her in between his legs. Her hands went to his head and she smiled down at him.

  “I love you.”

  Sirena giggled. “I love you too.”

  Loki stood and gave her a kiss to which Sirena deepened. They were both out of breath by the time they separated.

  Loki seen the time and Sirena did too.

  Sirena asked, “I guess we should go to sleep?”

  Loki grumbled out of annoyance of his body’s reaction to the kiss. “If we want to get an early start.”

  Loki felt Sirena looking at him so he smiled and gave her head a kiss. Loki seen the forced smile she gave and watched her go to her bag. Loki went to his side of the bed as Sirena laid a blanket on her side.

  She spoke as she set up her area, “I am going to hog the blankets, kick you off the bed and punch you when you try to get it back. THAT is why I have this blanket.”

  Loki chuckled, “Even in your sleep you are a fireball.”

  “Yep. Unfortunate for you though.” Sirena laughed as she got in the bed.

  Sirena laid on her side to face him. “Goodnight Loki.”

  “Goodnight Sirena.”

  The night was hell for Loki. 

  Sirena was peacefully asleep while Loki fought for his blanket. Eventually he abandoned the bed to set the thermostat up higher so there would be no need for blankets… but then Sirena wouldn’t stop moving, thus keeping him up. He decided to hold onto her to try and keep her still and thankfully it worked.

  When Loki woke due to alarms. His body ached and Sirena was still sound asleep. With a groan Loki went to his phone to snooze the alarm. He cuddled with Sirena again and once the hotel alarm clock went off Sirena groaned. Loki moved away so she could stretch to turn the alarm off.

  Sirena had a silly smile, “Did you hold me all night?”

  Loki yawned before answering. “No. But I will start tonight off that way. It was like I was sleeping with a tornado.”

  Sirena groaned, “Oh my god its so hot.”

  Loki went to adjust the thermostat. “I put the heat on so I didn’t need to wrestle you for the blanket.”

  “Was I that bad?”

  Loki held back the growl. “I don’t mean to sound rude but yes. The only way to keep you still was to hold you.”

  She looked sheepish, “sorry.” She got up and went to her bag, getting clothes and walked to the bathroom. “Do you want to lay down and I can go get breakfast for you?”

  “I will be ok. I will drink some caffeine." 

  Loki went to get his clothes ready as Sirena was in the bathroom. His body hurt in odd places and every time he would move his neck it would crack and his back felt like it needed an adjustment. Last night was not easy and he hopped tonight would be better. 

  Loki needed to apologize to her for his short responses. He knew he would be fine after breakfast but he still felt terrible.

  She came out of the bathroom looking beautiful as always but she was noticeably upset.

  "Sirena I am sorry for my abrupt responses. I will be fine after breakfast.”

  “Its ok. I know I am not the best at sharing a bed with.” She gave him a big smile, “thanks for the apology. That means so much.”

  Loki kissed her forehead before going to the bathroom.

  The day had a ton of walking which did nothing to help with the aches of his body but he made it through with the excitement of Sirena and her picture taking. The falls were an impressive sight and breathtaking beautiful. Also deafening loud when they were going through the caves but Sirena was obviously enjoying herself. Anytime there was a picture opportunity, there was a picture taken. Loki was looking forward to get back home to see the pictures on his computer.

  There were a few shops they went into and Sirena bought him a huge mug that came with a spoon for his tea.

  Loki held the mug and cheerfully said, “Thank you.”

  Tony called for everyone’s attention, “Where does everyone wanna eat tonight?”

  Sirena shrugged at Loki as everyone threw ideas around. Loki got to pay for dinner again and that was what mattered most.

  After getting back to the hotel and got ready for bed, Loki held Sirena and sleep went much better than last night. 

  The vacation was great and seemed to give Sirena the boost she needed to get back to working constantly. Loki admitted he loved spending all that time together and was looking forward to the next vacation. The pictures came out great and they were added to her collection of vacation photos.

  Once the new semester started Loki valued each moment he could get with Sirena.

[brightsun-and-darkmidnight]

Stubborn Independence

TITLE: Stubborn Independence 

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 7/10

AUTHOR: brightsun-and-darkmidnight

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: 

Imagine Loki struggling to adjust to someone who is independent and insists on paying for themselves all the time, even if it is a struggle sometimes. They need to do everything on their own. They never ask for help and refuse help. Just imagine Loki really wanting to spoil this person. Imagine how creative he would get to make life easier on this person who has captivated him.

+

Imagine being a talented singer at your local club. Loki comes in one night with Thor and the others (he’d rather be anywhere else but who turns down free drinks?) and gets ensnared in the voice of the beautiful singer on stage. Suddenly, his interest (and arousal) are more than piqued.

+

Imagine getting into a petty fight with Loki, so in retaliation, he puts everything on the top shelf where you can’t reach? 

AUTHOR'S NOTES: College AU. Loki is determined to take over Odin's company. He works hard and has a strict schedule for success. However, with the interference of Thor and the other four, Loki's plans are often interrupted so they can play matchmaker.

Tags: @cateyes315 (I hope this helps your day!!!)

My Ao3: brightsun_and_darkmidnight

 ~ ~ ENJOY  ~ ~

"Niagara Falls here we come!" Sirena cheered once everyone was ready to get in the cars.

It was a long drive but being in Sirena's vehicle was all the entertainment he needed.

With music playing on the radio for a little, then phones hooked up to play personal songs. Then to stay awake Sirena put on funny podcasts. There wasn't a dull moment the the entire time. Once at the hotel they rested for a little then went to a restaurant to eat.

Loki whispered to Sirena with a hand on her thigh to catch her attention. "Darling let me pay."

Sirena pouted but her eyes showed the thoughts going through her mind. "Can I buy you something as a souvenir?"

Loki knew she had issues with being spoiled but they were making progress. With a little squeeze to her thigh, "Of course."

Tony had a pamphlet with the map of the falls and the trails.

They all went to look at the shops for a while then when it got dark they went back to the hotel and relaxed, tired from the traveling and everyone wanted to get an early start tomorrow.

Loki got a shower first then Sirena got hers. Loki was drying his hair with a towel when she came out. 

Loki swallowed because she was in a tank top and short shorts. She was beautiful, especially her wonderful soft curves and thick thighs. Loki cursed himself as he had to think about something other than Sirena.

She was blow drying her hair in all different parts to her hair.

Loki had to know, "What are you doing?"

"This is what I do to get my hair…" she flipped her hair dramatically, "flippy."

"So that is your secret to hair always looking nice."

"Yep. Come here I can do yours."

Loki went to her and sat in the desk chair of the room. Her fingers were gentle in his hair and he found himself relaxing until Sirena stopped for a second to turn off the dryer. Her fingers returned to Loki's hair and massaged his scalp then shoulders. Loki was in bliss, he couldn't recall the last time he had a massage.

She commented quietly. "You carry a lot of stress…"

Loki breathed relaxed, "Yeah." He hummed once she found a good spot. "My father is planning on giving either Thor or I the company… Thor has been slacking and his grades are not the best."

Loki heard Sirena's heavy sigh. "So that's why you have been working so much at your job and programing more."

"Yes." Loki's pleased sounds made her laugh. "That feels really good."

Loki felt more pressure on a particular space on his shoulder blades that made him moan out. He heard her amusement as she spoke.

"With the near sinful sounds coming out of you I wouldn't be surprised of everyone's idea of what we are doing."

"I haven't had a massage in forever."

"My hands are getting tired. Do you want me to go over anything again?"

Loki was grateful for the massage and put his hands on hers. He moved her to the front and hugged her with her in between his legs. Her hands went to his head and she smiled down at him.

"I love you."

Sirena giggled. "I love you too."

Loki stood and gave her a kiss to which Sirena deepened. They were both out of breath by the time they separated.

Loki seen the time and Sirena did too.

Sirena asked, "I guess we should go to sleep?"

Loki grumbled out of annoyance of his body's reaction to the kiss. "If we want to get an early start."

Loki felt Sirena looking at him so he smiled and gave her head a kiss. Loki seen the forced smile she gave and watched her go to her bag. Loki went to his side of the bed as Sirena laid a blanket on her side.

She spoke as she set up her area, "I am going to hog the blankets, kick you off the bed and punch you when you try to get it back. THAT is why I have this blanket."

Loki chuckled, "Even in your sleep you are a fireball."

"Yep. Unfortunate for you though." Sirena laughed as she got in the bed.

Sirena laid on her side to face him. "Goodnight Loki."

"Goodnight Sirena."

The night was hell for Loki. 

Sirena was peacefully asleep while Loki fought for his blanket. Eventually he abandoned the bed to set the thermostat up higher so there would be no need for blankets… but then Sirena wouldn't stop moving, thus keeping him up. He decided to hold onto her to try and keep her still and thankfully it worked.

When Loki woke due to alarms. His body ached and Sirena was still sound asleep. With a groan Loki went to his phone to snooze the alarm. He cuddled with Sirena again and once the hotel alarm clock went off Sirena groaned. Loki moved away so she could stretch to turn the alarm off.

Sirena had a silly smile, "Did you hold me all night?"

Loki yawned before answering. "No. But I will start tonight off that way. It was like I was sleeping with a tornado."

Sirena groaned, "Oh my god its so hot."

Loki went to adjust the thermostat. "I put the heat on so I didn't need to wrestle you for the blanket."

"Was I that bad?"

Loki held back the growl. "I don't mean to sound rude but yes. The only way to keep you still was to hold you."

She looked sheepish, "sorry." She got up and went to her bag, getting clothes and walked to the bathroom. "Do you want to lay down and I can go get breakfast for you?"

"I will be ok. I will drink some caffeine." 

Loki went to get his clothes ready as Sirena was in the bathroom. His body hurt in odd places and every time he would move his neck it would crack and his back felt like it needed an adjustment. Last night was not easy and he hopped tonight would be better. 

Loki needed to apologize to her for his short responses. He knew he would be fine after breakfast but he still felt terrible.

She came out of the bathroom looking beautiful as always but she was noticeably upset.

"Sirena I am sorry for my abrupt responses. I will be fine after breakfast."

"Its ok. I know I am not the best at sharing a bed with." She gave him a big smile, "thanks for the apology. That means so much."

Loki kissed her forehead before going to the bathroom.

The day had a ton of walking which did nothing to help with the aches of his body but he made it through with the excitement of Sirena and her picture taking. The falls were an impressive sight and breathtaking beautiful. Also deafening loud when they were going through the caves but Sirena was obviously enjoying herself. Anytime there was a picture opportunity, there was a picture taken. Loki was looking forward to get back home to see the pictures on his computer.

There were a few shops they went into and Sirena bought him a huge mug that came with a spoon for his tea.

Loki held the mug and cheerfully said, "Thank you."

Tony called for everyone's attention, "Where does everyone wanna eat tonight?"

Sirena shrugged at Loki as everyone threw ideas around. Loki got to pay for dinner again and that was what mattered most.

After getting back to the hotel and got ready for bed, Loki held Sirena and sleep went much better than last night. 

The vacation was great and seemed to give Sirena the boost she needed to get back to working constantly. Loki admitted he loved spending all that time together and was looking forward to the next vacation. The pictures came out great and they were added to her collection of vacation photos.

Once the new semester started Loki valued each moment he could get with Sirena.

[poppyknitt]

Thank you.

All of you have done so much good, I can’t even put it into words.

However, since I do have a bit of a story to tell, to sort of explain part of why I say this, and also to show how far I’ve come since I made this account, back in august, 2016, I will give you that.

In the last two weeks of March, 2017, I was given medications for my depression. To help them work, my anxiety medications’ dosage was halved.

The medications I was already on had a possible side effect of causing twitching, with symptoms similar to, but not unlike that of tic disorders like tourette syndrome and chronic tic disorder, so I might as well have just walked in and said “hey! why not fuck up my head a bit?” or something, because that’s basically the consequence of those six weeks of hell.

By the end, I couldn’t get through the day without at least one panic attack over my grades, band class, or a sudden inability to think anything but the repeating thought of “I can’t think, I can’t think, I can’t even fucking think!” (which is apparently a symptom of anxiety, so I literally was panicking over my own fucking anxiety-). So, that, and the fact that my adhd medicines (the other meds with that side effect I mentioned) weren’t working anymore, I was taken off of them before we could even see if they were helping me. That incident vastly increased the speed at which my anxiety has been getting worse, and on top of that, after only three or four weeks on them, I’d developed a tic that I would go on to blame on my adhd from then until I finally researched what tics actually were- A sort of thing triggered by immense levels of fidgeting that made me hand sort of... spazz out. I wasn’t, and still can’t control it. Thankfully, though, that tic doesn’t come up as much as the others I’ve developed over these past (almost) two years.

After that, in late august that year, a close friend i’d only met a few weeks before, in june or july, found my discord account, and started harassing me and another friend, because we were somewhat crushing on each other, and he also liked me. This is another thing I loosely refer to as “The Incident”, though, a lot of times, i just call it the Stalker Incident, because that’s what it felt like at the time.

My anxiety and depression tanked.

But that was also because that school year, although I tried to pull myself together to get it right, was the worst one of my life so far. My band teacher, whom I would later, in the late weeks of spring of this year, discover could be classified as an emotional/verbal abuser of not only me, but everyone in his classes, was finally in his second year of working at my school, and he was even worse than the year before. That was really bad to me, because I had his class two times a day, and, even, before the end of the first two semesters, in November and December, three times a day.

Basically, what he did to teach was he would constantly look for even the slightest of mistakes, and with the students who were unlucky enough to not be his favorites, a lot of times even just ignore whatever minor improvements you made. I was the worst affected, probably because I was already technically being physically and mentally abused at home (though, I didn’t know, and I still sorta deny that it was abuse at all, because sadly, even though it’s a fucked up fact, that’s just how you react to being abused by a family member...), although not as often, and also because of the two previous incidents that increased my anxiety a shit ton and tanked my depression a fuckload. It didn’t help that my parents constantly turned blind eyes to the case I had at home, and they didn’t have enough education on the symptoms of non-physical abuse on the mind to be able to recognize that something just wasn’t right. But, of course, because of a lot of the shit that happened previously during my hellish middle school life, I’d learned not to trust the word of the adults in my life, nor to trust them to take action whenever I expressed that something needed a drastic change, because it just wasn’t right. So, of course, I wasn’t just about to tell them my teacher was abusing me.

Anyways, so, yet again, I found that by the end of March, last year, I was right back in the same place as I had been during the six weeks- Not going a day without at least one or two minor panic attacks. At that point, I basically thought it was normal to have a tiny bit of panic every day, so I didn’t really stop to think “Oh, fuck, this is really bad, I should get help for this”, until like, late April or early May, when I broke down in literal tears because I couldn’t get even one little, 4-beat rhythm exactly right every single time I played it, and I was afraid I’d be yelled at again over it. Keep in mind, I was the best percussionist, out of 4, so he was probably way harder on me than the others for that reason. It was at that point that my friends started offering for me to help them take him to court a second time in two years over his treatment of the students. The first time he went to court was because he allegedly strangled an 8th grader back in the 2016-2017 school year. Charges were dropped on the first case for some reason (I blame misogyny and white supremacy, especially because this was in a small community of narcissistic, racist southern white people who were mostly conservatives, even if they didn’t think they were. if you can’t tell, i hate my hometown.), but I haven’t heard anything on the more recent one, since I transferred to a school in the neighboring city to escape my bullies and the hellish band teacher, both of which usually harassed me in the band room, but some of whom also extended to the other classes.

I had to quit percussion because I can’t go into the setup of a band room anymore without having a minor panic attack. Percussion was literally the only thing I consistently looked forwards to in middle school, because I could never rely on my friends to be there every day of every week in those three years, and I also barely actually had a chance to see any of them and enjoy their company. So, uh, yeah, I was pretty upset that I couldn’t bear the thought of playing in a band room anymore.

Once I was out of school that summer, everything changed for the better, because I had gotten accepted into the highschool I applied to. No more unknowingly abusive band teachers. Hell, not even any unintentionally abusive brothers, either, because he was going off to college. I don’t think I should have to explain how my brother was abusive, seeing as he literally didn’t seem to care about me at all until he got bored, and would proceed to hurt or terrorize me for fun, and laugh when I looked like I was going to have a heart attack, for fear of getting seriously injured. Sure, he didn’t give that many visible injuries, but that doesn’t mean shit in abuse cases. Abuse is abuse, no matter how many physical injuries are involved. There’s a reason there’s shit categorized as “emotional” and “verbal” abuse, dumbass. (sorry to those who knew that, I’m just trying to give the ignorant fucktards a little subtle warning before they send me an aggressive “oh, but it’s not really abuse if-“ bullshit ask or something. though, considering that they clearly wouldn’t know abuse when they see it, and think that just because there’s no visual physical wounds, it isn’t abuse, I doubt they’d even get that I was telling them to fuck off.)

So, basically, last summer was like, a godsend. The school year had left me truly hating myself for literally the first time ever in my life, and so, since my appearance was one thing I hated, I chose to dye my hair black, and get a new hairstyle, one I’d never had before (t was unintentionally not what I had imagined, but at the same time, I still liked it better than my usual). That saw my depression leaving me alone to the point that for the first time in literal years, I finally wouldn’t be able to say “I can’t remember what happiness feels like” without it being a lie anymore. I finally made progress to getting better, because I was nearly free of the things that plagued me in every year of my life up until then.

For the first time in my life, it seemed, I was finally being shown that I was capable of happiness, which, of course I had started to doubt before then.

School started.

I met @chaoticcrimsonrose , and, I also finally managed to fall in love without loosing the feelings a week or so later, all in the same day (I still am in love with that wonderful girl, though, we aren’t exactly a thing yet). I’m not gonna go into that, though, because that’s not the point.

The point of this next section is that Crimson reintroduced me to the Jacksepticeye and Markiplier fandoms. I had sort of been in them since 2013 or 2014, but I had only ever watched Mark’s five nights at freddy’s videos, and Jack’s undertale, as well as a few other videos from their channels on occasion (Plus, I didn’t actually realize there were fandoms for the boys until then). Since then, I’ve met so many wonderful, amazing people full of positivity and love for one another, and really, I honestly had the most fun in the last four or five months of 2018 that I think I’ve ever had. Hell, even now, and back in early October, when my depression spiked back up, and came back to shoot me straight through the head, I’m still enjoying myself every time I go on tumblr or discord, because of the wonderful people in their communities.

Between finding my passion in life, and finally being shown that I actually have talents, and the ones I was ashamed of, such as my art, were so much better than I ever even thought they were, everything started finally going right for me in the end of 2018. And, even if PMA doesn’t help me very much when I’m down, I still love the idea behind it, and I’ll continue to try to spread it, even when I’m down.

I love the communities Mark and Jack have started, and I love the people they’ve become. They’re basically what I’ve been aspiring to be for literal years- that kind, caring person, who doesn’t care for money, and would much rather you help out those in need, than give them free money. On top of that, they’re also amazing storytellers, and have such wild, cryptic imaginations. (I’ve actually been told by Crimson many times that I remind her of their creating/writing styles, and especially of the cryptic bullshit they do, which I find hilarious, because of how long I went without knowing about those facets of their personalities. Quite the coincidence, don’t you think?)

Anyways, to sum it up, I guess i’m just saying I’m so glad I found this place when I did; there literally couldn’t have been a better time for me to start meeting more people on the internet who truly care, that i’m not worried about telling all this to, because I know no one here will judge me for things that are out of my control. (And, well, considering how unpredictable the environment I’ve grown up in could get at any moment, I think it’s fair to say that I’ve sorta learned I don’t really have that much control over my life anymore (Thus the cryptic “i have no control” post i made yesterday or something, when i sorta started realizing just how little i actually do have, just to see if i freaked anyone out)-)

Thank you all,

for being so kind and welcoming and accepting.

Thank you all,

for being supportive and helpful to those who need input or hugs.

Thank you, all, so much,

for just being so wonderful. I don’t know where I would be without these communities.

(though, knowing how low I’ve sunken since thanksgiving, I might not’ve made it to 2019... so... yeah, really, huge thanks to all of you-)

———

Extra special appreciation:

@chaoticcrimsonrose - Thank you, so much, for being the person to show me these communities, and help me get more invested in things. You’re basically the kind of sibling I’ve always wished to have, and I couldn’t thank you more for being who you are so much. Also, another thing: The SDS really was your greatest idea. We’ve all only been on it for a few days, but... Holy shit, man, we’re all basically a family on there, and I love that. I don’t know what it would be like for me if we didn’t have the server, but honestly, I don’t want to know, either.

@rorald-spooks - Thank you, for being such a goofy doofus and always being there to cheer me up with your stupid cryptic dumbassery, no matter what I’m saying or feeling.

@startschantingpma - connie you’re a hecking idiot but ily because you’re awesome at what you do and deserve all the hugs-

@tiny-septic-puppet - Good god, man, we’ve come so far. I still vividly remember the day Crimson told me she’d been sending you my fics, and you’d been really enjoying them. That was so amazing to hear. But, like, to think we’ve now gotten to the point that you’re basically like a father to me is... really weird, but also fucking awesome. Ily, dad, don’t stop being epic.

@doodle-min : Mom, holy shit, you’re like, so amazing. I’m so glad we met, and I’m excited to go into 2019 with you and the rest of our wacky discord family. I really hope you keep up your awesome streak of the thing you mentioned, and I hope life keeps getting better and better for you; you deserve every bit of happiness.

@oliverissad - OLLIIIEEEEEE!!!! ILY!!! START TAKING BETTER CARE OF YOURSELF BECAUSE OTHERWISE IMMA HUNT YOU DOWN AND HUG YOU TILL YOU UN-SADIFY OKAY?! that goes for the rest of you doofuses too!!! >:v

@og-wilford-warfstache-discord - Fuck you! Don’t you “heh” me! Ily wilf okay don’t ever doubt that or imma take a page from moms book and imma slap you with cheese damn it-

@singular-dorito - UNC SCHNEP!! what? yeah idk i’m running out of unique things to say to appreciate people, whoops. but ye same goes for you as it does the rest of the fam-

and the rest of the SDS family, because i didn’t get any tumblr tags from the others- i lOVE AND APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU PLS DONT HURT YOURSELF OKAY YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY

@antis-loyal-puppet , as well as everyone on the jacksepticeye writing discord- Thank you all, for being so supportive of me, and being such a joy to have around. You’re all fuckin amazing, and I wouldn’t trade our friendships for the world.

And of course, I’d also like to thank Jack and Mark for being such amazing people, and being the whole reason I even know any of the dumb idiots I’ve tagged or mentioned in this post. You guys are killin the game!

<3

i love all of you idiots. stay as pos as you can. i know way too well how hard it can be to do that, so, just,,, keep on tryin, mates, you deserve every bit of happiness if you’re reading this, even if I’ve never even once spoken to you or interacted with your stuff.

[tigerssgoroarr]

Read if you want. If you don't care, then don't.

02-19-2018

If you ever wanted to know how I was doing, where I am in life, what goes on in my head, or my well-being, here it is. I'll lay down all I can think of that is bothering me. I know I have not been able to be open as much as possible and being a friend of mine and such, it can be frustrating because you don't really know if I'm fine or you don't feel close to me as a friend should be.

Why now?

I just don't think I can take it anymore. Having all these emotions and killer thoughts, a person can only stand them for so long before they breakdown and I'm nearly at my limit. I need something or someone to.. I don't know.. not sure what it is that I need. I'm very spoiled. I'm scared. I'm lost. I don't know what to do. I'm not sure what I want but I'm trying. Not as hard as I can possibly can but still trying with whatever willpower I have left.

A few of you know how my college years went, I sent a document about it but I'll briefly touch on it again. Basically, my work ethic completely fell off near the end of my senior year in high school and that translated into college. I didn't know what I wanted to major in and my interest and focus on learning in school dropped off. Two years of college went by, I registered for 3 semesters in those two years and the results were just beyond terrible. It absolutely crushed me and destroyed whatever gas that was left in the tank. Second year, I had one class.. one fucking class and I still couldn't get a decent grade. Insert academic probation and me not continuing with college.

Here I am, almost a year later, with no progression. I'm still doing nothing with life. The goal was to get a job, make a couple bucks and see if it would reignite my passion for anything other than video games but it's been a year. Seeing my friends progress ahead and not being able to keep up with them just isn't enough to push me to catch up. So no motivation, depression (most likely), and no reason to feel alive can make someone think really, really bad thoughts. They want to escape from the pain and horror of their thoughts.

Roughly a month ago, I essentially promised I'd get a job by the seventeenth of this month. How far did I get? Not very far. Maybe around ten applications. During this past month, I've been too afraid to face confrontation in the house with others so I'd stay locked up in my room attempting to avoid questions about my progress. I feel absolutely terrible, both physically and mentally. I've been having one meal a day, around midnight usually. My sleep schedule is absolutely fucked up. I'm sleeping during the mornings until late afternoon and I am awake through all of the night. I am very out of shape; I can barely do active things without feeling dizzy and my left knee recently started to hurt after walking thirty minutes. It feels like it would lock up. I'm just in such a mess. I really want to be in shape and have a schedule of a normal person but every time I get into it, it doesn't stick.

This weekend, everyone came back from college for the three day weekend and I thought this would be a good opportunity for me. I wanted to see all my friends again because my social interaction the last month or two was nearly zero and I don't know what would happen in the next few months. This could very well be the last time I see all of them you know, so I really wanted to hang out with them. But alas, of those three days, I only went out once to hangout with a few of them at a friend's house for a couple hours and that was it. Insert my head turning my thoughts until the last day to: no one thinks about you, nobody wants to see you, you're invisible. That's basically how everything else twists into. They make the thoughts negative, intolerable, and unbearable.

Was I ever happy in the last three years? Of course. Maybe not the last four/six months but I definitely had moments where I felt so alive; moments where I never felt happier. Honestly, this past summer I think was the most happiest I ever felt. It was so much fun, I felt so free. From time to time I would look back on the happy moments, in-between a period of months, to get away from the bad and it warms me up inside a bit. It's a nice feeling.

To everyone and all my friends, thank you for sticking by me in the dark and I appreciate you for everything you have done for me, it really means a lot. If you have any questions about me or anything else, feel free to ask x

"and i know it's so hard to stay afloat when you make monsters out of thoughts" falling in reverse - EDEN

[gardenwitchofthenorth]

I Have :) A Broken :) Foot:)

a complaint by me, 

so im a witch and an empath and i own reptiles and cats and i love my garden and 

and my life has gone completely fucking of the rails.

let me start from the beginning (read on if you want to hear how depression just gets worse and how I’m so close to ending my life )

so the beginning

I would like the beginning to be when I quit school, but its way before that. why would I like it not to be? well I thought my life was pretty good then, but apparently the decisions I made then led me to be an injured dropout with little to no hope of surviving 

anyway, the beginning. 

honestly? it was after my sophomore year of college. something during that summer changed. I would say I dont know what it was but im done lying to myself (no matter how much it pains me to admit how much I royally fucked myself) 

I had recently been diagnosed with MDD (major depressive disorder) and made the first step to treatment (that wasnt just crying on my school counselors chair every thursday)

I went on medication. had a whole freak out over it. didnt want to be dependant on anything blah blah 

so I thought, “yay medication means no scary phonecalls with my insurance people and therapy places” 

Fuck me. Fuck 19 year old me. I should have gotten therapy like I was TOLD to do by every fucking person in my life. but I didnt. 

So I took my meds and then I didnt take my meds and then I did. And then I went back to school.

Summer had been hellish. so I thought the fall would be better. I was president of Alliance (my schools lgbtq organization) and I was an lgbtq student peer leader AND I was the secretary of SGA

Cool right?

no. I was not ready. because my dumb ass thought that my meds would work, I got a dorm room TO MYSELF (what the fuck was I thinking) and didnt seek the FREE counseling. 

so needless to say, My grades tanked. First semester of my junior year? failed. 

I didnt even make it to finals because in december, my fiance (who was four hours away) calls and tells me his brother died. 

so I go home, miss finals, fail my semester. 

Now I have a grieving family and funeral things to work with. I wasnt gonna go back. 

so what do I do? sign up for classes “just in case” 

and my financial aid comes in 

I shit you not, it was $2000

and guess what my empathetic ass did? 

I fuckin went back to school so I could give $800 of that refund to my fiance's mother.

which I do not regret by the way. Of all the shit thats happened in the last year, I do not regret becoming closer to her. she is an amazing woman 

So as this is all going on, I am also having an identity crisis. Now I already identify as Demisexual and Bisexual. But I was battling with being Polyamorous as well. 

so in order to get a handle on all of this before i go back, My two friends, Britney and Samma want me to stay at their place for the semester so they can help me because they know I’m struggling. They are also poly. thatll come in later

so I go back to school, unprepared and unorganized, terrified and depressed. 

long story short on this part: Britney and I start dating. 

I love her I love Samma and I love their kids. 

my fiance, however, is, you guessed it, monogamous 

he says hes cool with it and stupid me believes him and everything is okay for like, 3 months. 

by this point its like, march? i’ve given up on school and am just going to let myself get suspended.

because my depression has gone from bad to worse and I want to die. 

I hurt myself 

I wind up in the hospital for 6 days until I feel safe enough to go home. 

and things continue to be shitty. Britney is also Demisexual, but apparently, by like the end of april(?) i bypass her demi. 

and shit gets real.

britney wants to have sex with me. My fiance is not comfortable with it and neither am I  

my partners start getting at each other and samma becomes so depressed she cant function. i go home for a bit, (four hours away) and britney cheats on me. 

so I go back after a week and things are okayish(?) 

but then we wind up having all sorts of fights, and it gets really personal and things get out of hand. Britney and I break up I pack my stuff that I can and spend a week at my best friends house. I get checked out of my dorm (which I still had for some reason, anxiety mostly) and my fiance agrees to come get me in a week. 

(oh by the way my Best friend was also moving apartments at this time. I had to help her surrender her cat to the shleter. )

so things are super shitty and awful. Britney is in a word, toxic. I dont want to go into it but she likes to be the center of attention, which I am used to giving her. until she flips out on my best friend and her boyfriend causing them both to go into (ptsd and autism related) meltdowns. 

a few days later I’m bed ridden because I got the worst period of my life. like physically sick from it. 

and then, the day before im supposed to leave, I fall down the stairs and fracture my toe. so that was a whole ordeal.

my fiance comes to get me, and we drive home and I’m allowed to be miserable for a while.

my friend across the street makes me her maid of honor and my garden is blooming. havent heard from britney in about a week. I have an interview coming up. everything is finally settled down 

until I fall carrying my honorary nephew, fracturing a bone in my foot that cracked when I fell down the stairs. so that was a whole week long thing ending with me being in a cast. 

(my nephew was fine even after I nearly hugged him to death in apology)

so now, I’m a depressed piece of shit who cant do regular tasks around the house.

my interview must not have gone well because they didnt call me back. 

Britney and I had a phone call that didnt end well 

I very seriously thought about casting myself down the stairs yesterday while struggling with my crutches. 

for the past year my life has just been one bad thing after another. I just dont want to be alive any more, 

my daily routine has been waking up at 2pm, watching bojack horseman and playing stardew valley until my fiance gets home from work. 

I feel useless. I cant get a job. I cant help him with anything, and the things I can do are minuscule in comparison to what he can accomplish. I just want to lay down and die. 

but I cant, and I wont. 

I made some horrible decisions in the last year. I did this to myself. I have no one to blame but me. so I guess this is sort of a confession. 

I’m a useless piece of shit. 

[hopelessndramatic]

took cocky to a whole new level: law school Harry AU

hi this is my first public fanfic so be kind! (originally written for my best friend hence the names)

Synopsis: Lydia is friends with Harry in law school and there’s always been this unsaid sexual tension until he can’t hold it in anymore.

Warnings: swearing, smut (if it can even be considered that!?)

Please feel free to let me know any questions/concerns/issues you have!

Thank you fo even taking the time to read this, I know it’s long, but it means a lot!

Word count: 3463

You slam open the door to dorm 201, startling your roommate. After seeing your familiar frustrated demeaner, she turns back to her laptop and continues typing. For emphasis, you drop your bag to the ground, stomp over to your bed, and throw yourself down on the cool, creamy pink comforter. Not turning towards you, she says, “For someone only running on-” she checks her imaginary watch, “no sleep and beaucoup de Redbulls, I’m comforted to see you still have enough energy to be dramatic.” You huff out a sarcastic laugh. To say you were running low on energy was an understatement. It was nearing finals week and Chicago was ironically blistering. You resorted to wearing softie shorts and a DePaul DIBS tank to class. “You know what don’t even start with me Kam, I’m the one taking chemistry. Fuck you, you education major.” You don’t even have to make sure your comeback is noticeably light-toned. Being best friends since the first grade has its perks. “Speaking of education majors,” she swivels around in her desk chair, “my friend Abby from psych is throwing a little pre-exams get-together tonight and we’re going.” Knowing her, it truly was going to be a get-together. How were you even friends? Although people made you nervous, you loved to party. Fuzzy drunk, sloppy dancing was your scene; it helped give you confidence. “I think I’ll pass,” you laugh while slowly and painfully propping yourself up on your elbows. “Knowing your friends, we’ll be playing fucking Scrabble or something. You know that shit makes me want to gouge my eyes out.” “Harry and all your law-ey friends will be there…” she teases.

Fucking Harry, that British bastard. You haven’t met a real asshat until this guy. Yes, he was in your friend group but that never made him your friend. “Well in that case!” you get up and tie an imaginary noose on the metal of her lofted bed. She laughs. “Lydia shut the fuck up, you two would be all over each other if you had even three minutes alone.” You pretend to think, sniffing lightly after a moment. “Do I smell a bet in the air?” Smirking, she stands and holds out her hand to you. “You bet your sorry ass you do.” You walk to her, shake hard and say, “Deal, loser.” She shakes her head, smiling as she returns to her homework, but you lose your own façade once she turns away. What would really happen? In the beginning of the semester you met Harry through mutual friends at a party since you’re both law majors. You can still remember that moment, clear as if it were the present. He turned to be introduced to you and an evil smirk grew slowly on his pretty lips. He was beautiful. Fair skin, honey brown hair styled in the most perfect way you had to refrain from running your fingers through it. Broad shoulders you wanted to trace ever-so-lightly with your fingertips. You could see a hint of chest hair poking from how low his shirt was buttoned. You tried to stop the blush from reaching your face. He was a dream. A man sent from heaven above. You almost asked God, What did I do to deserve this blessing? Then he opened his mouth. “Well isn’t it my lucky day, to meet a chick almost as sexy as me. That is a new record boys. Hey pretty thing, I’m Harry.” Your heart stopped. What the fuck? For a small moment you couldn’t tell if he was kidding or not. By the way he held himself—like he was a treat for every female eye in the room—you were confused. He was hot. You loved confidence and assholes seemed to be your type in the past. But this one was different. Surprisingly, your previous anxiety about talking to the male species vanished. You fake looking around you. “Who, me? You must be mistaken or maybe fucking blind because I’m hotter than the motherfucking sun. Dick.” With that, you turned sharply on your heels and stalked away. Hands shaking and heels clicking, you could barely hear what his friends laugh at when his mumbled words implant themselves in your brain, “Oh you won’t get away from me that easily, princess.” Returning to the present, you fume at the thought of being a man’s prize to be won, used, and tossed away like a child with his cheap carnival toy. Ever since that night he would flirt with and tease you, always making sure to never forget your pet name. You would retaliate back with as many profanities that you could think of, but the effort only made you more annoyed. It was exhausting trying to hide your feelings around him. But you couldn’t give in to this dickhead. You’d show him. He’ll be begging on the ground for you before the night even begins. You can almost feel the devil horns growing out from your head. “On the other hand, Kam, I think tonight will be fun.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One last look in the mirror. Kamryn has been ready for the last 20 minutes, sitting on the edge of your bed with her head resting on her arm perched atop her knee. “We might as well not even leave. If I knew you would take longer than usual, I would’ve lied about the time the party started.” She sighs and leans back on your bed. “Oh great, now I’m comfortable, look what you’ve done bitch!” You laugh when you see her shake her fist in the reflection. “And I’m the dramatic one, jeez I must be pretty bad then.” You look over yourself one last time. Blue floral tube top, favorite black jeans, white strapped heels. To top it off, you pull on your sexy black leather jacket. You’ve really outdone yourself this time Lydia. You made sure to pull out all the tricks: amazing cleavage, hint of midriff but not too much, tight pants to show off your amazing curves and accentuate your ass, sky-high heels to make sure you walked like a long-legged goddess. Fuck. “Would you want to fuck me?” You ask into the air as you continue to fix your hair, adding one last coat of your most expensive mascara for good measure. “Not after you made me sit for so long, I think I’ll never have sex again!” You love when your best friend makes you laugh, this time imitating The Scream with her hands on the sides of her open-mouthed horror-face. “Okay, you impatient baby, let’s blow this party up!” You grab your purse and keys and bounce out the door. You could conquer the world. “Please don’t scare my friends, I like them.” As you walk the short distance to Kamryn’s friends’ house, you start to get nervous. Damn, why did you leave your confidence back there! It’s fine, breathe idiot. God, how you wish you pre-gamed for this dreadful event. Walking up the steps, Kamryn’s BFF-intuition kicks in. “What’s wrong with you bitch, you appear to be nervous but look hot as fuck!” “Nothing!” you snap quickly. Save yourself. “I just don’t want to hurt your sensitive baby heart when I win this bet.” Your sarcasm tricks her for now when she giggles, and you knock a closed fist on the door, and it even fools you for half a second, but deep down you know you’re just as scared as you were back in junior high. Scared shitless. The door opens wide to a cool, inviting atmosphere. The amount of people doesn’t make anything better when you’re surprisingly welcomed by a crowd you weren’t expecting. There are tons of different people everywhere, adorned with the classic college statement: red Solo cups. Praise the Lord. As you walk through the packed hallway to the kitchen behind Kam, you make a mental note to yourself: never underestimate an education major. “Hmm, I don’t see any sign of Scrabble anywhere,” Kam says, squinting around once you reach the kitchen that connects openly to the living room. You playfully smack her arm. “Shut up.” Internally you sigh a breath of relief. You weren’t kidding when you said Scrabble would have been the death of you. “Well well well,” that familiar British voice floats to your ears from behind you like silk. Your heart stops for a second but the hairs on your body stick up to attention. Get your shit together you say to your body as you slowly turn, trying your best to relax and appear nonchalant. “I had a feeling my princess would be here to accessorize my arm tonight.” There it is. For a second his smirk had your heart melting like butter but the next moment it hardened back up and a frown engulfed your facial features. Rolling your eyes, you grab your best friend’s arm. “C’mon Kam, let’s go dance.” Pulling her towards the room, you push every thought of Harry out of your head. At least you try. “Well that was intense.” Kam shouts over the music as you find a spot in the crowd. You start to slowly shake your hips to your favorite Somo song, stopping once you laugh at her lame excuse of dancing. “You’re impossible.” You giggle at her face when you grab her arms to pull her closer and dance together. Not going to lie, she was weird and giggly at first, but the scene quickly grew hot as you both got into it. You knew she was too sure of herself and into the moment to notice anything else, but you could feel the hungry eyes of hormonal boys drooling over the sight of you two right in front of them. Some grew brave and began to join and soon enough your back was leaning into the hard chest of a stranger. You didn’t care at that point because you finally didn’t have a care in the world. Finals seemed so obtainable and small, Harry wasn’t even on your mind. Suddenly the pressure of a strong but gentle hand grabbed your wrist and you felt yourself being pulled out of the cloud of intoxicating dancing. At first you felt panic wash over you for the fear of being abducted or something worse. But as soon as you snapped your head in the direction of your kidnapper, furry rose like a bubbly pot of boiling water up and out of your mouth. “What the fuck Harry?” Once inside a bathroom, the music and the fun seemed far away as you stared up at his determined face. Is that frustration you see in his eyes? Doesn’t matter, you’re too frustrated yourself to care how he feels. “Why did you take me here? Why did you shut the door? Do you even care that I was having fun? Why are you so obsessed with me?” You’re almost screaming the last words when the breath is pulled right out of you. In an impossibly quick instant, he grabs the sides of your face and crudely crashes his lips to yours. You don’t even have a moment to think. With that one action, it’s like your bodies are magnets, opposite pulls so strong that it would take a mountain to pull you apart. His body soon follows the direction of his lips and his torso and lap push yours roughly against the door. You hear a click as he somehow frees a hand to lock the door, creating an impenetrable bubble between you and the outside world. When his hand returns, it grabs your hips and pulls you until what’s left of the remaining space between you disappears. His mouth is precise with practice yet sloppy with need as he mesmerizes you. Your open-mouthed kisses are warm from shared breath and you can taste the minty but somehow all-Harry taste throughout all your nerves. You don’t even think as you let him pull off your jacket and lift you up onto the counter, reconnecting your chest against his once more. After what seems like a complete forever, you huff disappointment when he suddenly pulls his lips away and leans his forehead on yours. Panting, your eyes are still closed and your breath is still trying to catch up when he utters the first words he’s said to you since before you were alone. His voice is hoarse and sexy when he whispers, “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself. I saw you with that guy and I just couldn’t watch anyone else touch you like how I want to.” With those last few words he languidly runs his hands up and down your sides. You realize your arms are around his neck, hands entangled in his hair. You feel like you’re waking up from a coma. “Why didn’t you start with that months ago,” you laugh. “We could’ve been doing this all day, every day.” He laughs and bends down to lightly plant a kiss to your neck like it was a seed and he didn’t want to destroy it so that it would grow. You can feel the hairs on your body rise so much that you swear they’ll jump out of your skin. You lean your head back in wonder as you’re once again transfixed with his touch. As he continues you hear the familiar sound of your best friend’s cheesy ‘80s playlist suddenly blare from the speakers. Who let Kam have the aux? A groan escapes your lips before you can even register it forming in your throat and you look into the worried eyes of the beautiful man in between your legs which are now wrapped around his hip bones. “Could we leave? I don’t want this to stop but I don’t want it to continue to this dreadful soundtrack of my life.” You look into his deep eyes, sea-green like the ocean, and smile. “You mean you don’t enjoy hearing The Final Countdown while being only a few layers away from my skin?” He nibbles your ear and you can feel that smirk you once despised against the side of your head. “Anything for you princess. You smell delicious and I’m craving to taste your skin and see if it’s just as good.” As you jump down to the floor, grab your jacket, and head back to reality, you smile and bite your lip knowing he can’t see through the back of your head. You spot Kam with the DJ having the time of her life and decide not to face her smartass until later. Right now, you want to be far away and alone with the man you’ve craved since you first met. The drive to his apartment is quick considering he speeds up every time you draw pictures on his skin with your finger. He’s quiet and you don’t dare break the silence with whatever word vomit could come tumbling out of your mouth. He parks. You follow quickly after him, every three steps the length of one of his. Up the stairs. Your body is on autopilot and it’s a miracle in-of-itself you don’t trip and fall on your face. He fumbles with the key and you start to unbutton his blue floral button-down. You giggle to yourself and he’s the first to break the trance. “What is so funny to you right now?” he laughs which only makes you giggle harder. Neither of you have had anything to drink, you’re intoxicated and fuzzy off of the taste of each other’s mouths. “I just realized we kinda match.” He looks down at your chest and the tight fabric makes his eyes go dark. He leans in to softly breathe into your ear. “We’ll be matching in a minute when I have both of our clothes on the floor.” You stop giggling when the idea of this makes your face heat up. Fuck. This night has been one rollercoaster. The door opens with a bang and in one blink you’re inside the dark and empty apartment alone again, finally. He takes full control and moves your body hard against the wall. In no time, he takes off both your shirts and the first spark of bare skin touching is paralyzing. You moan into his mouth and this is the catalyst to his fire. He lifts you up with ease, never breaking lip contact as if you are sown together. Your heart drops as he lets go but you smile as you feel the soft fabric of his bed underneath your bare back. Caught in the moment, you begin to reach up for him but find when you open your eyes that he’s stopped right above you, looking down in awe. “What?” you laugh, your eyes trail down the carved figure in front of you. Like stone, he looks still and ever-present. Until he breathes in heavily. “You, babygirl, will be the absolute death of me.” You feel your body melt under his touch before your brain can even comprehend the depth of his words. Unlike his previous actions, these next movements are measured and agonizing. You want him. You need him inside of you, so much that it surprises you to the point of tears. But you can feel the pleasure he gets from this slowness seeping from his pores. He unbuttons your jeans and pulls them off, leaving kisses like tattoos forever engrained in every inch of skin he exposes. Your shoes are long-gone and so are his jeans. Next thing you know, he hovers over your body and you can feel all of him through what little fabric now exists. “You are glorious.” He purrs before connecting his familiar lips again to yours. It’s hard to remember a life without knowing these lips, but at the same time you never tire of what they are capable of. He leads your bodies in a dance you will never be able to recreate. He stops. Moves to your chin. Your neck. Your collarbones, your chest, your stomach. He’s about to go down on you but you just need all of him. You don’t care, you need him. He looks up at you through long beautiful eyelashes and smiles, barring his teeth. He bites. Not you, the last fabric left. The last piece of the puzzle. You’ve never even thought of this being so immensely hot but once he gets your underwear to your knees, you can feel how wet you are. You’ve never been this turned on in your whole life. Now you know why he went so slow but again you don’t care. He leans to kiss your soft inner thighs, but you stop him. “No, all of you, now.” Grabbing his face to begin to pull him up and reach for the grey band of his boxers you’re suddenly interrupted. “Hey, I’m in charge here. What do you want?” You groan and roll your eyes. He quickly grabs your wrists, hard, and brings them above your head, pinning you down. Now his face is so close but you don’t want to move. You like this. “Use your words or else I won’t give you what you need.” He leans into your ear and breathes, “I want to hear you say it.” Your breath hitches and gets caught in your throat but you somehow manage to get out, “Please fuck me so good that I’ll be able to feel you every time I move.” He chuckles, this amazing sound from heaven. “Yes ma’am.” The next moments are a blur. He pulls off his boxers and you watch in captivated awe as he grabs a condom from the bedside table and slips it on with ease. “Done this a few times, haven’t you Styles?” you say with sass. “Never with anyone that fits as perfectly as you do.” He pushes in and at first, he’s slow and gentle, letting the tightness inside you relax. Then he moves in and out with ease, immediately hitting the right spots and with the right rhythm and the right speed. Everything is perfect and you are overcome with emotions. When you think it couldn’t get better he grabs your arms again and goes harder, never tiring, continuing through your high and through his own. It doesn’t end as quick as it began. He gradually slows down, kissing your sweaty lips and neck, your hands running through his damp hair. You are euphoric. When he pulls out, he takes a moment on top of you, pressed so close, to catch his breath, you too, panting like you’ve run a marathon or more. He looks into your eyes. “Perfect princess.” He kisses your nose before he gets up. You lie there with your eyes closed, taking it all in. You could get used to being his princess.