#I have no idea how to handle this diagnosis

[oldbaton]

.

[mars-ipan]

i do love my family very dearly but the internalized ableism the men in here struggle with is. so much

[sacredsorceress]

Scars / Logan Howlett

pairing: dofp!logan howlett x mutant!reader summary: every person has a soulmate. after settling in the future that he saved, logan starts to consider his next mission when a suspicious mark appears on him. word count: 3.2k a/n: good ol'fashioned soulmate AU. this is the first actual fic i've written in a long time so please have some grace. reblogs and replies are super appreciated! warnings: general mentions of logan's past, scars, self-doubt, alcoholism, reader smokes a cigar, mentions of razors, scars, wounds, two uses of y/n

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It had been a week since Logan woke up in his healed timeline.

For most people, the change would have been dramatic. But Logan was far unlike most people. The initial dreamlike state he was in when he first walked through the mansion- seeing the ghosts he had once known returned to the flesh, unscathed- quickly subsided. Logan had always been a man thrown onto a new path- how he lived life constantly changing to best fit his interests. Now, with his newfound peace he found the most complicated mission of all: what to do with the life he was now free to live?

Even before the sentinels, the battles, the wars- he had always been a man on the run. He was solo, strategic, concise. For a man who was gifted with infinite regeneration, he had solely concerned himself with staying alive. He ate for sustenance, sought shelter for safety, and nursed a bottle to find enough peace of mind to sleep at night.

The professor had once told him that for a person to reach self-actualization they first had to have all of their needs met. Logan had scoffed at the time, assuring the professor that he knew himself just fine. But now, with his problems so solved that they had ceased to ever exist, he wondered if maybe the professor was right.

Who was he? Where did he go from here?

The answer was found in the form of a scar on his hand.

"Well, everything seems to be just fine."

Logan scoffed at the blue man in front of him

"Well it's not." Logan said. "Check again."

Two days after he had come back, a large, circular scar had appeared on the palms of each of his hands. When they hadn't disappeared after two minutes, he rushed to the bathroom and nicked himself with his razor, watching as the wound healed with only blood dripping down his scruff as a remanent of it. Thirty minutes after that he found himself in the lab with Hank, Jean, and the Professor hypothesizing his miraculous marks.

"Logan, the tests came back clear." Jean assured him, leaning against the wall. "Maybe it's time to consider that it's something else."

Logan quirked his head towards her.

"I haven't had a scar in over two hundred years," he reminded her, his voice laced with irony. "I get not one, but two and you... what? Think it's a coincidence?"

Before Jean had a chance at rebuttal, the professor moved to face Logan.

"That's not what Jean's inferring, Logan." Charles reminded him. "We're simply asking that you consider other options. Less... dire options. It could, after all, be a good thing."

"Yeah?" Logan scoffed. "Like what?"

A silence hung in the air.

When Logan had first come to them with news of his scar, the thought had been on all three of their minds. Still, there were a plethora of things that could have caused that. Though, when the tests came back clear and his skin continued to heal from all sorts of abrasions, it felt as if there was only one answer for his seemingly magical scars.

However, none of them were keen on sharing this diagnosis with Logan. One wondered whether he'd handle the idea of his body failing him over fated love.

Hank was the first to speak up.

"Like a soulmate."

Oh that was rich, Logan thought.

Logan wasn't unfamiliar with the idea of soulmates.

Around the time that two fated lovers were destined to meet, there would be a sign for each of them. In some cases they were eyes changing colors, feeling the other's pain, finding their names everywhere they looked. In other cases they were new birthmarks, tattoos, scars.

In some way, the two were inextricably connected.

In his long life he had seen others experience it dozens if not hundreds of times. When the first thirty years of his life rolled around with no one, Logan accepted that he was one of the outliers. He considered it for the best and by now, with everything that he had gone through, the concept of soulmates almost seemed like an old wives' tale.

Logan glanced at their faces. When he realized they were serious, a deep laugh escaped from his gut. There was a lack of light in his eyes that admitted his insincerity.

"So I disappear for a few decades and you all start believing in fairytales?" Logan pulled the needles from his arm, the heart rate monitor going flat as he did. "What a bunch of bullshit."

Jean laid her hand against his chest, urging him back into the seat.

"Logan." She soothed him. "This is a good thing. Scott and I-"

Oh this was real rich.

"Scott and you are... what, huh?" Logan urged. "Soulmates?"

Logan scoffed, swiping Jean's hand from his chest.

"Bet you're so happy with your 'soulmate' and that's why you lead me on, huh? That it? You're happy?" He taunted, a dark laugh escaping him once more. "Spare me-"

"Logan, that's enough!"

The professor's voice echoed against the linoleum walls of the lab, reverberating off of the medical equipment throughout.

"If you want to wallow in your own self-deprivation, be my guest, but spare the rest of us your grief." Charles continued. "I think it would be best if you go back to your quarters and consider the future the universe has offered you."

The energy in the air was thick.

Jean and Hank avoided Logan’s eye contact while the professor’s nearly burned a whole through him.

Accepting defeat, Logan threw his hands up in the air and pushed himself out of his metal chair.

“Fine.”

Soulmates. Logan thought. Who would believe in a thing like that?

-

"It's a pleasure to see you again."

The atmosphere in the mansion was a stark contrast to the lab Charles had been in days before.

Now the school day had commenced: children skipping from class to class, students chatting with their friends in the hallway, teachers grabbing coffee between lessons. Amidst the organized chaos, Charles had arranged to meet you in the foyer: the replacement history teacher for Logan's class.

"You too, professor." You smiled, reaching out your hand. "I was so glad to hear from you."

Your hand hung in the air briefly, awaiting his return. Charles examined it for a moment- a twinkle in his eye- before taking it. His thumbs brushed against the newfound scars between your knuckles as he did.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but you didn't always have these scars, did you, Y/n?" Charles asked.

You had not.

You had woken with them a few days before. Despite your powers rooted in chaos magic, it wasn't uncommon for blemishes or wounds to etch themselves into your skin. However, you often knew why. These marks, scars, were not faint, but instead quite profound. Three thick, healed over wounds patched together like a stitch on the back of each of your hands.

"No professor."

He closed his eyes, a soft smile gracing his lips. Though you knew he wished to ask more questions, the moment was broken by Logan.

"Ah, the man himself." Charles beamed. "Logan, I'd like you to meet Y/n. She'll be covering your class."

You had seen your fair share of news stories about the Wolverine. Who hadn't? Though the television had never prepared you for just how tall, or broad he was.

"It's nice to meet you, Logan."

"You too." He nodded, taking your hand.

His hand lingered in yours for a moment. Charles cleared his throat.

"We were just discussing the most peculiar scar on Y/n's hand." Charles said. "Appeared just a few days ago out of nowhere."

Charles nodded his head in the direction of your hand, leading Logan to squint. As if a light bulb had gone off over his head, Logan glanced between Charles and yourself and with your hand still in his, he turned it examine the back.

Three scars between your knuckles. Right where his own claws would be.

Though he liked to imagine himself as the patron of remaining suave, Logan's eyebrows shot up at the recognition. He traced his view from your hands, up your torso, to your face where you eyed him questioningly.

He thought back to the way that he woke up in the seventies, wrapped in the arms of another woman. If times had been different and Logan hadn't undergone all the so-called character development in the last forty years, he was sure that a face like yours would have gotten him in a lot of trouble. You were beautiful, and your demeanor highlighted your strength.

Your face radiated kindness, warmth and most of all, sincerity- a trait that was difficult to come by in a trade such as his.

But then Logan recalled that this wasn't the seventies and you weren't at some bar leading him on the entire night: your hand was in his and, according to everyone else, he was yours.

The idea almost couldn't register in Logan's brain.

"Interesting, isn't it, Logan?" Charles asked, breaking the silence. "Almost identical to where your claws are, hmm?"

Oh the professor thought he was quite funny.

Logan pulled his hand back from your grasp and shook his head.

"Not that easy, Charles." Logan commented before turning to you, a spiteful tone in his voice. "See you around, bub."

Before you had the chance to open your mouth, you watched as Logan stomped down the nearest hallway, his boots squeaking against the floorboards as he did. His fists clenched and released at his sides as he disappeared from view.

His reaction had come so far from left field that if it hadn't given you whiplash, it would have hurt your ego. Instead you turned back to the professor.

"Was it something I said?" You asked.

The professor shook his head, patting your hand gently.

"Logan's quite a complicated man." He assured you. "I'm sure you'll come to know that more than the rest of us. Now, to your classroom..."

Glancing over your shoulder to the void-like hallway that Logan went down, you considered the professor's words.

-

A storm had taken over the mansion by nightfall.

As you padded down the wood panelled hallways, the lightbulbs shook in their glass with each thunder clap- wind swatting at the window panes every few seconds. The pitter patter of the raindrops, although harsh, was comforting. It was almost as if the mansion had been engulfed by the storm, trapping everyone inside, while consequently making the outside world feel a thousand miles away.

When you found Logan's door, tucked in at the end of the hallway, you knocked.

"Yep."

The weight of the door fell against the palm of your hands as you pushed it open.

Logan's room was dark. The only light in the space had been from the embers of the cigar that hung in his mouth, cradled between his thumb and forefinger. Despite the darkness, you could make out his figure sitting at his desk chair by the window, feet kicked up on the sill.

Logan only gave you a quick glance over his shoulder before turning back to the view.

"What d'you want?"

His voice was thick and rough around the edges.

"I came for your textbooks." You replied, tiptoeing against his floorboards. "The professor said you'd have them."

The hand of his that held the cigar waved around. Minuscule ashes fell to the floor as your eyes remained trained on the light and the faint glow of the moon that illuminated the side of his face.

"Be my guest," he said. "Don’t have a clue where they are."

The professor had given you the lowdown when he saw your scars.

Charles told you that despite everything that you had learned- the history that you had known- the Wolverine you'd meet was not the same person. He was a man from a different time with far different, darker memories and enough baggage to weigh down dozens.

Amidst the silence, you cleared your throat.

"Must be hard to wake up in someone else's life."

By now you had reached his desk, your fingertips tracing the lines in the dark, lacquered wood.

You could smell him and the cigar from this distance- aftershave mixed with smoke.

"The professor tell you that?"

"Mhm."

The chair creaked as Logan flicked his hand towards the window, ushering you to come closer.

Watching your step in the dark, you maneuvered around the furniture and sat beside Logan on his desk- pushing loose papers to the side.

"He give you his whole spiel on soulmates too?" He asked, eyes trained on the rain outside.

Soulmates.

Now that was the last thing you expected to come from the Wolverine's mouth.

You'd heard of them more times than you could count. You once wondered whether every repetitive coincidence was a sign that your person was coming. But, when that never happened, you lost hope.

Who got to tell you who you belonged to anyway?

Leaning over, you gingerly took the cigar from his grasp and replaced it with your own fingers. Sitting back into the desk as lightening struck a tree in the distance, you took a puff.

"So that's what the scars on my hands were all about," You thought aloud.

The window fogged as you let the smoke leave from your mouth in a breathy sigh.

Logan tapped his fingers on his thighs, counting the seconds between a lightening strike and its consecutive rumble of thunder.

"Listen, I'm no prince charming if that's what you came here looking for."

Logan's chair creaked again as he leaned back in his seat. His arm draped against the desk as he met your gaze.

You chuckled and held out his cigar, offering it back to him.

"I came here looking for textbooks." You laughed. "You're the one who keeps talking about soulmates. I think you're more of a romantic than you let on.”

His fingers brushed against yours as he took the cigar back into his own hand. Another lightning strike met the ground in the distance, a clap of thunder following moments afterwards.

"You don't buy it?" Logan quirked his eyebrow. It was a teasing question, one he was curious to hear your answer to.

You shrugged.

"I don't think the universe gets to tell me who to love," you said. "If I fall in love with you it's because I love you, Logan. Not because some mark told me to. I just think of it as... a little shove in the right direction.”

The corner of his mouth quirked into a smile for the first time.

"A shove?"

"Like a... blind date." You finished. "Ever been on one of those?"

A congested laugh escaped him.

"Sweetheart, do I look like the type of guy to go on a blind date?"

You bit the inside of your cheek at the name.

Rolling your eyes, you swatted at his arm. You wouldn't admit how much it hurt your knuckles to do so. You'd have to make a mental note to remember his adamantium skeleton.

"Gosh, you're cocky!"

Logan shrugged, "You're the one who likes it apparently."

You felt yourself grow hot at his accusation.

Even though he had a mark signalling his future affection for you, you couldn't help but feel embarrassed by Logan's knowledge of yours. You felt like a child who's crush had just been exposed to the whole class. Was he noting ever glance that you gave him? The way you didn't move when his arm brushed against yours?

A brief pause hung in the air until another thunder clap reverberated against the walls.

"So what's your mark?" You asked.

Logan shoved the cigar into the corner of his mouth. The biting motion forced him to flex his jaw in a way that you would refuse to admit made you start to realize that maybe the universe was right.

And that maybe his cockiness was justified.

He laid out his hands for you. The room was still dark, making the ability to discern the details of his scar impossible. Taking Logan's hands in yours, you summoned your magic into your hands, watching as they glowed gold.

Logan had two large, circular scars imprinted into his palms. It was a clear indicator of your own magical power that surged from your hands.

It left a feeling you couldn't describe in your chest to know that someone else was marked for you. They were destined for you. To be with you. You had a future written together before the two of you had met. Even if he rejected you, there was a sign etched into his skin that bound the two of you together in some fateful way.

Gently, you traced your fingertips against the mark, feeling the warmth that radiated from his palms.

When your eyes flicked upwards, you noticed how close the two of you were now sitting. You could feel his warm breath against your lips as the lingering smell of the cigar drifted up your nose.

Although he wouldn’t admit it, Logan was enchanted by the energy radiating from you. Whether people hated or loved him, his ability got a lot of talk. In his mind though, he would never be a hero. He was just some guy who got lucky.

You, though? He didn’t need you to tell him that you were an Omega level mutant. Logan had heard about you from the professor: you could cast spells, read minds, reconfigure reality- to name a few. You didn't need a reason to fight for what's right, you just did. Again, and again, and again. Even here, now, you were picking up Logan's history class when he knew very well you could be on the other side of the world sipping pina coladas if you wanted.

What the hell was the universe thinking putting you with him?

Logan admired the reflection of the magic on your cheeks and the way your eyes stayed trained on his palms. Your touch was so gentle he could have sworn he was in a distant dream until your eyes met his.

The two of you stared at each other for a moment, gaze locked.

Then another clap of thunder shook the mansion.

You quickly leaned back, pulling your hands from Logan's touch.

"I should... I should go." You said, pushing yourself off of Logan's desk. "It's getting late and I have my first class in the morning."

Logan leaned back in his seat. He said nothing but eyes remained fixed on your form as you made your way towards the door.

Looking back at him with your hand on the knob you made a mental note to remember the image of him with his feet kicked back on the window as he smoked his cigar.

A soft smile remained.

"Good night, Logan."

When you didn't leave immediately, he nodded.

"Night, sweetheart."

Mustering up the courage to shoot him one last smile, you pulled open the door and stepped outside.

Now, Logan didn't know how much he believed in soulmates, but he could be inclined to consider that it was one good wingman.

Leaning back in his seat, Logan sighed and closed his eyes, letting himself drown out his worries with the sound of the rain.

a/n: my inbox is open for more requests! thank you for the request @welcometochilis585

[bonefall]

Unrelated to the new book blurb:

do you have any tips on processing the absolute mess that is the family tree? Like, how does one put it into smaller bites for re-doing/adjusting? How does one even begin to rework it when it's such a confusing tangle?? I'm just so overwhelmed by the tree(s), and I've read the whole series (because I would love to re-work it, but FUCK).

I will be 100% earnest with you; reworking the tree from scratch as a single person is both difficult and time consuming. I have a penchant for it, and even I'm not completely done. I make my reduxed trees totally free to use so that others at least have a jumping-off point for your own "cleaner" Clans.

So my most helpful tip would probably be Don't. PLEASE take my trees and cut them, prune them, bonsai them, clean them up even more than I did, anything you'd like. I do not wish this fate on my worst enemy.

That said-- let's say you love pain as much as I do, or you just want to see how much work I put into these trees. I'll babble about my process.

This is my WIP file for the ShadowClan Family Tree. Consider this image a content warning for self-inflicted pain and suffering 💕

Uhhh and also; an ACTUAL, serious content warning. Because of the nature of them asking how to fix trees on their own, I have to talk a little about incest. It comes with the territory.

A few things to know before you start;

You will need a FUCK OFF MASSIVE monitor for this. Mine is an ASUS a little under 2 feet long-- I've tried doing this on my smaller, secondary monitor, and these trees just get too big to work on.

FamilyEcho will not cut it. You NEED an art program. You will have to do this by hand, because there is no lineage-drawing tool that can handle families this large and tangled.

You will need to decide your "rules" beforehand. How closely related are you allowing valid couples to be? Are you allowing Queen's Rights? Can you add OCs, and if so, how often? On this point-- I have my Three Strict Rules, and do not use OCs. Because of this, I do a LOT of research beforehand and usually have the wiki open as I work on these. I'm always scouring for forgotten warriors to use for this.

There are going to be multiple drafts. You will not do this in one go. That does not mean you "failed" or you're "stuck," that's a good thing.

With all of that out of the way.

Usually, the first thing I do is pick a Clan to work on. There's over 1,000 cats in this series, so I break that up by picking one group at a time. Once I do that, I draw out the canon chart.

In this case, I've already drawn out all of the canon charts. River, Thunder, Shadow, Sky, Wind.

I call this a Diagnosis because I'm taking a look at what the problem is, so that I know what I'm fixing. In Shadow's case, it's a solid brick of inbreeding with a "missing generation" line. In ThunderClan's case, it's mostly a Robinwing x Fuzzypelt problem. Each Clan has its own unique issues.

Once you know the issue, step two, start drawing out what you want to do and keep. For example, let's say that you want to use the Ivy/Dove as Holly/Cinder kittens idea.

I generally try to start with the "modern" cats and work backwards, but it can also be helpful to just doodle out floating "branches" that you want to work in backwards.

You can see examples of those in my ShadowClan draft, up there, but I've zoomed in and circled them.

Don't be afraid to draw "notes" like this. You can just grab them and drag them around when something clicks!

Getting back to our "example" tree with Holly/Cinder Ivy/Dove, you might notice now that Lionblaze has no mate. Another thing I do when I see an immediate problem but don't have a solution in mind yet is use a little ? mark. You don't want to get hung up on deciding everything RIGHT away.

Now, this is where my 3 Strict Rules would come into play, in two ways! I'm sure you'll be able to spot them. For one, Lionblaze has waaaaay too many kids here who would go on to have kittens of their own, so I'd start breaking them up. For two, this tree makes Ivypool and Fernsong a first cousin pairing, something I don't allow.

You can fix this in any number of ways, and I'm sure there's someone out there shouting their preferred Lionblaze ships and Alt Fernsong Parents like they're the crowd on a game show, but for this demonstration I'm going to do this;

Here, I decided I didn't want to undo FernIvy, but I still want Fernsong to be Clanborn with two parents, so I have removed him from Lionblaze and given him unknown family. I've also taken Sorrelstripe and Spotfur, and moved them to a little spot on the side. I can now use them to patch up the little ? placeholders.

You'll also notice this is already becoming a mess. This is why you will need to redraw this a few times, for readability. The best tip I can give you for that is that families who only have one kit to carry on the lineage should go in a long line in the center, but otherwise, offspring who do not have kits should go between their siblings who do.

It's easier to visualize it imo, so here's what I mean;

The vast majority of the time I spend doing these is just "puzzlework." Trying to figure out a way to make line connections look good, making sure cats are far enough apart, trying to make "wishlist" stuff work.

Here's some insight to that with the big ShadowClan mess I showed at the beginning of this post;

And, mind you, this is Draft 3 of this tree. Those grayed-out parts of the first image were my first two. I wasn't satisfied enough with them, so I started from scratch several times!

I wish I could share some kind of good, simple process for this, but unfortunately I don't have one. It's just a lot of work, familiarity, creativity, and problem solving. I spend days, sometimes even weeks on these. My intention is that they can be a fandom resource that's easier to read than the website tree, less carelessly inbred with more thought given to immediate family units, AND more comprehensive.

In any case, I hope this was insightful, or these tips I share helped in some way!

[nakimov]

A request please, please ask Apollo x reader, how Apollo reacts when he finds out that his partner is pregnant

Unexpected Turns of Events

Thanks for requesting! I have time on my hands to do a few requests.

Pairing: Apollo x fem!reader

Synopsis: You had no idea how’d he would react. You thought you were careful and even used protection. Yet, somehow here you are pregnant and alone. You were wondering if this was the last straw for him and if he’d leave you. Was this pretty for you? Could he handle the news?

TW: fluff and hurt comfort

WC: 1007

You were sitting alone in the infirmary room waiting for a diagnosis for your sickness as you were throwing up for the past 3 days. You were suspicious as to why and you didn’t tell your beloved how you were feeling sick either. You just had the urge to throw up at random times.

It was quiet as you kept your head in the palm of your hands. The door opened and you looked up to the doctor who smiled and didn’t seem too concerned. “Congratulations,” he said and you looked at him and it sunk into you.

“Oh no…” you muttered and a mixed feeling washed over you. Apollo never spoke to you about having kids or if he wanted any. This terrified you the most and you were careless when you two made love to one another. He took care of you and made sure you were treated right.

“Is something the matter?” The doctor tried to touch your shoulder but you jerked away and stood up.

“Everything is fine! It’s just… I have to go," you rushed out of the room panicking and scared. You wanted to go back to your room but you had no idea if he would be there. He gave up a lot for you. You wouldn’t even give him a chance unless he stopped his womanizing ways. Maybe this would make him lose all feelings for you? Your hands were shaking as your other fell on your stomach.

You wouldn’t ever abandon your child even if he wasn’t in the picture. You did everything you could for Apollo even when he told you that’s what maids are for and to not overwork yourself. The Olympus palace was big and you met everyone and they treated you as Apollo’s wife. His woman.

Even his sister Artemis approved of you because of your loyalty and love for her brother. You found your way to your shared room and walked inside. He wasn’t here but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t nearby. He rarely leaves the palace unless he was told too.

Were you going crazy? Maybe a little. You tried to hide your face in the palm of your hands as you sat on the bed facing away from the door. You wanted to be alone to figure out what you were going to do. Apollo should return soon but that doesn’t change the fact he may not want kids.

A few minutes had gone by as your heart was racing and questions flooding your head. Maybe you were overthinking it.

“You’re back?” A voice says from behind. You froze in place and barely even noticed he returned. You had gripped your knees. He couldn’t see your face but he knew right off the bat something was wrong.

“Ya, I had to leave early this morning to get a check-up from the doctor. I wasn’t… feeling well.” You left it vague. You noticed how his face went from his usual happy self to a more serious expression. He grimaced and placed a hand on your forehead.

“Are you okay? You’re not burning up,” you pulled away from embarrassment but he still was a few inches away from you.

“Uh no, it’s not that..” your hands were sweating. Apollo took note of how nervous you were. You wouldn’t even meet his eyes. And he didn't like how avoidant you were.

He didn’t care for whatever it was you were hiding. You were everything to him as he was yours. “What is it, my love?” He grabbed your face to force you to look at him. He could see how terrified you were and he was growing irritated as to why you weren’t telling him.

“I— It’s uh…” tears were forming at the corners of your eyes.

“Why are you crying? You know it’s an unsettling sight for me to see this side of you,” Apollo grabbed your hands but you pulled away. Truth was he was more scared of you leaving him than the other way around. Were you planning to leave him? The thought wouldn’t go away.

“I— I’m pre– pregnant.”

Silence suddenly covered the room. Neither of you two said anything for a good minute even when you were wiping the tears away from your eyes. Apollo pulled away and this is what you had expected. He didn’t want anything to do with you.

No. He pulled your entire body to sit in between his legs. He surprised you with his actions. “Now was that hard to say?” He playfully touched your hair and the side of your face. A grin was dancing at the corner of his lips. He didn’t mention any part of your pregnancy.

“You– you’re not mad?” Apollo’s arms were wrapped around you while his chin rested on your head. He didn’t speak for a few seconds as if he was thinking.

“No, why would I be? It was bound to happen at some point.” He didn’t care? Would he be a good father? Many questions were rushing through your mind. A sense of relief washed over you. You loosened up and felt comfortable being in his arms.

“There there, you know these things wouldn’t make me leave, right?” He chuckled while running his hand through your hair as you mumbled a quiet yes. It was natural for the man and woman to mate and have offsprings which was considered beautiful to Apollo. You were still tired and he wanted to spend the day with you. Maybe have the maids prepare you a nice bath and he’d join you.

Note: anyway, if I get any more requests they’ll be prolonged for a couple of days to cope with the new chapter leaks.

[mysticcrownwolf]

So your girl finally had a autistic meltdown and finally asked her mum about her childhood and got some mixed results but long story short I am finally getting an official autism and adhd diagnosis because in my mums words “Everyone deserves things that make their life easier to live”. Not gonna lie guys I did cried about this but it also came up that they did tried to get me diagnosed before (I don’t remember this at all) but were told I just had very high levels of hyperactivity so to make sure this type of bullshit doesn’t happen again I am making a list of all my weird or quirky traits and having the neurodivergents of Tumblr peer review them so I can finally get a diagnosis after 19 years of struggling.

1) I didn’t ever in my life made or had friends that stick around.

2) I was actually alienated a lot by most people in my life for being the umbrella term they all coined as ‘weird’ what this weird means varies from person to person.

3) I have actually been told by other girls that they gave me a chance to keep them company even after many people told them I was too weird and they should stay away from me. These same people later called me slurs, were self absorbed or just plain abusive towards me.

4) Through out my whole life I have sat alone on a double bench because no one wanted to sit with me in class.

5) I have a problem with properly spelling certain words like I write weird as ‘wierd’ or video as ‘vedio’.

6) People constantly doubt I have any sense of knowledge and act like any good idea I give is a surprise even when I was on the top of the class the phrases like “ That’s the first good idea you ever had” weren’t uncommon.

7) I walk a lot and I mean a lot enough that hyperactivity has still been a part of my diagnostic because I walked so much they had no choice but to put that in. I actually come to the school 30 minutes early then walked the whole time, I would just up and leave classes to walk in corridors because I couldn’t sit still long enough, my walking is such a huge part of me my old teachers still tell their classes about me as the girl that walked too much.

8) People in my college nicknamed me the headphone girl because I walked around our whole campus( I would pace a lot around the parameters) with my only noticeable feature being my headphones.

9) I was the only kid in my school not scared of bugs which lead to some notable incidents

I once picked a small green caterpillar and showed it off to my class of 10 year olds they started crying and teacher made me throw the bug even though I wanted to keep it as a pet

Our teacher once asked us to bring butterflies to class so I captured around 30 butterflies put them in a breathable Tupperware and took those to class me being the only person who did this freaked out all the other children with my butterflies , we later released them all in recess it was very pretty

I not only volunteered but gleefully presented live earthworms on my palm to various groups of parents in our school science fare much to the horrified looks of many parents and children about how a little girl like me wasn’t screaming from handling earthworms.

I scared our class mean girl by capturing a butterfly and then turning my hand holding the butterfly in her direction she and a few other girls screamed when I tried to tell them that the little critter was harmless and even offered to let them hold her (I was very confused why they didn’t like this).

10) I was friends with a lot of my teachers as well as higher class teachers especially the Science, Social studies and English teachers. I would often spend my recess in the biology lab chatting with the biology teacher about the different specimens in the lab and how much I enjoyed biology in general. I am half sure I would have loved to study biology/medicine if not for the fact it was a minimum investment of 7 years though I am still an avid reader of new biological discoveries and follow many niche youtube channels that focus on flora and fauna.

11) I was actually friends with all 3 principles in my school and would go to them after my last class to chat about my school day. This was so bizarre to others but I actually enjoyed how much these adults would listen to my info dump even if my own peers won’t.

12) Every single time my report card came I would usually top the class in most subjects except maths in which I usually underperformed ( don’t worry guys I figured out later I just need to know every basic concept to get the deep understanding of mathematical principles which my teachers were very bad at build but I later learned how to do it myself) but it would always have in big bold letters that “I talked to much and have weird questions and am disruptive in class ” which my bad I thought I could get details about what your are teaching and develop great interest but nah we just need to complete the syllabus as fast as we can. Salt on the wound I would only ask questions and discuss topics in class with the teacher since I don’t have friends I could talk to in class. They deadass never ever punished a single student from disrupting in class except me the girl who asked silly questions about what we were studying maybe they thought my questions were weird so I was asking them to disrupt they flow of the class rather than genuine curiosity who knows

13) I had very bad anger issues stemming from how the system as well as authority figures treated me ( I have since been to therapy and gotten help for it ) but a lot of time I verbally and physically attacked an authority figures usually when they punished me for something I didn’t do or when they tried to empty out their frustration on me or tried to bully me in anyway. I never took bullying face down from anybody be it younger or older than me my flight or fight response was always on fight

14) People did tried to bully me physically or verbally but I always returned it in kind with interest so it never really stuck like the isolation did. My most memorable experience with bullying was when I bitch slapped our school mean girl so hard the whole ground heard it , I don’t think I ever got any punishment for it and she later burned every friendship she had by throwing her whole group under the bus for some vandalism they did.

15) I unfortunately never had friends so when they school told me telling an authority figure I am being teased, harassed or even that someone is breaking the rules is what’s morally right I ran with the rules set for me rather than knowing the social norms that this would mark me as the school snitch without the teachers ever doing anything about the issues. Unfortunately I learned the hard way through trial and error that once you are labelled as a snitch their is nothing you can do to get that tag off and it comes with the added benefit of making people never talk to each other near me or even just leave the places I visit alone so yay more loneliness for me

16) I actively volunteered for every single activity and program my school office this sounds great but I picked and got selected for all 7 different fairs (English, Hindi, Maths, Science, Social science, Music, Art) but rather than pick out one or two I helped out with all 7 of them. They later added a 3 groups per person limit.

17) I am actually trained in both classical instrumental and singing but couldn’t complete my singing degree before the program closed down and it’s been 6 years since I played a Casio that I don’t think that even matters anymore. Anyway I added this because at first I did both of these at the same time along with volunteering for all the other activities before they added a 1 course per year limit which is a shame since it cost me my vocal degree.

18) I love reading that just the fact I found reading in my school library when I was 8 haven’t let it go since by my librarian’s estimate I read almost 3000 books (mostly children books) from my school library. I also have a mini collection of about 300 books that I have passed down to both of siblings. These days I read mostly on ao3 or the occasional paperback I bought at the airport but reading is still something I do almost daily.

19) See one thing about me is I was one of the first student at my school so much so my identification number was 35 so me being such an old student my school has actually legends about my quirky ( neurodivergent ) behaviour which has made me understand where most legends actually come from

I walked out of classes so many times teachers to this day still tell stories of the weird girl that likes to walk

My whole school knew who I was mostly because I would be the first and only person that likes to answer philosophical questions asked by our principal in the assembly, I was also great with improvising assembly conductions, thought of the days, assembly quizzes, full speeches on topics told to me 2 minutes ago, even improvised song recitations (can you guys pick up I have social anxiety now).

As I told you my lovelies I love reading so if I was immersed in a book and the class started I would just hide the book to read in class once I got caught so I got termed the girl who like to read books in class( is it stupid yes did it still happened certainly). I later learned to zone out to the stories in my mind during class which was very helpful.

As I told you guys I was actually on pretty friendly terms with my principal and teachers so guess who became the teachers pet for the next 8 years even though most teachers care jack shit about my interest and was further alienated because of this me ofcourse.

I actually once locked myself in the school bathroom for like 4 hours because I hadn’t completed the homework a teacher had given me and she was quite physically abusive towards me. I got suspended for a week because of this funnily enough nobody in my school actually remember this and most are really surprised to know I was suspended.

I am actually really famous or infamous by the way you look at it for physically assaulting a teacher funnily enough the name of the teacher, why I am attacked them and even how I hit them changes from person to person I have actually heard 10-15 different variations from different people( I am not even sure if I actually ever hit a teacher most I remember is I lunged at one teacher but she stepped back so I didn’t even touch her).

20) I was depressed from age 14 to 17 which caused me to chronic pain which later caused me to meet my current psychologist who helped me a lot but is vehemently against me getting any sort of neurodivergent diagnosis most she say is I have borderline adhd tendencies and that I think to much and should focus on calming down my mind which honestly is quite invalidating.

21) I can’t wear any sort of itchy or frilly materials when I was younger ( the texture was soo bad) but my sister could which made my mother think I was being a drama queen.

22) When I was younger I use toilet paper after using a bidet because the feeling of wet pants would over stem me so bad it’s not a problem for me anymore except from sometimes during winters.

23) I didn’t know Chewelry existed when I was younger so I chewed on my nails/skin,my lips, squishy parts of remotes, plastic toys, legos, scarfs, hoody strings, hot glue gun glue, chalk, cement, sand, mud etc. (Yes I know about the microplastics now no I don’t care).

24) I am highly sensitive to sounds so if my fan have a weird creak sound I won’t be able too sleep I also can’t sleep if I hear a clock ticking or any other repetitive sounds ( my mum still doesn’t understand why I can’t just force myself to sleep).

25) I also can’t sleep in continuous silence I need background noise to fall asleep.

26) It took me a whole year of forcing myself to wear bra and panties for my body to finally get used to me wearing them. It was a stimulation nightmare but I think it was worth it I enjoy wearing bras and panties now.

27) I can’t eat apples like I physically cringe even thinking of the sensation of biting into an apple. I have tried cutting an apple into every single why I could I still can’t swallow or even properly chew an apple the texture is such a sensory nightmare for me. Cabbage used to be the same for me but though constant reintroduction I can usually for myself to eat it with a glass of water

28) I have had many foods be absolutely sensory nightmare for me throughout my childhood. I was a very picky eater think bread, soup, lentils and noodles(packet noodles without vegetables). I couldn’t eat any kinds of fruits(except banana), vegetables, pizza , burgers (still don’t eat this), dumplings, wraps, pasta,etc. Heck I was a vegetarian for majority of my life before I learned chicken is actually a great textured food for me though I still don’t eat any form of red meat or sea foods and my food list is still very limited I have constantly reintroduced many foods for myself over the years which I can now usually bear to eat. I also learned that I can usually consume fruit and vegetables better if they are liquids so fruits juices, smoothies and soups were also great help.

29) I was and still am an absolutely clean freak and organiser. Like my bag use to have books organised in this specific order English, Hindi, Maths, Science and then Social studies and it needs to been in this order or I would get anxious. Fortunately no one else in my house ever wanted to organise anything so I would organise everything with way I would want it to be while also being neat.

30) One of my biggest sources of stress came from how dirty my siblings made our room. I would deep clean everything and then organise our books , toys and clothes and then clean and organise our bed they would just bulldozers through and ruin all my hard work in a day or two. Unfortunately I had this sense of cleanliness and order since I was a child and my siblings who were even younger then me weren’t slobs(ok maybe my brother was but anyway) they just weren’t wired to like cleanliness and order like I did and being children anything I told them about how we can keep our room clean went over their heads because I was always their to do it for them.

31) I actually had many special interests growing up though I didn’t have trains as an interest except for the cool toy train set I got as a gift or the maglev trains who are objectively very cool. My biggest special interest were rocks, space and animals especially all the books Nat geography and scholastic puts out on animals. I actually had a rock collection mostly made up of sedimentary rock and a piece of lime stone which my mother later kept in the shed where it got lost during home construction. I also have a modest collection of books and another collection of small childhood trinkets that I still have (I recently bought a clay bird that mimics actual bird call when filled with a little water to add to my collection).

32) I forget I need to eat and drink it’s always been like this I don’t have that internal clock that says you are thirsty go drink water or you are hungry go eat food . I need to remind myself it’s been 12 hrs I probably need water it’s been 32 hrs you should probably get some food or at least have a protein shake it’s like my body has no sense of hunger or thirst but I am getting better at eating and drinking at least the drinking water part anyway.

33) I am tired it’s not recent but in the last few years since I became an adult I feel so tired I use to be the topper of my class the gifted children that participated in everything now I am in college and just getting an 80% feels draining everyone has so much hope for me that I could and should do better but I am just tired. I walk and trekk sometimes but I don’t participate in any events and I see others I see my roommate who participates in like 5 different events and still gets a 95% if she can do it why can’t I. I use to be able to do so much and now I don’t have the drive to do much of anything anymore it’s so painful to realise that I should do better but what does better looks like for someone who is as tired as I am.

I did took some online test as well just to see if I even had a chance and the results were mostly the same I have many Adhd/Autistic tendencies and should probably get a professional diagnosis. I would be very thankful if my fellow autistic and adhd people would help me add more targeted experiences so I can finally get a diagnosis

@my-autism-adhd-blog you inspired me write all of this down and it would be very helpful if you could guide me to get a better diagnosis because of your experience. Also I greatly enjoy the contents of your blog so thank you for that

[rare-average-system]

I wish there was less abject denial to receive clinical information about DID within this community. That pointing out medical journals or studies or diagnostic manuals is seen as an attack.

I think there's a few layers to what that can stem from. Fear of being wrong. Fear of losing their alters if they "heal too much". Or not wanting to heal at all. And those are all valid things to feel.

But accepting things about this disorder isn't going to *poof* and delete your system.

So as someone who touts the high value on clinical research readings, I will be vulnerable and tell you how I juggle living on both sides of this coin.

Before I recognized my system existed, I had high levels of dissociation and didn't have much issue talking about it. It's a more "socially accepted" experience. After 2 therapists caught onto it being DID, things got louder in my head. Working toward my diagnosis, awareness of alters and amnesia happened rapidly. To a point it scared me to realize how little control I actually had all these years. Realizing my rigid lifestyle was my system trying to keep us functioning undetected all these years.

The panic eased up and moved into comfort. I had comfort knowing another part could always step in to handle something that I couldn't. It felt like a safety net.

And when my therapist finally confirmed my diagnosis we had a serious talk that before we can start real deep trauma work, I need to be ready to accept I may lose alters. And accept that my system growing is a sign of new trauma or treatment moving too quickly.

So. Am I ready for that? Not fully. It's a terrifying thought that healing means taking on the jobs I had split into my alters. It means I will now have to do the things that were too hard for me to handle.

The idea of fusion is scary. It feels lonely. I can acccept that I have these fears. I can accept that my alters exist to keep me safe. The fear of losing them is simply another manifestation of the disorder. The fear is how the alters want to keep me safe in the way they always have.

It's okay to not WANT to change everything. It's okay to not be ready yet. It's okay to be afraid. It's okay to make mistakes along the way.

But it matters most that you understand the WHY. Knowing doesn't mean you have to DO.

With love. 🩵

[where-dreams-dwell]

Dexter is a cautionary tale of the need to accept discomfort as a part of life, with Emma as his contrast and aspirational example.

Throughout the show Emma embodies determination and self assurance. The only reason she thinks she can change the world is.. because why couldn’t she? In contrast Dexter has no idea what he wants and kind of resents having to even think about it, hence his jumping between careers and looking for purpose for the whole show.

While Em knows what she wants emotionally (the satisfaction or having made a difference, the achievement of doing what she always wanted) but isn’t sure on the specifics of what that will look like (I’ll write plays, no write poetry, no I’ll teach, okay no I’ll write a book), Dexter knows the specifics (I’ll be rich and famous) but doesn’t know what he wants emotionally (‘what will that look like?’ ‘I don’t know’).

While Dex is always running from uncomfortable feelings Em faces then head on and comes out the other side, able to learn from them.

As Dex is travelling to put off making long term decisions, Em has taken the first opportunity to do what she wants: writing, be it books, poems or in this instance plays.

On holiday Dex can’t allow himself to admit that he fancy’s Em and to leave it at that, he has to run from the honesty and vulnerability of that moment by adding on ‘but I pretty much fancy everyone’. In doing this you could argue that he looses his chance with her for several years, where as Emma’s confidence could have resulted in them getting together much sooner.

Dex misses his mothers last birthday because he doesn’t want to face reality. Instead of reacting to the fear and anger and pain of her diagnosis by spending every moment he can with her, or sitting down to have heart to heart talks with her, or helping her out in any meaningful way Dex runs away and numbs himself with substances, and is passed out for the little time he is in her presence.

When he’s nervous people won’t (or already don’t) like him on TV he again turns to substances to numb his feelings, and (instead of taking Em’s advice to ignore them) looks for reassurance from hangers on who don’t actually know him that well. He can’t sit in that worry/fear/discomfort so he finds a way to stop feeling.

When Dex’s marriage falls apart we see him running away to Paris to visit Em. And sure there are ulterior motives here (his hope and assuming that this could be the start of their romantic relationship) but the writer shows him literally traveling away from the country where his failed marriage, child and previous life were as he is show to be angrily talking about his divorce. As an image it appears like he’s running away from the reality of the divorce or running to Em for a distraction. It definitely supports Ems assumptions that he’s not serious about a relationship with her; she’s seen this behaviour in Dex before.

It’s even funny how in small ways we don’t see him handle upsetting things until the very end. Talking about his first marriage and the production the day became? Dex admits he didn’t want to rock the boat so he didn’t fight anything/reject anything/ have much say at all in his wedding. Sylvie drops off Jasmine? Dex is still at the cafe so Em is the one managing slightly awkward small talk. Jasmine practising her violin? We get a brief moment with Dex too but mainly it’s Em sitting through the recitals. In that last episode when they’re struggling with fertility, Em is the one who sits down and talks out her anger and fear and worry, where as Dex (who probably knew what the root of it all was) was happy to leave her to process it how she need to and support her while she did. If she hadn’t brought it up he wouldn’t have said anything.

That’s not becisarily a bad thing (Dex could have known that Em needed to process it herself before talking to him) but it is interesting that the writers engineer Dex to avoid all these moments of emotional discomfort. It reinforces his characterisation of being avoidant when confronted with conflict.

In contrast we kind of constantly see Em having to face hard moments and working through them.

Don’t know what to do with your life? Move to London to try and aim to work in your dream field. London life and restaurant job not going the way you planned? Commit to Dex’s suggestion of teacher training. Time to confess a secret? Here’s a hugely personal one about my past feelings for you. Past crush admits he kind-if fancy’s you? Stick to being honest about your past feelings and don’t take the opening to downplay them. You feel shit about your life and your secret affair? Well let’s turn that into motivation to finally write that book.

Not happy with your long term partner? End the relationship.

Emma’s whole confrontation with Ian is a masterclass in facing difficult conversations and emotions, being vulnerable and open and honest about your feelings, and finding empathy for another outside your point of view. And look what she gains from facing that hard in comfortable conversation? Closure, and a kind of friendship, one that lasts even after she dies.

When Dex confessed that he hoped they would start a romantic relationship in Paris, Em sits him down and starts that hard conversation about how she doesn’t think that is 1) what he even wants and 2) would work between them. She doesn’t brush off of hide from the conversation. And then when she has more information and time to think she commits to Dex.

Even after they sleep together there’s a scene of Em laying the ground rules, making it clear to Dex what she will and won’t stand in this relationship. That’s an awkward conversation to have but Em doesn’t hesitate and makes sure he knows from the get go what she expects and deserves. The writers are constantly showing us ‘Em doesn’t run from uncomfortable feelings’.

And then the tragic twist of fate: Emma is gone and Dexter finally has to learn to live with emotional discomfort. He can’t keep running because there is no escaping this, not like he did with his mum. Like he says to Imaginary-Emma ‘why would time change anything’. He is going to feel like this forever, there is no escaping it. Finally he is learning to face it, manage it, and work through it.

Of course Emma is far more than a literally device and is her own layered and well established character. But in this regard for Dex it’s almost as if she’s the final lesson for him to work through to grow up enough so he can eventually choose to return to the place they met.

And it could even come across as a reward for him; in learning to live with those difficult emotions, his reward is being able to remember Emma fondly, and to return to the place they met to seek out those memories. The memories are bittersweet, but now he remembers Emma as she was and not how she never got to be.

Like his dad said, he is eventually able to ‘live [his] life as if she were still here’ but in order to do that he first had to accept that she was gone.

[megaderping]

I think the biggest issue with Naoto discussion is that there are so many intersecting perspectives with very strong feelings involved, and if a Persona 4 remake does happen, I fully suspect that Atlus is going to have their hands full figuring out how to handle the character in the modern day. First there's the cultural context of misogyny in the workplace and especially in the legal and justice systems in Japan, which informs Naoto's character a lot. It is important to consider this, as this was a Japanese game made in 2008 at a time where queer visibility wasn't nearly as prominent, but that alone doesn't invalidate criticism to the arc's execution, regardless of creator intention. A big point of contention is how the arc was handled. Specifically the way it uses talk of body alteration procedures, surgical equipment, and treats the idea of transition as scary. If you consider how draconian the laws behind legally transitioning in Japan are, you can perhaps make a case for why it might cause Naoto internal conflict as complete surgical transition/sterilization/diagnosis were all requirements at the time of the game's development and only recently were declared unconstitutional. Though, as this excellent video pointed out, it's possible this was meant to be a reference to the story Flowers for Algernon, given the weapon you get if you return there later. However, even if that was the intent, transgender people exist in Japan and have since well before Persona 4, and anime such as The Dirty Pair aired in the 80's with very progressive takes on transness. It's very unlikely that the team behind Persona 4 was completely unaware of queer issues and symbolism, given that Persona 3 had that infamous transphobic joke in the original version's babe hunt.

The Dirty Pair, a 1985 anime that was surprisingly progressive.

I think the issue, more than anything, is that the tropes at play don't exist in a vacuum and what comes after Naoto's dungeon raises a lot more red flags. Jokes about Naoto's chest size, the narrative framing Kanji's crush as only acceptable after the reveal, on top of the uncomfortable execution of the romance route in Naoto's Social Link. You get so much "Naoto is actually a girl" in a way where it's other characters talking about/over Naoto, which is what really makes the framing off putting to a lot of people, myself included. And it's not even that you can't do an arc about a female character fighting against prejudiced preconceptions in the criminal justice field without controversy, because Persona 5 pulled this off far less contentiously.

Sae Niijima deals with many similar themes but doesn't seem nearly as contentious, and I think a large part of that is due to Sae openly presenting as a woman from the start. The game openly depicts the misogyny from Sae's superiors and coworkers, such as how she's unmarried and fighting an uphill battle for success in a male-dominated field. Persona has toyed with these ideas in the aftermath of Persona 4 and even when revisiting older titles. Persona 2 went back and added the character of Shiori Miyashiro in the PSP release, a lady detective who has a lot in common with Naoto (e.g. knowingly endangering oneself to get the truth behind a supernatural case). It's also astonishing that we have Lala Escargot in Persona 5, which also had that infamous gay couple that played into horrible stereotypes that were only slightly fixed in royal's international release. Lala, whether trans or a drag queen, is given surprising respect, and her identity is never called into question. A Persona 4 remake could learn from this and cut back on the characters asserting what Naoto feels, what Naoto "really is," etc, and let Naoto and Naoto alone decide. Ultimately, Naoto means different things to different people, and these things can carry great personal weight and importance. Many trans and nonbinary Persona fans see themselves in Naoto. Others favor Naoto as some flavor of gnc or find Naoto embracing femininity and detective work empowering. I think the problem is that when this topic comes up, there's a lot of hostility. Trans fans and people who favor trans Naoto get told to shut up at best, and at worst get hit with shit tons of transphobia and gross conduct. On the other hand, I don't think people who prefer more canon-compliant depictions of Naoto are inherently malicious. It's how they approach these discussions and treat people that makes a difference. Just because someone uses she/her for Naoto doesn't mean they're being intentionally transphobic, but I totally get people wanting to avoid material that uses those pronouns all the same. I also don't think people are wrong to be uncomfortable with the resolution of Naoto's arc in canon. I think people who get upset when fanworks go with trans or NB interpretations of Naoto could stand to be more empathetic, as a lot of those fanworks come from people who connected to Naoto and want to explore what could've been. I don't think more canon-compliant fanworks are inherently malicious either, but no one is obligated to stick around works or spaces that make them feel uncomfortable. Tbh, I'm just wondering what Atlus will do. Persona 3 Reload removed that one transphobic joke during the babe hunt in all languages. Persona 5 Tactica had male marriage fantasies for Joker. I think Atlus is trying to be more inclusive, but Persona 3 Reload also kept Toriumi's crush on the protagonist and Chihiro defending student-teacher romances, so it's really unclear how much of Persona 4's more divisive aspects will be retooled. Because it's not just Naoto. Persona 4 has a lot of aspects that haven't aged well, like all the jokes about Kanji being predatory if he's attracted to guys, or Kashiwagi being creepy toward students, or the fatphobia with Hanako while Ebihara's past of being overweight is treated with more sympathy. I love Naoto and Persona 4, but I also think it's important to be able to criticize elements of the game that could be executed better.

[bullet-prooflove]

Hello! Okay so this is my first ask!

Could you please do number 30 "If I told you that I didn't need you, well that would be a lie" from the pocket full of hope prompt list you recently posted for Stuart Scola and Sasha please?

Tagging: @kmc1989 @trublu2u @noxytopy @district447 @stelacole @abby-splace

Companion piece to:

Every Inch Of You (NSFW) - You and Stuart spend the night together after two years apart.

Escapee - You and Stuart are reunited when a face from your past escapes from prison.

Safehouse - You and Stuart discuss moving forward now you're back in NY.

The Life You Could Have - You get a glimpse into the life you could have with Stuart.

You’ve been in the safe house for three days before you start to get restless. Stuart can see it in the way you pace the living room, tidying Jack’s toys, stacking the books in a neat alphabetised order.

This happens sometimes when you can’t go for a run or hit the boxing gym, that relentless energy you have, it starts to build and build inside you. It makes you impulsive, reckless.

“You’re going to leave aren’t you?” He asks you that night after he’s tucked Jack into bed. You’re drying the dishes on the draining board, putting each one back in its rightful place. Outwardly you’re the epitome of calm, but he knows you, knows your brain is going a mile a minute.

“It’s the only way to end it.” You tell him, folding the towel before you sigh placing your hands upon the surface of the counter. “I’m not sure how much longer I can stand being cooped up like this, it feels like I’m trapped in my own skin.”

It’s the ADHD, you’ve never received an official diagnosis but Stuart sees it in you, he always has. He mentioned it a couple of years ago back before you got married and you conceded he was probably right. You hate the idea of being shoved into a neat little box so you handle it on your own and it works mostly…

Until you end up a position like this, trapped in a house without the usual mechanisms you use to cope.

“Sasha.” He says softly, his hands coming to rest on your shoulders, trying to sooth you. “You just gotta hold out a little longer-”

“That’s not really how it works with me.” You remind him.

You may have been apart for a few years but he hasn’t forgotten the other way you deal with his feelings. His fingers thread in yours and he guides you to his bedroom, closing the door behind him so Jack doesn’t hear the noise. The way you fuck him that night, it’s wild, untamed. He’s forgotten that it can be like this with you, he’s forgotten how he can be when he’s with you. It’s bite marks and scratches, bruises that’ll last for days and finally it’s ecstasy, the most intense euphoria he’s had in a very long time.

When he wakes up the next morning it’s to an odd sense of unease. He runs his hand over the sheets to find your side of the bed empty and a cloying, ominous silence seeping through the house.

It’s then he sees the note propped up on the nightstand and his heart sinks because he realises the truth now, that last night wasn’t really about burning off that excess energy, it was really about saying goodbye.

Stuart? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

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[roxineedstosleep]

Also what does the Superfam/superman do for doctor/dentist appointments? Does the Superfam constantly x ray you to check for issues?

What would they do if you have a toothache? Or would they notice before you?

(Sorry if this is a lot. I’m currently stuck in bed for a few days.)

Also could I get added to your taglist on everything?

They would definitely know if you've been brushing your teeth properly and could try to do something about taking you to the dentist when they notice that your wisdom teeth are becoming more of a nuisance than they should be.

If Clark hadn't been a reporter, a job as a dentist would have fallen almost perfectly into his lap.

If it is a Yandere affair?

The Kents would definitely (especially the Kryptonians in the family) be checking your vitals from time to time.

X-rays, super hearing, definitely the latter.

They would know what's going on with you at any given moment, especially if they notice that something is not within what they consider your ‘normal range’. Of course, Kon and Jon would be quicker to notice how weird it is, considering they do have human DNA in their bodies and can better parameterize some things. Clark, ironically, knows by theory what's right and wrong with your human body, but by the very fact that he has no real idea - he kind of knows what it's like to have a fever and what it should feel like and he knows what it looks like, but he's never really experienced it himself - so he's a little dependent on what the kids and Lois can tell him.

To be honest, I think they might determine more short-term things than long-term things.

Example: a fever, allergies, vomiting, stomach upset. If it has an external factor as a cause, they might know how to handle it.

But more long-term illnesses, I don't think so.

Like, if the reader, for some reason, was developing cancer, I don't think they would notice it until the early stages.

I mean, Clark knows a lot about human anatomy because he's interested, and I'm sure his kids know something out of necessity. But, there are parts of the body that are always mutating.

The cells of the body are always developing for something or renewing themselves. If it's an aggressive one they can probably detect some anomaly, but if it's one that takes a while to show signs… they may even be a little late in noticing exactly what's going on. That is, they'll notice something is going on and they know it's not normal within your established health parameters, but they won't know for sure until they can tell what it is.

Of course, compared to a regular medical diagnosis, they may even detect it at an extremely early stage, which helps in your recovery.

And, as far as mental illnesses or psychiatric conditions are concerned, I think they will be completely lost there.

A brain tumour or a concussion of the skull is easy to treat, but a panic attack or something more complex to analyse as one of these conditions might be… they definitely don't know what to do.

For them, to give an example, it would be something like this: They see something happening in there, they know what part of the brain is affected and how that affects the rest of the body. But they don't know what the exact cause is and how they could - effectively - cope and do a proper treatment that would allow their loved one to have a good quality of life.

These are vague ideas.

I'm definitely lacking more precision, but I feel it would look like this if we were talking about the Superfamily monitoring everything that is related to your health.

[iloveundertaesooomuch]

Some advice from AU Calebs!

Heck yeah I did it! Finally i finished ONE of the HUNDREDS AU crossover ideas I have in my head!! Crossovers are fun guys!! (I apologise for a bad english in advance. Writing this it a rush.)

"It's ok to ask for help." (A Reverse Of Feathers And Mud by @jess-the-vampire)

I couldn't make a crossover meme without the legend. Sorry, not sorry. He is such a sad lad but tries to stay positive and be happy for his family uydfykudsutsudskudsluds (*dies*). I have to admitt, Caleb's dad energy is too strong for me to handle without wanting a hug him. No wonder! He was THE grandpa for centuries straight without a break. At least Caleb gets his whole family together in the end. Comics with him and either Hunter and Philip or Luz and Eda make me run in cirles around the room aaaa.

"You are not a burden." (Brother's Keeper by @idoodlestuffsometimes)

Damn, you definetly created one of the darkest AU in the fandom. Each time I re-read AU related posts I scream my lungs out because it is so angsty and so great. I am genuinely scared of your Belos ngl, because.. this man didnt loose anything and he still proceeds to do all that stuff. Enconter with him has 0 survival rate.

POOR CALEB! At least in the world of memes he had an opportunity to flee the captivity twice (the bald head and the car). This man had no moment of mental rest for centuries oh my God. One of my friends wants to fight his brother personally to protec Caleb at all cost sksksk. Well, at least Hunter will always have an actually loving relative! And if the happy ending is going to be canon, I think the future looks great, especially knowing how much pain all your characters go through currently. (And I think both Caleb and Hunter would need the "you are not a burdain" affirmations. At least some form of support in their situation.)

You said in the latest ask-answer that BK!Caleb was supposed to have white streaks in his hair so I attempted to add them. Hope they look fine! Colors for the outfit I got from Belos, so they would match, I guess???

"Murder is okay." (Loose Strings by @oldmanpip)

My bro, brother, friend... Despite you being not to involved on the discord server, my brain is still rotting with your great awesome AUs. And I know you know that. Your Caleb is really loose in all sences of that word and I love that. Wonder if your AUs will ever be available to the public. Because oh boy oh boy they deserve to be recognised. (Loose Caleb is such a conservative grandpa who never did anything wrong, wdym?)

"Your feelings matter." (Pip In Time by @celestialscribbler)

Honestly? Man, your comic is the reason I got invested in Witteclaw couple at all. Even if the "Pip in time" is not their story, but you wrote their teen romance so sweetly. Those two melted my heart... I scream each time I re-read your comic for 100th time. Just WOAH my brain goes brrr! And Caleb as a character is also written really really well. I love him so much. He is such good brother but MAN HE NEEDS A BREAK FROM BEING AN ADULT! BOY! Insirt crying and heart emojis here.

(PS: hope you still care about your health!)

My thoughts:

I have been drawing this for more than a month I think? And the only reason for that is my university. I hope to actually get an ADHD diagnosis because something is clearly wrong with me. But thats not the point.

There are so many ideas in my head. Goofy and not. The only problem is that I have less and less ability to do what I want lately. I wish I could bring them all to life, but at the same I dont know if anyone will be interested. Would AU crossovers look too self-indulgent? Or nah? Idk. (Just Grimwalker-Isle already has so much potential for stupid ridiculous fun I am runnin on coffee juice.)

Litteraly my mind is plagued with different fun plots and possibilities I am going crazy. But I also have A TON of WIPs that I need to finish. Perhaps I will attempt to manage everything at once, but, no promises.

Wish me luck on my exams!

[stayevildarling]

Wilhemina Venable x Reader- All I want for Christmas is you

A/N: dedicated to @stepintomyworld and all the credit to you for this incredible idea💜

tw/tags: soft mina, mentions of minas past

word count: 2.7k

taglist:

@lunaticwhittaker , @billiebeanhoward , @lanawinters-ily , @kenzbro , @minaslittleone , @httpfiftyshadesofgay @whitelotus00 , @ninaahelvar , @paulsonsratched , @vintagepaulson , @isle-of-earle , @grilledcheeseandguavajelly , @lucyintheskywithxanax , @fanfics4world , @mymiraclewitch , @hazard-to-myself , @awritersometimes , @wastdstime , @p1pecleanerwitheyes , @queen2234 , @ihartnat , @lifebyinez , @ahsatanizgay , @blu3dimples , @stepintomyworld

The idea had came to you a few weeks ago, Wilhemina and you in each other‘s arms as you had one of your usual deep midnight conversations. She had said it so casually, almost as if it didnt matter. The woman had never had an advent calendar before and despite her making it seem like it wasn‘t a big deal, you could see something behind her brown eyes. You knew about Wilhemina‘s past by now, how she was never taken seriously for her pains and even when she finally got the diagnosis, she was treated like nothing other than a burden.

The redhead had always been careful about her past, not necessarily liking to bring it up, rather keeping it hidden. But after months of your relationship, the woman noticed how you never pushed, never got annoyed when she did share, you made her feel safe and seen, never like a burden and so she began trusting you, opening up and letting her guard down in a way she never had before. And with the season coming up, you decided to change just that. But it wasn‘t going to be any advent calender, her experience had to perfect, not the usual chocolates in a cardboard box.

If Mina was going to experience this for the first time, it had to be perfect. And so by the time december rolled around, you crafted your own version of an advent calendar, each day filled with something for the woman who captured your heart, little gestures to make her smile but also reminders for how much you loved her and how strong she truly was. Some were small, a book you knew she would love, a scented candle, her favorite teas, some handmade things like your own attempt at lavender soap. Some more expensive or taking longer to get your hands on like a beautiful designer scarf in her favorite shade of lilac, a new handle for her cane as hers had become a bit bruised and broken over the years.

You made sure that each day included a handwritten note, reminding her what you loved about her, her sharp wit, the way she mumbled to herself when reading a book or the way her soft hands would brush yours when she reached for her morning coffee. The night before december first, you carefully placed the wrapped boxes and envelopes on the shelf by the fireplace in the livingroom, each one labeled with the dates. When the two of you walk to sit in the livingroom with your coffees the next morning, her reaction was worth every bit of planning and effort you had gone through for the love of your life.

Her fingers delicately brushed over the first gift, her expression a mix of surprise and confusion. „What is this?“ she asked, her voice softer than usual when she saw all the shades of her favorite colour. You smile from the doorway, leaning against the frame. „An advent calendar, you said you never had one, so I thought I would make you one“ you explain, feeling a little shy, hoping it was going to bring her as much joy as you had hoped.

Mina turned towards you, her dark eyes shining „This.. is for me?“ she asks with furrowed eyebrows, almost in disbelief you would have went through that kind of trouble for her. „All for you“ you smile, stepping closer. „Go on, open today‘s“ you encourage with a warm smile. Her eyes dart between you and the box, hesitating for a moment before carefully unwrapping the small package, revealing a hardcover copy of the new book she mentioned months ago but never managed to get one. She gasps a little before finding a little note „You have a way of making this world feel brighter by just being in it. I hope this makes your day a little brighter too“.

Your girlfriends lips part, her eyes focused on the note and book before she looks at you, her usual composure softer than usual, more vulnerable. „This is.. little one.. I don‘t know what to say“ she mumbles before you step a little closer „You don‘t have to say anything“ you encourage, wrapping your arms around her. „Just enjoy it and know that every gift and every note is true, I love you“ you whisper. Your words cause you to hold on tightly and for a moment it was if though the world outside or her past didn‘t exist, just the two of you and the quiet love you shared, now carefully spelled out by daily gifts for your girlfriend.

The days passed with Wilhemina eagerly unwrapping each present, finding little gestures and notes that caused her heart to melt at your thoughtfulness. She tried to hide how giddy it made her but you would see the way her fingers lingered over the wrapping paper, a smile tugged on her lips whenever she read your notes, almost as if she was more excited about those than the actual gifts. One morning, you find her sitting at the table, the december 8th package in front of her. It wasn‘t opened yet, though she was staring at it, fingers lightly tracing the ribbon.

„Waiting for me?“ you tease, setting down two mugs of coffee before sitting across from her. She glances up, her expression softer than you had seen it before „Maybe.. I like opening them with you“ she whispers, barely audible. Her confession warmed your heart „Well don‘t let me keep you waiting, show me what you got today“ you encourage excitedly. The redhead unties the ribbon carefully, her movements unhurried, as if savouring the moment. Inside she finds a beautiful scarf, her favorite shades of lilac. You had found it weeks ago at a designer store, this not exactly within your budget but wanting to spoil the woman who had captured your heart.

She holds it up, admiring the piece of clothing before she murmurs „This is stunning“ but when she notices the small Prada tag, her eyes widen as she looks at you. „This is too much little one“ she argues but you shake your head, encouraging her to read the note. „It reminded me of you“ you whisper, watching her reaction closely. She sets the scarf down before reading the note „You are the most captivating person I have ever known, everytime I see you, I fall in love all over again“. Mina‘s breath hitches as she presses her lips together, eyes glistening with tears as she rereads the note. „You‘re going to ruin me with these“ she says, voice trembling slightly.

„Good“ you reply with a wink, reaching out to take her hand. „You deserve to be ruined in the best way possible, for love, for joy, for feeling safe and for all the things you misses out on growing up“. Her eyes find yours and for once she doesn‘t have a clever or sarcastic response. Instead she stands, leaning in as she kisses your lips, lingering on yours as if to pour all the unspoken words and gratitude into the moment. When she pulled back, she is smiling, a rare unguarded smile that causes your heart to ache. „Thank you“ she whispers „For this.. for everything“.

She doesn‘t say anything else, simply pulling you into another kiss, the scarf forgotten on the table for now. But you knew your Mina wasn‘t the type to say how much something meant to her, but in the way she held you after, the way she lingered close, you knew she didn‘t need to, her actions louder than any words. As the days passed you noticed her coming home after work, proudly wearing the scarf and using the other things you had gotten her, finding her drinking the tea you had gotten for her, reading the book and finding the room smelling like the lavender scented candle you bought, finding a soft smile on her features each time.

In the following weeks, you noticed how much more relaxed Mina seemed around you. She was anyway but there was something softer and subtler about the way she would talk to you, almost as if she wasn‘t thinking about what she is saying or holding back the slightest details which she usually would. Her arms would find yours more often, hands holding your own and her lips finding yours more softer than before, always as to make up for the fact she wasn‘t good with words and expressed her gratitude through those things.

Two nights before christmas, the two of you sit by the fireplace, the sound of the fire crackling echoing through the quiet room. There is a lilac knitted blanket draped over both of your legs as you watch the fire, the presence of each other enough as well as the vinyl you had gotten her playing softly in the background. Out of the corner of your eyes you could see how she keeps looking at you, her lips parting before she stops herself and you can‘t help but find her hand under the blanket, squeezing it a little reassuringly before locking eyes with the woman that you love. „Something on your mind Mina?“ you ask gently before her brown eyes find yours. She halts for a moment before her lips finally part, her walls knocking down gently with your grounding eyes.

„Thank you“ she whispers, her hand squeezing yours a little tighter instinctively as her eyes stay on your own. „Thank you for making this christmas so special“ she whispers, causing you to frown when you see the honesty in her eyes, the pain from her past replaced by something else. It was you that replaced those things, the notes, the carefully chosen gifts and the way you had made her feel seen ever since capturing her heart. „Thank you for making me feel seen and not like a burden“ she admits, some tears welling in her eyes as your own sparkle in your eyes. You pull her closer, holding her in your arms before pulling away with a smirk. „Wait til you open tomorrow‘s“ you tease with a wink which causes her to chuckle lowly at your antics. She leans her head on your shoulder, never once letting go off your hand.

The day christmas rolls around, the two of you begin with some breakfast, opting to spend it in the comfort of each other, Mina having made a dinner reservation for you two at a fancy but quiet restaurant she chose for the night. She had been excited to open your last box, a much smaller one this morning but you had told her she needed to wait til after breakfast, causing her to fake pout. The two of you enjoyed breakfast, happy that Wilhemina was finally getting a break from work for a little while, excited to spend it with her fully. While Wilhemina got in the bath and ready, having gifted her some lavendar bath salts for the occasion yesterday, you made sure to perfect the surprise that you had kept for the very end of this advent calendar.

By the time the woman steps out of the bedroom, dressed in a lilac uniform for tonight, her hair styled perfectly the way it usually was. But there was something different about the way she looked today, happier and almost a little less tense than usually. You watch from behind the sofa as you hide there, seeing her walk inside with a confused expression when she finds her favorite lilac flowers on the table with the last box for today. The note next to it reads „Open now“ and she glances around confused for a moment, not having seen you yet before she opens it, finding nothing other than another note in it. As her eyes glance over it her eyebrows furrow yet again as she reads „Turn around“ and as she does, her breath hitches when she sees you, on one knee and a tiny box with a purple ribbon in your hands.

„Y/N, what are you doing?“ she asks, confusion and fear in her features for a moment before your eyes locking with her own ground her. „Mina“‘you begin, trying to hide your trembling hands and trying to calm your nerves. „I know you aren‘t one for these big gestures and so that‘s why I‘m keeping this small“ you begin with a smile, trying to hold back your own tears. „I have loved you since first laying eyes on you and I couldn‘t be more grateful that you opened your heart to me. I love you with all my being, you are beautiful beyond words. And I promise you that I will spend every single one of my days reminding you how special you are“. She watches you in shock, her eyes never leaving yours as she listens to your words carefully. „I promise that I will spend my days making sure you slowly forget the memories you grew up with and replace them with happy and safe ones just like you deserve“.

Your breath trembles as you open the small box, exposing a subtle ring with a lilac diamond, not too big, not too small or grand, perfect for your girlfriend. „Will you do me the greatest honour of becoming my wife?“ you ask, a part of you worried this was too much for her, the two of you having talked about marriage before but unsure whether she was truly ready. „I promise we can take it as slow as you need and if this is too much, this is something you aren‘t ready for or not want, I will understand and I won‘t..“ you begin rambling but before your nerves can get the better of you further, she pulls you up, your faces inches apart. „Can you stop talking and kiss me?“ she whispers, tears in her eyes as you nod a bit dumfounded, her lips meeting yours in a kiss that feels so much more meaningful than all the others you had shared.

„So is that a yes?“ you ask with a sly smile as you both pull away which causes her to roll her eyes and smirk „Yes idiot, it means yes“ she whispers, tears still swelling in her eyes as you carefully place the ring on her finger, seeing how her eyes sparkle as she secretly admires it. There is silence between you as the vinyl player carries on playing softly in the background, your anxiety having drawn out the fact you turned it on before she stepped into the room while fixing all the details for her surprise. You glance at her cane, slowly reaching and putting it aside as you hold her up instead, causing her to meet your eyes, scared at first before it is instantly replaced by trust and safety. „I have got you“ you whisper as she leans her head on your shoulder and the two of you begin swaying softly to the sound of her favorite song.

„This month has been so special, thank you“ she whispers as you smile before you feel her smirking against you „How are you gonna beat that next year?“ she teases which causes you to chuckle before shrugging. „I have got something for you to open now too“ she remarks, reaching for her cane before disappearing for a moment. „I was going to give it to you tonight but I guess you beat me to it“ she whispers before you carefully unwrap the present, exposing a small box. Your heart hammers against your chest as you have a feeling what it might be by her words and smile. Tears well in your eyes as you see the beauiful ring she had chosen for you. „You know I can‘t get on one knee but will you do me the honour too?“ she teases, both utterly serious but something soft in her tone.

„I suppose so“ you shrug, tears streaming down your cheeks, causing the woman‘s elbow to softly land on your side before you both begin chuckling, laughter errupting in the quiet room as Wilhemina had learnt you truly cared for her. How you truly felt for her and she couldn‘t deny this any longer, especially after this month, that you are the one, that she trusted you fully and was never going to let you go. Her arms wrap around you again before her hand takes yours to admire the ring „Y/N Venable has a nice ring to it“ she smirks which causes you to smile before pulling her in for a kiss. And it was true, all you both wanted for christmas was each other, today and for all the christmases to come.

[bagopucks]

Masterlist

You can find all of my works listed here with a summary! I’ll also list my AU’s when I begin forming them.

By default, I write the reader as female. So if you want a different sex/gender, you need to clarify it in your request!

You can find a link to my post on requests, here!

Silly Love Songs AU Masterlist, here!

Out of Place Masterlist, here!

Elton John Masterlist, here!

Singlereaderfic Masterlist, here!

✄————————————

Trevor Zegras

It’s An Off Day - Trevor and the reader both have their own stressors in their lives, and it causes a tiff. But there’s nothing a little playful make-up can’t fix.

Defend My Honor - Somebody has to defend my honor. Somebody has to defend your honor. Enemies to lovers.

Disheveled Duckling - Trevor’s always hidden his feelings behind a locked door, but when everything becomes too much, he reluctantly turns to who he trusts the most.

Stand By Me - The reader and Trevor struggle but ultimately deal with the diagnosis of an autoimmune disease. And they deal with it together.

You And Me - The reader, Jack’s ex, is now dating Trevor. After they’ve been outed, the couple deals with new hate, and it’s overbearing in more ways than one.

Getcha Back- The reader cracks under the pressure of media and her relationship with Trevor. It’s up to him to win her back.

Family Reunion - Trevor’s meeting the reader’s family. Both are a little nervous, but he ends up fitting right in.

Bad Idea, Right? - SongFic, he’s just an ex.. nothing more, right?

Can He Sing? - The reader and Trevor accept the request of a local recording studio to do an interview while they’re in town, revealing to the audience a bit of their relationship, and an upcoming album.

Jack Hughes

Sally Forth - The Hughes brothers and Jack’s hockey team going to support the reader in dance nationals.

Need You Now - The reader is paired up with an injured boy for a group dance. She needs a new partner, so she calls on Jack. A lot of fluff in between.

It’s Out There - The reader is a university student. That’s all she’s supposed to be to the public. Until they find out of her secret relationship with Jack Hughes. Then it’s another story.

Blackouts - When everybody is stuck at the lake house during a storm, and the power goes out, there’s only so much they can do to pass the time.

A Little Funky - The reader struggles with OCD, and Jack is still learning how to handle it.

Home Alone - Jack invites the reader over because his parents are out, but an oncoming blizzard has them returning sooner than expected.

And I, You - The reader and Jack get a moment alone in the lake house to discuss their future plans.

Record Breaker - Jack finally breaks the regular season point record, and of course he has to celebrate.

So Fine - Sequel to “Home Alone.” The reader’s parents are out of town on a business trip. Nobody’s passing up on this chance to give their day together another shot.

As Sure As It Gets - The reader and Jack have been best friends since they can remember. One day the reader confesses to feelings harbored for a while, and Jack hesitates before deciding not to tell the truth, for the sake of their friendship.

Late Night Drives - The reader finally discovers why Jack is called Rowdy, after accepting an invite to go on a drive with the Hughes brothers and a few friends.

More Than I Do Now - SongFic, Jack and the reader spend the evening with his family and a few friends, but the reader’s stuck in another world, fantasizing about their relationship.

ATTHNGVBD - It’s Valentine’s Day, and Jack puts himself under a lot of pressure to start a new tradition.

Can’t Break Up Now - SongFic, Jack and the reader have had a vicious fight.. and it’s time to decide what’s best for their relationship.

Mine All Mine - They’re polar opposites, and everybody has something to say about it. She just wants to be good enough, but never feels like she is.

Joe Cool - When the reader’s boyfriend backs out on her before Halloween, Jack invites her to the Devils Halloween party, insisting they dress up together.

Quinn Hughes

Wildest Storms - The reader’s anxiety levels are through the roof, and when Quinn comes home, he’s there to distract and comfort in the ways he knows best.

Softly, Sweetly - Quinn’s home alone one night, and decides to invite the reader over for a bit of fun. Only it doesn’t go as planned.

Plus One - The reader needs a date to a friend’s wedding. Quinn’s the lucky man.

Gingerbread Houses - The reader’s boyfriend drops a bomb on her during Christmas, and Quinn is the first person she turns to for comfort.

Fast Car - Coming Soon!✨

Jamie Drysdale

Drago-nita - Jamie’s left to take care of Trevor’s lizard while the forward is on a road trip. Things don’t go as planned, so he calls the reader for assistance.

Island Of Love - Jamie falls head over heels for a girl he never expected to love. But they’re from two different worlds, and he can’t stay away from his forever.

Lady May - SongFic, a recollection of the times the reader was Jamie’s rock, leading him to one fateful decision.

The Ugly Duckling - being written, angst and fluff, title’s kinda self explanatory.. gonna make you guys wait for it anyway.

Orange, Orange, Orange - The reader visits Jamie and Trevor during playoffs only to receive a rather startling surprise.

Blind Dating - Jamie is new in town and managed to get himself set up on a blind date. The reader isn’t too sure about him. At least not at first.

Nico Hischier

Smile Again - Nico’s injured and the reader has to leave town for a week. She returns to her lover in a horrible state, and there’s not much she can do but comfort him back to contentment.

It’s My Footwork - Knee surgery leaves Nico’s leg a bit weak, so he seeks out creative conditioning to get him back on track.

Soulmates ‘N All That - SongFic, a summary of the meeting, the dating, and the marriage.

Dearest Nico, - Two strangers falling in love over the exchange of letters and phone calls. Loosely based off of the song “Travelin’ Soldier” by the Dixie Chicks. But at the same time it’s really not.

Comfy - Nico comes home from a hockey game ready to relax, and though the reader isn’t in a bath mood, they’ll gladly sit outside the tub and talk all evening with him.

Too Much To Drink - The reader went to a simple bachelorette party and took part in the festivities, especially the drinking. And of course, Nico comes to the rescue.

Sun Days - Enjoying a perfect day on the New Jersey beaches with Nico and the team.

When you Wake - Nico went out with the boys, and the reader is left with a surprise when the Hughes brothers bring him home far less than sober.

Wishing For Angels - The reader comes home from work one evening and spends the night watching early Christmas movies with Nico.

Mitch Marner

Light My Love - SongFic, An art major and a hockey player who’s mind works a mile a minute. He’s her inspiration.

The Best Recovery - The reader’s overwhelmed, and slips into a nonverbal state for the night. Mitch is waiting at home to provide comfort and reassurance.

Noise Cancelling - The reader can’t hide their Amazon Wishlist from Mitch for forever, but this is by far the best gift.

Depths Of Love - Loss and grief. Acceptance and moving on. Mitch lost the love of his life, only to realize he doesn’t have to continue alone.

Auston Matthews

Felix and Missy - A dog is a man’s best wingman.

Cole Caufield

College Despair - The reader is overwhelmed with assignments, and needs a break. Cole just got back from a roadie, and needs quality time.

Misunderstand Us - The reader is invited out to the lake house. Quinn forgets to mention that he told Cole about them, and Cole’s rather forward introduction causes a feud between himself and the reader. Until the truth comes out. Enemies to lovers.

She’s Taller - Cole fell for the girl across the street. There’s just one thing that held him back. His height. Turns out, that might not be an issue for her at all.

Linear Progress - Cole has just returned from an injury, and can’t get out of his own head about the fact that he’s struggling.

She’s Taller Pt. 2 ✨ - coming soon!

Reality - SongFic, broken trust leads to a messy breakup. Cole simply can’t let her go.

Young!Pens

My experimental additions! If you didn’t see the poll, I’ll be writing for Crosby, Malkin, Zucker -tho he’d technically be on the Wild when I write for him but I’m classifying him as a Penguin in this post- and maybe Jarry.

—————————————

Highlight Reels

Adventures in house sitting - Jamie and Trevor

Country reader - Jack Hughes

Little!Hughes Brothers - Quinn, Jack, and Luke

Spa Days - Jamie Drysdale

Minecraft Servers - Various Players

Snowboarding - Jack Hughes

—————————————

Blurbs and Edits

“Before sunrise, he’s your rookie.” - Nico Hischier

Cuddling and Trip Planning - Trevor Zegras

Cancelled Games - Trevor Zegras and Jamie Drysdale

“The Lean” - Trevor Zegras

Vacation to Switz - Nico Hischier

Sick Days - Any Player

Dancing In The Rain - Quinn Hughes, SongFic

Little Interruptions - Nico Hischier and Jack Hughes

Rainy Mornings - Cole Caufield

First Time Fighter - Jack Hughes, platonic Luke

Tornado Watch - Jamie Drysdale

Tea Cups - Young!HughesBrothers

Soft Launch - Nico Hischier

[alexaloraetheris]

I juat remembered the day, about two months ago, when I went to renew my perscription and ended up derailed by some kind of divine influence that really, really wanted my help. 😂

So I have an appointment at 9. First thing I do is sleep in because my alarm simply did not ring. First time that happened. I cursed out the damn phone and ordered a taxi, which I had specifically hoping to avoid because of the traffic congestion.

My driver is a woman a bit older than me, and she's in a good mood so we chat. She told me she was thinking of moving to [city on the coast] because taxi drivers are paid better there, and I tell her I have family there, we comment on what it's like to drive in a city essentially built into three hills and a cliff. She mentiones she has scoliosis, and it sometimes impacts her ability to sit in a car for long periods of time. I had scoliosis as well, but I had managed to fix it with exercises almost completely so I recommended my physical therapist, and assured her it's not too late, because some of the people in my therapy group were even older than her. When she let me off she thanked me for the help.

Feeling good that, even if I had to pay out the nose for the ride, I got there in time and even managed to do a good deed. I rush in, tell the reception guy I'm here to see my doctor and settle in to wait.

Two hours later, I see people being called in but not my name. I ask why, and doctor looks at me blankly and says I'm not in the system. I have to tell the reception I've arrived so I show up on his schedule.

I'm mentally cursing out the entire hospital, but I wasn't raised by wolves. I thank the doctor, politely tell the different receptionist that the last guy probably didn't hear me when I told him my appointment, got added in and went back to wait.

Ten minutes later, a visibly nervous girl with freshly printed papers sits in the waiting room. I'm in a bit of a mood, but I'm also a firm believer in helping if I can. I paste on a smile and ask 'First time?' and she admits she just got sent here for a potential ADHD diagnosis and she had no idea what to do. Having been there and knowing exactly how hard it was to do it on your own, I gave her the number of the psychologist who made my diagnosis, assured her that the psychiatrist she was here to see is the same one I have and that he's a good guy, explained what ADHD actually was and how the meds work. She was neraly crying with relief by the time I was done, and I promised she could send me questions if she needs to.

I finally, finally go in for my appointment in a slightly better mood, only for my psychiatrist to tell me Concerta is no longer imported, I have to go on some other meds and for that I need my family doctor to sign off on a regular perscription instead of getting an Rx perscription from him.

This is the worst case scenario, because I do NOT want my mother, who thinks ADHD was invented by quack American psychologists to sell expensive meds to parents with unruly children, to know I have ADHD. So I mentally curse out the entire healthcare system, go to the family doctor and explain the situation, that my mother absolutely CANNOT know about my diagnosis. Even though the doctor was not aware of my diagnosis so far, she listens attentively, and we make sure that my mom can't check the insurance we're both under to see what meds I'm on or that if she checks my name in the pharmacy directory she can't see me either.

I thought I handled that situation rather well but I must have looked more worried than I thought, because the doctor admitted her high-school age granddaughter had been asking questions about psychologists and antidepressants and she had so far been dismissive. But if she really needs help, she might do the same thing I did and seek help on her own, and my doctor realized she ought to either change her attitude fast or be left in the dark while her granddaughter is struggling. So I told her which psychologist I went to when I was also a depressed high schooler and how it helped and what I would have wanted my family to keep in mind. She thanks me and hands me a new perscription and sends me on my way.

So by now I am starting to notice a pattern.

Now, I'm actually an atheist, and I have 'Culturally Catholic' as a flaw and a laundry list of Stuff(TM) I have had to unlearn, but sometimes I really wonder if Someone Up There looked at me that day and thought:

"Hmm, looks like I have three problems I can solve with one well-positioned dumbass. Time to ruin her day for the good of the world!"

I mean. Happy to help but I really hope ruining my day won't be necessary next time.

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

What do you think about the idea that HM will be included in ANYTHING - balcony, Christmas walk, ANYTHING? I don't see William allowing Harry, much less his wife, within restraining order distance of his family. EVER. Ever, ever again. Like in this century. Or the next one. What do you think?

William is so, so, so done with them. He's been done with them for a while but I think Kate's illness really hammered it home for William. Especially if there's any connection to stress, from the actual medical condition to the diagnosis to how the symptoms presented or evolved to her convalescence and recovery.

I don't want to say that Kate's illness is a reckoning moment for the BRF (because we don't actually know yet) but I have a feeling we're going to see some "cut the pork" moves from William and it will be very Philip-like, as if William has realized the BRF needs someone with a commanding backbone to keep everyone in line and that's gotta be him since Charles clearly can't do it, not with the Harry and Andrew shenanigans. Maybe it's a more decisive and conclusive handling of Harry and Andrew. Maybe it's a stronger, clearer delination of us vs them. Maybe it's a more forceful presence as Prince of Wales, even at King Charles's expense (as Charles sometimes did to The Queen).

It'll be an interesting couple of months for BRF royal watchers, that's for sure.