#tw: mentions of delusion

[transmascgoblin]

Tw: Possibly Delusional Behaviours in a loved one

(I need help figuring out my next steps)

Right. how do I start.

I'm dating this guy. he's a couple of years older than me, and we hit things off pretty quickly. we were friends for about 8-10 months before we started dating a month ago. while we were friends, he (Liam, we will call him Liam for this story) would say things that don't quite add up normally. it started somewhat in the normal realm of possibility. one night, we stayed up late talking and he said something about "opening his Eye" (capitalized, too) and seeing something "unsettling" and therefore not sleeping for the night. I assumed he meant. you know. his eyes. the ones on your face, under your eyebrows and on either side of your nose. but No. he meant his third eye.

uh. ok then.

I assume he's just spiritual, or subscribes to a religion that I don't know much of. normal stuff, right? I'm not religious or anything, so I kinda brush it off and say "yeah haha, are you big on meditation? I never could figure it out", attempting small talk. he then divulges in me that no, it's not a religious thing. this is "traveling to an alternate dimension" thing.

Um. What.

now I'm thinking "oh god, he's one of those Shifters from TikTok. how do I handle this". so I kinda awkwardly ask him about it, like, "oh yeah haha. what? where do you go?" and his dead ass response is "this place called the Other side"

..........uhm.

so now I'm worrying. what is this guy on. the other side???? what the fuck is that? but then he elaborates, saying things like "yeah, it's almost a copy of our earth, but it's all greyed out. and there are alternate versions of me and Smith (his friend, and apparent accomplice/ prophesized teammate to save the world. I'm using a fake name to protect his privacy) are there, and a version of me owns a bar in the Other side. there are lots of Smiths in there, they're surprisingly common"

........ how do I tell him that there's no way this is real

and he just. keeps going. I ask clarifying questions and I'm just thinking about how crazy of a story this would make in a book. until Liam drops this bomb: "me and Smith are supposed to work together to save our Earth. our alternate versions of ourselves have failed countless times, loosing their earths to (name of big bad I have since forgotten. we shall call him "the dark one" for the purpose of this story) The Dark One. but here's the kicker, me and Smith have no idea when The Dark One will attack our earth"

I. how do I respond.

I say something like "oh. damn. that is. alot of responsibility for a couple of. not even 20-year olds" (ohH I'm dropping my approximate age.)

and he just, meets me there. "yeah, it is a lot of stress. and I can't talk to anyone about it because they think I'm crazy, but I know I'm not because other people have seen the same things I have."

and. I just. I don't know how to handle that.

we are dating now, I thought that hey, what's the worst that can happen? I know Smith, but not well. but I can ask Smith about this, because I have seen him text Liam, and Liam has texted Smith about this and sent audio messages while I was in the car with him. the audio message Liam recorded today has a blip in it where I was talking to him. Smith knows it's me.

today Liam told me that he thinks he and I are soulmates. like. real soulmates. and I just, don't know how to respond. he's low-key freaking me out. I'm planning on asking Smith, but I have no idea if Smith will tell me anything.

anyways. please. this is a call for help. what is going on. is this real. am I involved with someone who is experiencing delusions. god I hope not.

[mishervellous]

What are your significant other’s green flags? If you don’t have a s/o, what would you consider green flags in a potential partner?

kinda ot but can someone explain to me what a beige flag is? i’ve seen that term going around recently and i’m confused anyways:

-listens and believes you (or at least doesn’t straight up invalidate you right away)

-doesn’t belittle your feelings (and by feelings i also mean whatever stems from heavier things like paranoia/delusion and the likes) (and by that i don’t mean they just enable them, i mostly mean they don’t shut you off on the basis of those feelings being exaggerated/unrealistic)

-understands and respects your boundaries; establishes boundaries of their own

-is honest

-is communicative as best as they can (about their own struggles but also about potential struggles in the relationship itself)

-values your input/opinions (mostly if it’s something that has to do with the relationship itself)

-is a silly goose and kinda weird (positive)

[spectral-slugcat]

Btw therians are cool and valid

Btw copinglinks, funlinks and any other otherlinks are cool and valid

Btw physical alterhumans are cool and valid

Btw spiritual alterhumans are cool and valid

Btw psychological alterhumans are cool and valid

Btw delusional alterhumans are cool and valid

Btw fictionkins are cool and valid

Btw objectkins, plantkins and other “unusual” kins are cool and valid

Btw wolfkins, foxkins and other “common” kins are cool and valid

Btw all alterhumans are cool and valid

Btw you’re cool and valid

[a-minke-whales-tale]

Delusion, Clinical Zoanthropy

I am a clinical zoanthrope. I have schizophrenia. If you have read my posts or blog before this should be no surprise as I am quite open about it. These labels that have been put on me affect nearly every aspect of my life, and greatly affect how I interact with the community. There is often a lot of discussion surrounding ideas of physical identity, delusion and if these things should be acceptable within the community or how to handle these topics.

Length: 3676 words

TW: delusions, reality checking, mentions of medical abuse

The year before last, I had spent quite a bit of time working with another academic to construct a historical materialist analysis of therianthropy. Historical materialism for people who are not familiar is a method of analysing history through the lens of production and class society. In particular, given the apparent wealth of historical therianthropy among “primitive” society, and the narrow niche of modern therianthropy, as well as my own treatment at the hands of the medical system, I wished to understand the origins of the oppression of therianthropic identity. I have to date not completed the project for a number of reasons - limited available literature regarding the transition from pre-class society to slave society particularly regarding religious and spiritual beliefs, personal health and time, and forcing myself to create a complex system of double bookkeeping and analysing my experiences through a materialist lens essentially constantly and forcibly reality checking myself constantly was very taxing.

Although I did not get to the state to write and publish the paper, I did learn a fair bit, and I think the most important concept within this discussion is the concept of delusion and how we define it. There is a common vulgar definition of delusion as believing anything that is not real or not backed by scientific consensus. But then there are many things people believe which is not backed by scientific consensus. While certainly there are people who would say that anyone who believes in ghosts or the Christian God are delusional, nearly half of the people in my country believe in God, however we lack any materialist evidence at this point for such a thing. The state of being identified by others as delusional comes with some pretty serious consequences, it should be noted though that these consequences are not applied to people who believe in God. Similarly, there are times when scientific consensus is simply wrong. Is the man who rejects the inherent inferiority of the [Sub-saharan Afrikan] race because of their skull shape and “thick skin” delusional? We today would collectively say no. For a man in the early 19th century, this would have been scientific consensus even if now we should find such a thought abhorrent. Was he then delusional? (Though some people did try to justify slaves escaping as a mental health condition Drapetomania, and historical terms like madness are often connected to modern terms like delusion and psychosis). I think often modern humans can create an almost religion out of science and progress and belief in their own rationalism - that not only is there absolute objective truth, but they can and do know it all in this particular moment, and that the society they exist within does not effect an impact on their view.

It is important to understand that delusion has a fairly specific definition and caveat when talking in a medical definition. That important caveat is that the belief conflicts, or is not standard, within their culture or subculture. Not only that, the belief must be very fixed and firmly set which does not respond/change to the presence of outside evidence. This cultural context is an important factor in the diagnostic criteria for delusions, as well as dissociative disorders like OSDD and DID (it may well be important for other conditions diagnostic criteria as well though I lack experience to speak on that topic).

Delusions -are- very much socially defined. I make the joke often that a rich man hears the voice of God he runs for office, I hear the voice of a spirit and need to be on antipsychotics. There are a number of examples namely in SEA where the experience of transforming into another animal would be considered entirely within the range of normal possibility (though notably with tigers primarily). There are also cultures and practices in which physical transformation is not considered delusion but a normal part of ritual notably among the Xan peoples. Among some Siberian cultures as part of hunting some will take essentially the mind of a wolf. In South Asia there are also recorded practices in which a person’s soul is bonded to and moved to an animal’s body in the night. Most people those reading this might encounter day to day would think these are surely delusions, but for those people, it is just a normal part of life and culture.

Most people here would collectively agree that therianthropy is not a delusion, however from outside the community many easily could argue it. You -are- human, you can look at your body and it and see that it -is- human. If you argue for past lives, there exists no evidence supporting that and no evidence supporting the existence of spirit or plausible explanation beyond hallucination despite many attempts to measure their existence. Nor do you have the instincts of that animal because you are clearly a human, and any "instincts" you might have are phantoms of the mind or attaching to a certain animal as a way to manage your life. However neither of these explanations would be acceptable nor would they convince you that you are wholly and entirely human.

Similarly with transgender identity, people here would collectively agree that is not a delusion. But 60 years ago? Or among transphobes? You are experiencing a delusion. You are obviously a wo/man, and no amount of hormones, [presentation], or [surgery] will change that. We would all collectively say fuck that shit, but you know who agrees under certain circumstances? WPATH in their Standards of Care directly notes among certain conditions of transgender identity as delusion (or at least in their old SOC before informed consent became common). It is common for people with schizo-spectrum disorders and higher level structural dissociative disorders to be denied care, or to face significant pushback. But this can also be true for all sorts of other “less serious” conditions such as austime, adhd, depression etc. This is something I have faced, and who knows how many others have faced it as well.

But what a delusion is very much defined by perspective and culture. It is easy when sitting on the "non-delusional" side of a cultural belief, to believe the order of things is logical. However, when I must construct materialist explanations of experiences, a task for which I am forced as part of double bookkeeping, the differences between my "delusional" experiences, and others "nondelusional" experiences especially in regards to therianthropy is one of degree, not of kind. Do not make the mistake to think that in other scenarios, other cultures, your experiences may be seen as delusions, and in other places, mine as natural and grounded in reality.

My experience as a clinical zoanthrope has left me often feeling quite divorced from the community, that I am separate, unwelcome, or an interloper in what is supposed to be my own community. I have been in the community for a while, but only at certain points felt comfortable to really call myself therian, a feeling which is again waning. There is a strong push constantly against physical identity. Even the most (in)famous phrase in wider culture about therians is the “on all levels except physical I am a wolf”. However this pushback against physical identities, especially from the concerns over P-shifter cults and abuses, created an environment that for me to be tolerated, I would have to constantly “show insight” or really reality check myself, and ensure all the others there knew that I knew my experience was not real and was not like their experiences were (that theirs were real and different). I still often have to do the dance describing my experiences, and even in the terms I use for myself as a clinical zoanthrope is indirectly that same dance.

The therian community often prides itself on how accepting it is. Though to be honest, I really have to question if this is the case. I have always felt unwelcome by the broader community. But so have very many others. It always strikes me that whenever I really share my experiences, how many others really relate to that feeling of not feeling wholly secure or belonging within the community. My orca friend, Ike, has talked quite a lot how they simply did not join the community for so long for feeling unwelcome. Sharing my experiences on a discord server a few weeks ago I learned another member was also a zoanthrope but had never shared it for fear of ostracization. A number of others expressed sentiments of feeling not total included, some for shift strengths, some for things like sexuality, theriomythics often get excluded, etc. Heck, by some accounts even the transition to the term Therian away from Were was an effort to include more people besides just shapeshifters.

Really when you think about it, it is not surprising so many people feel excluded in various ways. Therians have all these lines that you have to sit inside of and not cross to be acceptable to the community. But when you try to actually measure those lines many are not only extremely blurry, but vary person to person. Indeed my own experience is that there are people that do accept me, even if the wider community does not, and that is really the only reason I stayed.

The community has historically for instance a pretty hard stance on delusion and hallucination. The question though is, when does a shift move from being a socially acceptable phantom shift, to an unacceptable hallucination. For me in particular, my sensation of shift goes through a fairly long process of getting more and more intense, but it is also really a quite smooth process. It is like following a colour line, when does ‘blue’ truly begin? The first sensation is often a slight tickling, and very light phantom touch that you can sort of see through the feeling on your body. Beyond that the sensation gets more intense and becomes bothered from having things push against or intersect it. Further it begins to have not only form but colour and texture, but still if I look at the limb I cannot see it, I still see a human limb, though I do not expect it. Further the visual appearance comes in more and more until eventually my human parts are gone, transformed into animal parts I can see and I can touch. When we write it out like this it is pretty separately defined, but in the process this occurs for me, it is very smooth.

After enough quantitative change, there is a qualitative change, but where and when that occurs is hard to say. I think the first two experiences are very common among therians. I think the third experience is also fairly common but that starts to get more and more into the blurry lines, and if you cannot see where that line is you are likely to downplay your own experiences for fear if you say too much, you will be excised or ostracised from the community. But this fear also has the doubly cruel aspect that you can never really know where that line is because many people downplay their experiences to make them palatable, and so though many others might share in these experiences, people simply do not speak of them because they only see either extreme being shared, the particularly minor shifts being accepted, or the extreme shifts being sorted into delusions. I think it creates a false binary from a spectrum of experiences.

So many of these blurry lines exist though. What age can you be taken seriously? What platform do you use? How many kintypes is too many? Theriotypes being too common? Theriotypes being too rare? Are paleotherians acceptable? Are theriomythics acceptable? Can a dragon be a therian? Can an otherlinker or copinglinker have their identity so long it becomes therian? Are beastly animals from fictional settings acceptable or should they be with fictionkind? What sort of sexual and romantic expression is allowable? Is transspecies an acceptable identity? Some of these are blurry, some of them are clear, but they all wiggle around in different ways of some people will find them acceptable and some not. This leads to people self-censoring to the safe answers that they know are acceptable and prevents them really exploring their own identities, but also these questions within the community as it learns and grows and becomes more inclusive. In a certain irony, therianthropes as a community, are actually quite demanding in their conformity while preaching of their acceptance.

There has been a significant push in recent years to give greater levels of inclusion to therians with both delusional identities and physical identities. People are generally more accepting of zoanthropes and at points I have felt comfortable even to call myself therian and not just a member of the community. But there are also a number of additional terms, namely endel and holothere, which cover these experiences. However, something I note often when people talk why I as a clinical zoanthrope can be acceptable, while P-shifters and at times holotheres cannot, still comes down to that I acknowledge my experience as delusion. When I read the experiences of at least some p-shifters and holotheres, often the difference really is not so great, I often see their experiences mimicking or mirroring my own. I do use the word clinical zoanthropy, which on some level does indicate an understanding I know that at least others see my experiences as not real. This is a pretty common feeling among zoanthropes, we use this word, we know the humans think our experiences are not real, but they are incredibly real to us.

The question then is what should be done with us? There is a lot of comment that allowing us in the community to share our experiences or not reality checking people is encouraging delusion. People also say that delusions are harmful and that we should seek medical help. There are quite a few people who even wish to excise or isolate those who are anti-psychiatry and anti-recovery from the community.

If I am forced to analyse my experiences through a materialist and distant lens, it is quite clear my experiences are heavily rooted in delusion. I am a scientist, and there is no means under current knowledge to explain what I experience except hallucination - still I believe it fully. My knowing this is the only logical explanation does not lead me to believe it, to truly believe it inside. I mentioned before I had to give up on projects I did really enjoy because forcing myself to continuously deny my experiences and continuously reality check myself, brought to me very much distress. There are times I have wanted to be reality checked, but for vast part that is the remainder it is really distressing. It is distressing to be told a core part of your identity is not real, to be told the you that exists isn’t the real you, and sometimes see people mourning the “sane you”. Individuals in the community are not going to solve my “delusion” by reality checking myself or others.

Nor will them blocking me from the community or ensuring I do the dance for them encourage my “delusions” away. Delusions are heavily fixed experiences, and though you can encourage them in certain ways (think the example of people making “in your walls” jokes at schizophrenics), us talking about and sharing our experiences with each other and in our own community helps us feel understood and a sense of belonging. There are so few of us to start with, and the community closest to us either often disallows us, or makes us sit at the edge never really able to join. All banning us does is further isolate us, and for many delusions reinforces that we will never be acceptable or tolerable to others and it is best we are alone so we don’t hurt others with our presence.

I cannot speak on every person’s delusions, but I can speak on my own. For the question of if delusions are harmful, I think it often asks the wrong question. Who is it harmful to? Under what framework? Who thinks it is harmful? What does the patient want? I think one could say that my delusions of turning into a whale do harm me. I have trouble to interact with humans, I cannot work a full time job, I struggle in relationships, many nights I lay on the couch stuck for hours simply unable to move. These are all pretty negative things no? But it fails to ask why are these things harmful? A doctor looks through a very human framework and sees that I cannot do the human things and sees that I must have a poor quality of life and these delusions need to be addressed. But I am a whale and it is a core part of me, these things can be distressing, but whales cannot interact with humans the same way two humans would, work a full time job, have relationships with humans, and if you stuck them on a couch they would also not be able to move. This all is distressing and perhaps harmful, but then what other option is there? What the humans offer to me as solution is far worse.

I am anti-recovery, at least for myself. I think it is important to ask what does recovery look like? For me recovery would be to return to the water where I belong. But the humans would certainly say otherwise. For them recovery would look like fitting into and functioning within human society - having a job, a house, a car, a husband, kids, going on holiday, etc. I am not a human and I do not wish to be a human and live among them. However what is worse is how the humans would go about fixing that. I have been locked in hospitals, I have been strapped down, I have been sedated, I have been put on horrible meds that destroyed things I cared about and have often left me a shell of a person (there is a reason they were marketed as a chemical lobotomy). Some things I have gotten better in over time, and I can hold a job for the moment, even quite technical and difficult jobs.

However, the damage done to me from the humans was severe. Although I can talk about being a whale as delusion, the why is really far more impactful and distressing in my life. I was taken from the water, turned human, and am a useful thing for the humans. This understanding of myself as merely a tool and something the humans can do whatever they want with me is the real distressing aspect of my life. For me, the ‘help’ I received at the hospital only strengthened and set this delusion in so much firmer. I can look back at certain experiences, I can see the humans don’t have the technology to do what they did to me, but then I also have those years in the hospital, those years where everything was very apparent and clear and something that others can confirm and it seems to only further make plausible the experiences of the past, and those in the present the fear for what the humans will do to me. I know that I am deteriorating, I am struggling more and more, but nothing the humans offer me will make things better, they will only hurt me more, and if I ask for help, and reject it, they will only see it as proof I need the help more and force it onto me, which will only further reinforce that delusion.

If someone wishes to see a doctor and talk about therian things, I do often warn them of caution for what happened to myself and I do not want others hurt that way. I also urge them to think about what they want as the outcome from that discussion or what they hope will happen. A lot of mentally ill people have been hurt by doctors who thought they knew best, and once something is said, it cannot be undone. However, in the end they are free to decide what they will, and are free to navigate the medical system if they think it will benefit them.

For myself, I struggle to believe that doctors would really help me and instead work to help myself and my cetacean friends so that maybe someday we could swim again and swim forever. That we can fix ourselves and heal. That in time the deep scars across our bodies might start to fade and look like the scars of other captive cetaceans. That instead of surviving merely trying to please the humans to not be hurt, that we might actually -live- and have the life we were denied.

We are still people with agency, agency to choose our own path, to choose what brings us joy, to decide what we want from life, and from our healthcare. Or at least we should be granted that agency. We should not be excluded from the community or forced to dance around our experiences as not real for the comfort of others who happen to lie on the other side of the sane-delusional line, afterall the positioning of that line is very arbitrary and could easily swing to find yourself on my side of that line.

~ Kala

[msuic-lovr]

*clicks on an interesting drama video* ”this person is a psychopath/sociopath/psychotic/narcissist/delusional!”

*sighs*

*clicks off the video*

[mewos-laptop]

Anyways, unfriendly reminder that even IF someone is experiencing delusions, it's none of your fucking business because you're a stranger on the internet and not anyone who is going to be able to help them even if that was your motivation in the first place

ALSO. Not all delusions are harmful or WORTH CORRECTING. Therapists just straight up leave some delusions alone because *they aren't causing the person experiencing them any distress, nor harming anyone around them*

Do not act like you care about folks with delusions when you ACTIVELY make their delusions WORSE by pulling the disgusting shit some of you fuckers do

[purple-space-aliens]

this is a long post (hence why it’s under a cut), but i want to preface this by saying i am not downplaying the experiences of anyone who has been in a p-shifter cult. that is a real experience and i can understand that. however it is mot a reason nor a weapon to use for reality checking random stranger on the internet whom you have never met. i am sick of seeing posts that reality check us and other for existing, so i’d like to talk about why to not do that

trigger warnings for talk of delusions and reality checking

very very blunt reminder that it is never your business to reality check anyone, ever. for starters, not all delusions are harmful, and it’s closed minded to think that way. not everything is just good or just bad. for some, these delusions can improve their lives, even if its not the common reality. would reality checking this do any positive things for the individual with said non harmful delusions? no. it would only tell them that you don’t care enough about their life or perspective to respect it

on the other paw, while there are bad and harmful delusions, you should not reality check these individuals either, especially if you don’t know them (reality checking should only be done if you have the consent of the one with delusions. that is the only circumstance in which it is okay). you are not “saving” anyone by doing so, and it can do more harm than good. by reality checking someone with harmful delusions, you are essentially telling them that you do not believe their cause of distress and you are effectively putting down problems that are very real to them for no reason. it is better to help them while still acknowledging their delusion as something that is very real for them, rather than pretending they can’t be hurt by it

lastly, reality checking fucking hurts. it confuses the mind a lot. being told that something very real to you isn’t real does not fix the problem, it only makes it more complex. it is difficult and confusing to keep up with both the very real feelings of your own beliefs and the fact that it isn’t real for anyone else. its distressing to know you’re surrounded by people who want to tell you its not real, but won’t raise a finger to actually help you with it

so think of it this way. how you would feel if someone told you that a core part of your reality isn’t real and that its hurting you, and before you know it they’re you behind in the dust to pick up the pieces and put them where they’re supposed to go for any ordinary individual without any sort of instructions whatsoever. you wouldn’t like it, so don’t do it to someone else. we’ve had experience with this before, so i’m speaking from past experiences. reality checking can ruin someone, so don’t do it

side note of yes you can reblog this if you’d like, and it would be nice if you could, but of course never feel obligated to reblog anything /gen

[psychotic-system-culture-is]

Psychotic System Culture is...

A psychosis symptom holder fronting for the first time since being put on anti-psychotics and feeling so so strange...

[gor3sigil]

I have to share a story about why I HATE the term "trauma dumping".

So basically, we were at my at the time partner's house with friends of them and we were talking about mental health.

I don't remember exactly how we came to this but one woman started talking about psychosis and her sister who is schizophrenic.

She had a lot of preconception about this and, while I am not schizophrenic, I dealt with psychosis and hallucinations.

So I started to talk about my experiences with that, stating AGAIN that I wasn't schizophrenic but I thought it was an interesting point of view.

Some other people started asking questions so I answered them, asking here and there if it was okay for me to talk about it, and nobody, INCLUDING the woman who started the conversation in the first place, said anything.

And at one point I saw she was uncomfortable and asked her if she'd rather drop the subject.

And then, she BLEW UP on me saying that I was trauma dumping, that she felt like she was partaking in a conversation she NEVER ASKED to partake in (again, she was the one who brought up the subject), that I was being insensitive and over sharing shit and that she didn't like it.

Like, bitch, I asked a bunch of time if it was okay, you were the one talking about these symptoms without even living it and trying to teach people some crappy over the counter shit, but now that she wasn't the Main Character with the Knowledge it became an issue and I was the problem.

I know that I'm open about my experiences and tend to talk about it but I ALWAYS make sure that people on the other end are okay with me sharing this. This was just utter bullshit.

And online or IRL, I just noticed that the term "trauma dumping" is just the easy way out of a conversation that makes you feel uncomfortable while putting the blame on the person doing it.

You can absolutely put boundaries, but don't you dare guilt someone just to avoid being seen as an asshole and make yourself clean of anything. It's healthy to state that you are uncomfortable talking about things, but you can do so without making up shit about others.

[delusi0nalraik0]

is it really love if you don't want them tied up in your basement?

[system-hottakes]

Thoes weird irls i see on tiktok always make us cringe. THEY STEAL PLURALITY TERMS?? and also fall into their delusions of pretending to be a character (not a alter) if they were a sys it would be fine!! But thoes people wre not and just falling into their delusions. They are horrible and also ruin our community as well.

yeah.. I don't blame people for having delusions but expecting others to 1. Feed into it (which is both harmful to you and potentially to the other person if they also have delusions) and 2. Let you into fictive communities is stupid. Fair enough if you're a system or fictive with delusions, but as a singlet you should not be using system terms. You aren't a fictive, you do not have a source. You have delusions. Stop trying to get into our communities

((again not mad at people with delusions, I don't blame them for that but stop stealing system terms and stop calling fictives doubles. They aren't you.))

[inkyu]

Do you have any old art or comics you gave up on?

I have been given the power to go on a super yap... :happy: :happy: :happy:

I have a lot of stories I gave up on because I had too many (20 if I recall right), but the ones I've kept/survived from my middle school story purge were Two Over A Kind, and Shadow Killed. However I have other stories that came after those two after I entered high school such as Mandela's Requiem, Backyard Thursday, Never So Norm, Collidests, and Rose Burnt, (yes I have a lot of stories, but they're not lore heavy so they might seem short/fast)

Although the only official rendition of a comic out right now would be Mandela's Requiem but I want to re-draw it in a different format similar to my ask blog @ask-the-druggieverse and what Homestuck uses because it's easier and I can gather all the images I draw and upload it YouTube for people to read

As for old art? oh geez I have a LOT of old art....

I'll put it under a read more and separate them by year U_U

Also blood warning (gore maybe too? not sure what to label it-) and huge and tiny spoilers for Mandela's requiem!!! (I just felt very proud of those drawings and I also can't help myself but show the future plans I have for MR's story!!) (and also characters that will appear in MR's epilogues!)

Part 2 Post

(Also if you see this in a fandom tag I.E Undertale, The Last Dimension.... Dream SMP. (neutral) then that's why (This was back in 2020 and I was still in 7th-8th grade at this time (I'm a senior right now) so don't judge me(I only drew beeduo and Michael so don't worry it's not those creature (IYKYK)))

(And no, I don't plan on drawing any DSMP in the near future, maybe if requested and the person isn't problematic (I.E Ranboo, Tubbo etc etc) however for the problomatic ones they will get heavy re-design/name change so they don't resemble their og character/persona to seperate the two more because I don't like looking at them knowing what they did. (Especially C!Wilbur, I view him looking different/being named something else)) (sorry if I keep yapping about this I know people hate the DSMP so much and I don't want to get attacked again (I've been attacked before in the past for liking it back in 2021-2022 on my old TT account (deactivated, my current TT account is dead and I never want to return to TT again.) so just mentioning DSMP on my main blog scares me a bit I hope you understand!))

2025 (Hey!! this Year!! :D)

some of these you've seen I'm guessing, I haven't drawn a lot of stuff yet but it's still the first month of 2025 ^w^, as for the first image It's still a W.I.P as there's other batches I need to complete! (If you wanna see them feel free to ask) I'm also gonna change it so that Cream is the son of Nicecream guy because when designing Cream I had the intentions of him being an OC and not an AU, Nicecream guy legit had 0 part to play when making him

Same goes for Hamburg, Calliope, and Basil as they're based of existing OC's mainly and not undertale OC's when they were supposed to (crazy)

Image Order:

1st: Fiddletale mini batch No.3

2nd: A Backyard Thursday trio!

3rd: Consent!Sans

4th: An ATDV Panel

5th: Someone needed help drawing beards so I made a ref to help U_U

2024

None of these I bet anyone has seen unless they're in discord servers I'm in

Anywhos, these are mostly oc's and 1 MAU I've talked about before (slice of pie verse)

Image Order

1st: My first drawing of 2024!! it's for my my OC story "Never So Norm" I was trying to find a design for Aliza AKA Ty's mom!, I'm gonna re-deisgn her again later because I don't see her as skinny anymore but a little more chubby U_U

2nd: Mandela's Requiem's epilogue characters! for any creepypasta fans out there yes... MR is like super/heavily inspired off of CRP characters, plus Ben Drowned was free game sense no one owned him (Nintendo technically own's this character legally but hey, fuck it we ball), and as for Casey I think you can guess who she's a walmart version of (Rina is completely original, I only added the "the killer" part cuz I thought it would be silly)

3rd: Backyard Thursday god silhouette list! I haven't fully drawn them out and needed some silhouette's to see how they would all look like!

4th: Mandela's Requiem epilogue Chester character sheet! I haven't touched this specific character sheet in a LONG time and need to come back to it as this story is one of the very few stories that has a small cast of characters to work on!!

5th: Slice Of Pieverse unified!Nightmare hehe ^w^ tiny spoilers: In SOPV fusion is a thing after the calamity happened (it's a split timeline of Underverse where Bill!Sans is a bit more important) although this isn't a "fusion" form, families (either blood related or adopted) don't fuse, they unify (essentially they can use each others abilities/their abilities become stronger)

2023 (oh geez, the in-between era of my old and current style..)

All of these are oc's (that includes the DGRP oc)

Image Order

1st: MY SILLIES FROM TWO OVER A KIND!!! ILY GUYS SMMM The main character isn't there but eh, these were re-designs ish as some of them changed from being half-vampire to full human (Duke & Jackey) and some just needed color palate changes or design changes (David & Luu)

2nd: I think my 3rd or 5th attempt at lineless? I don't know but I remember struggling a lot to do lineless so I just kinda just gave up, but hey! Look at me now! I really love lineless art now!!

3rd: My Danganronpa OC Yaku Unmei (or just Unmei) for a cancelled DGRP roleplay (I do not support the creator of the old roleplay. She intentionally or not has groomed minors into being desensitized to NSFW (I was already desensitized to it from the past but it's still fucked up) and wrote proship stuff.(I don't fucking care if it was for "accuracy" that shit was clearly a fetish. I can't believe your friends made me think for a second you weren't a groomer all because you have autism that's fucking insane.)) On a different note because I'm still not over that whole situation and person. (trauma response sorry) Unmei while being the ultimate unlucky student is one of the survivors of the killing game! If it was still ongoing... now she's just a DGRP OC that I might implement into one of my main stories

4th: More Never So Norm doodles! This time of beta-Terezi and Samy interacting! not too proud of how I drew Samy but hey... this is the inbetween era... :3

5th: Our lord and savior Jake Murdalinn who's also from Never So Norm, I love you Jake Murdalinn, my favorite ghost hunter and SFX crew guy

2022 (oh man the nostalgia is kicking in guys) (this folder and before it are so disorganized I cannot tell you which drawing I did after my first one in order U_U)

Oh geez... t h a t e r a... the era where I would just create create create and procrastinate a lot, I'm thankful for all of the characters that came out of it though

Image Order

1st: my Frist drawing of 2022, aka my OC 0-Riguren or Origuren (twas my mash mash words = name era as well), he's from TOAK (and needs a HEAVY re-design and STAT.)

2nd: Fanart of Phillip from the last dimension on webtoon! Also tiny fun fact! Phillip was the other inspiration for my OC Danny (I haven't drawn him yet but I have an idea) (Although the main inspiration was yet again, Karkat Vantas (Homestuck is one of my special interests so I have a lot of stuff inspired from Homestuck))

3rd: a TOAK height chart line up, and my second time trying to make one! my first time was.... augh... heavy note on making a height chart, there are going to be a lot of characters being similar in height and there's no need to worry about that (I worried about it my first time around...)

4th: Ah yes, Fiddletale... and.... Bartertale. (NOTE: Barter is no longer a sans or an AU, he's just an OC that's in BT along with Fiddle(long story but after Fiddletale ends It's no longer an AU however people can still claim it as an AU IDC bc everyone's gonna get re-designs for BT so essentially they're separate characters in a way)), some changes between Bartertale!Barter and Backyard Thursday!Barter: AU: Cis Man, A Sans, Skeleton, Out!Code BT: Trans Man, Half-Human Half-Skeleton no undertale involved, just a regular citizen trapped in a country in a forever winter Also Fiddle and Barter are husbands in BT <3

5th: The very first drawing I've done for Collideists... Also fun fact: This story would have never been made if I never joined an event in a discord server I'm in where everyone was making these species called "Shadow Creatures" I chipped in and created a "Light Creature" concept and things went on from there

2021 (OH HELL NAW JIGSAW GO BACK GO BAAACK :sob: :pray:)

Do you SEE how different my style was back in 2021!? oh lord... I'm like- super proud of my development... heh...

Image Order

1st: Amari Feng, She's from my given up story called "A Fantasized Beginning", I gave up on this story because I had too many stories and this one just had too much stuff going on (In short: It's basically RWBY and MHA mixed into one, kids go to school to become pro-hero's in outer-space because an evil group known as "the dark entropy" were colonizing/taking over planets and the heros had no idea how they kept doing it, and then BOOM!!! PLOT FUCKING TWIST!!! the number 1 pro-hero was the one conducting the evil groups plans all along and the hero get's stopepd by the MC's, although the colonizing and taking over doesn't stop as more villains pop up and hero's continue being hero's but this time the hero's have a easier time saving everyone) I made this story when I was in middle school along with many others, although after I did my story purge the only two stories that survived were Shadow Killed and Two Over A Kind (TOAK had a massive story overhaul and is not like it's OG plotline) I don't have plans to go back to this story, however I might if I complete all of my stories before I die, which I'm sure I will because I'm shortening a lot of them, and if I do I will DEF shorten AFB by a lot because middle school me planned like 16 something seasons (jesus.) (Also Amari was not the MC but an antagonist that later becomes an MC and was heavily inspired off of Himiko Toga(Can you tell?))

2nd: Heh... My first attempt at lineless art.... This is also back when Blipthyn was blue and was named Blueprint, I do not like TOAK's 5th rendition of a story as I was going through a hard time and heavily trauma dumped the shit out of that specific rendition of TOAK and just scrapped a lot of it, only a few things I liked survived in the current 6th? 7th? version of the story and I plan to keep it that way unless it becomes too long in my eyes

3rd: THE CTT!!! CHAOS TIME TRIO!!! Also my fist art/was around the time I met my friends Keter and Geno in the lunime discord server! we all loved undertale at this time and formed this group, a lot of things changed about each character so these are their old/beta designs, however this piece still has a place in my heart because of how special it is to me :hearts:

4th: I'm gonna be for real with you I have no fucking clue who this was for These aren't my characters nor do I remember the person who created these OC's, I do know I was very proud of this drawing because I made the other person super happy, I just dunno who it was so if by any chance you're the creator of these characters hi!!! :3

5th: Heh... Hello Swap <3 ILY <3

????-2020 (I don't know if all of this art was from 2020, all I know is that I shoved a bunch of art in this folder because I didn't wanna loose it XP) (also this only has 4 because I reached the 30 image limit so I will make a part 2 of my yap session U_U)

HEAVY NOTE: I do not support the problematic creators of the DSMP. I am a firm believer in separating the art from artist(s) to an extent. If both the art and Artist are problematic they can't be separated (I.E TCOAAL(I hate this game and creator.))

I do not support Dream, Wilbur Soot, ETC ETC, Even though I don't talk about the DSMP on this blog often I will refer to the roleplay characters with different names to help further separate the RP characters and person I.E: Wilbur: Wynter(Or Winter)(Sorry but ever sense the Shelby stuff my brain magically imagined a different guy in C!Wilbur's place)(i'm being so fucking fr rn, every time someone mentions C!Wilbur I think of someone different same goes for the others too), Dream: Delusion and Ambition(For DreamXD), George: Cogs ETC ETC (In fact I encourage anyone still in the DSMP fandom to do the same cuz Dream is getting a little too close to his DSMP character rn...)

Image Order

1st: Laim! he's also from another cancelled story called 12-15-22-5, or also known as 12-15-22-5 Project: Life this story was a romance between a resurrected angel heading and a human, the resurrected angel's goal from the company he was revived from was to find a way to break someone's heart/love to the point of dying so that they could kill a god (for some reason?? my middle school self never really specified why) However things backfire as the resurrected Angel falls in love with the love interest (heh... not straight BTW...) and other resurrected angels are sent after him and his friends because it'll "sabotage" their plan, I never planned an ending for this story but I do remember that this story was inspired off of HXH and Four Leaf on webtoon

2nd: I'm gonna be so fr I don't know why I made this character (his name is Phrog)

3rd: Ian and Damien's first ever design <33 And also Shadow Killed's first ever concept art! their designs have been changed by now so yeah :(, in fact this art was made back when I was beginning to feel happy again, although that died out because Middle School was super rough for me.

4th: Ah yes.... DSMP.... Beeduo.... and... MICHEAL!!! (This was back when the DSMP was at it's prime from my knowledge... augh...) I'm gonna so fr with you I never saw Michael (Beeduo's adopted child) as white I'm so sorry, I always viewed Michael as black I don't know why I did I just did XP, no hate to anyone who views Michael as white, I just never saw it myself This isn't ship art btw. You will be blocked if tagged as ship. (Not Threatening/Serious)

Part 2 Soon (Mainly for the comics because I reached the photo limit and I wanna show some old comic panels now :( )

[wilbur-of-the-coven]

fuck you

To the anti-endo who suicide baited us, sincerely, fuck you, I hope you never find peace in life.

because of your inability to simply co-exist my girlfriend had to be pulled out of front and she coughed hundreds of flowers- she’s *comatose* right now, we had to create a GODDAMN hospital to put her on anesthesia so she’d stop coughing up blood and flowers.

Sincerly fuck you so much. You claim you’re defending trauma victims, but guess what? You just traumatized me but all my headmates!

Because you simply couldn’t co-exist with a non purely traumagenic system you decided to tell them to kill themselves?

That is not fucking okay! Alright? It is never okay to tell anyone to kill themselves! No matter what they’ve done.

which in our case? Was absolutely nothing! We simply made a fucking notes post and you thought it was soooooo hilarious if you asked how many notes it’d take to commit suicide!

No! No! It’s fucking not! You have no goddamn shame in your body! Because guess what?

You just told a minor- 3 minors, 1 young adult, 1 adult, A FOUR YEAR OLD, and an age less being to kill themselves! Oh! And we’re bodily a minor too if we forgot to goddamn mention! So even if we were “faking” you still told a minor to kill themselves!

it’s not funny and will never be funny to suicide bate someone. My girlfriend who was the one fronting btw suffers from such strong delusions oh hanahaki that the headspace made it real there.

if our ONLY TWO adults hadn’t been awake and able to pull her from front- which btw 2 other of our headmates had to help with- did I mention the 4 year old was there too?- then she would’ve started to have a coughing fit in real life.

sincerely, *sincerly*, fuck you, we’re not christian but god has a specially low pit of hell for suicide baiters like you.

[vamp-luvr999]

Going to a funeral for a distant family member today.

I feel selfish but I can’t help but be envious. How can she get buried and have people come to her funeral and DIE properly…

And yet I sit here. Dead but alive. No funeral. No being buried. And people still expect me to do what they want…

Why can’t I just be what I want?

[doombum]

Can we hear your scooped Mikey head cannons?? Or just head cannons in general

I love scooped Mikey, he's my favorite Mikey

He had a very hard time while Ennard was controlling him because he was conscious for most of it, kind of going in and out of consciousness because of the sheer pain

I feel he'll have a lot of new triggers from the experience, main ones would be relating to touch: he can't directly touch metal and needs to wear gloves to do so, and he'll go into panic mode if someone touches him unexpectedly

He also has delusional episodes when he hears the Funtimes arguing in his head or feel Ennard move inside his body even though they left a long time ago

He doesn't have any organs anymore, so he can't eat drink or breath

He has to redo the stitches on his chest and face every couple of weeks because the wounds never healed and stay open no matter what he does

It's hard to move in general, but even more in winter because his joints become very stiff. As a result, despite not being able to feel cold, he has to be very covered in winter to not end up freezing and being unable to move anymore

He isn't rotting more than he already has, the remnant in his body is keeping him stuck in the state he is in. He is not getting any better, but at least he's not decomposing even more

He was terrified of going home after waking up on that pavement, scared that Jeremy would be afraid of him and finally have enough of him and the horrors he drags with him. But Jeremy was having none of that and was fully ready to support him and help him through his new undead situation the same way Mike helped him after the bite of 87.

Intimacy was very hard to get accustomed to again. The memory of feeling Ennard inside his body made him very wary of touch and it took him a long time for Mike to let Jeremy touch and hold him comfortably.

[skinnynsourrvi]

✯ ANA AFFIRMATIONS✯

October 16, 2024

♡ If it's not hurting, it's not working

♡ Your muscles should be sore and aching, if you're doing it right

♡ Your stomach should be growling and you should be 🌟ving, if you're doing it right

♡ You should feel you're dying, or else it's not working

♡ Skinny isn't easy

♡ Skinny people aren't quitters

♡ Skinny takes hard work and self control

♡ You want to be skinny? Stop taking it the easy way

♡ Don't give into the hunger