#tw vent ish?

[prognosis-undiagnosable]

Long Ramble Post

I am so confusion. I tentatively made a friend in university last semester. I think we might have to just be arms length casual friends. I don't know maybe it's just because they were high? But they like doubled down about it as in they repeated saying that it was a red flag. Context I told them I make it fun out of lying to my parents.

I mean if I have to lie for my own safety why not make some fun out of it?

I don't know they repeated it was a red flag like 3 times even though earlier in our video call they literally brainstorming/thinking out loud about what to say to their father about accidentally tipping too high.

They also made some weirdgiest comments here and there. One about trying to make a relation about me talking about feeling like an imposter about being Asian because I'm a interracial adoptee. Saying how it's like them being white LGBTQ+ and being friends with a lot of POC LGBTQ+ friends or something. I think they were trying to empathic and just went the wrong way about it, but ehh.

In that same call they were poking fun at how I "uh-hm" in like acknowledgement of what they were talking about/show them that I'm listening. Which I was completely fine with, but then when I poked fun at them for saying their catchphrase "lock in" they were confused because they know that I know it's their catchphase and they say it all the time.

I don't know I'm being really nit picky I think and making a huge deal about everything, but like I don't know. I don't want to get too far being friends with them if they turn out to not be a mostly good friend?

TL;DR

Thinking about distancing a new-ish friend for lowkey being a hypocrite and saying it's a red flag to lie to your parents.

Verdict: Currently to keeping them off Close Friends on Instagram (our main form of communication). And trying to find a friend for a second opinion.

[baileyboo2016]

why do i feel like my dads bitchass mother is gonna outlive all the other grandparents-

[stargirlanthem]

every day, i feel less and less real ✶⋆.˚

[antikr1sta]

(tw sh/blood/vent art) "i hate it here, i hate the smell and fluorescent lights, but most of all I hate you", he utters, gazing at his own face in the reflection of a dirty mirror; as both are only hanging on by a thread.

blood/injury tw ↓

..yeah.. i really really hate it here

[al-luviec]

vito

[stahr-critter]

different

[b0mb-sh3ll]

was going thru the feels last night and the universe took it too literally 😭😭😭😭

drawn legit FOUR (4) hours apart.................

[weirdcoregal35]

“The Stars Are Beautiful Tonight, Aren’t They?”

The two sillies!! I even wrote out some dialogue for them in this situation. Orange is for RF Solar and pink is for RF Sakura.

Oh, TW FOR $UICIDE TALK, MENTIONS OF ALCOHOL, AND A GUN. You have been warned!!

So, Solar…

Yeah?

…I’ve always wondered…why do you keep a gun in your drawer?

Well, for obvious reasons. Defense and safety.

Is that it?

…No…

What else is there?

Well, I keep a gun in my drawer just in case…I would ever want to end it.

…O-oh. Oh, you’re actually serious??

Yeah. Yeah, I am.

Oh…well, I’ve noticed these beers too. You’ve kept them in your office too.

Yeah. It was supposed to be my last six case before I pull the trigger.

Oh…my goodness…

…

Well? Nothing to say?

What do you mean?

You’re quiet now. I honestly expected you to ask more questions.

I would, but it’s just surprising that you of all people have a …”backup plan”

Yeah, well now you know. You’re technically the first person I’ve ever told how I’ve ACTUALLY felt like in a while. So, don’t be afraid to ask anything else.

It’s just a lot to take it. It’s honestly a little selfish of you.

What??

Yeah! I mean, if you were to do that, what would the others think?? What about your family??

…They would’ve been fine without me. I mean, they would still have each other.

Exactly! Have each other WITHOUT YOU!! And what about KC? Solar Flare?? The BM twins?! WHAT ABOUT ME?!

…

Listen, Solar, I know it sounds like I shouldn’t be saying this kind of stuff. But you have people who care about you. And you shouldn’t have to hide this from anyone. Like me. You can talk to me especially. Cause I love ya!!

…Huh…

Not in a “hey, let’s make out” sort of way. I love you as someone I can’t live without it. You’re special to me, Solar.

…Hehe…thanks, Sakura. That means a lot.

Dude, are you crying?

Wha-NO!!

Heh. So, do you want to go back inside or…?

Nah…let’s just look at the stars. By the way, thanks for this talk. Love ya too, Sakura.

Thanks, Solar.

⭐️~Hey, Olive here! Sorry this had to be so dark. And that it took so long. And this is kinda a vent too. And for those suffering right now, I just want you to know that you are loved and appreciated!!~⭐️

[leosh444]

"Omggg, I haven't eaten in two days, I have anorexia!!! Look, we're eating disorder besties!"

I worked out for literal hours until I was soaked in sweat, coughing and on the brink of fainting.

I can't stand up without seeing flashes of white in my vision.

My hands start to visibly shake whenever i have to eat dinner.

It's gotten to the point where my parents have to forcibly sit me down and force feed me.

I can nearly automatically count calories of most foods.

Thinking about food makes my stomach hurl.

I go on defeceit for literal days, and then binge, then purge.

I walk around with my whole body feeling light and dazed, and my legs heavy and tingling.

My whole body hurts.

I have literal meltdowns when I go over my calorie count.

I'm not allowed to leave the table for half an hour after dinner.

I refuse a plate bigger than my nine year old sisters.

I have screaming matches with my parents over how I need to eat. (Said parents caused this)

I stay up for hours doing workouts as quietly as possible in my room until i pass out.

I tried to cut the fat off my stomach.

I watch Mukbangs and look at photos of disgusting food to avoid eating.

WE ARE NOT THE SAME, TANNA FUCKING WILDE.

[prognosis-undiagnosable]

Lyrics I'm currently vibing to

Casual - Chappell Roan: "So now when we kiss, I have anger issues" & "you wonder why I'm bitter"

Wish You Were Sober - Conan Gray: "Save me 'till the party is over" & "But I'm over this rollercoaster" -

WILDFLOWER - Billie Eilish: "Well, good things don't last" & "know you didn’t mean to hurt me so I kept it to myself"

Young Life Crisis - UPSAHL: "Life's getting fatal, I think I want an out"

Manic Pixie Dream Girl - EASHA "you say that I’m acting different when I stop pretending"

Shut Me Up - Mindless Self Indulgence: "I don't find it funny right now (right now); I just want my ma-ma-ma-ma-ma money right now (now)"

Miss Nectarine - Ashnikko: "I'm the one who took the fall" & "(no one's got me but me)"

Touch - KATSEYE: "Over overthinking us" & "the moon makes you seem close tonight"

Coraline - Lyn Lapid: "I’m in the twilight zone and there ain’t no slippin’ away" & "hoping there’s more to this"

Good While It Lasted - Ashnikko: "All these immature emotions My eyes run like rivers" & "I blacked out, I don't remember at all" & "Now that I can think rationally, I feel so stupid"

Vertigo - hannah bahng: "I want to feel euphoric, but abandoned by mine" & "Hide me from my existence"

what never lived - hannah bahng: "you left your fingerprints on all those memories" & " seems like I never win the game for the higher bid"

I Wanna Be Yours - Arctic Monkeys: " Hold your hair in deep devotion (How deep?) At least as deep as the Pacific Ocean"

[morpheusdreamt]

So I lay myself down in the shape of a body

I live in the figurative

[sourtomatola]

Do you think if Eclipse came crawling back to Sun and Moon looking like this, they might've helped him?

Another star trapped Eclipse

[fadedlilrat]

I am human but I'm not. I'm a thing but I'm not.

I live in two worlds. Many worlds. Some feel true, some feel like concepts that I'll never fully reach.

No matter how much I reach my arm out for those worlds, I will never reach them.

But I have to keep reaching or else I'll get sucked into the others.

-Lucid/Lurid (he/she)

[stansavvy]

The amount of people misusing the word delusional is unbelievable to me

No, you are not delusional for wanting to do something slightly above average, you sound like you're having a little donut while going "I'm so bad"

Its all so silly fun and games until someone is actually delusional, in which case it's hilarious and they're a freak

[spooksforsammy]

My mind racing but also so quiet. Because so fucking much want say but idk why. Idk what say. It stuck but I want it out. It make my brain hurt. I feel physical mental pain with the thoughts stuck in my brain I want it out.

I want to talk to people. I want to get my thoughts out. I want my voice to match my thoughts I want them to actually know what I have to say. It hurts it fucking hurts. Shit I hate it I want a voice I want a voice so fucking bad

[cosmicperil]

I am scared.

my teacher just gave me a free condom- WHAT DOES THIS MEAN SOBBING.

I wanna go home- I feel so uncomfortable rn- why did my teacher have to do that. 😭

Update: He made us watch freaky stuff when we were supposed to be learning about plants and he gave me one more condom saying that "I could use it later"— whatever that means.