#cw selfhate

[antikr1sta]

(tw sh/blood/vent art, the text is just kinda angsty?) ...this isn't a place, where anyone should go. breathing hindered by pillowcases filled with mold. even the bugs on the walls are filled with ill will , as they burrow through skin, with no intent to kill. slowly...as though a freezing wind through rickety old windowpanes, it seeps, although a winter coat can't even warm up this frostbitten soul. so one remains shellshocked, unable to move, still, drowning in icy water. what comes to mind? a thought and a statement: being is a bother "i hate it here, i hate the smell and fluorescent lights, but most of all I hate you", he utters, gazing at his own face in the reflection of a dirty mirror; as both are only hanging on by a thread.

blood/injury tw ↓

..yeah.. i really really hate it here

[autom8d-sauce]

i want to rip my skull open and remove my brain

[yaboirezzy]

Alright, here's an explanation (post version):

So this is something I wouldn't usually say publicly because I don't really like telling and sharing my personal stuff online, especially on social places like tumblr or others because of how people usually react to someone feeling or saying anything about themselves. Also because I rather vent stuff in rather than bothering everyone close to me online about it. But I feel like making an exception just this once because this is actually about my tumblr blog.

So on my blog I've been doing all kinds of stuff over the past few years, artworks (both digital and traditional), text post, memes, incorrect quotes, and so on. And don't get me wrong I enjoyed it, I was happy with it, but in recent times I really feel like I've done nothing but make some low effort garbage that people only viewed or liked out of pity and nothing else. I feel like I've slowly changed from a someone eager to share their love and interest for their favorite fandoms to an annoying little shithead that won't stop yapping about anything (be it headcanons, AUs, ships) regarding their fandoms.

Especially when the stuff they waffle about aren't even as good as to what other people do. Artwork? everyone else had done better artwork of their favorite hyperfixations, character fanart, ship fanart, you name it? then it's guaranteed that everyone else done it better. Text post? everyone has made ones that are much better than mine, some even I based or took inspiration from (which is pretty much stealing I think). Memes or meme redraws? again mine looks like something out of the early 2000s compared to others. Incorrect quotes? god I can't believe that these are what I started with and are what 90% of my blog is about, yet I can't even get them right or being good at least. And those are just the basics, picture this people usually make artwork to show their love towards something they like and usually show others why they like or spread the popularity of their favorite thing, well guess who fucking sucks at that aspect as well? Showing my love towards my favorite fandom though artwork or text or quotes? awful at it, you would think I was young kid who just got introduced to them, trying to increase the popularity of an otherwise underrated or unknown fandom of mine? suck at it, just showing an image of them would've done a better job promoting each series, what about trying to seem like an active fan and participating in trends or events within the fandom? well me not being able to follow an 'art week' thing and being late to a redraw trend should be a clear sign as to how that goes.

And that's the reason why I wanna end myself I've been feeling so terrible about myself lately, I feel like trash about not being able to do the stuff I wanted to do whether it's artwork, text post, or even interacting with others.

In terms of artwork and meme redraws I just wanna see my vision come to life be that in the artstyle, the position/posing, or look/quality, but I can't due to limitations and whatnot. That's why I'm always eager to see art from others, but I know everyone's got other things to worry about, it's also why I feel like an absolute leecher whenever I ask or even request any of my artist mutuals anything their art is so much better than mine and I hate how I couldn't even mimick a fraction of their quality. It just makes me feel sick that I considered myself the same to them, I have done nothing worthy like them yet I always try to fit in as an 'artist' among actual real ones.

In terms of text post and incorrect quotes, I don't even know why any of you liked those, or even reblogging them. I've seen people put genuine care and effort into their headcanons, AUs, fanfics, even incorrect quotes and yet here I am saying the dumbest ideas and thoughts ever. Not only are they so bad, so low effort, and so braindead to read for any rational human being, but they are just so not funny, like at all like please fucking make it stop, I mean from what you'd probably seen on others you'd at least expect me to be another one of those it's so bad it's funny kind of stuff, but no, I just keep making dishwasher slop over and over and people are liking them, why? why are you all doing this to yourselves? you'd have a better time watching the series my stuff is about than liking and reblogging it.

Again, this is really something I've kept hidden and I've only now talked about with one of my mutuals, but I feel the need to make this just so I can say from the bottom of my heart:

I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything I've said. I'm sorry for everything I've done, I don't care if they're good, bad, neutral, or means nothing at all. I'm sorry I couldn't done more or better. I'm sorry to all my mutuals and friends. I'm sorry that I'm broken, I couldn't be fixed. I'm just...I'm sorry that I exist here.

Please just let me be in pain alone...

[lovesick-spills]

i hate getting the daily urge to just drop everything and kms

[i-am-confused-always]

what I say: “it is what it is”

what I mean: “I have cried about this for hours and have probably self harmed and contemplated suicide over this.

[bloodyrosesnthorns]

I'm sorry mom.

[euthyy]

SH be a true gamble fr. I either bleed arbitary amounts from a catscratch or I hit styro and barely bleed

[explodingsaturn]

maybe i should just stop talking. i want all of my secrets back.

[lostmf]

By @desnos

[necr0fobico]

[pmpwbrrs]

Loving body, hating soul

They're going to be on sale! If you don't want to miss out on them, please let me know and I'll notify you. More info in the comments

Hating body, loving soul

[curlandshudder]

tw sfx makeup practice

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this is just special effects gore makeup, you guys

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stay safe out there, you guys

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okayyyy, here we go

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it's so pretty when the bl00d starts to bead up like this. i wanted to get some of it dripping down, but my cat jumped on my lap and smeared it :/ so now i have to clean it up ig.

cleaning it up is my least favorite part. i wish i could leave it bl00dy forever. i probably leave it like that longer than i should, but i honestly do not care. picking off the dried sc4bs is fun though.

[cyellolemon]

Meet my new ocs!! :>

Lore and info below the cut!

The pink hair guy with the silly creatures in his torso is Emilien (Emi for short) (he/it pronouns) some times after his top surgery he had these cute mouth entities that woke up in his scars (he's not really enjoying their presence)

That tall long green hair man is Sohan (he/him) he's a cashier who is gonna find out about Emi's creatures and be fascinated by them. Could be a good thing for Emi since it had a crush on Sohan since some time (despite the fact that they never really talked) but actually Sohan is like. an unsympathetic and unfriendly asshole. He doesn't care about Emi as a person at all

Because of Emi's mixed feelings about Sohan, the creatures will be very hostile toward him, so he won't be able to study them. And because he really wants to, Sohan will try to force himself to fall in love with Emi

[bloodyrosesnthorns]

you are so perfect my love.

i am far from perfect.

i don't deserve your love.

[euthyy]

Just filled up a small bottle w my blood (+water, sadly) and put it up as a necklace. I have reached a point where my addictions show up in my style😍