#generational truama

[lostmf]

By 11 shit was already fucked up

So I would be still 5 I guess

[desirableoneday]

I used to be afraid of death.

But when my mother's words bite into my flesh and I can feel her head shaking- tearing in with intent...

I wonder if she’d miss me.

[wolf-twins-inc]

Haven't posted in awhile, so here's one if my recent shorts, Enjoy

[lostmf]

I was supposed to be an apportion

Why am I alive !!

My life was supposed to end at 16

Idk what im doing now

[void-hippie]

Anyone else cope with trauma by making shitty album covers, hoping to use them someday?

[sinxerlyri]

To hold your children back, simply because "what will people say" is the tragedy that no one will take accountability of but will forever be the victim..

_ Raconteur's Muse

[chuchayucca]

Tbh I'm surprised nobody else has brought up the idea of Richard being abused too

It feels like a lot of potential for it and an explanation (aside from their status) as to why Roy never got help for it either -- Richard thought it was normal.

Now this is just making me imagine a scene where Carmen remarks that Roy will "grow out of it" (it being his behavior) like Richard did in front of the other Hatz and Ross and Robert just share a Look

Anddd now I'm wondering how much Carmen knows

TW for discussions of fictional CSA/SA and mentions of alcoholism

Me too, I thought it would be an obvious assumption but I guess not.

Exactly, I’ve seen the fandom explore Carmen and Roy’s relationship regarding his CSA but never with Richard. I think it’s ashamed because there’s a lot you can write for the relationship, even outside of their CSA.

Omg that’s a good scene idea. The Hatzgang are realized there is a deeper issue, and Roy has to unfortunately unpack that generational trauma. I can see how learning his dad is a possible CSA victim, like him, starts pushing Roy to tell his parents but also discourages him because basically Richard unknowingly knew Roy was SA but never recognized it because he doesn’t know he was SA too. I also believe Richard normalized his brother’s actions too. It’s truly devastating how Richard indirectly contributed to the normalization of Roy’s abuse but he doesn’t know it’s SA. He believes those fun “games” him and his brother played were normal family bonding activities and is happy to hear his son is getting along with his brother, a brother he admired when growing up.

These headcanons might change as the series continues and the deeper I get into research.

I headcanon Carmen doesn’t know anything but has suspected something was off a few times. She never thought anything of Richard’s behavior at first because he alway been this way. When they became adults, she started questioning as Richard still had issues with intimacy at that point in their relationship and his alcoholism was at its worst. (Short ver: Richard started drinking at a young age to cope with trauma of his SA and the Uncle encouraged this, buying him alcohol for various reasons. Modern day, Richard is a functional alcoholic but has gotten better with his drinking)

As of the moment, Roy’s parents are unaware of Roy’s CSA. The day the Uncle died, Roy did get in trouble but for separate reasons. Carmen and Richard were mad at Roy for hanging out with “plebeians” and sending them to one of his uncle’s private properties. Roy doesn’t feel comfortable telling them yet because they’re snobby, judgmental people, so he assumes they won’t react well.

[monstrumpuella]

[lostmf]

[desirableoneday]

I genuinely want to know why- I feel like it’d be better if I killed myself.

So that we’d never have to fight- and I’d never give you a reason to be angry with me anymore.

[its3-15am]

"My whole life has been spent trying to escape a house on fire and it seems that every door I go to is still can't find an exit"

"My father is my immediate reflection. Our mental states feed off of each other like parasites and he can't seem to realize his faults."

"How can I learn to live in the existence of myself? I can always survive alone with my sorrows but the agonizing weight of happiness is too much to bear alone"

-I suffocate with these weights on my back. I can no longer breathe and my father is pushing me further and further beneath the water screaming at me to swim. My mother is terrified and my sister turns the other way. I'm tired and my bed has become my grave that I rot in each night trying to escape from the past that haunts me. Trauma that taunts me. And the illness that never seems to stop agonizing me. Prozac. Lexapro. Lithium. Depakote. Zyprexa. Nothing works. Nothing fixes. Three doctors. Two shrinks and a morgue that plagues My head with dead bodies and corpses.

[pollyna]

Screaming, giggling, kicking my lil feet over Beth Dutton and Rip Wheeler because they are the most horrible, toxic and destructive human beings every (or almost the worst) but when it comes to their relationship they are actually fucking sane (in some sense, and as sane as both of them could ever be).

[8cfc00]

thinking about the normal fun fact last ep- that the oak swallows garcia household is a shoes on in the house house cuz of oakvale tradition

and it kind of struck me because its just another way in which the oak family hasnt changed as much as the others. they still uphold oak tradition (eg. still vegan), esp. in contrast to the other families, who have changed their vibe quite a bit (even the wilsons: linc isnt catholic)

Just. very interesting considering the themes of the oaks- like the burdens being passed down thru blood (the literal doodler static), the very strong family resemblance between all of em.... ofc theyre the family who maintains the customs of past generations

[leopuluza]

“House on the 24th street”

Don’t tell them what happens after when

Fathers away

Mother rather treat it as a doll or a toy

And throw it away later

The front door lock and the whole

house sound proof

The screams and cries of a kid

“But what kid? If it’s a toy?”

Dad wouldn’t care

[lonely-catastrophe-blog]

The way some people can open up and talk about anything to their parents and not have any repercussions to it, makes me so resentful. 

[martyrbat]

when i briefly mention cults i want to make it absolutely clear i mean literal cults. like not just extremist churches that are harmful and manipulative in their own way (although got that experience too) but like.

(general cult talk under cut)

going on ‘retreats’ since youre a child where members of your church would plan with your parents on a time to ‘abduct from your house because youre never prepared to be a testimony for god. literally being driven for hours until lost in a bus where they had the windows darkened in the back so it made it difficult to see especially with the rural surrounding. no phone service if you had a phone. where they would wake you up every half hour for a week or two (or a month if it was a summer) and had no clocks. being led to hike miles in the dark and mud as its 30 degrees and then shoving you in a rope maze in the middle of the woods for you to try and get through until sunrise and how it was a message about needing the light (god) or else you'll be trapped in darkness and that'll take you to hell. they emotionally berate you to give confessions and you had to list your sins outloud repeatedly over and over and then stand there as people tell you how youre a failure and disgrace. but no worries! jesus will fix that as long as you devote your life and happiness to him because your time on the earth has to be miserable to prove your dedication to the heavens and to get your crown of jewels.

i was “homeschooled” to be isolated further and because we couldn't afford the one public school, the people in the cult(s) were the only people i knew and got to see and several of them killed themselves and then the cult would spend a hour praying God has mercy but knowing prayers are not gods will and that our pleads for mercy are meaningless because they're in hell. my priest gave me modern study bibles with underlines on homosexuality said its disgusting and a sin and that suicidal people are weak and god is disappointed and how selfish it is because you're questioning gods judgement in creating you since the moment youre created, you are covered in the blood of sin and your life is a debt you will never pay off.

they would teach things that werent in the bible and if you said that's not true/the verses dont say that then you got belittled for being stupid and not understanding and gaslit to believe you cant trust your own judgement or thoughts because theyre always wrong or misguided. youre told you're empty and hollow without god and to purge yourself from your “sin” so that you can be a vessel for him while sobbing at the thought of what happens if god purges him from you because what will remain? youre empty without holiness but youre repeatedly taught you arent capable of being holy—what will fill the hole that is your self without this god and religion??

and again, i live in a VERY isolated area where we don't have buses or stores or anything. outside of this cult and self hatred and this god that needs you to be hollow for it to deem you worthy—there literally is nothing else. its isolating, its encouraging self hatred and misery to deem your worth, its dangerous as a disabled queer. I have never had a physical in person friendship but ive had more than 5 adults tell me how they would kill me in detail. i dont have family i can talk to. i dont have friends around me. i convinced my mother for me to stop going to the church in about 2019 or so because for a long time i would attend despite not believing in that shit purely because it was the only way i could get out of my extremely abusive household until it became too dangerous there too where i thought it would be SAFER to be in a house where a gun is pointed to my head every few months.

like i make jokes because lolz religious trauma ammirite! and its not a big sensitive topic despite... trauma. but like... when i say i was raised in cults i literally mean fucking cults LMAO