#generational truama

[lostmf]

By 11 shit was already fucked up

So I would be still 5 I guess

[desirableoneday]

I used to be afraid of death.

But when my mother's words bite into my flesh and I can feel her head shaking- tearing in with intent...

I wonder if she’d miss me.

[its3-15am]

"How much strength does it take to hurt a little girl? How much strength does it take for the girl to get over it? Which one of them do you think is stronger?"

Fiona Apple on her rapist (Spin Magazine 1997)

[sk3let0rz]

If there is no god to condemn me, I will create one and he will have my face. If there is no hell waiting for me after death, I will construct one here and call it home. The true terror is not in a coming judgement day. The true terror is that there is no judgement day. You will be loved and happy and your sins will go unpunished. This is as it should be. Punishment is a man made construct so we don’t have to forgive ourselves.

[wolf-twins-inc]

Haven't posted in awhile, so here's one if my recent shorts, Enjoy

[lostmf]

I was supposed to be an apportion

Why am I alive !!

My life was supposed to end at 16

Idk what im doing now

[void-hippie]

Anyone else cope with trauma by making shitty album covers, hoping to use them someday?

[dangerouslyfurrydragon]

You deserve everything your heart desires.

[enigmatic-97]

STOP!!!

[lostmf]

[desirableoneday]

I genuinely want to know why- I feel like it’d be better if I killed myself.

So that we’d never have to fight- and I’d never give you a reason to be angry with me anymore.

[its3-15am]

"My whole life has been spent trying to escape a house on fire and it seems that every door I go to is still can't find an exit"

"My father is my immediate reflection. Our mental states feed off of each other like parasites and he can't seem to realize his faults."

"How can I learn to live in the existence of myself? I can always survive alone with my sorrows but the agonizing weight of happiness is too much to bear alone"

-I suffocate with these weights on my back. I can no longer breathe and my father is pushing me further and further beneath the water screaming at me to swim. My mother is terrified and my sister turns the other way. I'm tired and my bed has become my grave that I rot in each night trying to escape from the past that haunts me. Trauma that taunts me. And the illness that never seems to stop agonizing me. Prozac. Lexapro. Lithium. Depakote. Zyprexa. Nothing works. Nothing fixes. Three doctors. Two shrinks and a morgue that plagues My head with dead bodies and corpses.

[sinxerlyri]

To hold your children back, simply because "what will people say" is the tragedy that no one will take accountability of but will forever be the victim..

_ Raconteur's Muse

[monstrumpuella]

[chuchayucca]

Tbh I'm surprised nobody else has brought up the idea of Richard being abused too

It feels like a lot of potential for it and an explanation (aside from their status) as to why Roy never got help for it either -- Richard thought it was normal.

Now this is just making me imagine a scene where Carmen remarks that Roy will "grow out of it" (it being his behavior) like Richard did in front of the other Hatz and Ross and Robert just share a Look

Anddd now I'm wondering how much Carmen knows

TW for discussions of fictional CSA/SA and mentions of alcoholism

Me too, I thought it would be an obvious assumption but I guess not.

Exactly, I’ve seen the fandom explore Carmen and Roy’s relationship regarding his CSA but never with Richard. I think it’s ashamed because there’s a lot you can write for the relationship, even outside of their CSA.

Omg that’s a good scene idea. The Hatzgang are realized there is a deeper issue, and Roy has to unfortunately unpack that generational trauma. I can see how learning his dad is a possible CSA victim, like him, starts pushing Roy to tell his parents but also discourages him because basically Richard unknowingly knew Roy was SA but never recognized it because he doesn’t know he was SA too. I also believe Richard normalized his brother’s actions too. It’s truly devastating how Richard indirectly contributed to the normalization of Roy’s abuse but he doesn’t know it’s SA. He believes those fun “games” him and his brother played were normal family bonding activities and is happy to hear his son is getting along with his brother, a brother he admired when growing up.

These headcanons might change as the series continues and the deeper I get into research.

I headcanon Carmen doesn’t know anything but has suspected something was off a few times. She never thought anything of Richard’s behavior at first because he alway been this way. When they became adults, she started questioning as Richard still had issues with intimacy at that point in their relationship and his alcoholism was at its worst. (Short ver: Richard started drinking at a young age to cope with trauma of his SA and the Uncle encouraged this, buying him alcohol for various reasons. Modern day, Richard is a functional alcoholic but has gotten better with his drinking)

As of the moment, Roy’s parents are unaware of Roy’s CSA. The day the Uncle died, Roy did get in trouble but for separate reasons. Carmen and Richard were mad at Roy for hanging out with “plebeians” and sending them to one of his uncle’s private properties. Roy doesn’t feel comfortable telling them yet because they’re snobby, judgmental people, so he assumes they won’t react well.

[8cfc00]

thinking about the normal fun fact last ep- that the oak swallows garcia household is a shoes on in the house house cuz of oakvale tradition

and it kind of struck me because its just another way in which the oak family hasnt changed as much as the others. they still uphold oak tradition (eg. still vegan), esp. in contrast to the other families, who have changed their vibe quite a bit (even the wilsons: linc isnt catholic)

Just. very interesting considering the themes of the oaks- like the burdens being passed down thru blood (the literal doodler static), the very strong family resemblance between all of em.... ofc theyre the family who maintains the customs of past generations