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prognosis-undiagnosable · 10 months ago
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TW: Vent
Love my friend but she is so shit at giving advice through text.
This it why I should just stick to the status quo, stay in my lane. Tumblr vent post just satiate that screaming need... well and also a blasting music jam session but ye
Fuck my roommates they all suck. They have a guest that stayed the night stole my soap dispenser and put it on their side. (There's 2 sinks.) But they used our sink. Like WHAT? Not to mention the passive aggressive bullshit of over sending information already given. Like we were so chill about it. Like hey maybe don't bring a stranger into the apartment to stay the night WITHOUT TELLING US. BUT NOOOOO THAT'S TOO MUCH FOR THEM.
Now they passive aggressive text in the group chat like this gem
"Once again, my friend is staying over tonight she is sleeping in the living room"
Like am I crazy or saying "Once again" is passive aggressive.
I feel like I'm going insane.
They had to have told them that which is our sink. There's no way they didn't.
I feel like I'm going insane. It's proper roommate etiquette to assume that if THEY have someone over they are going to be using THeir stuff on their side. Am I crazy for that?
Bro, I haven't even stepped outside at any time the guest has been here, but them sending that "once again" text in the middle of them already being here? Like both of them know that I don't ever really leave the apartment and my fucken lights are on in my room tonight so am I crazy for thinking the "once again" message was a pointed intentional passive aggressive diss?
Whatever I don't care anymore. I hope they get chemical burns /irritated skin from using the rigged soap dispenser because WE HAD TO HIDE OUR OTHER SOAP DISPENSER because they wouldn't stop using ours even after telling them politely to use their own and use their own sink. LIKE BRO IT'S NOT THAT FUCKEN HARD
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prognosis-undiagnosable · 18 days ago
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It's not that they're annoying it's just on some base level some thing doesn't click like we're firing on all cylinder then there's always one thing that urks me:
Tell me I should tell my mother about my father's abuse (you know the same lady who told me I don't sick when I told her I had an ed)
Used me kind of to run errands in the chaotic city traffic in promises of a night out.
Had an off day and they were super out of it and I nervously babbled felt like I was just digging my own grave.
Not really too annoyed at them because I told them it's fine to used my old name but still feels a bit ugh at bad times. Normally I don't mind it.
Had a run in with a crazy friend of a friend who didn't back me up
Got mad at me for not trying harder to fix my chronic skin condition. Then also told me it's over and technically both already moved on from the break up so my ex having 2 blind dates after us breaking up.
My ex who yes, used to be my closest friend who dragged out are break up for half a year and would've dragged it out longer if I didn't bring it up and confront her.
My friend who I was crushing on made fun of me lowkey about mh sleep shirt that had a hole in it because I need my sleep shirt to have the right texture. When I got a new one just to poke back at him he saw nothing wrong said something along the lines of finally. Felt weirdly classiest? I don't know.
I feel like I' so ride or die for my friends which they don't have to be tit for tat about , but at the same time I wish it was reciprocated
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prognosis-undiagnosable · 4 months ago
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Vent-ish?
I am so tired of having to feel like I need to draft up a whole entire paper soliloquy of prose and metaphors painting my pain and depicting my horrors.
How much do I have to describe for you to believe my suffering?
I understand that some can't read social cues, but this is not that. If I am point blank telling you "This really hurt.", "It was actually really traumatizing." No hehe haha laughing it off.
Believe me, believe my pain and suffering. I should not have to tell on repeat for the mere chance that it'll finally click in your brain.
Believe me when I state my boundaries, believe me when I say no.
How hard do I have to convey my torment for you to understand?
for you to take validity in my statements
for you to even respect my decisions
I am done with all of it. I am done with having to try and convince people of my agony. I am done wasting my time on people would refuse to believe my pain or see it as a line to tow, and push to test it's integrity. I am done with depicting, drafting, painting up my pain for you.
My boundaries are not up for debate and they never were.
TL;DR Drop people who don't respect your boundaries.
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prognosis-undiagnosable · 1 month ago
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Tw: Small Rant
Eczema and scar itch combo is so fucken annoying. I want to rip off all my skin.
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prognosis-undiagnosable · 7 months ago
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Long Ramble Post
I am so confusion. I tentatively made a friend in university last semester. I think we might have to just be arms length casual friends. I don't know maybe it's just because they were high? But they like doubled down about it as in they repeated saying that it was a red flag. Context I told them I make it fun out of lying to my parents.
I mean if I have to lie for my own safety why not make some fun out of it?
I don't know they repeated it was a red flag like 3 times even though earlier in our video call they literally brainstorming/thinking out loud about what to say to their father about accidentally tipping too high.
They also made some weirdgiest comments here and there. One about trying to make a relation about me talking about feeling like an imposter about being Asian because I'm a interracial adoptee. Saying how it's like them being white LGBTQ+ and being friends with a lot of POC LGBTQ+ friends or something. I think they were trying to empathic and just went the wrong way about it, but ehh.
In that same call they were poking fun at how I "uh-hm" in like acknowledgement of what they were talking about/show them that I'm listening. Which I was completely fine with, but then when I poked fun at them for saying their catchphrase "lock in" they were confused because they know that I know it's their catchphase and they say it all the time.
I don't know I'm being really nit picky I think and making a huge deal about everything, but like I don't know. I don't want to get too far being friends with them if they turn out to not be a mostly good friend?
TL;DR
Thinking about distancing a new-ish friend for lowkey being a hypocrite and saying it's a red flag to lie to your parents.
Verdict: Currently to keeping them off Close Friends on Instagram (our main form of communication). And trying to find a friend for a second opinion.
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prognosis-undiagnosable · 1 year ago
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TW: VEnt
Shit this hit. I don't have the day etched in my brain, but I know when time is rolling around.
Rolling back around to that day.
That day where 3 years ago I didn't know that'd be the last text I'd ever get from them.
3 years ago where every message after would never be responded to.
3 years ago when I lost someone; someone I never expected I'd have to live without.
In a strange way, sometimes I scroll back through are messages and read them all down to the very last text still awaiting a response that'll never come.
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every so often i remember this poem by langston hughes & am inconsolable
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prognosis-undiagnosable · 5 days ago
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Recently, I've been telling myself to calm down, "I can have any foods I want."
I use it as like a duo for oncoming Binge feels, and feelings to restrict
Another way is whatever voice is telling you to restrict or Binge, frame the voice in a person you hate berating and nagging you like an obnoxious parent or something.
Hopefully this helps someone <3
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prognosis-undiagnosable · 14 days ago
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Tw: Rant
My mother told me "go to bed" when I was on my way back from the bathroom. Scared the ever loving shit out of me.
Greeeeeeat, it's not like I wasn't already super paranoid about her leaving her door wide open every fucken night. (Her room is right across the hall from mine so she has direct line of sight of my bedroom door.)
Yup, yup, yuuuup, I need out right fucken now I need to go back to Uni already. The paranoia + the bad sleep (i.e. dreaming), her playing victim all the time (even about the presidency when it'll effect me more that it'll ever effect her, I can't I can't I can't. I'm so tired of being so on edge.
The night my only time I can really relax in this gobfosaken household or it's supposed to be at least, but that had been fully ruined for me with her interaction with me tonight.
I need out so badly. Fuck all this. I'm definitely going out shopping on her dime for that fuck as scare.
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prognosis-undiagnosable · 26 days ago
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Call me a skin walker the way I be peeling off my skin
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prognosis-undiagnosable · 1 month ago
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TW: Vent
Been trying to not start the B/P cycle, but it's so hard when my stomach doesn't feel like draining right. I feel like I'm so full and gross right now it's so fucken uncomfortable.
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prognosis-undiagnosable · 1 month ago
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TW: VENT
Had the worst nightmare nap I had in a while. Some random guy was being verbal abusive to my sister? Or someone I was stuck in a car with them he took like the carbonator out and kept trying to break in and a weird shitty ring kept going off in the house. Everything felt so bad and stressful. Half way through I felt like half awake thought it would break the nightmare, but it continued. I wanted to die. I'm not okay. I need a drink. So bad. It's like all of my worst assaults in one. Didn't help at all that a heckler trying to give me his car's sales pitch while I was in my car trying to calm myself down with my mother making me get last minute groceries Christmas eve and tense about driving in that condition. Ran over a a curb all I wanted was some time alone to collect my thoughts and the guy was project yelling to me his pitch.
The only time time I feel like I can caught and actually break from life just got shattered. That's probably why I had the nightmare.
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prognosis-undiagnosable · 2 months ago
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Tw: Freakout
My campus crush saw a throw away story post I made on Instagram doing the shittiest turns (ballet) ever. Kill ME. No one really views my second account I thought it's be fine. Fuck. My dog shit hair cut is on there. Fuck.
He did say looking disrespectful soooo I don't know.
I feel like it's a lie and he's just a supportive goober, but like argghhhh, I just want to always look semi hot for him lowkey so tjfhrufhrbhr
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prognosis-undiagnosable · 1 year ago
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This could be interpreted so wrong, lol. But so could a lot of things.
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prognosis-undiagnosable · 3 months ago
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Reminder
It’s not genuine gratitude if you have to be fear mongered into complacency. It’s a balancing act of keeping control and propaganda.
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prognosis-undiagnosable · 4 months ago
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TW: Vent
AHAHAHAAHA, the feeling when you can't even stimm corfortably anymore because most of the time it keeps reminding you of that one time one of your "friends" said that you were like emoting in a snide condescending judgy patronizing way.
SO now you get deeply uncomfortable with stimming and just sit still but feel like your crawling out of your skin doing so and it's so frustrating. and everything feels like ABSOLUTE SHIT
SOrry I'm such an inconvience to you and that I make you cringe by stimming
FUCK YOU
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prognosis-undiagnosable · 5 months ago
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TW: Vent
When your last summer hurrah, ends up giving you stress hair lost and hair pulling, lol.
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