#tw mentions of illness

[boysenberrybunny]

BLANK Mini-Review

(10/10)

TWs: Unavoidable death, imprisonment, mentions of illnesses

Average route time: Around an hour and a half to two hours.

Link: https://maneki-mushi.itch.io/blank

BLANK by maneki_mushi is an unconventional but nonetheless extremely poignant and heart-wrenching experience. Even being on a call as I played, cracking jokes, I was still teared up by the end and struggling to keep it together. The routes are much better enjoyed with little to no idea of what’s going to happen ahead of time, so I’ll only be giving a brief overview of the game!

In BLANK, we follow our protagonist as they wake up in a completely blank environment, unable to feel much of anything or even see their own hands or body when they look down. Encouraged by an unseen voice, you begin to create a world around yourself, resulting in one of four versions of the same man to appear depending on what you wished for. As they try to keep you happy, you slowly begin to realize that something is wrong. Bits and pieces of your old life come back to you. Where are you? Why can't you remember your own name? Who are you? The world suddenly unravels, and you're forced back into the empty white void, alone, except the voice in your head, not even your memories intact to keep you company.

Praises for the game are PLENTIFUL, from the beautiful visuals, to the extremely fitting music, to the poignant and touching writing! Despite the personality changes between each 'route', there was still a clear, underlying desire and drive between all of the versions of the man, bringing them together as a truly fascinating and tragic character. The music cues also did an incredible job in subtly shifting the mood from comforting to unsettling in the blink of an eye. Truly, I wish I could fully express my admiration and love for this game, but if I said anything too specific, I'd be scared of spoiling the whole thing!

Overall, this is easily one of my favorite games of all time, let alone one of my favorite visual novels. I'd HIGHLY recommend this to anyone with one and a half to two hours free who enjoys unconventional and tragic storytelling.

(For those curious, my route order was 'Aventure', 'Comfort', 'Creation', 'Materials', and 'Nothing', though I'm unsure how much that matters!)

[sodorheritagestarline]

Dear Diary:

it has been 4 hours since I have landed on the mainland to get away from that c- inferior minded peasant, Ivo, so far I have managed to locate a village ,devoid of people, and settle in the local hospital, most of their equipment seems adequate, if not a bit antiquated, but it is better than nothing. I have got my son into one of the less stiff beds and hooked him up to the neccessary equipment according to the book Dr Barrison leant me,... I, I just hope this wasnt all for nothing, that my son wont end up dea- *tears fall onto the page before he quickly scribbles out the last sentence*

if everything goes to plan, I should hopefully be able to set up some sort of makeshift lab, and, and start work on a cur- oh dont be so naive starline, the best doctors in the world were working on a disease like this, why would a backwards poor cretin like myself with almost no expereince in medicine be able to

and put something together to help my son.

Yours Truly, Dr. Samuel Starline of Oxford University.

[honeypleasejustkillme]

suicidal people deserve a space to talk about their suicidal feelings without risking hospitalization/institutionalization or being accused of being manipulative or attention seeking

[justflesh54]

its my body surely i have the right to harm it if i wish ???

[fatphobiabusters]

As unhealthy as you perceive any food to be, it is much more unhealthy to be scared of the act of eating.

-Mod Worthy

[ima-end-itt]

How to end your life without making anyone feel like it's their fault no borax no glue

[dumbbitchdisaster]

Full stomach= nasty feeling, nauseating, disgusting, fat pig, uncomfortable

Empty stomach= beautiful, angelic, comforting, it girl, worthy, confident

[endedbyisiaha]

Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough?Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough? Why can’t I be good enough?

[kirarahoshii]

sometimes a comfort show isn’t a sitcom or a romance or even remotely lighthearted. sometimes a comfort show is a survival/horror series about girls doing cannibalism and cult activities in the wilderness to survive

[phleb0tomist]

people love telling me not to isolate myself when I’m having a crisis- reach out, don’t hide, etc- and while that’s a lovely sentiment, a lot of people don’t seem to understand what it entails in practice? like they truly don’t seem to have considered that me being open during my mental health crisis will mean them actually Seeing and Hearing small parts of that crisis.

“don’t hide yourself” seems to come with a secret caveat of “but don’t be unpalatable either”. often my openness leads not to support but to an ethics debate about whether it was condemnable of me to let my struggle be slightly visible. interesting. when i wear short sleeves or make casual mention of the long-term aftermath of my self injury, it’s somehow perceived as me saying “self injury is awesome! i think the whole world should do it!” instead of being perceived as me living exactly as i always have, just hiding a little less, bringing you into my world a tiny bit, like you asked. healed scars are the only ones i allow to be seen, i cover up healing injuries and i don’t talk about methods or anything overly specific or sensational. i openly discuss harm reduction measures & therapeutic strategies. but somehow ppl still disapprove of the snippets they see when i reach out.

if you want people to reach out during crisis you have to accept that theres no way for a person to make themselves palatable while theyre showing you their severe mental illness lmao. they’re not going to provide you constant caveats while sharing their feelings like “ive been having trouble coping so i fell back on self injury. but i don’t condone it! YOU shouldn’t do it and I condemn myself for having done it btw! I will never forgive myself for this expression of mental illness, i’m so sorry I revealed it to you.”

this post might be a vent I can’t rly tell. open to conversation if anyone has any similar experiences 👍

[f41l1ng-0c34n-cr34tvr3]

I’m going to do it. I’m gonna ask for help from my mom. I forced myself to. I att3pted again tonight and ofc it didn’t work cause I’m still here, but my arm is all cvt to hell (not beans, but mostly light/deep styros ALL over). And I freak out when I get too hot so I’m going to HAVE to have a talk with her soon so she doesn’t freak out when she sees my arm. So I’ve got a rough draft for a letter for her after she gets home from work. It covers everything I’ve been hiding or lying about. It covers my cvtting, my sv1c1d3 att3mpts, the fact that my bullying was also physical, the fact I got s3xually a$sault3d multiple times by multiple people, my trans-ness, my eating disorder, my depression, why I didn’t ask for or get help, the fact I’m not a Christian, everything. And it asks over and over again for help. I want help for it all. I want to get better. And I’m asking for help. I know I’ll probably be forced to stop cvtting and st@rv1ng, but I’m willing to trade that off for genuine help.

Update: I got send to a mental hospital

[gabbagepatch]

Having subjective symptoms is very isolating because there is no way for others to witness what you're going through. They just have to trust you and you have to trust them to believe you. I know everyone in my life believes it, but they don't get it. I expressed to my therapist that I feel that all of these symptoms begin rattling around in my head and it creates a barrier between me and others.

My world: hurting, trying not to show it, coping with pain, fearful, etc

Their world: normal, uneventful, happy evening

It's very difficult to have something happening to you that nobody else can see.

[a-a-a-anon]

absolutely fascinated by young dee who is criminally under-discussed so here is my dissertation on what happened in her college years (ft. dr. gainer, setting her roommate on fire, being institutionalized)/my idea for a fic that I will almost certainly never write/my way too serious take on a few throwaway dee lore lines

timeline background: we know that dee majored in psychology ('charlie got molested') and got "three fourths" of the way in (meanwhile dennis finished his psych minor.) assuming this was a four year program, I'm gonna guess that in her third year she got institutionalized and most likely had to drop out ('gun fever too: still hot'.) we also know that she had her back brace until she was twenty ('underage drinking'), so I'm guessing that means she got her back brace off in her third year.

we know that dennis fancied himself a psychologist since he was young, but I think dee did too. in particular I think she was wary and interested in her brother's psychology; she seems very aware of his psychopathy and bpd in 'making dennis reynolds a murderer' and 'psycho pete returns.' in my head she's been interested in dennis' psychology since they were kids and she saw him snapping crows necks. so instead of forcing her way into acting school, she studied psychology to better understand her brother (and also deep down, herself, who is very much the other side of the same fucked up coin.) it also meant she could tell herself she could study her characters even better when she became an actress.

i think she put in (her version of) genuine academic effort to get in, fuelled kind of by spite (remember the way she studied that thick medical book in 'hero or hate crime' or her very quick math in 'boggs: ladies reboot'). she studies books and gets cricket to quiz her and she still fails to get into penn. but frank always pitied her (i think she was his favorite of the twins-remember "let your sister into the gang", "that's my girl!", "i'm sorry the grift didn't work out, sweetie") so he shells out cash to get her in, but also to get her away from home so he has to deal with her even less.

dennis wants to do anything dee does but better and he wants to keep her close by (to watch her crash and burn, and also because he's weirdly possessive-see 'the gang broke dee' "i'm your select!"). and obviously he's barbara's favorite. so barbara gives him money to get in too. she also gets him into a frat and pays for his classes and his rent and everything he needs. dee has to live in a dumpy dorm with a female roommate.

but college presents dee a chance to moult her previous place in life where she was known as a monster (remember how insistent she was that "people can change!" in 'franks pretty woman'. I think dees always wanted to believe she can shed that feeling she's inferior, but she never has). in my head her female roommate is basically normal-has real friends of her own, mentally stable, attractive-which is exactly what dee craves. dee wants to be popular and well liked and she wants to infiltrate her roommates life, imitate her, be in the Cool group. and she places all her hopes on a friendship with the roommate but dee has never navigated real female friendships before, not with someone like her. deep down she also wishes she found what dennis found in mac, whatever it was, because ever since dennis met mac he's never been as close to her. and i do think dee is some flavor of queer. and the roommate is well liked in the way that dee admires and envies. so there is that blurriness between wanting to be her and wanting to be with her. in my head her roommate looks like the woman from dee's fantasy in 'the gang saves the day' (and they both represent that promise of escape from dee's shitty life).

dee is so desperate for the roommates approval and her love and her life that she goes insane, copying and flattering and competing with her. ever the shitty actress, she tries to emulate her, but comes off as manic and creepy. and maybe her roommate is nice enough to not completely shun her, recognizing that she's struggling. maybe in dees mind they actually are becoming friends when her roommate asks things like "are you okay?"

and dee has to talk about her plan with dennis because he's the only person who would Get It. and she makes it sound like it's almost working. dennis feels jealous and worried and threatened that maybe dee might actually be seen as normal, especially when she gets her back brace off in the third year. so dennis fucks her roommate, more of a show that he owns and controls each and every pathetic part of dee’s life than anything else. and so that dee knows she'll never be as good as him, she'll never as easily charm people as dennis does. (or at least he tells her he does).

to prove that To Someone dee is Good Enough, and so desperate for attention, dee (who's been groomed all this time) enters a sexual relationship with her professor dr. gainer. she tells herself she has the power in it, that she seduced him ("he didn't molest me. i had sex with him 'cause i wanted to.") and she has a mental break, because the thing she told herself held her back from being loved (her back brace) is finally gone by now and yet she still feels like a monster, and the only scrap of "love" she can get is from her professor.

and then she can't take the fact that she can steal her roommates clothes, can emulate her sexual prowess (in dee's own fucked up, delusional way), and still neither be well liked like her nor be loved by her. so maybe dee will always be a monster. so dee tried to burn her roommate in her bed, because she represented the promise of change and popularity, and that promise was a lie and dee's effort was for nothing. and she's institutionalized.

and i think there was kind of a falling out between the twins and their parents, because barbara wants to abandon dee but dennis can't help but visit her. and frank doesn't even step foot in a place that reminds him of his traumatic childhood, and avoids dee even more than he used to because she is his childhood mirror image. so the family becomes even more fractured and estranged.

and maybe dee becomes medicated and slowly crawls her way halfway to normal by the first season (her acting classes are so well-adjusted, taking part in healthy hobbies of her!). until her father comes back into her life and everything falls apart <3

side note, even though dee is crushingly lonely-"I just got a cat 'cause I wanted something to hang out with. I don't have, you know, a roommate or anything, and I don't really have anyone to talk to..."-AND she struggles to pay rent whenever frank cuts her off, i hc that she refused to ever get a roommate in particular female roommate again after this because both her internalized misogyny got worse and she was afraid of what would happen (what she would do) again.

[daffodilmornings]

Anyway, victims of rape deserve a safe space online to vent. We deserve to be open about our feelings, and our hatred and fear is valid as yours is to anything else that has harmed you. Stop silencing rape victims as "radfem man-haters" and listen to them as victims of continuous abuse at the hands of men and a patriarchal society that does not put these men behind bars.

RADFEMS AND TERFS DO NOT TOUCH

[honeypleasejustkillme]

a toxic part of me hopes everyone who has neglected me will feel guilty after i unalive