#this is actually an incredibly stupid movie

[rorykillmore]

i also find "it's just torture porn" to be - well, okay, purely from a genre standpoint this is technically inaccurate if we are splitting hairs because this is not the subgenre that terrifier is emulating (grindhouse/exploitation movies would be closer to the mark) - torture porn is an actual subgenre that you cannot just stuff movies into because they have more gore than plot - but also like... so what if it was? every person has different reasons for watching & enjoying horror. assuming that "i'm here for the rich and compelling narrative!" is the only way to consume & enjoy horror while proving that you are not some kind of sicko is so fucking stupid. a lot of gorehounds are big practical effects enthusiasts, and it takes an incredible amount of genuine skill and artistry to be a practical effects artist. terrifier basically started out having one guy doing the effects, make-up, character & costume design, directing and writing and trying to make it all work on pocket change, and it has ended up one of the biggest horror franchises of 2024. i'm sorry but that's fucking cool. it's fine if it isn't for you but stop being a snob!

The people who dismiss the Terrifier films as nothing but torture porn are seriously doing a disservice to David Howard Thornton’s acting as Art the Clown. Man is so good at physical acting and making faces that he doesn’t even need to speak to command attention. His acting is what I believe absolutely makes the series, and what I believe separates it from the typical slasher film. Also Sienna and Vicky are incredible characters for different reasons, some of the best female characters in horror

[official-sonic-team]

sonic movie 3 review

okay let’s discuss the major changes they made in this movie

gerald is alive and well: instead of execution, gerald was simply imprisoned for the past 50 years. he’s 110 and they don’t explain why he’s still alive. assumingly it’s because of shadow’s quill but they don’t actually explain it. he manages to vie for freedom by completeing the eclipse canon schematics for GUN to build. but gerald is very much alive and a very large, active player in this movie

Maria’s death: a GUN soldier does not shoot her. an accident during the shut down of the project shadow causes chaos energy to explode. maria is killed in the explosion. gerald, who was in the blast and roughly the same distance as maria, inexplicably lives. they don’t explain that. but the takeaway is 1) maria dies from an accident 2) she doesn’t even die trying to save shadow. worth noting there’s also no “sayonara shadow the hedgehog”

shadows backstory: shadow was NOT created by Gerald robotnik. a meteor crashed into earth and he was inside. the scientists were researching him as a power source. he is again 1) not created by Gerald 2) NOT a cure for maria. maria probably isn’t even sick they make no reference to it gerald just likes having her around apparently

the final story: ok where to start. 1) there is no space colony ark. shadow and maria and gerald are in some sort of underground military base and that’s where every thing happened- no ark. 2) there is NO biolizard/final hazard. he’s referenced one time as a Godzilla rip off and that’s it since gerald don’t make shadow. 3) the big final issue is that gerald set the eclipse cannon to destroy earth. Sonic and shadow manage to divert the cannon fire. however, the eclipse cannon’s power core becomes destabilized and if it blows, it’ll decimate the atmosphere of earth. Sonic fell from space during them pushing the laser away from the earth so shadow is the one who pushes the eclipse cannon far away from earth while eggman stabilized it long enough for shadow to do that. the cannon blows up and eggman and shadow are presumed dead.

there is no chaos control: shadow uses it like a handful of times during the initial team sonic fight and then it’s not really used ever again. they don’t chaos control the eclipse cannon they just push it around. no fake emerald either.

the moon being destroyed: is an accident. while they’re trying to divert the laser from hitting the earth they accidentally hit the moon. it is not an intentional show of power from eggman, it’s just an accident.

i think those are maybe the BIGGEST changes. obviously no rouge either. they also treat the GUN commander as a good guy who dies Heroically.

one of the other big differences is that there’s a super sonic & shadow fight. shadow critically injured tom by accident and sonic uses the chaos emeralds to turn super to fight shadow over it. sonic eventually decides to not get his revenge, and his resolve in his own character inspires shadow to help him stop Gerald’s plan of destroying the earth.

i think I’ll just break this into pros and cons

pros:

this was definitely better paced than the previous two movies. it felt a lot more like a sonic adventure

tails and knuckles have a meaningful role to play and aren’t completely shoved aside

i think they handled shadow vs sonic fights relatively well? im still not impressed by them not entirely being seen as equals but he’s not ridiculously overpowered, sonic manages to do a good job against him.

cons:

WAY TOO DIVERGENT FROM THE GAMES. they made so many unnecessary changes. shadow’s backstory is just an entirely different character

the gerald/eggman b-plot was actually unbearable. firstly i despise jim carrey as eggman so he was also never going to be good as gerald. it’s just slapstick everytime they’re on screen together and it’s SO dissonant to the shadow & sonic storyline it’s actually unbearable to watch.

incredibly stupid how they tied eggman to the major plot they very easily could have kept him releasing shadow

they just made no effort to explain anything about gerald. why is he still alive. how did he survive when maria didn’t. like if you’re going to change up your adapation you need to explain WHY and HOW this happened.

honestly im not super impressed with sonic’s revenge plot because shadow and sonic could have easily been tied together by the fact they both lost someone (maria and longclaw). i think it probably doesn’t help that i don’t like tom. also im not usually interested in revenge when the person isn’t even killed? tom still lives and isn’t even like…. permanently injured or something from shadow. so it looses its value to me in that way. i think sonic’s inability to work with a team also doesn’t make a whole lot of sense given sonic 2 and him working with maddie and Tom before. like i understand he has isolation issues but it’s been expressed that these movies have taken place over YEARS so this doesn’t feel like an entirely reasonable arc

all in all i think this is a 5/10. if i didn’t have any knowledge of sonic it could maybe be passable. but the gerald and eggman routine is genuinely unbearable when the movies tried to hit on some deeper levels and themes.

[joannerowling]

do you think they'll ever go for another HP spinoff? Both Cursed Child and Fantastic Beasts received poor or mixed reviews at best and were not that popular (I don't think anyone has ever referenced them IRL in my experience) so I doubt they'll be trying another spinoff anytime soon. Perhaps after the HP show is over in a decade? I really hope not lol, I found both CC and FB incredibly uninteresting and basic (Ezra Miller and Johnny Depp really turned me off too lol) and I figure any other spin off would be just as disappointing.

I also think the terminally online fans going "No one wants this! we want a spinoff about the founders or marauders!" are so incredibly out of touch. the HP show everyone will watch, however no one would care about either of those except super duper HP fans. If I said "marauders" IRL I highly doubt anyone would even know what I'm referencing. Also why on earth would they take a gamble on a new show after CC and FB flopped? and these terminally online JKR haters complaining about the show and screaming for a Jegulus spinoff instead also hated and complained about CC and FB for the most part? it's such a bizarre reaction that is based exclusively in 'I hate jkr and want to complain' instead of any actual desires on their part IMO

Will there ever be another HP spinoff?

Short answer: probably not.

Long answer: they can only greenlight a project with JKR's approval, so it really all depends on her. She's clearly not interested in writing more original Potter books right now, but she's ok letting others play with the IP in various media and/or commercial forms (except novels; duh, she's not stupid), so long as her specific wishes on some topics are met. So far, pretty successfully:

Theatre : Cursed Child, while hated by a vocal minority of (essentially book) fans, is a commercial and critical hit, winning several awards and touring in multiple countries while playing non-stop on the West End.

Video Games : Obviously a quite successful format, from the popular smartphone mini-games to Hogwarts Legacy. Nobody cared that much about HL's story, its success came down to the fun of actually getting to explore Hogwarts, Hogsmeade, etc.

Park theme(s) : Very successful and not to be underestimated creativity-wise, between decors, costumes, ancilliary products, etc. Again, the appeal is immersion and exploration rather than rides.

Supplementary non-fiction material : The "Hogwarts Library" supplementary books deepening the universe's lore have always been hits, hence WB using them as a base to develop FB.

Fantastic Beasts movie series (and the whole "wizarding world" brand) : The big disappointment. It didn't start so bad, the first was a success and well received. The second was too complicated and lost the GP, but still made money; and the third was better received but not well enough to save it. Still, even Secrets was more of a flop than a bomb (it made back its Covid-inflated budget twice after all, not enough to make a profit but better than nothing).

At some point, if i'm a WB exec and i'm a little smart, i start to notice patterns:

Normie fans and GA don't want new "wizarding world" stories: they want an immersive experience. Movies are a bad format for that. You just can't cram too much stuff in a movie without shit becoming real expensive real fast.

Book fans hate everything new in general, even with Jo's involvement it's getting touchy after FB and CC. (I'm sure an original novel would work but even that's risky and she's not interested anyways.)

On the other hand, book fans also famously disliked the movies, so a new, more faithful adaptation might interest them. Normie fans and GA too: they already know the story, so it's accessible, and parents would love sharing it with their kids.

Sales show that people in general are definitely still massively attached to Harry Potter, so it's worth investing.

TV adaptations of books following disappointing movies have been pretty successful recently: BBC/HBO's HDM, Netflix's Series of Unfortunate Events, etc.

TV's not a bad format for immersive story-telling. Not the best, but you have more screen time and it's usually cheaper to produce than films and more character driven, meaning more opportunities to add details and play with them. Enough "new" elements to stand apart from the movies and excite fans, but no risk of messing with canon.

For WB, a remake is a great middle ground to work with JKR in spite of her controversies: she's involved, but not too involved, because the story isn't a new one. It's not like she's writing an original script for them, she's just consulting to make sure they're not messing up. And for Jo? Also greatly convenient! She gets to make money with minimal work. She's a very busy woman you see, and she's got expenses (those rape crisis centers aren't paying for themselves).

Conclusion : Spin-offs = bad, expensive ideas almost bound to fail, unless they were adaptations of a new, critically acclaimed original novel by JKR, which will not happen any time soon. Remake = safer, actually something people want to see (or could be persuaded to watch if initially unconvinced, for the hardcore movie fans). Movies are (kinda) out, shows are (still) in. Carpe Diem, etc.

Will there specifically ever be a Marauders spinoff?

With the disclaimer that i'm not JKR so i can't actually know that but: no. Never. Not even a remote possibility, won't ever happen in a thousand years.

[moeblob]

Gavin mentally: wait... that doesn't add up........

[gayciate]

🎃 HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!

I have to post some Encanto Monster AU Headcanon jumpscare right now!!!!! Not everyone, but a few of them!

Isabela - Werewolf (Or, Werejaguar rather) + OK OK OK Hear me out on this one, see my vision????? Most of the time, she looks largely normal with "cute" features that many find appealing like the little kitty ears, fangs, and tail + BUT were-jaguar form is absolutely shit your pants terrifying horrific, something she was made to feel ashamed of for its wildness and unattractiveness + Spends pre-movie full moons fully barricaded in her locked room, tangled up in her own vines to keep herself contained - everything she bottles up comes out and is entirely out of control, her wild side is trying sososo hard to get out and she's literally, physically restraining it + Always ends up with an absolutely shredded room the night after the moon, snaps at anyone who ever mentions it or attempts to help her out + Post-movie after she comes to accept every part of herself and grow into her own, she starts to gain control over the beast form and spend more time in it willingly, no longer ashamed of looking "ugly" or acting as anything less than perfect

Luisa - Gargoyle + A powerful stone guardian that guards the family home restlessly + She doesn't actually need to sleep, but does go into a dormant "statue" state when exposed to direct sunlight. + Incredibly physically sturdy but not immune to damage. She can crack and break, though her pieces can be put back in place if they fall + It is debatable if she can feel pain in the same way more flesh-based beings can. She does not need to eat or breathe and cannot drown + While she has wings, she is too heavy to properly fly and uses them more to shield others from danger or glide short distances

Mirabel - Satyr + A real silly billy, she's got the fuzzy legs of a goat and little tiny horns under her hair + She's very musically inclined and can play several different instruments. She's creative, clever, and loves to frolic in the sun! + Her charisma stat is absolutely off the charts, others often find it very easy to relax around her as her monster species is not particularly threatening or associated with danger + Often faces underestimation and struggles with not being taken seriously. Her lack of scariness coupled with her inhuman nature can be a cause of direct bullying that more threatening monsters may not have to deal with.

Dolores - Vampire + Oppoisite Isabela, she's a little withdrawn and shy, probably has big ole' sensitive bat ears with perfect pitch detection + Veeeery sensitive to light and sound, she enjoys the quiet of night and often sleeps during the day + She can turn into a little bat and flutter around, but sometimes forgets she's easy to miss like that and jumpscares people who thought they were alone in a room + She's capable of sitting in complete silence for extended periods of time and is extremely patient. Her night-vision is impeccable. + Rumors have spread that she can read minds and has some psychic abilities, but these are entirely unfounded. She's just perceptive and very nosey.

Camilo - Changeling + A funky fey dude, taken in as a baby by Pepa and Félix when he was found abandoned in the wood + He's strongly attuned to magic in the environment and specializes in illusionist tricks + He has pointy ears, sharp teeth, and unnatural eyes that reflect light in the dark but shifts to a more human look most of the time to blend in with others + Quietly a little insecure about what he really is when he looks in the mirror without a disguise but tries not to dwell on it for too long

Antonio - Chimera + A strange little mix of creatures, he's got the upper half of a human with the lower half of a jaguar. He's also got the wings of an Andean condor, ears of a tapir, and an anaconda's tail! + The little dude climbs, flies, and swims - he's an ATV with endless energy who loves to shove himself into tight spaces to explore + Outgoing and a bit wild, he easily befriends other animals but sometimes finds people wary of him. He is very careful with his claws and fangs, but parents sometimes worry that he'll play too rough and hurt their kids. This makes him very sad! + Incredibly intelligent and inquisitive, he is active for long periods of time before collapsing into a nap and restarting the cycle

Bonus Augustín & Julieta - Headless horseman and Parrot Harpy I think Augustín would be like the headless horseman and constantly (literally) lose his head and Julieta would be a parrot harpy with colorful, blue plumage - incredibly intelligent and caring for her kids

[greasydumbfuck]

watched the 2004 punisher movie yesterday with pixie and honestly i had fun 👍 some stuff was good some stuff was eh some completely irrelevant stuff made me mildly annoyed. but most of all it was funny and they had frank hang around with his tits out for multiple scenes so i mean how could i not have a great time tbh

[a-person-on-the-internet]

I love movies that are silly but I also absolutely hate silly movies. The former is a movie that has silly elements but also has other things in it to justify existing. The latter isn't even silly because the sillyness was designed by committee and committees can never be silly. Sillyness must originate from the weirdest person you know writing a silly bit but also that person has feelings and opinions on the world around them that impact what they find silly and how they execute their silly bit. Sillyness cannot come from a committee because committees homogenize the human experience into bland palatable mush that pleases no one.

This is about the minecraft movie's "the children yearn for the mines" 'joke', btw. and all the other 'jokes' the movie attempts to make. It's sillyness dictated by committee and therefore is not silly, zany, or whimsical at all. It somehow looks worse, because the first trailer made me think this would be bad in a train-wreck fun-because-i-can't-look-away kind of way, but it's clearly going to be bad in a mediocre-slop-created-by-a-marketing-team-and-without-creatives way, and that's way less interesting. Or, more importantly, silly.

[heir-of-the-chair]

Lowkey hyperfixating now and I’ve come to the devastating conclusion that Jacob the main character of Water For Elephants… doesn’t really have a character arc

[muchmossymess]

It might be the weirdo in me but imagine an anamatic to the song shiny from moana with an evil/antagonist revali as the crab and link trying to recover the master sword as maui and zelda as moana

[imabiscuitinthousandworlds]

so i googled my current favourite play that i'm absolutely obsessed with and ended up on the english wikipedia site bc my browser is set to english and. it's so bad. the fucking plot overview leaves out basically everything that happens ever except for the end result. several key figures aren't even mentioned. "this guy dies for freedom" well, yes, but actually no, plus you're implying his sacrifice is actually worth it. that's not true. in some other section a dude is mentioned who claims this play is basically star wars. that someone familiar with the play but not star wars could look at a star wars poster and tell you which characters are narratively similar/equal to characters of the play. i am baffled. i have never, not once in my life, ever seen someone be so wrong. dude must have read an entirely different play. i'm tempted to dig up the english version and read it just to see how fucking wrong he is. he is *so* incredibly wrong. jesus fuck. how could you possibly say that

[roxannes-love-letters]

If I had a coin for every time I have overfixated on something that had neon lights, guns, and characters in open shirts with striking patterns willing to commit murder for the person they love I’d have two coins. Which is not much, but also not weird that it happened twice once you understand that I love characters committing murders in open shirts with striking patterns under neon lights.

[speakercrab666]

OH MY GOD SHUT UP U GUYS I AM THINKING ABOUT DVDS!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD. I LOVE DVDS. DISCS. HOLY SHIT U GUYS. HHHHHHHHHH.

GONNA BUY A PORTABLE DVD PLAYER AND THEN I’M GONNA WATCH BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN!!!!!!!!! I ALREADY HAVE BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN ON DVD BUT I HAVEN’T SEEN IT YET DUE TO NO DVD PLAYER.

AND THEN I’M GONNA FIND MY ROBOTS DVD AND I!!!! AM GOING!!!!!! TO WATCH!!!! ROBOTS!!!!!!!!!!! IT’S THE BEST MOVIE POSSIBLY EVER AND I REFUSE TO WATCH IT ONLINE. IT LIVES ON A DVD!!!

I CAN’T FIND MY ROBOTS DVD RN BUT OH BOY WHEN I DO!!!!! I WON’T BE ABLE TO WATCH IT BC I DON’T HAVE A DVD PLAYER YET. BUT ROBOTS!!!!! EXCITED FOR ROBOTS.

[mars-ipan]

[ellipsiseffervescent]

God the trailer for the new US godzilla movie looks so fucking ugly and marvelfied. It's like they took marvels over saturated color pallet and diarrhea Christmas lights effects and ramped them up to an unwatchable degree. How does anyone even keep track of what's happening??? How are people not bored looking at soulless cgi that makes your eyes glaze over??? I hate what blockbusters have become- butt fucking ugly.

[dykexenomorph]

^ me watching across the spider-verse for the first time just now and being in actual genuine awe at how fucking amazing it is from an artistic standpoint

[doomsayings]

realizing that the best experience ive ever had showing someone a movie was making my roommate watch lake mungo and both of us sobbing at the end. like yes open your heart to the emotional core of my favorite films and then we understand each other better.......