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antiloreolympus · 3 years ago

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10 Anti LO Asks

1. I wish Rachel hasn’t used the gods to create the comic but rather turned them into human OCs. The fact that they’re rich, immortal and attractive make the stakes so damn low we don’t even have anything to genuinely fret over narrative wise.

2. WAIT I HAVENT READ LORE OLYMPUS IN A WHILE BUT DID SHE REALLY MAKE APOLLO THE SUN GOD?! STRAIGHT UP IGNORING HELIOS THE ACTUAL SUN GOD?????? How could Rachel say she did research and still choose to incorporate one of the biggest misinformations about Greek Mythos.

Look I don’t want poor Helios to be seen in Lore Olympus style if he hasn’t yet, but that’s such a simple thing to get wrong.

From OP: Both of them are still sun gods, the main issue is that RS also made Leto a sun goddess for some reason.

3. im sorry but the only distinguishing factors between literal gods and humans is that the gods are neon colors and thats it is so dumb?? like what about demi gods? how about exceptional mortals? like how can anyone compare psyche to a goddess then if shes not neon colored? also theres a ton of myths where gods are easily able to blend in with humans without changing anything because they are supposed to look like them, so how can they do that if humans are normal skin tones but the rest are neon?

4. I honestly feel like a big part of why LO is so bad is it's just way, WAY too long. The first few episodes were fast paced and kept you interested, but once it really pocked up on popularity you can see Rachel just started stretching everything out and dragged it back to a snail's pace. I'm all for a slow burn, but that shouldn't for the readers. If it was this long and there were months/years of progress in story I would excuse it, not at most a month in all this time. It's exhausting to read.

5. ok but why do even the humans in lo look so wonky? idk i think her more early abstractions with human forms was really so much better than this more realistic but also more cartoony look, it just doesnt mesh well. sure its technically cleaner looking but it starts to show the many flaws in the art than the previous look didn't. in the early look you could excuse it as coherent stylization, in this current look it just looks like rachel and her team either are very lazy, cant draw, or both.

6. also the disney hercules movie 1) never claims its myth accurate but also 2) its still just a fun movie?? LO in comparison is a self righteous slog that thinks its reinventing the wheel and is more legitimate than the actual texts all while being so wrong its not even"myth fanfic", its just a completely different story with greek names slapped on it for marketing. disney also had the good sense to not make the whole story about a dark topic, meanwhile LO is milking R//PE for a creepy romance.

7. ngl im even surprised rachel would even call hades anything zeus related because she seems so vindictive against anyone who isnt hades/persephone/hera that i would have thought she would make a point to say zeus would rather be be called "light hades" or w/e.

8. Omfg I just realized Hestia and Athena are an incestuous couple. Hestia is Hera's sister and Athena is Hera's and Zeus' daughter. Hestia is literally dating her niece. So the only non-stright couple in LO is incest. I just... how do fail this fucking badly at represenation?

Also, bc I know someone is gonna say it: Yes, incest was pretty much par for the course in Greek mythology, but in LO Rachel seems to actively want to avoid that particular aspect (which is understandable). Zeus and Persephone were orginally biological niece and uncle as well, since Persephone was the daughter of either Zeus or Poseidon and Demeter, but in LO this is retconned into Demeter making Persephone herself without a father being involved, making HxP still sketchy but not blood-related at least.

The Hestia and Athena-situation seems like a comedic mistake RS made. She hastily threw together two same-gender characters to counteract the accusations of homophobia and straightwashing and it just... backfired in the most hilarious possible way.

From OP: Athena and Hestia aren’t technically related in LO but it’s still really odd that Demeter, Hera, and Hestia come from Metis but have no relation at all to her other than she created them. Like, you’d think even Metis’ power would connect them in someway but I guess not. The three even used sisters to refer to each other (although, it was only retconned once and left in the other time) so I still their (Athena and Hestia’s) relationship weird.

9. This isnt just an LO thing but it's ironic Rachel is in that group of WT creators who went to art school and yet have some of the most subpar art i've ever seen, meanwhile the self-taught creators who went to school for medicine, engineering, comms, etc all have some of the most beautiful art i've seen in a webcomic. Anyway LO stans have to stop using the "she went to art school" excuse since it'd pretty clear she's not the only example where art degree =/= good art.

10. ok now im a bit sus about about the LO stats and tbh every other original bc i just saw an original creator say the actual numbers (esp for popular series) are all overinflated by porn and spam bots and webtoons wont get rid of them to make it look like they have more engagement and market them as more successful than they let on💀getting real tumblr will ban boobs but not the n//zi blogs energy from that info ngl

#anti lo #anti lore olympus #lore olympus critical #lo critical

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inimikal-archive · 2 years ago

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I see a lot of people who aren't like “those types” of fangirl say that Henry is just a natural born psychopath & tbh, as cool as that would be if I thought it was true I just don’t think thats a true or accurate read of the character at least in my opinion so now I need to talk about it because its very important to me & of course to my portrayal of him.

I had a whole previous big ol’ headcanon wrote up about Henry & why he is Like That, & yes it had to do with my speculation of his very EARLY connection with the mind flayer which later was proven to be completely canon, yay for me, but it got deleted so I don’t currently have it to reference. I don’t think I need to re-write the entire thing because a lot of theory was proven canon so in this post I’m just gonna talk about Henry in general. He wasn’t acting when he was trying to help El. It wasn’t as entirely self-serving as people seem to think. Sure he wanted to get out & he took the opportunity when it was presented to him but seriously WHO wouldn’t ? When he said “No, I saved you” when El accuses him of tricking her he really meant that. Something the fandom misses is the fact that Henry stood up to some very brutal torture because he was helping El, something that we could ASSUME was a common occurrence for Henry. He spent TWENTY YEARS of his life has a prisoner in the lab, & we’re aware from other characters like Kali that the Lab was not so nice as the rainbow room suggested & cruelty from the guards to enforce “order” & absolute obedience was not unusual. Nor was cruelty from Dr. Brenner himself. We outright saw him torture 002 as punishment for bullying El & again we saw him have Henry tortured for helping El. We also saw Henry’s face & demeanour when 002 was being “punished”. He doesn’t seem to like 002 personally due to him being a well known bully, but he’s obviously uncomfortable with what's occurring. Papa was never the benevolent force he pretended to be because anything that displeased him or did not fit in with what was considered “correct behaviour” was punished with what was basically torture. Another key point, I think, is the fact that Henry didn’t suggest escaping with El. It was El’s idea to help him, not Henry’s idea to be helped by her. I would say that her accusing him of tricking her was more a result of her feeling very confused & guilty about what he did thanks to her help, rather than that actually being the reality of the situation because we actively saw that Henry was only trying to help HER & up until SHE suggested to help him so he could escape with her. ( Because El had witnessed Henry being tortured at this point thus knew he was in danger too ) It seems more likely that this was entirely for her benefit & Henry wasn’t initially planning his own escape. He tells her he can’t escape & she has to go on her own originally. I also want to note he doesn’t start killing people as soon as the chip is removed from his neck. Initially he tells El to run & they try to escape until they are cornered & he is not left with another choice.

Like, he really did think he was doing this great, heroic, caring thing & I think that should be clear. Again, keeping in mind since he was like 12 Henry had been a “prisoner” of Dr Brenner’s. He was literally kidnapped, his death falsified & he was imprisoned as a test subject. This was all entirely against Henry’s will. He was a child when this became his “life.” When Brenner realised Henry would never be a tool for him he routinely had him beaten into “submission” & forced him to work as a fake orderly where he had to watch Brenner attempt to find / create another him, except one who would be more susceptible to control. Henry had a fantasy in his mind from childhood that one day he would be free of all his oppressors, who would also be punished for what they had done to him. He had childish ideas of some heroic idealised figure coming & taking him away one day because that's how children think. But Henry remained in the facility until well into adult hood. He started to feel like he was trapped there & there was no escape for him. He tells El as much. His rebellion against Brenner seemed to be by freeing the other test subjects that were “like” him. Eg genuinely powerful & able to think independently of Dr Brenner. In El’s case it was because she was both a genuine powerhouse & because she was an outcast & the other test subjects would abuse her. We can assume El might not have been the only one Henry helped, given the escape of Kali / 008. When Henry saw El suffering abuse & plans were being made to seriously harm her he had to step in. He saved her & to his surprise El offered to him him in return. Henry didn’t plan to “trick” her, he showed her the way out. Had El not offered to help what would he have done ? Told her no she cant go suddenly ? It seems like he was content with just getting her out but when she offered to help him in return of her own accord suddenly Henry’s childhood dream of being saved was on the verge of reality, but now he's an adult & he’s with a child who needs his help too, they could help each other. This is why Henry didn’t just kill the decidedly abusive & deserving guards. He killed the other young test subjects as well, not because of truly personal beef with them. No. As an orderly Henry was regarded as quite kindly which think was genuine as it could be also knowing that he was a prisoner being forced to play a role. He killed them because it was becoming a known fact that they enjoyed bullying El, because even in an environment where El was suppose to be surrounded by her peers, El was excluded & set apart from them. She was different, she was “the real deal”. Henry related to this as someone who suffered the same treatment all his life as he too was considered “different”. Henry saw his own childhood bullies in those “other” test subjects. Henry & El were both “the real deal” who were being disrespected by others who hoped to beat & control them for their own benefit, taking their greater powers & using them for themselves.

Moreover, & equally importantly Henry knew that these children were more enemies than friends at this point & though their powers didn’t compare to his & El’s, Dr. Brenner could easily use them to relocate Henry & El if they could escape. The other text subjects would assist in this without question. The other children would do anything to please Papa. Like yes its VERY TRAGIC because yes despite all that the other test subjects were children & victims too & had the circumstances been different maybe they could have been saved as well but the circumstances weren't different. They were dire & they were desperate. Henry was doing what he believed he had to to make sure he & were free & could stay free. Henry knew that if he let El go on her own there was a chance Dr. Brenner would forget about it & that was his initial plan. But if he ever escaped Henry knew this changed things because Dr. Brenner would do everything in his power to relocate him & the power he had to do that lied with all the other test subjects. This is absolutely the case as we know Dr. Brenner kept searching for Henry after El banished him to the other world by using El’s heightened perceptions. It was ALWAYS Henry that Brenner wanted, Henry was the real ONE, the ORGINAL. Henry’s mistake was that he assumed El had the same type of worldly experience & understanding he had, or that he could make her understand what he meant. He assumed she hated the other test subjects for how they treated her, he assumed she understood how different she was & she needed someone to tell her she was great. He underestimated El’s lack of experience & understanding & Dr. Brenner’s manipulation.

Because El just didn’t have the kind of experience or knowledge he did. She was sheltered from most of the cruelty of society & while she suffered bullying from the other test subjects she probably perceived it as something she deserved, as a child with such underdeveloped & isolated understanding of self & autonomy. & other things I don’t know how to describe because I’m not that smart, but basically El was very sheltered & spent all her life in Brenner's facility where she wasn’t aware of & didn’t really have any experience with social norms & constructs, let alone negative ones that saw her shunned & outcast, with no hope of ever escaping the othering that had been forced on her, etc.

So she saw what Henry did as just mean & unnecessary & not helping her as he intended. All she could see was that Henry had killed a bunch of her “”friends / siblings”” & hurt her “Papa.” Its tragic that by the time El is mature & experienced enough to start to understand Henry’s own story & why he thinks the way he does & that Papa was always the real bad guy just like Henry had said, he’s become so “lost” to her. I don’t really get how people can think that ANYTHING that Henry told her was a lie or wasn’t right on the money.

“To your Papa you are nothing more than a monster, a lab rat to be tamed. But the truth, Eleven, the truth is just the opposite. You are better than they are – superior. That is why you frighten them. If you come with me for the first time in your life you will be free. Imagine what we can do together. We could reshape the world, remake it however we see fit. Join me.”

Like how are people really deciding that anything he said to her wasn’t a product of lived experience & real facts about actual systemic oppression. So let me touch on Henry’s early life. When I say I don’t think Henry is a psychopath I mean it. I think that was well displayed in canon if you paid attention to the fragments of his life prior to becoming “Vecna” that Henry was not a monster of any kind. There are A LOT of parallels directly made between Will & Henry & among them are that Henry was a quiet, “sensitive”, odd kid who didn’t fit in & was subject of ridicule due to this. With Henry this was emphasised due to his powers but a lot of this is metamorphic for the experiences of minority groups. ( The subtext being Henry seems to be neurodivergent & Will most likely being gay) His family moved in order to “start fresh” implied to be because of whatever Henry was going through wherever they lived before. I imagine he probably lashed out due to the general bullying & out-casting he experienced.

This turned out to be a major mistake because Henry’s powers made him susceptible to other-worldly entity we know as the mind-flayer & it just so happened that the Creel’s new home was in a place where the barrier between our world & the other world was thin. Now the aesthetic is kind of like haunted house, demonic force / possession type deal which is probably also a metaphor of demonization toward ND / mentally ill people & the old believes that ND / Mentally ill people are possessed by satan. But I don’t believe Henry was actually “”possessed"” by the Mind-flayer, so to speak, but he was already a lonely, isolated kid with the ability to do things others couldn’t & the entire world beefing with him because he was different & it was considered “Wrong”. Thus it was easy to prey on & “corrupt” him, so to speak. He wasn’t being controlled by it but he was being INFLUENCED by it. It was drawn to his powers & his pain & heightened everything. When the mind-flayer made contact with Henry it apparently boosted some of his powers. Namely it coached him to see into peoples minds & in my headcanon it coached him to search for dark, negative, hateful thoughts & memories inside of people because these are the energies the mind-flayer feeds on. This continues on into Henry’s existence as Vecna. Max explains that Henry cannot seem to see the good in anyone & he can only find the darkness. I feel like a lot of this has to do with the mind-flayers malicious force. So this was a toxic combination when Henry started to read the thoughts & memories of his family. With his mother he became aware hated him & was afraid of him but worst of all she was planning to him him committed. His sister was much the same & someone who he was already envious of because she was “normal” & cherished for it & his then there was his father who he was also he sadly turned on due to his father being a war veteran who had done & seen HORRFIC things in the war that Henry was forced to be privy to by seeing his mind & memories. So as a result, even if Henry’s father cared about him it wasn’t hard to make young Henry afraid of him & see him as monster & a hypocrite due to the things he did during the war & the fact it would be implied that Victor was probably aware of Virginia’s desire to commit Henry & its unclear if he did anything to oppose this. Again, all these negative thoughts & feelings were emphasised by the mind-flayers presence. Keep in mind, this is the 50s, an era not known for its kindness & fairness to the “mentally ill” & the neurodivergent, the latter of which I think is clearly displayed to be where Henry sits. Personally, I couldn’t think of a single more terrifying prospect in that era than to know one of your family members was gonna hand you over to an institution. Especially that family member being your own mother & you’re really just a kid. I mean even if Henry as a child wasn’t able to understand the true scope of horrors he would have been being set up to experience it would have been painful & terrifying enough to learn that your mother just wanted to get rid of you deep down inside. & that everyone was judging you as “broken” & “wrong” while they were guilty of terrible things like Henry’s father’s “mistakes” during the war. ( side note, in my headcanon a parallel between Henry & El is the memories of their mothers. When Henry tells El to find strength in a memory, one that makes he sad but also angry, she thinks of being taken away from her loving mother. For Henry ? His memory is the day he found out his mother didn’t love him & wanted to get rid of him. Henry is the one who learned to channel his powers through hurt, sadness & rage. & even as Vecna that is the true source of Henry’s overwhelming power. )

So with everyone against him & the future of being handed over to an institution, yeah, Henry killed his mother & sister & let his father take the fall in the hopes of escaping. A terrible thing to do, sure, but not one done out of a complete lack of remorse or some kind of psychopathy. It was more something done out of fear, sadness & anger that felt like his only option. Self preservation. Guided by the hand of a malicious otherworldly entity. It was also confirmed in the final ep that the shape of the mind-flayer is Henry’s own design. Given it was his only “company” during this period of his childhood he imagined this guiding “presence” as something he found enjoyable & comforting, which was a spider, as he was very fascinated & soothed by spiders as something that was clearly a “special interest” of his. He perceived spiders to be artistic loners just like him. This thought was also later darkened & corrupted by the mind -flayer when Henry starts to think of himself due to his powers as a predator, like a spider who’s purpose was to cull the insects of the world which is how Vecna comes to be.

We see the ultimate example of this when Henry does finally find the mind-flayers real form in the upside down. He instantly morphs it into the shape he imagined it in during his childhood ( the spider-like shape he drew it as ) which is what we’ve seen it represented as throughout the series. I had a whole HC / theory up about how Henry shaped the upside down just as much as it shaped him which is the facts but I’m not gonna bother to rewrite that because it all turned out to be completely canon, so I don’t really need to go back into all of that I don’t think.

Also, thanks to Jamie talking about how Henry isn’t a monster, but his life experiences essentially turned him into one & therefore he is very sympathetic toward his own character ( THANKS, KING ), I’m not done yet & I’m gonna now talk about Henry’s self-label of “solitary” creature & his comfort in relating to spiders. Jamie basically said Henry has spent his life only ever knowing scorn, rejection & exile from others. Whether imposed by others or self-imposed to cope / feel safe. I noticed a lot of people take Henry’s interest & relation to spiders as scary & proof of “psychopathy”, because they think of spiders as scary, weird things that need to be avoided or eradicated; they're just not viewed as living creatures worthy of respect or sympathy, despite the fact they very much are. & Henry literally says himself this is why he relates to them, because they’re a misunderstood creature, because people have treated him the same way, he takes comfort in being able to relate to something so much & he finds them inspiring as a result. He draws strength from them because they're his special interest, his comfort thing, he looks at a spider & someway, somehow, & don’t even ask me to explain in depth how, its just the autistic experience; the girls that get it get it, the girls that don't don't, he feels safe, he feels elated to know this thing exists & the only thing that's topping that feeling is the feeling of “I am like that thing!”. That makes him feel less alone, more empowered. Even if the thing he's related to is a spider & not another human being. A lot of people have boiled the whole thing down to “Spiders kill things, spiders are scary, spiders are unrelatable, spiders are emotionless = Henry loves killing people, he is a remorseless, evil sadistic psychopathic monster since his childhood, he is scary.” & it drives me a little nuts but rather than write up a whole new thing about it I’m just gonna copy paste something from my multi where I talked about this a few days ago because like Henry I am very abnormal & I need to rant about my discomforts & my villain origin story !

WHICH kinda brings me to thoughts about villains like Henry / Vecna. Henry & Wesker are VERY ALIKE but the difference is Henry’s “motives” are more “powerful” because they’re coming from a more meaningful place. A place of lived oppression & a hopeless lack of reprieve from it. I think something that is overlooked about Henry is that he was a neurodivergent child living in the hell scape of the 1950s. While this is kinda in subtext it came across very bluntly to me that Henry, beyond the "ooo spooky psychic powers” stuff, was suppose to be autistic. While Henry’s psychic powers & his “connection” with some evil influencing entity take the “spotlight” due to being a horror based series, we know such powerful psychic abilities & hopefully evil entities are not real, or at least are not a common societal struggle. Autism is however a VERY real & very common thing for people to struggle with & a very real source of social stigmatisation, & a lot of Henry’s struggles were as closely tied to his autism as his telekinetic abilities & the mind-flayer's insidious influence within his life. Like, the demonic presence & psychic abilities are there for the sake of the horror genre but all of this is super metaphoric to the demonization, the oppression & the struggle of the neurodivergent & mentally ill, particularly back in the time period that Henry exists within, in which these types of oppressions were hyper-emphasised. I think a lot of people kind of miss that these time periods, in the western world, were utter hell for anyone who didn’t or often times COULDN’T fit what was deemed to be “normal” by a heavily bias & prejudicial, power structure. This was a time when anything that was labelled “abnormal” was considered worthy of destruction. Whether by outright murder or by fucked up attempts to FORCE conformity & invisibility out of the non-conforming thing. Henry EXPLICTLY talks about the flawed & artificial constructs of human society, his inability to fit them, his discontent & struggle with the expectation to do so & the completely abysmal state of the world through the eyes & experiences of people like him & the fact this shouldn’t have to be a thing & his aspirations to use his powers to change it, SO why anyone thinks that this characters is nothing more than a psychopath who likes killing for the lols is beyond me. These motives are still present even as Vecna, they’re just very heavily warped by the unfortunate state of lichdom; the becoming an undead, supernatural being of terror. Vecna’s methods are wrong & evil. He is ultimately murdering innocent teenagers & like everyone else to be fair, like despite the memes, the v-man is pretty indiscriminate to achieve his goals but its a case of, again, being supernaturally poisoned by an evil entity that, in his continuous rejection & exile from everyone else, he willing embraced as the only thing that presented itself to him as a friend & an ally to help him in his goal. You could also say that Vecna’s goals are possibly not going to be as benign to humanity as he may have originally intended them to be when he was still human, but his motives & origin still remain & make him tragic as opposed to just being a psychopathic monster. Because the thing about villains like Henry & even Wesker is the things that made them what they are are the most terrifying & monstrous of all. These things are as at fault & to blame as the characters actions themselves, if not more so, as the absence of these very real & painful evils would mean neither Henry or Wesker would ever be driven to the places they were that made them the villains / antagonists they are in the first place.

Henry’s actual quotes, furthermore:

"Most people fear spiders. They detest them. And yet I found them endlessly fascinating. More than that I found a great comfort in them – a kinship. Like me they are solitary creatures and deeply misunderstood. They are gods of our world, the most important of all predators. They immobilize and feed on the weak, bringing balance and order to an unstable ecosystem."

"You see, humans… are a unique type of pest; multiplying and poisoning our world, all while enforcing a structure of their own. A deeply unnatural structure. Where others saw order, I saw a straitjacket. A cruel, oppressive world dictated by made-up rules. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, decades! Each life a faded, lesser copy of the one before! WAKE UP, EAT, WORK, SLEEP, REPRODUCE, AND DIE! Everyone… is just waiting… waiting… for it all to be over, all while performing in a silly, terrible play, day after day. I could not do that. I could not close off my mind and join in the madness; I could not… pretend."

He spat straight facts about the experience & unending stress of anyone who cannot conform to societal norms, anyone who doesn’t live up to societies expectations & the restrictive, unfair standards of what's ‘good’ & ‘right’ vs what isn’t as these standards DO NOT apply to everyone, are largely unnatural & that its downright evil to try an enforce them on everyone since its almost impossible for everyone to fit the “mold”, because its heavily bias & flawed from the start. He's trying to say this is all nonsense thats been made up by evil, bigoted stupid people in power. He’s talking about the real struggle “othered” people face against systematic oppression. He’s trying to say that a spider is considered an important part of the ecosystem. They fit in whether people like it or not & despite their “differences” they have a valuable role in bringing order to the natural world. He’s not saying he wants to murder people because he finds it funny & he’s a sadistic freak, he’s ensuring himself he belongs & he’s trying to illustrate that someone with powers like his would be able to fight & perhaps dismantle the painful, oppressive system that is currently in place & bring about balance. Equality. If he has to eat a couple of insects to do it, so be it. He also specifies that he wants to be a predator BUT FOR GOOD. The last part is VERY IMPORTANT. He’s not saying he wants to murder people because its fun, he’s literally saying he wants to do good. WHICH SOUNDS FANTASTIC IN THEORY but I think he was being extremely optimistic, which makes a lot of sense given, despite Henry having so much more life experience than El, he’s still been pretty sheltered by being trapped in a lab for 20 years & just generally holding on to this big dream of his that regardless to being a fairly noble aspiration at its core, is probably going to be more of a chore than he thinks, BUT maybe that's my own pessimism speaking & either way that's another discussion / post for another time particularly for AU scenarios because we also know canonly that Henry as Vecna is no longer as restrained or benign as he once intended to be. Or at least I don’t think he is. He’s lost the sense of & the attachment to humanity he once had. I’m super interested to see where he goes in s5 thats for sure.

#⊰ ° ‧: ｡* ⚘ 💀 ━◞ Out Of Character ⊱#⊰ ° ‧: ｡* ⚘ 💀 ━◞ 𝓜𝓾𝓼𝓮 ↝ Henry ⊱#⊰ ° ‧: ｡* ⚘ 💀 ━◞ 𝓗𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓬𝓪𝓷𝓸𝓷𝓼 ↝ Henry ⊱#henry headcanons #⊰ ° ‧: ｡* ⚘ 💀 ━◞ 𝓕𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓸𝓶 ↝ Stranger Things ⊱#sorry this is so random he was scratching my brain again smh

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autistic-ace-bee · 3 years ago

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I hope this question doesn't bother or make you uncomfortable and I'm sorry if otherwise, but how do you ask your parents to take you to the doctor to check if I have adhd or depression. I've been feeling that I have those two and want to know for sure but I don't know how to tell them so an appointment can be scheduled.

Aside from that I don't fully trust the doctors in my place because most of them are those people who say you can pray mental illness away :// I was taken to a psychiatrist before and that's what the doctor did, he never let me talk about my feelings or trauma and just let my parents rant about everything they found wrong with me and made me take sleeping pills.

So if I don't get diagnosed with either I don't fully think it's 100 percent accurate. Sorry for the rant I just really don't know what to do, I want to know if I really have them but aside from needing to ask my parents to schedule an appointment to unreliable doctors I just wonder if anything good will come out of me trying.

i think if you want to try, you should. My advice probably won't be that helpful bc honestly I didn't really have to do anything to get my diagnoses. it was kind of... really, really obvious. and my doctors werent ass-talking dumb fucks. Idk how old you are or where youre from or what your circumstances are but it might be worth looking into booking the appointment without your parents overseeing it. The only thing I can really recommend is doing your research on ADHD and depression and writing down and listing out the symptoms you relate to, and then just being really hella persistent with telling your parents and the doctors. I definitely think its worth it to keep pushing it, but if it's too hard, it might be worth waiting until youre more independent or at least old enough that you can book your own doctors appointments are you saying your parents were in the room with you for your therapy? I'm pretty sure you can request to see a different therapist if the one you currently have/have in the future isn't working for you, and try to get their email so you can message them in private if your parents are sitting in on your session and talking over you and you dont want them there but cant say that with them there.

obviously a diagnosis is great, but plenty of people dont have one and thats fine! as long as you can recognise the symptoms in yourself, you can do your own research and finding coping strategies to help with whatever symptoms you present. until you can get your diagnosis and proper support, I recommend things like keeping a diary and trying to maintain a proper sleep schedule and diet and making sure to get exercise like at least one walk a week. It's all pretty standard stuff but it can make a big difference for depressive symptoms, and keeping a diary is really useful for understanding how you feel and your triggers and figuring out coping strategies. you dont need to write in the diary every day, just when you're upset! also finding a creative activity can be really helpful, even if you just grab a pen and doodle on yourself. screaming is fun. dancing is fun! I've been depressed but I don't actually have depression per say so definitely read up on coping strategies rather than taking me at my word! but yes. diagnoses are great, but if youre circumstances wont permit it, please know that there are a wealth of resources out there for you to read, and that they can actually be really useful! and youre always free to rant here if you want I can try to be somewhat useful if you want or just listen =^-^=

as for how to actually broach the subject with your parents... I would probably say something like "Could you take me to the doctors? I haven't been feeling that well." and then when they press it like "what, do you have a cold?" you'd go onto say something like "I've just been feeling really tired and fatigued, like I just don't have the energy." I would specifically phrase it this way because it's kinda vague, but if you want you can go from there into how you think you might have depression & ADHD, or you can just leave it at that, say something about having a chemical imbalance or iron deficiency or something, if you think they might not take you if it's because of mental health rather than physical health.

But yeah! if youre going to have the conversation about having ADHD & depression with people who are... not the most accepting/understanding, you might want to prepare to fight for yourself, and to do so you need adequate preparation and at least some understanding of your symptoms. If your parents or doctors say "but you dont show XYZ symptom" be ready to combat it with "having that symptom isnt a requirement, everyone's symptoms present differently."

Honestly, at the end of the day if you can see yourself as having ADHD or depression, chances are you probably do. And if you don't but can relate to the symptoms, then coping strategies used to deal with them will be just as useful for you, and that's what really matters. your self-diagnosis is perfectly valid! you know yourself best after all

#anon my beloved <33 #if you have more questions id be happy to help!#tbh i dont think im that useful for this particular issue. my mum just saw how depressed i was and took me to a therapist who then realised #i was autistic #idk if it was easy for me bc of my country or what but #definitely helped that i was white #also fck those doctors i cannot stand stupidass people working in health care who dont believe mental illness is an actual disease #long post

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00gangfriend00 · 4 years ago

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I was tagged by @jade-marie and @bourbon-ontherocks to list my top 10 books fics I read in 2020.

and lemme tell you..

i’ve been WAITIN’ for this one!!

This IS a bit tricky because I spent most of 2020 just lurking on AO3, no acccount, no commenting, no kudos. so there are just so so so many fics that I remember pieces of, and have little headcanons that LIVE with me but I have no idea who the author is or what the fic is called.

so.. that being said, the top 10 is ever changing and could never be fully complete. I just love every author and every fic, you are all so wildly talented.

❤ a song inside the halls of the dark - ms_scarlet (@mego42 )

This fic has everything!! a sexy ex-lover rival gang leader, relaxed rio, angry rio, angsty kitchen sex rio. LOFT rio. AND it’s my favourite post-S2 reckoning of all time. There are moments in this fic that I just want to SPAM the gg writing room with. like scrap ur plans. DO. THIS. Overall, this is such a creative and well-written series. The characterization is superb, the smut has.... so many feelings, and the angst is AMAZING. There are a couple chapters (I wont give spoilers) that involves Beth in a hotel in Canada that I legit could not stop reading. it’s just all... so damn GOOD. favourite line: You thought I could be something, right? Well, this is that something. The bitch you trained bit back.

❤ we’re living in a powder keg and giving off sparks - BourbonOnTheRocks (@bourbon-ontherocks)

Whew! this fic has EVERYTHING. safe house brio. KARMA. brio ignoring each other. snippy, cranky brio. baking shows. mick overhearing loud shower sex. zero communication. brio getting high and giggling! all the feelings. I looooove this fic. like I LOVE it. it's so creative and it feels so real!! I can play it like a movie in my head. There is so much fun smutty build up, so much tension, anxiety and a very, very, good Thaw Of Feelings which is my fav. I will forever have a soft spot for safe house fics, but this one hilariously twists the trope by doubling down on their idiot stubbornness. genius. favourite line: He's using her and she's using him. Maybe it's the only thing they're truly equal at.

❤ my girl - elizabethmarks (not on tumblr?)

This fic has everything!!!!!!! (but TW that everything is not for everyone, as the plot primarily revoles around a rape scene.) This fic sets up some of the most soft, emotional, protective brio moments. I also adore how this author handles the delicate subject matter. I work from time to time as a crisis advcate for women and ...... this fic is so accurate and well written. All the emotions beth feels, the way rio reacts to her. everything. I have read this SO many times. It also inludes a Mick POV that will TUG at your HEART. favourite line: *When on route to Rio’s loft* Rio nods, with that gentle look he has. "Alright, mama. Let's get you home." There's a beat, they both catch it, but neither of them make the correction.

❤ working on things - odenkirk (not on tumblr?)

THIS fic, now this fic has everything!!!!!!!!! masturbation! sexting! weed-smokin horny rio! DEAN?!??! in a way that didnt repulse me???? SEX. kinda threesome??? a heck of a lot of things that I didnt think id be into but then read it and was like HUH, guess i AM. and last but not least, deliciously perfect characterization. This is a fic I ask you to take a risk on. It will pay off. Its fun and oooh soooooooo sexy. Yes, dean goes to pound town too, but I promise- odenkirk makes it WORK. Blush meter: off the charts. I had to put my phone down and reckon with Jesus. favourite line: Rio: Don't get precious, sweetheart. It's you cuz it's you. AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

❤ miles before you sleep - FakePlastikTrees (@nakedmonkey)

THIS AUTHOR has EVERYTHING! FakePlastikTrees is one of those authors where... I read one fic - then buckled my seatbelt and clicked on her account so I could systematically read through every. single. fic. They are often short scenes that feel so true. Her Rio characterization makes me green with (benevolent) envy. and her smut?? oof. top notch. This fic in particular lives in my heart because it really truly feels like a missing GG scene between Beth and our favourite tattooed babysitter. The atmosphere is tangible and the author slows time down for these two, it stretches out like you are smokin in the suburbs with them. I love a MickFic and this one is top tier.

favourite line: “Oh come on. He’s a little unhinged.” “Takes one to know one.”

❤ people can be so cold - s_t_c_s (@sothischickshe)

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh this fic has EVERYTHING. scrabble competitiveness! annie speaking truths! christmas beth! christmas rio?!?! delicious bickering! CABIN isolation! gift giving perfection! I could go on and on and on. This fic just pulls you straight in. stcs crafts the timeline so effortlessly, and weaves it with so many endearing and authentic feeling details (beth has her own ‘guys’ now, and we know this bc she gives them sweets and food. OF COURSE) The longing between her and rio is so RICH. if you want your heart to swell a million sizes - this is the fic for you. favourite line: They hadn’t – been intimate yet, back when she got him arrested, or the first few times he’d shoved a gun in her face. And the sexual part had been all done and dusted prior to their, god, kidnapping and shooting fiasco. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t present throughout – a hovering spectre, forming a treacherous spine through all their endeavours.

❤ listening through the air shaft - ms_scarlet (@mego42)

now this fic. actually for real, has everything. because its every POV you never knew you NEEDED. and mego42 absolutely nails each and every one. especially Dean. Its a complicated look into his blubbering sexist mind, and misguided fixations that is really well-written. The way in which brio has their own arc throughout the chapters, but told through the eyes of those around them - is amazing. this fic just makes you love every character even MORE. favourite line: well.. annie, mick and ruby have a group chat and thats all you need to know. anytime that comes up = favourite line.

❤ instigator - nomind (@inyoursheets)

be still my bisexual heart. this fic has everyONE! Yes, this fic dissolves into perfect threesome smut BUT before you get there, you get this awesome set up of a dangerous-feeling connection between Rhea and Beth. They are honest, open and fully acknowledging the fuckedupness of their desire. For how small a part Rhea has in the show - this author NAILS her voice, it’s uncanny. Both of them talking about rio? sign me up. Rio coming home to it? sign me UP. favourite line: “Jesus,” she hears behind her. “What am I looking at right now?” Rhea smiles down on her, ignoring him, running her fingers through Beth’s hair.

** shout out to another be-still-my-bi-heart fic : @sothischickshe’s “its a dirty, dirty, game”

❤ do not pass go - linzackles @mrslackles

this. fic. has. every. thing. I am currently putting every single important thing in my life on hold to PLOUGH through this series. like full speed ahead. UGH. marcus!!! beth and rio at an event! a fancy one! big bad business dudes! betrayal! beth making bad choices! rio unable to fully communicate the weight of his desire for her! angst! just excellent, excellent, excellent plots. i like everything!!!!! favourite line: truly impossible. they are all art. but this one made me cackle. Shrugging, she responds. In the bathroom, eating nuts.Annie’s reply comes through instantly. Rio’s???????

❤ meet me under the mistletoe - sdktrs12 (@sdktrs12)

this fic.... has.... everything. I want to include this not only because I loooOoOOOved it, but also because this author just has a talent for creating holiday themed brio fics that are not in the slightest cheesy, or forced. which is... hard! to! do! I read her halloween series while in quarantine, and it became apart of my little daily routine. each fic containing at least one moment that made me go AHHH these two!!!!! so in short - thanks for infusing all my holidays with stellar brio. then christmas comes around and she nails it again! beth and rio begrudgingly working late? YES. they migh each have a date but they dont DARE talk abut their jealously? YES. Bourbon as a third character? haha YES! Beth looking smokin hot? YES. favourite line: “Is that your move? Meet me under the mistletoe?” “Oh baby, you know my moves.”

and PHEW. there ya go!

Thank you amazing fanfic authors for making my year 10000000% better.

I TAG @whiskeyjack @purplemagic @sdktrs12 @joeyjoeylee @ama-ssiempre @roxy206

#favfics #nbc goodgirls #good girls fic #good girls fandom #top10fics

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arysthaeniru · 4 years ago

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aAAA the joy of seeing an update on your current favorite fanfic is just aAAA

I always felt that kiwami 1s Nishiki was just a bit too,, I dont know how to describe it; but essentially he just felt off, granted yakuza 1 is a product of its time and therefore the plot is a bit dated and whack as all hell

The way you write Nishiki just feels so much better and realistic; in the original he just seems so uncaring towards Kiryu? which just feels kinda OOC? You'd think he still cares about Kiryu despite it all, especially when you take Yakuza 0 into consideration; and i feel like you portray Nishiki much more accurately

I never thought much about Yumi, because honestly, in the original she was kinda just, there? You actually made her a very interesting person! like I'm actually invested in her in your story! (side note you ever think about her clone who got tortued and died? yeah who WAS that???? thats never brought up is it??)

Theres so much more to talk about but in short; This is the best fix it/rewrite of a game plot I have read to date and it brings me joy in my current stressful school life. and no I will not stop praising it or the author, because this work has made me very happy. ;)

I just have a gift for picking favorites that end up dying,,aand another favorite of mine is Mine

imo theres a lack of soft, reassuring Minedai, i just feel like he'd need a reminder that people love him as a person and not just for the money he can provide, even if its obvious

I'd love to see how you'd write them, but I understand if theres more interesting/appealing drabble requests!

- Carp

CARP, thank you for this <3 this is so sweet!!!!! I’m so happy you enjoy my Nishiki! I had fun playing with what Yakuza 0/the Kiwami additions gave us about Nishiki’s personality and outlook on the world, and trying to reconcile that with the plot that Yakuza 1 initially had. Ultimately, I fell on the side that you did: even if Nishiki’s ambition took him down a monstrous path, I don’t think he’s the sort of person who neglects to pay back his debts. And he’s aware of the huge debt he owes Kiryu. Not to mention, their bonds of trust and love vanishing completely because of jealousy felt unreal to me. Their relationship becoming twisted or strange? Yes, but vanishing entirely felt unsatsifying to me.

And Yumi!! I had so much fun excavating her character from the clues we get of her in canon. I worry sometimes, that she’s unrecognizable, because you know, I’ve given her a college education, and a whole bunch of interests beyond hostessing alone, but people seem to like it and like her, which is great!! I hate fridging women characters, so keeping her and Reina alive was important to me, hahaha. (RE: fake!Mizuki, there’s this substory in Kiwami that actually addresses who she was, BUT IT’S EVEN MORE HORRIFYING. So that’s why Yumi in my fic is the one captured and tortured by Nishiki’s men, because the thought of this poor innocent woman getting dragged into the mess was just untenable to me.)

Anyway, thank you for your support and kind words, and I hope you’ll continue to read and that my fic can continue to relieve stress. I--tried to write this about Mine, but Daigo kind of stole the spotlight a little??? I hope you still like it--if not, I will try a ficlet from Mine’s perspective too. I enjoy minedai a lot, but I haven’t had room to think out their dynamic yet, so this took me a while.

Daigo’s no stranger to being desired. He’s attractive, he knows this—his mother’s beauty lives in his veins, and he’s always had the money to look after himself. Fancy soaps to wash his face, the invisible retainers to keep his teeth straight, fancy suits and skin-tight shirts to show off his frame. For all that Kiryu insists his charisma is something that comes from the soul, Daigo knows it wouldn’t be able to draw the sort of attention he does without being attractive.

Which is to say that Daigo’s not especially thrown off by the intensity of Mine’s gaze. It’s happened before, and it’ll happen again. The thing that surprises him is how much he relishes in being seen by Mine.

Maybe it’s because Mine’s an island in a stormy sea, one of the only yakuza his age who’s sensible and level-headed enough to make it big. Maybe it’s because Mine’s gaze is always so reserved, polite, never overly lusty or overstaying its welcome, and Daigo has so rarely been desired so quietly. Or maybe it’s because Majima and Kashiwagi so clearly disapprove of him—Daigo’s always been something of a rebel, and he hasn’t shaken that off, even now he’s in his thirties and is the arbiter of rules for the Tojo Clan.

Daigo can’t quite put a pin on why he’s so comfortable with Mine’s yearning looks, but he’s never been one to hold back when he wants to indulge in something good. Not exactly a hedonist, not by yakuza standards, but Daigo has never kept himself from enjoying life, in the name of some dubious ‘honour.’

Which is why, in an after-hours meeting with Mine, as they eat cheap takeout sushi together, Daigo takes his chance. A momentary slip, the slightest hint of wasabi left at the corners of Mine’s lips and Daigo swoops in, rubs a thumb over the corner of Mine’s lips. Mine stutters to a stop, mid-sentence through a rundown of the real-estate that the Hakuho Clan’s been purchasing up, and stares at Daigo, eyes bewildered.

“Sixth Chairman?” he asks, his voice still remarkably composed.

“Wasabi.” Daigo says, nonchalantly, as if it’s nothing, and sticks his thumb into his mouth, slowly licking it off with a lingering lave of his tongue. He feels a sharp stab of satisfaction as Mine’s eyes turn darker, and his gaze follows Daigo’s hand down.

Daigo straightens up, languidly, and cracks his neck, casually. At this point in the day, he’s untucked his shirt, and he knows that a slight strip of his stomach will be visible when he stretches out his arms towards the ceiling. And as predictably as clockwork, Mine’s gaze darts downwards, to that pale expanse, to catch that brief second of skin. Daigo can’t help but feel warm. Something about being watched by Mine is exhilarating.

“Smoke?” offers Daigo, but as usual, Mine refuses, with a polite shake of his head.

Daigo knows from hearsay that Mine’s something a health-freak, so he’s not entirely surprised. It’s already too late for Daigo to preserve his health—he knows that his liver’s already been pretty ruined from long nights of binge-drinking as a youth, and this job’s too stressful to withhold from vices like smoking and drinking, without an optimal end-goal. So he walks over to the window, cracks it open a little, and lights up.

The breath of nicotine curls over his body, a tender caress, and Daigo feels his shoulders drop, as the relaxation hits. He pulls off his cufflinks, tosses them into his pockets and rolls up his sleeves. He takes it slow, runs his fingers over his skin a little more than strictly necessary. Surreptitiously checking the reflection in the window, Daigo watches Mine watch him, and smirks at how intense that gaze is, how Mine’s mouth has opened, and Daigo can just see the soft pink of his tongue.

“Dojima’s just fine, you know. When it’s just us two.” Daigo says, turning over his shoulder. He smiles, one of those charming smiles that had always gotten him whatever he wanted as a child, “We’re same-aged friends, after all.”

“Dojima-san.” Mine acknowledges, after a brief pause.

Daigo turns around, to properly look at Mine and lifts an eyebrow. “Dojima. Or Daigo, preferably. Dojima-san’s always my father in my head.”

Mine nods, face impassive. Daigo can’t read him like this. Maybe that’s why he likes when Mine stares at him, filled with longing. At least then, Daigo feels like he knows him. In moments like these, his implacable gazes might as well be a brick wall. “Right. Your Father was also in the Tojo Clan.”

Daigo smiles, wryly, and blows out a puff of smoke. “One of the most horrible men I’ve ever had the misfortune of meeting—and I had to call him Father. But damn if he wasn’t good at the job.” He sighs and stubs the cigarette out against the ashtray. “...sometimes feel like I’m competing with his dead spirit. Everybody’s looking at me and wondering if this is what my Father would do. Or what Kiryu-san would do.”

“You’re doing better than any of them.” Mine says, immediately, with a vicious ferocity that Daigo wasn’t expecting. He can’t quite stop his eyebrows rising in surprise, and Mine straightens upwards, looking self-conscious immediately. Daigo regrets his instinctual reaction, immediately. “That is to say, Dojima, that I think that you’ve pulled this Clan into somewhere far more respectable. From what I’ve heard of your Father, he didn’t have the temperament to do proper business on this level—too insistent on formal obeisance and unable to be flexible as the times require. And Kiryu-san might be very honourable, but we are yakuza. There are certain things you have to do as a Chairman, that he couldn’t bring himself to do. But you are practical and do what is necessary, while also not overstepping into excessive violence. You are uniquely suited for this job, Dojima.”

...he’s taken aback a little, he can’t deny it. Daigo wonders if his cheeks are colouring, wonders if his obvious shock is offputting, wonders if this is how Mine feels every time Daigo teases him lightly about his obvious attraction. A startling warmth spreads through his chest, and Daigo can’t stop the slight smile that touches his face. Has anybody ever said something so unreservedly kind and measured about Daigo before?

Maybe this is the difference between everybody else’s gazes on him, and Mine’s gaze. It’s based on something more than desire alone. Respect.

Daigo runs a hand over his slicked-back hair and ruffles it free, with a rueful smile, a smile that he couldn’t take away from his face, even if he tried. “I appreciate that. You know I couldn’t do it without you, right?”

He’d never really believed himself capable of attraction to a man like Mine. All of his previous childhood crushes had been on bright, cheerful conversational, pure-hearted people. Daigo had always figured they would balance out his sardonic cynicism. He’d never thought someone as reserved and principled as Mine would ever make his heart flutter. But then, there was something about that deep hunger and passion that Daigo craved. Perhaps it was because he was no longer the gloomy punk of his youth. Maybe his tastes have changed towards tall, dark and handsome. Maybe Mine’s just that special.

“Dojima—” Mine says, clearly trying to refute it, but Daigo cuts him off.

“I mean it. Everybody in this fucking Clan wants me to do something or be somebody else. Kashiwagi-san wants me to be my mother. Majima-san wants me to be Kiryu-san. Everybody else expects my Father. But not you. You deal with me honestly, and with candour, and never hold any expectations against me except success. I appreciate your faith in me.” Daigo takes a couple of steps forward, until his shoes almost brush up against Mine’s own. He leans down over Mine’s chair. “I could not do this without your backing and help. Truly. I don’t think I’ve ever had someone like you in my life. A true friend.”

Mine tilts his chin up to meet Daigo’s gaze, a hungry devotion in his eyes, and Daigo, for a moment, wonders if this is wrong. If he should hold back, like Kiryu would. But Daigo is Daigo, and Mine clearly wants him anyway, so he leans down and kisses him.

Mine’s mouth is velvety smooth and wet and hot and it is oh-so satisfying a feeling to put his hand against Mine’s broad neck and feel his warmth up against Daigo. He pulls back, with a satisfied sigh, and feels the burn of wasabi across his lips, a final parting kick.

#minedai #mine yoshitaka #dojima daigo #spiraling downhill fic tag #yakuza #rgg

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trashcreatyre · 4 years ago

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I'm gonna explain one of my TMA playlists bc I've been wanting to do that for several months, and how else am I supposed to procrastinate my animatic project at one in the morning?

(here's the link to the playlist bc I think its pretty slappin')

General:

Body Terror Song By AJJ-

I know that it could technically be a flesh song, but I feel like its a bit more vague than that? if that makes sense?

The Afternoon By Lemon Demon-

there's gonna be a lot of Lemon Demon songs in this lol- This one is also pretty vague, but for some reason it kinda reminds me of Michael specifically? I don't 100% know how to describe it.

thrifted youth By dalynn-

Most of the descriptions/reasonings in the general section are pretty simplistic and vague huh? I guess it just kinda fits the vibe? I might be saying that for a lot of the general ones-

Aurora Borealis By Lemon Demon-

this one reminds me of the season five, kinda feels like a jmart song. (also you'll probably notice that there's not much in the ship theme in this playlist. I like to keep my ship playlists separate from my more general ones, don't know why.)

Under My Skin By Jukebox The Ghost-

just kinda fits the vibe y'know? other than that I don't really know.

Turn the Lights Off By Tally Hall-

i can't actually remember why I put this one specifically- that's a bit unfortunate-

When He Died By Lemon Demon-

This one mostly just fits the vibe, makes me think about the really old Victorian era statements.

Ancient Aliens By Lemon Demon-

again, fits the vibe.

She Doesn't Sleep By Anthony Amorim-

Feels like a random statement tbh. also reminds me of Not!Sasha too.

Nightmare Fuel By Lemon Demon-

funky song- fits the vibe- I don't know what more I can say-

Everybody Loves Me by OneRepublic-

I don't remember actually???? I think It was an Elias one??? but thinking about it now that doesn't really make much sense???? I'm gonna keep it tho, fits the vibe, at least it does to me.

Bloody Nose By Jack Conte-

fits the vibe :)

Christmas Kids By Roar-

I think I saw an animatic to this one time? now I can only think of the season one archival staff,,,, my beloveds,,,,

La nuit en matin By OH MU-

imma be honest, I have no idea what this one's actually about, but It lowkey reminds me of the intro music during end of season three- y'know, the clown vibes :D

9 to 5 By Dolly Parton-

Archival staff moment

American Healthcare By Penelope Scott-

I guess it could technically be seen as an End themed one? but I put it on bc I felt like it fit the vibes (are you getting sick of reading vibes? i'm getting sick of typing it)

Butch 4 Butch By Rio Romeo-

mostly just the rat filled piano line,,,,,, and also it fits the vibes to me.

Oblivion By Grimes-

Kinda feels like a statement?? In a way?

Murders By Miracle Musical-

the vibes. hopefully thats the last time i type that for this-

oh yeah woo yeah, we're onto the specific Entities now B) lets start with the one that probably has the most, if not, it sure feels like it-

The Spiral:

Spiral Eyes By Rewenge-

yeahhhh,,,, I know it doesn't really fit the vibes all that well, But the title fits and I like it so-

The Distortionist By Ghost and Pals-

this one is SUPER obvious, but it fits REALLY well in my mind.

Out of Her Head (Outerlude) [From The Film Possibly in Michigan] By Korban Baxter-

I can literally picture this one- I lowkey wanna do an animatic of this one one day.

A Crow's Trial By Vane Lily-

OKAY- so this last one is because it's the song from an absolutely GORGEOUS animation/animatic by Akidachi on YouTube, I ADORE this animation. please watch it omg-

again, I'm like, 90% sure that The Spiral has the most songs on this playlist, definitely not a bias or anything. next up is the mf uhhhh-

The Corruption:

Spiral of Ants By Lemon Demon-

no explanation needed.

Maggot By Slutever-

Mostly just the name, but it's a good song too so-

Sick On Seventh Street By Sarah and the Safe Word-

fits the vibe title and actual song wise.

in retrospect under my skin probably could be here-

The Web:

Redesign Your Logo (Bonus Track) By Lemon Demon-

Feels like a very web song,,,

Boris The Spider By The Who-

Spider,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Spider Dance By Toby Fox-

Yes,,, like from undertale,,,,,,,

i think thats it for the web (i swore there were more,,,,)

The Lonely:

Nobody By Mitski-

C'mon, you didn't think I WOULDN'T put this one on, did you?

This December By Ricky Montgomery-

idk what it is exactly about this one, just,,,, feels correct?

Blue Jay Way By The Beatles-

MANNNNNNN- i love this song, my mom hates it- that's unrelated- but I always just feel like there's fog or like, an eerie sea, or something- while listening to it. it feels very lonely-

I'm a Member of the Midnight Crew (1909) By Eddie Morton-

I have no idea why spotify suggested this song to me, but I will never not find it funny. Anyway- reminds me of the crew on Peter's ship :)

The Stranger:

Rattlesnake By Kabaret Sybarit-

Idk, feels like smth Nikola would sing at jon- idk how else to explain it-

A Mask of My Own Face By Lemon Demon-

pretty self explanatory lolll

The Slaughter:

War Pigs By Black Sabbath-

war.

The Hunt:

The Hunter By Slaves-

maybe this one is because it's because it's litterally called the hunter, and that they say hunter a bunch, but it is fun to listen to-

Teeth By 8 Graves-

I cannot remember my reasoning at this current moment-

The Flesh:

Body By Mother Mother-

the lyrics do be fittin doe

The Dark:

Everything Goes Dark By The Hoosiers-

i mean- everything goes dark- what more do you want me to say-

Dr.Sunshine Is Dead By Will Wood and the Tapeworms-

i think its mostly the song's vibe and the title.

The End:

The Trick to life By The Hoosiers-

the trick to life is not to get too attached to it.

Memento Mori: the most important thing in the world By Will Wood-

remember death.

YOOO OKAY NOW WE'RE ON THE ONES THAT I HAVE ACTUAL THINGS TO SAY ABOUT NOW- at least for the most part-

Characters:

i think i'm gonna go from least to most for this- (spoilers, Jon has the most ones because I care him)

Cryptid Hunt- Demo By Averno, Sushi Soucy-

this one makes me think of the WTGFs,,,,,

You're at the Party (Bonus Track) By Lemon Demon-

makes me think about Micheal Shelley,,,,,,,

Saint Bernard By Lincoln-

Alice "daisy" Toner moment-

Mary By The Happy Fits-

mary keay,,,,,,

there used to be a gerry one too, but the more I heard it in the context of the playlist and him, It just didn't fit,,,,,

Ew it's Elias/jonah time-

The Fine Print By The Stupendium-

capitalism- jk- kinda- Idk, just feels like it fits because he really just kinda,,, doesn't care about his employees-

How Bad Can I Be? from the lorax-

I had to-

Boss 3 from the terraria soundtrack-

Listen- I don't know why- but- it has elias/jonah vibes- the vibes are fowl, but the song is good.

Ruler of Everything By Tally Hill-

Panopticon/eyepocolypes time-

Ayooo it's jon time- I really hope I can write out my thoughts in a way that makes any kind of sense- /foreshadowing

A Sadness Runs Through Him By The Hoosiers-

Goddddd,,,,, he's just kinda filled with sadness and survivors guilt, just like, all the time huh?

Home By Cavetown-

the lyrics are just- very him- like- I just gjbdjgsflkjns-

Broken Crown By Mumford & Sons-

frick- the foreshadowing was accurate- the best I can describe it is that the lyrics just???? y'know??? hhh why am I like this sometimes-

Sweet HIbiscus Tea By Penelope Scott-

i'm willing to bet that he never wanted to be the main character-

Honey I'm Home By Ghost and Pals-

I saw a Jon centric animatic to this one time- I can't for the life of me remember who by, But everytime I hear the moth lines, my brain goes ":0" Because I remember there was a time when people kept drawing moth jon- I don't know where that came from but I thought it was very cool.

Who Are You, Really? By Mikky Ekko-

I'm like- actually starting to get frustrated with how poorly im articulating my thoughts right now- this just isn't funny anymore-

Sleep By My Chemical Romance-

I'm not actually sure why for this one- I just remeber putting on my black parade CD, hearing this, and being like, "damn, that do kinda be jon tho-"

I hope you enjoyed my ramblings- tbh, all this sounded and read out better in my head. My words might not make sense, but I do like how the playlist is. also im very tired, maybe this would've been written better if I wasn't struggling to keep my eyes open lol. I'm gonna fall asleep now- or maybe i'll post a spiral themed doodle dump again, who knows. I don't know.

#tma #oh god im literally too tired to put so many tags #i just cant #the magnus archives #playlist #spotify #spotify playlist #my brain actually hurts #im so tired

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whyarewecalledtheshipname · 4 years ago

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kh3, khux, recoded spoilers:

ramblings about unreality, the BoP, and the journal:

ngl i'm hella late to the party and i'm still not super familiar with what ideas and theories have been made regarding khux shit, unreality shit, etc. these are thoughts i had after rewatching recoded.

i know the maleficent/book scene isn't novel, but i wanna ramble about it anyway.

a question i had when listening to some khux talk: is it agreed that MoM made unreality? bc we know he hid there, right. idk how or since when, i'm guessing it's where he originally disappeared to.

But what's our understanding of that scene in the khux finale, where MoM's telling Darkness about the fictional world, the world he couldn't even conceive? Where neither light or darkness rules?

i've only watched that scene a few times, and i'm not clear on whether MoM's talking about the fictional world as if it already exists, or something he's envisioning.

pff i can't even organize my thoughts lmao. So, my guess at this point is that MoM was envisioning/imagining this world where neither light or darkness rules (and where voices and eyes can't reach but idk what dictates THAT particular rule). By simply imagining/thinking of it, i don't think it resulted in that world becoming real. Cause i thought he said something about that idea having to be "realized", but rewatching that specific scene, he doesn’t. If anyone knows for sure if he ever mentioned something like this i’d appreciate confirmation. [EDIT: MoM does specify putting your imagining into realization in the fan translation, which is more direct/literal and often times more accurate than the official localization…🤷🏽‍♀️]

But—IF it's not enough to /just/ think of it, and you do have to literally put it into realization—. My interpretation of what that means is, you know, putting the idea into action. /Making/ it real. Manifesting it. And that can happen any number of ways. Namely, in this case, putting it on paper. In the Book.

THE BOOK, UGH. The recoded scene. I know it kinda basically confirms that the book can create worlds but again i wanna scream about it a little.

But first. So far, i have that idea. Now as for the actual sequence of events, mmm. My brain goes all over the place for that one. Bc before rewatching those scenes, the question took form of "what came first? the chicken or the egg?" bc an idea i had heard was that Verum Rex, the game, could be a documentation of what's going on in unreality. And i've been flip flopping on that.

for me it would depend on whether unreality as we see it was spawned (that's the word i use) as soon as MoM originally thought of it, and wrote it down. Bc then Verum Rex could be made in the image of that world. On the other hand, if Verum Rex is like, 'additional' realization of the /idea/, then that would mean the game came before (most/some of) the world. But i think the first option is more likely.

So MoM conceived the world --> MoM wrote about it in the Book --> the world became real --> SOMEONE made the world into a game

and that gets into my thoughts about who tf has access to unreality, at least to the extent that they can see into it and observe it, and how. and obv, square enix (in kh) made the game. and square enix is literally "the powers that be" so. kinda an obvious option. but anyway.

i covered my main points ig. so time to scream about how tf this even could happen and why. not that i have any actual answers bc how tf could a book make worlds.

recoded. GOD, RECODED. If i didn't already ramble about HOW the Book could make worlds then i'm about to.

idek where to start lmao. Maleficent. she brings up the book, after she and pete have been rescued/released from the datascape.

(And what IS the datascape exactly? WHAT does it encompass? is the datascape in recoded strictly the data made from the journal? like, could there be multiple datascapes based on different source materials, or based in different devices/computers? ????)

“Yes, considering legend has it the book can conjure, making an entire world filled with beings and powers that have yet to exist.”

So that's just there. We've seen this. So this is assuming we can take the legend as (probable) fact. I'm assuming the Book really /can/ make worlds.

this next part about fairy tales i'm including to like cover my bases and see if anyone has thoughts about it bc i have not thought too much about the concept of fairy tales in kh and what it could mean:

“Really? A book that can just make up a world? I don't know. That sounds like nothin' more than fluffy, pink, kids' fairy tale stuff. It just sounds too good to be true"

“Ah, but who’s to say a fairytale’s not true?”

So that's that about fairy tales. (omg cinderella, dreams coming true, true love's kiss, sleeping beauty, WHHHHH--)

“And I ask you, how does that differ from this world they call the ‘date escape’?”

THIS BITCH. (the quote not maleficent lol) I know that early theories and probably current one's still, suggested unreality/quadratum/other-shibuya were data worlds, or something akin to them. and i mean, yeah, i wondered too, bc of the glitchy stuff with sora’s heart station in the secret episode.

but also, like. this whole world manifested "outside" of kh's reality. like, is it even possible that it COULD be /just/ data? As in, could data just exist on it's own like that? (or is there more? if the part of unreality we see /is/ data, is it only the data aspect of a bigger whole? i've seen a theory talk about this, is why i even bring it up)

If what we see of unreality so far is data, like, does that data exist within something? does it /need/ to?

and if unreality is data, like. i feel like it'd have to be different than that data worlds we see in kh. pure guesswork, but i feel like it's /more/ than just data worlds. /Bigger/.

"how does [world created by the BoP] differ from [datascape of the journal]?" thats the thing, too. essentially, what's the difference between the Book, and the journal.

sHEESH i just rambled in my notes. it's a bunch of guesswork, and idk if i should even put it here. gimme a sec.

okay well might as well address this while i’m here. my guess is that there IS no difference. there is no difference between the BoP and fucking jiminy’s journal, ability wise. We know the BoP doesn’t actually predict the future, it was simply written in the past after the future had taken place.

inherently, there’s no difference.

the difference between their CONTENTS however. one accounts the future (that has already happened, this is kinda important imo). the other records the past.

two things they both share. 1) the events in both books already happened 2) we saw them happen. in reality.

just like the past is fixed and unchangeable, so is the future (bc it’s already happened). We know this.

so what ISNT fixed and unchangeable? if literally all of time IS?

fiction.

okay, well, duh.

this is where my ideas become pure assumptions.

my guess is that like i said, neither of these books holds any special power over the other. and if my next guess is right, then neither of these books holds any special power over literally any other book (in kh).

this has no bearing on my main points above. (did MoM not discover unreality, did he THINK of it? i think he did. did MoM write his idea in the BoP? i think he did. did writing it down result in the idea manifesting as a world? i think it did.)

the idea is that ANY book [any MEDIUM, for that matter (books, shows, movies, games)] can create worlds. THIS world (or these, that we’ve seen in the secret ending and secret episode) is just the only one we’ve been shown.

i could not tell you how. and i could not tell you why. the only guess i currently have is that fictional ideas (given a medium) create worlds bc that’s Just How Things Work in kh. like, it’s literally just the laws of physics of kh.

For SOME fucking reason, fictional worlds given a medium spawn real worlds, outside of kh. hence, unreality. (bc they’re outside of kh reality, and bc they’re Not Real. fictional)

What about the BoP and the journal then? The shit in there doesn’t manifest as a separate world because it has already manifested in reality. That’s why i was saying it was important that the future already happened. bc if you wrote about a hypothetical future, not simply recorded the future as witnessed through your time traveling eyeball, then that would therefore be fiction. even if it’s based on the real world, this hypothetical future would not consist of real world events. An AU, basically. like real world=canon, hypothetical future=noncanon (fanfiction oop) (nonfiction vs fiction)

so if you wrote your fake future shit, it would hypothetically spawn as a world in unreality. IF the idea of the creation of worlds through fictional ideas given a medium pans out lmao.

On the other hand, the power to create worlds really could be special to the BoP or MoM himself. but the reason i don’t assume that in the first place is due to his wording in his khux scene.

“If you imagine hard enough, you can make anything a reality.” (maybe it’s just phrasing. maybe only he has the power and he’s just not specifying it but 🤷🏽‍♀️)

this brings me to Pete in kh2 LMAO LEGIT i just remembered that one theory video about how the fuck pete manifested a whole ass time capsule world by WISHING for it. if all it takes is JUST IMAGINING (in the case of fictional ideas) and WISHING (in the case of real world events), that would throw this whole post out the window lmao.

if imagining ISNT enough, and you DO have to go through the step of /realizing/ your idea, by giving it a MEDIUM, then.

and the reason i stick so much to the concept of giving things MEDIUMS is bc of khux. and this is all based on the english versions of the game.

at this point i’m not even connecting random dots, i’m scribbling all over a blank page but. it reminded me of time travel. to time travel, you leave your body behind, resulting in just a heart. to restore the body, the physical form, you need two things at your destination. Someone with memories of you, and a medium.

a mental/non-physical element, and a physical one.

memories could equate to imagining. a medium to restore the physical form could equate to a medium through which to express a fictional idea. and these two things combined results in a physical manifestation. Except one process restores real people in reality, and the other process creates people/places in unreality. (bc worlds don’t time travel or do they oh god)

the likely thing is that these two things aren’t related at all, esp since i’m working with the assumption that the second process even exists.

there’s also this random google definition of the word medium as it relates to computers: “a particular form of storage for digitized information, such as magnetic tape or discs” 🤷🏽‍♀️

another random idea/question regarding the process by which we’ve seen mediums result in worlds. the journal was converted into data with mickeys fucking macbook computer/machine. and that resulted in the worlds and people written about in the journal being recreated as data, hence data worlds and data characters. (and real people can enter data too without necessarily being data themselves but that’s a random note)

would the writings in the BoP require a similar process? or any other book/medium for the matter? obviously it wouldn’t be the exact same process or it’d just result in a data world, and a fictional data world would just be a video game at that point. is writing it at all the process? i mean i already assumed it is but just thinking.

i thought maybe Verum Rex could have been the process for this world specifically. The video game could be the writing converted into data but i don’t think the time aligns. Like, Verum Rex is like the best selling game right now. and MoM conceived and potentially wrote the idea down back in the age of fairy tales. I don’t know what time shenanigans could explain that time gap.

imo the wildest part of this whole thing is just the assumption that writing down a fictional idea results in the creation of a whole ass world in a whole different plane of existence lmao. like i said, i could not guess as to why this would be the case, only that it could just be part of the physics in kh world. Action, reaction. Conception, manifestation.

if anything, this whole concept of ideas becoming worlds would just be a fourth wall thing. get an idea, put it on paper, make worlds. ofc everyone has recognized the meta-ness of all this lmao i’m here trying to rationalize it in-game.

i had more quotes i didn’t add lol, in regards to the similarities between the BoP and the journal. it’s kinda additional stuff about why i do or don’t assume the things i do. (the first maleficent quote is the biggest tho for me)

“Don’t you think it might just be worth our while to search for a connection? Perhaps there’s a link of some sort between that so-called journal of theirs and the Book of Prophecies.”

(“so-called” why this phrasing? is it that maleficent suspects the journal is more than it seems? is it just the eng dialogue or just maleficent’s speech pattern?)

at this point i’m mostly gonna copy/paste my ramblings, so it’s gonna be messier:

So clearly they’re telling us to LOOK for the connections between the journal and the book. is it for proof that the book of prophecies CAN make worlds?

and also, does it make worlds OUTSIDE of kh BECAUSE you can’t change fate? it depends on the power of the book, and what gives it that power. (if it’s a power exclusive to the BoP after all)

lmao admittedly, this can be encapsulated by stuff Spuuky said during one of his streams about how Jiminy’s journal is OP bc you could create literally anything by writing it down bc converting it into data would make it real, and able to directly affect and interact with the real world. And at that point i was like bruh it’s not the journal it’s the machine but??? LMAO ARE THEY SO DIFFERENT AFTER ALL, i hate this game

and, another random question, does stuff from unreality manifest in kh? and if it does, does it do it on its own or would someone in kh need to access unreality and carry the ideas back over to kh? i already asked this earlier, and my end assumption for now was that verum rex did NOT just leak into kh by accident, someone brought the idea over. and the reason i don’t think it was MoM is because i’m guessing MoM doesn’t work at square enix in kh (nomura is MoM theories incoming lol). And MoM is hiding in unreality (tho he seems to have been coming back to kh every so often when he sees fit, such as his intervention with xehanort).

imma leave this for now, my thumbs are RIP

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kumoriyami-xiuzhen · 4 years ago

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Hakuoki Drama CD Flower and Oni Translation

First post of the month! so as always, I’ll once again start by asking you to please support me if you can either on ko-fi, through paypal or patreon for access to my blog post translations or just to support me (current special access is my translation of the seventh Saito Ginsei no Shou chater)... also let me know if you have any hakuoki drama cds that you’d be willing to share that are on my looking for list since i either do not have audio for those cds or do not have audio that i can share...

btw, was there an image of the sky in SSL that matches the one here? sorta want it for something but can’t exactly remember if it was in the game cuz i haven’t picked up my vita in a long while since i screwed mine up....

also, to whom it may it concern: 中秋快乐! slightly delayed tho lol.

Anyway, this is my translation of the Hakuoki MesseSanoh store exclusive drama cd - Flower and Oni “花と鬼.”

one of the dramas i found back in june... at the time, i coincidentally obtained CH translations of all the other Tokuten cds that were released with the ps2 Hakuoki Shinsengumi Kitan game (based on info from tokio-fujita’s drama cd livejournal page). no idea when i’ll get to those.... since all the ones that haven’t been translated yet are +10min long (i did somehow manage to obtain the audio for all of them months before i got the CH tls for em).

Also, there was one sentence missing in the tl for this. had the translation of it commissioned from @jokertrap-ran. left that text in bold.

enjoy~ final edits will be done when i do a video for it (i’m 90% sure the sighs/laughter and other misc sounds weren’t translated properly in the text i found but oh well).

Hakuoki MesseSanoh Store Exclusive Drama CD Flower and Oni

Translation by KumoriYami

Kondou: Hah......to be able to relax on the porch/corridor/veranda while enjoying the flowers, it really is nice.

Souji: Areh? Kondou-san? What are you doing over here?

Kondou: Oh, Souji, do you want a cup of tea? Come, sit here.

Souji: Are you appreciating the flowers right now?

Kondou: Although there are assignments, and despite how every day is recently bloody [reword later], it's really nice to be able to appreciate the flowers like this once in a while

Souji: It's really nice, the sun is warming and shining brightly, and the blooming sakura are beautiful.

Kondou: Yes

Souji: Nn, it's really nice [says comfortable/feeling well].

Kondou: haha, Souji, have another cup of tea.

(footsteps)

Souji: I won't be polite then.

Kondou: Nn, those footsteps are quite noisy.

Souji: Those footsteps, they're Hijikata-san's.

Hijikata: Really, everyone is like this......

Souji: Look, I guessed correctly.

Kondou: haha, that's really amazing.

Hijikata: What, it if isn't Kondou-san and Souji.

Kondou: You don't look that happy, Toshi, come have a cup of tea.

Hijikata: You two are really relaxed, to be drinking tea while enjoying the flowers.

Souji: I think this is better than drinking, or it because we're not having sake that you're angry?

Hijikata: Kondou-san, this concerns the warriors who recently joined our ranks.

Kondou: Ah, it seems that a lot of people have gathered, so the Shinsengumi will get better and better in the future.

Hijikata: If only if that were the case.

Kondou: Nn, what's the problem?

Hijikata: I was training the new members just now. Although it's good there are many new recruits [says volunteers. if audio doesn't have xin in it, i'll change it to interested volunteers], a lot of them are lazy and completely useless, few of them can be used/can be put to use.

Souji: Isn't it your job to train them? Vice-commander Hijikata. [check for -san]

Hijikata: Souji don't just relax and drink tea, you should be training them with me.

Souji: No/Don't wanna.

Hijikata: What?! For what reason?

Souji: Because I'm resting right now.

Hijikata: It doesn't matter if you are or aren't resting. If the executives don't take the lead, what is to be done? tell me [answer me]!

Souji: Really. Here we go again. It's because you take these arbitrary and out of place actions, that everyone gets annoyed [more literally: bored].

Hijkata: Oh, who's fed up with me [then]? I'll ask you to give me their names.

Souji: You didn't notice? Hijikata-san, you're unexpectedly slow.

Hijikata: Hey, I say [literal translation. i'm assuming this is more along the lines of 'say that again!']

Kondou: Come on, come on [im guessing the audio is 'ma, ma'], you two should let it be. Come, calm down and and look at the sakura......

Hijikata: don't say anything else Kondou-san, this is Souji's and my problem.

Souji: Sorry, Kondou-san, I don't want to bother you, you can look [at them] by yourself.

Kondou: Ah, is that so?

Souji: I've wonder, but is Hijikata-san's way of doing things really okay?

Hijikata: What? Souji. Do you have a problem/complaints with me? [Or] are you looking down on me/[Or it] just that you hate me?

Kondou: What am I, your nanny!?

[will probably change that to ‘what are you, his nanny?’ for language flow]

Souji: No/That's not it? Anyway, I'm still the First Division Captain of the Shinsengumi.

Hijikata: If you're a captain, you should act like one, and take care of the team members.

Souji: I have taken care of it [that].

Kondou: To be fighting in front of beautiful flowers...... really what a headache. As a warrior/samurai, how can you not enjoy the cherry blossoms?!

Hijikata: What is there to look at/see, it's because of this that I work so hard.

Souji: You're not happy/Are you upset? I thought Hijikata-san was quite willing/happy to do this.

Hijikata: What?!

Kondou: Oh, right, I've thought of something good, both of you listen. As the chief of the Shinsengumi, I have a proposal.

Hijikata: What?

Souji: What?

Kondou: In order to promote friendlier relations within the team members, how about holding a hanami/sakura viewing party?

Hijikata: Kondou-san, do you know what time it is right now?

Souji: I approve/support that. I think that that the team members will improve after those that don't know each other are able to deepen their friendship.

Kondou: Nn, thats it/like that, I also wanted to say that.

Souji: That's just like Kondou-san, you're different from a certain someone who is difficult to deal with.

Hijikata: Souji, say that again!

Souji: What?

Hijikata: well, i finally understand. compared to those new guys, souji, you're the one that's useless.

Souji: If yo're too harsh, the new recruits will run away. Hijikata-san, drink some tea and calm down.

Hijikata: You!

Kondou: Toshi, take a teacup and quickly drink.

Hijikata: Ah.

Souji: then i should probably go back to training.

Kondou: You're going, Souji?

Souji: Yes, Kondou-san. But, don't let everyone run away from the training grounds again. [tho that's an accurate tl, i'm guess this should be more among the lines of "But I can't help it/it's not my fault if everyone runs away from the training grounds again/ But make sure that no one runs away from the training grounds again]

Kondou: Oh?

Souji: they all ran away as soon as they saw my face Why is that?

Hijikata: That's because you're way of teaching is extremely bad. Really, your swordsmanship is better than everyone else's/you are one of the best swordsmen, but why are you so incapable? Listen Kondou-san, rather than training other people, this guy loves fighting way more. Everyone was beaten to the point where they could't get up off the ground.

Kondou: Then it's understandable for why the team members are unwilling.

Souji: Ahaha, to speak of being gentle, I really didn't expect those words from the demon vice-commander.

Kondou: What, in fact Toshi is a very gentle man, right, Toshi?

Hijikata: Hn, who knows.

Kondou: That's how it is, be gentle to everyone.

Souji: Yes yes, but, i've really been gentle with everyone. Then I'll be going. Kondou-san, thank you for your hospitality.

Kondou: Ah, I'll be counting on you [tl literally: please requesting you. check audio]

Souji: Yes.

(souji walks away)

Hijikata: Hah, well, never mind that guy.

Kondou: Do you want another cup of tea?

HIjikaa: Ah, another cup.

Kondou: Then I'll have another as well.

Hijikata: Souji's way of teaching is extremely rough/cruel, so it's unclear if he's actually training other people, or using them for himself to practice.

Kondou: That's because he takes what he does for granted/his success for granted, which is why it's impossible for him to understand those who are unable to.

Hijikata: That guy is still a child, he sticks his foot into everything, but always gets bored immediately after.

Kondou: You don't quite understand souji.

Hijikata: everyone will probably run away again [?].

Kondou: If you're worried, you should go and see.

Hijikata: Eh, there's nothing to be done about that/no way around it then, I'll be going then/I'll be going.

Kondou: I'll go too.

Hijikata: No need, Kondou-san you should just stay here and relax.

Kondou: Nn?

Hijikata: It's because you're the face of the Shinsengumi. The trivial matters of the troop, it's best for you not to be involved in them at all, I'll deal with everything.

Kondou: Nn, is that so? I'm sorry.

Hijikata: the tea was verry good. Then I'll see you later.

(hijikata leaves)

Kondou:　Oh. It seems that the beauty of sakura has no effect on an oni. Heh. Good grief.

　 Hijikata Toshizou, Miki Shin'ichirō Okita Souji, Morikubo Shōtaro Shōtarō Kondou Isami, Ōkawa Tōru

----

image from suruga-ya.

#hakuoki #hakuouki #hakuoki drama cd #hakuoki drama translation #Hijikata Toshizou #Okita Souji #kondou isami

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mousehole5000 · 4 years ago

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tgcf chapters 107 - 120 this is one where i give some Opinions. i do overall like hualian a lot but i have some quibbles

wait why am i still taking screenshots? i can copy/paste again afskldfjasad

It really was hard to tell whether people would feel happy after watching such performances. However, in truth, slaughter and the sight of blood did create excitement in people. Whether or not there was fear, after the initial shock was over, a rush of adrenaline would be produced in the heart- me watching horror movies

“Shi Qingxuan said. “Then, Your Highness, Crimson Rain Sought Flower! I order you to—to immediately strip each other’s clothing!” - djslkadjlsd WHY DID HE SPECIFICALLY SAY THEY HAD TO STRIP EACH OTHER THISALSKDJ is this a normal thing is it a wingman attempt what is happening

“I’ll tell you what it is,” he said softly. “To watch with your own eyes your beloved be trampled and ridiculed, yet be unable to do anything. That’s the worst suffering in the world.” ... “Ming Yi asked, “What’s the biggest regret of your life?”- when truth or dare gets a bit too real

On the side, Hua Cheng was still only observing, and was already bored to the point where he’d changed back into his red robes. Then he changed to black robes again. Then to white robes. Almost every time Xie Lian looked back, he would be donning a different appearance, and with every new look there were different hairstyles, and different accessories, and different boots, and so on; sometimes playful, sometimes elegant, sometimes deadly, sometimes glamourous. Xie Lian was growing dizzy from all the colours and kept looking back, unable to look away. - THIS ISNT THE TIME HUA CHENG. YOURE PRIMPING. THE WINDMASTER HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED AND YOURE PRIMPING

obsessed with xie lian not being able to figure out to use the windmaster’s fan and just. using it to SMACK

also windmaster??? whats going on??? :( i know some things from spoilers like who is not to be trusted but i really have no clue whats happening rn

anyways back to puqi shrine lets check on those kids also can we PLEASE get some funds for this restoration smh. hua cheng and xie lian doing mundane hard labor together to fulfill prayers.... :pleading:

jailbreak in the heavens 2: dig a tunnel

Sure enough, the moment Ming Yi put pressure on his shovel, a hole opened up before them. With the shovel raised, he burrowed crazily ahead while Shi Qingxuan, in the middle, cheered him on crazily. As the only non-crazy person, Xie Lian brought up the rear. That treasured shovel of the Earth Master was indeed magical, and with only a few strokes, a new tunnel of over ten meters was dug. - anybody remember mulch diggums from the artemis fowl series? this is much more dignified than that but i think this is only the second time ive read a character just starting digging a tunnel as a plot point

okay so much is going on i wish i hadnt spoiled who certain characters actually are for myself but i have no one to blame but me for a) not blacklisting spoilers at all and b) just having a little freefall through the tags. oh well. anyway heavenly college admissions scandal except way worse. the corruption extends to the heavens and the windmaster is having a very bad day

i guess we’re having a high seas adventure now?

im gonna keep it real im getting tired of how often we get told how handsome hua cheng is. i know its all xie lian’s pov and while im not terribly familiar with it i know what genre we’re working with and im assuming thats pretty typical. its something i dont much care for in general and idk maybe it sounds better in the original but ngl its starting to make me roll my eyes. love you goth king but god okay we get it.

i guess what i will say about hualian so far is that overall i like them and i like how they interact in general they have a lot of nice moments and they just genuinely seem to like each other which is really nice to see EXCEPT for when it actually comes to things that could be romantic or sexual which is a shame bc i dont think it has to be like this. again disclaimer that im only reading a translation and dont know everything might not have all the knowledge necessary to accurately criticize etc etc and im assuming a lot of this is expected from the genre (disclaimer to this disclaimer that i cant say that for sure its just based on things ive picked up about the bl genre over the years) but idk like xie lian was so distressed after their underwater kiss scene. it was kind of uncomfortable to read and maybe im being unfair i know his cultivation is based around abstinence or whatever but idk i dont care for it. and that scene alone doesnt have to be a bad thing like idk i guess its his first kiss ever (?) and it would make sense if he feels weird about it but i just have my doubts thats going to be addressed or resolved in a satisfying way. also im like. dude everyone is like centuries old. xie lian’s been on earth for 800 years. has he really never met or heard of a gay person during all this time? maybe he hasnt idk what he got up to yet maybe that’s actually a thing. also same thing with the reactions from the immortals to xie lian in a dress and characters like the windmaster like again you’re all centuries old and its not uncommon to be able to just completely change gender presentation. why are you all weird about a man wearing a woman’s dress? i just feel like that shouldnt be a big deal to these characters idk

also again not going to lie part of this that im not really a big fan of reading romance in general. yes i am reading this book. yes i do read and write a lot of fanfic that includes or centers romance. im multifaceted. but really what im talking about is the like physical side of it and descriptions im extremely picky about it. ill give an example. early on in the torture pit (or whatever it was called i cant remember lol) when xie lian kind of accidentally felt up hua cheng in the dark when he was being carried. i dont think thats a bad thing to have happen between the two romantic leads i think thats fine and good to include that early but i just did not enjoy reading it when it happened idk maybe it was the wording and i do think that moments like these work better in a visual medium. ive definitely read het romance that reads like this and i wasnt a fan of that either lol same with fanfic i get tired when writers go on and on about how hot one characters finds another character. this isnt a huge criticism of it like i said im picky but again like with the way that hua cheng is described it just makes me roll my eyes sorry kings

okay back to the reading. this whole saving the fishermen thing feels like a big set up for something narrative-wise. hua cheng specifically insisted on coming and i know one of the characters involved ends up dying im wondering if thats now it would be a good time tbh if things get just a bit too unfortunate during this heavenly calamity... and the brothers are notably not having a harmonious time... also tho it feels very likely we’ll just have another Hualian Moment (tm)

In such a situation, Pei Ming still acted the same. In the evening, when they rescued a few fishermen girls, so scared their eyes were blurry from tears, he held them in his embrace and soothed them with a gentle voice; a true show of honeyed romance, affectionate and charming. - pei ming please get pickled again.

also its funny that hua cheng is just kinda hanging out and everyone else just has to deal with it

Looking down from above, the entire area was painted in a terrifying black. It was easy to see the collision between the two different-coloured currents. Their fierce battle was what formed this enormous whirlpool. As the eye swallowed the ship whole, the two currents of water separated. However, the battle was far from over. Like two venomous vipers, they continued to snap at each other. Each collision was followed by a mountain of angry waves. - this pretty dope ngl. also love our wind and earth masters just chilling on a shovel i dig it. hehe

Yet, other than discovering Hua Cheng had a fine body, there were no other finds. Xie Lian was at his wit’s end and started to worry. - okay see this one’s funny im just also irritated bc im like WE KNOW!!! WE GET IT HE’S HOT AND XIE LIAN THINKS HE’S HOT OKAY GOT IT

okay kiss #2 again its not the kisses themselves its xie lian’s reaction it just bothers me idk im not saying i need him to be super into it and completely unconflicted about it rn but he’s just so freaked out about it and idk i just dont really like it just feels weird i dont care for that aspect of it. also dude hua cheng is a ghost and he did this exact same thing for you before just chill. i wish instead of xie lian literally running away while screaming that hes sorry he was just like “oh haha youre fine thats cool im gonna go look around the woods i dont feel weird about this at all haha” like idk its kind of funny but when its literally our two romantic leads i just feel like its confusing like it kind of makes me feel like they shouldnt be together if one of them freaks out this much again considering the fact that they are both CENTURIES old. i know i know xie lian is an 800 year old virgin but. he hasn’t been like this about anything else so yeah idk like it still could have been awkward and funny i just dont think it needed to be so :/ that being said it was funny that xie lian was then internally like “oh i did it wrong? perhaps i should ask him for more.. instructions....” if that actually happens i might like it bc it would complete this little watery theme

Before he finished, he immediately remembered. Coffin wood. There were trees here everywhere; and a deceased? There was one right before his eyes. Sure enough, Hua Cheng smiled. “Won’t it be fine once I lie inside? - love that hua cheng just sat on the fact that he can turn anything into a coffin. that would have been really useful information earlier but no he just waited until everyone but xie lian was gone afjaklsdjf

also i do think that oblivious xie lian thinking “wow whoever it is that hua cheng fancies is an idiot for not liking him back theyre totally taking him for granted :/” is kind of funny and sweet. actually the whole conversation they have at the campfire is good and im bookmarking it to think about later

“...You on top and me on the bottom,” Xie Lian replied. “Isn’t top and bottom the same?” Hua Cheng asked. - okay im sorry but. mood whenever theres discourse about top/bottom dynamics for a ship im just like jesus christ i dont care. tbh i rarely read fanfiction if its just sexual and ngl if i see a fic specifically tag characters as top or bottom i wont read it lmfao. especially when people have really strong opinions about this stuff when theres nothing canonical to back it up like headcanon all you want but whenever i see people argue about it im just like no offense but go work out your own sexual issues and dynamics instead of arguing with strangers on the internet about who’s a top and who’s a bottom. sorry to be mean but just thats how i feel lol

this was mostly a ramble with a few excerpts but im getting sleepy im going to TRY to take a break from this for like a day but we’ll see how that goes i do very much want to know what happens. anyway if you read this whole thing hiiiiii sorry for subjecting you to my opinions on top/bottom discourse

#minors dni #reading this is weird its like wow this is pretty great actually im having a blast #and then there's these moments that are like...... hmmmm.#idk they havent been awful i just think theyre :/#still funny tho ill give it that #tgcf liveblog

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imjustpeachy8 · 5 years ago

Text

An Inconvenient Spark

Part I. Summary: He's a Commander in the Resistance. You are a lowly force-sensitive thief from an equally lowly planet with order defying tendencies. You two under no circumstance get along. Your life take a turn the moment you decide to save his arrogant sorry-ass from certain death. If only you knew saving him would result in joining the Resistance finding not only your purpose in life - but also the biggest oaf-looking asshole in the whole galaxy. If only you could go back in time to that day - you would let him die, just to rid of this incessant headache Ben Solo is giving you. AU.

Warnings: language

Word Count: 2k

A/n: i just needed an angsty, slow burn Ben Solo fic I guess. Go easy on me guys, this is my first time with writing.

Ben Solo woke up with the intent to make that day better than the last one. Last day was - well, it was complicated. It was messy, unnecessary and downright ridiculous.

He still felt his frustration consuming every bit of his body. Yesterday, it had decided to sit on his heart and made a home in it. He didn't know how long he was going to feel it. And he hated the whole situation in each passing moment more.

Still, he forced himself to start the day as a new one. A blank page. Nothing else before the morning.

It would be for the best. For him, and for the whole base, actually. Yes, he decided then - he would do that, he would behave, he would pretend that everything was fine - just for the sake of the people who he led and commanded. And for her Mother - yes, for her he would behave.

When he stepped foot in the command center, the whole place fell silent for a moment.

Great.

Letting out a breath, he scanned the room to find a familiar face. After a second, Lt. Connix appeared next to him, a small smile disappearing from her face the moment her eyes found his.

"She's in her office, Commander. She's waiting for you."

"Thanks" - he muttered out, and went on his way.

When he reached the door of the office, he gave himself a moment to collect his thoughts. He pushed through the entrance, only to find himself face-to-face with her mother’s stern look.

"Commander, it's good to see you. Although, i believe this was due yesterday." - her tone made sure to have an edge in it.

He huffed out a breath in return. His annoyance was coming back in an instant.

"I apologize. I was.. I wasn't in the right state of mind last night and -"

"So I heard." - she replied. "Tell me, son.. what were you thinking? To send off your comrade without a blaster, and then leave her to fend for herself on her own."

Ahhh, right.

He knew this would be a problem. He just had a tiny little hope that his mother would somehow understand. Basically, he did nothing wrong. He just lost his cool for a moment back there. For a couple of moments, really, but that wasn’t important right now.

"We went back to her, she's fine and i didn’t think she'd be stupid enough to not have a blas-.."

"That's enough." - Leia pinched her nose with her delicate fingers and let out a sigh. "Ben.. you need to be smarter than this. I know the two of you had a rocky start, but this whole thing looks like you deliberately tried to leave her to die on that planet." - She was raising her voice now, obviously mad at this whole ordeal. "She's not just your fellow comrade, she's also under your guide." - She let out another long breath. "You have to fix this."

"Fine." - he reluctantly replied.

There were a lot of things Ben Solo learned in his 28 years of his life. One of the many was, that somehow women - and especially his mother - would turn out right in every argument. Every kriffing time.

Agreeing with her would be beneficial. And if he wanted to be honest with himself, a teeny tiny part of him felt guilty.

So, he let her have the last words, let her see how sorry he was - even if it only was an act. He would get scolded a little but then he would forget about the whole deal. Like nothing really happened.

"Good. I expect you to apologize to her." - she chided after a moment.

Ben let out an unwanted growl. "You cannot be serious! I won't apologize to that wench, she deserved to be left on that planet. Maybe this time, she learned something about why it is imperative to follow a simple kriffing order."

"You will apologize, end of discussion." - Leia decided to ignore her son's outburst, knowing well enough that further engaging Ben will only lead them to another heated argument.

His chest heaved. He was seeing red. Why- why should he apologize? He hadn't done anything that bad, really. He just wanted to teach her a lesson about not following his orders. Nothing else. After all, he was her commanding officer, she should be listening to him. He didn’t left her there, he just wanted her to see that she wasn’t the only person who knew how to play this game.

She was a pain in his ass, thats what she was in reality, ever since he first saw her. She - without a doubt - was the most infuriating person he had ever seen in the whole universe. She was reckless, defiant and most importantly, she tended to ignore orders when she saw fit. Well, honestly, that only happened when said order came from him. For everyone else- she was compliant, nice even. And that made him hate her more. She drew him to the fucking wall.

He was snapped out from his train of though the moment Leia started to speak again.

"And the two of you are grounded for a week. Maybe this will teach you a lesson, too." A moment passed in silence, but Leia wasn't done just yet. "Oh, and please be a dear, and deliver the news to her."

He couldn't fucking believe this.

***

"WHAT?"

You and Finn were seated in the mess cantina in the morning. The room was empty except for the two of you, everyone else was already busy with their assignments at hand. Life on the Resistance base meant that work started way too early and ended way, way too late.

You however, were back from a mission. From a really bad, tiring one to be specific. The Falcon landed in hanger B late last night, and since nobody assigned any task for you in the morning, you decided to sleep as long as you could. Hence, the reason you are the only people in the cantina, with Finn sitting across you, both eating the blob that was left behind.

"You heard me right. Kriffing bastard almost left me on that planet this time. Apparently, to teach me a lesson about defying orders." - you grinned. "Can you fucking believe it?"

Finn looked at you in disbelief. "How are you so calm about this?" - he thinned his eyes at you, clearly being suspicious of your state of mind right now. "You.. - you are planning something, aren't you? That's it, right?"

"No, my dear friend. I'm not gonna do a thing about it." - your grin grew wilder. "Someone else will...I hope." - with that, you got back on munching the blob people here called breakfast.

While eating, you thought back to last day's events. The whole thing was - well, avoidable. If only the two of you just knew how to behave when things went awry. You often found yourself thinking about this arrangement. After saving his ass on your home planet, you found yourself in a place where you could choose. Choose about your future, about what you wanted to do with your life. So you left with him and his team to join the Resistance. Acclimation to this whole situation was pretty easy for you, easier than you previously thought. Everyone was welcoming, and very friendly. The realization of you force powers was the cherry on top. As they told you, there were only two of them on the base.

Since your first day, you have been helping them with everything you could. Sometimes with mechanical work, sometimes with piloting, sometimes with missions. Work was easy to find. Peace - not so much. Not really, when a certain Commander is always pestering you with little, incessant jabs and remarks. Not when every time you come up with a wonderful idea he immediately shuts you up. And definitely not when he leaves you on Nar Shaddaa. You huff out a breath at the thought, shaking your head.

This fucking man.

Blob put aside, you and Finn were chatting about nothing, sipping caf when the doors of the cantina opened, and Ben Solo swaggered through. Your gazes locked on each other. You waited for this moment since the morning.

Being on base only for a couple of months wasn't much, but you thought of yourself as a good judge of character. While Ben Solo sometimes was still a mystery to you, her mother wasn’t. You instantly knew how Leia worked. And you had a suspicion that she knew that you knew. Looking at his annoyed face, you realized Leia was playing along. You were baffled at the thought and forced the creeping smile from your face. You needed to savor this moment.

Your commander stopped at your table, face now impassive but the twitching of his left eye and the current energy around him gave his true feelings away. He was angry and annoyed, and at that moment, you were the happiest person in the galaxy. The staring contest however, was interrupted with Finn's throat clearing.

You put up your sweetest smile you could muster and batted your lashes at him before speaking.

"Commander Solo, are you joining us for breakfast?" - you chirped.

He looked up at the ceiling then, breathing through his nose. You loved him so riled up.

As he realized that he didn't want to spend any more time in your presence than it was necessary - he leered down at you, and started talking.

"No." A beat. "I'm sorry for the mean, awful, accurate things I said and that I almost left you on Nar Shaddaa." - he still managed to be cocky and arrogant, even when apologizing. You couldn't believe it.

"Thank you, Commander. I hope your bruised ego will get well soon from this beautiful apology. Aaaaand, I just hope next time you would be a little more professional." - You couldn't just let him go with a sorry-ass apology like that. He needed a jab. Just a little one. "I mean.. one would think that after saving your life, you would.. I don't know.. not leave me to die on a hostile planet maybe?"

He was getting angrier now, the force around him resonated. While you loved making him angry, you realized this was not the right time to engage in another argument. After last night, you didn’t have the energy to fight, so you decided to let this conversation go as soon as possible. After all, you got what you wanted.

"What more do you want me to say, Princess? I'm sorry, take it or don't, I don't care."

What a jerk.

"Most importantly, both of us are grounded for a week, and for the time being, you're training only with Rey."

Oh. Ohhh.

You could work with that.

A whole week without working with Ben Solo? Last night, on that planet, while you desperately waited for rescue you could only think about how unlucky you were to be left behind.

Now? Now, you were certain you were the luckiest girl in the galaxy.

Leaving without another word, you again had found yourself with Finn, a shit-eating grin already on your face.

"Why are you so happy about this? Didn't you hear the part you are grounded? For a week." - he looked at you incredulously.

"Oh, Finn. Don't you see? I got myself an apology and a Ben Solo-free week. I really couldn't have hoped for more."

If being mouthy and sarcastic around the Commander always resulted with a week of not seeing him, you would probably just try to sabotage every mission from now on.

#ben solo x reader #ben solo x you #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren x you #ben solo fanfiction #bendemption #ben solo lives #star wars fanfiction #ben solo fanfic #star wars #ben solo deserved better

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