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May we please ask for tips to how handle near constant anxiety?

Honestly, these days we probably aren't the best people to ask. It's been a while since we really experienced regularly disruptive dissociation and like... we had a LITTLE bit of anxiety today and it was enough to be a "damn okay lemme grab my coping skills out of the bag"; so take that context as a bit of a disclaimer that we are sharing some of this as someone who doesn't have much anxiety anymore

With that said...

The first thing I tend to like to check in is "are my physical needs met"; cause if you are dehydrated, hungry, sleepy, forgot to take your meds, etc, it is usually immensely helpful to address any of those needs as much as you realistically can with your current mental state since those sorts of things tend to play a role in symptoms.

I really like the "You Feel Like Shit" website to just go through a few check ins since I tend to forget them in the moment.

After that, assuming you can notice / be aware / acknowledge that you are anxious, it's probably a good opportunity to try to take a step back from your thoughts; You are in an anxious spiral / falling into an anxious spiral / having unhelpful anxious feelings / thoughts. Thats okay and normal, but its good that you noticed it. Since you noticed it, I'm assuming you probably don't feel like its helping you right now and/or would like to reduce it, so lets mentally take a step back.

Easier said then done, but largely this is where the skills therapists and mental health people always talk about regarding mindfullness and grounding comes in handy. There are a number of grounding techniques that can be used and I suggest trying a few to see which work the best. A lot of people like the 5-4-3 sensory check in, box breathing, taking 10 deep breaths, open recall of some favorite thing you know a lot about (I sometimes do naming birds or the first 151 pokemon), or just literally sitting down outside. The goal is to 1) make a bit of a break in the spiral so that you can simply observe your own thoughts and feelings in a more neutral and less overwhelmed state and 2) to try to reconnect and activate your frontal lobe (as the frontal lobe tends to shut off when individuals are out of their window of tolerance / having high anxiety)

If you can acknowledge you are feeling anxious in a way that is not helpful and take a step back, you can kind of look at the anxiety a bit more clearly to see the best way to try to help yourself.

In a more short term lens, I think it's partially important to kind of understand what KIND of anxiety it is and how its presenting; I tend to find there are kind of two main "types" of presentations I see (not official, just how I kind of mentally organize / conceptualize it generally) - Shutdown Anxiety and Energizing / Escalating Anxiety.

Shutdown Anxiety I tend to generally understand as anxiety that makes you mentally shutdown, unable to act, extremely avoidant, and / or makes you depressed; overall anxiety that makes you fall out of your window of tolerance and into a hypoarousal response.

Energizing / Escalating Anxiety I tend to generally understand as anxiety that makes you more active, makes you more irritable or workaholic or stimulus seeking, and makes you NEED to do something / move / stay busy; overall anxiety that makes you fall out of your window of tolerance and into a hyperarousal response.

Of course, it's not black and white and there is a lot of grey, but I think it helps to kind of first start by kind of trying to acknowledge where you are on the scale of hypoarousal to hyperarousal as it can help in navigating potential ways to help manage said anxiety.

I personally tend to find myself hyperaroused like... 90% of the time I experience anxiety so a lot of the coping mechanisms I use the most would be ones in response to the more hyperaroused end.

If you are experiencing hypoarousal with your anxiety, (I have a lot less personal experience with it but) distracting, redirecting, and grounding tend to be things that can be helpful; finding things to help you get a little out of your head can go a good distance, so finding a friend to talk to (about the anxiety or something entirely different), finding a game to play, finding something sensory to play or fidget with, finding something to look at, etc. It helps to try to engage with the world around you and focus on what you do have around you rather than getting lost in your head.

If you are experiencing hyperarousal with your anxiety, I tend to find that its incredibly important to try to slow yourself down, sit down, look around and take a breather. Finding something relaxing that you can do (especially if it helps fill the need to Do Something) can be great; for me, playing a management game / farm game or going for a run tend to help a lot.

A bit of a theme here is "opposite action"; if you are anxious and you feel a NEED to do things, you probably would benefit from slowing down and doing less; if you are anxious and feel a NEED to shutdown and do nothing, engaging in something small will probably help you out.

Overall, it can generally be helpful to try to find some self care / kindness activities can help reduce it some. It doesn't have to be anything big or necessarily related to the anxiety, but if you are generally in a place where you are doing unhelpful coping mechanisms that aren't making you feel better, it can be helpful to sort of try to place yourself in a situation where you can engage in a more meaningful and helpful hobby / self care / coping mechanism (playing video games, art, music).

In the more long term lens, it can be helpful to generally practice a lot of different coping skills, grounding skills, and overall developing both a better awareness of when you are feeling anxious / having unhelpful anxious thoughts. I find its often more helpful to try practicing these and exploring these when you are LESS anxious since its easier to do them then and the more you do them, the easier it will be to do them in the future when you are having extreme anxiety.

Additionally, I personally really like to just keep the window of tolerance and circle of control in mind. The Circle of Control is honestly a really nice thing to return to - in my experience - as it helps you recenter and focus on what things about the source of your anxiety you can control rather than what you can't. If you can identify and list out things about the situation that you CAN control, it gives you some help in developing a sense of more safety and progress to addressing the issue than the often "things I can't control" sort of way a lot of anxious thoughts get fixated on. It can be helpful to actually fill it out physically since it lets you kind of actually look at it a bit.

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I think something thats interesting to look back upon after having processed as much trauma as I have and with the wider and "bigger picture" perspective I have as a fused whole is the way that Riku - our primary host since like 2014/2016 ish and our 'impossible to knock down, very 'resilient', chronically capable of working hard for a better future that there was no reason to believe was going to ever pay off - often really coped, processed, and handled intense emotions, set backs, and traumas through this very intense fixation on fantastical and poetic narratives of their life, sometimes - at some of the hardest things to process / handle - the fixation almost became borderline delusional.

For the longest time, both Riku and the parts surrounding them found it to just be one of their quirks, a side effect of maladaptive daydreaming, and/or a combination of the two, but thinking back to it, its a long reinforced defense mechanism that allowed them to control the narrative of their life and regain a sense of control over what was going on to them. The more out of control life got, the more painful and unfair and unreasonable life was, the more the experiences went against the way that life Should Have Been, the more everything in the world around them became more and more fictional, more and more fantastical, more and more part of a grand narrative

Because the more that life was framed as a narrative, the more that it was certain that "this too will pass"" and", that "this is important to my character arc", that the future, past and present could be controlled by the way that they - the main character - allowed to be part of the narrative, and most importantly that any major event was critical to the story's narrative and (while they nor we believe this in our narratives, our child brain and Riku - who was an introject from Kingdom Hearts, the cheesy positive ending game) that anything that happened was a means to the end of the good ending they were entitled to.

It was easier to be a character cursed by the narrative destined to persevere through great horrors to reach an end than it was to be a normal person, a normal child / teen / individual who was going through horrors with no purpose, no reason, no need, and no narrative promise.

Even if the narrative wrote them to be a worse person, or demanded that they destroy themselves for the sake of others and to never have their needs returned, the narrative was protective against the mental horrors that they were not allowed to have.

And I think its.... just interesting to look at, because at the end of the day, as Feathers, Riku is an incredibly dominant part of my personality, and yet my memories as Riku is such a fever dream with how much of their perspective of reality was so deeply entrenched in a subtle but chronic disconnect from reality and attachment to a "narrative".

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Imma be real, as much as I do find myself a little bored with the wow factor of DID and plural stuff, I do sit here 100% Soyjacking as I realize Cloud Strife is 100% a form of plural culture as they DUMP plural lines like 75% way through the second entry of the remake trilogy

I guess my childhood favorite trope as well as my my teenage and college most relatable trope still makes for my Adult Favorite Trope too huh

V ONE OF US ONE OF US

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(CONTENT WARNING: This gets really esoteric real fast XD I lost the plot somewhat in Buddhist philosophical musings)

We actually play with this a lot at work because every week, our work environment changes and different versions of ourselves can be better suited for one group of kids and another version for another group.

Typically, the most base line Feathers that exists at work is a really kind of silly, fun, and positively-cringe individual. That version of us cares a lot for engagement, creating fun, providing something new to spice up the monotony, and just generally bringing the energy into the room. That version is deeply interested in everyone's interests and a lot more relaxed and loose. Its a chill time.

This Feathers is predominantly driven by parts of Riku, Aya, and more or less Lin - sometimes XIV depending on the atmosphere of the group or if theres a specific tone. This Feathers works well with lower energy, shy, and/or under-enthused individuals who need some help feeling more comfortable and maintaining the energy to get through the day.

Last week though, the Feathers that existed at work valued structure and providing organization, direction, predictability, and calmness to the environment. While there is always the underlying silliness, that Feathers was more interested in helping those around them direct their energy in a structured and functional manner. That Feathers preferred quiet and calm energy, and that Feathers was always open to support in helping structure and develop everyone's interests and it was a lot more calm. Its a structured but chill time.

This Feathers is predominantly driven by parts of Ray, Lucille, and Chunn. This Feathers works well with higher energy, distractable, hyper and disorganized individuals who need some help managing and directing their energy in productive manner.

Superficially, these two versions of Feathers seem to be very opposing, very different, and what they value and care about are very different; of course though, this is still One Feathers just appearing in different contexts at different times.

If you asked me to say "what is common about both of these Feathers" it would be 1) Feathers cares for supporting those around them in the way that they best can 2) Feathers is interested in other people's interest 3) Feathers appreciates a balanced environment

Sometimes Feathers is loud, energetic, fluid, and not stressing the details. Sometimes Feathers is quiet, laidback, structured, and rule-creating.

Sometimes Feathers prefers to ask for more and more and more and more information - just give ALL the information. Sometimes Feathers prefers to organize what is at hand.

Sometimes Feathers is impossible to out compete in chaos and unpredictability and silliness. Sometimes Feathers is the most predictable and boring individual around.

All of those though, are more about how Feathers presents than how Feathers Is.

Feathers - as a being - simply Is. Actions and day to day preferences are Presentations that are not always indicative of the larger picture of what Feathers across all time and space is.

Feathers across time and space is not defined by anything other than Feathers' simple existence and their relation to others and the world around them.

You can describe Feathers today - fan of FF7, reluctant mangaka, Buddhist, fully integrated CDD system - but all those terms could change in a few years, a few months, a few days, a few hours. Those labels and descriptors are, in themselves, impermanent and only assured to be accurate to the very moment they are asked of.

Tomorrow Feathers could hate FF7 or give up on Buddhism or making their story a comic, but Feathers would still exist as Feathers regardless.

I lost the plot but like, food for thought.

Hey, I've asked you things before.

Would you have any advice for someone in a state of final fusion who's engaging in parts work? It's already natural for me to think in parts because of my history, but it's also been destabilising me, as in my normal life I don't see the parts, I just see me. This is making me see the divisions, and thus I start feeling more internal stresses and fear and brain is getting all vigilant about it.

I'm not sure how to go ahead, because uncovering things feels right, and doing the work feels right, but brain picking up on the divisions doesn't feel good.

- J

Aye! Super late response cause Life TM, but I think I'd need to know what exactly about "the divisions" is distressing you / causing stress / causing fear within you and what exactly "the divisions" are.

If you mean the inconsistencies / conflicting views and values / cognitive dissonance that comes from holding differing parts together at the same time, then I think - for as stressful as that might feel - it might be worth sitting on the topics that have conflict and talking within yourselves and to your parts when you have some time to dedicate to it and to really iron out what things are important to each individual part, for what reasons are those important, and to see how both opposing views can both be true, both be right, and both co-exist. I'm strongly of the opinion that there are no real opposites in life and things that seem to conflict are only superficially* conflicting.

I've found a lot of comfort and peace knowing that all versions of me, all parts of me, no matter how different they are at a point in time, are very true, very real, and all correct in a certain time, space, and situation, because they are made for that. It requires me to be okay in not defining myself as a single set of words or as a simple static concept and it means getting used to having a fluid and ever changing sense of self and creating a stable sense of self on top of that, but like... its really freeing imo and I have zero real complaints over it.

Anyways, I'm kind of shooting in the dark so please feel free to send me more information and I can probably give more accurate / specific thoughts on the matter.

*Superficially Conflicting = Only appearing to conflict on a face value, often when you dig into what views and values underlie the essence of what is important on the topic and take into account the context that they show up, its often possible to be two things at once.

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“no one’s ever mad at me unless they tell me so” is the best assumption i’ve ever made

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Hey, I've asked you things before.

Would you have any advice for someone in a state of final fusion who's engaging in parts work? It's already natural for me to think in parts because of my history, but it's also been destabilising me, as in my normal life I don't see the parts, I just see me. This is making me see the divisions, and thus I start feeling more internal stresses and fear and brain is getting all vigilant about it.

I'm not sure how to go ahead, because uncovering things feels right, and doing the work feels right, but brain picking up on the divisions doesn't feel good.

- J

Aye! Super late response cause Life TM, but I think I'd need to know what exactly about "the divisions" is distressing you / causing stress / causing fear within you and what exactly "the divisions" are.

If you mean the inconsistencies / conflicting views and values / cognitive dissonance that comes from holding differing parts together at the same time, then I think - for as stressful as that might feel - it might be worth sitting on the topics that have conflict and talking within yourselves and to your parts when you have some time to dedicate to it and to really iron out what things are important to each individual part, for what reasons are those important, and to see how both opposing views can both be true, both be right, and both co-exist. I'm strongly of the opinion that there are no real opposites in life and things that seem to conflict are only superficially* conflicting.

I've found a lot of comfort and peace knowing that all versions of me, all parts of me, no matter how different they are at a point in time, are very true, very real, and all correct in a certain time, space, and situation, because they are made for that. It requires me to be okay in not defining myself as a single set of words or as a simple static concept and it means getting used to having a fluid and ever changing sense of self and creating a stable sense of self on top of that, but like... its really freeing imo and I have zero real complaints over it.

Anyways, I'm kind of shooting in the dark so please feel free to send me more information and I can probably give more accurate / specific thoughts on the matter.

*Superficially Conflicting = Only appearing to conflict on a face value, often when you dig into what views and values underlie the essence of what is important on the topic and take into account the context that they show up, its often possible to be two things at once.

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Hey Disabled / Crippled Peers, does anyone know any good ways to get some good physical activity in when you are limited in how much you can actually be on your feet? I'm at this point where I'm basically just gonna accept that some of the activities I'd like to do are not things I can do sustainably enough to warrant an expensive membership / weekly commitment / costly commitment, and now that I don't have a small gym due to no longer living in an apartment, I've been struggling to find good ways to get my energy out.

I'm thinking I might just need to get myself a bike again since its less impact on my feet and wrists than most other forms of exercise + it would enable me to bird and "hike" more again and I'm somewhat considering rec-pools or something but I was wondering if any of my fellow disabled peers had any pointers for someone who really thrives in a more active life style.

For context, I'm capable of walking, standing, running, etc for short periods of time, but any extended time on my feet without breaks is not sustainable (really flat feet) and any pressure or strain on my hands / wrists are also not sustainable (really bad carpal tunnel)

My lack of ability to really get Good Exercise without pain is impacting my mental health more than I'd like

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You're not healing too slow. You're healing in a nervous system that's been through hell. Give it time.

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theres this small grey bird that like to hang out by the backdoor, and ive been trying to look up what it might be, but i havent found anything close to it.

any of you maybe have an idea on what this bird is?

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I think one of the things that is really cool and a positive experience for the parties involved is that like... me and two of the other people who are in the "I have a high work ethic and help others / are nice to others more than I probably should / than is returned to me because I feel like I should for one of a million reasons" have just kind of created a friend group union of sorts

And I think I can kind of tell for the three of us, its a new experience to actually have someone reciprocate the support, effort, and the heavy "if I can help then I will" mentality.

Cause I was doing Part 1 of 2 Bingeing Squid Game Season 3 with one of them (the other couldn't make it today) and she commented "I keep doing it [swapping shifts inconveniently] thinking that when I need it they'll swap with me, but that never happens" and I had a moment of ".... ah yeah, relatable."

I think its really nice though, to have someone who does nice things and supportive things without asking or expecting anything and being able to do the same without feeling like it was imbalanced or one sided

Cause I think I really just like helping people and supporting people and giving people things and doing things to make people's days even minutely better; its like a super large love language of mine (as much as love languages are kind of BS but thats a whole second story), but a lot of the time its incompatible with how a lot of people handle their energy and care.

I love taking care of people I like and care about, even when they don't need it, but its such an easy way to end up in a deficit if both parties aren't Like That.

It's honestly really nice.

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oh my god i love this

Not joking, here's part 1. To be clear, it's the english VA, David Gallagher, and he still sounds just like Riku, it's great. No idea how long he's been doing gaming streams, but it looks like he's been at it for awhile, though he only just got around to KH, he just started KH1 a few days ago. Absolutely wild, what a time to be alive.

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I'm filling out the written discovery paper for my lawsuit and realizing - in the best way possible - that the wrongful termination fucked shit up for me more than I thought it did / noticed and acknowledged that it did

Cause god damn, yeah the episode of hell I had two weeks ago was directly because of how shittily they treated me resulting in PTSD and OCD shit I didn't have before flaring up, but ALSO that I have documented proof now of that

Cause I have a workplace where I have an assigned supervisor that is ALSO a licensed social worker and my supervisions are typically documented

And I'm just like I'm pretty fucking sure Liberal and Good Progressive University of California would hate having to go to public court over kicking a trans-autistic traumatized person while they were down and having all their employee-rights completely fail and deny to protect them

So I'm sitting here like arguably them doing that was one of the best things people have done for me cause it got me out of my comfort zone and got me to leave California which was one of the best long term decisions of my life that lead to me fucking owning a house

AND factually they still did damage that I should not have had to had which the positives are solely due to my own resilience

I think in the best way possible, I'm a Victim for once in my life in my narrative and fuck em I deserve compensation

Their actions may have led to me becoming stronger and having immense post traumatic growth relative to the damage done AND it still shouldn't have happened and they should still be heavily penalized because not everyone is capable of leveraging such adverse situations into fuel for growth and had I not done so, this could have been immensely bad

But DAMN is it wild as shit actually being able to probably get justice for once in a long trauma history

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maybe my favorite thing that roosters do is sit in holes and wiggle around and cluck to show the hens it could be a good nesting site. SO charming

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Possibly the greatest NPR exchange ever recorded

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