#but jacob doesn’t really change throughout the story

[heir-of-the-chair]

Lowkey hyperfixating now and I’ve come to the devastating conclusion that Jacob the main character of Water For Elephants… doesn’t really have a character arc

[ca-suffit]

“loumand were happy together most of the time” is kind of an insane take bc louis spent eps 1-4 haunted by lestat and distracted by a hallucination of him, fought badly with armand and called him a boring beige pillow in ep 5, the closest they probably came to being genuinely happy was in 6, the ep which had louis acting really off (i think jacob himself said he’d regressed to a lot of his past personality). eps 7, 8 and dubai speak for themselves lol. whereas loustat *were* happy, especially when they were raising claudia (“we were a happy trio”), and it’s clear that louis downplayed a lot of that happiness (see all of jacob and sam’s comments about dreamstat reflecting the softer and happier parts of loustat that louis wants to forget). but people also ship them because a) their intense chemistry and b) the whole show revolves around their romance, which is tragic and destructive because they love each other *so much*. it’s fucked up but also so compelling and epic and romantic because they will literally love each other forever and nothing can stop it no matter the cost. that doesn’t mean you have to ship it, but it actually surprises me that someone could even enjoy the show if they don’t even “get” loustat at all

tbh I think an argument could be made for both relationships either way. I don't think any of it has to be a contest of any kind. ppl come into the show from all different backgrounds and awareness of the books / characters or not. I think it's fine to let ppl come into the story however they want.

loustat allowed louis to feel seen for the first time in his life but also unseen in other ways. we do see them have happy moments but the more time goes on, the worse they get and the less "alive" he seems. then there's the explosive endings of the fight and mardi gras. although the show has told us there's layers to this and a general back and forth of whether things were better or worse all over their timeline.

loumand and being in paris gives louis more freedom in ways than he's ever known. he explores hobbies, he feels less judged as a black man in public spaces, he feels like he's allowed to have boundaries and voice desires. armand pretends to relinquish control at times when he knows it's what louis requires to feel good. that's something that lestat wasn't doing. for a lot of S2, in dubai, there is an unease felt and a forced manner of discussing all of these "happy" memories they have together, but a lot of it still feels real. like an authentic couple that's been married a long, long time and settled into each other. 2x5 shows us a layer peeled back and starts to break the illusion, but just like with louis' happy moments with lestat, it doesn't change that those moments still exist.

the show itself is always telling us that everything we see of any of this are parts of a whole. just like real life, all events have different perspectives. if louis' memory hadn't been erased after 2x5 then who knows what would have happened. but louis also wouldn't have left lestat on his own without claudia too, so maybe nothing?

the core of all of these relationships is what they reveal about the characters. while loustat has been said to be the main focus throughout, it doesn't lessen any of the others. all of these characters are around each other for eternity and have to endure each other somehow, whatever their current status with each other. I don't think anyone has to have any relationship preference to watch the show tbh, bcuz they're all related in the end anyway.

[noperopesaredope]

Jacob & Coco Across the Universe (Post-Canon Collector AU): The Collector’s New Outfit!

So, I was planning to put out Coco and Jacob’s outfit redesigns together, but I’ve been having the slightest bit of trouble with Jacob’s and I may just start over on it entirely. I still wanted to at least put out Coco’s design, so I’m just letting it be it’s own post. I’ll release more of my designs later.

So, without further ado, here’s an edit with their new outfit!

I also decided to do a little practice for getting the hang of their basic design elements, and made this:

I found the reference in my photos and I unfortunately have no idea where it came from or who made the original, so if anyone knows, please tell me so I can give them proper credit.

I’m pretty proud of it, in all honesty. The stars are a bit tricky, but I don’t mind the ones on the sleeves being inconsistent. Honestly, Coco might have made it so that it’s shift around and stuff for the sake of aesthetic.

I’m hoping to go for a more “cozy winter outfit” aesthetic to go with the space one. Cod will not dawn this outfit at the beginning of the AU. There will be a specific point in the story in which he decides to change things up a bit. But his hair will be noticeably growing throughout the story even before the outfit change. I like how most of us have been drawing them with a long braid in our timeskip outfits, so I’m keeping that as a thing. I believe the Collector ages slowly compared to the others, so I won’t ever give them much of a growth spurt or puberty. Instead, they will just get long hair that get’s increasingly longer until they’re basically Jinx from Arcane.

You may also have noticed that he has no ears. That is because I like the headcanon that he simply doesn’t have ears. He may have round ears in canon, but I prefer the no ears route. I will never show any of the Collectors’ ears.

Anyways, hope you liked the outfit! I really enjoy drawing it (besides the stars, which I am beginning to regret), and I hope you’ll like some of my future designs to come for this AU!

[woosh-floosh]

JANUARY MEDIA ROUNDUP

Here's everything notable I watched/played/listened to in January yay!! All the yewchub videos and music are linked (and also there's spoilers for the ending to season 5 of Fargo). Let's a go!!

SUPER MARIO RPG

Fun RPG! I see why it’s kept the reputation it has! I love Mario!!!

OLDER, SLOWER B/W EVERYTHING REAL IS FREE - GODDAMN WOLVES

I don’t know what changed with Seven Days a Week/Ah Maria but I’m really digging the latest Goddamn Wolves. I prefer the first song but the second one has a real Fountains of Wayne sound to it.

BARBIE

It’s fine, doesn’t live up to hype at all for me. Extremely hamfisted, shallow, babies first feminist message. Doesn’t seem to be interested in exploring anything deeper. The girl calls Barbie out when she first meets her for all the reductive views of women she represents and this never gets explored! The image of womanhood and femininity it represents is narrow and alienating for someone like me. White feminism at its peak.

IDK I guess it’s fine for preteens who are first being introduced to feminist thought, I probably would have liked it more at 11. But… can’t we do better now?

INDIANA JONES AND THE DIAL OF DESTINY

It’s fine I didn’t pay that much attention.  I liked Helena, I think she’s a good foil to the older Indiana Jones. There’s a lot of noticeable CGI and fake places and that made me sad. Half an hour too long.

Deepfake Harrison Ford is so scary

TASKMASTER CHAMPION OF CHAMPIONS THREE

So fun and funny ^_^ I’ve been rewatching TM NZ with my parents and it’s good… but when you go back to UK you think “Why do I even watch the other versions, nothing could ever top this.”

They also announced the Series 17 line up! I only recognize Nick Mohammad from the couple episodes of Ted Lasso I watched.

BUBBLY - GOOD KID

Seems like everytime a new Good Kid comes out I think “this is good and awesome, their songs seem to keep getting better and better.” I think I am just a bigger Good Kid fan than I want to admit!!

FARGO - SEASON 5

Really good!! Lots of themes to dissect. I was mainly focusing on the theme of misogyny throughout but the finale brought in themes of religion and debt that I hadn’t thought about.

Very glad it stuck the landing in the finale. The ending scene was really funny, and thoughtful and sweet.

Going into the finale I knew they were going to give an ending to the character arc for Lorraine. I was worried that the fact that runs a debt collection agency was going to go uncommented on and thought “the only way I would come around fully to her character is if she forgives all the debt she owns.” The finale has her starting a fund to forgive the debt of prisoners specifically to fuck with the one guy she hates is 1. Very funny and 2. Perfect for her character.

PINOCCHIO IS A STORY ABOUT ART AND GOD - JACOB GELLER

The best video essays are the ones that make you want to gaze out of the window after watching, Jacob Geller consistently does it for me

Thinking about how there is an “other” component to Pinocchio. He’s a little wooden boy but not a “true” boy. Most stories end with Pinocchio becoming a “real boy.” Geller brings up how the story can be about being human, but at the same time becoming a real boy takes away the thing that’s special about him. A Pinocchio story about embracing his own difference and how that doesn’t make him any less of a real boy (because he was a real boy all along!) would make an easy trans metaphor.

Pinocchio also having to learn about the world from a lower baseline than other children seem to have (and being much more gullible) also makes an autism reading easy.

The comments are filled with people saying “You forgot about this story!” and “What about this reading?” that I think this video hit a lot of people the same way.

THE TRUTH ABOUT POINSETTIAS - INDIGO’S FINDINGS

that's a hell of a mystery no one thought was a mystery and didn't even really need solving but damn if it didn't just get solved so nice work

In all honesty, a really good deep dive about a tradition most of us take for granted.

MOONSONG / LAST BATTLE [NEW REMIX] - RADIATI0NAL

You can really hear the homestuck influence in this, I love it

Wish they were working with a bit better samples though

LA LA LAND

One of those movies that makes me go “Wow! This is a really well made movie! Must be amazing for someone who actually likes musicals, romance movies, and classic hollywood.”

SHE SENDS KISSES - THE WRENS

IT NEVER ENDS

Reminds me of the Fargo main theme, even though I don’t think they actually sound that similar? Might just be a me thing

TASKMASTER MINNESOTA - SEASON 2

Wah! I’ll miss you Taskmaster Minnesota!! Wah!!

Way better than last season thanks to the better equipment (I also think Carter makes a much better Taskmaster than Luke, though I think Luke was pretty good as a fill-in contestant!)

David Ha (and whoever else) is extremely good at making up tasks. Multiple tasks that made me think “they should do this on Taskmaster UK!” or use the setting so well it’s perfect

DRAGON QUEST MONSTERS: THE DARK PRINCE

Monsters…

The performance is BAD, the environment textures are BAD, the story is BAD, but those monsters? But those monsters.. Those monsters are damn good

The end ended up being pretty grind-y, I think dragon quest games are known for that, but still a bit of a bummer way to end what I thought was a pretty fun game!

The gameplay loop of synthesis is addicting, every new area feels like an iceberg where beneath the surface are all the new monsters you can make in synthesis!

The ranking system also pushes you to change your team throughout the game to add those higher ranking monsters to your team. One of my problems with pokemon is how the game starts to grow stale once you have a full team. Dragon quest monsters and Yo-Kai watch both side step this problem and keeps the gameplay fresh to the end!

I’m curious about playing the older entries now!

My favorite monster is every slime and Imp

LEAST FAVORITE THING: When Jacob Geller brought AI: Artificial Intelligence in his Pinocchio video and I had to remember how much I hated that movie. We watched in Philosophy class. We didn't even discuss it, we just watched it.

[stories-me]

Potential Character for Mrs. Kelsey and Tumblr 6/25/2024:

Jacob “Jake” Talbot, Werewolf Freshman:

Background:

Jake was an ordinary teenage human who was starting his freshman year at high school, living at home with his parents and his bratty twin sisters. Jake always felt like he never fit in in his family. At school, because of his geeky interests, Jake started out as a bit of an introvert. Unfortunately, there was a full moon one night. When Jake came home, his arm was bleeding, and he claims he was bitten by a really big “dog”. Then after getting exposed to the light of the moonlight, Jake slowly started turning into a real live WEREWOLF!!!

Now stuck in this new monster form, soon after, Jake receives a mysterious letter announcing his transfer to Cemeterra High, a creepy school, in a monster-dominated land called “Cemeterra”. But since monsters have a very medieval attitude toward humans, Jake had enough sense not to mention he used to be human. The terrified boy was having a very difficult time fitting in, and was desperate to find a cure for his werewolf curse to return to his old life, until a kindly group of teenage monsters took him in and befriended him. With their help, Jake learns to survive the trials and tribulations of being a teenaged monster, and in doing so, he begins to change his outlook on the monster world, as well as his own life.

Personality:

Jake is essentially the straight-man of the story, to balance all the creepy and more eccentric personalities the other monster students. Due werewolves often being stereotyped as brutish and aggressive creatures, Jake has an even harder time fitting in. Surrounded by real monsters in a scary new school, Jake can be very scared and jumpy when something supernatural surprises him. This has earned him a reputation in school for being a “wussy werewolf” who’s afraid of his own shadow.

Although Jake can get easily frustrated with this new monstrous environment he wants to escape from, he is really a very intelligent, friendly, and compassionate guy. When he’s not scared, Jake has a sarcastic, smart sense of humor and a laid-back, yet geeky demeanor. Jake is shown to have a sense of responsibility that surprisingly mature for someone his age, but sometimes it gets to the point where he will blame himself for something he believes he caused, even when it is not really his fault. Jake eventually realizes that he didn’t love himself in the beginning. Jake is so scared and angry about his curse, that he at first doesn’t often take the time to appreciate all the good things that it’s brought him, like his new friends. He is hesitant to accept the wolf side of his identity, but as the series progresses, he learns to fight against the discrimination of others and his own belittling, and embraces his new werewolf side, and all the good things it has blessed him with!

While starting off as a shy and scared introvert, Jake grows throughout the series to be exceptionally brave and intrepid, even risking his life on a number of occasions to protect others, especially those he loves, i.e. Valerie Bloodworth the vampire and his other friends. Jake won’t tolerate it when others take advantage of other, not being afraid to stand up for himself and those who cannot do so themselves, or inspiring them to as well. He also grows to be more confident, optimistic, and outspoken, as he gradually comes to accept his new monster form and environment as his new reality. Though there isn’t a day that goes by when Jake misses his old human life, he has grown quite accustomed to the new friends he’s come to know.

How he is like me:

Sometimes, I feel a bit like a fish out of water in society (especially when frustrated with people or anxious or something). And, of course, I sometimes worry when we go on vacation, or when I’ve heard rumors we may move. We also both have a support system, and can get quite frustrated with things. One thing I’ve been doing lately to help me with my Autism and anxiety is envisioning myself in a safe environment (like my room) and Prana Breathing, in order to shut off the “Fight-or-Flight” sensation.

Kelsey Notes:

Warewolf life/monster form can be like navigating adulthood and maturity

Jake doesn’t fit the typical sterotype of being a warewolf- as you learn to manage the characteristics of an autism diagnosis that can be true for you as well

New environments can be easily frustrating because you don’t know what to expect and people with autism typically stick within a strict routine that is predictable and comfortable (sometimes like groundhog day)

Going on vacation means we are out of our comfort zome- we are in unfamiliar places and around people we don’t typically see

This can cause anxiety because you have to vary your thinking in terms of maintaining calm while carrying on conversations and having less time with preferred activities

As you become an adult anxiety about the future can be scary because you are used to where you are and the people in your life- the idea of that changing means you don’t know what is going to happen

In those moments where moving might be brought up it’s important to remember BIG PICTURE THINKNG

Planning for the future makes it much less stressful when certain things arise as you grow further into adulthood- some people want to be closer to family when they are retired

Fortunately you are connected to many people through zoom so moving may not as bad as you might think it would be.  Your house would change but it would quickly become a new normal before you realize it

When fear of the future crops up it’s important to remember that your parents will make sure the time is right for you and they will do what they can to prepare you to the best of their ability

[sennthefern]

A Thousand Suns Part 2 Chapter 2 Meta

Hi here’s my messy notes on Chapter 2 since it was, I kid you not, the most difficult chapter to write so far. Granted a lot of that has to do with the fact that I was trying to integrate ancillary material from the comics. However, the actual biggest challenge by far was the core problem: how do you get a paragon Shepard to willingly join Cerberus?

On John & joining Cerberus

I think this is a really interesting question and that’s one of the main reasons I wanted to initially write this fic. Needless to say, I had my work cut out for me from the get go. I’ll try my best to go into how I achieved this.

The way Cerberus operates in this chapter is through a lot of very subtle manipulation choices. Obviously there’s the fact that Jacob lies to John at the very start of the chapter, convincing him that he’s Alliance and that this is merely some kind of black ops off-the-record nonsense, but it runs a bit deeper than that. Each character from Cerberus has a different role to play in John’s manipulation. Jacob is the confidant, allowing someone for John to trust (and trust is a BIG factor in his story for ME2,) Miranda is the “bad cop” in the sense that she’s very upfront and plain about her plans, and Kai Leng is the “worse cop,” aka the guy that makes everyone else look better by virtue of being a giant jackwad. 

On a subtler layer you’ll notice that Miranda is always whisking people along, creating environments and situations where John doesn’t have all the information and is oftentimes the last person leaving the room. Kai Leng is there to run interference, goading John into not paying attention to what’s really happening. The biggest thing that they try to do throughout the course of this chapter is to separate John and Liara, with the intention that John agrees to work with them and further a growing wedge between the two.

Obviously there’s also the exploitation of John’s emotional state when they reveal they’re looking Julia’s body, and Cerberus’ callous treatment of the potential for her resurrection/retrieval. And who’s there to sum it all up in a bow? The Illusive Man, doing his spin doctor routine and sweet talking John with a thousand more surprises and promises. Of course, John’s not an idiot. So he tries his best to keep his distance and have his cake and eat it too. He wants to use Cerberus’ resources without actually working with them. 

But that is literally impossible. In a way it’s deterministic; you can’t use Cerberus’ resources without being a part of Cerberus (whether you like it or not.) Granted, a lot of the time he’s been ‘working with them’ has been spent waiting for the SR-2 to be completed, so the conversation with Anderson at the start of the chapter is really the first time he’s challenged on his allegiances. 

By the end, however, we see John’s central challenge resolved: morals be damned, he has to see this through. The Alliance turned their back on him. He’s got to continue the fight on his own. 

And I think that’s kind of the interesting thing about this fic. How these two twins change and how their respective moral codes rub off on one another. (And yes, I know everyone has been trying to figure out if/when/how Julia is returning. To that I say: I haven’t forgotten; just hang tight :D)

On Omega & the Terminus

So to be completely upfront, ME2 is my least favorite game in the trilogy. Yes, ME1’s gameplay is worse and the writing is weird. Yes, ME3 is… ME3, but I do like the combat in it and i find it to be a satisfying enough conclusion. ME2, though? Where do i start?

I think my biggest gripe is the way the Terminus is handled. In ME1 the Terminus Systems is presented as an alternative region comparable to Citadel Space, even if it lacks a central government. The entire reason the Council doesn’t send in a fleet after Saren to Ilos is because it would spark a war with the Terminus. Cut to ME2 and I realize… who the heck would the war be with? The Vorcha? The freaking blood pack?? Sure, the Hegemony’s there, but they got their asses beat so badly by a barely-interstellar humanity in the blitz that they fully receded from Council Space. Instead the Terminus is presented as the wild west, mainly composed of gangs, gangs, and more gangs. This is so reductive!!! Why would you set a game in a new area only for that part of the universe to be left so empty?

Anyways that’s enough of my soapbox rant. As for how I’m approaching the Terminus, I’m pulling a lot from the ME1 depiction and (perhaps unsurprisingly) a lot of ancillary material. There’s more than just Omega and the Hegemony and mercenaries. There’s rogue asari enclaves and volus anarcho-capitalist trade unions and, most pressingly, the Lysthenti Salarians. They get (i kid you not) a SINGLE sentence in mass effect: ascension and i just�� what is the story there!! they’re genetically distinct?? they were forced off Sur’Kesh????? They have their own government in the Terminus???????? Crazy shit. I need to know more BioWare!!

How will these things all work in the actual story? I have no idea. But needless to say that’s how I’m approaching it. (I also pull quite a bit of inspo from Ascension in the description of Omega in this chapter, as well.)

Jacob, Cerberus, and Kai Leng

What can I say about these idiots that hasn’t already been said? I actually don’t hate Jacob. I think he’s a terribly mismanaged character and very poorly written, but he’s not like, bad. Like i said earlier, the biggest theme of ME2 is trust. Who can John trust? Can he really trust anyone? Jacob, to me, is The Guy for this question. John should want to trust him!!! But unfortunately, Jacob sucks! And that’s a juicy conflict!!!!

You may have been surprised to see Kai Leng in this chapter. I know I was when I wrote it. This is a bigger part of the project to integrate ME2 and 3 better. Kai Leng and Cerberus’ Dealings (what those exactly are will be explored LaterTM) are going to be a bigger part of ME2. Did you know that Kai Leng is a big part of the comics? I didn’t! His stuff isn’t great by any means, but it’s at least interesting. (The same cannot be said about his in-game appearances.)

Not to harp on ME2 more, but I am surprised at how little the game actually focuses on Cerberus’ characters. There are interesting things in the lore! Eva Core! Kai Leng! Grayson, Pel, and Golo! The internal politics of an organization that by design is asymmetrical and secretive! I chalk a lot of this up to the fact that Shepard is not willingly working with them in 2, but for a Shepard who is, how much info does he get? Who’s his handler? How much access is he given? These are the questions I really want to explore. 

[aquanova99]

Omg wow we are getting a lot of content these days! I was wondering what you think of Alice since she seems to be everyone’s favorite and extremely op

Lmao thanks anon, appreciate it 😊 also before i get into what I think about Alice, did anyone else notice that any asks have the erase and answer button dangerously close to eachother? I was so scared and careful to not erase anything

Okay on to my opinions 😬

People only like Alice because she was either their sexual awakening and that’s thanks to Ashley Greene 😍 or they like their own headcanons of her.

Sorry. Okay now for the explanation. Alice is next to Edward one of the worst Cullens.

Alice is a bad friend

And no one wants to admit it. Several times throughout the books she shows us how little she actually cares about Bella. We know Bella hates attention and what does Alice do force her to have a birthday party. Bella hates weddings and after she agrees to marry Edward wants to Elope? Alice guilt trips Bella and tells her she doesn’t even love her because she won’t let her throw her Bella a wedding. Bella wants to see Jacob? Alice keeps her hostage in exchange for a Porsche, which she can buy her self btw. She also knows that the day Edward and Bella breathe on eachother for four hours in the meadow that Bella might not make it out of there, she still encourages Edward to go because she wants Bella to be her Barbie doll friend. Actually on that note, in midnight sun we find out there’s a bigger chance Bella becomes a happy meal to Edward but if she makes it they’ll be great friends which is why she encourages Edward to talk to her in the first place

Alice’s Gift is only a Plot Point

I know there’s at least one person who won’t accept this but oh well. But seriously her gift works solely for Bella’s story. She can’t see the wolves because she was never a one of them, same with Renasberry, right? Wrong. She was able to see James coming to eat her when she was a human, she’d never been a vampire. On the topic of the wolves, would Bella never leave Jacobs side after that? Like she should have been able to see Bella at some point in the future because she wasn’t with Jacob at every second of the day.

Also her gifts work if she’s looking for a certain person or said person affects her in some way. The whole point that the volturi need Alice doesn’t make sense because she would have to focus on every vampires intention to hurt the volturi and as we see in breaking dawn it’s exhausting to be constantly searching so she’d be kind of useless. Not to mention the decision to attack the volturi could very well be random and it would be too late before she saw it coming because she can’t se last minute decisions, which is why she didn’t see Bella going off to the ballet studio in the first book.

Supposedly she used her visions to find the safest option for her to survive, which should be the volturi honestly so that doesn’t really track. Alice is just molded into whatever SMeyer needs at that moment and it’s usually for Bella’s sake.

I’m sorry but she not a good person

I mean other than how she treats Bella. Homegirl was the first one to throw the dog insult to Jacob (not getting into how SMeyers treatment of the wolfpack was so racist it’s unbelievable people still defend her). She tells Bella that werewolves aren’t safe when her husband literally slurped Bella up like a capri sun a few months prior on her birthday.

The first thing she does when she wakes up is literally have a vision of Jasper and she says, “ooh a confederate? That’s the one for me.” And before any one comes for me and says she changed him canonically SMeyer has said that the mindset they died in is the mindset they have so fuck off he’s still racist and he was proud to be a confederate in eclipse, and yes I headcanon him differently because I love Jackson Rathborne. Anyways back to Alice…

She uses her gift to manipulate everything. There’s one point in the books where she’s says that she knows something because “she’s seen it” and Bella can’t tell if she’s just saying that because there’s no way to know and she knows she can just say that and people will believe her. She issues her gift to have an endless supply of money that she uses so no one in the Cullens wears the same thing twice. I’m sorry but do you know how wasteful that is? Not to mention that would be so suspicious even if she did donate them, which would jeopardize the Cullens. She has all of this money and does absolutely no good with it, I can’t stand her.

They e been around so many years you would think they would invest in a lab to make some kind of synthetic blood but she doesn’t actually care about people, as stated above when she was risking Bella’s life on the off chance she gets a friend. And she knew she would have to go with the Cullens so she tried the veggie diet on and off not because she cared about humans but because she needed the Cullens protection as a coven.

Also Alice and her love of shopping and parties, if Alice had been juman Bella would have HATED her. Jessica likes the same things but she’s villanized because that’s superficial and shallow. Alice is Jessica in vampire form but everyone loves Alice because she’s quirky and fun and buys stuff for Bella that Bella doesn’t want.

I will absolutely add more to this but this is all that comes to mind at the moment.

[bobbie-robron]

Robron Fanfiction Recommendations (Mar-2022)

The below were/recommended during Mar-2022 on Twitter. Enjoy!

I’ve got you on my mind (2017) 35.2K words, calthighway

Chrissie hires Aaron to work at her Bar & Grill, the first job he gets on his own. Right at the onset Chrissie’s husband Robert takes a liking to Aaron but Aaron puts him off feeling guilty interfering in Chrissie’s marriage. That doesn’t last long and soon they begin having an affair. Will it be enough for Aaron to share Robert or will the best choice be to end things before they are found out or feelings begin to run deeper.

Almost Enemies, Almost Lovers (2015) 10.2K words, dirtylittlegreasemonkey

1970s Spy AU. Aaron is with the Secret Service and is ordered to follow (not make contact with) Jacob Connolly, a possible informant going by an assumed name that potentially may need to be ‘finished ‘. Making unintentional contact at a bar, Aaron lifts Jacobs wallet. Soon things start looking bad for Jacob but is everything as it appears or is there something more going on that Aaron isn’t aware of…

Need You Now (2016-2018) 101.5K words, TurquoiseTerrior

Dark AU. It’s November 2008 and Sandra has left Gordon taking Liv with her. The difference now is that Aaron wasn’t able to get away and remained. Flash forward to June 2016. Gordon is looking to relocate him and Aaron again due to a new job which would allow him to spend ‘more time’ with Aaron. Before that can happen, Gordon contracts a decorating firm to ready the current house for sale. Enter Robert, the painter from the firm. Little does Gordon know that the arrival of Robert will change everything and offer Aaron the hope he never dreamed of: escaping the nightmare that is his life!

Fraud (2019) 27.1K words, bexcj

Best friend Adam has an interview at White Enterprises but decides he really isn’t interested after all. Instead, Adam has Aaron take his place to be interviewed using his name. Well, things don’t go especially well with it’s CEO Robert doing the interviewing and Aaron being rude and insulting… or so he thought! Aaron gets hired and so begins Aaron’s new job… as Adam Barton. How will Robert take it when he learns Aaron is a fraud especially after they get involved secretly because of the employee/employer conflict and oh, Robert’s straight! But that may not be the only thing standing in their way…

It’s a Crime series (2018) 53.5K total words, nothing_much

-It’s a Crime 29.1K words

-He’s a killer guy 24.4K words

Aaron is a freelancer who hurts and kills people for a living. He meets Robert and Adam’s ex Vic at a bar. Next time Aaron comes across Robert is during a ‘job’ he’s about to complete giving him the perfect witness while at the pub. After that, things develop from friendship and more. Is Aaron willing to give up his ‘day job’ to be with Robert or can he juggle the two lives while keeping Robert in the night. Or with circumstances decide for him. There are two stories in this series, the first with Aaron’s POV and the second, same story but with Robert’s POV.

From the Beginning: Aaron Livesy and Robert Sugden (2016) 105.0K words, shamelessurbanbunny

What was Robert thinking when he realized his Audi was missing and how did he get to the barn? What did Aaron think of Robert’s plan regarding the Home Farm break in and Robert himself? Here, you get to relive the lads story from the very beginning when the Audi was stolen by Ross on 19-Nov-2014 all the way through to Robert’s wedding to Chrissie on 05-Feb-2015 with detailed perspectives by each throughout.

[humans4vampires]

I caught some of your meta on your posts and I peeped around and saw a little Hardin Scott commentary. I saw you unpack this a bit in a chat but I want to hear more so I’ll ask again: If we sub out Jacob for Hardin, who would Bella pick? Edward or Hardin?

Wow, okay. Let's unpack!

I'd say it really depends on the situation; whether or not we're merging plot lines from both series or if we're just hard-swapping Hardin for Jacob in the Twilight Saga. I have so much to say about the two universes colliding, which I would dare say would have a different outcome and a much more compelling storyline, but since you asked this question specifically, I'll just cover what I think would happen if we swapped Jacob Black for Hardin Scott, cold-turkey, without any other peripheral character changes or introductions.

Edward Cullen versus Hardin Black (neé Scott)

Hardin Black is angsty, a little aggressive, and very popular amongst his friends and peers. He's charming, enough so that he's charmed the pants off of most of the girls his age, so he's quite sexually experienced by the time he meets his childhood friend, Bella Swan when she returns to Forks to live with her father.

Charlie Swan knows Hardin well enough to know he doesn't want him hanging around his teenage daughter, but his dear friend, Billy Black hopes that Bella might be a good influence on his gruff son. Charlie keeps a close watch on them when they're together, though he quickly assures himself that Hardin won't be pulling any tricks on his daughter.

Bella and Hardin were a volatile pair together, and both had no issue telling the other what they thought of them. Hardin found Bella to be a boring, plain-Jane, goody-goody, which only was made more apparent in her choice of a boyfriend; the incredibly tame and aggravatingly perfect, Edward Cullen. Over a fish-fry dinner with Billy and Hardin, Bella made a passing comment about Edward to Charlie, to which Hardin's response was, "Even worse than the Newton kid."

Bella saw Hardin as a fuck-boy, to be entirely honest. To her, he was rude and crass, spent too much of his time looking for destructive things to do. And once Edward came into the picture, she saw all of Hardin's flaws in direct comparison to her perfect gentleman in Edward.

Things changed, though, when Edward left Bella in the time during New Moon. Bella spent months essentially catatonic before discovering her new-found passion for adrenaline charging adventurism. Who better to create chaos with than Hardin?

Now, here's where some things take a turn. Hardin isn't interested in wholesome 'fun' like our sweetie pie, Jacob Black. Hardin drinks and parties and stirs up trouble. Bella falls in with Hardin, but does a good job of leveling him out a bit. They bond over their shared love of classic literature and spend their days recovering from their wild teenage nights by reading passages to each other on an old quilt on the beach in La Push.

Eventually, the two build a strong and trusting relationship, full of witty teasing and more balanced joy. They spend less and less of their time with friends at parties and more and more time alone. Bella proves to be a good equalizer for Hardin and Hardin a good measure of happiness for Bella. The two do end up having sex and continue to have a sexual relationship leading up to the time Hardin transforms into a werewolf.

Both Bella and Hardin manage to help each other with a lot of their varying emotional baggage, and in many ways, they are able to supplement each other well. Hardin's fear of abandonment is well cared for in Bella's over-attentiveness and need to be the "parent," while this quality in Bella is better balanced by Hardin's more carefree and narcissistic tendencies. In this, I mean to say that Hardin encourages Bella to let loose and think of herself first - which becomes even more liberating for Bella when the two begin their sexual relationship.

I'll pause here to unpack this more: I'm not just putting in this saucy tad-bit for your reading pleasure. You cannot have Hardin as a character without the sexual chemistry with the female protagonist. At his core, he's still an adaptation of Christian Grey and Harry Styles. This is not a comment on Harry Styles' sexual prowess, just to be clear - but Christian Grey is sex personified, and thus, is Hardin Scott (or Black, in this case). Which is so interesting to think about, considering Christian Grey is just an adaptation of Edward Cullen, thus, Hardin has enough at his core to be a strong contender for Bella. And, Bella Swan, at her core, is very in-tune with her sexuality. Stephenie Meyer may not be overly colorful with Bella's lustfulness, but it's obvious and apparent throughout the series. Bella and Hardin would have sex eventually and this would complicated things for the both of them, especially when Edward returns.

Now, as the whole werewolf thing unfolds and Bella is forced, by Hardin, to separate from him, the gravity of their relationship and their sexual encounters pushes Bella to another breaking point. She feels rejected and isolated with Hardin distancing himself and the feeling that she loses Edward the more she let's Hardin in hits her harder in Hardin's absence. Not to mention, her relationship with Hardin isn't exactly as easy-breezy beautiful, Cover Girl, like her relationship with the subbed-out Jacob was. Jacob, remember, is very go-with-the-flow, sunshine with a candy-coating sweet - and Hardin is very much not. All of those character flaws that make Hardin who he is are still there. Their relationship is tumultuous, which makes Bella question herself and exacerbates her insecurities.

There's not much time between the two reuniting after the werewolf is out of the bag -Get it? like the 'cat out of the bag?'- and when Bella leaves for Italy to save Edward. This moment triggers Hardin's abandonment issues big time and this is the moment Bella spends the next three books trying to overcome with Hardin. She does come back with Edward and she does continue her relationship as she did in Eclipse and Breaking Dawn, but with the added layer of sexual history and intense chemistry with Hardin throughout the rest of the saga, Bella struggles much more with her feelings for both men. Sex complicates things in a big way and definitely proved her feelings for Hardin very early on in the saga.

This also adds so much more complexity to her relationship with Edward, who very much knows what happened while he was away and very much blames himself for how Bella and Hardin's relationship developed - as he did with Bella and Jacob.

Ultimately, do I think that Bella would choose Hardin over Edward in the end? No. But Hardin does present a compelling swap that I'd say could keep you truly wondering if she was going to change her mind at any point.

I would like to assert here that Renesmee should never have happened like that and I will not even discuss the repercussions.

In the end, Bella would choose Edward for all the things that Hardin is not and cannot be; a perfect God-like creature that shifted her entire perspective of what life was and what life could be. Hardin, or Jacob, could never compete with that.

But the saga would have been so much more dynamic with the tension and the complexity that sex brings to a love story. Imagine Bella tossing and turning at night, Edward agonizing over hearing Hardin's name on her lips. Imagine Edward being tormented by Hardin's mental replays of his nights with Bella every time he looks at her. Imagine how much more conflicted Edward would be about his sexual relationship with Bella! The added complexity of his feelings of her being with Hardin and being nervous!! Oh, I can't even go into that right now...

It would make so much more sense for him to want to commit to her in marriage too! He'd want to solidify their love in a new and different way than she had with Hardin. And it would probably be the reason Bella would agree to it.

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

[bellaslilpapercut]

The combination of how the cullens behave towards people and how little they care (as per therealvinelles metas) and fuckmeyers metas and how often they are incredibly immoral and strange, what is their motive for vegitarianism? Like, their reasons for why they do it are clear sometimes but what is their internal justification for it? What do they think their motives are?

This is an interesting question!! I think for some of the cullens it's clearer and more consistent than others:

Carlisle: was prepared to die rather than violate the "sanctity of life" right from the moment he was turned. Now, what he considers life is definitely influenced by his (and meyer's) christianity*. He had no qualms with eating animals as a human or as a vampire. He also cares about the shifters up to a point. Based on book canon, he would never kill one of the pack members and he does value the treaty more than the others Cullens (especially Edward) but I think he also sees himself as somewhat superior to them. He ran tests on Jake's blood without consent, valuing his own curiosity over Jacob's right to his own body. But that's a whole other meta lol. Anyway, I think Carlisle, like many christians*, values "human" (he's added vampires and shifters to this) life period over quality of life. He didn't let Rose die because it would have been a "waste" but he didn't consider what a curse immortality would be for her. Alive in any condition is better than dead for Carlisle and I believe that is his core motivation for continuing the diet (and for turning the 4 vampires that he did).

Jasper: I put him second because I agree with @therealvinelle that Jasper might have figured out the vegetarian diet on his own eventually even if he'd never met alice. Jaspers gift made it painful for him to feed and in Eclipse he tells Bella that he went so far as to starve himself for periods of time just to avoid the emotional pain of feeding. His self control still isn't perfect but he is the only Cullen who personally needs the diet, not for moral reasons like Carlisle, but because feeding from humans is almost traumatizing for him.

Esme: her only motivation for the diet is carlisle. Honestly during my reread Esme comes across as nice, not kind, and very nearly agoraphobic. She avoids most humans except for Bella and only works in isolation (renovating a house by herself during NM). She isn't doing the diet because she likes being around people and needs to control her urges and blend, she isn't doing the diet out of compassion (she told Edward he could eat Bella in MS if that's what he needed to do), and she has no physical or emotional need like Jasper to refrain from eating humans. She only does it because Carlisle, the man she had romanticized and adored since she was 16, "saved" her and taught her this diet. She does it for him.

Rosalie: Rosalie is also in a unique position within the Cullen clan because for her the diet is not about morals or need but control. And with her "origin story" so to speak, it makes perfect sense. The last moments of her life were senseless violence. For her, whether she would admit it or not, the diet is entirely about exerting control over her current undead life. Regaining the agency that was taken from her in her last moments of life and in the first moments of her life as a vampire. You can see it in the way she speaks of her record as well- she doesn't care that she isn't killing humans or drinking them, she cares because she has self control. She is empowered by her spotless feeding record and she feels justified in the deaths she did cause (even brushing off the two guards she killed to get to Royce).

Edward: Edward only does the diet for his own internal theater. He's wrapped up in his own unfolding drama- when he turns away from Carlisle he turns himself into a vigilante, scouring the night for sexual predators, drug abusers, pedophiles, and deviants. It's very Film Noir for him. He tells Bella that he couldn't bear to kill "good" humans which was why he went after "villains" when he did break from the diet but as we learn in MS when he fantasizes about killing literally the entire Quileute tribe, Edward doesn't care about killing "good" humans either. Edward would kill anyone as long as the reason was justified by his own theater. He'd kill Mike Newton out of "love," he'd kill deviants on the street to "prove" himself, he'd even try to kill to whole Volturi just to martyr himself and "prove" that they really were evil after all. Edward only does the vegetarian diet while it fits with his self image. With Bella, he sees himself as saintly, "like carlisle," punishing himself with thirst so that he deserves the Bella Madonna he invented in his own head. And of course, a lot of his self image and image of world is warped into a wonky Carlisle shape because he's fully obsessed with his creator. He does the diet in part for carlisle (which we see in NM when Alice "sees" edward killing hundreds of tourists in volterra and then changing his mind so that he doesn't disappoint carlisle) and in part because of his own mental theater.

Emmett, Alice, & Bella: all three do the diet because "that's what cullens do." They aren't motivated by love of carlisle, like Esme, even if they may all respect carlisle (tbh I wouldn't believe that any of them feel love for anyone though that comes down to meyers ability to show genuine love in the first place. But again that's a whole other meta lolol). They don't really care about humans at all as all three have the "slip ups happen, lol" attitude about eating humans. Alice does the diet because she "saw" it, Emmett does the diet because Carlisle turned him, Bella does the diet because she's a Cullen. If edward wanted to leave and go on a binge-eating road trip through every city in america, Bella would tag along.

Renesmee: honestly I don't remember BD well and I'm not there yet in my reread but I vaguely remember Renesmee being capable of biting humans (and Jacob) without killing them. If this is the case, I don't think Renesmee will be following the diet for very long at all because why bother reigning herself in if she can sip on a human with no real consequence of murder?

Of course, I assume Renesmee will still be "vegetarian" in meyers threatened sequel because the out of universe reason the cullens have to be vegetarians is simply, they need to be superior. They need to stand out from those other nasty vampires who are only vegetarians for sex or worse, aren't vegetarians at all! The theme of valuing existence over quality of life is really consistent throughout the saga, from Carlisle's choice to turn the cullens that he did to Bella's decision to keep Renesmee. Its a very pro-life series through and through.

* I didn't want to get too wordy there but I mean the US's specific brands of christianity like evangelicalism and mormonism. In the US, christians value "sanctity of life" over quality of life in every way. (Ergo why it's easier to pass abortion bans than universal healthcare here.) I don't think meyer really paid much attention to historical accuracy when she wrote Carlisle (if she thought london had sewers in the 17th century, I doubt she would know the nuanced differences between modern and early protestantism) so I think his own religious beliefs are more reflective of modern US christianity than 17th century britain's christianity. *

[sevenkittensinatrenchcoat]

Cast Interviews From 1986 vs. 2016

So, I’ve found a podcast that’s been interviewing various Cats cast members and superfans. Most of the interviews come from the cast of the Broadway Revival, but there are also several interviews from US Tour III which went from 1986 to 1988. So we’ve got a bit of both old and new. Here’s what I’ve learned about how things have changed over the years and why the Broadway Revival is such a confused mess:

In the interviews of US Tour III cast members, it seemed like everyone was told the story of the play and had a pretty clear idea of what was going on. Some actors were given backstories for their characters, but the amount of detail varied. Actors cast as Munkustrap and Tugger were told that their characters were brothers and the sons of Old Deuteronomy. Actors cast as Demeter were given a full backstory for the character. However, Grizabella’s story remained vague. Bombalurina, Mistoffelees, and Sillabub also had no confirmed backstories, and most of their characters were improvised during rehearsals. Also, since this tour was from 1986-1988, a lot of cast members don’t remember a lot of what they were told. It’s been a while.

Out of the backstory and character information provided, Demeter’s was the most consistent. She was kidnapped by Macavity, escaping shortly before the events of the play. She’s an outsider to the tribe, but she knows Bombalurina and stays close to her. Bombalurina also had some experience with Macavity, but she enjoyed it more than Demeter did. This lines up with what Jacob Brent said about Demeter in the 1998 version.

Some character dynamics are different from more modern versions. Alonzo is Demeter’s love interest, as was typical with Broadway-based productions. Also, in most productions, Alonzo doesn’t get along with Tugger, but he’s a fan of him in this version.

Outside of Alonzo, it was made perfectly clear that Mistoffelees was played as a full adult, the same age as Munkustrap. The actor who played him throughout the tour, Randy Slovacek seemed to have made up most of Misto’s characterization in that production by himself. Misto was friends with Grizabella in the past and wasn’t upset by whatever she did to upset the others. When she first appears, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer, taking the place of Coricopat and Tantomile, who were cut for the tour, run up to her and try to chase her away. Misto calls them off, but Munkustrap won’t let him do anything else to help her and he respects his authority too much to try anything.

The interviews of the Broadway Revival cast tell a very different story of what was going on behind the scenes. Apparently, they were rushed for time and there weren’t as many rehearsals before the show as there usually are. That, combined with the new choreography meant that nobody really knew what they were doing. Munkustrap and Tugger were confirmed to be siblings, but very little backstory information was given outside of that. The few cast members who worked with Gillian Lynne seemed to have a better idea of what was going on with their characters. Andy Blankenbuehler was still figuring things out and wasn’t able to offer similar clarity. The few times anyone was told anything, it was usually by Trevor Nunn.

Basically, Nunn and Lynne invented Cats, and nobody else seems to know how the fuck any of it works.

Tyler Hanes and Sara Jean Ford knew each other before being cast and they came up with a lot of backstory for their characters, which everyone else got drawn into. Ford played Jellylorum as the same age as Tugger. Since the actors are best friends, so are the characters, even though that makes little sense with their personalities. Jennyanydots, Bombalurina, Demeter, and Grizabella were in that same age range as well. It appears that nobody was anywhere between Munkustrap and Old Deuteronomy in age, for some reason. Jenny and Skimble are a couple in this version, so Skimble’s probably also in this group. They have kittens together. Electra and Rumpleteazer are among them, though nothing was said about Mungojerrie. The merge with Coricopat and Tantomile in the US Tour implies that they’re twins in that version. In the Broadway Revival and the tour based on it, they’re apparently unrelated.

Grizabella ended up with a far more detailed backstory, all made up by the cast. She’s Jellylorum’s sister and she stole a man away from her and Jelly never loved again. None of the kittens are Jelly’s, though she’s sort of the nanny to all of them. Griz also had some sort of affair with Tugger and broke his heart, which is why he doesn’t do commitment. Then, Griz ran off with Macavity, got dumped for Bombalurina, and then she got dumped for Demeter who decided that Macavity was bad news pretty early on and ditched him. The relationship was abusive, but no one mentioned a kidnapping. After leaving Macavity, Griz was no longer welcome in the tribe, even though Bomba and Demeter were because Reasons. Forgetting that these characters are not human, she then got addicted to drugs, was driven to prostitution to support her drug habit, had a bunch of kids, and then left those kids to be raised by Jenny, who resents her for it. Nobody says which kittens are Grizabella’s. Portions of this backstory were used in the 2019 movie.

Also, I can say that some of the characterization issues with Tugger were, in fact, a direct result of the choreography changes. Tyler Hanes wanted to play up the sexuality of the character in a way that the new choreography didn’t allow. If Gillian Lynne’s choreography had been used for the number, Tugger’s characterization probably would’ve turned out very different, but the changes meant that what Hanes knew about the character, and how the audience perceived the character, were altered by the new choreography putting emphasis on vanity instead of sexuality.

So, that’s the story so far. Compared to at least one early production, the Broadway Revival was rushed and poorly thought out. The actors were given little information and left to fend for themselves, and they prioritized their bonds with their irl friends over what made sense for their characters. Interviews of cast members from both the revival and the following tour reference Andy Blankenbuehler as the one who had all the information, who the cast looked to for instructions. But, he had no idea what he was doing and couldn’t really help them.

Most of the problems can be traced to Blankenbuehler not knowing what he was doing and never really figuring it out. Though, some blame has to be placed on the cast who, left to their own devices, had a lot of bad ideas. Hanes and Ford in particular, though it was good that someone was trying to take charge, created a bit of a mess. None of Jellylorum’s character resembles any other Jellylorum characterization I’ve ever seen, and it doesn’t even come across clearly on stage. The young cast all seemed to struggle with the idea of playing older characters and nobody told them that they couldn’t age them down. The generation gap between Tugger and Jenny and Jelly is character information that’s now completely lost on the audience. You need older characters disapproving of Tugger to show that he’s a controversial figure to the tribe, not just an annoyance to Munkustrap.

But, some of the worst characterization problems were not entirely the fault of the cast. As I mentioned before, Tugger’s characterization was changed by the choreography. Grizabella had already been aged down by her redesign. Since Demeter’s kidnapping backstory wasn’t explained, this affected how Demeter was portrayed. Her sympathy for Grizabella came from having been on that side of town as Macavity’s prisoner and seeing the condition she was in. Without that backstory, Kim Faure may have not known that Demeter was supposed to have sympathy for Grizabella and interpreted her part differently. This was the result of unclear direction.

What We’ve Learned Today:

1. In the 1980s, Mistoffelees was, in fact, played as older than Jacob Brent played him in the VHS.

2. Munkustrap and Tugger (and not Mistoffelees) have pretty much always been the sons of Old Deuteronomy.

3. The backstory Jacob Brent gave for Demeter was the standard backstory for the character well before the VHS was filmed.

4. Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer were considered twins in the 1980s and most likely continued to be seen as such until the revival era, though I haven’t exactly checked in with every single production.

5. The Broadway Revival was a behind the scenes and nightmare and it’s mostly Blankenbuehler’s fault.

6. Gillian Lynne wrote Cats. Andrew Lloyd Webber wrote a concept album.

7. There are no middle-aged cats in the 2016 revival. I think Sara Jean Ford started it.

8. The idea that Grizabella’s backstory involved Macavity started with the 2016 cast improvising.

9. Kim Faure’s Demeter was most likely OOC due to a removal or lack of explanation of backstory.

10. Sometimes it’s okay to do things the same way they’ve been done before.

[dumdumsun]

Forever and Never

A/N: Enjoy ❤️

Warnings: mentions of marijuana and rape

Word Count: 2493

—————————————

Five: The Beauty That Is Stanley Barber

“And after I found out what happened, I became kinda cold towards him…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That Monday, I had felt like absolute shit. I had never gotten that drunk before, that I guess I was still recovering from Ricky’s party. I hadn’t remembered much of anything other than dancing, kissing Stan, and being alone with Ricky. My mind went blank once that door locked. It truly angered me that I let myself get intoxicated enough to lose my virginity to the one person I wanted to keep it away from, but that was just the story of my life. I hadn’t spoken to anyone since then, not wanting my headache to increase by staring at a phone screen. When Pam got home, she only tutted at me as a ‘told you so’ before proceeding to baby me for the entirety of Sunday. I hadn’t complained, not for a second. In her care, I almost forgot what it was like to be swarmed by my overbearing school body. Walking into school that Monday instantly shifted my mood. The overlapping conversations, the constant bumping into everyone, countless greetings I didn’t bother to return. I just rubbed my temples and sped down the hall. Almost at my locker, I heard a familiar voice call out to me. It was too familiar to ignore, so I turned to find Dina, standing at her locker with a friend. She whispered something to her companion, leading them to smile at us both and walk away. Her eyes assessed me as I approached her, leaning against her neighboring locker. She chuckled and crossed her arms. “Well, someone is still fucked up.”

“Yeah, I feel like shit,” I mumbled. “Is Ricky looking as bad as I am?”

“No,” Dina frowned in confusion. “He was nowhere near as drunk as you.”

Despite its protest, I snapped my head up to attention. “Huh? Yeah, he was. We were both shitfaced.”

“I’m telling you, (Y/N), Ricky was tipsy for, like, half an hour. He had been looking for you once he sobered up.”

My heart dropped to my stomach as my mouth dried up. Pushing myself off of the locker, I turned and walked away, my head too foggy to hear Dina calling after me. He can’t and won’t do that to you again, (Y/N). That’s what I told myself right before entering that party.

Well, he did. And he did so much worse.

Ricky wouldn’t do that without consent, right? He was so respectful towards me, he was patient with me.

He never was patient when it came to sex. That’s why I avoided him in the first place.

My breathing was labored, my vision was clouded by tears, my mind went haywire. Ricky raped me. I got drunk and I isolated myself in a room with him. A locked room. He knew what he was doing. As I passed the girls’ bathroom, I saw a familiar blur of curls, but my mind forced my legs to keep moving. I caught onto the last bit of what he was saying to me.

“-- doing okay? How are you feeling?” When I didn’t respond, he sighed. “Why is no one talking to me today…?”

Maybe it was his defeated tone, maybe it was the fact that I trusted him most, but without a second thought, I grabbed Stan by the wrist and dragged him around the corner. I led him under the stairs and stopped when we were consumed in darkness. I opened my mouth to tell him, but where do you even start with this? My hands flew to my mouth to muffle the broken sob that escaped. Stan stiffened at the sound before ducking his head to search my face. “(Y/N)? Hey, talk to me. What happened?”

“S-Stan, Stan, I… Me and Ricky had sex at his party.” I shakily whispered. His brows furrowed, and I noticed an eye twitch, but he slowly nodded for me to continue. “B-But… But I-I just t-talked to Dina and s-s-she said that Ricky wasn’t even drunk. I-It was just me, Stan, it was just me.”

“Shit, (Y/N)...” He whispered and let me fall into his chest. I always felt safe in Stan’s presence, in his arms, and he was usually who I turned to if I ever wanted to spill out my feelings to someone. “I-I’m so sorry… Hey, hey, do you wanna go home? I-I can take you home, Nugget.”

“No, I don’t wanna go home.” That was a lie, but Pam and David were sure to be notified if I had missed any classes.

“Well, then… tell me what to do. Do you want me to kick his ass? I’ll kick his ass for you, I swear to god, (Y/N)-”

“No, don’t fight him,” I sniffled. “He’ll beat the shit out of you.”

“Hey…”

“Sorry,” I hiccupped and let him brush my tears from my cheek ever so gently. “I’m so pissed… Like, that was my first time? I didn’t get to even consent to my first time?”

“You know, I heard that if you didn’t consent, it doesn’t count. So… you don’t have to worry about that.” Strangely, his awkward approach at comforting me was what prevented me from curling into myself and spiraling. That had been a gift of his.

Pulling away, I noticed a mark on his face. When I reached up and gently brushed my thumb across the bruise on his eye, he flinched back. “W-What happened to your eye?” When he hesitated, I knew immediately. His dad was home.

“Don’t worry about it,” He mumbled, holding my hand in his. “I just wanna worry about you right now… Because this whole situation is so fucked up. Are you sure you don’t want me to fight him?”

“Well, I want him to get hurt, but not by you.” I tried a smile, but it fell immediately. With a huff, Stan wrapped his arms around me yet again and pulled me against him, letting the sounds of our fellow peers take over.

-------------------------------------------------

“As the temperature increases, if an atom loses one or more electrons, it becomes oxidized!” When Mr File realized his exclamation fell upon deaf ears, he faltered. “Uh… Yeah, okay. Goggles up. Bunsen burners on, and please, please, please, nobody burn down the school.”

Stan carefully watched me as I slapped my goggles onto my face. His hand held mine under the table, causing me to turn to him. “Hey, Nugget, I need to talk to Sydney. Are… you gonna be okay if I-”

“Go ahead.” I whispered, my eyes never leaving him. Ricky was only a table away, and I watched as Stan checked him before giving me a nod. When he turned around to talk to Syd, I felt unsafe. I felt exposed. I felt open to Ricky. My shoulders tensed as I took a deep breath, trying to focus on my work. I felt Stan’s hand on my shoulder as he leaned in close.

“I’ll be right back, I won’t leave you.”

“I know.” I nodded, allowing him to leave the table and follow Syd. My table mate asked if I could hand her the test tube with the blue liquid. I hoped to god she didn’t notice my hand trembling as I reached out to pick it up. Ricky was looking at me. I could feel it. His eyes bore into the side of my face and my hand wouldn’t stop shaking and my table mate was looking at me oddly and-

“Hey! Where are you-”

“Bathroom!”

The sudden exclamations from Sydney and Mr File snapped me out of my daze, my hand naturally letting go of the test tube. Both my classmate and I yelped as the liquid spilled across our table. We stood as our teacher quickly gathered paper towels.

“Shit, I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” I apologized profusely as I felt someone tug me away from the table. The gentle touch informed me that it was Stan and I was safe. He turned me to face him, and I felt hot tears prick the corners of my eyes.

“It’s okay, Miss (Y/L/N). Did any of it get on you?”

“Yes, it got all over me! I have to go!” The warm touch of Stan’s hands slid from my shoulders as I raced out of the classroom. I gasped aloud when I felt Ricky touch my arm.

“Babe, are you-”

“No!” I shouted at him, ripping the door open and dashing down the hall. My heart pumped in my ribcage as I flew down the stairs, hiding in the same place Stan and I were that morning. My knees pulled into my chest as my hands clutched my head.

Calm down, (Y/N)... Calm the fuck down. Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts, (Y/N).

Memories of my dad, of Jacob, of Stan flashed through my mind. My dad and I engaging in a tickle fight. Jacob practically flinging me around his bedroom to the beat of his favorite song. Stan using his comb as a microphone, pointing to me as we belt out the lyrics to some 80’s song blasting throughout his bedroom. The flat of my chest wasn’t heaving as much as I leaned against the wall. I felt safe, I felt calm.

Then I felt a hand on my wrist.

Gasping out, my head snapped up and my gaze focused on Stan. His eyes were searching my face, his hand left my wrist, but hovered close. “Do you… want a hug…?”

I was safe again. “Please.”

The rest of my day consisted of ignoring Ricky and staying under Stan’s protection. I didn’t eat lunch, despite his insisting, I almost had two more panic attacks when Ricky found me alone, and my throat was sore from holding in sobs for hours. In the end, I made it. When I came home, I locked myself in my bedroom and called my dad. He wouldn’t have to know about everything, but it would have filled my heart with so much relief if I could at least hear his voice. The dial droned once, then twice, thrice, and a fourth time before it went to voicemail.

“Please leave a message at the tone.”

My tears spilled over once I heard the high-pitch beep. “D-Dad, hey… Uh, it’s (Y/N)... U-Um… I-I’m not having a good day today, and I know you’re probably hella busy, but I just… I really need to talk to you today. So, please call back as soon as you get this. Please. I-I love you.” And with a shaky breath, I hung up. Three soft knocks averted my attention to the door, where Jacob had just entered.

“Hey, Bug…”

“H-Hey…”

“Do you… maybe wanna watch some movies with me? Your pick.”

“That sounds really great, Jake, but not tonight. I’m just, uh… wanting to be alone.”

“I get it. Totally get it,” He nodded and backed out of my bedroom. “Just know that if you change your mind, I’m down the hall and very willing to drop everything.”

I only nodded as he closed the door. I hadn’t trusted myself enough to spend dinner with the family, so I laid in bed and tried my best to fall asleep. But it wouldn’t come. I was too occupied by my thoughts, too alert. It was honestly stressing me out to the point that I ironically began falling asleep once the sky faded into night. Just as my eyes drooped, I heard a soft tap on my window. I wanted to ignore it but it happened again. And again. And again until I heard a tap that could’ve cracked the window. Jumping up from my bed, I rushed over to find Stan. He had one hand full of small rocks, the other ready to launch. Of course, he stopped upon seeing my form at the window. He dropped the rocks and waved with both his hands. Softly chuckling, I slid my window up. “What?”

“Wanna go for a drive?” He loudly whispered.

“Hell yes.”

I didn’t realize how much I missed Stan until we were on that drive. With his windows down, soft rock music gracing our ears and the wind blowing in our hair, I was brought back to the summer. When we’d spend the day in this car, cruising around Brownsville. We had not a care in the world. We lived in bliss, only with each other for company. Selfish with each other’s time. I had him all to myself those days. As I looked over at him in that moment, I couldn’t help but grin. The curls on his forehead were now leaning with the wind as his fingers tapped to the beat of the song on the steering wheel. He looked so pretty like this, the moonlight kissing his pale skin just right. He was so beautiful and he didn’t even know it. He glanced at me from the corner of his eyes, a blush spreading across his cheeks. “W-What?”

“Nothing, just… I’m happy to be here.”

Later on, we parked in the middle of an empty grocery store parking lot. Reclining the seats all the way back, we let our legs drape outside the car window. In that moment, everything felt perfect. The sweet melody of Vanilla Skin rang throughout my ears as the sound of Stan’s lighter flicking accompanied the night critters’ chirping. This was everything I needed. Bloodwitch, a joint, and Stan by my side. It took us only twenty minutes for our highs to kick in, but this time, it was different. We weren’t stupidly laughing. It was comfortably quiet between us. I suppose we both had our own battles we were fighting that day because at the same time, we both inhaled deeply and soundly exhaled.

“Stan, why isn’t every guy like you?” I quietly asked. He looked over at me with furrowed brows.

“Huh?”

“I mean, why can’t they just be patient? And considerate? And just naturally sweet people? Why can’t they do something for a girl without wanting something else in return…?”

“Why can’t every girl be like you?” He sighed as I reached my arm in the air, fingers grazing the top of his car. “Why can’t they understand that I’m here to help?” He reached his hand up towards mine. “That I wanna help?” Our fingertips touched. “That I love helping?” And our fingers interlocked. Slowly, our joined hands rested in between our bodies, our heads simultaneously turning to each other.

“I don’t know… maybe we’re not meant to meet other people like ourselves…”

His mouth quirked up in a hesitant smile before he leaned closer. I met him in the middle in yet another kiss. I knew that after, we wouldn’t speak of this. We’d reset and go back to normal so that Stan could keep trying with Sydney. I knew he wasn’t mine, that I wasn’t his. But-

Just let me have this.

—————————————

Taglist: @nate-hargreeves @sapphicsyn @stqnley @lonely-kermit @juliet-doesnt-give-a-fuck @moatsnow

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

Answer asap (I feel bad saying that, but I'm stuck). Do you have any resources for dating/not dating non-christians? A dear friend of mine told me they care for me, and I feel the same for them, but... all the resources online warn again and again not to date non-christians lest they endanger my faith. I feel like going forward with this would be ignorant at best and would set us both up for heartbreak. And I fear my fear itself would lead to me trying to convert them. But I still care for them.

Hey, anon! Thanks for reaching out -- the rhetoric among many Christians against interfaith relationships, particularly with the argument that they’re “unequally yoked,” is something I haven’t addressed in years, and have been meaning to discuss again. 

Little disclaimer at the start that this stuff is so contextual, and it’s personal -- I don’t know your life as well as you do, or this friend of yours like you do. Maybe what i say doesn’t fit you and your situation. 

_____________

To begin, I firmly believe that interfaith relationships can be and often are truly beautiful, holy partnerships. (This includes relationships in which one or multiple members identifies as an atheist / otherwise doesn’t ascribe to a particular religion.) 

When both (or all) members are respectful of one another’s beliefs, and find as much joy in learning as in teaching their partner(s), their unique perspectives can deeply enrich one another. You can bear good fruit together that glorifies God and nourishes others. 

This being said, you definitely want to at least begin working through your worries and fears before starting to date this person. If you enter the relationship overwhelmed with fear or guilt about dating them, it’ll bring a lot of resentment and angst. The rest of this post points out things you’ll want to reflect on and read up on before entering this or any interfaith relationship -- and offers resources that can help.

_________

Interfaith Partners: Always “Unequally Yoked”?

I’m sure you’ve seen a certain phrase on those websites you mentioned, drawn from 2 Corinthians 6:14 -- “unequally yoked.”  I’m going to end this post with some alternative ways of interpreting this verse, but what Christians who advise against interfaith relationships take it to mean is something like this:

Just as two animals yoked to the same plow should be of equal strength and on the same page so that one doesn’t do more of the work, or get tugged away from the work by the other one, two partners should also be of equal “spiritual” strength and on the same page when it comes to their faith...

And of course, these people will say, a person who is Christian is definitely spiritually stronger than any non-Christian -- and a non-Christian might just pull them away from The Way, getting them to skip church or prayers or even stop being Christian entirely.

But there are a lot of assumptions there that don’t hold true in every relationship, right? First off, who says every Christian is necessarily “spiritually stronger” than every non-Christian? To claim that is to assume that non-Christians don’t also have access to spirituality or to the Divine -- which I’m going to push against throughout this post. 

Furthermore, the assumption that a non-Christian partner will definitely harm your own Christian faith doesn’t have to be true, as I’ll get to in a second.

So yeah, keeping these assumptions about an interfaith relationship being inherently “unequally yoked” in mind, and with a plan on returning to this phrase at the end, let’s move on to specific things you should think about before entering an interfaith relationship. 

______________

Must a non-Christian partner “endanger” your faith -- or can they enrich it?

If being open to learning about how our fellow human beings perceive the world, humanity, and the divine “endangers one’s faith,” perhaps that kind of faith was not made to last. Perhaps it has to give way in order to birth a new, deeper faith -- a faith that is bold enough to wrestle with God as Jacob did; broad enough to survive questions and doubts and times of grief; and wise enough to perceive the Spirit blowing wherever She will (John 3:8), not only among Christians.

If your partner truly respects you and your faith even if it’s different from theirs, they’ll do what they can to help you be the best Christian you can be -- or at the very least, they will give you the space and time you need to go to church, pray, etc. And you will do the same, helping them to be the best Muslim, Buddhist, or simply person they can be.

I highly recommend asking this friend of yours before you start dating what their thoughts are on your being a Christian, and/or on Christianity in general.

Is it something that makes them happy for you? is it something that makes them deeply uncomfortable? or something that they don’t have strong feelings one way or the other on? .

How “involved” would they be open to being in your faith? Would they be interested in going to church with you, as long as they could trust you weren’t trying to force them into anything? Would they enjoy talking about your varying beliefs together and how they impact your lives? Or would they never ever want you to bring up Christianity (which I imagine for you would be a deal breaker)? .

Be open and honest with one another about what expectations you each have about things like boundaries around discussing faith, about time and space you each want for practicing your faith, etc. As you seem aware, it’s better to get all this clear before you start dating, to avoid problems later down the road! 

For an example of what such discussions might look like, I found this story from Robert Repta, a Christian man married to a Jewish man. Their union, he says, has included working out what it means not only to be gay persons of faith, but also persons of two different faiths:

“Ultimately, what happened was that in our struggles to find ourselves, we ended up growing closer together. We both supported and challenged each other. We began asking each other bigger life questions and talking about religion, God, science. Both of our lives were evolving, and what started to happen was that we started seeing the similarities in our core beliefs more than the differences. Some of those beliefs even evolved along the way.

We both believed in God. We both believed that God is love. We volunteered together. He would occasionally come with me to church, and I would occasionally go with him to the synagogue. Eventually, I could see that the common thread between us was unconditional love. The same unconditional love of God.”

_____________

On pressuring a non-Christian partner to convert -- assumptions about Christian superiority & fearing for their afterlife destination

It’s really good you recognize that it might end up being hard for you not to try to get this person to convert! Before dating them, you should keep reflecting on this and decide whether that’s something you can let go of or not. If it’s not, then you’re probably right in thinking this relationship won’t work out. 

It would be highly disrespectful to this person you care about to pressure them to become a Christian in order for you to feel okay about being with them. (And for more thoughts on how evangelism and conversion as carried out by many Christians isn’t what Jesus had in mind, see this post.) Doing so would imply a lot of things, including that you don’t think they’re a worthy or equal partner unless they make this big change, that whatever beliefs or ideologies they currently hold are inferior to yours, etc.

In order for your interfaith relationship to go well, you would need to come to understand non-Christians as being equally made in God’s image, equally worthy of dignity, equally capable of doing good in the world. You’d have to come to believe that there is much of value within their own religion / ideology that you as a Christian could learn from. 

Let’s bring in our lovely Christian/Jewish couple from before: as his relationship with David developed, Robert discovered that 

“God is not conformed to this world we live in; God does not belong solely to the Pentecostals or the Baptists, to the Jews or Gentiles, to Muslims or Zoroastrians. Two of the most profound self-identifiers God calls himself in the Bible is “love” and “I am.””

Here are a few resources that can help you explore the idea that other religions are as valid as Christianity and also have much wisdom to bring to the world:

I highly recommend you check out the book Holy Envy by Barbara Brown Taylor to help you explore how you can be a devout Christian and learn from and form mutual relationships with persons who are not Christian. You can check out passages from the book in my tag here. .

You might also like my two podcast episodes on interfaith relationships (in general, not romantic ones, but the same material applies) -- episode 30, “No One Owns God: Readying yourself for respectful interfaith encounters” and episode 31, “It's good to have wings, but you have to have roots too": Cultivating your faith while embracing religious pluralism.” You can find links to both episodes as well as their transcripts over on this webpage. .

There might also be some helpful stuff in my #interfaith tag or #other faiths tag if you wander around. .

Simply getting to know whatever religion this friend does belong to (or what ideologies and value systems they maintain if they’re atheist / non-religious) can also be super helpful. Ask them what resources they can think of that can help get to know their religion as they experience it. Attend worship service (virtually works!), seek out folks on social media who share their religion, etc. I bet you’ll find a lot that you have in common -- and hopefully you’ll find some of the differences thought-provoking and enriching to your own understandings of Divinity!

I’m guessing a lot of your worry stems from the assumption that non-Christians don’t go to heaven. If you believe that not being a Christian leads to hell after death, it’s very hard to view non-Christians and their beliefs as equal to your own!

That Holy Envy book discusses this genuine fear many Christians have on behalf of non-Christians, and how to let it go.  .

Here’s a post with links to other posts describing the belief that many faithful and serious Christians hold that non-Christians don’t all get whisked to hell. .

And a post on the harm done by fearmongering about hell. .

Finally, a little more on the academic side but if you’re interested in some history behind Christian views of hell that can help you see that there really is no one “true” belief here, check out the links in this post.

_______

Reinterpreting “unequally yoked”

I said we’d get back to this, and here we are! While the easiest to find interpretation of 2 Corinthians 6:14′s “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers” is that it argues against interfaith marriage, there are other ways to read this text.

I adore this article I found on the passage from a Christian minister who is married to a Hindu monk -- “Unequally Yoked”: How Christians Get Interfaith Marriage Wrong.” Incredibly, Rev. J. Dana Trent writes that when she and her now-husband dug into 2 Corinthians 6:14 to see what it was all about, she found that 

“An ancient scripture meant to deter us from getting involved with each other actually brought us together. Our core beliefs in God became the focus of our study and relationship, not the issues that divided us.”

She also explains that biblical scholars say this verse isn’t even specifically about interfaith marriage -- which becomes clear when you read the full chapter surrounding it! It’s more general -- about the hazards of “working with” an unbeliever.

And what exactly is an unbeliever? Paul and other “believers” of these very early days of Christianity had a different definition than we might today -- an “unbeliever” wasn’t synonymous with “non-Christian,” because Christianity hadn’t even solidified into an actual religion yet! Instead, a nonbeliever was "anyone exposed to but was not faithful to Christ’s teachings—someone not characterized by devotion, love, peace, mercy, and forgiveness.” 

In other words, if a person in those early days was told about the good news of Jesus that entailed things like liberation of the oppressed and love of neighbor, they didn’t have to “become a Christian” to accept that good news. And thus, Rev. Trent continues,

“Today, my husband’s deep Hindu faith has taught me to dig deeper into what Jesus would have me do. Perhaps Paul might have even considered me an “unbeliever,” as I claimed to be a baptized Christian, but my life did not inwardly and outwardly reflect the Gospel. Since marrying Fred, I re-attuned my life to Christian spiritual practices: spending more time in contemplative prayer, practicing non-violence through a vegetarian diet, limiting my consumption, and increasing my service to others.

Much to many Christians’ dismay, it took a person of another faith—a seemingly “unequally yoked” partner, to strengthen my Christian walk.”

Isn’t it beautiful to hear how this relationship between a Christian minister and Hindu monk has born good fruit for both of them? They help one another become the best Christian and best Hindu they can be, respectively. They are both so deeply committed to faith -- that doesn’t sound like an “unequal yoking” to me.

______

Whew, this got long! But it’s a big topic, and one I hope you’ll take the time to explore. Bring God into it; bring your friend into as much as they’re comfortable. And feel free to come back and ask me more questions as you go.

If anyone knows of other articles or other resources that explore the good fruit that can come from an interfaith partnership, please share! 

[mae-gi-writes]

Feux De Joies | Kevin (The Boyz Christmas Series)

La Joie de Noël Series : Feux De Joies [Kevin]

[ Feux De Joies: Bonfire. ]

Stories revolving around the small miracles of Christmas.

-----

Read more of La Joie De Noël Series here:

Sangyeon | Jacob | Younghoon | Hyunjae | Juyeon | Kevin | Changmin (Q) | Chanhee (New) | Ju Haknyeon | Sunwoo | Eric 

-❤-

Y/N and Kevin's relationship had never really been all love and warmth after he'd played a prank on her heart. Losing a bet required him to fake a confession of his love to her and while Y/N's heart had skipped a beat, the said young man had proceeded to giggle in her face before telling her that it was just a prank and, how could he even see her that way anyway? He was totally smitten with another classmate of theirs.

The mixture of embarrassment and shame and taken over Y/N's countenance and since that day, she had regarded Kevin as no more than an insect she wished to squish with her toe. Much to his displeasure, the pair had drifted apart mainly due to the girl pushing him away. Numerous times, he'd wished to ask her what was wrong, why she seemed so cold and distant but he'd never really had the chance.

The irony of the pair being invited to the same end-of-year Christmas bonfire made Y/N want to drop out at the very last minute. But her friends' incessant whining couldn't go unnoticed and she had finally relented with the condition that she wasn't to be left alone that night.

"I promise," her friend had pinky-sworn at Y/N's glare.

"You better mean that."

Despite Y/N's protests, the pair ended up getting a lift from Jacob and much to her surprise, she found the latter much easier to talk to. Maybe it was the lack of school setting that made it easier to detach stereotypes or maybe she was just in a great mood. In any case, by the time they had reached the beach and spotted the group of people crowded around what seemed to be a pile of branches, Y/N's mood had lifted considerably.

They had hung up a string of Christmas lights in the trees that circled the fire, giving the small area an ethereal, magical glow that made it seem like she had just stepped into a Christmas movie. It was just so beautiful, too beautiful to even keep being mad at someone. Plus, everyone was decked in their ugly Christmas sweaters and that alone was enough to turn this into a comedy. 

"Hot choco?" One of their classmates held up two paper cups which they all accepted graciously. Y/N felt warmth spread through her palms and an unintentional smile lifted the corners of her lips.

After all, it couldn't be that bad. Right?

Wrong. A scowl dropped over her features the moment she laid eyes on a familiar face sitting across the bonfire. She looked away.

No, she told herself off adamantly. She was not going to let Kevin, of all people , ruin her mood.

That was what she kept at the back of her mind in a continuous wave of reminders as the sun set over the horizon and bathed the entire scenery in glimmering gold despite the cold spreading through their limbs. The group huddled in as the bonfire was lit, flaring orange and casting a warm glow over their bodies as marshmallows were passed around on sticks.

Y/N wasn't really sure, throughout the countless conversations and the lighthearted socializing, how she still ended up with Kevin sitting at her side. He was chatting idly with Jacob and when the latter spotted her face, sent her a casual wave.

Y/N waved back quite unsurely, hating how her stomach squirmed uncomfortably when Kevin's almond orbs flitted over her face.

"Hey," Kevin said as he plopped a marshmallow onto his stick and passed her the bag. Y/N had no choice but to take it almost reluctantly, "the bonfire's quite something huh?"

"If you say so," she mumbled and focused her attention on fiddling with her marshmallow stick.

"Y/N, I thought you hated sweet things," Jacob's voice chimed in.

"Today's an exception," the said girl stuck her tongue out at him, causing Jacob to chuckle.

Kevin's eyes swept back and forth between the two, "since when do you two know each other?"

"Oh just now. We spoke on the way here," Jacob then nudged the skinny raven-haired man, "why? Jealous?"

"Me?" Kevin spluttered and if Y/N had looked away a second too early, she wouldn't have gotten the satisfaction of noticing the heat lighting up his entire face. And she was pretty certain that was not a result of the bonfire heat.

A nudge on her shoulder brought her attention back to her friend who asked "do you know where the toilets are?"

"Uhm, I don't think there are any toilets...You'll have to go pee in nature or something."

Her friend's horror was written all over her face and though Y/N had insisted on accompanying her, Jacob jumped up at the chance, sending Y/N a wink which suggested that there was much more to friendship in his gentlemanly intentions.

She watched the pair go, a frown shadowing her face as she questioned whether that was a good idea.

Kevin seemed to read her mind, "don't worry. Jacob's a good guy. He won't do anything."

"Makes me wonder why he's friends with you," she shot back without missing a beat. Her eyes quickly flitted to his own Christmas sweater -- a vivid white that had olaf’s face printed on the front, his orange nose jolting out and dangling. 

Why the fuck did he still look that good?

Kevin wasn't hurt though, throwing her a grin instead, "always the charmer, aren't you? It's been a while since we spoke. Why's that?"

"I wasn’t the one busy trying to woo the pants off Seulgi."

"Woah there tiger," he blinked, "where did that come from?"

She twirled her stick through the flames, now glad that the darkness enveloped most of her features, "I thought you liked her. That's the only thing I remember from our past conversations."

"Oh gosh," He chuckled softly while taking a bite of his marshmallow, "well, there's a lot of catching up to do."

Despite her initial desire to stay away from the said young man with the piercing almond eyes and the beautiful raven-coloured hair that made her fingers itch with the desire of running them through his locks, conversation flowed as easily as water and as the night gave way to the moon and stars glittering across the night sky, she found herself falling into that familiar memory of sharing secrets and stories with Kevin, remembered how it felt to have him make her giggle with his lame jokes and with his never ending list of puns. It was as if nothing had changed and she hadn't realized the way her heart summersaulted in her chest with every smile, every chance his eyes met hers, until a hand landed atop her shoulder.

She jolted, gaze fluttering up at her friend who had a knowing look in her eyes, with Jacob was close behind.

"I thought we were supposed to stay together," her friend chided, though there was a mischievous smile on her face.

"I--I was waiting for you!" Y/N stuttered out, "where did you go anyway?"

And that was when she noticed their entwined hands. Everything clicked, fell into place. The girls' eyes met with silent understanding before Kevin cleared his throat.

"Well, I guess we'll leave you two to it," he grinned and before Y/N knew it, his arm was had shot out and was dragging her away from the pair, away from the bonfire into the darkness.

The cold was instantaneous, taking hold of her limbs and freezing them over as soon as it engulfed her figure in its icy grip. She shivered and pulled her jacket close, trying to gather as much heat by tucking her hands into her armpits.

Kevin probably noticed, for his arm gingerly went around her shoulder to pull her close.

She swallowed thickly upon feeling his warmth envelope her side. This was not in the plan! Her subconscious mind screamed, you were supposed to stay away from him because he played your heart like an old guitar that he then tossed away!

It wasn't his fault per se. Y/N knew that much. In fact, she blamed herself the most. For she wouldn't have been so hurt, so offended, if she hadn't had any inkling of romantic feeling towards the said man.

But here she was, falling over for him once again.

That was the thing with Kevin. One could fall for him as easily as breathing.

"Kev? Where are we going?" Y/N blurted out in attempt to hide how uncomfortable she felt. Her hands fisted into her ugly sweater sleeves, hiding her sweat-coated palms.

"Uh, I don't know actually. My only intention was to get away from them," he chuckled, which reverberated through her own body, "seems like Jacob got what he wanted."

"I knew he was after her. It was so obvious," As the pair kept on walking through the dark, Y/N's head lifted to gaze up at the night sky glittering with stars.

Kevin's soon followed, "I remember him telling me to specifically back off when the deed was done."

"Asking a girl out right after she peed in the words doesn't seem that romantic to me though."

"Oh," his nose crinkled, "you're right. It's not. Oh my god, they held hands right after--"

"She didn't even wash her hands."

They looked at each other for a few beats of silence before bursting out laughing, the sound rippling through the dark depths of night as they tried not to topple over each other as they bent to hold their stomachs.

"That--" Kevin heaved to catch his breath, "that is gross."

"Hope Jacob's not germophobic."

They proceeded to grin at each other like naughty schoolchildren sharing sneaky secrets and Y/N swore her heart skipped a beat whenever her dark brown met his obsidian depths. She'd be lying to say that there wasn't the faintest lingering affection in her heart for the said young man, especially when her entire body seemed to follow along to his every move as though he had her trapped in a trance.

It was only when Kevin's grin faltered into an unsure smile as they gazed at each other for a little too long, that Y/N quickly turned her head away, clearing her throat.

"Wanna hear a scary story?” Kevin piped up as they kept on walking, not realizing that they were drifting further and further away from the glowing Christmas lights. 

Y/N looked up at him from her small nestled space he’d created with his shoulder, “we’re celebrating Christmas. Not Halloween.” 

“I promise you that has nothing to do with either of them.” 

“Alright then,” she paused, “shoot.” 

“Well,” his voice dropped to a murmur, which caused a shiver to tingle up her spine, “apparently there was a pregnant woman who was running away from her husband. She came into these woods and gave birth to her baby. But then, something weird happened during the night. Nobody knows what happened to her. But the baby was found a few days later,” he paused for dramatic effect, “weird you know? Considering that it’s a newborn baby that wouldn’t have lived in such circumstances. So he --it was a boy -- he got adopted, grew up to be a fine young man. But that’s not the point.” 

She knew, deep down, that this was only a story to scare her off. But she couldn’t help but ask what happened to the mother.

“Nobody knows where the mother went. But then one night, on that same night she apparently disappeared, a group of friends came camping. Just to have fun. One of them had to go pee at night,” his voice lowered dangerously, captivating Y/N’s ultimate attention, “when she went in the bushes, she felt someone standing behind her. So...she turned, and then--”

Crack!

“Holy shit!” 

That was Kevin, who had literally jumped into her arms without thinking at the weird noise that bustled behind them.

“Kevin!” Y/N cried, before bursting out laughing at how he’d scared himself, “oh my god, you’re such a coward!”

“Wha--That was not in the plan!” He whined, voice muffled against her shoulder. He pulled back with an annoyed face when noticing that there was barely any hint of fear on hers, “why aren’t you scared?” he pokes your sides.

“Because I have more sense than that.”

“You’re so annoying.” 

“At least I’m not a coward.”

He leaned closer, “I’m not a coward.” 

“You’re the one who got scared,” her chin tilted up adamantly. 

“That’s not the point.”

"Then what is?"

"This."

And in a split second, his mouth was on hers.

Hands clasped her jaw as Kevin moved in closer, lips moving softly against hers as if he knew exactly what he was doing. Surprised, Y/N's own lips parted and he took this chance to kiss her a little deeper, teeth sinking down onto her lower lip and making a small gasp fall from her voicebox. Her shaky hands clasped onto his shirt while his twined around her waist, tugging her close so that his warmth enveloped her completely like a wave of dizzy euphoria, sensual waters that Y/N didn't mind getting drowned in.

She had no idea what she was doing, no idea why the heck she wasn't pushing him away like she was supposed to.

It was almost on instinct that her body pressed even closer if that was possible, causing a soft grunt to echo out of Kevin's chest. His hands skimmed over her backside, left a series of sensual heat that left her dizzy with want. And just when Y/N thought she couldn't take anymore, his tongue joined in, turning her into a gasping mess.

She whimpered, that mere sound enough to prompt Kevin's hands to tangle through her hair and tilt her hwad back, lips locking with better access and her legs turning to jelly with each searing touch he imrpinted on her, with each caress of his tongue that rendered her mad with temptation.

Lights suddenly blared through the dark.

The two jumped apart, chests heaving, as they looked up at the christmas lights dangling from the row of trees surrounding them.

"Eric!" Kevin yelled with slight exasperation as a head popped out from behind a tree.

The said young man named Eric smiled at them sheepishly, "sorry, why are you even here?"

"I was trying to confess!" The heat of Kevin's cheeks seemed even brighter red in the glow of the christmas lights and Y/N couldn't help but laugh at how embarrassed he looked. Without a second to waste, Kevin's fingers laced with her own before he tugged her away from the now illuminated tier of blinding lights, ensuring that they were well away from prying eyes before he swivelled around so abruptly she almost bumped into his chest.

"Okay so, that-- that clearly did not go as expected," he started pacing around like an unappeased tiger while his hands fisted through his locks, and if Y/N's own mind wasn't as scrambled with the memory of Kevin's lips tingling across her own, she would've laughed at how comical he looked.

"Look, Y/N," he halted, facing her and grabbing on to her shoulders as his words spilled in a rush, "If you don't like me, just tell me because otherwise I'm gonna kiss you."

He was so close, only holding on to her shoulders and yet her body yearned to melt into him as though his mere existence was made out of desire. When his dark orbs found hers, glimmering with a tenderness, with a genuine warmth that caused air to constrict through her throat, she did nothing but swallow as she decided to play out her fate.

He searched her face for any clues, with an intensity that made her heart practically jump out of her chest. But still, she stayed quiet as she held his gaze with a burst of naked courage.

Then, gentle warm hands came up to cup her face, and just as his mouth brushed hers, he breathed, "I guess you do."

And he kissed her once more, fully claiming her lips as his own just like he claimed her heart. A kiss that the girl gave into as though she had never planned to fight, arms circling his neck to pull him down, closer, chest to chest, mouth parting with a small gasp that he stole just like he did with her heart. 

The moon glimmered, bathing their figures in a silvery light as they slowly lost themselves into each other, leaving the bonfires and the Christmas lights behind. 

-❤- 

Mae’s note: SURPRISE SURPRISE! 

For this Christmas, I’ve decided to write small drabbles involving TBZ because this year has been their year really (Kevin moon stole my heart). I hope you like it! Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist xxx 

More coming soon! Hope you enjoyed this one! 

As usual I just go all out when it comes to Kebin i mean HOW CAN I NOT AFTER THEIR MAMA STAGE RIGHT????? 

Anyway, stay safe and stay healthy everyone ❤

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

I really want to read the post where you say "why Ravenclaw is the House that suits MC the most in the main story" but I dont find it

I haven’t ever made a full length post about it, come to think of it. I’ve talked about it in previous Ask responses but admittedly I have quite a few of those. So I suppose now is as good a time as any! 

Ultimately, HPHM’s story is designed so that any House can work for Jacob’s Sibling. Obviously, no one House is “canon” over the others. But in my personal opinion, certain Houses do make more sense for different reasons. Everything can change based on how you characterize MC, but setting aside the dialogue choices, they tend to have a general personality that fills in for most of the scenes. It’s average, a kind of “everyman” type. And certain choices can arguably be considered “canon” when they’re the ones that are free, placed next to choices that are locked behind attributes or friendship checks. That is the general vision of MC that I’ll be analyzing. 

But first, the characters. 

One of the primary reasons that MC fits Ravenclaw the best in the Main Story is because there are several characters who are aligned to MC in their Sorting. They always follow MC to whatever House they go to. Thus it becomes a question of which house suits them the most. Rowan Khanna, I think, speaks for them-self. I could see them in any House but they are a Ravenclaw through and through. I bet the only reason they ever get Sorted anywhere else is because they ask the Hat to let them follow MC. They are absolutely brilliant, with a love of reading and learning new things. They’re eccentric as well, deeply creative and good at coming up with plans. They dream of being a Professor, and they turn to books above all else. Next we have Jacob. Another character who could go anywhere based on interpretation, but he strikes me as a Ravenclaw too. Several of the options you can give when expressing speculation about him suggest that the reason he probably investigated the Vaults in the first place was his thirst for knowledge, his desire to know their secrets. To be specific, his stubborn and obsessive need to know. I feel like Jacob couldn’t let this go until he had learned all of the hidden magic and secrets of the Vaults, until he realized far too late that he was in over his head, mixed up with R and everything. 

Then there is Flitwick. A canon Ravenclaw of course, and one of the four Heads of House. It could be coincidental, but even if it is, Flitwick is easily the most developed of the Heads of House within this game. McGonagall is totally in character, but she’s part of the sideline outside of a small section of Year 2. Sprout contributes absolutely nothing, and Snape is likewise in character, but lacking anything to do until Rakepick shows up. Flitwick prepares MC for the first duel with Merula and gives them counsel. I suppose it’s not that much more than McGonagall teaching them the revealing spell in Year 2, but this felt so much more personal. You have the chance to make a promise to Flitwick, and either keep it or break it. In Year 4, he is I think the only teacher to speak up in Rakepick’s defense, and this leads into even further development of his character. By Year 5, he starts to warn MC not to investigate the Portrait Curse, but stops mid-sentence as he realizes that nothing he can say will stop them. I bring all of this up because Flitwick being such a fleshed out character in this game kind of goes hand in hand pretty well with the idea that he is MC’s Head of House. He is the only Head who shows the slightest bit of remorse when banning MC from Hogsmeade. With him, you really get the sense that he’s being overruled and doesn’t agree with it. That he’s in MC’s corner. And god I love him.  I won’t stray too far into the Quidditch characters, but I will say that Murphy and Orion are two other characters that stick with MC, who I could very much see as Ravenclaws, both in different ways. But still, it’s Jacob and Rowan who are most important in affecting the story.

Which brings me to the story itself. 

Hogwarts Mystery is different from the story of Harry Potter. This is the tale of Jacob and his Sibling. In HP, we know from the beginning who the villain is, that he’s an evil monster. We know what he wants, and that he failed. It gets fleshed out more later but everything you need to know is in that first book. We see him, he clashes with Harry, and loses. The books are a hero’s journey. A story of good versus evil. They do have mystery aspects, each of the books has a mystery told within it’s pages. But the overarching story is not about what’s hidden in the trapdoor, or who opened the chamber of secrets. It’s about Harry and Voldemort’s rivalry, their hero/villain dynamic. Everyone knew going into DH that Harry would defeat him in the end because that’s how these things go. OOTP basically confirmed it but most fans had known for years. 

HPHM is different. 

There are heroic moments, and Merula in particular compares MC to being a “hero.” But nothing they do is heroic in the same way as Harry. They both take active roles in the story but in different ways. Harry is still reactionary. He takes it upon himself to solve the problems, but he still waits until the problems show up. MC plans to open the Vaults even before the Curses show themselves. They arrive at Hogwarts with a goal in mind, finding Jacob. And with Hogwarts Mystery, the overarching story is not a hero’s journey. Because MC is so much more ambiguous than Harry. It might seem redundant to say that this story is a Mystery, but it is. An ongoing investigation, the unraveling of a conspiracy. Learning the truth about just what went down during Jacob’s years at Hogwarts. By HBP, Voldemort was such a familiar presence that we were learning the ins and outs of his childhood, right down to how his parents met. By Year 6, we still have no idea what R really is, or what they want. We don’t even know what it stands for. The black and white of the books, the heroes and the villains...that’s all replaced with shades of gray. Jacob is constantly in the gray. So is Rakepick, at least at first. Don’t get me started on Merula. Ben is another character who is definitely good, but has gone through such a roller coaster about who he is and whether he can be trusted. 

Then there’s the ambiguity of MC them-self. The hints that they don’t share everything with people, are prone to tricking others, and for all we know, might wind up on the Dark Side someday. I’ll admit, this can also lend itself well to MC being a Slytherin, and indeed there are dialogue choices that are locked behind being one. But I still feel as though MC playing detective throughout this entire game, that whole premise lends itself pretty damn well toward a Ravenclaw MC. They’re trying to defeat the bad guys, but their main method of preparing for that fight is not train up an army of students, it is to investigate the Vaults, and investigate R. Even going as far as to work with Wizarding police. Granted, I know Harry poked around a lot too. And MC does form the Circle of Khanna, just like how Harry formed Dumbledore’s Army. Both of them do exhibit both behaviors, but MC specializes in covert investigation more than preparation for combat. Again, at least they do so in the main story. The Circle of Khanna was not meant to be like Dumbledore’s Army, at least not in concept. MC first conceived it as the idea of standing toe to toe with the Cabal by having a secret organization of their own. I know that didn’t really land perfectly in actual practice but that was the whole idea. And if there’s one thing MC has a constant stream of, it’s ideas. Not always the right ones, not always fast enough, but they do have them, and these ideas steer the plot. In the main story and otherwise. 

It’s probably a bit cheap to get meta, but so be it. 

I can’t help but notice how, if we take every other contribution to the Potterverse into account...well then, we’ve got a Gryffindor Protagonist in the form of Harry. We’ve got a Slytherin Protagonist in the form of Albus Severus. And a Hufflepuff over in Fantastic Beasts with Newt Scamander. If MC is a Ravenclaw, then that completes the quartet. But there’s another Quartet out there as well - that of the Original Four. Rowan, Ben, Penny, and Merula. The Year 1 characters and the OG leads of the Hogwarts Mystery story. Notice anything about them? We have a Hufflepuff, a Gryffindor, and a Slytherin...but no Ravenclaw. None that is, unless MC, and therefore Rowan by extension, is a Ravenclaw. MC being Sorted into the House of Eagles completes both of these groups. I dunno, I just find it curious that unless the Player goes to Ravenclaw, the first student character we meet in that House shows up in Year 3. Because Jam City wrote in some amazing characters for Ravenclaw. My love of Tulip Karasu is well documented, but I also think Talbott is pretty damn fascinating. Andre and Badeea rock too! Ravenclaw is also a relatively neutral House. I’ve said before that HPHM ignores the House rivalries, and that’s easiest to incorporate in the House of Eagles, which mostly keeps to itself. It would not be socially strange for a Ravenclaw to have so many friends from different Houses. I’m not saying a Slytherin MC couldn’t befriend Ben, for example, but he’s a Muggle-born Gryffindor and that would be a big deal to everyone else. Again, not saying it couldn’t happen, just that it would turn heads and people within Slytherin might go as far as to treat MC like a traitor. I like this premise, but...would Felix seriously help MC prepare to fight Merula, a fellow Slytherin, on behalf of someone like Ben? There are other trivial problems, like the question of two male Prefects if MC is Gryffindor, etc. 

But that’s just a few thoughts. Again, there’s clearly no “canon” House, and neither of my MCs are even in Ravenclaw. But I think it’s fun to explore the idea as Ravenclaw is a House that, I think, is sorely needing development.

[deafwestnewsies]

be my first last kiss

You can plan on a change in the weather or time, but you'd never planned on him changing his mind.

jack kelly x davey jacobs

read it on my ao3!

Earnest to goodness, Jack Kelly was going to murder Racetrack Higgins.

No, Anthony Higgins, this was the sort of thing that makes you pull out the tarnished christian name of a friend (or so you thought) you’ve known since he was toppling over on baby-fattened legs. Anthony Higgins would die by the sword of Jack Kelly.

He just had to get this godforsaken Youtube video filmed first.

You’re doing this for the cash, Jack grumbled to himself as he passed through the metal doors of a nondescript building on the Lower East Side- it was the kind of place being slowly taken over by hip and fun corporations promising Asian-fusion bars and eco-friendly thrift stores while edging out the relic businesses built on the backs of immigrant dreams. Jack couldn’t stand areas like this, the air thick with wasted luxury, so he rarely left the barrio. Why would he? Spot Conlon slept in the bedroom next to his. Katherine Plumber and Sarah Jacobs ran the bookstore that bought his baked goods and sold them for decent money. Medda lived down the street with her plethora of children, and Racetrack still beat the known path, doing tricks on the street corner for spare change and internet views. Davey- David. David Jacobs wasn’t there. It was right where Jack wanted to be.

Much unlike the dim studio where he now shuffled his feet, waiting for the perky young PA with bright red streaks in her hair to come back with further information about the video he would be shooting. Jack wasn’t a stranger to this small production company; He participated in a few Youtube videos back before they had millions of subscribers, he played truth or dare with lots of liquor and a complete stranger, he confessed about the first time he fell in love so it could be put to pathetic music.

Cash where you could get it, right?

“Kelly, right?” Cherry Streaks was back with a vengeance.

“Jack, actually,” he corrected.

“So you’re going to stand over there where the little blue X marks the spot and wait until the producer, Adam, starts asking you a few questions. The first one might be a test for our boom guy. Answer honestly, we can pretty much tell when you’re making up a story by this point. After that, the main part of the video will begin. Got it?” She was pointing wildly with a Number 2 pencil that had previously been stuck through her ponytail, and she smelled faintly of jasmine. Jack felt dizzy.

“Wait, I thought this was one of those ‘Choose who’s the best kisser out of ten strangers’ type of deal?” I mean, that’s what Race told me- oh God. Oh Santa Maria. Oh Saint Francis.

The young woman smiled like she was keeping an excellent secret. “Have fun, Jack Kelly.”

Walking off at her ominous dismissal, Jack stood where he was directed. The fluorescent lighting made him sweat under the knowledge that he had virtually no idea what he was doing there, Race had lied to him so that he would participate in some sort of sick, horrible scheme, and for all he knew, behind door number three could be his third grade teacher with a baseball bat and a basic multiplication grudge.

“Jack! It’s nice to see you again.”

Romeo was walking towards him with that easy gait Jack had memorized so long ago- Romeo had shot the original videos on an Amazon tripod and the unfounded hope of human connection, and now he owned the entire shebang. Jack dropped his tense shoulders to give him a warm smile. “Romeo. Boy, am I glad to see a friendly face.” Jack lowered his voice to a stage whisper. “You’ve got a production assistant who actually does work, so I’m assuming we’ve died and you earned a really nice deal in Heaven?”

Romeo barked out a laugh. “If I’ve died, do not resuscitate. I’ll never be able to look at another bodega meatball sub after cooking food bought in a real grocery store.”

“Rub it in, why don’tcha?” Jack punched the shorter man on the shoulder. “Listen, Romeo, you gotta tell me what I’m in for, a buddy totally sold me out for the cash and I have no clue what this project is gonna be like.”

Before Romeo could respond, a tall, lofty man behind the camera cleared his throat. “Darling? We’re ready to begin when you are.”

“Jack, meet Specs. Or Adam, but we all know how well nicknames stick. Specs, this is the old friend I was telling you about.” Romeo ended right above Specs’ elbow, and it was all Jack could do not to laugh.

The man fixed his thoughtful gaze on him. “It’s nice to meet you, Jack. You’ve got a real presence on the camera. Have you ever considered acting?”

“I’m afraid I’m, uh,” Jack flexed a paint-stained hand. ��Strictly canvas, as they say.”

Nodding as if that was a phrase people commonly used and not something Jack invented on the fly, Specs then clapped his hands together. “Folks, let’s film this sonofabitch.”

---

“I’m Jack, and I’m a twenty-four year old artist living in New York City.”

“Have you ever been in a relationship?” Specs questioned from behind the camera.

Jack blinked in surprise. “Sure. One throughout high school, another in college and a little bit beyond. I wouldn’t call myself a heartbreaker or anything.”

“Do you stay friends with your exes?”

“One of ‘em, yea. It was more of an amicable thing, you know. She ended up being a lesbian. And I am… not.” His clumsy fingers tugged at a constricting collar.

“And the other?”

“Just because I’m not a heartbreaker doesn’t mean I can’t be a real asshole sometimes,” Jack nervously chuckled. (Davey had laid out rose petals, for God’s sake. Rose petals.)

“Was this girl the high school girlfriend, or the college one?”

“Boy,” Jack quickly corrected. “Man. I guess. He was in college- four and a half years.” (It took him four days to clear away the rotting flowers, the bleeding color slowly seeping into his carpet. Katherine found him delirious with whiskey on the bathroom floor; Sarah couldn’t bear to walk through his front door.)

“How’d you meet him?”

(He twisted in his high-backed blue chair. “It’s habláis in el presente.”) “Freshman year of high school actually. Spanish class. Funny story, actually, that other girl I dated? His sister. Broke her heart for his. He was so mad at me that we didn’t talk for like, months after.”

“It was six and a half months, actually.”

Of things Jack was expecting to see today, Spiderman was more likely than David. A flash mob singing death metal, maybe. Pigs flying through the polluted air.

“I was told to come in. I now see why.” David’s eyes narrowed behind his thin wire frames, different from the heavy Ray-Bans that he had dedicated himself to sophomore year of high school. Jack hated that he looked older, wiser, and all around… better.

Specs cleared his throat before the bewildered set of men (one more angry than the other, both desperately avoiding eye contact) could demand what sort of sick joke this was. “Can you introduce yourself?”

They broke up on a Tuesday, an insignificant, momentary Tuesday. Fourteen months ago. (Yes, fourteen months, like their terrible split was a baby that Jack was nurturing bit by bit. He refused to round down- fourteen months ago, he left David Jacobs.) So when David ran his thumb across his jawline, a nervous tick older than his younger brother, Jack couldn’t fathom why he felt so relieved. Some things never did change. “David. Jacobs.” David’s jaw flexed as he looked into the camera. “I dated Jack for almost five years.”

“Tell us about your other relationships.”

“Unfortunately, I spent the better part of high school and college pining after a total cocksock. Not a whole lot of time for casual dating in between.”

A deep silence permeated the studio as two boom mic operators swapped awkward glances. Jack didn’t attempt to defend himself- he was sort of a cocksock. David Jacobs had asked him to uproot what little life he had in New York and move to Santa Fe for a prestigious, so-accolated-you-could-cry medical school, and Jack Kelly broke up with him over containers of kung pao chicken and scattered rose petals. He was a cocksock, a dickhead, and complete asshole. An ex-boyfriend of mass proportions.

“Okay, so.” Specs was wiping at his glasses with the tail of his shirt. Jack wanted to snap them in half. “Today’s video is entitled ‘Exes kiss for the first time since their breakup’. If you need more explanation…”

“I think we’ve got it.” David snapped, clenching his fists rapidly.

Jack stepped half an inch closer to David and began murmuring under his breath. “Davey, if you don’t want-”

“Don’t call me Davey.” His eyes were alight with flame- Jack’s chest caught fire.

Of all the things that felt domestic when dating Davey Jacobs, kissing him never managed to become routine. Davey kissed like he earnestly meant it. The gears in his brilliant mind would grind to a halt so he could dedicate himself to the lilting curve of Jack’s mouth, a gentle sweep of warmth when the artist’s mouth was otherwise preoccupied with his needless words, and the world would spin on a delicate axis. (Jack’s shoulders rose to meet Davey, the physical ache of being someone’s other half drawing him forward. Davey had avoided him for so long, Jack living on a diet of lingering stares and a brief touch of the hand, that kissing him felt like a dying man knelt at a replenished well. How did they exist for so long without this innate knowledge of the universe? Could he stand to go on a single second longer without the praise of Davey Jacob’s lips?) Of all the things Jack missed about spending his life with Davey Jacobs, kissing him was certainly one of them.

There was a moment where the pads of Jack’s fingertips brushed the nape of David’s neck, a habit borne from the small noise it would draw from the back of his throat, and the steely corporate floor felt more like the worn carpet in the old thirty-second street apartment. Jack could feel his thready pulse with the gentle press of a thumb.

Davey was a fan of the dramatics- he would pull away from a passionate kiss in the middle of a busy New York street to stare into Jack’s eyes, foreheads gently touching and cheeks furiously blushing. Now, he simply drew back. Took a step away. Swiped at his lips with the back of his hand.

Jack felt like he was falling. (“If you ever break up with me,” Jack began. He laughed at Davey’s unexpected shudder, the honest and visceral kind. “Make it quick.”

“What about when you break up with me?” Davey peered over his glasses.

Crinkling his nose, Jack quickly answered before the other boy could detail any breakup preferences. “I’m not an idiot, Dave. ‘M not going anywhere.”)

---

He stared at the limp fifty dollars in his hand. Romeo had apologized, explaining that the people who had organized this got half the cut, and handed them both an envelope- Jack, one with “Tony Higgins” that he planned to run through his shredder, and David, one with “Sarah Jacobs,” which made Jack gawk in disbelief.

Jack didn’t want to walk away; David’s feet were shuffling against the worn pavement.

“It’s funny,” David started. “I listened to a lot of Taylor Swift to get over you.”

He winced. “Sorry?”

“Please. I know she’s been your top artist since 2013.”

(Katherine walked through a worryingly unlocked apartment door. “Is that... Begin Again? Jack, what the fuck are you doing?” She had seconds to worry about the cluster of wilted flower petals her heel had put a hole through before Sarah pointed at the pair of legs sticking out of the bathroom’s entrance.) “Yeah, okay. Fair. But… funny? Did I miss a joke?”

David closed his eyes to roll them, as he so often did when he was trying to be polite, and it hurt to be on the receiving end. “We just had our last kiss. You know, like-”

“I’m Joe Jonas?” Jack interrupted, bewildered. The semi-glare he received in return was all he needed to know- “Right. Dickhead. Listen, Dave- David, why didn’t you tell me you were back in town?”

There was a brief moment where something unrecognizable flashed over David’s face- pity? Regret? Dejection? It was quickly replaced by a soft smile tugging at the edge of his lips, his eyes glazed over with a practiced professionalism. “I’ll see you around, Jack. Have a good day.”

David turned and walked down the street, and Jack just missed the passing moment he chose to look back.

---

Comment on EXES KISS FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE THEIR BREAKUP by IncredibleKinsey: those two dudes are all mad and then just make out like that????? yeah okay call me when the wedding happens