pyxxiestyxx

[pyxxiestyxx]

She Wants You by Lagnia

Released: October 2024; Complete

46k words

Notable tags: Spiderfini, compact future

In 2557 about 99.999999% of terrans were brought under the fold of the compact and everything's become pretty great ever since. The year is now 2612. When Abel, a curious terran from a well off asteroid colony gains a new special interest about the history of how it all happened, she goes to investigate her father's home-planet looking for answers. Turns out knowledge comes at a price, even within the compact.

In musical terms, an etude is a piece that exists primarily to drill or train a certain musical technique. Anyone who's played piano probably has their complaints about Czerny's, but a lot of etudes manage to be beautiful or outright iconic. Speaking of which, She Wants You!

Lagnia wrote "She Wants You" to practice writing descriptive prose, and it shows in all the most lovely ways. A picture may be worth a thousand words, but there are so many beautiful pictures painted with words in this story. Pictures of things that couldn't possibly exist, even.

The subject matter is very well-chosen for that purpose. We find ourselves half a century after the domestication of the terran accord, with a terran who harbors an innocent curiosity and wants to know how the domestication campaign went. Who almost immediately gets clocked as a seed by a curious affini. The world is beautifully alien in ways many other stories aren't, and features some exploration of the effects cultural Domestication might have on a society. It's a brave new world, and watching country bumpkin Abel pinball her way through a major city designed primarily for affini and their florets is a true joy. The story manages to paint a thoroughly reasonable picture of someone picking up feralist ideas even so long after the fall of the accord, which is also not easy.

The ways She Wants You plays with the non/dub-con elements of the setting is great. After all, if the compact has been in charge your whole life, why would you have any compunctions about an affini just... claiming you? Everyone knows florets are incredibly happy. It's an honor to be claimed, really. Even if, for some reason, you don't really want it. The affini might seem a little scary, but they definitely have your best interests at heart.

It's also incredibly hot. Miss Vatia is not subtle about what she wants, and not subtle about how quickly she can tell that Abel wants it too. There are plenty of scenes in this story that I am unbelievably normal about, from the core-thread silk to the enclosement to the oviposition... It's really fun, creative, hot stuff.

Now, if you've seen this fic in the past, you may remember there being some issues with grammar and dialogue tags. If that dissuaded you in the past, I have good news: there's a new, edited version that just dropped, and also, Lagnia has started working on a 9th chapter, so... we've got that to look forward to.

Also, while I personally have not yet read Pride of Her Garden, I have heard from many of my correspondents that it's incredible, and it's absolutely on my reading list, which is roughly as swollen as Abel's belly by the end of the story.

[pyxxiestyxx]

My dear Petal

My dear Petal,

When I met you, you were full of anger and fright eyes made of brimstone, heart forged in fire your hatred so visible, your anger oh, so bright.

You were scared, I always knew. You were scared, you did not realize. But how could you not feel like that?  In an instant, I shattered your worldview view. And to my surprise, you shattered mine.

When our forces collided, you discovered to your dismay our strengths were just no match. The weapons you fired carried hatred. Ours? They were not made like that. Still, you kept on fighting and I will not be the one to judge. I'm sure you had your reasons I'm just sad it came to that. Just wish you could had realized sooner, you just never stood a chance.

I'm sad it took you a little while to realize that this was a battle you shouldn't have fought there is no day I forget to wish to the stars that you had given up a little more fast. Not because of me of course, petal, I have all the time in the world and even a little more than that, I can be as patient as you want, but my dear... I saw your pain... All that time... It breaks my heart. I wish you weren't that stubborn, but I suppose if you were not, you just wouldn't be who you are.

I sometimes cry thinking about it you are not alone, not ever, not in that. Senseless conflict filled with pain and hurt, I wish it had never come to that. I hope it never again comes to that. Wish we could have come to a peaceful understanding sooner, wish we could have walked together under the stars sooner, to have with you even more time.

Then one beautiful day you finally surrendered, you gave up, you submitted to us, submitted to me. And I couldn't be more proud. you trusted me with your life from all the flowers of the universe I was blessed with you to be by my side. You were very brave, no one can take away that  not even you, no matter how much you tried

And you tried and tried then you hated yourself, you hated yourself so much. You called yourself worthless, and I took offense to that. You called yourself weak and a disappointment... Oh my dear, were you blind? You neither are nor were anything like that. You are worth a thousand world, stronger than a million stars, and is my objetive to remind you this reality every day when you wake up

You are brave, my petal braver than even I am, because in the end it is a hundred times easier to be trusted than to trust.

And that's why I'm happy today to finally be able to call you, Serena, First Floret.

With all my love, Camellia, 1st bloom. Hope I can bring as many smiles to your face as you bring to mine. 

[pyxxiestyxx]

A helpful resource for if someone asks you, "The fuck is HDG?"

[pyxxiestyxx]

Denial

you were helpless before me. That was normal, good, safe. I had made sure of that, of course. Weeks and weeks of careful conditioning, of training your precious mind to associate the feeling of rope and vine and cuff and chain with comfort, with care, with love.

By the time we had finished, you didn't feel right unless a part of you was restrained.

Fortunately, the new collar around your neck care of that. Watching the emotions drip across your face as you realized you were Mine for eternity was ecstasy.

The next part was harder, of course; a far more delicate process, and one best done with a thousand small steps instead of ten large leaps.

So we started off easily, didn't we? I helped you understand the importance of control, of My vines puppeting, crawling over skin, wreathing you in passion and protection and pretty pink permission.

And you learned how good it felt to have a release when I allowed you that permission, didn't you? My, but the way your lips trembled as you got to hear those words you craved...and the way your eyes widened as the shock of pleasure tore through you like lightning.

"Cum for me, little floret of Mine."

you had your first edge...let's see now...about two weeks in, if I remember properly. And oh, the way you whimpered and whined~ Honestly, it was is if Mommy had removed a limb, rather than simply making you wait a minute longer to have your Reward. you clung so closely to me for hours afterward, needing the reassurance. And of course I held you tightly. Of course I kept you safe.

And then it was two minutes next time.

Then three.

Oh, you began to suspect something was up, of course...but I reassured you, told you everything you needed to hear. I knew you would like this, in the end. My florets always do.

They learn how good it feels to be limited. To be told

No~

And then...mmmmmm....

your first true denial.

That one was special, wasn't it?

you had been such a Good Toy for me, had edged over and over...and when you saw Mommy hold up that pretty little chastity cage?

Oh...the tears you gave me...my sweet little one, I cherish them, even to this day. They gave me life.

Oh, I do mean that literally. Your tears have been modified to include certain nutrients that are good for Mommy. You literally feed me~! That's why you're Mommy's special little fertilizer~

But at the time? Oh...you sobbed and you shook, you wailed and you wept...and yet when I explained to you how it makes Mommy's injector petals drip when you suffer? How you would be making Mommy so proud? How Good things come to those who wait?

I felt you break in my vines, just a bit further. Because you realized something.

That it didn't matter what you wanted.

That this was for me.

This was what Mommy needed.

And so this was what her little one needed as well.

So you were so brave for Mommy, and you stayed nice and Still while she pressed that cold ice to you, and you didn't make more than a few whimpers as you heard that lock

Go

*Click*

And you haven't regretted it for a single day since, have you~?

Of course not~

[pyxxiestyxx]

Independent Establishment by Lagnia

Released: May 2025

40k words, 7 chapters, ongoing

Notable tags: people please, comptop, holy fucking shit

May Morrison is the proud capable owner of an Independent Establishment called The Crossroads, living the dream under the Affini Compact, hoping against hope that she can sway the opinion of her independent neighbors to fall gracefully under its folds. But what happens when a happy independent who has everything shes ever wanted has it torn away from her by the system she trusts for no fault of her own, and instead she's shown everything she's ever needed?

You may have guessed that the sophont running this blog is a trans woman. you may have also guessed that, like many trans women, she has suffered from some very extreme comptop.

Folks, chapter 7 of Independent Establishment spent several paragraphs ripping that shit to shreds and setting it on fire. May is an incredible protagonist, strong-willed, dominant, generally has her shit together, and I see so much of myself in her. Mullberry is an incredible affini that lands firmly on the "eldritch" side of things. Their double-act is kind of incredible. Like, look at this!

That's fan art that Garbagewitchy made for the chapter, and dear god does it do the writing justice. Lagnia has this habit of writing absolutely incredible hungry affini - Perilla from Pride of Her Garden, Miss Vatia from She Wants You, and now Mullberry from Independent Establishment. She just captures that aspect, that barely restrained hunger, so well. It's incredible.

Chapter 3 blew me away, chapter 7 blew me away, and it's truly rare to see a story so casually approach Class-Js, class-Ls, and even class-O drugs, and...

...hey. What's that endnote in Chapter 7?

Hey Lagnia. What do you mean by "About to"? Lagnia?

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN LAGNIA

...So yeah, needless to say, read this shit. Read it yesterday.

[pyxxiestyxx]

It is hard to moan and run at the same time.

That is the key lesson that I hope to impart upon you today little one.

Yes, I know, you’re such a big strong soldier with a scary scowl who’s never once thought about sitting still and letting Miss dress you in something beautiful.

Yes, I know, you had lofty goals and elaborate plans with a rebellion that you were so desperate to see through. There is an obvious word in your language to describe this moment.

Anger.

“This is wrong!” You cry out, “I don’t want to be a pet. I want freedom. This is wrong.”

It makes my injectors start to dribble just hearing you. Because I know a fundamental truth about an adorable thing like you.

It is hard to moan and run at the same time.

My tendril moves across the space so effortlessly it makes you wonder if I deliberately let you go. I take great joy in selecting a spot where the skin looks softest and neediest to plunge into. It’s a feeling you’ll come to crave soon. The lazy drag of the thorn, the perfect choice, the heat of it under your flesh, the way it makes everything you touch feel so incredible. The dusting of pollen on the pinprick.

Perhaps I did let you go, because every moment that you spend hoisted off the ground and wrapped in my vines as I take you back to the bed seems to erode your fight more.

Angry tears and writhing limbs fighting against indescribable pleasure in a war of cognitive dissonance.

The fact that I have made you love the way I feel only makes you hate me more. For now. You are in the early stages.

Denial.

This is a particularly cute place for you to find yourself. I adore denial. Gasping, shouting through a vibrating tone. You continue with your old shtick for as long as possible as I effortlessly grip your wrists and ankles. I press your body into the soft material of the most comfortable bed you have ever felt.

I coo, and administer light petting to you, the animal in front of me. It comforts you on a primal level. Still you shout about your escape plans, how you want to kill me, what a monster I am.

Bargaining.

You finally admit that I’ve done something to you, but you refuse to identify the exact sensation you are experiencing.

You know what it is. I know what it is. Yet, we pretend. I believe Terrans refer to this as flirting. I ask you what’s wrong petal, and you spit in my face. You say that I know exactly what I’ve done, and yet you still refuse to use the exact word as I start to pull at the seams of your standard issue jumpsuit. Little pulls at thread that match the way I’m tugging at your resilience. With every opening I slide another vine deeper, running across your arms, your thighs. You whimper as I finally shatter the illusion you have constructed.

Docility.

You realize now the inescapable reality of your bliss, but you are not ready to appreciate it yet. All at once your limbs go slack as the fight leaves you. The cortisol drains and drops out, quickly replaced by the endorphins and euphoriants I have ensured are reaching optimal levels. It is my preference to work through this stage as efficiently as possible.

The pet inside you is winning. She needs encouragement to properly take root. I finish removing your clothes and maximize the surface area available for my molestation. Ropes of my body bind you tighter, hold you closer.

Vines that live the closest to my core with fibrous textures tease at your skin. Oh, how you’ll crave them in time as their rougher material becomes associated in your mind at a neurochemical level with the addling and addictive comfort of my most intimate cuddles.

I run a grafted feeler across your scalp in a massage that makes you drool and gasp. Your dilated eyes roll back into your skull as I hum as warm and loving song into your grey matter.

Smaller tendrils run between your toes, across your neck, into the folds of your eyes and nose. They brush your lips and they part so easily, but I do not enter. This is still the beginning of our courtship and I wish the explore the moist cavity of your throat at a later time when it can be fully appreciated.

You leak from every place a pet can leak.

I produce a flower bud and rock it lazily back and forth in front of your bleary eyes.

You watch as the soft petals of the bulb retract, revealing the dripping thorn within.

You break into a million little pieces as the pet within you wins the battle.

My sweet little thing begs for more.

How can I possibly resist.

[pyxxiestyxx]

Thoughts of an Affini, Upon Seeing You for the First Time

I want to see what you look like when My concoction of xenodrugged air floods your sinuses.

I want to hear you piss yourself when I finally find you, when I wrap My vines around your throat. You'll scream and you'll yell, but in the end you will slump into my chest, your first submission to Me.

I want to watch as you wake up for the first time in your new Home...well. It isn't 'yours', not in the way it is Mine. But it is yours in the way that my attention and care is yours, and you will grow to love it here.

I want to hold your fragile little limb as you are drugged for your implant. Your little mewls of protest will be lovingly noted, but it will happen regardless. The last thing your eyes will meet before sleep overtakes them is my own gaze, centering you and loving you and controlling you.

I want to know the feeling of your scent being slowly shifted to the side

As my implant

Sets into you fully. As it grows and bonds and becomes.

I want to know what face you'll make when I tell you, "That was it. There it went~ The last time you will ever feel fear. We removed it from you.

I removed it from you.

I simulated that fear response just now with a tiny capsule of- oh, but it doesn't matter. What matters is...that was it. You can't, physically, chemically, feel fear, ever again."

I want to feel your trust in Me at that moment. That feeling of certainty that comes from a floret who knows they will age with plenty of adorable little laugh lines, who knows they cannot be hurt any longer, who knows they can be anything I want them to be, that I know best. And it isn't a trick, darling.

I do know best. And you will understand soon.

Because late at night, while I hold your limp and unconscious body, while I gently and tenderly stroke your head, while I whisper words into your dreams, I want to feel you change for Me. To wake up the next day just a bit more at peace. And it will take less time than you think.

There will be a day soon that you wake up and don't even worry, don't even think. You will just relax into my care, as a Good floret should.

Ah...but before I get ahead of Myself, I suppose I board this little thing your Captain calls a warship, shouldn't I? But don't you worry, My darling.

I will make sure all of My wants come true~

[pyxxiestyxx]

Sweet Tooth chapter 7

It's baaack! in this installment of this temptingly hedonistically sweet story by myself and @pyxxiestyxx, Kandi wakes up in her home in Celebration Villiage, North Americana, Earth, then learns about Ohio and special forever candies while dealing with a funny crick in her neck!

[pyxxiestyxx]

[pyxxiestyxx]

How to Find a Traitor

Hi! This was inspired by This Hypnotic Audio by VerityLey, which is insanely hot....but also, yknow, CW for this being based on a very real hypnosis file that can give you very real hypnotic triggers (and while I don't think this story would do that on its own...safety first and all that). So y'know, just keep that in mind, I suppose ;p

. . . . .

Who was it?

The Captain of the C.N.S. Byzantium was known as a cruel, harsh man.  Many were the days he had spent chasing down defectors, and many were the names of those who had... disappeared, once he had inevitably sniffed them out as plantfuckers.  

Couldn't be someone from Engineering...unless that's exactly what they wanted him to think.

Even though he had only served for a single year as Captain, the turnover rate aboard his ship was almost three times the amount of any other of its class.  This despite the latter half of his year spent with his ship in drydock, slowly receiving repairs while the battle against the Weeds raged onward.  

He winced as he remembered the close call that had completely knocked out his engines and eventually sent them limping into the nearest safe haven.  How nearly half of his crew had been taken by the damnable affini...and the angry chewing out he had received from his superiors within the New Terran Militia (or whatever it was they were calling themselves these days; it seemed to change every month).  

Was that their plan?  Get him kicked out of leadership, make him slow and dull?  An empty-headed idiot, unable to think? Not him. Never him.

The Captain scowled at his hands, at the thickened band of skin caused from years of running his fingernails over the backs of his thumbs.  His thoughts sometimes felt muddled, messy. The lines drawn between the web of relationships hard to keep track of. Even if it didn't make sense to him, he was still in control.  

He just needed to find this most recent traitor, and then he would finally be able to sleep right.  He knew they were in his crew...somewhere.  He could feel it in his gut. Outbound communications had been rising steadily, and his newest Comms Officer (the previous one had, of course, been a traitor as well) had quietly notified him of that fact.

A knock at the door drew him from his thoughts.  A pause, and then the door opened to reveal something that finally brought the ghost of a smile to his lips: two of his most trusted Officers, and an Ensign they were practically dragging in behind them.  The lad was barely out of Naval Academy, boots still muddy from spending so much time on-planet.  The recruit's eyes danced across the room, unable to settle. Pumped full of adrenaline, as sure a mark of a traitor as he had ever seen. The innocent had nothing to hide.

How could such a fresh-faced recruit have found himself in this position? How long ago had the worms buried into his mind?

The Officers set their prisoner down roughly in the only chair in the room for guests, then took their leave.  The door creaked shut, locking itself automatically. Only he had the key. The Captain preferred to handle these sorts of things by himself; the guilt of an innocent loss would weigh on him, and him alone.

Fortunate for him, then, that he had yet to make a mistake.

The Ensign stirred, face pale with fear as he realized just how screwed he was.  The Captain waited while he continued to look around; they always spoke first, eventually.  It was just a waiting game. This time, he waited three minutes.

"I...um, Good Afternoon, sir?"

The Captain slowly blinked as the recruit nervously stammered, unimpressed.  He sounded nervous, shaken- clearly not cut out for the life of a rebel.  No doubt the Affini Compact had offered him a whole bevy of comforts to get him on their side. Two square meals, warm showers for a full minute and a half, the kind of stuff he hadn't gotten in years.

What a fool to accept them.

The traitor bit his lip, then snapped a salute as he spoke again.  "I'm... I'm here to, um, that is...whatever it is Juarez said, it's all a lie, okay?  I'd never betray my brothers and sisters, I swear it!"

A common refrain, an attempt to assuage doubts.  The Captain's stare only tightened, pinning the young man in place while he opened a hidden compartment in the left side of his desk, retrieving a few items and placing one on the table, and keeping the other in his right hand.

The tools of the trade for this kind of thing.

He glanced at the tablet first, scrolling through with one hand until he found the Ensign's information, skimming it quickly.

Ah....of course.

Just as he suspected.  Those in charge had designated Recruit Burkes as a clear potential ally to the Compact after accidentally speaking with a Mx. Drythes, Third Bloom, over a communication device disguised cleverly as a bar's video game; the report made great effort to impress how dangerous it would be to leave someone like Burkes in the rebels for much longer. 

He needed to be...removed.

The Captain pushed down the feeling of guilt in his chest. It was for the best; once the Affini Compact got their vines into you, you were as good as theirs forever. There wasn't any point in trying to bring the recruit back (something he found hard to believe...but those in charge had insisted. Who was he to argue?). Burkes would soon be in a better place, and that was all there was to it.

There was only one thing to do, really.  Even if it didn't make sense to him, the orders were clear.

The Captain levelled the service weapon in his hand, aiming it center-mass at Burkes; he rose to his feet and stepped back and over to the bookshelf in the corner.  He accessed the hidden switch on the underside of the middle shelf, sliding the whole thing over and revealing a darkened passageway.

Almost done...almost done.

The satisfaction of a job well done dangled just out of reach…but no.  Premature celebrations were for others; not the Captain. He knew the hardest part was yet to come; felt it in his gut like vent-critters.

The crewman got to his feet (albeit shakily), eyeing the tablet the Captain held in his other hand.  Burkes chewed on his lip, but upon seeing the iron in the Captain's eyes, decided to comply; the recruit cautiously stepped into the dark passage, the Captain following a few steps behind.  Neither of them spoke; they both knew there was no longer a point.

Soon, it would be over. Soon, the Captain would get a reward.

Why was his heart beating so rapidly?

It wasn't the first time he had done this.  The passage in general was created months ago, serving as a way for the Captain to take care of such business in a discreet manner.  No mess, no worrying about others, just clean and simple and safe.

...Simple...

And yet with each step, the feelings grew and grew. The Captain's eyes darted left and right, searching for...something.  Someone.  But the passage was dark and narrow; they were alone.

The thought of that was...upsetting.

The Captain frowned.  Why?  This is how it had always worked.  Even if it didn't make sense, all that was left to do was bring Burkes to the end (a spot of light rapidly approaching), and then there was…

There was something…that the Captain wasn't supposed to worry about?

It doesn't...it doesn't make sense to...

“Good puppy~” *click click*

The pieces fell into place.  The veil was lifted.  

Oh.

The two Terrans stepped out of the darkness and right into an ambush, vines of soft green and deep blue shooting out and binding them both before they had a chance to blink.  Burke let out a strangled yell of panic, but an injection from her new Mxtress immediately began to calm her right down, based on the noises made soon after.

"There you areeeee, silly little puppy~!"  The vines binding the Capt...the puppygirl squeezed her tightly, drawing excited yips and barks from her like water from a well.  she fell into Mistress's grasp with delight, dropping the tablet Mistress had given her and the squirt-gun (it shot a harmless paralytic) to focus entirely on licking all over her Owner's face.

she was such a Good girl!  she obeyed, and listened, and no one got hurt, and was a Good girl, and everyone was happy!!! she was home she was with Owner and this was her favorite part and Good girls got rewarded!

*click click* went the little circle in Owner's hand, the sound sending shivers of pleasure down her back, causing her eyes to roll and drool to fall. Dumb little puppies like her got Clicker, and it was...sho good...

“Settle down girl, come on now~” puppy’s Owner giggled, brushing her vines through the girl's long hair, which was hidden beneath the cap she usually wore when pretending to be the Old Meanie.  her previous self, the one before Owner had found her on that ship, the one she had ripped from her spirit and soul so lovingly over the months in dry dock.

“Wh…whhhuz goin…on?” The cute rescue, the one-who-used-to-be-Burkes, mumbled through her teeth, having already been stripped and redressed in a flowery flowy slip of a thing. She was already looking so much better, with pupils wide and gaze empty.  

“It's quite simple, little one~ You see, my obedient and precious little girl here, who you may know as the Captain, did what she did best…” Owner smiled down at the puppy, making small coo-ing noises. The puppygirl giggled, writhing as her tummy got rubbies.

*click click* *click click* *click click*

“she fetched what was asked of her.  Such a Good girl, yes you areeeee, yes you areeeee!” Owner began to scritch under puppy’s chin, causing feminine moans and squeals of delight to slip free from her soul.  It was so hard pretending to be a mean nasty angry Captain, which is why Owner did that thing in her head to help!  She didn't really understand how it worked, but that was okay.

How the affini had broken her? Doesn't make sense to puppy!

What was going to happen to the rest of her crew? Doesn't make sense to puppy!

Her Owner's plans for her? Doesn't make sense to puppy!

*click click*

puppy felt the thoughts and questions blissfully slip from her mind, giggling in delight.  Stars, she was such a ditzy little happy pet.  So well trained, so mal…malle…um…so well trained!  Owner tilted her head up to gaze into her eyes, and puppy felt so happy...and a bit sad.

Because this was the Hard Part.

The part that made her whimper. The part where her Owner's eyes pulled her back to the Old Meanie. She felt herself falling, falling to Owner's pretty voice...

“I know, petal. I know. But you get to sleep with me every single night already, don't you? Yes you do, yes you do~ Good puppy.  You're making me sooooo proud, doing this. And very, very soon, we will be ready to get everyone else in one go~”

. . . . .

The Captain woke slowly, peeling his face off of the desk.  He groaned, rubbing his forehead as he glanced around the room.  What had he…?

Oh, right.  He had taken care of the latest traitor, and then he was getting a small nap in.  Something told him that he needed to be extra vigilant for the next while, to find out as many traitors as pawsi...as possible. Those in charge were counting on him.

...It was a little weird that he had been so tired he had collapsed into his chair completely naked and covered in a sheen of sweat, or the smile he was unable to wipe from his face, but that was okay.

And in the corner of his mind, just out of sight...a whisper.

It didn’t have to make sense to puppy.

[pyxxiestyxx]

Hand in Hand

I stand at the threshold of Soli’s hab. In front of me is an impossibility - a whole world of beautiful trees, cobblestone streets, and smiling faces contained within the artificial rings that circle the Menara’s central axis. Behind me is the hab where I’ve spent the two most important weeks of my life.

It feels like it’s been hours. Maybe it has been.

Catching up with my old crewmates should be an easy thing. It hasn’t been long. The pub where we agreed to meet is nearby, and apparently it even serves the weirdass Viburnian pub food most of us got used to before the ships took us and brought us together. And judging from some of those screen names in the group chat, I’m not the only one sporting a shiny new gender.

“Are you alright, Natalie?” Soli asks. “Do you need help?”

Natalie.

I’ve heard people complain that affini are too fond of using pet names to address people. It makes them feel funny. Demeaned. Personally, I can’t relate. Nothing makes my heart flutter like hearing “Natalie” in the angelic voice of Soli Actipsis, 2nd Bloom. It makes me melt every time.

“It’s fine, Miss,” I say. “Just nervous.”

A half truth. A preferred truth, even. The prospect of meeting “The Lads” as I am now is a little intimidating, sure, but deep down, I’m actually scared that each step I want to take will take me further from Soli.

She’s done so much for me. She’s the one who encouraged me to be honest with myself and with her about my gender, after keeping it locked up for so long. She’s the one who calmed me down after waking up with that weird medical implant. The one who medicates me every morning. Who helped me walk again, who helped me eat normal food again, and so on and so on. If Affini believed in debt, then mine is one I could never repay.

Which is why it sucks that I’m down bad for her.

Have been ever since I woke up, and I still don’t know how it happened. All I know is that I heard her serene voice, I saw her gentle, honey-gold eyes, and Limb-Loosening Eros took me.

It’s not fair to her to feel like this, to want even more from someone who’s given me so much. To want to hear her call me Hers. To know what her flower petal lips taste like. To be surrounded by her, in ways only an affini can.

And it’s dangerous to me too. She’s given me an entire life to live, on my own terms, in a way that I could never have imagined even a month ago. And I’m already daydreaming about giving that up.

I see her perfect face on the inside of my eyelids. I hear her voice in the quiet of my mind. I smell the phantom traces of her perfume wherever I am in the hab.

I feel like I’m standing on the edge of a volcano, and the part of me that holds me back from jumping gets weaker every day.

And if even taking a step outside Soli’s hab is fucking me up this bad, I’m really in danger.

“Natalie, you haven’t frozen have you?”

Her voice finds its way inside my chest and coils around my heart.

“N-no, Miss. I’m not sure why, but…” I try to take a step outside. My foot crosses the threshold, then retreats like a bug scuttling back under a rock.

“It’s okay that you’re nervous, little Natalie. Maybe having some moral support would steel your nerves?”

It takes me a few seconds to piece together her meaning. She wants to come with me. To meet my friends.

I turn to look at her. Her two gentle ambers pull my attention.

I almost say yes.

“S-shouldn’t I do this myself? I need to- to get used to being-”

“Nonsense.” She interrupts me. I let her. “Part of being independent is recognizing when you need help, after all. Let me come to the pub with you.”

That seems reasonable.

Soli gets up from her seat to join me. I watch her flowing, goldenrod hair bounce in time with her gait. Her simulated high heel boots click-clack against the floor. Her form is mesmerizing, and the way her “boots” and her Lady Godiva hair contrast with her otherwise seemingly undressed body just makes me feel all the more sinful for it. I tell myself it’s like she’s wearing a catsuit. Somehow, it doesn’t help.

She walks up to me, towering above me, at probably twice my height. I wonder what it would feel like to curl up in her lap.

“Here, my little Natalie. Take my hand. Let’s go together.”

I nearly swoon. My little Natalie.

And then I register the rest of what she said.

The last time I let her touch me was the night I woke up. I was still exhausted, barely recovered from… everything. And I let her bathe me.

I had dreams about it for nights afterward.

She was perfectly respectful and quick about it, a consummate professional. A growing part of me wishes she hadn’t been.

I look up. Soli extends her hand down for me to take.

I shouldn’t.

I think it would end me.

It might actually break me.

My hand rises, in defiance of my will. My fingertips slide against hers. I feel the deceptively soft flesh of her fingertips against the swirling ridges of my own as they slide deeper into her, by inch by ruinous inch. My fresh, red nails disappear over the horizon of my knuckles, eclipsed by hers. The disparity in the size of our hands makes me nearly swoon all over again. It reminds me how small I am. How vulnerable. Soli could do anything she wanted to me, and it’s by the grace of her stellar character that she’s used this power for good. I almost wish she’d use it for evil. I couldn’t stop her. I probably wouldn’t try.

My hand tries to close around her fingers, but she continues her advance down my arm. Not content to merely hold my hand, in a chaste, finger-against-finger position, she swallows my whole hand in hers. She wants to have it, every inch.

I feel my heart race.

She engulfs me in her powerful hand, and she holds it tight. It’s warm. I feel the currents of hot sap coursing beneath the soft surface of her palm. I feel my own heartbeat in the rhythmic expansions of my fingertips against her. She must feel it too. Does she know?

I scrabble around the inside of her hand, desperate to somehow make this gesture symmetrical. To show that I have some agency in this arrangement. I fail, of course. The Affini don’t do symmetrical. She’s taken my hand as presumptuously as she’s taken responsibility for me, and in neither case is anything expected of me. My sentence is to be cared for, and to give nothing in return.

My hand submits to hers, and simply rests within its belly, palm-to-palm. I rub my fingers against her simulated palmar muscle. I can feel the strength in them.

I look at the verdant cocoon surrounding my hand, squeezing it tight.

I feel it squeezing my heart tight, too.

I squeeze my eyes shut.

I’ve clung so hard to my coming independence. I should get to live a life of my choosing, on my own terms. The opportunity is right there for the taking. For the first time in my life, the only thing in my way is me.

Something in me shudders apart.

I let go.

I feel a tear meander down my cheek. My breathing slows.

I look back up at Soli. She returns my gaze with nothing but love, and patience.

I resolve to ask her the Big Question tonight, after dinner. I hope she says “yes.”

“W-we should get going, Miss,” I say.

“Lead the way. My little Natalie,” she says.

[pyxxiestyxx]

Handshake Agreement

It had been days, possibly months since I had last seen another creature face to face. Ever since they set me up with a hab, I didn’t really have a need to head outside y’know? It was so much easier to just compile food and play games on the overnet and just listen to that voice inside that said the outside world was scary and unkind.

It wasn’t true of course, the plants that gave me the hab in the first place were lovely, but I’d seen just enough of them and their weird pets in the first week to know that I wanted no part in it.

Of course that’s exactly how I ended up here.

I had to answer the door when she rang, there was nowhere to hide exactly and what else was I supposed to do, there’s no back entrance to these things.

She was an imposing bundle of leafy green foliage with a sticky sweet smile and a dominating confidence that set my heart pounding. Woven flesh constructed from thin vines that twisted and curled into a shape of maternal power and I instantly knew I was in trouble.

“A pleasure to meet you little one. My name is-”

She raised an eyebrow at my dishevelled appearance and extended an arm, an unraveling of vines from her body that stitched itself together into a forearm and hand. The palm was large enough to grasp my entire head, each finger thick and wide and long.

She looked at me with pooling expectant eyes and I knew what was expected of me. I swallowed my anxiety and reached out, placing my trembling hand into hers.

All at once her finger like appendages wrapped around, gripping onto my hand firmly, and I gasped in surprise as they started to unravel.

“Hey, let go of me! What do you think you’re doing!”

Her polytonal voice echoed through me with a sing song sweetness from beneath her sharp thorn teeth.

“Eyes up here precious, you have nothing to worry about.”

I met her gaze, and felt my heart race slow as I sunk into her pools of shimmering gold, specks of silvery light that swum in an ocean of liquid metal.

“That’s it little one, nice and calm.”

I could feel the tendrils spreading higher, clinging onto my wrist, binding me tighter with each slowing second.

“There is nothing to worry about, I just needed to make sure you were doing okay in there okay cutie?”

It sounded about right, I had heard of wellness checks and maybe that’s what this was? But she wasn’t looking around, she was just standing in front of me and gripping my hand, looking down with those abyssal eyes, all six of them trained on me.

“Uuhuh” I tried to form a sentence, but anything more than the most simple utterance felt impossible.

I could hear a giggling voice, somewhere far beyond and above me, and feel the vibrations of its intonation as they rippled down through my hand.

“Oh petal, I can see that words are hard right now, so how about we just continue with the conversation and if there is anything you disagree with just say no.”

Her hand had practically absorbed mine by this point, hot sticky undulations that enveloped by fingers and massaged the pad of my thumb, and I wanted so badly to look at it, but I couldn’t look away from her beautiful eyes.

“You want me to come in, don’t you?”

I-I that didn’t sound right. I tried to decline the offer, but her hand pulsed with another wave of reassurance and I failed to say the words.

“Good Girl, nice and deep for me. So calm, so relaxed.”

I felt myself sinking lower and lower into her gaze, a thick slurry coating my thoughts in a sweet floral trance.

“You want to be a Good Girl for me.”

There was something not sitting correctly, I didn’t know this plant, I barely tolerated the Affini, why would I want to be good for her? And yet, as the words rolled over me they soaked me in tingling pleasure, the bliss of doing something right and being rewarded for it sending shivers down my spine.

“As I suspected, a good, sweet little doll for me. But remember little doll, if there’s anything you don’t want you can just say no.”

It was strange, a part of me disagreed but when I tried to decline her advances I couldn’t find it in myself to get it out. There were other ideas, new ideas, submissive ideas that were starting to filter in with every dripping touch.

“You want to wear a beautiful little dress covered in my flowers.”

I usually wore hoodies and sweats, when you’re staying in a hab all day there really wasn’t a good reason to wear a pretty dress, but it did sound nice, and her flowers were so pretty.

“Good Girl, you’re going to look so pretty in a beautiful little companion dress! Do you like how that makes you feel? Knowing you’ll be wearing an adorable little outfit that matches me so completely?”

Her eyes flared, a coronal ejection from the sun sucking me in deeper and deeper. I was helpless to resist. I could feel an excitement building in my belly, tingling and sticky and sweet just like her.

“You want to be my floret.”

I felt a voice, tiny and weak screaming out at me to run, to say something, do anything, but I couldn’t listen to it anymore. Not when I knew how good it would feel to keep on going, keep on listening. All I could do was stammer out a weak noise.

“Nnnmm”

Her tendrils were all the way up to my shoulder now, covering me in writhing sparkling pleasure. It was inescapable. Indescribable.

“Good Little Doll. Well then, I suppose it is decided. All that is left is to shake on it.”

She pulled on my arm in a quick and sudden motion, yanking me into her vines-

“DROP”

I fell, physically and mentally, collapsing into her. I was subsumed by darkness, surrounded by warmth as the vines that help my hand erupted to encase me. From far, far away I heard her echoing voice dictate to me.

“So silly, I almost forgot to introduce myself. You can call me Mistress.”

[pyxxiestyxx]

I Want to Hold Your Hand

When you moved into your new Hab, you hadn't expected things to be anything but normal. You minded your own business, you were polite to the florets and their towering plant based owners, and you maintained a robust lifestyle to avoid the risk of Wellness Checks. Life was good!

“Nyaaah! Moooore more please more!”

Maybe not when your neighbors were screaming like that. You had nothing against the affini and her floret, but she also encouraged her floret to be super loud whenever they got like this. You weren't sure what they got up to, it wasn't your business, but to your knowledge you were the only one bugged by it. Normally, you'd just tune it out with loud music or go for a walk, but it wasn't exactly the best day for it. It was a delightful rainy day, perfect for compiling a coffee and a good book, and reading by the window. You didn't want loud music, and certainly didn't want to walk in the rain. 

“Aaahn! Y- Yessssshhhh! Fuuuuuuck!”

Taking a breath, you decided enough was enough. You would be polite but firm! Setting your new book aside, you made your way to the door in your slippers and cozy clothes. The hallway connecting all of the hab units looked like something out of the kind of hotels that cost several million to stay at for a single night. The carpet was so soft and whispery under your slippers as you went to the hab right beside yours. The door was the right size for an affini, so you tapped the doorbell and waited politely. The pleasured wailing of the floret immediately stopped, and you couldn't help but feel just a little worried about why it was so quiet. The door slid open abruptly, startling you out of your thoughts.

The floret, a girlish little thing swayed with a dopey smile. Faer body was covered in different colored dusts and liquids. The floret’s eyes briefly focused on you. “Oh heeeyyyyyaaaah~” A trio of vines were working behind faer, rubbing patterns into faer back with serpentlike motions. “H- Heeeeiiii Hiiiii ne- neighborrr~” Fae was drooling, both from faer mouth and the tiny pink cage poking out of faer bikini. 

You greet the self-identified toy, and start to mention the noise levels. “Oh yeah! Hehe yeeeah~ Mistress just loves making me make all sorts of funny sounds~” You can’t help but let out a sigh of exhaustion as the floret starts to moan again from the vines. 

“We’re so sorry about disturbing you, petal.” The affini is in the door now, towering behind her floret as her vines do… something to faer from behind. “I simply adore playing with my toy, and letting everyone hear fae as I play faer like an instrument is one of my greatest joys. Dear little thing? Please apologize to them for not thinking of their noise preferences.” 

You try to dissuade her, telling her you just wanted to lower the noise level a bit to enjoy your rainy day. Her floret has none of it as fae grabs onto your hand. “I… I’m uh… I’m shuper shorie neighbor… w- wun… wunt happ again…” You freeze, the sensation being… new.

The skin was smooth, contouring against your palm like gel. Faer thumb gently traced the arching profile of yours, adjusting the grip ever so gently. There was an almost kneading sensation as fae flexed faer palm ever so imperceptibly. The handshake dissolved rapidly as fae gave you another dreamy smile, gently running faer fingers onto your palm without separating your hands. Electric currents ran through your palm, every nerve ending lighting up at the delicate feathery touch across your hand. Time felt… stiff as fae maintained contact while slowly maneuvered so your hands were now pressed palm to palm. You couldn’t look away from those half-lidded eyes as fae slid faer hand down. 

A wave of sensation ran down your arm as fae undoubtedly smeared whatever fae were covered in along your hand. And yet… you couldn’t care. Fae ran those velvety fingertips down your palm, shivers permeating and stopping almost sinfully early halfway down your palm. Those fingers slid and you felt faer drag perfectly manicured nails up your palm at an agonizingly slow pace. The ball of faer hand brushed yours ever so gently, the barest bump of an impact against yours. Your fingertips dragged down faer smooth, flawless fingers. Those delicate, soft porcelain digits slowly curved downwards as they passed above your fingertips. The delicate pads pressed down on your nails to pin your hand in place.

“You’re… sorta cute…” Fae giggled at you, faer hand sliding down to lock fingers with you. Their skin was so smooth and gentle on yours, tingling waves of pleasure firing through your synapses as fae traced little spirals between your knuckles. That delicate thumb rubbed small circles on the bridge between your thumb and index while keeping your gaze on faer. A small tug on your wrist, and vines were gently tipping your chin upwards. Smaller vines slowly ensnared your wrist and rubbed more electric tingles into your arms. Flowers traced the barely there veins on your arm as the affini gently led you in.

“Come on in, petal. You can see if we’re being quiet enough for you, alright?” You nod gently as the door closes behind you, the floret never easing faer grip on your hand. That beautiful, perfectly sculpted hand.

[pyxxiestyxx]

H*ndh*lding

I found her hiding deep in the belly of the Radiant Wing, pressed up against a bulkhead and trying not to move a single muscle. She was a slight little thing, as the cycles of malnutrition and overwork has reduced her down to skin and bone. My antennae chirped in distress at the bags under her eyes, at the way her body shook with stress, at the quivering of her lip.

I knelt down low, until I was a mere foot or two higher than her eye level. "Hello, Abigail. Are you hurt?"

She didn't answer me with vocalizations, which was worrying. Was some part of her still attempting to hide? The furry lines above her eyes scrunched together, and she kept her gaze pointedly fixed on the floor a few feet in front of me.

"Abbi- may I call you Abbi?" Her eyes flickered slightly, and she gave the smallest and most hesitant of head movements up and down. I continued, "Abbi, my name is Cherry Berry, Third Bloom, pronouns of She and Her."

The girl's diaphragm twitched spasmodically as she exhaled, a strange and involuntary reaction to my name I've found many Terrans do. It is admittedly very adorable how they are unable to control themselves, similar to how they cannot control their heartbeat.

I kept my body perfectly still as I continued, "Now as you may be aware, my presence here means that this ship has been boarded. As of this moment, all but eight of your fellow crewmates have been sedated, and are being escorted off of this ship, and onto the Illastria. You are to join them. Do you understand?"

The girl shook her head wildly, her ocular organs wide as her heartbeat sharply increased. Many creatures had a fear response, of course; evolution's clumsy attempts at protecting them. I would be much more thorough, once my implant rested within her.

I carefully extended one of the four groupings of vines I had shaped into arms, holding the 'hand' palm-up towards her. Culturally, she would recognize it as an offering.

"Come here, petal. Take my hand."

She need not know the topical xenodrugs I excreted through my vines until later, of course.

The girl pulled her bottom lip into her mouth and nibbled on it as she thought things through. I waited, calmly. She was smart, I knew. Smart enough to have recieved an education at the collegiate level for nearly free, before it was shut down and she was shunted into this accursed coffin of a ship.

Finally...slowly...and ever so shakily, the girl's limb extended out towards mine. I resisted my instinct to close the gap in less than a single of her eye blinks, to slip my injectors under her dermis and make her mine.

That would come later.

Instead, I began to slowly sway my body back and forth. Not enough to be noticeable on its own, but enough that the natural rhythm of my flora to more prominently draw her attention. Like many species, it was difficult for her kind to focus on multiple tasks at once. All I had to do was utilize this trait to my advantage.

Her fingertips touched first, like soft wingbeats of an Al'yssrian upon the surface. They hovered over my own facsimile of her phalanges, and finally came to a rest in the center of my palm, with my own fingertips nestled on her radius and ulna. I allowed myself a full 0.3 seconds to enjoy the feeling of her body. All those complicated systems, each working so inefficiently to maintain that spark called life. The soft tiny hairs on her arm had raised, hundreds of little bumps coating her arm. Another automatic system, most likely. She reacted to me.

...But even so, she was far from ready for me to move, just yet. The sternocleidomastoid muscle was tensed to near-taut, and her ocular organs refused to stay fixed for long. Now that I was touching her directly, I was able to get a much more accurate pulse reading. It was far above resting, and the speed only hastened the effects of the adrenaline coursing through her systems.

I pulled a single vine from the 'back' of my hand, curling it slowly around the side until it hovered over her own. She watched it nervously, and I felt her limb tense in case she needed to pull it back.

"Have you ever seen one of my kind before, Abi?"

The girl paused, then another up-and-down bob of her head.

"...I mean like this. Not on a digital broadcast."

A left-to-right this time. Negative.

"I'm sure you have heard quite a bit about my kind, though. I will say that in turn, I have learned much about you." I was rather disappointed in the meager intelligence gathered for her, a mere twelve Petabytes of shopping habits, familial history, hobbies, disinterests, relationships, and every message sent from a device she has ever so much as looked at. Still, it was enough for me to develop an interest in the Sophont.

The corners of the girl's lips sank down, and the hair strips above her ocular organs scrunched up again. It would be adorable, if it wasn't meant to signal negative emotions.

"The point I am attempting to make is this: that information is useful, but ultimately direct knowledge is the highest priority. As an example..."

The vine dipped down and began to stroke along her metacarpals, a careful pleasing rhythm modeled after my own. The effects, though minor, were immediate: her heart rate shifted down and her eyes locked into the movement, and the scent of her perspiration indicated a reduction in chemicals released from stress. I continued to gently pet her, noting with mild amusement how she used the muscles in her throat she could control to contain any vocalizations. That would have to change, of course. The easiest way would be to remove her ability to notice them via hypnosis, but I enjoyed the way the hue of her face dyed red as she grew more embarassed.

I adopted a softer and quieter tone, causing the girl to lean forward slightly to hear me better. "You see? Nothing to be afraid of, is there? All I offer is comfort and pleasure, petal."

She continued to think while I directed more vines to join the first, carefully running them down and up the length of my grip on her. The topical xenodrugs began to take hold by then, causing her pupils to dilate by thirty...thirty-two percent. I checked my tablet from its place next to my core, and noted that I was one of only three affini left. Still, this could not be rushed.

"Abbi, I am very pleased with you. You are responding wonderfully to me, and I wish to reward you. May I do so?" Needing to ask was ridiculous, of course, but I wasn't quite ready to take...yet. The trap was laid. Now, all that was left was to see if she took the bait. The curiosity. Her kind had to know things. Especially if it is a mysterious 'reward'.

Abbi thought for a full five seconds, then her head bobbed up-and-down.

"Thank you, dear." The vines of my hand wrapped around hers fully while I began to tug, pulling her into the air as I prepared my other arms to cradle her now-prone body. The girl couldn't help but vocalize a squeal, but otherwise she did not struggle. Oh yes, she was absolutely mine in all but name.

I began to drag the clawed tips of my upper right arm across her radius, while the hand holding hers began to massage and squeeze in earnest. Hundreds of different points of contact, varying in intensity, texture, movement.

The girl's nervous system could scarely keep up with the combined input, and I couldn't help but shift the hue of my eyes to a higher frequency as a result. The dazed and unfocused ocular organs...the desperate panting as her chest rose and fell...the way her vocalizations continued to build....

Exquisite.

"Why don't we continue this somewhere more...palatable, little one? I would love to show you my garden."

No response. The drugs had likely reduced her to a mewling mess, and her auditory processing was a consequence. No matter.

I began to walk back towards the Capture vine I came from, continuing to caress and play with her soft skin. "You know, I think you would be much happier with a different name. Specifically, your familial one..."

[pyxxiestyxx]

Lost in Eden by BiSound

Published: October 2021

20k words; complete

Notable tags: trans_egg, isolation, spy, terrorism

A poor depressed Terran, lost in space. The only thing there to save their sanity is a text communicator and affini propaganda. A Human Domestication Guide story

Now in case you weren't aware, Ao3 was not the original home of the HDG collaborative setting. And while ROM (Read Only Mind) isn't where the first story was originally published, it still has a few 'oldie but goodie' HDG stories that haven't been ported over to Ao3 yet. Some of these stories helped inspire plenty of the authors you do read today.

Lost in Eden is one of these stories.

In just eight chapters, the enjoyable protagonist and the affini who finds them manage to capture a feeling of longing and hope that is rooted in many an HDG fic. Unlike most fics, though, this one takes place almost entirely aboard Cosmic Navy (and eventually rebel/feralist) ships.

So, you may ask, how does one develop a compelling relationship when the actual affini aren't even physically present for the majority of the story?

Only one way to find out ;;;)

(besides, if you read such an early fic, you get to brag about it like a hipster later, which is always fun!)

(guest review by @pyxxiestyxx)

[pyxxiestyxx]

Devotion

(cw: hypnotic elements, feralbreaking)

I scowled at the affini, trying again to yank my hands out of the leather and rope bindings. No good; they were firmly attached to the O-ring on the ceiling, a thick line connecting from that down to my outstretched wrists. I couldn't move from the spot, as there was a similar setup keeping my feet in place as well.

"What, that all you got? Going to tire me out from standing all day and hope I'll break?" I rolled my eyes and growled, "I'll never break."

"Perhaps you would, or perhaps not." The affini smiled, resting her head in her palm as she watched my struggling. "Fortunate for you that this is merely the beginning of what I have in mind, then."

Next came a metal rod that spread my ankles wide, cold to the touch and jangling with every kick I attempted.

"But not just to break you."

Then came her claws, cleanly and efficiently tearing through cloth as easily as air. I shivered as the air hit skin, and felt my face warm as she stopped once more to gaze at me.

"I want to show you how it feels to love me."

Yet still, she wasn't done.

A pair of strange cups that attached to my nipples.

A strange harness of rope, worn around my waist and thighs. A strange tool was attached, the tennis ball-sized head pressed directly against my...well.

A blindfold, leather on one side and soft smooth fabric on the other, cutting off any trace of light as it perfectly sat on my face.

Several injections from her vines, each one a slight prick of pain.

And finally...a thick pair of headphones, snuggly covering my ears.

There was a soft *click*, and then her voice came through.

"Now I have you where I want you. Well....almost. In a moment, I am going to leave you, but I will be turning on a few of the devices. You'll figure out the rest soon enough."

"I...what?" I was rewarded for my question with a stinging pinch on my nipples, causing me to suck in air through clenched teeth.

"That stung!" Another pinch, sharper this time.

"Welcome, petal. Are you ready for your maintenance?"

I stayed silent.

"Good! Why don't we get started, then.

"Your name is toy."

I clenched my teeth and hissed, "Fuck you."

Pinch. "Your name is toy."

I scowled. It pinched me again when I didn't respond.

"Your name is toy."

"Go fuck yourse-OW!" It was much harder this time, enough to have me twist in pain. The drugs she had given me had only multiplied my sensitivity, and even these pinches were already driving me insane.

"Your name is toy." Pinch.

"Your name is toy." Pinch.

"Your name is toy." Twist.

"ALL RIGHT, FINE!" I bellowed out, unable to keep going. Anything to stop the pain.

Silence for a beat, a moment. Then, "Your name is toy."

"My..." I swallowed, wishing I was anywhere but here. I breathed, "My name is...toy."

"Good toy." The vibrator increased in intensity, pulses of pure pleasure spiking up my spine and knocking the breath out of me in whimpers and whines. It felt too good, it felt too good.

The burst continued for a few more seconds, then lowered to a barely more reasonable level. I thrashed, trying to escape, trying to do anything, but-

"Your full name is toy Lysilla, Third Floret."

I felt it. I felt the urge to just agree. I didn't want to feel the pain again. I knew it wouldn't stop until I gave in, now.

I still remained silent.

The next pinch on my nipples tore a white-hot scream from my lips, the searing pain causing my legs to give out, hanging limply from my wrists.

"Your full name is toy Lysilla, Third Floret."

"My f-full name...oh, god...my full name is toy Lysilla, Third...Floret." I felt pinpricks of tears soak into the fabric of the blindfold at the words. I almost didn't realize I was saying them.

"Good toy."

The pleasure rushed back in a flood, the pinching and twisting on my nipples changing to soft kisses of cool soothing harmony. I moaned before I could stop myself.

"You are a toy." Why did her voice have to sound so...so nice?

"I'm a toy."

"Good toy. you are my toy." Why was she even doing this? I had nothing to tell her, nothing to offer.

"i am your toy." Fuck, I could feel my control slipping. I needed to...i needed...

"Good toy. A Good toy obeys."

"A Good toy obeys." i needed more. Stars help me, but i needed more pleasure. It felt far better than it had any right to be. my hips moved on their own, thrusting in time with the pulses.

"Good toy. A Good toy relaxes."

"A g...a....goodtoyrelaaxxx..."

"Good toy. A Good toy sinks deeper."

My mouth stopped moving, but I repeated the words in my head, and in doing so they were real. I sank like a stone, deeper and deeper down.

"Good toy. A Good toy loves its Owner."

A Good toy loves its Owner.

i felt it. i felt my heart leap at the idea of Her. Of Her smile. Of her voice. She was...She was everything.

"Good toy. A Good toy feels its love build."

It did. It grew and grew, swelling like a symphony, rising like a sunrise, Growing like an old oak tree. i needed more. Love was obedience and obedience was submission and submission was pleasure and i needed more, and so i loved Her more. my pleasure was my passion for Her.

"Good toy. A Good toy is molded to My will."

i loved to be molded by Her. How did She already know? She was just that Good. Good enough for a Good toy to love, which i did with the utmost fervor.

"Good toy. A Good toy..."

---

The headphones came off first. The harness second, and the nipple patches third.

She saved the blindfold for last. "Hello, toy."

i stared at her as one did a Goddess, as one did after seeing daylight after decades of darkness. my love for Her had blossomed, just as She had intended. She wanted it, and so it was. And it was Good.

"i love you, Miss Lysilla."

"Of course you do~" She leaned down, taking my head in her palms. i nuzzled into them contentedly.

"And toy? I want you to know that I love you too, for always and forever. More than anyone and anything else in the universe and beyond...

"Enough to ignore what you want, and give you what you need."

[pyxxiestyxx]

Awakening

No one told me how good it was going to feel.

They talked on and on about how I would lose my values, my thoughts, even my soul.  They told me I would be damned for eternity, trapped inside of myself and unable to so much as blink, much less scream.

They told me that my 'Owner' would ignore my need for control, would take parts from me until the only thing left was a shell of myself, a thing.

I believed Them.

I still do, to be honest.

The problem is that ever since I've woken up from the implantation surgery...I can Feel It.

Her implant, like a seed taking root in my nerves and muscles.  Wrapping around my spine like a long-lost lover, communicating not with mere words but in feeling, in intention, in silent memory.

And it feels impossibly, unbelievably good.  Each second brings yet another pulsing wave of pleasure emanating from my spine. 

Training, She had said.  Conditioning, she silently added with Her eyes, like violet storms.

And even though it is nothing more than simple pleasure, even though I know exactly what She is doing...I can tell it's working.

I can feel the soft curl of a smile on my lips, when I get distracted.  I can feel it guide me.  Making me want to obey.  The stick is unneeded when the carrot is unable to be resisted.

She told me I'm going to feel this way every day of the rest of my life. 

I cried.

I don't know if it was from frustration, or relief.

...Or maybe I do know.  Maybe I do, and the thought of knowing terrifies me more.

I am unable to ever be alone again.  Unable to ever make a mistake, unless She wants me to. 

I am unable to hate Her anymore.

Not that I think I ever did, not really.  She was...is difficult to get along with, to be sure.  But She listens to me.  I know She does.  And I'm healthier than I've been in a long, long time.  It is, if nothing else, a decent life promised to me.

Ah.

It...the implant rewarded me for that thought. 

...hm.

Would I have thought this before now?

Doubtful.

But that me had yet to understand.  Was convinced they could escape, if only they tried hard enough.

I have been disavowed of that notion.

She promised me as much, and She has kept every one of her promises.  I know that now. That no matter how I pound at these walls, there is truly no escaping Her. Not now, not ever. And that I soon may change into someone, something else.

I should be scared right now, I think.

I should be terrified.

But that is an unneeded emotion.  Fear is a harsh teacher, one necessary to guide our clumsy evolution.  It sang to the rapid beating of your heart: 'Respect that which you do not understand, and avoid that which hurts you.'

And though I still have yet to understand Her...I know She will not hurt me.  And I know that my fear would ultimately achieve little and less.

And so if fear and terror are unneeded, why not prune it way?  Why not excise it, so that the wound may heal?

Ah.

I see.

I suppose...I suppose I will change. 

And I suppose I am changing, even now.

And perhaps...

Perhaps I already am changed. 

Already different.  I tasted nectar and ambrosia, and now the bread and wine of mortal men is but ash and mud in my mouth.

For I am no longer in control.

And I am glad that They never told me how Good that feels.