#then i had them about my brain
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lemongogo · 2 months ago
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life of regret
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midwestgender · 8 months ago
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anyone else have recurring dreams where they perform self-surgery on a healthy organ with the plan of just taking it out for a little while but then you realize you are incapable of putting it back in and theres nothing you can do theresnothingyoucandotheresnothingyoucandotheresnothingyoucando
#they are literally so anxiety inducing and harrowing its horrible#my first ones were about teeth#then i had them about my brain#one of the brain ones i had i chopped it into nicely sliced pieces and then left it alone with the plan of just#taking a break from my brain#and then putting it back in piece by piece#and then i came back and my friends dog was eating it LOL#and then i just had one the other night where i had a mysterious organ in my leg that#was a 'bladder' but it wasn't my bladder it was in my leg#i'm pretty sure my brain based this mysterious organ off of a fish bladder#anyways i took it out and went swimming and held it in the water#and then i got out and i was traversing some combination between my highschool and my old church#trying to find materials to perform self surgery again to put it back in#but i just got into a thought spiral in that one thinking about how i didn't know how to put it back in#and i couldn't reattach it and i was essentially fucked lol??#and as this is happening my whole high school swim team is meeting in a room and im supposed to be there but#im dealing with bigger things but they all look at me like wow... can't believe she didn't come to the meeting#and after awhile of that i woke up LOL#its crazy im always so grateful it was a dream lol because i get so immersed#and ill be like guess im the stupidest person ever#it reminds me actually a lot of the feeling i got after my suicide attempt which i am not suicidal at all right now so its odd
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walkerrenee · 13 days ago
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sometimes i randomly remember how insane maggie stiefvater was for making ronan lynch—a man that can create reality—a man of god, when he himself is a god of a man. then to take this man and have him be not only in love with, but a literal soulmate of a man named adam. parrish. adam parrish. who, mind you, lives above ronan's very own place of worship. and is the namesake of the first of mankind that the bible says god made from the literal dust of the ground (adam parrish: comes from nothing, hair "dusty" in color) and appoints him to care for the garden of eden (adam parrish: sacrifices himself to ronan's sentient forest). then has adam viewing ronan as a god and ronan saying "maybe he dreamt (created)" adam???? like who just fucking writes that and goes about their life?
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introspectivememories · 3 months ago
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was it casual when i sat in your lap in public? was it casual when i said "recently my heart is crying because you're leaving"? was it casual when we decided how your last name would fit with mine? ("yuki tsunoda-gasly" / "no tsunoda, only gasly" / "yuki gasly?") was it casual when we sang adele's "someone like you" together at your going away party? was it casual when i knew it was you just by touching your ass? was it casual when i knew it was you by smell alone? was it casual when "will you miss me?" / "for 2-3 minutes maybe" / "i'll take that. even if it's just 2-3 minutes, i'll take that"? was it casual when that bus was completely empty and we still sat right next to each other, all the way in the back? was it casual when i picked you up multiple times so you could dunk a basketball? was it casual when i begged to come over to your house multiple time and then you finally let me and we cooked fried rice together? was it casual when we played christmas twister together and i said "your big eggplant is touching my ass"? was it casual when we were pressed up against each other on a scooter going two miles per hour? was it casual when-
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lazylittledragon · 3 months ago
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ok someone please correct me if i'm wrong but am i weird for thinking those 'audiobooks don't count as reading' posts are ableist as fuck????
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alligaytorswamp · 2 months ago
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i love them so much...
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sunlitlemonade · 6 months ago
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no see the thing about jason & dick is that they have too much between them. they have too many complications for people who never really had the chance to know each other. that's your little brother, one of your biggest regrets. that's your big brother, the most unfamiliar warmth you have ever experienced. that's your little wing. that's the boy you saw swinging around once and thought "he's the most amazing thing I have ever seen". do you understand. do you. realise. there's miles upon miles of unspeakable grief and they have no way to go about it because they carry their blood in their mouth and yearning in their ribcages and they're too stubborn to say anything or reach out and yet too attached to what could have been to let go and they don't want to admit it but they keep coming back because that's my brother that's my brother that's my brother that's my brother
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welcometogrouchland · 11 months ago
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[ID in alt text, transcripts for comics also found there!]
🎉🎇HAPPY NEW YEAR!🎇🎉
Sure was a year...This is just me taking the end of year opportunity to post the various DC comics doodles that have been gathering dust in my files! Disclaimer that I'm a heathen who mostly reads batfam comics (and also a lot of. Sidekick-y stuff? Like YJ98) and these are all for fun! (Image #3 is a direct adaptation of this text post I made)
#dc comics#dc#cassandra cain#damian wayne#roy harper#lian harper#cassie sandsmark#maya ducard#flatline dc#kathy branden#...im hesitant to tag steph bc i feel like everytime i tag her the post refuses to show in her tag#stephanie brown#anyway yeah uhhh recently bought the yj98 omnibus (IT'S FUCKING HUGE) so that's why cassie redesign#years and years ago i posted a draft of a cassie redesign that's like. similar to what i have but i vastly prefer this version#OH!#i forgot to tag stephcass :(#whoopsie#but yeah i did a lot of steph reading this year (STILL SO MUCH TO DO) and ouughh boy. she's had her claws in my brain ever since#damian and dick are there. nough said#<- I'm extremely mentally ill about them there's just still a lot for me to read. i have nightwing rebirth with them! and some early b&r 09#also robin 2021 issue. 4? i wanna say? the one where dick gives damian his bday present. makes me cry like a pressure washer#also I'm so sorry if I've somehow managed to (in my extremely limited presentation of them) present roy and lian as ooc in anyway#I've only read arsenal 1998 bc it was a mini. hit or miss but it did imprint a love of roy and lian on me#I'm only semi following the current green arrow run rn mostly for those 2#(also sidenote the guy who writes current GA is ALSO writing B&R AND SUPERMAN??? AND A G.I JOE COMIC????-#-girl say what you want about his work it's a miracle any of it is comprehensible at all w/ all those titles going on)#(he said he's not sure how long he'll stay on GA tho. I'm also low-key not sure how long he'll stay on B&R-#-though i imagine it'll be at least a years worth bc he said that's how much notes he has for plot? also idk if many other writers at dc-#-are interested in damian rn especially next to Bruce)#HOO this got away from me I'm outta tags. uhhhh see u guys in 2014! woo!
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touchlikethesun · 2 months ago
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airplane as a cosmic force in the pidw universe except in a spinozic sense where he is one and the same with every being and thing without any real conscious control on airplane’s part. and this explains why everyone loves shen yuan so much. in their original world shen yuan was the one person that wanted more for airplane and airplane fell deeply in love with him, this witty insane caring person that stayed with him from pidw’s conception, and that love is imbued into the world. the people of pidw can’t help but be drawn to shen yuan. love for shen yuan is literally part of their essence. even the storms and the sun are gentler for shen yuan. not that shen yuan notices the affection he so naturally engenders or the little pocket of temperateness that follows him where ever he goes. and not that airplane himself is even consciously aware that that is what's happening either. just a thought to entertain x
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expelliarmus · 5 months ago
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harmonictechnicality · 5 months ago
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It’s the way Steve places a pin in that damn map of Hawkins. Two fingers, muddy knuckles. Fuck if Eddie knows the actual destination because all he can navigate is the curve of Steve’s index finger as he smooths out the edges of the map.
And it’s stupid, right? Because the world is folding in on itself and he’s looking at a guy in the kind of way Victorian novelists would only describe as ‘longingly.’ It’s objectively stupid. Probably some adrenaline bullshit that a doctor could explain with a brain scan.
The rest of the group has scattered, plotting amongst themselves. Pulling plans out of their asses. Finding layers of courage behind clues and cassette tapes.
Eddie should do that too. Plan. Make decisions. Do anything other than stare at the dirt underneath Steve’s goddamn fingernails.
“Please blink, Munson.” Steve says while clearing his throat. He’s been doing that a lot. Which is, like, understandable after coughing up lake water all night long.
He clears his throat again. “Show sign of life before I ransack the supply bag for that shit you call music.”
“That… shit?” Eddie spits out the words. Briefly forgets his swirly Steve feelings because of the fucking audacity on this guy. “Rightrightright, because Bob Seger is so fucking dignified, huh?”
“Uh-oh.” Dustin murmurs behind him.
“Because Old Time Rock and Roll is the highest ranking of ear candy?” Eddie searches through their duffel bag until he finds Steve’s Vecna Saftey Tape. Waves it around wildly as he speaks. “Forgive me. I didn’t know entry-level chord progressions were considered Carnegie Hall worthy these days. But by all means, call my music shit.”
He throws the tape at Steve’s lap before dropping back down to his seat on the couch.
“Well,” Steve smirks. “At least we know if the music won’t wake you up, mocking it sure as hell will.”
“Guys. Focus.” Nancy steps into the center of the room. Everyone nods, even Eddie. They listen intently to her directions. Henderson doesn’t interrupt her, not even once.
Nancy’s entire demeanor is charged with currents of determination. It’s honestly impressive. Truly. She could convince congress to change the fucking constitution if she wanted. Have the supreme court eating out of her palm with how persuasive she can be.
And the only thing that distracts her, is the same thing distracting Eddie.
Two fingers. Muddy knuckles.
Eddie follows her gaze back over to Steve. Her expression softening when she sees him.
It’s cruel and expected. Cruel that Eddie has to witness such softness, knowing exactly how it feels. Expected because wedding bells can practically be heard every time those two interact with each other. No one can deny that.
But knowing all this doesn’t stop the cruelty from squeezing Eddie’s stomach till his insides feel raw.
He swallows down his flimsy fantasies. Keeps repeating those words from back in the woods:
It’s jealousy, it’s jealousy, it’s jealousy, it’s-
“Hey, man.” Steve says.
Man? Not ‘Nancy, my betrothed?’ Not “Nancy, my muse?”
… Man?
Eddie blinks. Glances up to see Steve looking at him. “Your taste in music isn’t complete shit.”
Which isn’t exactly an apology. But the teasing scratches an itch in Eddie’s brain that he hasn’t be able to reach for a very long time.
“Yeah.” Eddie says. “I guess Bob Seger’s stuff is… intermediate. Assistant managerial-level chord progressions.”
He pauses. Then leans in and adds a quick, “At best.”
They both laugh a little. It’s cut short by Steve clearing his throat again. One of the many reminders that they’re not well.
That nothing they’re going through is fair. Not even in the same universe as Fair. Eddie’s eyes fall to the red markings around Steve’s neck. Wonders if that makes his cough hurt worse.
“Look.” Steve nudges Eddie’s arm. Pulls his attention back into this moment. “We’ve got this, okay?”
Eddie can’t exactly tell if there’s softness in Steve’s eyes - the same kind Nancy gives to him so freely. Or if it’s just regularly scheduled Concern. But it doesn’t even matter because Steve said that.
We.
‘We’ve got this.’
Him and Steve.
And, okay, was Steve referring to a collective ‘we?’ Sure, yeah. Obviously. But Eddie is allowing himself to wallow in delusion while the world’s expiration date remains questionable.
So he aims a lovesick smile at Steve and sighs. “Whatever you say, Harrington.”
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fosliie · 5 months ago
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It is time to actually explain that one vague Sam and Max au! Calling it
Take me out Noir au
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first off, you have to know, this au is essentially a hypothetical fanfic Sam and Max write together with their “totally not me” ocs. I feel like they’d be the kinda guys to write self fulfilling fanficfion (they’re terrible at it)
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The gist is that it is a gritty noir detective drama starring Samantha and Maxine, their fem counterparts. It’s the same vibes as a noir detective pulp fiction novel in the 1950’s, so VIOLENCE!! DRAMA!! TENSION!!!
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With a disheveled detective and her ex-partner turned performer/singer (with connections to the mafia..?), they often cross paths and usually end up fighting, reminiscing longingly, or a mixture of the both
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ghostbeam · 5 months ago
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Mech pilot yuuta and his mech that’s incredibly possessive over him. He takes to you as a handler almost immediately, excited for the help after his last few handlers were scared off. You’re not allowed inside, your constantly dodging malfunctioning limbs and faulty wires, but you’re not one to back down, and gaining her trust is just as important as gaining his.
Rika only realizes how important you are to Yuuta the day after you spend the night with him, and he’s left alone in the morning with an empty bed and a broken heart. You’re his handler. You’re not supposed to leave him. Not ever.
She lures you into her chest one night, faking some sort of lighting malfunction and allowing you inside for the first time. She keeps you inside all night, enduring all your yelling and banging on her insides to be let out, a nice gift for Yuuta.
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puppetmaster13u · 7 months ago
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Prompt 296
Through a series of miscommunication, the League is now under the impression that Batman, strange cryptid that he is, may or may not have given birth to the other vigilantes running around in Gotham. This was not helped by Bruce referring to all of his children, no matter how big they get, as his babies. Nor was it helped by Red Robin, in the middle of a narcolepsy-fueled imminent crash, mentioned how he had no mother. 
It also doesn’t help that no one is aware that they are in fact completely normal people, and not aspects of Gotham itself brought to life. Though really that’s on the bats themselves, because at this point they should at least count as undead. 
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kikker-oma · 2 years ago
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THE CHAIN WITH A CHILD
I REPEAT- THE CHAIN WITH A CHILD
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crustyfloor · 2 months ago
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My night was going so wonderfully.
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The headshot of this cover is just PAINFUL. They're actually acknowledging each other, they're the only ones on a cover to do that. And it's the prominent detail that Mizi looks horrified staring at Sua, even though they're clutching each other so... like they can't let go, while Sua looks reverent in the lane of that gaze, even blushing, slightly, savoring the moment. This also looks like their kiss scene...
To me, she looks just the same as the day she died because I think this cover is Sua's haunting of Mizi, because Sua's singing is just that, haunting and distant the longer she sings, she's fading out, but so gently despite its gruesomeness. And Mizi is grieving.
She's as angelic as she is in Mizi's memories..
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But there's a cruelty to this because Mizi will never forget what she saw in round 1, that's why seeing Sua over and over and over again terrifies her, hence why the tone of this song is SO dark, especially in the second half when they're coming to a close, they get desperate to keep each other close, and there is a certain, but familiar ignorance to Sua's presence as if she can't see Mizi's pain even though Mizi is crying right in front of her--childish egos, Sua becomes a more honest character after her death, and in more expressive formats like this, and I like how she takes on that position in this song, the taker. (Like Till, he wanted a security blanket out of Mizi; Sua is similar in that sense.) as she takes and wants from Mizi for her own sanity.
And this newest illustration, oh my god. EXPRESSES THIS IDEA PERFECTLY, Sua looks so utterly distant, ghostly, dead.
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In contrast to Ivan and Till's cure, Mizi and Sua's cure is more of a duet, and they switch places often. Mizi starts the song, she ends the song (just like in my clematis), and Sua supports it. Whereas Ivan and Till take turns leading and harmonizing, Mizi and Sua both participate.
And I believe they're interacting? Ivan and Till's cure wasn't a message to each other, something a lot more complicated than that--but Mizi and Sua transition frequently and it feels like they're singing to each other, It's more intimate.
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Mizi - Allow me, to the tips of your finger
Allow me, to the ends of your feet
Dissolve me in your gaze
I don't want to let you go.
Sua - Please, leave me scars
Please, hurt me so that not a singly drop of me remains
Let me drown in you.
(The backing vocals mean so much to me, it's like a choir(?))
Mizi - Until these falling stars
Are buried in the blur of time
On your icy lips
Read my soul, yes, my soul
It wasn't spontaneous for the sake of it either, because this is a call-and-response
Sua - Even if your cold words
Carve scars beneath my eyes
May they linger on your tongue
You can break me apart
Mizi - Notice my pain
And mend me right now
To quiet my fears
I'll drown in you
-
Mizi is directly asking Sua, or the version of her she can't forget, to stay with her, calm her like she used to, as she wishes to have remained in the dark, to drown in her, or to have just not been left alone and, because even now Sua's death is not something she can accept, the portrayal of her feelings as she expresses her pain and desire to keep Sua close, even the false presence of her "On your icy lips" and "notice my pain and mend me right now" even though It's terrifying her, she doesn't want to let go.
Sua acknowledges Mizi's pain, and their shared pains after she died for her, the blame and the betrayal. Interestingly, Sua takes on the metaphorically self-destructive lyrics, Sua lives in fear, anxiety, and utter gloominess, she didn't want to be hurt by Mizi in the literal sense, but she would've rather been warmed in Mizi's soft light, her false hope and optimism, to be destroyed and to destroy Mizi's hope, even dying as the penalty of their love was far better.
Then Sua goes on to sing through the perspective of Mizi and her loneliness and grief after losing her with perfect clarity, it takes me back to the comic where Ivan scolded Sua about her plan, saying that she'd be nothing more than a trauma to Mizi after everything is said and done, she got upset at Ivan because she knew that, was devastated by the fact that she would be a burden just as she always feared, but then, what's a life without Mizi by her side, her only safety net? Her every reason for living?
This song displays their deep love and devotion, they sound melancholic but even in these horrific circumstances, Mizi's pain and hesitance, they don't drown each other out, they move together in perfect harmony just like they always do, in this way, it also feels like an apology of sorts from both sides before the bitter end, and a final goodbye.
AND THEN AT THE END WITH THE PERFECT SYNCHRONIZING OF THEIR VOICES ARGHH
And a new Sua illustration for the occasion 😭💔 (I'm gonna catch you soon Vivinos just wait.)
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